20. The Girl

A/N – Hi everyone. Many thanks as always for the reviews, you are all great. Unfortunately this is a bridging chapter, as we're focusing on the past to make sense of the present. Luckily the next three chapters are big ones (in both the past and the present) – and we're finally going to get some answers. Yay! Thank you all for reading.

Cold is the water

It freezes your already cold mind

Already cold, cold mind

And death is at your doorstep

And it will steal your innocence

But it will not steal your substance

But you are not alone in this

Timshel - Mumford and Sons

"Mister Spock, life and death are seldom logical." – Leonard McCoy, The Galileo Seven, TOS

Joanna had to live. It was her single thought as she hit the water feet first, fully expecting, at the very least, to have broken her legs by falling from such a height. But she didn't, by some miraculous twist of fate. Then the icy cold water drove every thought from her mind, and she sunk deep beneath the surface, the strong currents almost impossible to resist, the weight of her back pulling her down. Oxygen starvation finally brought her to her senses. She had to live. She swam upwards towards the light with strong strokes, her body repeating the instinctive pattern, and broke the surface gasping. The water was violent, and the waves pushed her under again almost immediately. Lack of oxygen made her light-headed and there was to be no reprieve. She resurfaced but the waves were too strong and she had to fight, desperate for each breath, losing track of time and sense. Finally, an indeterminate time later, the water settled. She filled her lungs and trod water, trying to right herself, to force her thoughts into order. Her watch told her an hour had passed. She gazed out at the water in every direction and wondered what the hell she was going to do now. Then another thought occurred to her, more pressing than her own troubles. Jim.

It had happened so fast. The relief, the joy, and then the warning. She had worked with Hy'lar for a long time, and he firmly believed in preparing for every eventuality, something she agreed whole-heartedly with. So when she had looked past Jim and seen the sign, flickering in the lights of her ship, she knew exactly what that meant. Hy'lar was no longer in control. And if he wasn't in control, someone else was. Someone that would capture her, as they had her friend. She knew all too well that the implications if she was caught were huge. Jim, she prayed, would be able to explain his presence, especially since he was still in the borrowed uniform. She knew him after all – he could talk himself, or flirt himself, out of most situations. But there was no way she would be able to explain her own, and there was a high risk they'd instantly jump to the obvious conclusion of her occupation. That was too great a risk, especially now. She knew that this was all connected – all the fragments, all the organisations, all the cards that she held in her rapidly growing hand. She was all too aware she was running on borrowed time. No one was going to let her live now she was putting them together. So, in a life that currently seemed to be full of split second decisions, she had made another one, and dropped. Now she had to survive this. Somehow. And pray Jim found her.

Cold was seeping into her bones. The past hour had taken too much energy, and the temperature was going to cut the time she had before exhaustion set in significantly. The firm voice of Lotoc's training cut through her mind. Determine what will kill you first – and solve the problem. She needed to get out of the water before hypothermia affected her ability to swim. Which, when she considered the watery wilderness, was going to be easier said than done. She had a feeling that she would be hoping for too much for Jim to have packed a life-raft in her backpack. Not that she dared open her bag in the water. Instead she re-assessed her surroundings. There was no land to see anywhere, but the water wasn't empty – pieces of wreckage were floating on the surface now she looked properly – leaves, branches, other fragments. It suggested she'd been over a forest when she'd dropped. Unfortunately for her, nothing looked large or strong enough to support her weight. She considered her options. She could swim, perhaps in the direction of the city they'd just flown from, and hope to find something bigger that she could use as some sort of raft; or she could wait, conserve her energy for longer, and hope something large found her. It was a tough choice – she ran the risk of being found if she headed the way she'd come. Someone was bound to check the city for survivors – though she personally wasn't hopeful that anyone could have survived that tsunami. She didn't want to think too hard about that. On the upside, the beasts she'd met hadn't looked like they were built for swimming. So go or stay? She sighed to herself, and made her decision. She'd never been good at doing nothing.

She swam east for a long time. The exercise helped keep her warm, and when the sun appeared from behind the clouds she could occasionally make out a building deep beneath the water. The wreckage also increased, and she finally found something worth swimming for – a large uprooted tree. She thanked every being she could think of. The tree spun in the water as she attempted to heave herself on and she heard and splash and a scream. Her reaction was automatic. She pulled a knife between her teeth, and swam back out, keeping beneath the surface and circling the tree in the direction of the sound. It took her a moment to spot the native, her green skin blending her in with the remaining leaves. She was struggling amongst the branches, obviously caught, taking mouthfuls of water which was only making her choke and panic more. She must have dislodged her when she'd turned the tree. Damn it. She was going to drown herself at this rate.

"Stop moving." She shouted at the girl. The girl stilled at her voice, but only for seconds, then seemed to panic further and sunk. Joanna swore under her breath and swam closer. She was caught below by branches and her struggling was only making it worse. She wondered whether she was out of her mind, but dove anyhow, cutting away branches with her knife and freeing her legs, pushing her upwards out of the water. She had to surface for breath before she could free her upper body. The girl took one look at her, then the knife in her hand, and grew alarmed again. She thrashed like she was about to be attacked and pushed Joanna back under. Damn – she was going to get the both of them killed, Joanna thought hazily as she attempted to avoid the kicking legs that hit her chest, and free herself from the branches that were now pinning her. When she surfaced finally, lungs unable to cope as well as normal without oxygen after her earlier ordeal, she was feeling less than charitable towards the girl. Time to speak a language she'd understand. She forced her way towards the flailing being and pressed the blade towards her throat. She immediately stopped moving. She used another knife to cut the branches from the rest of her, then released her and pushed her up on the trunk. It took her a moment to follow, her arms aching.

The girl looked young, face smooth, although it occurred to her they were probably near the same age, which was odd, mostly because she felt double her age most of the time. She was watching her warily, but not attempting to get away – which was the first sensible thing she'd seen her do. However, considering that she'd probably been used as a slave for the last few months and had just watched her entire species die, she had every reason to be scared. Joanna sighed and hid her knives. It was nice to know that not every being had been killed by the tsunami. If she was honest, it was nice to know she wasn't here alone too. She might be here for a while. Jim might not find her. She could die out here. She quickly dismissed that thought because it didn't bear thinking about. She had to live – or everything she'd just found out, everything she knew, would die with her. Jim had found her before – against all probability. He'd find her again.

She pulled off her pack, but attached it to herself with a wrist-strap just in case, and pulled out her ration packs. She threw one to the girl, then opened one herself. The girl made no attempt to take it, so she ignored her and forced herself to eat. She'd need all her energy now to keep warm. She drank from her bottle, then hyposprayed herself with a painkiller, because all the swimming she'd just done was playing havoc with her previously dislocated shoulder and her head hurt like hell. She watched her breath come out as white mist and knew it was getting colder. Her wet clothes weren't helping the situation but there wasn't much she could do about them. When she got out of here she was investing in one of the nice drying gadgets that Gaila had made her fortune with. She watched the girl glance at her through her tangled hair, then grab the food like she was going to take it away. Poor kid. They'd probably starved her. She'd have to take her with them when she was rescued – it was hardly like she could leave her on this planet. She'd need to find a safehouse too – it was possible she was the last of her kind. The last of her kind... The last chance she'd have to get information firsthand. Like the identity of the people that had just destroyed an entire civilisation. She sighed to herself. Hell this was bad. A couple of years ago the thought that so many had died, had been murdered, would have chilled her. Now such horror didn't feel so unusual. It just made her tired, weary of a universe where people could do such monstrosities and get away with it. Where the Federation turned a blind eye when it suited them. She'd become desensitized and cynical. She wished she was like Jim. She didn't know how he did it – kept that joy, that childish fascination that she found so appealing. But she felt it, it rubbed off on her, whenever she was around him.

The girl coughed and she looked up. She was shivering, her teeth chattering, looking sad and pathetic. Joanna assessed the sun. It was only a few hours until sundown. The girl wouldn't survive those temperatures if she was like this now. She sighed, knowing her handler would give her a serious talking to for such foolishness, but removing her jacket anyway.

"Here." The girl looked at her warily, but her coldness clearly won, because she reached out and took it from her, putting it on gingerly and trying to work out how the zip worked. Joanna frowned at her, but moved closer, and the girl only flinched when she zipped it for her, her expression turning to one of relief as she warmed slightly. Well that was something at least. Joanna knew all too well that she might have just cut hours off her own life from exposure, but the hell with it. Her training had taught her that she always had to put herself first, even at the expense of others. Supposedly the information she supplied would save the lives of thousands more – the greater good. In reality Joanna wondered how anyone sat back and watched someone die. The people she supposedly saved were just words, not really real to her. But the face of the girl next to her – she was real. It was her face that she wouldn't forget, that would haunt her if she allowed her to die. Besides, other than her job she was unimportant, and one day, maybe today, she would die and everything would continue like nothing had happened. So she couldn't let the girl die. Jim wouldn't have. Of course not. And sometime, maybe in the last few days, she'd started to measure her own ethics by his, as she always had in the past. Hell, but she didn't dare think about what that meant, although her heart was making it all too clear. It scared the hell out of her.

The girl said something and she had to rewind her memory before she worked out what she was saying. She didn't understand the word at all. She must have looked blank because the girl repeated it, with a gesture at herself.

"Piopi." It must have been her name.

Joanna attempted a smile and gestured at herself. "Joanna." The girl nodded, her eyes still wary and sad, but less aggressive. Clearly the jacket had done its job. "Well." Joanna said to her softly. "What are we going to do now?"

The girl looked blank, and Joanna didn't have the patience or will to begin a game of charades to communicate her thoughts. She considered the watery expanse, tucking her hands into her armpits. The stone of her necklace was icy against her skin and she pulled above her clothes. She felt something wretch in her chest when she considered it – as she hadn't in a long time, banished as it had been beneath her shirt. People did not give gifts to those they didn't care about, no matter how she wanted to disbelieve it. Jim had, at least once upon a time, cared about her. He hadn't had to give her something, just as he hadn't had to rescue her, or comfort her all those times. A few days ago she'd been blinded by hurt, but that seemed to have melted away. Mostly thanks to that kiss. Oh hell. This was bad. She shouldn't have let him kiss her.

The girl said some garbled words and Joanna looked back at her with a frown. Her green eyes were staring at her widely. She seemed more animated than before, speaking quickly. Joanna must have looked confused again because she gestured at her necklace. Joanna shook her head in incomprehension, and the girl reached over to her, excitement clearly overcoming her reservations. She made a sound that sounded like a whistle, then touched the stone, and to her shock, within its core a red light appeared.

"What the hell." Joanna stood in her shock, almost falling into the water when the tree trunk rocked hard. The girl screamed and she sat back down and controlled herself. What the hell had she just done? She'd never seen anything like that before, certainly not in the stone she was wearing. How had she done it? Could she do it to all stones, it was it something special about her own? The way that the girl was looking at it suggested that there was. Which was disturbing... Because she didn't know exactly what it meant. Was it dangerous? Jim had given it to her, and she didn't like to believe it could be, but then... Well Jim might not have known, not if he'd picked it up in his travels. The girl seemed to know exactly what it was however, and Joanna was getting frustrated when she couldn't understand. She'd had to add that to the list of questions to put to her when she finally found a way to translate. She tucked it under her clothes again – at least she couldn't see it glow that way – and frowned at the girl.

"Hell." The wind was picking up and she shivered. The colour of the sky suggested that there was quite a storm on the way. That was all they needed. Time was running out. It would be dark soon. Her heart felt heavy suddenly. What if something had happened to Jim? He should have been here by now. What if he couldn't escape and was being tortured? What if they'd killed him and Hy'Lar? She swallowed the bile that rose up at that thought and tried to calm herself. This was Jim – he was lucky. He'd escape, and come and find her. She had to believe that – to believe in him. And she did. She believed in him more than anyone else in the universe. A nagging voice reminded her that he'd still walked away, that she was mad to rely on anyone else – that it had almost killed her too many times. But what could she do? She was out of options. So find some, she told herself.

For the next two hours she attempted to think her way out of their situation. Unfortunately she was coming up with nothing. She needed a shuttle, and if there were any left on the planet, they'd be buried too deep for her to get without breathing apparatus. The chances of finding anything like that on a primitive planet was remote, especially with the flooding. The waves were getting increasingly large, and they were both thrown from the tree trunk several times as the sun set, the cold seeping into Joanna's bones until she struggled to think clearly. She was just pushing the girl back onto the trunk for the fifth time – after a discovery that she couldn't swim she'd made sure she kept towards the centre of the trunk, which stopped her getting tangled in branches, but unfortunately made it more likely for her to become unseated, and they were both shivering and panting from the freezing water – when it started to snow. Right then, for just a moment, Joanna wanted to cry.

Piopi leaned her head against her shoulder. She was shaking violently, and Joanna attempted to squeeze some of the water from her hair – which was proving impossible since it was freezing it into clumps. She was exhausted – truly exhausted, but the girl beside her wasn't doing much better. Somewhere in the last few hours they'd become united in the need to stay alive. She moved quickly to pull her torch out of her bag and fasten it around her head before the girl alerted her that another massive wave was heading towards them. Her words were mostly lost in the wind, as the waves roared into them, plunging them both again into the water. Joanna struggled to keep hold of the girl and keep sight of the trunk as she was pushed deep. Piopi had learnt to kick her legs now, and Joanna pulled an arm around her waist to pull them back to the surface. The first thing she realised on surfacing was that she couldn't see the trunk any more. Just as she began to panic she heard the girl scream, and something massive hit her head. For a moment she went blind and swallowed water, unable to move her arms or legs as the trunk pushed her under. Her thinking remained fuzzy, but feeling returned and branches snagged her as she clawed her way to the surface, only to realise she'd lost Piopi. No. Her heart stopped as she turned in the water. Then she did panic.

She dove, but her torch gave little light in the murky depths and she was all but blind. She reached out but felt nothing, surfaced and dove again. Minutes passed and she sunk down again and again, pushing herself deeper, desperate, terrified she'd lost her in the vast expanse. She couldn't lose her. She couldn't. And then her arm brushed something familiar – a hand, she was sure, and she grabbed it and dragged her upwards.

It was her – Joanna recognised the coat of the girl in her arms as she trod water. The girl was floppy, making no effort. She shook her, called her name, but there was no response. No. No, no, no. She turned the girl's head towards her own, listened for breaths. They were there. Shallow, but present. She thanked every being she could think of, unzipped the top of her jacket and felt for a pulse at her neck. Also present. She was alive but unconscious. Joanna shook her again but there was still no response. That wasn't good – not with the dropping temperatures. She glanced around and realised that the trunk was gone. Oh hell. Then the waves hit them again and she lost all thoughts as she struggled to keep both herself and the girl above the surface.

Indefinite time passed. The fight to tread water became more and more extreme as she froze. She couldn't find the girl's pulse in a momentary lull in the waves and knew it was over – that she could do nothing more to save her – that she could do nothing more to save herself. She would have cried at that moment, if she'd had the ability. Then the waves took her again and she struggled up, unable to let her cold body go. She glanced at the girl as she struggled for breath, memorising every detail, and, in her exhaustion, noticed something she hadn't previously. The girl had a tattoo down the side of her neck – straight lines forming lettering that she recognised. It was Cardassian. It spelled a name – one she knew very well. Dram Sarkat. The captain had a penchant for marking his belongings. Clearly Piopi had been his. And now, now sure as hell she knew who she was going after. Then she was pushed under, and her thoughts failed her.

She lost the girl sometime later. Just like that, she slipped from her arms and Joanna couldn't stop it. She would have tried to find her, but was starved for oxygen, her time on the surface becoming less and less as the waves hit and her legs failed her. She knew it was over, knew she didn't have long. She would die here, alone, in the water. Fear clenched her chest. She couldn't. She couldn't, not now. Not like this. She had to live. She forced her brain to find focus, find something worth living for. The information she carried wasn't enough alone. But Piopi was. She'd avenge the girl. She'd find who'd destroyed this planet and she'd blow them to hell. The warmth of her anger fuelled her for a while, but even that dwindled as her arms stopped functioning, as she struggled to stay conscious. Her mind instinctively went to her last hope, her default setting. Jim. She had to live for Jim. She remembered his lips on hers and the way he'd kissed her in the cave. The way she'd felt. Something between them had changed, she could feel it, the electricity between them like she was approaching a storm. She wasn't just a little girl to him anymore. That sure as hell wasn't the way you kissed a little girl. And though it might have meant little to him, it meant everything to her. He hadn't been drunk this time. He knew exactly what he was doing. And she felt the same way for him. She always had. She always would. She loved him. No matter what he'd done. No matter what he might do. She loved him, and she had to live because she wanted him. She wanted him to want her. And hell, everything told her it was a bad idea, that Jim Kirk didn't do relationships, would only hurt her, and she sure as hell wasn't in a position to start anything, to be anything to him. But she didn't give a damn right now, because she wanted him, and his kiss, and right now it was the only thing that was worth fighting for.

So she fought with everything she had left. But her body was too weak. Finally, she knew it was over. She couldn't feel her body, couldn't make it function. She was too cold, too exhausted. The light from her headtorch showed nothing but black around her, a dark grave. Silent and alone. This way had always scared her, and today was no different. She sank deep, felt her body convulse from oxygen starvation. Her mind didn't understand as her necklace rose above her face and she looked into the black stone and saw that red light. Her mind cried out to Jim. Then her body stilled and she saw no more.

A/N – I know, I know, that didn't solve the cliff-hanger at all, did it? Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'll make it up in a couple of chapters, promise! The song for the next chapter will be Cry by James Blunt (thanks to Anitnut, my music guru, for that one!). Thanks for reading.