What doesn't kill us
Chapter Twenty One
They spent the next day exploring the New Forest stopping every now and then when they saw a footpath that appealed to them, parking the car and wandering hand in hand through the heath land skirting past the gorse bushes stopping when they felt they had walked far enough, returning to the car and just repeating the exercise. Harry was happy to find that the walking stick did make a difference and that his pain certainly didn't seem as acute. Indeed he'd not needed to take any pain killers since he'd woken that morning.
Ruth was entranced not only the wild ponies but by the cattle and donkeys that also roamed free. They had a lively discussion about the merits of the rights and traditions that allowed "Commoners" to graze their animals for free throughout the New Forest set against the increasing traffic and the issues of road safety. It was getting increasingly heated when Harry pulled over to the side of the road in a particularly isolated and secluded spot and put his finger on Ruth's lips.
" You never could bear to lose an argument could you Harry? Have you chosen this spot to dispose of my body2 she joked "Because I'll tell you for nothing Harry Pearce someone somewhere will miss me!"
"Just keep quiet and turn round slowly" he answered and there in front of them through the undergrowth Ruth could see what Harry had spotted a fallow deer doe with her fawn by her side. They watched delighted as the graceful creatures made their way daintily through the woodland until they were out of sight.
Deciding to dine out they found a pub on the outskirts of Lyndhurst and after enjoying a very good meal they made their way back to their holiday home.
"I'll miss this place" said Ruth as she put the kettle on. "It's been lovely here, just lovely. I couldn't have wished for a nicer place to stay, even though at the beginning I thought you'd lost your mind and booked us into a tent!"
"We can come back Ruth, we can come back any time you want to. I'm just sorry we can't stay longer but I'm very keen to get back to London and see the quack. Try and get things sorted..."
"Of course we must go back Harry" she handed him a mug of tea just the way he liked it, even after all these years she still remembered. And he reflected that this woman, his Ruth was probably the only person in the world who could make him a drink and not ask how he took it. Not since Jane had he shared such subtle interaction but this was much better, this was real and this would last.
As they drove away the next morning Ruth turned and bid a silent farewell to the place were Harry had felt safe and cherished enough to reveal how badly damaged his body was to her. Where they had taken yet another important step on their long road to intimacy. Settling back she kissed the ring on her finger before reaching into the glove compartment rooting about until she found the last two wine gums, popping one into Harry's mouth with a huge grin on her face. Nearing the outskirts of London Harry asked quietly, his eyes fixed firmly on the road
"You are coming home with me aren't you Ruth? I don't want to presume anything but it seems silly for us to approach the appointment from different sides of the city. And, and well I don't want to sleep alone any more my love."
"Thank goodness" said Ruth "I was just working out how I could invite myself into your home without seeming desperate! So yes Harry, I would love to come home with you, sleep in your bed and see if my fantasies about you are any where near the real life you lead."
"Fantasies Ruth? You'll have to explain that to me or my imagination will play havoc with me and I've got to navigate the London traffic to get us home safely."
"Oh nothing like that Harry. I just used to think about what your house would be like. If it would be as tidy as your office. You now a place for everything and everything in it's place. What colour your bedroom would be, what your bed would be like. If you had a garden that you sat in to relax. Silly things like that. And now I'm going to find out!"
Harry handled the busy, chaotic London with consummate ease and very soon they were turning into a leafy road full of impressive three storey houses. Just before they'd turned Ruth had spotted a large park and they'd passed a very busy parade of shops and cafés. It looked like a very nice area but she hadn't expected anything else. Pulling the car into the drive Harry turned off the ignition before turning to Ruth saying "Well this is it Ruth. Home"
Taking their bags from the car Harry opened the door, moving to swiftly towards the alarm system. Ruth closed the door behind her suddenly feeling a little lost, after all this was very much Harry's territory and she felt in her heart of hearts that she needed to take a step back and let him take this at his own pace. So she stood quietly behind him taking in the small clues she could she in the hallway despite her burning desire to rush off and explore every inch of the house.
Reaching out a hand to her Harry " This may seem clichéd and boring Ruth, but I could murder a cup of tea. Come through to the kitchen?" And taking her hand he led her into a large kitchen diner, pale green in colour with lots of pale wood. The end wall was comprised solely of glass sliding doors that led out onto a walled garden. The whole room was flooded with light. It was a lovely room and Ruth told him so.
"I can't take any credit for any of the décor in this house" he said. "Catherine did it all, she sorted it all out while I was in hospital. We decided that I needed to move, make a bit of a fresh start and this came on the market. It needed some work but the old house sold for more than I thought and...To be honest the first time I saw it was the day I was finally discharged. Now go and explore I can see you're dying to look round."
Ruth wandered around the house. It was lovely, she'd not expected it to be anything else but it had an air of loneliness about it. It felt like a place that was used not loved. There were few personal items on display, a couple of pictures of a baby. Harry's grandchild she speculated. Upstairs there were four bedrooms and a bathroom, all functional but nothing more. She pushed open the door to the last bedroom and found what she was looking for. This was Harry's room and en suite dominated by a huge king size bed which was placed in front of a chocolate brown wall the other three painted a shade of cappuccino. The floors were pale hard wood with bright scatter rugs and the bedding was bright but her eyes were drawn to the bedside table. On it were photos, one of Catherine's wedding, another of two children who she presumed were Graham and Catherine. And the biggest surprise of all a photo frame that contained three pictures of her. Sitting down on the bed she picked it up and clutched it to her chest.
"You can't sleep that side Ruth, that's my side" said a voice from the doorway.
"Where did you get these Harry? Why?"
"You know why my Ruth and as to how I came by them. That one is the photo that came attached to your application to join Five, the middle one was taken just before you left for the first time. Remember that time when Malcolm had that new fangled camera, when he was snapping everybody and everything. And that one was taken at The George on one of our nights out. Nights when I used to pretend we were on a date, that we were together as a couple. Remember how they used to make sure we always sat together, I guess they all knew even then."
Putting the frame down carefully Ruth patted the side of the bed indicating that he should sit next to her "And now Harry we know as well. What a fool I was, how much I must have hurt you my darling."
Harry pulled her closer and said softly. Do you now I really believe that if we had got together then it wouldn't have worked. There were too many outside influences that would have put so much pressure on us. God Ruth, we weren't even together and look what happened to you! Now,well now we can just be us and it's wonderful, better than I could ever have imagined. And I intend to make the most of it!"
Laughing Ruth pulled him down on the bed and they spent some time proving to each other just how good being together could be. Their interlude was interrupted by Harry's phone ringing. He told Ruth he had to answer it as the ring tone was Catherine calling. Ruth got off the bed and went downstairs leaving Harry to talk to his daughter. When he came down Harry told her that Catherine had called to remind him about his appointment and making sure that Ruth was going with him. He looked a little abashed that his daughter was fussing over him so much and said the so to Ruth.
"Don't try and kid me Harry Peace. You love it! Having women fuss over you is good for your male ego." and she pushed her shoulder playfully into his, Harry winced and she jumped back as though she'd been scalded. "I'm so sorry Harry, so sorry! Please forgive me."
Harry could see she was on the brink of tears and he moved to console her saying "Don't be silly Ruth, you just caught me on a raw spot that's all. No harm done. Now do you want to eat in or out. We could order a take away, I've got some very nice wine and I'm sure there's ice cream in the freezer.
Later as they lay together in Harry's bed just quietly talking about the appointment and the things that they needed to ask the doctor Harry abruptly changed the subject
"This was a dream of mine you know Ruth, this bed came from the old house, one of the few things I brought with me. And do you know why I brought it?" not waiting for a reply he carried on "I brought it because I lay in this bed for so many nights dreaming about you, imagining you here in my arms like this, crying myself to sleep because I'd finally accepted that it would never be. That it was just a wonderful pipe dream."
"But here we are Harry, here we are. Here with the rest of lives ahead of us."
"The doctor may not be able to help me Ruth" he said under his breath so she could only just hear him."What then?"
"We face that if and when we come to it Harry. I am very confident that everything will be fine. And if not it's only sex Harry."