That day in Carentan had been one of the scariest days of my life. Being discovered and shot in the head by a bullet that missed my brain by a mere few centimetres was not exactly the greatest of experiences. But it had its benefits. It felt great to finally come out as...well...me. It didn't seem to change anything. Everyone treated me relatively the same, bar a few who thought it was so 'terribly indecent' to burp in front of a 'lady' or curse. But I soon dismissed that...or at least I tried to.
"How are you coping?" Lieutenant Winters asked. I was sat alone, on the steps were I revealed my true identity. I went there to get some time to think.
"Great, Sir" I gave him a warm smile.
"Good" he returned the gesture and his familiar cute creases beside his mouth appeared.
A gentle gust of wind picked up my hair and blew a strand across my face.
"Wow" I said and blew the annoying piece of hair out of my face "I sure hadn't missed this"
Winters stared at his feet and chuckled softly "Sorry, Private. I'd like to say, I know the feeling, but I'm afraid I can't"
"That's a shame, Sir" I winked at him.
He looked to the floor again and his cheeks turned a gentle shade of strawberry red.
"Maybe you shouldn't do that anymore" Winters said.
I searched his blushed face in confusion "Sir?"
He winked at me.
"Ohh"
"For your own safety, of course" he explained himself "and for the men too"
I laughed vulgarly and completely 'un-lady like' "Sir, I'm sure I won't be a distraction"
He shrugged his shoulders.
"I mean look at me" I gestured to my uniform "I look dirty and smell dirty, for god sake I haven't showered for at least four or five days"
He laughed "Well, I don't know...from what I've heard..." he shook his head and dismissed what he was going to say.
"Heard what?" I asked eagerly "Sir?"
"Nothing" he smiled innocently.
"Ok, Sir" I didn't persist.
Another gentle breeze threw my hair across my face but this time it was more than just a strand.
"Would you like something to sort that out?" Winters asked and started to chuckle once more.
I nodded my head behind a wall of hair "That would be dandy, Sir"
He got up from the step and held his hand out to me. I stared at it inquisitively.
"Oooh" I cried, finally realising what was going on "You want to help a lady up" I put on my best snooty face, took his hand but then laughed. It was so unnatural; all this sudden change in behaviour amongst the men since they found out that their friend Shorty was a 'lady' as they liked to call me now was going to take some getting used to.
Winters released my hand and gestured for me to follow him "Doc Roe should have something at the aid station that you could use for your hair" he explained.
It wasn't until we reached the door of the aid station that I realised Winters was flinching with every step. I gave him a quick once over with my eyes to try and assess his condition. He took another step and it was then that I noticed his limp. I put his arm over mine and helped him stay upright.
"What happened, Sir?" I asked, concerned.
He moved his arm off me and shook his head "Just a ricochet"
"In your leg?"
"Yeah, Roe got it out. It hurts...a lot... but I'll live" he gave me a reassuring smile.
After I was convinced Winters would be ok, we made our way into the aid station and Doc Roe, the beautiful Cajun, found me a bandage to use to tie back my unpractical locks. He gave a quick look over at my head and replaced the bandage with a fresh one. Once I was dismissed, I found Lieb, Luz, Skip, Malarkey, Shifty and Blithe lounging about on the streets in the sun. They were eating food that we had discovered in the town. By the looks of Skip's turned up nose, the cheese wasn't very appetising.
"Heyyyyyy! How's my girl" Luz teased.
I sat done between Lieb and Malarkey and rolled my eyes "Ha Ha" I said sarcastically "Very funny"
"I still can't believe you're a chick" Penkala shook his head in disbelief.
"Ha, well" I put my hands out to show myself off "I am"
"Yeah we can see that" Lieb smirked.
I fiddled around in my breast pocket and plucked out the bandage that Roe had given me to tame the beast that was my ferociously curly hair.
Malarkey raised his eyebrow "What's that for?"
"My hair" I parted my hair into three sections and began plating it.
He nodded his head slowly pretending to agree, when in reality he didn't know the slightest thing about hair.
They all watched in oar as I plated my hair. The plait continued all the way to the bottom of my ribs and I finished by creating a bow out of the bandage.
"See" I twirled my plait around my finger "It's called a plait...well you guys would call it a braid in America"
"Pfft, women" Luz rolled his eyes "It's all about pretty sparkles and cute little ribbons" his ploy was to annoy me, it was obvious.
"I'd be careful, if I was you" I picked up my rifle and pointed it at his smug face "This women has a gun"
Lieutenant Speirs marched past. I met his gaze and he scowled at me. It looked like I was nothing more than a rodent to him.
"Wow" Skip said, when Speirs was out of ear shot "If looks could kill..."
"I'd be dead" I interjected.
"Do you guys think the rumours about him are true?" Lieb asked, whilst prying open a can of peaches with his pocket knife.
"Well all I know, from what I've heard, he took that last 105 out on D-day, practically by himself..." Penkala leant forward eagerly "...ran through the MG fire like a maniac!"
"Holy shit!" I cried in disbelief "Are you serious?"
Malarkey nodded enthusiastically "Now that I did see!"
Penkala raised his eyebrows, rolled onto his back and kicked up his feet on a wall "I don't care if any of the other stuff is true"
"Yeah, me too" I shook my head again, trying to shake the image of Speirs killing me in my sleep. There had been so many stories about him that I just didn't know what to believe. There was even one about him shooting his own guy for being drunk. I never did find out if it was true.
"Hey Albert!" Skip shouted to Blithe who was flat out on the floor. I had completely forgotten he was there because he hadn't spoken a word, for the duration that I'd been there at least. "What do you think?"
Blithe tilted his head to the sound of Skip's voice and sighed quietly "I dunno...gonna have to take every bodies word for it..." he drawled in his slow tranquil southern accent "...dint see any of it"
"Well I guess the morale of the story is...don't take any cigarettes off Speirs" I said thoughtfully, without any intention of making a joke, but they all laughed except for Blithe who had already shut his eyes again and returned to his quiet place within his mind.
Before we knew it, it was time to make our way out of Carentan. Like usual, Easy Company was at the front of the line. We were fifth of nine companies, for god sake. Why did we always have to go first? I mean of all the companies, from Able to Item, why Easy?
We were completely exposed. We trudged through a muddy field of cow shit and wet grass moaning with every step. Well at least I was. I was tired, miserable and grumpy. At that moment in time, all I wanted was a hot bath and a warm bacon sandwich.
When we were approaching the end of the field, I couldn't be happier. My boots were smothered in thick mud and my feet were damn cold. I was not at all pleased when we were greeted with another blasted field. I couldn't help think that if Sobel could see our boots now he would be pissed.
A sudden flash of movement in the bushes to my left caught my eye. I stopped in my tracks and starred hard at the hedgerow.
Skip walked into the back of me "What?" he asked and looked off into the direction that I was so intensively staring to.
Before I got a chance to reply, the Krauts hiding in the hedgerow open fired on us.
Everyone shouted commands to run to the opposite hedgerow. We scrambled over to the hedgerows slipping on the mud as we went. The bullets whizzed past, dangerously close. I was about to dive into the bushes when I saw Blithe lying on the floor with his hands over his head.
"Come on, Blithe!" I shouted to him. He didn't reply. He just moaned in fear and shook like a limp leaf in a tornado. "BLITHE!"
I yanked him by his arms and dragged him to safe cover.
The surprise attack sure did scare me shitless. When we had taken cover within the hedgerow, we were told to immediately dig foxholes because there was no way we were going to be moving until those Krauts were dead.
I shared my foxhole with Liebgott, Smith and Talbert, but Luz Malarkey and the usual suspects had joined us. It became apparent, by nightfall, that discussion about me became everyone's favourite displacement activity.
"I fucking hate mud" I moaned as I sunk further and further into the filthy ground that was our refuge.
Luz's eyes blew up like balloon "Language please..." he teased. Ever since, earlier that day, when everyone found out about me, I couldn't so much as drop the F bomb without Luz pretending to be outraged by my 'monstrously un lady like' behaviour. I just tended to ignore it.
"You lived in Aldbourne" Malarkey pointed out matter-of-factly "You should be used to all these fields and mud"
I bounced my head in agreement "I suppose you're right. I am a country bumpkin, born and raised"
A sudden loud ghastly noise intoxicated the air. Or at least, that's what I thought of it at the time.
"What the hell have they got to sing about?" Smith said nervously peering over the foxhole. The Krauts' singing increased in volume and Smith jumped back down quickly.
Lieb shook his head "Fucking Krauts"
"Oh yeah!" I cried, suddenly remembering a brief conversation that I had with winters just after the attack by the opposing Krauts "Those Krauts were on their way to a counter attack of Carentan when we ran into them here...they want that town back...apparently, they might be attacking us at 0530"
Talbert furrowed his brow "How do you know?"
"Lieutenant Winters"
"Ahhh" Skip's eyebrows danced suggestively "Every since you became a girl you're getting all the information"
"She has always been a girl, dumbass" Lieb interjected harshly.
"You know what I meant..."
"What do you all think you're doing?!" a stern voice called down to us.
I looked up to see Lieutenant Speirs stood at the edge of our foxhole. Everyone immediately stopped talk and froze up.
I was the only brave one a plucked up the courage to speak "Sir?" I asked.
"Get back to your foxholes!" he ordered, then turned on his heels.
Everyone moaned but sure enough we obeyed the terrifying Speirs and the foxhole was abandoned bar me Lieb, Talbert and Smith.
"I'll go take the first watch" Talbert said and before anybody could say otherwise he climbed out of the hole and disappeared into the night.
We all took that as an opportunity to sleep. It had been a long day after all...
I awoke to a hushed whisper outside the foxhole. Smith's sudden movement sparked fear into my gut and my eyes shot open. It took me a moment to evaluate the situation. Smith was stood ready to stab an intruder with his bayonet. I went to reach for my riffle when I realised the intruder wasn't actually an intruder at all.
"Smith no!" I shouted...but it was too late.
Talbert whimpered in fear as Smith plunged his bayonet into him.
Liebgott awoke and jumped up immediately when he locked eyes on the sight.
"What the hell are you doin?!" Lieb pushed Smith out the way and found his way over to Talbert who was sat up against a tree clasping his stomach in pain "That's Talbert!"
"I didn't"- Smith tried to explain himself but Lieb cut him off.
"Goddamn!"
I placed my hand on Smith's shoulder...
"Shit Floyd, are you ok?" I asked forcefully, still comforting a much shaken Smith.
"Yeah real peachy, Shorty" Talbert moaned sarcastically "Medic!"
"I didn't mean to!" Smith cried his voice was just as shaky as his body "He looked like a Kraut..."
I rubbed his shoulder. I couldn't imagine the amount of guilt that he was feeling. Talbert was showing him any compassion, which was understandable, but neither was Lieb so someone had to.
Liebgott fussed about, removing layers of Talbert's clothing to reveal his injury.
"Can you breathe?" Lieb asked but Talbert didn't answer. He was too preoccupied by the pain "Look at me!"
"Yes I can breathe!" Talbert snapped at Lieb.
Doc Roe dropped into the Foxhole and immediately started working on Talbert "Gonna put some Sulpha on the wounds Floyd, you'll be fine" Roe ripped open a packet of the white powdery substance and emptied it onto Talbert's wound. Roe must have identified the bloody bayonet that was still clasped in Smith's uneasy grasp. I gently removed Smith's rifle from his hands, to prevent any more careless accidents and he didn't protest he just let me take it.
"Ahh, Geezus" Talbert screamed in pain. I couldn't help think what the Krauts must have been thinking, across the other side of the field. There was no doubt that they could hear him. Everyone could. I'm sure most of them wanted to see what was going on but only Winters and Speirs turned up to investigate. No doubt, the superior officers, told everyone to remain in their foxholes.
"What happened?" Lieutenant Winters asked. His eyes danced around the foxhole at all of us.
When he locked eyes with me I gently rubbed Smith's arm, to comfort him at the same time as subtly revealing him to Winters "A freak accident, Sir" I said simply and Winters nodded, showing that he understood. Like me, it was obvious that Winters didn't want to make Smith feel any worse than he already did.
"It's ok, Lieutenant" Roe turned to Winters with blood soaked hands "Floyd's gonna be ok"
"Where can we take him?" Lt. Winters asked. Talbert had stopped yelling by now and was in a daze.
Roe shrugged and sighed heavily "I don't know, Sir. But he can't stay here"
Winters nodded "Liebgott?"
Liebgott was sat beside Talbert when he replied "Sir?"
"Give Doc a hand taking Floyd out of this foxhole, please"
Without a word Doc Roe and Lieb lifter Talbert out of the foxhole, one hold his arms and the other his ankles. I watched, still in shock, as they carried him away.
As soon as they were out of sight, Speirs turned abruptly to Smith. Smith coward behind me, at the sight of Speirs' stern expression.
"Lieutenant Speirs, Sir"- I tried to soften the blow, for Smith, but it was no use. Speirs immediately interrupted my ploy to save Smith's skin.
"What the hell do you think you're playing at?" Speirs spoke quietly but aggressively.
"Sir, I...I...uh..."Smith tried to explain himself but he was still too darn shaken to speak.
"Sir, he didn't mean to" I tried to explain "It was dark...Talbert looked like a Kraut...even I thought he did" I lied about that but I thought it might get Speirs of Smith's back.
"It's ok, Smith" Winters interjected before Speirs could "I understand that accidents happen. Just try and be a bit more careful, ok?"
A brief smile appeared on Smith's, cowering, face but only for a few seconds "I'm sorry, Sir. It won't happen again!"
Winters climbed out of the foxhole and disappeared into the night. All that remained was Smith, me and Speirs. No one spoke. No one so much as moved. He just stared us both down. He showed no signs of pulling out his fire arm and shooting us both but his threatening stare was enough to make us both quiver.
"Smith, take watch" he finally broke the silence "I don't want you injuring anymore men..." he paused and looked at me, the same way he did that previous day "...or woman"
He raised his eyebrow at me then climbed out of the foxhole and disappeared.
Smith broke his link with me and sighed "I suppose I better go take watch" I handed him back his rifle and he disappeared behind Speirs.
I was left alone in the Foxhole, still shaken by the night's events. I took the alone time as a blessing by nestling down and closing my eyes. I wanted to sleep, I was so exhausted, but I couldn't shake the image of that kraut back in Carentan who begged me to spare his life. Suddenly every single face of the men I had killed invaded my head and filled me with immense guilt.
I flicked my eyes open and sat up quickly. I shook my head vigorously to try and rid my thoughts of the toxic remorse that thrived within my brain. My body began to convulse as the faces became clearer in my head, even with my eyes wide open.
I hit my head with my hand repetitively and whispered too myself "Calm down!"
The sudden sound of boots sliding down into the foxhole beside me took me by surprise and the images faded away.
I peered over my clenched palms and saw Liebgott.
"Are you ok?" he asked. I hadn't realised that I had been crying until a salty tear fell from my eyes onto my dry lips.
I wiped away my tears "Not really"
He edged closer to me "Do you want to talk about it?"
I shook my head "No"
We sat in silence for a while. All we could hear were the faint voices of our comrades and the bilious roar of the Krauts song.
My eyes grow tired and with the haunting images vacant from my thoughts I figured I would be able to fall asleep. My heavy head fell against Lieb's shoulder by accident. I could tell it made him feel uncomfortable because his body had tensed but I was too exhausted to lift it away. He must have still been finding it difficult to come to terms with my true sex. My head falling against him, turned out to be a good accident. After about two awkward minutes, Lieb snuggled down beside me and we both fell asleep.
A/N
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