Laundry Shots
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, nor am I writing this for profit
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Cracktastic crossover story idea.
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Ishida Uryu sighed and pushed his glasses up. It was a rare day where he could simply relax and enjoy the sunlight. He could sense nothing threatening nearby, his father had important business to attend to rather than have their awkward yearly meeting, and best of all... No Kurosaki Ichigo.
Yes, as he reclined on a bus bench and looked out over the city, things were looking to be-
"REEAAARRGGGHHHHHH!!!" A Hollow rounded the corner, trailing ooze from several blast points all over it's body. A torrent of the slime washed over Ishida as the predatory ghost ran for it's life.
UWEAH! UWEAH! UWEAH! A white van with siren wailing and lights flashing on top of it took the corner haphazardly, a familiar orange haired idiot hanging on top of it while firing a proton gun after the Hollow.
"GET BACK HERE YOU BASTARD!" Ichigo bellowed as the van roared by, in hot pursuit. Ishida sat there, very calmly, even as a tree cut down by Ichigo's errant proton blasts fell down right next to him, covering him in leaves and dust.
He then sighed and stood up.
"Of course," he mumbled, sticking his hands in his pockets. "At least it can't get any..." He shook his head. What was he thinking? He didn't dare say a single additional word of that sentence.
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"Uh, Mr. Kurosaki, I think you're going just a bit too fast!" Tatsuki shouted over the siren, gripping the armrests of her seat tightly. Driving the van, Isshin Kurosaki grinned and slammed down even harder on the accelerator.
"What's that, Arisawa?! I can't hear you! HEY ICHIGO! Are you going to get the ghost or should I slow down?"
"SHUT UP OLD MAN AND KEEP IT STEADY!" Ichigo bellowed back. He growled and once more fired another shot at the Hollow, this time nailing it in the back. "GAH!"
"If you were a better shot, we'd have the Hollow by now!" Isshin shouted back.
"SHUT UP!" Ichigo bellowed. Tatsuki groaned and shook her head, holding her hand to her forehead. She couldn't even see the ghost completely without the paragoggles-Just a hazy outline. But it's effects on the environment were real enough, and that was what counted.
"Tatsuki! Mind helping out my troublesome son?" Isshin asked. "The proton pack, Karin!"
"What? Why does she get to use it?" Karin protested, looking very unhappy about this.
"Because you're not old enough to use it without going sterile, and I want grandchildren!" Isshin declared.
"Then why do you let Ichigo use it?!" Tatsuki shouted. Isshin grinned and held a thumbs up.
"Oh, he'll be fine! He's tough!"
Unaware of this conversation going on below him, Ichigo finally managed to get a bead on the Hollow. He smirked and fired, full stream.
"GOTCHA!" He shouted, as the Hollow was blasted into a wall. "And now...!"
He switched to the capture stream, and yanked the Hollow up into the air. The van screeched to a halt, sending Ichigo tumbling off to the ground facefirst. "GAH!"
"ICHIGO! Oh my God!" Tatsuki shouted. She jumped out of the car and ran over to him. "Hang on, are you all-?"
"RARRGGGHHH!" The Hollow shouted as it dove down for them. Tatsuki gaped, reached for her thrower, I'm not going to make it I'm not going to-!
Ichigo rolled over, holding up his trap. With a confident smirk, he opened up the trap, causing the Hollow's triumphant cry to turn into a scream of shock and dismay.
"YEEEAARRGGGHHH-!"
SNAP... Beep beep beep...
Ichigo sighed and set the smoking trap down, staring up at the sky. He then glanced over at Tatsuki, who was staring at him in total shock. He blinked.
"What?"
"... YOU IDIOT!" Tatsuki bellowed, hitting him hard.
"OW! Wh-What was that for?!" Ichigo shouted.
"IDIOT! IDIOT! IDIOT! YOU COULD'VE BEEN KILLED!" She bellowed. Ichigo sighed, and took Tatsuki's hits.
"Ow... Ow... Y-Yeah... But I wasn't..."
Tatsuki sighed and held her head. "Goddamnit Ichigo..."
"It's all right," he said. He groaned and slowly sat up, looking her in the eyes. "I won't get killed too easily." He smirked. "I'd have to deal with your yelling even in death."
"Idiot," Tatsuki sighed. "Don't do that ever again, got it?"
"All right," Ichigo said, granting her a brief smile which made her cheeks go red. "I won't."
"Awwww... Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! You know you want to!"
Both Ichigo and Tatsuki turned, blushing and glaring at Isshin who held up a camera. Yuzu and Karin stood nearby, Yuzu blushing and Karin looking annoyed.
"CUT THAT OUT!" They bellowed.
On a rooftop nearby, a bewildered Kuchiki Rukia watched the whole thing with wide eyes.
"This is definitely out of the ordinary... Even for this town..."
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Conversely, why does it have to be Ichigo who's the Ghostbuster? Why not Tatsuki? Given that Tatsuki is useless for most of the series (and until recently didn't get any powers until Urahara dressed her up as a Sentai reject), what if she was fighting Hollows with her small company thanks to the franchise her parents used to own? Keigo and Mizuro are her hapless employees, and she drags Ichigo and Chad into it (Kon later taking over Ichigo's job, allowing Ichigo to be a shinigami "full time"). Chizuru replaces Chad in an effort to get closer to Orihime by proving herself an able employee (and lowering Tatsuki's guard), and eventually the company finds themselves crossing paths with Soul Society more and more, until finally...
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Aizen had expected no resistance upon entering Soul Society. All of their captains were trapped in the Living World, and his Arrancar were occupying the Vizard.
So it was with some mild surprise (that turned into amusement) when he ascertained the nature of the resistance meeting him.
"Sousuke Aizen! As a duly designated representative of the country of Japan, the prefecture of Tokyo, and the city of Karakura Town, I hereby order you to return forthwith to Hueco Mundo, or the nearest parallel dimension!" Arisawa Tatsuki stated in a loud, clear voice. Aizen instantly recogized their surroundings-The top of the White Tower. He immediately spied reishi-spewing devices nearby, which had directed the garganta he, Gin and Tousen had used to enter Soul Society.
With the foolish girl were three humans of a high spiritual awareness, and a mod soul inhabiting the body of Kurosaki Ichigo. Aizen smiled at the assembled group, noting the weapons carried on their backs and in their hands.
"I'm afraid that no authority in any world or dimension can force me to retire from my mission, Miss Arisawa," Aizen replied in a polite voice, raising his spiritual pressure. Rather than be crushed, the humans before him stayed standing. Tatsuki smirked, as Aizen abruptly found himself unable to move.
"Oh, but I insist," she stated, pulling a thrower attachment off her pack and pointing it at him. Her comrades followed.
"You see, Mr. Aizen, my company has remained the best in Japan because we stay on the cutting edge," Tatsuki said.
"That, and by being the only such company in Japan," a short, blue-haired boy muttered. Tatsuki ignored him, and fired a stream of energy out of her weapon. Aizen felt himself be lassoed by the beam, and the other members of Tatsuki's group joined her in firing at Gin and Tousen.
"To wit, we've had to carefully study and analyze every scrap of information we could get our hands on regarding Shinigami, Hollows, and do you know what we found?" Tatsuki continued conversationally. "That in the jumps between dimensions you guys do, an amount of radiation builds up. Very unique radiation, that sticks to the entity doing the traveling." She pulled a box-like device off her belt and threw in underneath the struggling traitors.
"And thanks to said radiation, we were able to direct your dimensional transit, and also paralyze all three of you by... Some complicated particle field manipulation, I dunno, I'm just the chairwoman of the company, my dad does the really, really technical stuff," Tatsuki said. "It was a real bitch building the devices needed to exploit this-Hell, we had to contract out to Urahara!"
"I can't believe what he made me do!" Chizuru sniffled. "Hit on men to sell things!"
"But in the end, I think you'll agree it was totally worth it," Tatsuki finished with a grin. Aizen focused his full will through the garganta, forcing any of his subjects to respond...
And one did.
"RARRRRGGGHHHH!" Blasting out of the garganta behind them, Yammy had been shrunk down to his pre-release form. But, as he went sailing over the roof and down off the tower, he re-released it, growing into a gigantic monster of an Arrancar.
"Okay, that's not good," Kon said, looking back over his shoulder. Tatsuki grimaced.
"Well, it just means we charge extra, right?" Keigo asked with a nervous giggle.
"Only if we survive," Mizuro said.
"Stop being so depressing!" Keigo growled.
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The tower shook violently, and one of Urahara's devices for keeping Aizen and his fellow traitors frozen fell off.
"Oh no!" Keigo cried. Aizen's spiritual energy rose dramatically, and he began to repel the particle streams. Tatsuki cursed loudly.
"Full stream, now! Try to hold them!" She shouted.
"I don't think we're going to be able to do that for long!" Mizuru shouted.
"Nnngh..." Aizen struggled, beginning to move once more.
"Ideas anyone?!" Tatsuki shouted.
"Run and panic?" Kon offered.
"Where would we run?!" Keigo shouted.
"Only problem in that plan!" Kon shouted back.
For Aizen's own part, while his body remained mostly paralyzed, his senses were still finely tuned. Reiatsu was spiking nearby, signalling the entrance of more shinigami back into Soul Society. This trap was delaying him from achieving godhood-Karakura Town was mere kilometers away.
"Yammy," he managed to boom, reiatsu enhancing his sub-vocalization. "Destroy the tower!"
The Zero Espada responded with a Cero, blasting up at the top of the tower. Kon and Tatsuki, the only ones with the required reflexes, managed to turn and fire their throwers at the Cero, adding Boson darts to their streams.
KABOOOOMMM! While this kept the tower from being totally destroyed, the resulting explosion knocked all of the Ghostbusters off their feet, slamming into the hard tower top and causing the restrainment devices to short out or fall off.
"Uh oh," Chizuru said, as Aizen, Gin and Tousen were freed. Aizen offered a small nod.
"Admirable, but futile. Gin! Tousen!" They vanished into flashstep, leaving the Ghostbusters with Yammy's roar to contend with.
"Oh great!" Chizuru groaned. "We're going to die, and so is everyone else!"
"Keep it together, Chizuru!" Tatsuki shouted.
"But-But-!"
The tower shook as Yammy began ascending the tower. Tatsuki, Keigo, Mizuru, and Kon all looked over the edge.
"Okay, new problem," Tatsuki muttered. "EVERYONE! Target him, full stream!"
"But if Aizen's already to Karakura-!" Mizuru tried.
"We won't do them any good dead! READY!" Tatsuki shouted. Chizuru reluctantly obeyed with the rest of them.
"AIM! FIRE!" Tatsuki bellowed, and five highly charged particle streams lashed out at the Espada. Boson Darts followed, having enough energy to blast Yammy's head back, and make him nearly lose his grip on the tower.
"REEARRGGGHHH! YOU BASTARDS!" He bellowed, sending a wave of pwoerful reiatsu up at them. All of the Ghostbusters were sent flying, slamming down hard near the still-open garganta.
"That went well," Mizuru mumbled.
"Oh man, oh man... We're gonna die, we're all gonna die!" Keigo cried.
"No we're not! No we're not!" Tatsuki shouted. She sat up with a groan. "Ungh... Great... Just great..."
"So now what?" Mizuru asked. Tatsuki looked at Kon.
"Kon?"
"I thought you said you didn't want any more ideas from me," Kon retorted. "ULP!" Tatsuki grabbed him by the collar and growled.
"Karakura Town is on the line, Aizen's not held by the particle thingies, and we're facing Godzilla the Espada! Do I look like I'm in the mood for jokes?!"
"... Maybe one?" Kon suggested with a weak smile.
"Well, one of the particle thingies is still working," Mizuru offered. He had his paragoggles down and was looking at it. He then shifted his gaze.
"Hey... Look!"
"What? What? I want to see!" Keigo said, pulling down his own goggles to look. "Woah... It's... A trail!"
"A what?" Tatsuki demanded. "Kon?"
The mod soul closed his eyes, using his spiritual sensors (recently provided by Urahara) to observe the effect.
"Yeah... Those particles we used to keep Aizen and all those guys trapped are flowing out... It's a trail..."
"So... In theory, we could pull them all back into the garganta by reversing the particle flow?" Keigo said. Upon seeing everyone staring at him, he looked indignant.
"What?! So what if it's a stupid plan?"
"No, it's not a stupid plan, Keigo," Mizuru said.
"Doesn't sound stupid to me," Tatsuki offered.
"It's totally stupid," Kon said. WHACK! "OW!"
"And you would say that because...?" Tatsuki asked flatly.
"Well... Because the only way to do it would be if we could pump a massive amount of energy into the garganta before it closes! And the only way to do that is to-"
"Cross the streams," Chizuru said. At everyone's look, she shrugged.
"Hey, I did see the movie... And I'm not doing it!"
"Would Orihime do it?" Tatsuki asked with a sigh.
"Th-That's not fair!" Chizuru cried.
The tower shook, and Yammy's bellow announced that the Espada was again ascending up to get them. Tatsuki shrugged.
"Well... It's either that, or everyone dies..."
Everyone thought about it for a moment. Then, surprisingly, Keigo stood up and set his proton pack to full power.
"Well... I've always wanted to be part of something... Not much bigger than saving the world, right?" He asked. He smirked and shrugged. "Besides... We're already in the afterlife."
"Makes for a short trip," Mizuru said, also getting up.
Kon stood up, and smirked.
"Are you kidding? I haven't been cool since my debut!"
"For my sweet Orihime!" Chizuru shouted, holding her neutrona wand up high. Tatsuki gave a rare smile to them all, and also stood up.
"Let's do it!"
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His goal was so close, Aizen could practically see the stairway to godhood, the means of ascent. And the only obstacle left in his path...
Was Urahara Kisuke. The former captain stood in the air in front of Karakura Town, leaning on his cane with a smile.
"Kisuke... Are you here to oppose me as well?" Aizen asked. Urahara lifted his head, still smiling. His eyes danced mischievously.
"Yes."
Aizen searched the area with his formidable senses and thought about everything he knew about Urahara. Dramatic, suicidal last stands weren't his style, so he must have some sort of trap. But Aizen could detect nothing-No strange reiatsu, nothing out of place.
"Then by all means, let's get on with it," Aizen said easily. "I have time enough to enjoy one of your inventions before my ascent."
"Ah, that is one of your problems, Sousuke," Urahara said. "You enjoy talking when everything you have planned falls into place, illustrating how you have triumphed and duped the ones you have plotted against." The scientist's grin grew by just a hair.
"But far be it for me to point out the log in another one's eye and all that. For you see, I too have a problem with theatrics." His smile became an all-out grin, as Aizen felt something wrong. Felt as though he was being pulled, every part of his being under restraint.
"What...?!" Aizen's aura glowed red, as did those of his compatriots. Urahara chuckled.
"But unlike you, Aizen, I was never very good at chess... I'm more of a D&D fan, myself... And I do believe my players have just rolled a 20." He waved as Aizen, Gin, and Tousen were yanked back, streaking for the tower.
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"THAT'S DOING IT! KEEP CROSSING THE STREAMS!" Tatsuki shouted, as all five streams roiled and coiled together like massive pythons. The glow was intense, as was the heat. Energy streamed back into the garganta, the dimensional rip fluttering.
"OH NOOOOOOOO!" Yammy bellowed, the great Arrancar being torn apart as he was pulled into the vortex. A moment later, Aizen, Gin and Tousen flew into the portal after him.
"Bye byyyyyyyyeeee!" Gin managed to yelp as he vanished into the abyss.
"Gaaaaahhhhhhh!" Tousen was far less articulate.
Aizen, surprisingly, was perfectly calm as he was yanked through the gate, sparing the Ghostbusters a rueful smile.
"Well played," he managed, before the streams reached critical mass and the garganta began to collapse.
"GET OUT OF HERE! GET OUT OF-!" Tatsuki screamed, just as the entire tower exploded... A sight the surviving captains, vice-captains, Vizard, and Ichigo and his allies all witnessed as they re-entered Soul Society over the real, sleeping Karakura Town.
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Man, I've been doing a lot of Ghostbusters related writing lately. But that's just because the game is so fricking awesome. To be continued after I write more Reflection!