Chapter 21 Apart

Inuyasha drove back slowly to the Manor after stopping to eat on the way; he felt empty inside, leaving Kagome alone and away from her family or him went against all his instincts. Ever since he had known her she had been his responsibility or her mother's, now she was on her own and his gut ached for her. He remembered his own first night away from home at university and knew that Kagome too would hardly be able to sleep knowing that all her loved ones were far away.

All the girls would feel lost that night and would be thinking of family in a loving way, even if they argued or weren't close. Such had not been the same for him nor would be for Kagome, their families were both tightly knit and she would probably cry herself into a fitful sleep every night for a while, just as he had done. Not that he had ever told anyone that, he thought ruefully; but he remembered how hard it had been leaving all his siblings and parents, especially if he thought he was missing out on family time.

It hadn't mattered either that he'd given himself a severe talking to night after night for the first couple of weeks, commanding himself to think about the lectures or events of the coming days; his mind had always wandered off on it's own accord to think about home. He would remember story time for the small ones and bath times and hair brushing and sitting playing games and singing before the little ones went to bed and then the older ones would talk quietly with their parents and enjoy a drink. Sesshpapa and Hanamama kept an old fashioned family and time together was always important.

All the little stitches of his now happy life would come in glorious colour just when he was wishing for them to fade away and let him sleep; but they would be washed in his tears to make them even more vibrant. It had not taken long of course for his homesickness to ease and it had helped to know that he was not the only sufferer; most boys as well as girls faired much the same at this stage of their lives. Now it was Kagome's turn and his heart clenched again when he knew he could not be there for her.

By the time Inuyasha pulled into the driveway at the Manor he was deflated and to his horror felt tearful and a huge lump had risen in his throat. Therefore he didn't enter the house immediately but walked around the grounds for a bit until he felt more in control. It took longer than he thought before he was able to be certain that his eyes had stopped watering and he no longer needed to use his sleeve because he'd forgotten a hankie.

However the lump was still there and took longer to swallow, but eventually that too had subsided; what Inuyasha did not know was that his eyes were no longer teary but had a deepening red glow to them. Not that this was any longer a problem; Sesshoumaru had trained Inuyasha's youkai this time round before he got into any trouble and so far on the rare occasions Inuyasha transformed it was only partially. He retained some speech and intellectual capacity and could respond intelligently to his alpha.

Sesshoumaru however was aware as always with anything concerning his pups and he had come in search of his brother. Sensing that the youkai was uppermost in his brother, he spoke to him in Inu.

"Inuyasha's bitch safe school?"

"Yes. Safe bed, others good."

"Why Youkai Inuyasha?"

"Youkai stronger than hanyou."

"Inuyasha need fight?"

"No not fight, hanyou start cry, Inuyasha not want that. Let youkai stop it." The youkai was brutally honest in his answers, more so than the evasions Inuyasha could give as a hanyou. But Sesshoumaru was not surprised that his brother was upset now that Kagome had gone, it was expected; the pup had not voiced any objection to her going away at all. He raised his eyebrow at the youkai though, because he was not being as effective as Inuyasha wished.

Sesshoumaru enjoyed speaking with Inuyasha as a youkai; the pup was far more open and he looked like a much younger version of their father. Inuyasha could never hide anything from Sesshoumaru; the Daiyoukai knew the whelp far too well, from his first life down till now and he wiped the few stray tears from the young youkai's cheeks with his fingers. Then he spoke kindly to his little brother;

"Not wrong Inuyasha weep, sad young bitch gone."

"She back soon. Youkai not cry, shame."

"No shame Inuyasha. Youkai can weep; Inuyasha knows this."

"Not for silly reason. Always silly reason with hanyou. Hanyou understand her gone, youkai not understand why." Inuyasha did not look at Sesshoumaru but somewhere in the distance, remembering; then he continued.

"Youkai wanted mate bitch long ago; stop leaving through well, stop Inuyasha sad. Youkai not understand mate leaving, hanyou understand, but youkai provide for mate. Hanyou say mate sad if not leave, need see family. Mate is hanyou's family, no one else; hanyou lonely when mate gone always. Fears mate not come back to weak hanyou. Inuyasha no one many many years alone, not like. Mate leave make him cry sometimes; youkai want out more but hanyou hold Tessaiga. Better now youkai trained, but still mate leaves weak hanyou. Still Inuyasha sad, youkai not understand always."

Sesshoumaru bent his head and put his fangs to Inuyasha's throat and the youkai let his head fall to the side to allow his brother better access. The older brother growled softly, pleased with the unforced submission from Inuyasha; he had been concerned for a while that Inuyasha's youkai might be getting lost in the old time where he resented his brother. But it was not so, Sesshoumaru raised his head and nuzzled his pup's hair and ears comfortingly. He spoke normally;

"Inuyasha, you are not youkai; at the moment you are my youkai pup but sometimes you are my human child, and most of the time you are both. I am remiss in only calling you pup, you are as much a child as a pup and your heart is almost completely human. Your mother was a kind and loving woman and she passed these traits on to you. Father gave you his power and strength but he too was passionate and loving to his family, all of us. It is only natural that you are sad that Kagome has gone for awhile, but you and your youkai do know she is coming back."

There was the barest shimmer of tears in the ruby eyes that stared at his alpha, but the youkai Inuyasha nodded.

"Part of me understands. It is always this way. Part hurts, part does not understand. Better now you help Inuyasha. Before Inuyasha want to die with me often, sometime he want to kill me, sometimes kill human me. Not now; now you help hanyou, not mind me talking, protect human."

"Inuyasha, I love you and the bad days are gone forever. I know you feel insecure because you instinctively want Kagome near to you, but she is safe; she has the ring you gave her does she not?" His words had the desired effect; Inuyasha's eyes turned amber almost instantly and filled with tears this time, over spilling onto his cheeks.

"How did you know about the ring? I didn't say because I didn't want anyone thinking it was more than just for being a friend and to let me know if she was in trouble."

"It is my duty to know of anything where the youki of my family is concerned Inuyasha. It is a strong power and by rights you should have asked me first; as it happens, Totousai informed me knowing the rules of our house. I approved it in any case so don't feel bad, just let me know in future." Sesshoumaru put his arm round Inuyasha's shoulders and started to lead him to the house. "Come child, Hanamama is waiting for you inside."

She was, her arms went round him and she held him to her before letting him go so he could grab a cup of coffee. She asked if Kagome was O.K. and Inuyasha mentioned how she had two roommates and that he'd taken them all out to dinner. Both of his parents thought that had been a good idea to get them all to become friends.

"Now you know how we felt when we let each of you go for the first time; it's hard when loved ones start to make their own way, but you can't hold on forever." Hanamama said. "Was Kagome alright when you left?"

"Feh! She was crying but I left her with her new friends. She'll get over it; she was going to ring home."

"Tears are to be expected for a few nights; I remember you when you went away."

"Just me, what about the others?"

"Everyone copes in their own way pup, the first litter always got angry and ripped things up until they settled down. Individually of course."

"Anyway how do you know how I was; it was only me there?"

"Inuyasha, do you think I don't know how my pups will be; you are a home bird and you were away, just like Kagome. Besides which, we could tell by your voice when you phoned at night to say goodnight to the small ones and when we brought you home the first time, the salty scent of your pillow gave you away."

Inuyasha 'humph'ed loudly and changed the subject. Sesshoumaru had already turned away from him so that Inuyasha wouldn't see the amused smile he had shared with Hanataba, in that annoying way parents often had when speaking with their children. It pleased them both that Inuyasha was still young enough and not yet fully out of their influence as parents, Sesshoumaru especially still enjoyed to tease him.

Finally Inuyasha said goodnight and went to bed; but not before looking in on the babies first. He loved all of his little siblings dearly and the new babies were so tiny and perfect. Perhaps one day he would have some of his own and he wondered what it would be like to hold pups that he had sired with the woman he adored. Kagome was still young and who knows what she would do when she earned her degree, would she even want to settle down with pups or would she prefer a career?

Inuyasha had not spoken to her yet about her hopes and desires after she finished university; that was one thing Sesshoumaru had stipulated to him before the young pair re-united, he was not to put Kagome under any form of pressure. Only she would be able to make her decisions concerning her soul's desire, nobody else. But it was so hard on Inuyasha, he didn't know whether he would ever have her or pups, she could still meet someone else and he would have to let her go; that had been non negotiable from the start.

"You should be in bed Inuyasha, not fretting and losing yourself to wishful thinking. Come along, you will wake the small ones."

"Will I lose her Sesshpapa; I mean after she finishes her degree? It's a big shiny world where she could do a lot of things that don't include me. S'pose we grow apart and she don't want to come back to an old fashioned lifestyle?" Inuyasha swiped his sleeve across his traitorous eyes.

"You are tired Little One, you forget you are talking about Kagome who is loyal and brave, who has faced more things than any other girl of her age and who is devoted to you. She has been raised with similar values to yourself and loves you with all her heart; even before you deserved her love, she gave it to you. If she was going to leave it would have been when your lives were running smoothly with nothing to fight against, but any fool can see you are even closer now. You must be patient Inuyasha."

Sesshoumaru took Inuyasha to bed and sat with his pup/child as he had done many times before, stoking the hair and puppy ears until the sniffles had died away and the boy was asleep. The Daiyoukai knew it was difficult to fight Inu instincts however old you were and Inuyasha was finding it hard. So far his human instincts were dominating, causing the tears which in the circumstances were better than the possessiveness of his youkai. But he must be watched, Inuyasha's youkai had surfaced already and despite Sesshoumaru's reassurances to the pup, nothing was guaranteed.

In the morning Inuyasha was ready for his new history lessons with new and old students; buoyed up by a text message on his mobile phone that wished him luck and lots of love from Kagome. He immediately replied with the same and felt better than he had done since he got home the evening before. Then for the rest of the week, there was a phone call every evening from Inuyasha to Kagome and text messages throughout the day from Kagome to Inuyasha. It had only been arranged for the first week, to help her to settle in but soon became routine, not that they could say much on the phone but it was the only real contact until two weeks later she returned home for her first weekend.

Mama had arranged to pick Kagome up for the weekend, she wanted to see for herself how Kagome was and how she had settled in; she met the other girls and their parents and was able to put her mind at rest. Kagome was excited to be home, she had so much to tell and it was a happy homecoming for her, in a way it was even more special as Kyouko had to work late and it was like old times with just the four of them. But she found she missed her new family, her stepfather was so much a part of their lives now and she was glad when he too came home.

On Saturday, Inuyasha came to take her out and she positively flew into his arms and he held her tight never wanting to let her go again. He growled against her neck and made her shudder deliciously especially when she felt his fangs graze her, but the faint scent of her blood brought Inuyasha back to his senses and he let her go. Her eyes were shining as she stared in love right at him and Inuyasha knew that she would let him mark her right there and then as his promised mate; but he wouldn't, he had promised.

They went out for the day together and alone but always in public; Kagome was full of news about the courses she was taking, the friends she had made and some of the clubs and societies she was interested in. She had taken his advice to keep herself busy, it would alleviate some of the homesickness and also keep her out of trouble, while widening out her social circle.

Inuyasha wanted to know about any parties that she might go to, there had been none yet but that would change. He took her to the beach and to the cinema and then on to dinner; never once allowing her to realise that the more she enjoyed university life, the less secure and happy he became. His youkai warred within him, not understanding her need to stand on her own two feet when he was there, wanting her and willing and able to provide.

Sesshoumaru had confidence in him though which was a boost for Inuyasha and his brother had promised that as time went by, his youkai would settle down. At the moment it was apprehensive and troubled but nonetheless obedient and Sesshoumaru was prepared to settle him as and when needed, which gave Inuyasha peace of mind. Sesshoumaru of course was right, Inuyasha's youkai did recede after realising there was pattern to his mate's returns.

It was different to the time before when she left through the well, usually more consistent and Inuyasha in general was older and calmer as a hanyou which served to subdue his youkai too. Fairly soon the pattern was set that Mama would collect Kagome from the university and Inuyasha would take her back. He would then take her and her roommates out for dinner before saying goodbye and leaving for home.

When he arrived back, Sesshoumaru would always be waiting to assess how he was coping. Although the Daiyoukai didn't make an issue out of it, Inuyasha knew that he was being checked up on. Sesshoumaru was emphatically insistent that Inuyasha have control over his youkai and woe betide him if he failed in his training because of negligence. In this area of his life, there was no let up and Sesshoumaru had been harsh with him a couple of times when Inuyasha had decided he didn't need anymore.

Tessaiga was always at hand for the hanyou, it resided above the boy's bed and everyone knew where it was if needed. Not that it had been used for control in centuries and now all that Inuyasha used it for was exercise; although just holding on to it once or twice a day, helped his youkai remain in check. Sesshoumaru alone knew how strong Inuyasha's youkai was and how dangerous it still could be, which is why he reinforced his commands on training. Their father's blood was very strong and could still devastate Inuyasha if he ever lost control.

But Inuyasha was well trained and took things seriously, including the embarrassment every time his brother would ask him to release his youkai so that Sesshoumaru could speak with him. Inuyasha knew that he was much more honest in this aspect and sometimes felt like a little boy having to account for some mischief.

Sesshoumaru was well aware of his brother's thoughts and concerns about the lack of privacy his youkai could involve and never abused his position. He had no need to, he could read the pup like a book and Inuyasha never had been able to hide his misdemeanours from him. In contrast he respected Inuyasha's youkai greatly, the boy had worked hard to get it so stable that it would recognise the authority of the alpha and was intelligent in speech. But it was still a young intelligence and inexperienced, needing the assurances of his brother's far stronger youkai, keeping it safe by not letting it run wild.

It seemed no time at all to Kagome that she was coming home for the winter break and this time both Mama and Kyouko picked her up, taking her for a meal before they arrived home. She was happy and contented, so far able to keep up with the work which she found enjoyable. As a sensible girl still finding her feet, she did not indulge in too many extra curricular activities and was diligent in making sure she understood her subject.

And over dinner, Mama told her that she wasn't going to have to wait for grandchildren to have a puppy eared child about the house.

TBC