Chapter 21: "So here were are in this big old room, staring at each other. Who's gonna make the first move?"

"Dad!" Kara called, "Jude's on TV again."

Tommy glanced in from the kitchen as Kara pointed at the TV excitedly. On the screen concert footage was being shown, interlaced with scenes of fans queuing for blocks to buy tickets. It cut to a shot of Jude being interviewed, sitting in a brightly lit studio with an overly made up early morning show interviewer.

Tommy returned to the kitchen, feeling a strange lump in his throat as Jude's voice echoed in behind him. He finished drying and putting away the dishes then braced his hands against the bench. Involuntarily his eyes drifted up to the ceiling and his bedroom which was directly above that.

It had been a month since Jessica died and he'd spent much of that time sleeping in the guest bedroom. However, he'd gradually been spending more time in his own room, slowly easing himself into it. He'd decided this was the week that he would move back.

"Kara I'm going upstairs. Can you come up soon and help me with some things?"

Kara nodded as he walked through the room, her eyes still fixed to Jude's face on the TV screen.

"I'd like to say hi to my friend Kara, she told me she was going to get up early to watch this interview today," Jude said on screen. She smiled and waved to the camera. Kara squealed excitedly.

Upstairs, Tommy stood in the doorway of his bedroom. The room still smelt of Jessica. He knew now much of it came from her perfumes, still lined up on the dressing table. The human scent had been fading since the day she died.

He carried a box with him and he set it down inside. Over the course of the next fifteen minutes he went through Jessica's make-up, checking expiries and throwing away partially used items. Some he put aside for Kara to play with. The perfumes and other lasting items were carefully packed away to be given to Kara when she was older. Jessica's favorite perfume he tucked away into the back of his sock drawer.

When he was finally finished he surveyed his work. In front of him was a bachelor's dressing table. Mostly clear save a comb, a tie pin, a box for cufflinks and not much else. He didn't allow himself to dwell on the sadness. Instead he turned his attention to the closet.

Jude picked at her nail polish, peeling back the tips of the white French manicure as her manager reeled off the names of reporters, magazines, TV stations, the never ending litany of press she was to meet with over the next couple of days. Her eyes drifted to the hotel window, seeking out the far off horizon littered with buildings. Somewhere beyond that, some hundred miles away lay the ocean. She could imagine waves lapping against the shore, teasing as they inched forward only to forever pull away. She pressed her fingertips to her forehead and pressed down. Her head hurt.

"We're doing well," Timothy Turns, manager extraordinaire continued. "Two weeks into the tour and everyone's talking about you right now. You've trended on twitter three times this week."

Jude nodded, trying to remember what trending met and which of the social networking sites Twitter was. She was pretty sure it had something to do with a bird. Either way it was just another website she'd learnt to avoid since fame began to chip away at her personal life and blur the edges.

She'd received the divorce papers from her lawyer the night before. She'd spent the evening curled up in her hotel bed, flipping through the pages. She had the TV playing softly, a CNN reporter talking about unrest in the Middle East and an earthquake in a far off country. She tuned out the words, trying to let the sound trick the edge of her mind into believing she wasn't alone.

As the red lights on the bedside alarm screamed out 3:03am she'd set pen to paper and signed her name. Above it Mark's bold scrawl sat plain and obvious.

This was it.

It was over.

She was free.

She was starting afresh.

She was alone.

Tommy had been itching for a fight for days. It was like re-meeting an old friend, this familiar feeling coming back to him. The way his fingers itched, constantly curling into fists, the jumpiness that made his steps large, his shoulders bounce and of course the twisting fire of anger in the pit of his stomach. Everything was wrong. Everyone was to blame. He just wanted to pound his fist into something, hear the crunch and see the blood. Maybe that would help in some messed up way. Could it really hurt?

Kara was spending the weekend at a friend's place. When he'd snapped at her over breakfast on Friday morning after she complained about the lack of orange juice, he figured it was best to get her away from him. He wanted to lash out at everything, everything but her.

Going to G-Major probably wasn't the best idea. It was a Saturday. It wasn't necessary but the house was far too big and echoing with no one in it. He didn't feel haunted by Jessica anymore. More like he was haunted by the memory of them both, the way being a family had felt. The memories collided so harshly with the present it was as if the house came to life.

The lobby was busy. Interns ran around with piles of paper and headsets on their head. Artists leaned against walls, strumming guitars and humming to themselves, lost in their own world. And then there were the people in suits; backs straight, expressions serious, dollar signs flashing in their eyes.

Tommy stood in the middle of the room and took it all in, slowly turning, letting everything blur together. And then a familiar voice caught his attention. He turned to see commotion at the door. Mark and his band were walking in. People flocked about them as they arrived. Mark was the center of attention. He grinned, his white teeth flashing as he slipped off his glasses and tucked them into his pocket in one fluid motion. He wrapped an arm around a new intern's shoulder as someone flashed a photo of the two, and then kissed her on the cheek. Her skin flushed a bright red as she watched him walk away.

Tommy felt the familiar itching in his fingers and he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket, hiding the angry fists. He turned and left the room, walking quickly to the nearest exit which happened to be an empty studio. He leaned against the mixing station, inhaling and exhaling slowly; feeling the peace and complete silence of the room slowly calm him.

He wasn't surprised when the door clicked open. It was as if a part of him had suddenly developed psychic powers and new this moment was coming, that it was simply inevitable.

"Tommy Quincy, I wasn't expecting to see you here." Mark tipped his hands to the side in a casual gesture. The door clicked shut behind him. "It's been awhile hasn't it?"

Tommy gritted his teeth, his hands clutching the edges of the soundboard so tightly the edges left imprints in his palm. "Not long enough," he growled.

Mark smiled as he leaned back against the door. "Still no love between us, huh? And no one's watching, no need to put on a happy face?" He tipped his head to the side in a shrug. "No one left to watch I guess. I mean, Jude's been gone for months and, well…"

Tommy waited for him to mention Jessica, knowing the moment Mark did, he'd lunge forward and slam his fist into that smug face. Mark remained silent.

"How is Jude?" Tommy finally asked. The words were hard to say, it was as if he were a child still learning to speak, he had to focus on the syllables and the letters, pausing slightly between each word.

"Oh, she's great." Mark nodded, the movements too big, too happy. "She loves life on the road, all those big spaces, that energy. She gets so excited, if you know what I mean."

Tommy turned his head to see Mark's eyes sparking. He seemed so pleased with himself and yet there was something not quite right. There was something defensive about the set of his shoulders, the way his eyes would drift away if Tommy met them. Tommy turned so his back was to the sound board and leaned back against it, crossing his arms over his chest.

"When did you see her last?" He asked

"One of her shows, the cities, places, they all run together after awhile."

"Must have been hard to fit in with your own schedule?"

"Well, you make time when it matters, right?"

Tommy tilted his head to the side, eyes searching. "You haven't seen her recently have you?"

Mark tucked his hands into his pockets. He didn't speak for a moment. His expression flickered from one thing to another, as if he were trying to decide what course to take. Eventually he decided. "Well, I saw [i]a[/i] girl recently. Not sure if it was Jude."

Instantly Tommy's hands were gripping his collar, pulling him up and shoving him back against the wall. Mark lifted his chin, a slightly shaky smile on his lips. "Still her little guard dog I see? Kicking her one minute, defending her the next."

"Shut up," Tommy growled.

Mark laughed. "Or what?"

Tommy let go and took a step back. He turned away, running a hand through his hair as his heart raced.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Mark said.

"Get out."

"Hey, this is my studio session. You get out."

Tommy glared back at him then started for the door. Mark stepped out of the way, quickly. He shrunk to the opposite side of the room, his expression still mocking. "I'm over it." He said. His voice had grown serious and there was something almost vulnerable in his town. "She and I, well, we were so last year. I'm moving on. It's all up hill from here."

Tommy glanced back at him, one hand on the now open door. "Does she know that?" he asked.

Mark nodded. "Yeah… It was her idea."

Jude woke with a start. Her body still vibrated with the energy of her concert. The faint roar of the audience echoed in her ears and beneath her the ground seemed to sway. She ran a hand through her tangled hair and reached with the other for the bedside lamp. Only then did she remember where she was. Beneath her the wheels turned, spraying water from the road against the underside of the bus, sounding like a whispering monster reaching up for her. She lay back in her bunk, wondering if it was this uneasiness that had woken her.

In her dream she'd been in a forest. Above her the tree branches made a canopy of soft green. She'd gazed up, squinting as sunlight filtered through and temporarily blinded her. Footsteps had sounded behind her and she'd turned, shading her eyes with her hand.

Jude scrunched her eyes closed; trying to conjure up the image and remember what had come next.

Eventually she fell asleep again, one hand hanging limply over the side of the bunk. Her subconscious mind drifted, wandering down tunnels and through fields, a peaceful, empty landscape. But somehow, eventually it made its way back to the forest.

She sat on the ground, twigs digging into her legs and causing her to draw them up to her chest. She rested her chin on her knees and gazed at the sea of tree trunks before her, feeling a deep drowsiness settle over her.

There was movement beside her and she turned, suddenly starting to find Jessica sitting beside her.

Jessica smiled sweetly, calmly. "How've you been honey?"

Jude had fumbled for words, finding only syllables and vowel sounds. "Okay," she finally managed.

Jessica's head had tilted to the side as she gazed at her, her eyes clouding slightly. "You seem a little lost."

"I'm where I'm supposed to be." Jude answered quickly, perplexed.

"Where you always thought you would be?"

Jude shook her head slowly.

"Where do you want to be?"

"I don't know anymore."

"You're not alone you know? You don't have to be alone."

Jude blinked, opening her mouth to answer, to ask what she'd meant. But in the split second her eyes were closed, Jessica disappeared. Jude rose up onto her knees and glanced around her wildly. The trees stretched away from her, first feet then meters and finally miles settled between her and them. She sat on a dry lake bed, suddenly aware of her desperate thirst.

She woke up once again and quickly tipped sideways out of the bunk. She padded through the bus to the kitchenette and poured herself a glass of water. She braced her hand against the bench as she once again became accustomed to the motion of the road. Somewhere in the bus her cell phone lit up, a new text message automatically displaying on its screen.

'Hey Jude. Saw footage from your last show on Youtube. It was great. Kara says to say she loved your blue dress the best. Hope you're doing okay. I've been thinking about you a lot lately.' – Tommy.

Teasers for Part 22

"Sunlight sends you on your way, And those restless thoughts that cling to yesterday, Never be afraid of change."

"Dude that was totally my fault." Spencer was mumbling nearby, "sorry about that."

"Dude," Tommy's voice was sarcastic and irritated. "Get lost."

His eyes, which had been cast downward rose back to meet hers. "So what do you want Jude? What made you leave?"

"Why do I have to be the one to say it?"