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Hi, everyone! How are you doing on this fine Saturday, which happens to be September 24, 2016, and is also the day that Season Three of Star Wars Rebels premiers on Disney XD? I am doing fine, as I just saw The Magnificent Seven, and I have to give it four out of five stars. If you want to see what this movie's about, then I encourage all of you to go see it, as I'm sure that very few of you will be disappointed. Also, I just saw the Season Three premiere of Star Wars Rebels, and it was excellent. I am eager for more, especially with the use of Grand Admiral Thrawn and Darth Maul. Too bad that I can't use that season, as it will likely contradict the Expanded Universe too much for me to retcon it. Now, on to more important matters. I have just discovered a series of Alternate Universe stories for the Star Wars Expanded Universe that are written by An Origami Fish, and I have a feeling that each story is beyond exceptional. An Origami Fish also gave me some helpful constructive criticism on how to make my stories much better. Here is the Criticism, feel free to look at it and see if An Origami Fish is right, and I need to work on improving my characters: "As for your stories I looked at both Escape and Recruitment and a little bit into Shadow War. I love the premise of Grandson Palpatine flying about in the galaxy, especially having Ben Skywalker as his master. Cool idea that has a ton of potential. I was just not seeing much interaction in the way of 'Your last name is Palpatine, *the palpatine* as in the worst mass-murderer in recent history who plunged the galaxy into darkness and killed off the Jedi Palpatine' and any internal struggles as to his lineage. If you cover it later or I missed it, sorry about that. I just would have thought it'd play a larger role in Edaan's character.
The main thing that stuck out to me format-wise is that events in both Escape and Recruitment happened reallllllllly fast and often times with little or no explanation. Mostly due to the short chapter lengths, things were just a little too abrupt and the story really never had time to build. Revan and Meetra are brought up with no preface into how they're still around. Qui-Gon is there, yet how does he have a link to Palpatine and how does Palpatine feel about it. I'm sure you have the backstory all planned out in your mind and have detailed thoughts about how the characters should be, but we're readers of words, not minds =). With everything that was happening, with characters that suddenly pop up with little introduction, I got really lost mid-way through Recruitment both in terms of what was happening and then in interest.
In Shadow War things improve somewhat. I saw a parallel between your chapters and how I 'section' off my story. Though each of your chapters are a thousand to two-thousand words long, I could easily imagine combining several of them to form a larger more coherent chapter and thus maintaining the flow of the plot and story. For example, Chapters 1-5 could have been combined as they more or less cover the same plot idea of your story- the arrival on Mandalore and the initial briefing. Chapters 6-11 would be another natural break as the 'We're going after Mirta' discussion and Mirta's POV. 12-the first half of 18 would be the next natural break, the 'first engagement' so to speak where plans start unfolding. If a chapter is short and sweet and it's a one-shot that's one thing. But trying to create a coherent universe with a thousand or two words at a time is extreme difficult. I generally go by the rule that if a chapter is short (below 5k words min), so is my interest since not a whole lot of plot or things vital to the story could be going on in that time. You have great ideas, you just break them into tiny little pieces that make it hard to follow and put back together =).
Hope this helped in some way...Keep up the writing!
An Origami Fish."
Well, now that you've seen the constructive criticism, tell me what you think, as long as it's in a responsible manner, as any hateful and/or abusive comments will not be tolerated. Now, I estimate that there are at least three chapters in my story that feature the Defense of Mandalore, and each chapter will be quite a doozy, I can promise you that. Anyway, I have another spoiler for you guys: Garazeb Orrelios, better known as "Zeb," the Lasat member of the Lothal Rebels and early rebellion against the First Galactic Empire, will be included in the remaining two stories. Of course, he will be a minor character in the grand scheme of things, but I have the general outline into what the stories will be about. Hopefully, they will be better than my first two stories, as I admit that I rushed through them with, let's face it, reckless abandon, as I was, and, let's face it, still am, an amateur fanfiction writer. Now, on with the story!
Meanwhile, on the Megador
As General Farlander led Sabine Wren, Boba Fett, Edaan Palpatine, Corran Horn, and Syal Antilles to the command bridge of the Super Star Destroyer, Sabine began to converse with Syal on battle stories, and Edaan silently gathered his thoughts as the revelation of the identity of the leader of the hidden Sith order, the One Sith: Darth Krayt.
But that only leaves us with more questions than answers. How many Sith does Krayt have under his or her command? Where are they based? What role does Vestara Khai have in this SIth order? And just who is Darth Krayt? Edaan mused as the turbolift reached the bridge, and the door opened to reveal the stoic faces of Nek Bwua'tu and Venku Skirata staring right at them.
"General Farlander, Jedi Palpatine, report." Bwua'tu said as he glanced at Sabine and her multi-colored armor before refocusing on the other five officials.
"Sir! The strike team was successful in its mission, and Admiral Natasi Daala and Commander- I mean, Special Force Advisor Roly Melusar, have been captured, Aurra sing has been killed in battle, the Chimaera is currently attacking several Star Destroyers, and is set to explode within the next thirty minutes." General Farlander dutifully reported.
"Excellent work, all of you, I- wait. I thought that Rayder Sei, his team of assassins, and Wraith Squadron, disabled the turrets." Bwua'tu confusingly said.
"That's true, Supreme Commander, but my men got them back up and running before they evacuated the Chimaera, and they should be running at half-efficiency." Sabine modestly said.
"And, pardon me for being so blunt, just who are you, Miss…?" Bwua'tu politely asked the female Mandalorian.
"This is Sabine Wren, commander of the Vindicator Brigade, an elite six-thousand Mandalorian army that only takes the most dangerous jobs in the galaxy for causes that they believe in. And, if I had to venture a guess, they were working for Mand'alor the entire time, and are responsible for the sudden destruction of the ten Imperial II-class Star Destroyers, the last Mediator-class Battle Cruiser, five MC90 Capital Ship cruisers, a Nebula-class Star Destroyer, and the last Dornean gunship that simultaneously exploded, as well as the sudden defection of a wing of Bes'uliik Starfighters, one wing of Vyrhawk fighter-bombers, three Stathas-class freighters, three Keldabe-class battleships, ten heavily modified Pursuer-class enforcement ships, and three Dreadnaught-class Heavy Cruisers." Venku said with just a small amount of anger in his voice in not being kept in the loop about an ace-in-the-hole.
"Sorry, Venku, but Mand'alor and Goran wanted to keep the number of people who knew about our plan to a minimum, because, as the old saying goes, 'A Secret's no good if half the galaxy knows.'" Sabine apologetically said.
"True enough, and we could use all the help we could get, as we still have twenty traitorous senators, along with the remainder of their sector fleets, as well as the rest of Daala's Jedi hunters and commanders, to deal with." Corran said, hoping to move the conversation along.
"Very well. But we will come back to this later, Mandalore." Bwua'tu said as he glared daggers at Boba, before turning his attention to Syal, saying, "And what do you have to report, Commander Antilles?"
"Rogue Squadron has succeeded in destroying Death Hand Squadron, as well as the Neo Death Watch's Wing Commander, Nash Windrider, but we've suffered four casualties on our side, and our remaining fighters have suffered extensive damage, so we're temporarily out of the fight." Syal replied.
"Very good, Commander. I'll assign my best repair crew to work on the fighters and freighters, as we have a ways to go before the battle is over. In the meantime, get some food and rest. You and your men have more than earned it." Bwua'tu replied.
Syal responded with a crisp salute, and calmly left the bridge to join her men in the mess hall, leaving the seven leaders to themselves.
"So, where do you need us next, Supreme Commander?" Edaan said, eager to help hasten the battle's end.
"I need you, Master Horn, Empress Fel, and Mandalore the Protector to begin interrogating Daala for information about the One Sith, and their leader, Darth Krayt." Bwua'tu firmly said, confusing Edaan.
"Forgive me, Supreme Commander, but are you sure that the three of us shouldn't be on the ground, helping to end the fighting there? Surely your interrogators and Wraith squadron can acquire the information out of Daala and Melusar." Edaan said, wanting to do his part to end the fighting going on in the system.
"I understand you concerns, Edaan, but the fighting is start to die down, as Black Krrsantan and the forces that were invading Keldabe and Sundari have been evacuating the system, and the Czerka, Loronar, Corporate Sector Authority, and Zygerrian Slavers' Guild forces are breaking off to cover their escape. And we need to know what the One Sith's plans are, as well as learn whatever we can about this different group of Sith." Bwua'tu consolingly replied.
"Okay… but what about Belok Rhal and his army that's invading Kyrimorut? And what about the ongoing battle in space?" Edaan asked, changing tactics, but not willing to give up this argument without a fight.
"Goran Beviin, Sintas Vel, Masters Barratk'l and Dorvald, and the Grey Cadre are dealing with Belok Rhal as we speak, and Daala's space navy is in disarray, especially since Daala and Windrider have been taken out of the equation." Venku said, eager to end this pointless argument.
After sighing in defeat, Edaan said, "Very well. If that is how I can best serve the Shadow Alliance, then so be it."
"Excellent!" Bwua'tu said as he clasped his hands together in relief that Edaan was willing to take his orders. "Now, Commander Wren, I need your men to link up with Azzim Anjilic Atirue's fleet in order to reinforce his position, as former Senators Sauro and Divinian, as well as Fyor Rodan, are attacking his fleet from its left flank, and inflicting heavy casualties." Bwua'tu said as Edaan, Corran, and Boba left the bridge to get started on interrogating Daala and Melusar.
"Roger that, Bwua'tu. Anything else?" Sabine said as she began to type issue orders to her men thorugh her helmet's comms.
"Yes. You can have your men join the army on the ground at Kyrimorut, and reinforce our armies down there. I'll alert the Grey Cadre to your arrival, of course." Bwua'tu confirmed with a nod of his head.
"Good. In the meantime, I want to join the interrogation team, because I've got a personal stake in making Daala crack." Before Bwua'tu could either protest or inquire as to what Sabine meant, she said, "Don't worry, I won't go too far, if that's what you're inferring. Oh, and if you're wondering what my score to settle with Daala is, I'm sorry, but I've sworn to first tell Daala that piece of personal information. And, don't worry about my men. They can get the job done without me."
"Very well, Commander Wren, you may join the interrogation team that will handle Daala." Bwua'tu consented, realizing that nothing could stop her from taking on this quest of hers.
"Thank you, sir. You won't regret this." Sabine promised as she walked to the turbolift, which would take her within walking distance of the Megador's main detention facility.
I hope not, Sabine. I hope not. Bwuatu silently mused as Sabine entered the turbolift.
Meanwhile, On the Surface of Mandalore, In the City of Kyrimorut
Goran Beviin was in the zone as he blasted at one member of Neo Death Watch after another, with Sintas Vel, Barratk'l, and Seha Dorvald right behind him. The four of them were making their way to the center of the city where the ruins of the Shadow Alliance's command tower were, and, more importantly, where Belok Rhal was sighted within the last hour.
Oh, I'm coming for you, you dar'manda, and you better hope that one of the others get to you first, or you'll wish that you were never even born. Goran viciously thought as he swiped his gauntlet's blade through the throat of a Twi'lek Mandalorian, making her bleed out within seconds before she died, and blasting the head off of a Farghul member of the Corporate Sector Authority Espos.
Goran's reckless behavior worried Sintas and her Jedi companions, as the Mandalorian was usually a calm, cool, and collected fighter who rarely went berserk.
"Goran!" Sintas shouted in order to be heard over all of the fighting that was occurring across the city. It took another cry of his name to get him out of his bloodlust.
"What?!" Goran yelled back, upset that his near one-man decimation of Belok Rhal's army was distracted due to his comrade.
"I've just got word from Bwua'tu and Venku. The mission onboard the Chimaera was an overwhelming success, and their secret ally, who, apparently, is Commander Sabine Wren, is sending her six-thousand-man army to reinforce our defenses of the three cities, as well as several squadrons of fighters and bombers to soften the enemy forces up." Sintas excitedly said, causing Goran's eyebrows to go up in surprise.
"So, Wren finally exited deep-cover and helped take down that schutta, Daala, down. About time." Goran simply said, shocking all three of his allies.
"Wait. You knew about this?!" Seha said, shocked by the fact that Goran kept a secret of this level from everyone.
"Yep. Only Mand'alor and I knew about this mission in order to maximize the chances of success for Sabine and the men and women under her command." Goran pleasantly said.
"I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Sabine was very loyal to the Rebel Alliance in its early years, and always abided by the Resol'nare throughout her life, not to mention how all of her men followed her over to Daala's side when she trained each of them personal to obey Jaster Mareel's Supercommando Codex." Sintas said as she shook in her head in amazement, still trying to wrap her head around this turn of events, before continuing, saying, "Well, should we hold off on the attack until Commander Wren's reinforcements arrive?"
"No. By the time that those reinforcements arrive, Rhal could have escaped the planet and system, and rebuild the ranks of Neo Death Watch, causing us to go through a Third Mandalorian Civil War, and I don't know about you, but I do not want to go through any more big wars in my life." Goran adamantly said before continuing, practically growling out, "I am going after Rhal, alone if I have to, so you can either get on board, or get out of the way."
Realizing that there was no way that the three warriors could dissuade their comrade from this very dangerous course of action, they decided that the least that they could do was make sure that he made it out of this suicidal endeavor alive.
"No objections? Good. Now, if there are no further questions, what do you say that we continue plowing through Rhal's defenses until we get to him?" Goran quickly said, eager to get his hands even bloodier than they already were.
"Fine, but we need a plan. We have an army that's waging a guerilla war for us so we can get to Rhal, and we need to make sure that the lives that are dying as we speak aren't given in vain." Seha said, not quite ready to become one with the Force just yet.
"I say that we split up into two teams in order to make sure that at least one team gets to Rhal." Barratk'l said, before continuing, saying, "I'll go with Goran as Team Alpha, while Sintas and Seha can comprise Team Beta. Team Beta will provide as much chaos and confusion as they can in order for Team Alpha to take Rhal out of the war by, hopefully, capturing him alive." She said "hopefully" and "alive" with emphasis in order to make sure that Goran understood the main objective of the mission.
"Don't worry, I know how to follow directions. I'm not the child of an aruetii." Goran said with a trace of annoyance in his voice as he checked all of his weapons for any corrections that needed to be made before the four warriors split up. After taking a minute to recalibrate his blaster rifle and pistols, he said, "Is everyone ready?"
After receiving three confirming nods, Goran pleasantly said, "All right. Well, we'll see the two of you on the other side."
With those thirteen words said, the two teams split up so that Team Beta could allow Team Alpha to continue with their main objective.
Meanwhile, Above Mandalore, On the Spectre
The former Black Sun vigo Colovo was nervously pacing around the bridge of the Imperial Light Cruiser as they followed the two Star Destroyers and Nebulon-B Frigate to an isolated sector of space within the Mandalore System so that the Neo Death Watch forces could board the Spectre and force the renegade Black Sun forces to defect over to their side in order to try and salvage what they could of the battle that was quickly turning against them.
As for Durge, he was quietly conversing with the communications officer of the Spectre, instructing her to send a message to his wife and grandchildren, before he turned to put a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder. "Be at ease, my friend. We may die, but we will die on our own terms, not on Daala's or any of her sadistic minions."
"Sir, the commander of the Odyssey is hailing us!" the communications officer said, referring to the lead Imperial II-class Star Destroyer. "It's… oh, you've got to be kidding me." She practically spat out as she looked at the ID of who was hailing them. "It's Senator Divinian."
"Ugh. Probably trying to get some points in with Daala. Put her through." Colovo said, the disdain clearly evident in his voice.
Moments after he uttered those words, the holographic figure of a portly woman appeared, and that woman smugly said, "Ah! You must be the reprobates that deserted Black Sun in order to ally themselves with that degenerate Jedi, Edaan Palpatine."
"And you must be that fat, slovenly, and poor excuse for a senator, U'Ta Divinian." Colovo disgustingly said.
"If I weren't a civilized person, I would insult you back." U'Ta retorted, before continuing, saying, "So, you and the rest of Black Sun wish to surrender to the Neo Death Watch. What do you have to offer for us and my patron, Admiral Daala?"
"Your death, along with the two Star Destroyers and Nebulon-B Frigate that were stupid enough to follow us, which will bring the Shadow Alliance one step closer to victory over the enemies of life itself, you and the Sith." Durge stoically said, causing U'Ta to burst into laughter, which gave the remaining crew of the Spectre time to activate the ship's self-destruct on a one minute timer.
"Oh, you filthy criminals always come up with the best jokes!" U'Ta choked out as she struggled to stop laughing.
Fifty Seconds. Durge thought. May the Force be with our friends in the battles to come.
"It's no joke, former Senator." Colovo said, referring to the former Senator's title with great disdain, causing her to adopt a look of anger.
"Now, see here, you filthy criminals! I can order my ships to destroy your pitiful light cruiser without getting a dent on my flagship, and I wouldn't even bat an eye at the two of your deaths. So, I suggest that you and the forces under your command surrender to me, or you and the men that serve the two of you will be massacred to the man by the Neo Death Watch's superior fleets." U'Ta warned.
"Oh. You mean the fleets that are either being torn apart by the Chimaera, that are deserting the battle in droves, or are being destroyed by our 'inferior' fleets?" Colovo mockingly said.
Thirty-five Seconds. Durge silently mouthed to Colovo.
"This is only a minor setback, nothing more." U'Ta said in a tone of denial. "Soon enough, Daala will regain control of the Chimeara, and redirect her ship's efforts to destroying the Shadow Alliance, and that wretched Edaan."
"Yeah. Feel free to continue your delusional rantings, while the rest of us in the galaxy stay here, in reality." Colovo disgustingly said, reviled by the senator's refusal to see the writing on the wall.
Twenty Seconds. Durge mentally said. May my family forgive me for my sins in life.
"Excuse me?! Once the battle's over, I happen to have a vast sum of power and money coming my way, so, I'm boarding your ship in order to force your ships to join our side." U'Ta incredulously said.
"Like I said, feel free to live in a fantasy world while the rest of us live in the real galaxy." Colovo spitefully said.
Ten seconds. Durge mouthed.
"I grow tired of this. Either allow me on board, or be destroyed." U'Ta menacingly said.
"Too late, since, thanks to your babbling, we're all about to be destroyed by the ship's self-destruct sequence, which will go off in the next six seconds." Colovo gloatingly said.
After sputtering for two seconds, U'Ta spitefully said, "Chaos take you all."
"And may it take you as well, Senator." Colovo said as the self-destruct countdown reached zero, and the Imperial Light Cruiser exploded, taking the Ulysses and the Nebulon-B Frigate, as well as heavily damaging the other Imperial II-class Star Destroyer, which was quickly finished off by Black Sun bombers and fighters that ambushed and destroyed the Peacemaker.
Onboard the Megador, In the Main Detention Center
The shock wave came out of nowhere, and the force of the disturbance caused Edaan to stumble around before hitting a wall and falling to the ground, causing Sabine and Corran to come to him in concern.
"Edaan, what's wrong?" Sabine asked as the elderly Mandalorian got out a medpac for Edaan's head, which had just gained a huge purple bruise from stumbling into a durasteel wall.
"I'm not sure. I felt… a disturbance in the Force. As in… people close to me were just destroyed. I… I think that Colovo and Durge were killed, along with a lot of other people." Edaan strained to say as the medpack took away the pain from his newly acquired bump.
"Those two renegade Black Sun vigos that you managed to convince to defect over to the Shadow Alliance?" Corran asked as he helped Edaan get back up.
"Yeah. I considered them my friends and allies." Edaan said as he reached for his comlink. Activating it, and, after linking it to the Megador's bridge, he spoke into it, saying, "This is Jedi Knight Edaan Palpatine, requesting the status of the Imperial Light Cruiser, the Spectre, over."
"Roger that, Jedi Palpatine. Stand by." After thirty seconds of typing in the background, the sensors-officer said, "I'm sorry to report that the Spectre self-destructed about three minutes ago. But, the ship's crew managed to escape, and managed to destroy two capital ships, and cripple a third."
"And Vigos Colovo and Durge? Did they escape the explosion?" Edaan asked, hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst.
"No, sir. They stayed onboard, along with the bridge's crew, in order to make sure that their plan worked." The sensors-officer regretfully said. "Wait… According to this, they managed to take out the renegade Galactic Alliance senator, U'Ta Divinian."
"Well, at least they went out in a blaze of glory." Edaan jokingly said as he closed the channel to the bridge, and sighed in defeat, saying, "Why do I feel that this is only the start of the deaths of my friends and loved ones?"
"I'm afraid that that's the price of war, Edaan, and I know that all too well." Sabine sympathetically said. "But at least they managed to take out one of the prime hut'uuns that reinforced Daala, that's worth noting."
"Yeah. Too bad that they had to die in the first place." Edaan humorously said as he and the two other leaders resumed walking to the bridge. Two minutes later, they arrived outside of Daala's cell to see Boba Fett and Jaina Solo Fel waiting for them.
"Are you guys ready? The other team is interrogating Melusar as we speak. We need to begin interrogating Daala right away, as the longer that the One Sith remain hidden, the stronger that they'll grow, making it even harder to defeat them." Jaina gravely said.
"Yeah, we're ready. Let's hope that this works, or we'll be back to square one again." Corran said, before the five people were admitted into the large cell that held Daala, who was held behind a bar of durasteel.
"Come to beg for my fleet to surrender?" Daala mockingly asked before continuing, saying, "Don't bother. My fleet will fight on without me, and at least they'll die with honor, free from the blasted Force."
"Actually, we're going to make you tell us where the One Sith are, and what we can expect from them once we know where they are." Edaan said without a trace of humor in his voice. "Now, let's begin." He menacingly said.
Well, that's a wrap! Wow! I wrote this chapter in three days, just in time for the first presidential debate. I don't know about you, but I am fearful for one of the outcomes that I will not discuss, for fear of getting to deep into many issues, as well as getting kicked off of this site for getting too deep into political issues. May God watch over all of the countries of the world as the United States stands on the precipice of change, either good or bad, depending on your point of view. Anyway, I am hopeful that my writing gets better as we near my last two stories in my six-book saga. Oh, and I might have a surprise for you guys in store for you in the next couple of chapters. In addition, I plan to have Daala's interrogation a big part of the story in chapters after the battle. I hope that you're reading this, An Origami Fish and Powerslammer, and I salute you and your brilliant stories. May the Force Be With You All, and Long Live the Expanded Universe!