Chapter 20

"Robin!"

Simon awoke from another nightmare, his body doused in sweat, the sheets sodden and his limbs trembling. He sat bolt upright as he gasped Robin's name, panting as he tried to catch his breath and calm his racing pulse. As memories of the dream came back to him he quickly turned his head to one side and looked at his hand.

"Shit."

He breathed deeply and closed his eyes. He'd been so sure, just for a moment, that Robin had been right there beside him. He could still feel Robin's hand in his own. He hung his head, shaking it slowly. The nightmares were so cruel sometimes. He was shocked to find his eyes filling up with tears and he crossly wiped them away before getting out of bed and walking grimly out of the bedroom. He turned to the couch, looking for Kim, before he remembered.

"Shit," he declared. He cursed himself yet again for his awful behaviour the day before. He hated himself for it but he couldn't change the way he was. He couldn't pretend that he felt any other way about infidelity. He gave a deep sigh and shook his head. He'd have given anything for Kim to be there right then, telling him to man-up and stop being so silly, that they were only nightmares and that a good breakfast would make him feel better.

He glanced at the flashing light on the answer phone. He hadn't noticed it when he came back from karaoke the night before. With a sigh he walked across and pressed the button to play his messages. There was a moment of silence and a couple of awkward grunting noises before Gene's voice said,

"I bloody hate these things, you know. Simon, there's been some news." He heard him sigh on the machine. "You're not going to like this. Jimbo's opened his eyes. Wide awake and pissing off the nurses. We've got plod on the doors and he's chained up like a wild animal, but we thought you should know."

As the message ended, Simon sank down onto the couch and put his head in his hands. As though things could get any worse. A thought struck him and he started to feel anxious.

"Oh God, Kim," he whispered. He knew the news would hit her terribly hard and despite what had happened the day before he needed to go and make sure she was alright.

He quickly pulled on his jumper and threw his jacket over it and headed out to her old home to make sure she wasn't in a state. He knocked firmly on the door and waited for her to answer but to his surprise Eddie opened the door.

"Huh?" frowned Simon, "where's Kim?"

Eddie sighed, a little disappointedly.

"I was wondering the same thing," he said, "I guess the wish fulfilment thing doesn't work two days in a row."

"This is Kim's place," Simon frowned.

"I've been living here for the last two weeks," frowned Eddie.

"You have?" Simon frowned, "shit, where's Kim then?"

Eddie shrugged.

"Why are you wearing a leather jacket and pyjama bottoms?" he countered.

"I am?" Simon looked down and flushed. "Shit!" he shook his head and sighed. "Where the hell has Kim gone then?"

Eddie shrugged.

"I saw her leaving with DCI Drake last night," he said, "maybe that's where she went."

Simon gave a deep sigh. He supposed he'd have to make another leg to his journey.

"Thanks, mate," he sighed and turned to head back to his car. He wished more than anything that the stupid fight had never happened. Was Kim OK? Just because Gene had said Keats was unable to get out of the hospital didn't mean that Simon's fears were allayed. He knew that Keats wouldn't plan on staying put for long. He'd seen him vanish from handcuffs and disappear into thin air after taking a plunge from the roof.

The drive to Alex's seemed to take forever and a day but he finally arrived and rang the buzzer. There were a few moments before Alex's voice came from the speaker.

"Hello?"

Simon felt a little breathless from anxiety.

"Alex, is Kim there?" he asked.

"No… well, she's staying here, but… she's not here right now," Alex's voice told him.

Simon closed his eyes.

"Shit," he leaned back against the wall, "do you know where she is?" The silence that greeted him gave him his answer. "With Shaz," he sighed.

He heard Alex give a sigh too.

"I don't think this is the time to be making Kim feel any worse," she said, "she's dealing with enough."

"Yeah, I know," Simon told her, "that's why I'm here. I heard about Keats. I wanted to make sure she was OK."

"Well she's shaken up and in need of support," said Alex, "how do you think she feels?"

"I know, I came to…" Simon began before he frowned. "Actually, this would be so much easier if we weren't two doors, a staircase and an intercom apart."

Alex cleared her throat a little awkwardly.

"Good point," she said, and buzzed him in.

As Simon jogged up the stairs he realised he was still half dressed for bed and cursed himself for not going home to change before heading to Alex's. He only hoped gene wouldn't be home. He'd never live the comments down. He felt a little awkward as he entered the flat and saw Alex's cross expression. He supposed she'd heard Kim's side of the story and already judged him guilty.

"Alex," he said, breathing a little heavily from the run up the stairs, "Keats… How secure is he? I mean, he couldn't find Kim while she's out, could he?"

Alex gave a deep sigh. Her own fears about Keats were strong without Simon adding to them but she gave the standard line,

"He's being guarded and cuffed, Simon. He won't go anywhere."

"I'm worried about Kim being out on her own," Simon told her.

"She's not on her own," Alex reminded him. The expression on Simons face made her feel angry and she commented, "not that what Kim does in her own time is any of your business." She paused. "You've really hurt that girl, you know."

Simon nodded and hung his head.

"I know," he said.

"Why did you say those things to her?"

Simon shook his head slowly.

"I saw red," he said quietly, "she already knew how I felt about what she was doing with Shaz but she still invited her back to my place, without even asking me."

"It's not that simple," Alex shook her head, "it's not like she's going out with Shaz behind her girlfriend's back. It's not like she has the opportunity to break up with Sandra to avoid two timing. She hasn't seen her girlfriend for almost a year, there's been no contact, she can't call her or send her an email. And she's just found someone who makes her feel," she paused, "alive again."

"I don't feel comfortable with it," Simon said quietly.

"You can't lead Kim's life for her," Alex reminded him.

"I wasn't trying to –" Simon began but his head grew fuzzy and he started to fall backwards. He just about stopped himself and tried to balance himself against the wall.

"Simon?" Alex felt alarmed by his dizzy turn and reached out to steady his arm.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Simon closed his eyes feeling spacey and dazed.

"Come here, sit down," Alex said, leading him through to the lounge and sitting him on the sofa. He put his head in his hands for a few moments, breathing deeply until the world stopped spinning. Then, he slowly opened his eyes and looked up, embarrassed. "Better?" Alex asked quietly.

Simon breathed in and out.

"A bit," he said quietly. He looked at her a little awkwardly. "Sorry, not enough sleep last night." He hung his head. "Been having nightmares."

"That makes two of us," Alex said quietly as she sat down beside him.

"I couldn't make any sense of it," Simon shook his head. "There was a bit where Robin was trapped perpetually in the video to that bloody Mike and the Mechanics song… stuck in the giant coffee cup… then there was all this random stuff on a boat. He was tied up, and –"

"Tied up?" A cold feeling travelled through Alex's veins as Simon nodded.

"But then suddenly… It was like he was right there. Beside me." He exhaled loudly and his eyes closed involuntarily. "I thought he was right there, sleeping next to me in my bed." He could still picture him, the hair falling over one eye, one arm stretched out on the pillow above him.

"What happened?" Alex whispered.

Simon opened his eyes, a look of sadness on his face.

"I took his hand," he said quietly, "and then he just faded away. Vanished."

A horrible heaviness settled over his heart.

"I'm sorry," Alex said quietly.

Simon couldn't face thinking about Robin and his nightmares any longer.

"I think I'd better go," he said quietly, "I'll catch Kim at work."

"Are you OK to get up?" Alex asked, concerned by his earlier turn, but Simon was already up on his feet.

"I'm fine," he lied, ignoring the dizziness still hanging around his head. He gave Alex a half-hearted smile. "See you at the station," he said.

Alex looked after him a little anxiously as she watched him go.

"Look after yourself," she told him and gave a deep sigh. Looking after himself was something that Simon was definitely failing to do and it was clearly taking its toll. She only hoped that he and Kim could patch up their differences because, as far as she could see, Simon needed his friends more than ever.