Mark was scheduled to go into surgery at eleven the next morning. The surgeon didn't even get to the hospital until 12:15 and it was another twenty minutes before Mark got wheeled off. This was part of the reason Jeff greatly disliked doctors. They took forever and always made it so that he was stuck in the hospital for an insanely long time. "I'm bored," he announced. He looked down at his nail polish. "And I'm hungry."

James raised his eyebrows. "I fed you enough pancakes to make Marky himself explode. How are you hungry again?"

Jeff shrugged. "I dunno. I just am. Feed me James, feed me!"

Connor glared at Jeff. "Hey! Daddy feeds me first! You already hogged all the pancakes!"

Cooper rolled his eyes. "You ate even more pancakes than Jeff did, you fucking pig."

"Daddy! Cooper called me a pig!"

"Well what do you want me to do about it?" James asked.

"Destroy him!" Connor ordered. "Make it so I'm an only child again!"

"I'm the older one dipshit," Cooper said in exasperation. "You never were the only child."

Connor growled and smacked Cooper across the face. Cooper got pissed and knocked Connor out of his chair before pouncing on him. Within seconds the two of them were rolling around on the floor, attempting to strangle each other. Jeff giggled as he watched them. "Do they do this a lot?" he asked.

James nodded. "They do it all the time...okay, that sounded more than a little wrong." Then he shrugged. "But it's the truth."

Jeff spun around in his chair so fast that he about fell out of it. "What?" he said in disbelief.

James just grinned. "You heard me."

Jeff blinked a few times, trying to process that. "Your boys...they do it? It as in sex?"

"That's usually what "it" is when it's used in this context," James confirmed.

"But...doesn't that kind of weird you out?"

"Jeff, I fucked my own twin sister and fathered Connor with her! I'm the last person who's going to get weirded out by a sexual relationship between my boys." He looked down at the boys as the fight nearly got right on top of his feet. "At least I don't have to worry about one of them getting pregnant."

Connor kicked Cooper off of him and stood up. "Why? What if I want to get pregnant?"

James shook his head. "We've been over this a thousand times Connor. You can't get pregnant because you are a boy."

"Yes I can!" Connor insisted.

"No you can't," James replied.

Connor growled and looked at Cooper. "You! Impregnante me now!"

Cooper looked like a dear caught in the headlights. "Connor I told you that I don't want--"

"Silence! I kill you if you do not give me baby!"

Jeff doubled over because he started laughing so hard. Connor looked and sounded completely serious about this baby thing and poor Cooper looked scared to death.

Connor glared at Jeff. "Are you mocking me? I kill you!"

Jeff stopped laughing and whimpered.

"Aw, I'm just kidding," Connor said quickly. "I won't kill you." He sat down on Jeff's lap. "Can I show you something?"

"Sure," Jeff said, amused by Connor's childlike demeanor. People always said he was childish, but Connor not only took that cake, but he had two of them. Wait...that didn't make any sense. Hmmm....oh well, it doesn't have to. I'm Jeff Hardy. What I say or think doesn't have to make sense.

Connor reached into his pocket and pulled out a picture of a little boy with the brightest red hair Jeff had ever seen. "This is Cooper," he said happily. "Wasn't he cute?"

"Connor!" Cooper yelled angrily, immediately trying to snatch the picture out of his younger brother's hands. "You promised to burn that!"

"Wow, it looked like your head was on fire," Jeff said in amazement. He looked up at Cooper now. The younger man's hair was dyed dark brown. "Is it still that way?"

"It will be if he ever stops dyeing it," James said with a chuckle. "It's how we know he's biologically Mark's. My dear old Deadman gave him that head of hair."

Connor giggled. "His head isn't the only thing with red hair. You should see his--"

Cooper punched Connor on the side of the head and took the picture. "You just shut your damn mouth," he ordered. "Or I will end your unholy existence."

Connor started to say something in response to that, but a loud growling noise caused them all to look at James. James glanced down at his stomach in amusement. "I guess it's time to go out and eat lunch," he announced.

"But Mark--" Jeff started to object.

"Isn't going to be out of surgery for another couple of hours," James pointed out. "We've got time to go out and eat a few hamburgers."

Cooper and Connor didn't have any objections, so they left the hospital and piled into the back of James's car. Just as James was about to get into the driver's seat, he looked back and went completely still. Jeff frowned and looked back too. "James?" he said cautiously. "What's wrong?"

James got into the car and shut the door. "We're being watched," he told them.

"What?" Cooper said in disbelief. "By who?"

"I'm not exactly sure, but if I was to take a wild guess right now, I'd say a P.I."

"A P.I.?" Jeff said nervously.

"A private investigator," James clarified.

"I know what a P.I. is," Jeff said in exasperation. But why would one--"

"Matt," James said as he drove away from the hospital.

"What does Matt have to do with this?"

"I think he hired the guy."

Jeff stared at James in shock. He was actually offended that James would even think that Matt would do something like that. "Look, I know Matty hasn't really taken my relationship with you and Mark that well, but he wouldn't hire private investigators to invade your privacy. That's taking it too far, even for him."

James shook his head. "Believe what you want to believe Jeff, but I'm telling you right now that I know in my gut--"

"Well your gut is wrong then!" Jeff shouted. "Okay? Matt wouldn't do that to me!"

"But he's not doing it to you," Cooper said. "He's doing it to Dad."

Jeff looked back at Cooper and Connor. One look at them told him that they were siding with their dad. Feeling frustrated and outnumbered, he folded his arms over his chest and stared out the window. He didn't want to believe that Matt would go this far. This would be too extreme, even for him. James tried to change the subject and make small talk, but Jeff refused to play along. He was mad at James for even saying that Matt would do something like that and also kind of afraid of the chance that James was right. He can't be right, Jeff told himself. He can't be. He's just being paranoid because he knows that Matt doesn't like him. Yeah, that has to be it. That's a perfectly reasonable explanation.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

James sighed and let Jeff keep ignoring him. If Jeff wanted to be in denial about his brother's actions, then that was fine. James didn't need Jeff to believe him. That wasn't what was important. What was important was getting a hold of the investigator himself and finding out if there was anyone else either following him or digging into his past. Oh, and he wanted to find out if it really was Matt behind this. James was nintey nine point nine percent sure that Matt had done it, but he would double check just to make sure.

Oh Matty, you really shouldn't have done this. Once I can confirm you're behind it, you are officially going to be on my shit list. And that my friend, is a place you don't want to be.