Chapter 20: To Clark, From Bruce

To Clark,

With great concern and a heavy heart, I write these words to you. If you are reading them then it means the worst has happened and I'm dead. I've never feared death. In truth, after my father died, death held too great of an appeal. I sank into a depression that frightened my mother – a depression that no doctor or medicine could cure. Then one day I received a letter and condolence card from Diana. Her words tugged at something deep inside, the lost boy I had become. She understood in a way that no one else could. I can't tell you how many times I read that letter, memorizing each and every line. She wrote, "We are both now without fathers. It hurts and I'm sorry. I wish I could take away your pain, make you smile again. But I can't. I can't wash away your tears or stop the bad dreams. I would if I could. Maybe when I learn how to stop my own, I could tell you how to do it. I have a sister and a mother but no brother. You have a mother but no sister. I will be your sister, if you will become my brother. That way we can pretend that we lost no one at all. We can be the fathers that went away - best friends and family. Will you be my best friend and family, Bruce?"

Since the age of ten, Diana has always been my best friend and family. We understood each other's pain, helped one another learn how to cope with the loss. I knew the little girl Diana before her father left and the one after. She was different yet the same. As I was different, yet the same after my father died.

I tell you this because I need for you to understand the bond that existed between us. I kept nothing from Diana, not even when I was young and dumb and doing things that shamed my father's memory. She was always there for me, the sister of my heart. But, of course, Diana became more than that. Perhaps, she had always been more. I think that was likely the case. But I loved her. I loved her when she dated and loved you. And I hated you because I had to share Diana with you. I hated you because I knew, of all the men who had tried and failed with her, that you were the only one of them who could truly keep her from me. And you made her happy, which made me hate you even more.

But as much as I despised you for being with her, I loved Diana more. So much that I cared more for her happiness than my own jealousy, than my own bleeding heart.

Then you broke her heart. And seeing that crushed my own. There was no pleasure for me in the break up. I may have wanted her, but I'd rather hold a smiling Diana on her wedding day to you than a crying Diana seeking solace in my arms because she couldn't have yours.

And because of you, I lost her for a year. But it was a year she needed – a year we both needed. And when she returned, I knew I would never let her leave me again. Yet, it seems as if I'm the one who has left her. The thought of what my death will do to her is too much to bear. She's a strong woman. You must already know that about her. How could you not? But she is also tender beyond reckoning. Her heart is too big for the cruelties of the world. She will suffer. Diana doesn't do well with loss, with finality. And, this once, I will not be there to lift her up, to offer her the shoulder she's provided for me time and again. No, she will be alone, not because she has to be, but because she won't fully let anyone in. Not her mother, not even her sister.

She'll mourn and hurt and will shut down for a while. How long I do not know. And if I know my wife, and I do, she'll never stop until she's found and dealt with whomever is responsible for my death. You know how stubborn she can be. You also know the temper that lives below her cool, polished exterior. She won't quit. And this is what I most fear, Clark.

I fear for her emotional stability. But I also fear for her physical safety. Maybe I'm being paranoid. Maybe if I'm dead that will be the end of it. He couldn't possibly know how deep Diana was involved in my investigation, or that I keep no secrets from my wife. Most men in my position do.

If it turns out that I'm wrong, I have no fear that Ollie, John and Arthur will find a way to keep Diana from harm. They know what to do and I trust them.

But, like I said, I do fear for Diana's emotional state and future. Alone with a child is not the fate I wanted for my wife. The thought burns all the way to my soul. And Diana, bless her loving and loyal heart, will not fall for another, will not take the emotional plunge a third time.

And if I was the same selfish Bruce Wayne I was the night you called wanting to speak to her, I would conveniently put the thought of Diana with another from my mind, wanting her to only love me, even in death. But that isn't love, and it isn't the fate I want for my wife.

I want Diana and our child to be happy, even if I'm not the one to make them happy. I want them to have laughter and good cheer in their lives, not the shadowed, gripping loss that Diana and I suffered as children. I want my child to know a father's love, not his cold absence. I want my child to have a mother unburdened by thoughts of revenge but instead full of thoughts of sunshine and joy.

Simply put, Clark, I want my family to be happy without me. To love and mourn me, yes, but to also let me go so they can live. But that won't happen if Diana isn't made to see that she deserves to be happy, that life doesn't only take from her but that it can also give, that sometimes love can hurt but it can also fuel the soul.

And only you, Clark Kent, can do that for her. Only you have the power to pump hope and want and life back into Diana. Only you. Because the love she once showered you with is still there. She may not still be in love with you, but once Diana gives someone her love, she doesn't revoke it so easily. She even loves that father of hers, and while he doesn't deserve it, he's grateful to have it.

And so I ask you a favor. Be the friend you once were to Diana. Be the friend she needs but will never ask for. Help guide her away from the darkness and back into the light. And if during that journey, that struggle to overcome past wrongs, if love blooms once again be not afraid this time, Clark. Trust her. She will never fail you, not if you truly trust her. Diana has never failed me. Unfortunately, I believe I have failed us both.

Pity. I never could abide books or movies with sad endings. So don't let this be one. Don't let me die in vain.

Protect my family.

Love my wife.

Love. Diana.

Bruce Wayne

TO BE CONTINUED