Chapter twenty-one
Alice had become accustomed to her new morning routine. Always being flanked by two burly men, having her breakfast and medication before an hour of what could only be described as Kindergarten for adults followed by a group session and a solo session with a physiatrist. Every day the same dreary routine, she could feel her mind numbing and becoming duller with each day and each new influx of drugs. As far as mental torture went, Alice thought that she preferred the insane methods of Dr. Dum and Dr. Dee from Wonderland. She tried telling this to her physiatrist once with a small smile, she'd gotten fed up of trying to hide things from them and so told them the truth. A small part of her registered that this probably wasn't a wise move, but that part of her was slowly becoming fainter and fainter.
"So, Alice, how are you feeling today?" Doctor Claret asked with a small smile,
"I'd be a lot better if I was out of here." Alice pulled at a loose thread in her sleeve,
"This isn't a prison, Alice, we're here to help you." She reached across her desk and picked up a file with Alice's name printed across it. Doctor Claret opened it and scanned the lines of neatly printed penmanship, "So, Alice, have you heard any more voices recently?" she asked,
"It's a voice, not voices." Alice protested, as if to prove her point, the voice sounded in her head once more. Alice smiled to herself,
"Be strong."
"Okay, voice, singular. Have there been any more repeats of said voice?"
"Have restraint my child. Keep me a secret."
"No, none at all." Alice lied, the more the voice talked to her the more she could feel it washing away some of the numbness within her, her mind was becoming sharper and more alert.
"Okay." Doctor Claret scanned her notes again for the next point to bring up, "What about Wonderland? In our last meeting you said that you were going to find a way back there that you had to get back to...Hatter. How have you been feeling about that recently?"
"Be strong, Alice, show restraint. You know what she wants to hear."
"To tell you the truth Doctor, I'm never going to get back to Wonderland." Alice stated and Dr. Claret looked up from over her notes, her pen was poised ready to write down more, "I'm never going back because none of it is real. I think I created Wonderland as an escape from the real world. I was finding it hard to deal with loss and so I created my own world on the other side of the mirror. I made David into Hatter because I couldn't deal with him being an ordinary guy and when he left me I convinced myself that he had been taken into my mirror world because it was easier to deal with than the fact that another man had left my life." Even saying it out loud it sounded like the more believable option, but Alice was stronger than to just lay down and accept what was easy.
"I am proud of you, my child. You're time will come soon."
Doctor Claret looked sceptical of Alice's sudden change of heart, she scanned her notes once more, "I see, any dreams or nightmares, anything at all that you want to mention?" Well, there was always the reoccurring nightmare of Duchess making out with her fiancé...
"No, nothing at all." Alice said with a small smile, "Is that everything? Because I think lunch is about to be served and I am starving." Alice rubbed her stomach just as it grumbled loudly for dramatic effect,
"Very well, I think that's all for today." Doctor Claret finished writing in Alice's file and motioned for the two burly men at the door to walk Alice back to the cafeteria. Alice felt strong for the first time since before Hatter left. She felt like her old self again, not the shell of the girl she used to be, like she had when she got here.
Alice pilled her tray with food, she reached the end of the line and took the small cup of medication from the nurse who waited to make sure that she took them,
"Don't swallow them, my child. They will only put back what we have worked so hard to achieve. Be clever about it though."
Alice hid the tablets under her tongue like she used to when she was younger and was faking illness to get a day off school. She showed the nurse her apparently empty mouth before moving back to her table and spitting them out into her hand and sliding them into her dressing gown pocket.
"Very good." The voice praised and Alice helped herself heartily to a mountain of mashed potato.
After lunch, Alice returned to the recreational room. This was the worst part of her day. Alice was more of a physical person, she preferred to spend her free time taking her anger out on a punching bag or being active and productive, unfortunately, they didn't really allow patients to do anything physical, they preferred them to be calm and mellow. It almost killed Alice to sit there and put together a puzzle or watch a cheery, happy film where nothing gets blown up and no one gets hurt. And if she had to look at another painting of a flower or a fruit she would literally hurt someone. Luckily, she had a guest to occupy her time. Her mother stood nervously on the far side of the Rec room, flanked by Amber who had a sympathetic look on her face. Alice pretended not to see them and took a seat in front of a set of dominos. She started lining them up just as Carol and Amber took a seat on the other side of the table.
"How are you, sweetheart?" Carol asked in a slightly louder voice than usual,
"I'm mad, remember, not deaf." Alice didn't look up from her dominos.
"You're not mad, sweetheart, you just needed a bit of help, that's all."
"Because being locked in a loony bin was really helpful, thanks mom, you're the best." Alice said sarcastically, Alice looked up at the two, "And you're being awfully quiet Amber, by my measure, if I'm mad, then you should be locked up in here too, there's a lovely room opposite mine that's going free."
"Alice, please." Carol's voice was shaking with emotion and Alice sighed,
"If you want to help me, get me out of here. I'm not mad, I don't belong in here." Alice stated,
"Alice, please don't make this any harder than it already is. I've got an appointment to speak with your Doctor. I'll be right back." Carol left her seat and disappeared down the hall, leaving Amber and Alice alone,
"Be wary with this one, Alice."
"Why did you let this happen? Why did you let her put me in here?" Alice asked in outrage,
"I didn't know what she was going to do. But now that she has done it, I can see that it is for the best."
"I don't understand? You know that I'm not mad, Amber, you're from Wonderland!"
"I know I am, but you're not. You don't belong there. He wanted you, Alice. He wanted you dead. I couldn't let him, I made a deal, I tricked him. I told him that I would lure you to the mirror as long as after that, the mirrors would never be opened again, we split the stone of Wonderland, he has half, and I have the other, the Looking Glasses doesn't work without both halves together, it was the only way that I knew he wouldn't go back on his deal. I was going to offer myself, but then Hatter came in. He wasn't of this world, he was from Wonderland, he belonged back in his own world, so I let the King take him, just so long as you would be safe on this side."
"What?" This was too much information for Alice to get at once,
"But don't you see? With half on each side there is no way for both halves to be reunited, the Looking Glass will never open again. But there are others, on his side, they came through the Looking Glass before your Hatter went through, they're in this world. But as long as you are in this...this place, you're safe, Alice."
"Why, why would you do this? Why would you split the stone? Who are you Amber?"
"I guess my official title would be the Red Queen of Wonderland, but it's not by any choice of my own, let me tell you..."
"I thought you left Wonderland as a teenager, though?" Alice asked, her brain was started to hurt with the sudden influx of information,
"I did, I was eighteen when I left. Arranged marriages are never pretty, and unluckily for me, I got the worst of the bunch, he was bloodthirsty and ruthless and just plain cruel. I saw my opportunity and ran through the Looking Glass, searching for a better life. He didn't know where I was until he came looking for you through the mirror in my shop. You are such a good person, Alice, I couldn't let him hurt you."
"So you just threw Hatter to him! He could be dead! Why does this Red King want me so bad? What's so special about me?"
"I didn't plan for Hatter to go through, I saw the opportunity and I took it, as for you, why Alice, you're the most special one there ever was. I could see it when I first met you, and even more so now. You're the very one who my beloved bastard husband fears the most."
"But why me?" Alice shouted and attracted the attention of the two men that followed her around everywhere,
"I think that's enough visitors for today. I think it's time you left, Ma'am." One of the men said to Amber, who left her seat with the same sympathetic expression that she had entered the room with.
The men started to lead Alice back to her room but her mind was elsewhere,
"She speaks the truth, but do not despair, there is still hope."
How could there be hope, if the Stone of Wonderland was in two halves, Alice wondered, There was no possible way for the Looking Glasses to be opened again, she was never going to see Hatter again. This started to send the edges of her mind fuzzy and numb again as it tried to freeze out the negative thought.
"No. You mustn't give up, Alice. There is still a way. You're almost ready."
"Ready for what?" Alice asked aloud, one of the men turned around to look at her,
"Pardon?"
"Oh, nothing." Alice continued staring off into the distance,
"When the time is right, you will see."
"You know, I'm getting really sick and tired off all of your cryptic crap. Can't you just give me a straight answer for once!"
"Okay, lady, I think it's about time that you calmed down a bit."
"Alice, show restraint." The voice warned,
"My world is crashing around me and you want me to shut up?" the men's grip around her arms tightened and Alice resisted against it,
"Calm down." They warned but Alice thrashed against their hold on her once more and her Doctor appeared carrying a large needle,
"No! Not again!" Alice fought as hard as she could,
"Alice, this is important, you must listen to me now. You must be stronger than ever. Fight against the effects of the drugs, keep your mind strong and your true power will follow."
The needle went into her arm and almost instantly Alice could feel herself becoming drowsy,
"Fight it, Alice."
"I'm tired noff fickting." Alice found it hard not to mince her words as everything around her became black.
Alice awoke in Wonderland, she was back inside of the forest that often plagued her dreams, but this time it felt different, the edges were a lot more wobbly and blurred, as if everything was moving out of the corner of her eyes but when she turned either way, everything looked normal. She walked for a short while until she came across a long table. Sat at one end of the table was Hatter, only he wore a much bigger and more manic smile than Alice was accustomed to. Nevertheless, she still ran to his side, he poured her a cup of tea from a furry teapot and handed it to her,
"Hatter? What's going on." She looked down at the cup suspiciously,
"You're dreaming of course." He sniffed the teapot before wrinkling his nose in disgust and throwing it over his shoulder, where it quickly scuttled off. Hatter reached for another teapot and poured himself a cup of tea that was the most violent shade of pink that Alice had ever seen, "Or am I dreaming? I can never tell these days." Hatter poured his tea from his cup into his saucer and proceeded to lap it up with his tongue like an animal.
"Well then how do I wake up?" Alice reached and pinched herself, but to her surprise, not only did it hurt, but nothing happened, "I can't wake up."
"Of course you can't, you're asleep." Hatter laughed, "If you could be awake whilst you were asleep then there would be no use for dreams."
Something caught Alice's eye in the distance, the flutter of material as it disappeared behind a tree. Alice quickly ran after it. All of a sudden she was face to face with the elderly woman from her hand mirror back home, the same woman who had been talking to her thoughts recently,
"I am sorry to invade your dreams like this." She apologized. Alice looked back at the deranged Hatter who was attempting to pour tea into an upside down teacup and becoming increasingly frustrated with the lack of tea available for him to drink from it.
"Trust me, it's no problem."
"The time is almost right for you to come to Wonderland, my child."
"I don't understand how though, Amber split the stone, it can't work anymore."
"There is something that I must tell you, a secret that has been kept long enough. I am going to take you, through your dreams to a memory of my own, well a selection of memories, I think that all will become clear afterwards."
Alice looked back at Hatter for a final time,
"Don't worry about him, my dear. He is simply a reflection of a part of your mind. The part that wants to believe that Wonderland is too crazy to actually exist, so therefore you must be crazy too. You need to let go of that part in order to move forwards. You need to be strong."
Alice turned her back on Hatter's mad tea party and took a deep breath, before following the old woman forward through the trees.