A/N: OK, so I had a miserable day today! I sat at our Court House from 8:30 a.m -5 p.m. and still didn't get to testify, so I have to go back in a month! Then I get home and find my first bad review of this story. Just when I was ready to "Screw It", my daughter came home and told me she was accepted into the National Honor's Society and will be taking Honors English and Geometry next year! So...my mood has turned around and you get another chapter. Who's ready to laugh and party?
THE LINK TO THE SONG FROM THIS CHAPTER WILL BE POSTED ON MY PROFILE!
mustlovertp...we know Bella isn't a bitch! :)
*DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!
EPOV
What kind of coward holds the phone away from his mouth and mumbles a half assed 'I love you' to his woman?
As usual Bella's got it all wrong. She thinks she's to blame for everything that went down at the club opening night. What a fucking joke. If I had stayed on my fucking meds and fucking made her feel loved for the two months leading up to that night, that shit never would have happened.
I flick my cigarette out the open window of my apartment and consider saying 'fuck it' and hop the next flight to Seattle. But I can't. I'm not ready yet.
The weeks go by and I pass the time behind the bar of the Chicago club…again. Alec was shocked to see me back so soon, but didn't ask any questions. Good man. After what happened with Kate, I didn't have any patience for employee bullshit.
One night, about a month after I had called Bella, I came home to find a pretty decent sized box outside my apartment door. I picked it up and took it inside. It had James' LA return address on it.
I tore it open and found another taped up box inside, with a note attached to it.
E-
Your woman is persistent and hounded me until I agreed to send this shit to you. I feel like I'm 7th grade again and I am stuck passing love notes back and forth. Man the fuck up and go home!
J-
OK, so whatever is in this box is from Bella. I grab my smokes, light one up and stare at the box like it's a ticking time bomb.
"Fuck!" I mutter, going over and pouring myself a glass of Jack and downing it.
I toss my smoke in the sink and take the box over to the couch and use my key to tear through the ten layers of tape Bella has literally wrapped this shit in. It takes me a good fifteen minutes of cutting and pulling, but I finally open it. On top is what looks to be a Hallmark card. I open the card and on it is some smart assed old lady yapping about hemorrhoids and being another year older.
"Shit!" I mumble, pulling out my cell phone and looking at the date. Its June 20th my 23rd birthday.
I turn my attention back to the card and read the note Bella wrote on the inside.
Baby,
Happy Birthday, where ever you are. I've given James enough grief that I trust he will mail this and it will get to you on time. I wish I could be there to celebrate with you. But since I can't be, I've put together a little care package for you. Some of it's to remind you. Some of it's to taunt you. And some of it's to make you smile.
I love you my beautiful man! Find your way home to me soon.
XOXO
Bella
I wiped the tears from my eyes and stuck my hand in the box. I pulled out a slender rectangular shaped box wrapped in Power Rangers paper. Nice.
I tear the paper off and find a carton of Marlboro Reds. I can't help but chuckle. How well my lady knows me!
I set the smokes aside and pull out another box wrapped in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles paper. I tore the paper off, opened the box and instantly smiled. It was Bella's ridiculous ass tank top that has the sheep on it. I carefully took the shirt out of the box and held it to my nose. She'd slept in it before she sent it. My eyes blurred from the tears her sweet scent produced. God how I missed her smell.
I folded the shirt back up and placed it gently back in the box. I didn't want to air it out too much.
I reached into the box again and pulled out another gift wrapped in Barney paper. What's with all the fucking cartoon characters, Bella?
I tore the paper off and immediately gasped. It was a 5x7 framed black and white self portrait of Bella. She was laying on her back on her bed, hair all fanned out around her beautiful face, one hand holding the camera and the other blowing it a kiss.
I don't even realize how hard I am crying, until one of my tears lands on the glass of the frame. After a few minutes, I wipe my face with my shirt, set the picture on the coffee table facing me and reach into the box again.
I pull out another package that is the same size as the last one and wrapped in Baby Bop paper. Tearing the paper away, it's another black and white self portrait, but unlike the last one, Bella isn't alone in the picture. Lying next to her is my mom. Bella is holding the camera, while my mom leans her head on her shoulder…and they are both laughing. I run my finger over the glass and smile. It's a picture of the two most important women in my life…priceless.
I set the picture down next to the other and reach back in the box. There's only one more gift left. It's small, square, flat and wrapped in Princess Jasmine paper. I smile knowing that the wrapping paper choice was an homage to my 'Princess' nickname for her.
I tore the paper off and found a clear case with a DVD inside and a Post-It stuck to the front of it that said 'Let the DVD player read me, Seymour'. I instantly start cracking up thinking about Bella laughing her ass off as she wrote that. She fucking loves that lame ass movie and knows that I can't stand it. A talking plant? Give me a fucking break!
I put the DVD in the player, grab the remote and press play. I watch approximately ten seconds of fuzz, before the camera starts filming and I am looking underneath Bella's bed. What the fuck?
The camera pans up and a voice is audible.
"Is it fucking filming or not?" Bella yells.
"Yeah, I've got a picture. I'm just trying to figure out how to hold this piece of shit without giving myself motion sickness." Jasper replies.
I then hear a smack and Alice yell at Jasper.
"Watch your mouth! What the hell is wrong with you! You're going to ruin Edward's birthday surprise!"
I light a cigarette and laugh at the dip shits on the screen. This shit is golden.
The camera pans out and I can now see Bella, Rosalie, Alice and my mom huddled together on Bella's bed. Bella is painting my moms toes, mom is painting Rosalie's, Rosalie is painting Alice's and Alice is painting Bella's.
She sends me a fucking DVD of a slumber party? There better be a fucking a pillow fight. Minus my mother of course.
"Have you figured it out yet?" Bella huffs into the camera, blowing some hair out of her face. Goddamn she's beautiful.
"Yeah, I got it," Jasper's mumbles.
"I told you to let me do the filming," Emmett complains, coming in the room with a giant bowl of popcorn. "I could have gone all Scorsese on Edward's ass!"
I about bust a gut when a pillow comes flying into frame and smacks Emmett in the head, sending popcorn flying all over the room.
"You're cleaning that up you ass!" Bella yells.
"You threw the fucking pillow!" Emmett yells back, picking an unpopped kernel from his hair.
"Alright kids that's enough!" my mom fumes. "You kids and you're fucking cussing. I swear!"
I smile ear to ear. My mom is just the shit!
"Need a refill on your Margarita, Mrs. C?" Emmett laughs, tilting his head towards my mom and then miming that he's taking a drink in to the camera and then lolling his tongue out the side of his mouth.
"Well if we're ready to go, then let's do this!" Bella smiles into the camera, while screwing the top back on her nail polish.
Bella leads the way down the hallway, with the camera and everyone else following behind her. She peeks back over her shoulder, laughs and then crooks her finger in a 'come hither' motion. I try not to get pissed off that the camera ends up focusing in on her ass. Sure it's a nice ass and Jasper is only a man after all, but I think he's doing it to make a point, by showing me what I am missing back home.
Point taken and duly noted my man!
I readjust my cock in my pants and then sit up with my elbows resting on my knees. Bella comes to stop at the dining room table. Apparently her stop was rather abrupt and unexpected, because the camera jerks violently forward and is followed by a chorus of "Oafs".
Like I said…dip shits. Sorry mom.
The camera pans out again. When I see what's on the table, I hang my head between my knees and laugh my ass off. It's a huge homemade fucking cake in the shape of a dick. And the best part? It had two round cakes as balls!
They even frosted the fucking thing in a peachy flesh colored frosting and used a decorating tip to simulate pubic hair and make little veins. Oh my god…I can't fucking breathe!
Bella's head pops in the screen from the side.
"Sorry about the cake baby," she smiles apologetically. "None of us have a regular cake pan and your mom forgot to bring hers, so we had to wing it with the only pan Rose had. It's recycled from her cousin's bachelorette party last year."
Emmett's head pops into the screen from the other side of the frame then.
"But we figured since you're a huge dick for not coming home so we could celebrate your birthday with you, it's only appropriate."
Rose's hand sneaks into the frame and smacks Emmett upside the head. How does this guy not have brain damage?
I watch as Bella and Mom stab 23 fucking candles in this thing, while the other four assholes in the room fight over who gets the head and who gets the balls. Jasper finally decides that he doesn't want any, claiming he's too much of a man to eat dick…in any form!
Bella runs and turns off the lights in the room, while my mom lights the candles. A minute later and the room is illuminated by a giant glowing dick.
They sing Happy Birthday to me and then Bella and Mom blow the candles out, making the room go pitch dark.
Almost immediately Alice starts yelling about being afraid of the dark. Rose wants to know who's grabbing her ass. Bella stubbs her toe on one of the chairs and can be heard cursing up a storm in the background. My mom is trying to help Bella, making them both fall over on the table; most likely breaking it. And Emmett is yelling something about eating the damn cake, not wearing it.
A minute goes by before Jasper finally makes it over to the light switch and flips it on, blinding everyone in the room.
But it's already too late. I am pissing my pants. Sure as shit, my mom and Bella busted that fucking table right in half, launching the cake across the room, right onto Emmett's head!
Chaos ensues and everyone is laughing. Emmett pouts while wiping chunks of penis cake out of his eyes.
Finally, Bella gives up and turns back to address the camera, which is violently shaking with Jasper's laughter.
"Sorry! This was NOT how this was supposed to go!" she cringes. "Oh well, we just wanted to be a part of your special day and it's the thought that counts right? Happy Birthday, Baby. I love you!"
A second later the camera cuts out and I am left watching static. I fall back on the couch, holding my ribs and still laughing.
Best fucking birthday party of my life and I wasn't even there!
It's been almost three weeks since my birthday and I'm getting antsy. I have to do something or go home.
While at the bar that night, an old friend stops in to see me.
"Hey Kat! What the fuck are you doing in Chicago?"
"Some football player paid for me to fly out here and ink him. James' told me you were out here too, so I thought I'd stop in and say hi!"
We sat around and talked for awhile. She told me about how she's opened her own shop back in LA and was filming her own reality show.
Fucking awesome.
I tell her all about Bella and that I was thinking of getting her name put over my heart.
Kat is the shit. She specializes in Portrait tattoo's, but can ink just about anything. She's the one that did my 'Cullen' piece for me. I was one of her first paying customers and I was fucking honored.
"Dude, like seriously, it's a relationship killer to put your woman's name on your body," Kat warns. "I swear it's like breaking a mirror, walking under a ladder and crossing a black cat's path, all at the same time!"
"What about a portrait of her then?" I asked, thinking of the picture Bella sent for my birthday. The one where she is blowing me a kiss.
"You could do that. But then people might think she died or something. Most of the time portraits are done as memorial pieces or as Uber Fan portraits of celebrities. But it's up to you. I'm here for another two days, so if you think of something, let me know."
I get Kat's cell phone number and finish up my shift. I go home, chain smoke and think. Around 5 a.m. inspiration strikes and I grab my computer and start Googling images. Fucking perfect.
I call Kat later that morning and she agrees to meet me at my apartment in a few hours.
When she shows up, she's got a small make-up case looking thing and a huge fucker covered in tattoos with her.
The guy she introduces as her boyfriend, I recognize immediately. He was recently all over the news for the cheating on his Oscar winning wife. What a fucking douche bag!
Luckily Big Fucker is easily pacified with satellite TV and a Coke, so Kat and I can get down to business.
I pull out the picture that I printed off this morning, so I could show her exactly what I wanted.
Kat looks over the picture and cocks an eye brow at me.
"This better have something to do with a woman!" she laughs. "It's not every day that a straight man asks for something like this."
"Fuck you, Kat." I laugh. "My girl will see that shit and be putty in my hands!"
"Okay," she sighs and then leans over the drawing and starts working on the stencil.
Forty five minutes later the stencil is done and I am one giddy motherfucker! This is going to be awesome.
"So where am I putting this?" she asks, prepping a cotton ball with alcohol.
"Over my heart," I say proudly, motioning to the area just above my left nipple.
Kat gets to work and an hour later the outline is done and it looks fucking sick! With some clever fucking shading in white, gray and black she managed to make the shit look silver on my skin!
"Alright Edward, it's about that time. What color are we doing this thing in?" Kat asks, motioning toward the one colored thing on the entire piece.
"Sapphire blue!" I smiled widely.
"A September baby, eh?" she chuckles. "You're going all out, dude."
Kat finishes the tattoo, wraps it up and then sticks around for a bit for some drinks. It's after 11 p.m. when she takes Grizzly fucking Adams and leaves.
Kat. Wonderful woman. Kick ass tattoo artist. But no taste in men.
Two weeks go by and the tattoo is almost completely healed and looks fucking hot. I can't wait for Bella to see it.
I call Bella that night and I'm fucking walking on sunshine. She answers the phone like she knows it's me and I fucking love that!
She prattles on about her work and everything that's happened in the last two months since I've talked to her. Apparently Jasper and Emmett proposed to Alice and Rosalie on the fourth of July. Neither one knew the other was going to do it, so it caused a bit of a controversy and a food fight ensued. Funny shit!
As much as I love hearing about the goings on in her life, I had to cut her off and play the song I was dying for her to hear. I pushed play on my Chris Daughtry CD, put the phone on speaker and waited for her reaction.
Bella doesn't disappoint. The music starts playing and he's barely through the first verse when she starts crying and screaming and telling me that she loves me over and over.
I'm staring out into the night, trying to hide the pain
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain
Well, I'm going home, back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me
I'm not running from, no, I think you got me all wrong
I don't regret this life I chose for me
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home, well I'm going home
The miles are getting longer, it seems, the closer I get to you
I've not always been the best man or friend for you
But your love it makes true and I don't know why
You always seem to give me another try
So I'm going home, back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me
I'm not running from, no, I think you got me all wrong
I don't regret this life I chose for me
But these places and these faces are getting old
Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it all
You just might get it all and then some you don't want
Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it all
You just might get it all, yeah
Oh, well I'm going home, back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me
I'm not running from, no, I think you got me all wrong
I don't regret this life I chose for me
But these places and these faces are getting old
I said these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home, I'm going home
I'm on my way, Princess…
If you read my A/N from above...you know I need some love! Besides, I know you have opinions about the Penis Cake! :)
Vixangel, you better be smiling Girlfriend...this one was for you! :)