Disclaimer: I don't own Hogwarts, the Marauders or Dumbledore. I own nothing. Nothing! Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling. Lucky woman.

Shane Spencer

May 26th, 1978

I was exhausted. Another full moon had gone by like all of the others, and I felt like a piece of tenderized meat. Regulus had recommended a massage, but I declined. I didn't want anyone touching me at the time. Especially not him.

In a mad dash, I raced through the dungeons. I was late for potions. Slughorn was going to have my head. Again.

I saw the wooden door and stared for a few seconds. The sooner I got there, the less trouble I'd be in. Nonetheless, the door seemed miles away from where I stood. I'd have to book it despite the sand in my eyes.

So, I shot off like a rocket. My feet felt like fire in my shoes as I pushed and pushed, eventually running into the door and throwing it open. It wasn't the exact entrance I wanted, but it was enough.

Professor Slughorn was standing in front of the class, all of whom were standing. The desks had been cleared away, and several cauldrons stood at the front of the class along with the Professor.

"You're late, Ms. Spencer." He said in a stern voice, his eyes scanning my face.

I nodded. "I know, I slept in by accident." My eyes flashed to Remus for a moment, and then back to the Professor.

He cleared his throat and smiled. "Understood, Ms. Spencer. Now, please join your classmates."

"That's not fair!" I heard Potter pipe up, pushing through to the front of the crowd. "The rest of us managed to make it here on time, don't you think she deserves some punishment. Hell, even I was here on time!"

"Shut up, Potter!"

"Make me!"

"Children!" Slughorn bellowed above the two of us. "Please, Ms. Spencer's been having a rough time, and you'd be wise to respect that Mr. Potter." He took a deep breath. "Ms. Spencer, please join your classmates."

I nodded and quickly walked towards the group, joining Snape near the front of the group.

"Now," Slughorn seemed to be continuing a long and boring lecture. "We've been over the Draught of Living Death, so we'll move onto this next potion. Can anyone tell me what it is? Yes, Mr. Sullivan?"

Mike Sullivan, a Ravenclaw student stepped forward and looked into the small, bronze cauldron. "That's Amortentia, Professor." He said, stepping back. "The strongest love potion in the world."

"Correct, Mr. Sullivan, five points to Ravenclaw." Slughorn smiled and continued on. "This may be a love potion, but real love is impossible to create. Instead, it sets the drinker into a period of obsession. Mr. Black, Ms. Spencer, would you move forward and tell me what you smell in this potion?"

It just had to be Black… I thought, groaning as I stepped forward. I would've objected with any other teacher, but I knew Slughorn would just ignore me and push me even further.

"You first, Mr. Black." The Professor said, side stepping and letting Black near the cauldron. I watched as he leaned over the cauldron, his eyes closed. He took a deep breath, and his eyes flashed open. A smiled came to his face.

"I smell mildew, and fresh bread, and bubblegum." He recited the words as if by memory. He'd smelled that somewhere before, and he wasn't going to forget it anytime soon. I bet it was Morgan's perfume.

He backed away from the cauldron and looked at me. "I believe it's your turn, Spence."

I glared at him, and then quickly bent over the cauldron. The scent hit my face like a sudden wind. However, I enjoyed it. It was nice, like pine trees and peaches. I liked that smell.

"I smell…" Suddenly, I realized where the smell was from. It was his smell. It was what hit my nose whenever I was on his back. Whenever I was near him, that's what I smelled. "Gah!" I yelled.

In one swift movement, I'd pushed over the cauldron and run out the door. This is exactly what I needed. Exactly. As I ran, I felt fresh tears stream down my face. I didn't want to think about him, I wanted to ignore him, but I couldn't. I couldn't stop loving him, no matter how hard I tried.

I was a masochist. I loved him, even though it wasn't what was best for me. That was bad, right?

I sat quietly in my bedroom, doing my Transfiguration essay and doing my best to hide from Regulus. At the moment, I was undecided about him. I was also undecided about Sirius, Lily, James, Remus and all of the others. I didn't know what to do or who to trust.

I sighed and dashed the final period onto my essay. That was the last of my homework, and the last of my distractions. I'd have to face everything sooner or later, and I decided to procrastinate for as long as I could.

So, I stood up and walked over to my bookshelf. I had at least a hundred books on there, several of them from Dumbledore. A few I'd bought over the summer at Tomes and Scrolls. Krutch, as the old owner of the store had told me to call him, was always excited to see me in the shop. Sometimes, I swore he was more knowledgeable than Dumbledore.

I ran my right index finger over the spines of the books, looking over the titles as I did so. There was one book I was looking for. I didn't know why I was looking for it, but I felt that it was the right time.

Soon, I found the book. It was about halfway down the shelf. I hadn't looked through it in ages, much less cared about where it was located on my oh so exclusive bookshelf.

I pulled it open and immediately found myself staring Sirius Black in the eye. As I looked to my left, I found myself caught under his arm. My eyes moved in that direction once more, and I found Remus tucked under my arm. It was just the three of us, no James or Peter.

Suddenly, I knew who I had to talk to.

I slammed the book shut with a dim smile on my face. However, that smile was short-lived.

"Shane?" That voice was familiar, and I really didn't want to hear it right now. "Shane, you in here?"

I groaned and shoved the book back onto the shelf. "Yeah, I'm here," I said so Regulus could hear me. "Come on in, there's something I need to talk to you about."

I heard his heavy footfalls as he walked further into my room. He really did have gigantic feet. "Uh oh, I don't like that tone." He mumbled with a smirk on his face as he appeared in my room.

I smiled politely at him as he walked over to me. He bent down and tried to kiss my cheek, but I moved to the side subconsciously. His lips had barely brushed my pallid skin when he realized something was going on.

"You alright?" He asked, slowly backing away from me. He kept his hand on my forearm as he looked at my eyes. I didn't dare to look back.

"Actually…" I mumbled, carefully removing his hand from me. "Actually, I'm not. There's something I need to tell you."

His brow furrowed. "Well, what is it?"

I swallowed hard and looked down at the floor. "I…" I quickly shoved the words out of my throat, but they were so jumbled even I didn't know what I said.

He chuckled and lifted my chin, forcing me to look at him. "You can tell me anything, Shane. I won't hurt you like he did."

"You won't, but I might." I mumbled.

I could see his brow furrow out of the corner of my eye, and his hand dropped from my chin. I instantly missed the warmth he provided, and my mind began to try and turn its plan around. However, I was in charge. I didn't like Regulus as much as I thought I did.

"I can't do this anymore. I'm done."

"I can respect that."

"Really?

"Nope."

I chuckled. I could already tell that we were alright. I knew he'd understand. "So, we're cool then?"

He smiled and nodded. "Just as long as you don't go running back to my brother, I'm alright with it." He mumbled, patting my shoulder gently. "I'm always here if you need me."

I nodded. "Thanks."

He ruffled my hair and turned around, slowly leaving my room. I began to think about what he'd said as I watched. So, he wasn't going to be a part of my life much longer.

My eyes were downcast, and every step I took made my mind race. My stomach was rumbling and flipping, and I sometimes tasted a little bit of vomit in my throat. This was definitely not something I could live with for much longer. Hopefully, Dumbledore would be able to help me. I had no doubt he would, seeing as his excuse for everything was love, and he was the wisest person I knew.

I sighed, trying again to swallow the chunky feeling in my throat.

Quickly, my feet pushed me through the final corridor. I saw the giant gargoyle, and knew that this was where everything ended. This is where I made my decision. After this, I'd know what to do. Wouldn't I?

"Ms. Spencer." Tutela, the gargoyle guarding Dumbledore's tower spat at me. We'd been in a few fights as well.

"Hello, Tutela." I mumbled, my hands folding behind my back as I bit my lip. "Petrol."

He grunted and I listened as the familiar sound of stone grinding filled the corridor. Hopefully making up my mind would help him forgive me for all of the mouth I'd given him.

The stone ceased and I walked forward, setting my feet gently on the stone steps. The stairs began to spiral upwards, and the pace of my breath moved slightly faster. I licked my lips as I stepped off the stairs and onto the solid marble of the hallway with the door to Dumbledore's quarters.

I took a deep breath as I stepped in front of the large, wood and iron doors. I raised my fist and knocked quickly, waiting for the professor to open them.

Soon, they did just what I was waiting for and Dumbledore appeared in front of me. He watched me accusingly over his half-moon glasses, his sky blue eyes piercing my golden ones.

"I wasn't expecting you at this late hour, Shane."

I nodded, taking a shaky breath. "I…" I sighed, trying to pull myself together. "I need your advice on something."

He watched me carefully for several moments, and I knew that his eyes were tearing me apart as they tried to figure out my true intentions. I'd lost his trust.

Finally, he nodded and opened the door a bit further. "Come in."

I nodded and stepped inside slowly. This was an awkward encounter, which was strange because I was always comfortable around him. Even when we first met, I found it easy to trust him.

I affectionately looked around the familiar, circular office. I hadn't been in here for months because Dumbledore thought I had a slight tendency to be "destructive" lately. However, nothing had changed. Everything was exactly where I remembered. At least something in my life hadn't changed.

"How can I help you, Shane?"

I turned around to face Dumbledore. I'd almost forgotten he was there.

"Before I start, I want to say that I'm sorry." I mumbled, looking down at my feet. "I've been a… a bitch lately and I honestly wish I could take it back. Can you forgive me?"

He strode over to me quickly and set his hands on my shoulders, looking me in the eyes with a bright smile on his face. "I was never mad at you, Shane. You had good reason to act as you did." He said. "But, that doesn't mean it was wise, or the right choice."

"That's why I'm here." I blurted, looking back up at him. "I'm so lost. I don't… I don't understand anything anymore. I just need your help."

"Then I will help you, but I can't promise that I can make everything alright. You'll end up having to do that yourself." He moved his hands to my face, making me look at him. "Now, tell me what your problem is."

I nodded as he removed his hand and took a step backwards. "Have you ever… been… in love?" I felt uncomfortable, talking to him about this. He'd never told me anything about people he'd known when he was my age.

He watched me again, most likely reading my nervous jerks. "Once, a very long time ago with a girl I barely knew."

I sighed as I nodded. "How did you… y'know… know…?"

He smiled softly at me, and gestured to the chair that was in front of his desk. "It's a feeling, love is. You never know who's going to cause it until you open up to them."

I sat down and bit my lip, waiting for him to spout some more knowledge. But, it never came. That was all he said about love. In fact, I think he was waiting for me to say something. So, that's what I did.

"You know what happened, right? Between me and Sirius."

He nodded.

"And you know what happened with Regulus."

He nodded again.

I took a deep breath. "I don't know… which one is… right…" I groaned and pulled my knees up to my chest. I suddenly felt the need to hold myself together. "I mean, Regulus saved me from depression and Sirius was… is… he's…" My hand flew to my forehead and I rubbed my temple.

"You love him." Dumbledore chuckled, sitting in his desk chair. "But you feel the same when it comes to Regulus."

I shook my head in my hands. "No, I don't love Regulus the way I do Sirius." I told him, sitting up again, but not exactly straight.

"Then you should be with Sirius, shouldn't you?"

"You forget that he left me." I blurted. This was a main point in my mind. "What if he doesn't want me?"

"That's something you'll have to figure out on your own, my dear."

I stared at him, trying to figure out whether or not he was enjoying my pain. I had no doubt that's why he talked to me in metaphor all the time. He got off on my pain. That had to be it.

I stood, still holding myself as if I'd fall apart if I didn't. "Thank you, Professor." I said, smiling at him for the first time in weeks.

He stood as well. "I'm glad to have you back, Shane."

"Glad to be back, Professor."

A/N: I realize this was a really sappy chapter, and I apologize. But, several of the following chapters are going to be sap-city. Siriusly, don't say I didn't warn you. However, I hope you're all glad to have the non-bitchy Shane back. Yes, I have a feeling things are going to get a lot better from this point.

I'm really excited to write the climax of this story. I have so much planned, and I'm thinking about adding some song lyrics to the last few chapters. I found a few songs that will fill that spot perfectly from both Shane and Sirius' POV!

I HAVE A POLL UP ABOUT THE SONG THING! PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!

Anyways, I think that's about it this time. So, keep an eyes out for the next chapter, hopefully up soon!

PS

A few reviews from some of you other than CuteLikeMomiji would be nice. Or, is it PandaChanLovesPandaChan? I don't know, she changes it so much...

R&R