Chapter 20

Not much to say about this. Just read, and prepare for cheese and fluff.

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

Narrator's P.O.V.

(A/N I put part of the A/N down here because I know some of you don't read it. :3 just a suggestion: Listen to "Breathe Me" by Sia while reading this. AND/OR "Everybody's Fool" by Evanescence. Optional: Type in Rainy Mood on Google and listen to that while listening to the song. If it ends too early, you can always play it again.)

Sam ran through the pouring rain, hearing her name being called out from behind her, but she didn't stop. Shivers went down her spine. The cold rain landed on her, soaking her with drops of depression. Tears ran down her face, mixing with the rain. Her sneakers stomped on dirty puddles in the sidewalk, splashing water in every direction. The wind was hitting her face as she was going the opposite direction it was blowing. More grey fluff clouded the skies, and the moon rose from the darkness and shone a faint light through the clouds. Everything was silence… at least, that's what she thought.

She ran and ran, hoping to lose the brunette boy following her. Turning a corner and waiting in the dark alley, she saw the boy pass her. She continued running through the alley she took as a shortcut to her house sometimes, ignoring the barks of stray dogs signaling that they didn't want her to be here. One launched at her and scratched her arm. Blood trickled down her snow white skin, as well as the raindrops that mixed with the red liquid. She didn't even cry out in pain. And she didn't care. All she cared about right now was being done with this world. Once and for all.

Freddie kept running as well, but came to a stop too soon. He was lost. He didn't know where to go from here. He lost her, and he was afraid of what she was about to do. He looked around for clues, anything, but found none. He sighed and roughly ran his hand through his hair and let out a grunt of disappointment. He turned back, running to the school so from there, he'll know the way to her house.

Her t-shirt and shorts were stuck to her because of the rain. She could barely see anything, since at this part it was nighttime and she knew how many gangs were here at this time of day. But then again, she didn't care. Feeling the walls, she found a gap she was quite familiar with, and continued down that path slowly. Her hands were still connected to either sides of the walls, and soon she felt something gooey. She drew back her hand quickly, but another hand snatched her wrist.

Moments later, she could hear chuckling next to her ear, and she was pressed up against the wall. "Hey boys, looks like we got a hot one tonight." She heard. She felt her shirt being slowly pulled up, but she was too in shock to do anything. But, as soon as her shirt reached her arms, tickling the scratch the dog gave her earlier, she regained her strength to push the mysterious man off of her.

"Get the fuck away from me, you bastard." She demanded through gritted teeth, punching the man with her left fist. Through the darkness, she could see the outline of the man's body, and right now he was clutching his nose. She shook her fist to get rid of any blood that stained her skin.

"You little bitch. Boys!" The man said in his throaty voice, and a few other men appeared after. This, of course, didn't intimidate Sam. She's taken on 7 people that were much bigger and frightening than these lunatics. She did her usual punch and kick, throwing a left hook, kneeing them in the stomach, and that was enough to bring all of them down. She gave a final kick to the man that tried touching her, and continued running away.

It was just another obstacle to make her life miserable.

She kept moving, trying to be as far away from those men as possible. Her house was very isolated from the rest of the others, so she felt a feeling of safeness from everything sometimes. Her sneakers landed on the mat of her door, and she reached behind her to get her backpack, before noticing she left it at school. Frustrated, she pounded on the wooden door, thinking someone would open it, but nobody did.

Feeling stupid, she grabbed a bobby pin from her hair that was covered in little droplets of rain. She separated the two clips, bending it the opposite direction so it'd form a right angle. She bit off the little spheres at the end and stuck it through the keyhole, wriggling it around to unlock the door. With one turn of the bobby pin, the door unlocked with a click, and she ran inside.

She ran to the bathroom, tripping on a few things before finally making it. She closed her bathroom door, hastily opening the cupboard that was hidden behind a mirror. The blonde dug through the millions of toiletries there, her hand making contact with something sharp. Sam grabbed it, the silver metal glistening from the faint moonlight.

She cried more tears, as she dug the sharp end through her skin. Blood seeped through the cut, and ran down wrist, staining the porcelain skin, and landed with the smallest sound of a drop. Pain was still flowing throughout that certain spot on her arm. A tear settled on her cut, making her cry out in pain. She set the razor down next to the sink, breathing in deeply and thinking of what she had just done.

She cut herself.

Again.

And she promised herself and Freddie that she'd never do that.

She sighed in frustration, tears running down her soft white cheeks. She reached for the razor, positioning it on her skin, before she caught herself and dropped it. Stop fucking doing that, Sam. Stop it! She screamed, and snapped her head up to look at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were puffy and tired from crying, and her skin was glowing from the darkness of the night. Her hair was disheveled and hung heavily over her shoulders. Drops of red appeared on her skin, and soon made a path to drop on the floor.

She suddenly regretted looking at herself, what she's become. It ashamed her. Her bottom lip trembled before crying out and hitting the mirror with her fist. The glass shattered, and her hand collected with blood. Mortified, she screamed, hastily kneeled down next to the toilet paper and rolled some onto her hand. She was crying and hiccupping, putting pressure on her wound. The toilet paper was now soaked with her blood. She was trying to breathe evenly, and more pain shot all throughout her hand. Broken glass was deep in her skin, and she hadn't bothered to pull it out.

She sharply stood up, dumping the soaked toilet paper on the ground, and left the bathroom. The words she said earlier echoed through her mind: I'm done.

Clear drops of liquid streamed down her face as she fully realized what she was about to do. She stepped out into the rain, running to the right until she caught sight of one of the tallest buildings in Seattle: Her abandoned building.

As she saw her destination, she sprinted over to her self-made elevator and hopped in. The rain collected inside the small box, but she didn't care. She pulled on the ropes mindlessly, stopping to look at the city lights below her. Last time I'll ever see them. She thought. She continued elevating herself up on the roof, and stepped off the elevator. She slowly walked to the edge, more tears streaming down her face. Her toes now touched the edge of the building, and she slowly looked down to the city below her.

Freddie started up his car, grunting when it wouldn't. He hit the wheel, and for some reason, it started up. He smirked and slammed on his gas, speeding through traffic lights and stop signs. Thankfully, there were no cops or cameras, and the drivers were too slow to see who it was. He turned on a corner, looking around to see if Sam was anywhere. The rain colliding with his window may have confused his sight of outside, but he didn't miss the silhouette of a person standing at the end of his and Sam's abandoned building. Freddie slammed on his brakes, parking at the side and sprinted out of his car to go up to the roof of the building. Sam, don't. Please don't…

Sam sighed sadly, staring straight in front of her, her tears beginning to slow. Her hair was blowing in one direction, as her soaked shirt now had spots of blood from her hands and arms. She shivered. A part of her didn't want to do this, but a part of her told her she needed to do this. Just to get it over with.

~Flashback~

"Just to get it over with?" Sam asked.

"Just to get it over with." Freddie concluded.

"And you swear we go right back to hating each other as soon as it's over?" She asked, to make sure.

"Totally, and we never tell anyone." He said with a gleam in his eye.

"Never." She agreed. After a few seconds of no one making a move, she spoke up. "Well, lean…"

And their lips touched.

~End Flashback~

Freddie. Sam thought. She looked below into the city once again: the busy traffic, the red lights of the traffic lights. Cars were honking below her. Freddie, what about him…? She frowned. It's not like he likes me anyway. She sighed, tears filling her eyes again. She blinked, causing the tear to fall and leave a warm streak on her face, aside from the cold ones the rain left. He deserves someone better… and not… She breathed out a shaky breath. Suicidal. She finished, closing her blue eyes and stepping onto nothing in front of her, as she waited for the wind to slap her face as she fell, and feel the collision of her body with the ground.

But instead, she felt two arms wrap around her. Two, strong arms wrap around her, dragging her away from the edge. "Don't, Sammy… please, no…" Freddie whispered in her ear ever so softly. She collapsed in his arms, suddenly feeling weak and vulnerable. He ran his hand up and down her back comfortingly; Sam shivered at his touch. "Don't do this…"

"I have to, Freddie, I have to, I want to die!" She cried out, turning around and burying her head in his chest. Freddie held her close to him as the raindrops fell lightly on them. He ran his hand up and down her back, trying to calm her down.

"No, Sam, no." He argued, burying his face in her vanilla scented hair, tugging her closer to him.

"Why… bother living when no one even cares about you?" She choked out, her tears getting the best of her. Her eyes started to sting a little bit more as Freddie sat her down and pulled her to his lap. He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her in closer.

"A lot of people care about you, Sam." He reasoned, speaking next to her ear as the pouring rain was now just drizzling onto them.

"Like who, Freddie! Like who?" She cried, crossing her arms across her chest. "Carly was probably right. My dad probably left for the military to die because he never wanted me. My mom married another guy, who tried to rape me, and I threatened to kill him when he touched me again. He left and my mom hated me for a while. Then she left! She probably hated me! Carly left, I was practically alone! Fuck, I was alone! I had to feed for myself, I had to be strong! Melanie left when she was a little girl for boarding school. I just…" She buried her head in his chest, throwing her arms around his neck.

"Sam, listen to me." He lifted her chin up with his index finger. "Your dad left for the military to help people. To keep people safe. To keep you safe! He didn't die by choice, Sam. He died with honor, because he was trying to protect you and everybody else. Your mom didn't hate you, sure she was disappointed that her husband left because you threatened to kill him, but it's not your fault! He tried raping you. You had the right! And of course you would've explained it to her, then she stopped being disappointed, am I right?" She nodded. "And she left for Vegas to earn money for both you and her. But something unfortunate happened. You can't change that, nor the fact that they care about you."

"Okay, so what if they care about me? They're gone! I'm alone, to feed myself, no one to take care of me now—"

"Shut up, Sam." Freddie commanded, staring into her ocean blue eyes. "Don't you fucking dare think for one second no one cares about you now that they're gone. I care about you. Why the hell did you think that no one cares about you now? I'm here. Did I ever leave your side when you needed someone?" Sam remained silent closing her eyes and bowing her head down, knowing that he was right. "I love you, okay? I love you, the reason why I was here for you all the time; to comfort you, to protect you." And at this, Sam looked up to meet his eyes.

"If you wanted to protect me, then why didn't you break up with Carly, if you knew how much she hurt me?" She asked quietly, her voice now a faint whisper. The rain has stopped by now, and replaced with cool gusts of wind now and then.

"That's how I could protect you. By not breaking up with her. Because if I did, things would be worse than they are now. But she's gone too far. She's gone too far now. I don't know what happened. I'm ending it with her. I know the consequences now, and how to fix it." Freddie said, hugging her closer to him and kissing her forehead. "I'm sorry. I just need you to know, don't ever do that again. Please. I can't afford losing someone I love." He confessed.

Sam sobbed again, clutching onto Freddie's shirt, not wanting to ever let go. "I'm sorry. I just, I couldn't live like that anymore. With so many people torturing me and only one person fixing me, knowing only one person cares about me, out of like, 5 billion people."

"Better than nothing." He said, pulling her away from him just a bit so he could look back into her eyes. He held her hands and intertwined their fingers. "I love you Sam. I know you probably don't believe me because I was with Carly for a certain amount of time, while she was hurting you, but now you know that the only reason I stayed with her was because it was a way to protect you. I never stopped loving you, honestly, I don't know why I ever got back together with Carly.

"I love you and I care about you. That's why I've fixed you up, and that's why I'm here. Can't you just see that? It hurt me to know you were hurting, so of course I came to you and helped you through your struggles, but that will only work if you let me. Please don't ever do this again." He begged.

"I'll try not to." She said truthfully, once again crying into the shirt of Freddie. "Don't ever leave me, please. I know sometimes I lose control, I can't help it. It was more than just hurt, Freddie. It was more of desperation and hurt. Desperate to find another guy like you, one that can take care of all the shit I give them, and still love me. And it hurt me to know that you were together with Carly again, and what made it worse was because she bullied me.

"And I tried to find another guy like you to show both of you that I'm better off without you guys. But I was wrong. I loved you too much to just forget about you; it just hurt me more." She cried, turning around and leaning into Freddie's embrace. She looked out into the city, to the horizon. Silence blanketed around them, and all too soon, she felt a hand twirl her around and face Freddie before feeling a pair of lips upon her own.

Instinctively, she intertwined her fingers behind the back of his neck, and his stayed on her waist. She poured out all of her emotions in the kiss, loving the way he was making her feel, missing the feel of his soft lips on her own. Freddie pulled her in closer, deepening the kiss, and nibbled on her bottom lips, asking for permission to enter her mouth. She smiled against his lips, opening her mouth so his tongue could explore her mouth, tasting her breath. She played along, their tongues meeting each other in a sloppy kiss, and they pulled away for air, before attaching their lips back together.

Freddie pulled away to kiss along her jaw line before trailing down to her neck, sucking and biting at it before kissing back up to her mouth and devouring it. Both he and she pulled away after what seemed like hours.

"Well… that was um…" Freddie started, touching his forehead with hers.

"Nice?" She finished, smirking.

He returned the expression, "Yeah… nice." He nodded. They both chuckled as they remembered their conversation after their first kiss. "Don't do that again, okay, Sammy? Remember, I'm always here to help you." He smiled, a genuine smile. She smiled back, not saying a word, and laid her head down on his chest. He wiped away the remaining tears on her moonlit face.

Freddie laid his hand down on the cut Sam made on her wrist, grazing it lightly. Her breathing began to get choppy, and she instantly pulled away from the pain. He sighed, grabbing her arm again to look at the raised wound. He trailed his hand down to her hand, running his fingers on the deep cut that was there. He looked at Sam as if asking for permission for something and then very carefully picked out the broken pieces of glass.

Sam's eyes once again filled with tears as she felt the glass leaving her hand. It was painful, but it had to be done. Freddie gave her a peck to the lips to tell her that it's okay, and continued taking out the glass and throwing it far away from where they were. When all the pieces were out, her hand started bleeding again, and coincidentally, Freddie had a handkerchief in his pocket. He laid it out on her hand and arm, covering both the wounds on her wrist and hand. He kissed her lightly, before letting her lay her head back down on his chest.

Breezes blew here and there, making the couple shiver and hold onto each other tighter. The cars below them were honking and speeding, and flashing their signal lights, creating a display of red and white lights everywhere. Bulletin boards were now decipherable, because of the lights placed in front of them. The sky was darkening up more, stars were appearing, and the moon glowed brighter than ever before, as if everything was okay, better.

And it was.

Frankly, I had a little trouble with writing this chapter. Everyone had so many expectations! And I tried my best not to bring their expectation down, lol.

Review? Yes?

~miscellaneousmystery~