Captain Nut Nut: Definitely! Lots more drama to come. It's quite enjoyable writing a much different and darker side to Lily.

milali: Thank you so much and I'm glad that you find that realistic. Enjoy the update.

Chapter Twenty-One

Saturday came round fast, and Iain kindly offered to drive Lily to her session.

She was dreading it to be honest so she wasn't in the best of moods. She slept through her alarm so Iain had to wake her, in order to make sure that they left on time, and that resulted in him being hit in the face with a cushion.

"Lily. Come on," Iain pleaded with her. "I know you don't want to go, but you have to. Go and get yourself in the shower, yeah? I'll make breakfast."

"I don't need a shower," Lily whispered, swinging her legs round so that she was sitting on the edge of the bed. "I'll just throw some clothes on."

"At least try and make yourself look presentable, Lils," Iain sighed sadly. "You didn't shower yesterday either. I just care, okay? You want to make a good impression though, don't you?"

Lily just shrugged her shoulders and began to struggle with her pyjama top. She didn't make any eye contact with Iain whatsoever. He decided to leave her and make a start on breakfast, so he gave her shoulder a rub and left the bedroom.

Reluctantly, Lily began to change out of her pyjamas. She chose a pair of tracksuit bottoms that she'd found herself living in recently, and an old red jumper that hung off of the shoulder.

She then grabbed her handbag and a few mini bottles of alcohol to shove inside, before heading towards the kitchen.

"Right. I'm ready," she sighed.

"Eat first," Iain said, placing a bacon sandwich down onto the table for her.

"I'm not even hungry," she whined, but took a seat anyway.

"You need something," Iain said.

He left Lily to eat so that he could go in search of his car keys and his phone. He was due to work that day, so as soon as he'd dropped Lily off and settled her in, he was going to drive straight to the ED. He wished that he could stay and wait for Lily though. He grabbed a hairbrush from Lily's room whilst he was getting his things together and took it back into the kitchen for her.

"Hair," he said, placing it in front of her.

"It looks fine," Lily groaned.

She started to break the bacon sandwich apart with her fingers, but she didn't seem to be eating any of it.

"You haven't brushed it, Lily," he told her, but she made no movement to pick up the hairbrush. "Give it here," he sighed.

He snatched the brush from the table and began to run it through her tangled knots. He could feel the grease and he wasn't actually sure when Lily had last washed it. She'd had no motivation to do anything recently, and it scared him.

"Do I disgust you now?" Lily muttered under her breath.

"Nope," Iain sighed. "I still love you and you know that. You're just feeling sorry for yourself. I'm worried though, Lily. You're still drinking and it's making you forget important stuff, including personal hygiene. That's why you're attending these sessions."

Lily shrugged her shoulders and pushed her plate away.

"I'm finished," she whispered.

"Alright." Iain rolled his eyes at the fact that she hadn't actually eaten a single thing. "Let's go then."

Lily leaned against the brick wall of the community centre, her arms folded across her chest. The session had finished just over fifteen minutes ago and the majority of people had gone home. Lily just felt numb though, like worse than she'd felt before.

She hadn't said a lot in the session, apart from giving her name and the reason that she was there. The woman in charge, Bethany her name was, had said that she didn't need to share anything if she didn't want to, so she didn't.

She hated it, every last minute of it. If it hadn't been for the fact that Iain had stayed until the session started, she would have been out of there in seconds.

"Lily. Are you still here?" Bethany strolled out at that moment, her bag and coat in hand. "Are you getting picked up, or do you want me to give you a lift?"

"I'm walking," Lily said.

"Alright." She nodded. "Well, thank you very much for coming along today. Do you feel any better at all?"

Lily wasn't afraid to shake her head in response.

"Well, um..." Bethany was clearly stuck for words. "It does take a few sessions. I guess I'll see you next week. Take care of yourself."

Lily sighed deeply to herself and watched as Bethany headed down the steps towards her car. As soon as she was out of sight, she pulled a bottle of vodka from her handbag, sat down on the very top step, and began to drink heavily. She didn't even care. She felt horrible and she needed something to take that feeling away. Didn't Connie and Iain tell her that she'd feel better afterwards? They'd both lied to her.

Starting on her third bottle of alcohol, she chucked the empty ones in the nearby bin and headed in the direction of the ED. She wasn't sure of the reason that she was going there, or what she was going to do when she did arrive, but she didn't like the idea of going home alone.

Outside of the ED was completely deserted, like something out of a horror film. She downed the rest of the bottle and chucked it into the bin, before sitting herself down on the bench with a heavy sigh.

Cal's memorial sat to one side of her. Teddy bears and flowers surrounded one of the most recent photos of him. The eyes of the photo stared at her, as if she was the one to blame for his passing. A small tear trickled down one side of her face and she slowly lay down on the bench, placing her handbag under her head. It was cold out, but that didn't bother her in the slightest.

She might have fallen asleep. She wasn't sure. When she opened her eyes though, she noticed that Connie was crouched in front of her. Charlie and Elle stood nearby, but Lily struggled to read their facial expressions.

"Shall we go inside?" Connie asked gently and took her hand in hers, but Lily just pulled away from her and shook her head.

She didn't want to be comforted. She didn't like it. She didn't need anyones pity of tears.

"You can sit in my office," Connie allowed, placing a finger under her chin.

Still, Lily refused and covered her face with her hands. The sun was so bright.

"Right," Connie sighed. "How did your appointment go?"

"Appointment?" Charlie asked, narrowing his eyebrows at the clearly drunk registrar.

"She um...Had an appointment at the community centre today," Connie informed him. "To try and talk through this...Problem I should say." She turned her attention back to Lily and repeated her earlier question. "How did it go?"

Lily buried her face in her bag and waved a hand at Connie, silently telling her to go away.

"Can we stop the childish act?" Connie asked, grabbing hold of Lily's hand. "You've been drinking, again, after a session that was supposed to help you as well."

"It didn't help!" Lily grumbled. "It just made me feel worse."

"Well, it'll probably take a few sessions to get used to it," Connie said, and shrugged her shoulders. "But you need to at least try, Lily."

Lily sat upright and her head fell weakly to one side. All of the colour suddenly drained from Lily's face and she lurched forwards and threw up straight over Connie. Connie turned her head and let go of Lily's hand, before standing up and looking down at her vomit ridden blouse.

"You would have thought that you'd learnt by now," Charlie sighed, knowing that Lily had thrown up over the clinical lead before.

"Right. Come on, Lily," Elle put in, deciding to step up to the plate. "I have three boys so I have dealt with this before. Let's get you cleaned up and then I think you ought to head home and get some rest. I'll get someone to give you a lift."

"I need you to go home and take a shower!" Connie practically lost her calm. "Now!"

Lily coughed and just wiped at her mouth with the back of her hand.

"For goodness sake," Connie whispered. "Just take her home, Elle. Make sure she showers. And make sure that Iain doesn't see her like this," Lily then heard Connie say in a small whisper. "It'll only upset him."

It wasn't fair. She wanted Iain.

Lily stumbled into her kitchen and dropped the pile of letters onto the table.

She hated everyone, especially Elle who'd practically forced her into the car and and refused to go anywhere until Lily had reached her flat. Everyone treated her like such a child; making her attend sessions that she didn't want to attend and talking to her as if they cared when they really didn't.

She grabbed a bottle of alcohol from the cupboard and threw herself down onto one of the chairs. She slammed the bottle down beside her and began to tear open one of the letters. She wasn't expecting it to be bad news though.

Her rent hadn't been paid for that month.

Honestly, she hadn't even thought about it. Usually, she'd log onto her online banking at least once a day to check if all her bills had been paid, but she couldn't even remember the last time that she'd done that.

She allowed the letter to float to the floor like a feather, and opened up the bottle. Tears stung her eyes and she tried to remember how on earth she'd let herself sink so low. She didn't want to become an alcoholic, but drinking was the only thing that took away the pain and the heartbreaking memories of Cal's death, and she found it too difficult to accept the help that she was being given.

She scoffed and pursed her lips angrily, pushing the chair back and standing up from the table. Fine. Connie wanted her to take a shower, didn't she? That was what she was going to do.

She slammed the bottle back down onto the table and stormed into the bathroom. She turned on the hot water and stepped into the shower fully clothed. She allowed the water to run down her jumper and jeans, completely soaking every bit of her skin and clothing.

Without even bothering to shampoo, she went to leave the shower.

However, she suddenly felt quite dizzy and as if she was about to throw up again. The bathroom was spinning. Her red jumper had practically been ruined from the water, but that was the least of her worries.

She tried to remember the thing that had made her so angry and upset in the first place.

Cal?

Therapy?

She'd received a letter. What had the letter said though? Why couldn't she remember?

She felt so sick.

She took a wobbly step forwards.

She slipped.

And she fell straight through the glass of the shower door.

This chapter got dark really quick, lol. So it was a bit long and fast-paced but just a few of Lily's inner thoughts which I felt were important to add. I've got the next couple of chapters all planned out. Let's just say things slowly get worse for Lily x