The cordless phone never seemed to be in a convenient location. Never. Ever. Even when Dean was a teenager, the cordless phone would be under sofa cushion, one time his mom found it in the refrigerator, she was still trying to pin that one on Dean, Dean and Sam both knew that was their dad, he did it, and refused to fess up to it, but still the phone had been in the refrigerator. So, it should have been absolutely no surprise that as soon as the phone started ringing, he would be sitting at his computer looking up psychic premonitions, trying to figure out what in the world Missouri had been trying to tell him, with no phone beside the computer, and once he struggled to get up, and started on the great American cordless phone hunt, and found it, on the bathroom sink (what exactly had he been doing for it to end up there?) the phone stopped ringing. He sighed. Exhausted. Even with the extended amount of rings, he wasn't able to locate the thing in time to answer it.

"Damn leg." He mumbled and took the phone with him back to the computer. As soon as he sat down, fingers poised above the keys, his cell phone rang. He sighed and put his head down on the computer desk. Stupid thing was in the kitchen charging. He stood and his leg about gave way underneath him, he sighed, grabbed a hold of the desk and forced himself back up. He made it to the kitchen and to the phone just in time.

"Hello?" he asked breathlessly. His voice was horse with the effort of running around the house looking for phones.

"Dean?"

"Kelly?"

"Are you okay?"

"Fine."

"Where are you?"

"Home?"

"You didn't answer your phone."

"I couldn't find it."

"Oh." Silence on the other end of the phone. Dean furrowed his brows and tried to keep his breathing nice and even. He rested against the counter, taking weight off of his bad leg, he couldn't brave another trip to the other side of the room just yet.

"You okay Kelly? Is Adam okay?"

"We're both fine." She said and then paused again.

"Didn't the money come?"

"What? Oh. Yeah. Money came. That's not why I'm calling."

"What is it then? You never call."

"How would you like to see Adam this Thanksgiving instead of waiting until Christmas?" His stomach immediately dropped, his eyes stung, and it was his turn to go mute. The plan was Christmas, he had been planning on Christmas, his first scar removal surgery was the day after Thanksgiving, he wanted to look decent, he wanted to feel decent the first time he saw his son. And here she was giving him the opportunity to see his son a whole month early, the opportunity he most certainly didn't want to give up, but on the other hand he wasn't sure if he was ready for yet. His son had met him as that busted up guy down the street, he knew him as some stranger that looked horrible and couldn't even take care of his own lawn, needed a child to help him. Dean didn't know if he wanted his son to know that had been him. How would he react to that? Would he be scared? Horrified? Would he hide behind his mother's legs? Would he ask Sam if he could be his dad instead? That last one made him just about want to puke.

"Dean?" Kelly asked. "Dean? You still there?"

Dean cleared his throat, "I'm here."

"What's the matter?"

"I just don't know Kelly."

"What do you mean?" she asked without a hint of hostility.

"I don't know if the first time I actually get to spend time with my son if I want him to see me like this."

"Dean…"

"Don't you dare tell me it's not that bad. I look in a mirror every single day. I know exactly what I look like."

"Dean, he wants to meet you." That stopped Dean cold.

"What? He say that to you?"

"I gave him the gift that you sent for him. I told him it was from you. Told him about the night he was born, and how you held him, and wouldn't let him go." Tears started to roll down Kelly's face. That night had been so precious. They had been a family.

The same memory clouded Dean's mind. It had been one of the few days he had been clean, and he treasured those memories. Adam had been so little, so precious, and Dean had let all of that go for some cheep thrill. He had been such an idiot.

"And after I told him all of that, gave him the gift, he has been asking if you feel better now, asking if he can meet you, asking if he can spend time with you. He isn't going to care what you look like Dean."

"I don't want to scare him." Dean said softly.

"Your mom said he already saw your face."

"He did."

"Did he run?"

"No."

"Did he scream?"

"No."

"Then why do you expect him to do it this time?"

"I don't know." Dean said unable to articulate his fears.

"So what do you think?"

"I don't know Kelly."

"What the hell Dean?" Kelly suddenly blew up.

"What?"

"You've wanted to see your kid since you got clean. You've asked, pleaded, whatever. And now that I give you the opportunity, ahead of schedule, you act like you don't want it. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What? Kelly. You gave me a set date. I've been preparing myself for it. I have surgery scheduled…."

"Are you just worried about your appearance? God nothing has changed since high school."

"Kelly! This isn't just some bad hair cut! What the hell?"

"Your son won't care if you are black and blue with purple spots."

"Oh yeah! He's gonna take one look at me and then look at my perfect brother and then ask you if Sam can be his dad. I know it! And what makes it even more pathetic is that I won't blame the kid. I want to see my son more than you will ever understand Kelly. I just don't want my heart broken when he doesn't want the broken man to be his father."

"Have faith." She said softly.

"Faith! Yeah. Faith! I'll have faith when people start having some faith in me."

"I have faith in you. That's why this phone call is even happening. I have faith that you love your son, that you are keeping yourself together, and that I can trust you to be around Adam. I'm putting a lot of faith in you Dean. That should be enough." Dean swallowed.

"Kelly…"

"Dean. Life doesn't get better unless you let it." Dean licked his suddenly dry lips and looked down at his bare feet. Was she right? Was that part of the problem? He wasn't letting his life get better?

"Yes. I want to see my son."

"Okay." She said softly. "We'll be at your mom's for dinner."

"Okay."

"Bye Dean."

"Bye." He hung up the phone with shaking hands and ran a hand through his hair and then down his face. The time had come. He was finally going to get his son back.