A/N: O HAI BBZ. Two posts, one night? Sounds like a porn. But 'tis not. If you cannot tell, I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew. But without the Mountain Dew. I'm just jacked up on life. :P Anyway I'll quit mah ramblins.

Note2: I'm listening to "There You Go" by P!nk right now because my iTunes is on shuffle, popping up randomness. Oo, and now it just changed to "I'll Run" by The Cab. It's pretty radtastic.

Chapter Twenty-One
"In Which More Things are Broken"

Shay was quiet for a long time after I told him Ty's side of the night's events. I stayed silent, watching him pick at a loose string on his blanket. It wasn't my time to talk anymore, even though I wanted to burst.

Give me patience.

Flash.

Give me regret.

Flash.

"So…" he finally said, looking up at Lizzy and I. His eyes were still faintly unfocused. "What happens now?"

"Well…I don't think things can get worse," Lizzy said, smiling shakily. "So I guess you get better and just…wait and see?"

"Yeah, I guess." Shay attempted a smile, but it didn't quite work.

"But you're alive," I put in. "And mostly in one piece, right?" I wanted to reach out and mess up his hair affectionately, just to make him give a real smile. But I would hit the bandages and I'm pretty sure that messing with that would make me the Worst Friend Ever.

"You're right," he sighed. "I'll be fine. Really."

Give me hurt.

Flash.

"Girls, visiting hours are up."

I yawned, not even bothering to hide it, and looked up at the nurse through bleary eyes. It took me a moment to know where I was, but slowly, everything came back to me. I was kneeling to the side of Shay's bed, my arms propped onto the mattress. "What?" I asked the nurse, confused.

"I'm sorry," she said, sounding sincere. "But you've got to go home now. I already let you stay longer than I should have."

I rocked back to sit straight up on my knees. Alertness was seeping back into me as my mind woke up. "But we can't leave Shay. He needs us."

"What your friend needs is rest," the nurse said softly. "He's had a rough day—and so have you, I think. Let him sleep, and then come back in the morning."

"No," I pleaded, "don't make me leave."

"Jude," Lizzy said groggily, grabbing me by the elbow. "Let's just go. He's still sleeping."

I stared at her blankly. "He needs us. He needs us here."

"We never told the guys how he's doing," Lizzy said, ignoring the stubborn tone in my voice. She pushed herself to her feet and tugged me up with her. Her eyes focused on mine, and with more force than I'd ever heard her use, said, "Jude. We're leaving, okay? We'll come back in a few hours."

"Why don't you want to stay?" Anger was boiling in the back of my eyes. "How can you leave him here alone?"

In a very non-Lizzy way, she snapped, "You look like hell, Jude. You need actual sleep, and food that isn't from a vending machine. Shayla will be fine, okay? It'll only be a freaking couple of hours."

"Go, Jude-girl," Shay's sleepy voice came from behind me.

I rubbed my forehead with the base of my palm, trying to calm down. I didn't want to leave him here, all by himself, in the hospital. It just didn't seem right. "Shay, you sure?" I asked reluctantly.

He gave me a smile—a real smile. My heart swelled. "Yeah, go sleep. I'm…" He yawned openly, which mostly finished his point. "…Gonna go back to sleep anyway."

Air rushed out of my lungs in a heavy sigh. "Okay," I agreed, the corner of my mouth quirking downward. "But, I'll be back tomorrow, all right?"

Shay nodded, rolling his eyes and smiling slightly. He waved me off with his free hand. "Night, Jude."

"Night, Shayla."

When we walked out into the waiting room on our way out of the hospital, it was almost empty. Tommy and Kwest were nowhere to be found. No wonder—by the look of the clock, it was nearly midnight.

There was only one person in the room: Ty, curled up tightly in one of the stiff chairs. His eyes were closed, and barely audible snoring sounds mixed with the hum of the vending machine.

I locked eyes with Lizzy. I chewed on the inside of my lip as I mentally gave up my position as the decision-making leader to her. Frankly, I'm tired of it. I don't know what to do.

Give me hazy.

Flash.

Lizzy smoothed her red-orange hair down subconsciously and then walked over to the sleeping boy.

Boy. I called him that, but he was almost three years older than me. I guess I just can't think of him as older when I see him like this—soft features showing a horrible sense of confusion and pain, even when he was asleep.

"'S he okay?" Ty mumbled, snapping out of his slumber almost immediately after Lizzy shook him lightly.

"Yeah, he's gonna be fine," Lizzy answered. Her voice was hoarse, probably from crying so much earlier. I fought back guilt when I realized that her raising her voice at me had probably added to that. "Couple broken bones and bruises, but Shay's tough." She nodded along with the last bit.

"Yeah…I know." The ghost of a smile flashed across his face. It vanished quicker than it had come. He looked to me, not letting me sit back and watch for once. "Are…" He hesitated. The clock on the wall ticked off four seconds before he continued. "Are me and him going to be okay?"

With my usual amount of tact and sympathy, I gave him my answer: "I…wouldn't count on it."

His face fell. His shoulders sagged. I felt like I'd just seen him get shot. And I realized that Lizzy was probably right about me needing sleep, because I'm pretty sure that only my sleep-deprived mind could have been that horrible and blunt about something like that.

"I mean, not for a while," I added, even though both of us knew that I didn't believe this. I doubted that Shay would ever completely trust Ty again. There's only so many lines you can cross, right? "Maybe you should…give him some time?"

Ty nodded miserably. He makes it really, really hard to stay mad at him. It's kind of infuriating in its own right. "I will. Just, just tell him I hope he feels better, please…"

"Next time we go up there, I will," I said. I hoped that this lie sounded more sincere. I couldn't throw salt in Shay's wounds.

If Ty didn't believe me, he didn't let on. "I'm…I'm gonna go home," he said in almost a whisper. "I'll, uh…I'll see you guys around." He stood up and then something seemed to dawn on him. "Do you have a ride?"

Lizzy shook her head. "I came with Kwest, and then Jude's car…" She trailed off, and I was glad that she hadn't had to see exactly what had happened to my car. I doubt she could've handled that.

Ty nodded, swallowing hard. He was remembering what I was, I'm sure. "I'll drop you off."

It was hard to get to sleep once we got home. I was so used to Shay being there that the room felt completely empty. It was too still. I had slept better when I was sitting on the hospital floor.

Give me alone.

Flash.

Ty had looked so tired and confused by the time that he pulled the car into the driveway that I couldn't not make him stay. There had been enough hurt and disaster today to last a lifetime. We didn't need more.

Anyway, my point is that when I got up, finally giving up on getting back to sleep, I was not at all surprised to see Ty sitting at the kitchen table. He had his chin and mouth covered by his hand, with his elbow propped up on the table. He was staring blankly at the tan faux-wood tabletop.

"I keep seeing him…in the car," Ty said hollowly. "Every time I close my eyes."

I opened the cabinet and wrapped my hands around the cool handles of two mugs. I was pretty sure that we still had some of that microwave hot chocolate somewhere. Maybe some real marshmallows, too. Ty looked like he could use it. I know I could. "I know what you mean," I said, not looking up. Of course I did. My heart had almost given out when we'd passed by the site of the wreck on the way home. I couldn't get the sight of all the cop cars out of my mind.

I turned and opened another cabinet, looking behind Pop Tart boxes. I was making too much noise, because I was seriously hoping that Ty would get the hint and not talk about it. It was selfish of me—he probably desperately needed to have someone, anyone, to talk to—but I couldn't handle it just yet. So maybe if I was loud, he wouldn't try to keep on about it.

No luck. Such is my life.

"I was so scared…I thought that he was…I don't know what I would've done…"

Aha! Swiss Miss, I love you so! I grabbed the box and set it on the countertop. I pulled the packets of dried powder from the box, ripped them open, and poured them into the mugs. Water from the sink followed.

Ty's fingers were drumming on the table now. "Do you not want to talk to me?" He sounded vaguely hurt, but not surprised.

"I don't want to talk about this," I clarified, slamming the microwave shut and punching in the correct time.

"How can we not?" The tapping was silenced, leaving only the sound of the microwave. "It happened—we can't just…we can't just ignore it!"

I whirled around, glaring at him. "Ty? I can, I will, and I am ignoring it. Excuse me for not wanting to relive today over and over again!"

Give me hostile.

Flash.

He opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off by a loud, unexpected ringing—the doorbell.

Honestly, who the mess was ringing the doorbell at—at six in the morning! Whoever it was, they were about to get a big dose of Hacked Off Jude. I stalked across the kitchen tile, into the carpeted area by the door. I yanked the door open, seething visibly.

My neck immediately snapped up, seeing as the intruder was like, six foot something. Holy crow. "Um," I said, anger ebbing. He was wearing a police uniform and holding a large cardboard box.

"Morning, miss," he said, since it was perfectly normal for him to be at my house at still-dark-thirty in the morning. "Is this the residence of…" He checked the piece of paper on top of the box. "Jude Harrison?"

"Um," I repeated. "Um, yes? That's me." What could be in that box?

"This is for you, then," the officer said, holding out the box.

"Since when are cops delivery boys?" I asked blankly. It didn't occur to me until I said it that I probably should have phrased that better.

"Since packages have the remains of a car wreck in them," the officer responded, taking my comment in stride.

"Oh."

Ty was standing behind me now, peering over my shoulder. I took the box from the officer's hands. It was a lot heavier than I had expected. Ty, seeing my strain, grabbed it from me and hauled it over to the table.

"Do I need to sign anything?" I had one hand on the doorknob, ready to close it.

The officer shook his head. "Nope. I just thought I'd drop that off on the way home."

"Thanks."

He gave a nod, said goodbye, and turned around to walk back to his car. I shut the door and shuffled over to the kitchen table. Ty stared at me expectantly, and I nodded. He pulled back the flaps of the box, and both of us looked in.

Inside were the contents of my (late, sigh) car. Ty lifted Shay's backpack out and set it on the floor. A few textbooks—a little knocked around, but otherwise whole—followed, which opened up the view of Shay's shattered cell phone and—

No. No, no, no.

I might've stopped breathing for more than a few moments. My jaw hung open, and my eyes prickled. "No," I tried to say. No sound escaped me.

There, in horrible, plain sight, was the one thing I'd left in the car—my camera, broken into too many pieces.

Give me speechless.

Flash.

I got that camera in my eleventh grade year. I had saved up every bit of money that came my way, ending up with a little over six hundred dollars. I did my research on different types of cameras, finally settling on my personal perfect fit: a Canon SLR 20d.

"I love these cameras," the young guy behind the counter said, whistling softly. "One of the best, I think. I've always wanted one." I'd just given him the money for it, and was now waiting for him to put it in the bag and hand it to me.

I grinned at him, pleased that someone agreed with my choice. "That's what I've heard."

"So what're you wanting to take pictures of?" he asked as he unlocked the case below the counter.

"Anything I can." I was bursting with excitement—I was barely controlling myself from bouncing. Which is saying something, considering how, uh, un-hyper I usually am. But I had reason to be happy—I'd waited for this moment for almost three years.

He set the box on the counter. "You're not going to be one of those girls who just takes pictures of herself, are you?" he asked warily. The glint in his eyes gave away his hidden smirk.

"No," I laughed. "Nah, maybe my friends, or landscapes. I just want to take pictures."

"Well, good on you, then." He chuckled softly and placed the camera box in a plastic bag. He held it out to me, and I took it from him, now completely beyond containing my happiness.

Give me giddy.

Flash.

"Thank you!"

"Yeah, just come back soon," he grinned.

"I will, no worries!" I called over my shoulder as I hurried out the door. Once in my car, I gently took the camera from the box.

My heart was exploding with pride. All of my work, all of my effort—it all came to this camera.

Now, to get home, raise the camera to my eyes, and hear the click of the shutter…

Give me thrilled.

Flash.

"I'm sorry, Jude," Ty said, his words meaningless. "Do you think you can get it fixed?"

I shook my head back and forth, numb. With this amount of damage, it would never work again. My first and only camera, gone. How would I take pictures without a camera?

And if I couldn't take pictures, how could I keep up with my photography class? How could I record all of these memories?

I slowly reached out a hand and touched the shattered pieces of one of the biggest parts of my life…and the tears came again.

Give me defeat.

Flash.

Give me heartbreak.

Flash.

Give me too much.

Flash.

A/N: So, I'll try and get back to updating normally again, guys. Kick me in the head if I don't update by next Friday. Or like, send me nasty, strongly worded PMs. Hope you liked these couple of chapters. :)