The River and The Highway

by mischief-maker1

Ryan Fawcett was Dean's first exorcism when he was 11 years old. Occasionally, the huntress pops up into his life. But is there a greater force at work, bringing them together again & again? Prophecies, angels, and demons abound as their story interweaves. Spoilers through the Season 9 finale. Follows existing SPN cannon. Rated M for...everything. Trigger Warnings within. Dean/OFC

21. Long Way To Happy

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of its characters. They belong to the wonderful Lord Kripke and I'm just borrowing them for a bit...

AN: Hi all! SO sorry I didn't get this posted this weekend! Ugh. It was hella busy. Yikes! Anywho, here's another big ass chapter. Hope you enjoy!

I got a review this week wanting to know when Dean would pop back into the picture. Well, he's here in this one, but we have about 5 chapters until we're back to his POV and catch up to where we left him. Don't worry, I'll make sure it all ties together. It's beautiful, I promise! And I'm a sucker for happiness for my characters, I just like to torture them first! HA! This story started as just his and Ryan's, but it's become SO much more. It has morphed into its own universe. Thanks for the reviews! I'm glad you all are enjoying it.

TRIGGER WARNING: Abuse against women, mentions or rape/torture, actual torture, knives, you know, my usual...

---

January Twenty-Fourth,

Castiel POV

Castiel glanced over at the sleeping human. Who would have ever thought this was where his life would take him? When he agreed to go rescue a human soul from hell, it had never occurred to him it would lead to his ruin, his death, his life, his need to become God, his ruin, his deception, his humanity, his death again, his stolen grace, his best friend becoming a demon, battling said best friend, renewing his grace, then finally, his renewed sense of self.

"Cassie? Where you going?" Victoria asked softly as she rolled over to look at him.

He smiled at her. Yes, Hope had given him the gift of understanding humanity a bit better, but in doing so, she had awakened a carnal sense within him. He understood, now, why so many of his brethren enjoyed the sins of the flesh. "I must go for my meeting with Dean. Not to worry, I will return to you when I am finished."

She pouted prettily. He understood that by human standards, she was not as beautiful as others, but her soul called to him. It shone just as brightly, if not brighter, than Dean's had. It was a beacon of hope to him. She had such an innate sense of good within her. He could not stop his need for her. And when she had flirted with him, then, had shown him her desire for him, he had been unable to stop himself.

"I won't be here," she told him. "I've got a job to go out on."

She was a huntress; tough, fair, a bit rough, but perfect in almost every way. To him, at least. "You stay safe out there," he cautioned as he walked to the door.

"Cas?" she began and he turned at the sound of her voice.

She stood, revealing her nakedness and his vessel responded immediately. "Victoria," he warned.

"Come on, please? I can make it really quick. You know you always get to the diner so early…"

He couldn't quite stop the whine of need that came from his throat as she knelt before him and unfastened his pants. Her eyes gazed up and bore into his. "I promise. I'll make it worth your while…"

Her hot breath ghosted over him and he shivered as he closed his eyes. "Of that, I have no doubts…"

"Cas, man, how's tricks?" Dean greeted him as he slid into the booth twenty minutes later. Castiel had managed to arrive only two minutes, thirty three seconds ago, and were it not for the fact he was an angel instead of human, he would still be breathless. He wasn't quite sure how he had become charmed by Tory Allard, but he had. Sins of the flesh, indeed.

Castiel looked at Dean worriedly. Does he suspect…? He realized Ryan knew of his and Tory's…trysts, and Sam, he felt sure, knew, but something had warned him not to mention it to Dean. He supposed it was simply because he knew Dean would tease him about it. And at the same time, Castiel felt a strong desire to protect Tory from the scrutiny Dean would no doubt put her under. "Everything is fine, Dean. How are the souls in hell?"

"Dead," Dean joke flatly as he lifted the fork to his mouth. Cas hadn't even noticed the waitress had brought over the blueberry confection. To this day, Castiel still couldn't enjoy eating. He knew other angels that did, however, he just couldn't fathom why.

"Great pie today, ladies!" Dean called to the two women behind the counter. He turned back to Cas. "Tortured," he continued. "Making Meg the Mistress of Tortures was the best damn idea I've ever had. She loves it, really gets off on other people's pain. She's an awesome sadist. Wish I had known her as a human. Bet she would have really enjoyed bondage and shit."

Castiel cleared his throat and remained silent as images of the little demon came unbidden to his mind. He still hadn't forgotten the times they had shared. He had come to care for her wellbeing for a time there. He was glad Dean had found her in Hell and knighted her.

"You know, she's still got a 'thang' for you, Cas."

Castiel just looked at the man sitting across from him and Dean smiled. "Well, just thought I'd throw it out there. Hey, a demon and an angel? Just call the relationship 'holy hell' and be done with it."

For some reason, this irritated Cas. He couldn't quite put his finger on why, though. "Dean, are we going to discuss business, or are you still attempting to get me laid?"

Dean laughed out loud and Cas was glad for it. He enjoyed seeing Dean acting like his old self, even if it was short-lived.

"So, speaking of sex…heard Sam was shacking up with Ryan permanently now?"

Castiel blinked. Why the sudden change of topic? Castiel had been waiting for Dean to mention it. He knew, from Meg, that Dean knew of Sam and Ryan's living arrangement. Of course, Castiel could not tell the true reasoning behind it, but he could tell Dean a few things. He smiled slightly at the thought of Ryan. She was indeed a character, his friend's soul mate. "Ah, yes, Ryan Fawcett and her children. They are amazing, really."

"Yeah, she is," Dean stated offhandedly. "Heard her cousin had another one. Can't believe she saddled her with a third kid."

Cas couldn't help the confused look on his face. How is it you are so intelligent, Dean, but you did not see the children are yours? It boggles the mind, my friend.

Dean went on. "I mean, really, can't the dumb bitch keep her legs closed or what? What the fuck is she? A damn brood mare putting it out there for the stud horse? Is she like a dog in heat or something?"

Castiel cleared his throat again. He realized Dean did not know he was disparaging Ryan in this discussion, but still, it made him uncomfortable. He cared for Ryan as he did Sam. Granted, they were not overly close in the emotional sense, but, still, he cared for her and considered her a friend. Also, the fact she was his friend's soul mate as well as the mother to two of his brethren, he felt a strange desire to protect her in a way he had no other human, save Sam and Dean. He was quite busy with Heaven's needs, but he had grown affectionate towards her. And the things she was doing for humanity as a whole were all good acts despite the troubling stain upon her soul. He still had yet to find the cause for the growth, nor why she had suddenly been given the power to fight off demons. Now that Jesse was there, they were toying with her power a bit. It was making him nervous, but what could he do? He understood that should a fight with Hell arise, they needed to know her strengths and weaknesses. So far, all she had been doing was getting stronger. Troubling, indeed. "Dean, I'm not really comfortable talking about this…"

Dean shrugged. "What's the big deal, Cas? Okay, so, Sam's got my sloppy seconds. Good for him. Little weird, but, hey, he's always been weird. At least she's not a demon or a werewolf. She's still human, isn't she?"

Cas' brow's knit. He had wondered if he should tell Dean of Ryan's growing stain on her soul. It was worrying him. She acted as though she was fine, and he supposed she was, but still, it wasn't giving him, what was it Ryan called it? Yes, it wasn't giving him the warm and fuzzies. "Yes, Ryan is…human."

Dean nodded. "Good. So, I guess I'm happy for him. I mean, he's got a family. Guess he's like, a dad and shit now, huh?"

You are their father, Dean. Why can I not tell you? Oh, it frustrates me so not to be able to tell you the truth. I wish I could say it. You would love Ryan. Perhaps, somewhere within your twisted soul you have feelings, human feelings, for her, even if you do not realize it… "Dean…"

Dean held up a hand. "Say no more. It's none of my business. Hey, I'm the thing she's terrified of."

Castiel just barely held in his surprise. He hadn't realized how much Dean actually cared for Ryan. It was easy to see, now, Meg was right when she had spoken to him about Dean's outburst regarding Sam and Ryan. How interesting.

"Just, uh, just let her and Sammy both know I'm happy for them, okay? And, uh, let her know I swear safety for her and the kids. No demon will make a deal with them or touch them. Forget the fact Sam's living with them. I mean, hell, he's not the best with relationships, so, even if they break up or something, I will still keep her safe."

Cas meant it when he said, "Dean, I never thought otherwise." It was painfully obvious Meg was right. The soul mate connection was alive and well within Dean Winchester. He wanted Ryan's safety and wellbeing above everything else. How intriguing. He wondered if he could study Dean and Ryan's connection further without them knowing it. Their connection, as human and demon, would be one for the record book, indeed.

"Good."

They were both silent for a few moments. He had so many lies now, so many omissions of truths he couldn't share with Dean. It frustrated him to no end. It hadn't been terrible long ago he was a poor liar. Now, he had become quite accomplished at it. It was not something he was proud of, truth be told.

Dean glanced around. "So, uh…"

Castiel looked at him, "Yes?"

Dean blinked and shook his head. "Nothing. How are things on earth? Monsters bad? Anything out of the ordinary since I'm keeping things locked up downstairs?"

Cas shook his head. Things were actually going quite well now. Sam and Ryan had continued building their reputations in the Men of Letters and had quite a few hunters now out coordinating efforts to rid the Earth of evil. "No, things seem to be going quite well. Earth has monsters, yes, but nothing Sam and their hunters can't take care of."

"Their hunters?"

Cas nodded. "Sam has taken a more leadership role in the Men of Letters, as has Ryan. Truthfully, Sam is hunting less and less as he's become the authority figure in the occult."

"Sammy's the new Bobby?" Dean smiled at that.

It was not the first time he had heard the phrase. Apparently Bobby Singer really was quite the expert in the field of monsters. It made Castiel sad to realize he might have been able to save him had he not been…as he was at the time. He nodded. "Yes. If Sam does go hunting, usually he takes Ryan or Hope with him."

"Hope's old enough to hunt?"

"Indeed. As a matter of fact, Ryan took Hope on her first hunt a few months ago." Even though he wanted to, mainly to get his friend's opinion on the situation, he didn't dare share the fact Ryan came back with some interesting demon powers. There would be a time and a place for that, he knew it. When he had visited with them a few days ago, Ryan had been gearing up for a simple salt-and-burn. She was going to take Hope with her. "They're gone now while Sam looks after the boys." The angel smiled. "I have to admit, seeing your brother with the two little ones is quite humorous. From what I hear, his first diaper changing experience was interesting."

Dean smiled as well. "That's cool. How old are the kids now?"

Castiel wasn't sure why he did it, but he didn't tell the truth of their ages. "Bobby is almost four and Jon is almost two years old."

"John?"

"Jonathan," Cas corrected. "Though, we usually call him Jon."

"Did Ryan name him, too? I mean, she named Bobby."

"Technically, Hope named Bobby," Castiel amended, "But, yes, Ryan named him. She asked Sam if he wanted to, but he declined the offer."

Dean blinked. "Cool. So, Ryan's hunting? Even with the kids?"

"Hope is of the age to hunt," Castiel said simply. "Ryan had wanted to wait until Jonathan turned a year old, but Sam insisted she needed to go out and kill something before she killed one of them."

Dean chuckled. "Sounds like a good idea."

Castiel nodded. "She is one of the most lethal women I have come upon. I am quite glad she was indisposed at the time…if she had been hunting angels with you and Sam, she would have wiped out our whole species. As it is, you do not want to mess with her. We are having angels train with them now so they know how to handle a rogue attack. It's…fascinating, truly." He paused and smiled. "She was quite ready for the hunt as well. She had not had the opportunity to hunt in a while. She is rectifying that situation now."

"Well…good for her."

Cas nodded. It was amazing, watching her fight. Now that they had a garrison strictly to work with Ryan, Hope and the other older hunters-in-training, they were all learning how to adapt. The angels, too, were learning. They were fighting and practicing against Jesse, building his training as well as training the angels to think without their grace and to use their vessels to the fullest. It was quite a humbling experience for some of them. "They also have taken in a young woman, another hunter. Sam said you knew her. Krissy Chambers?"

Dean smiled and Castiel was glad to see it reached his eyes as he apparently fondly remembered the young woman. "Yeah, I know her. How did they wind up with her?"

"Sam found her injured on a hunt a few months ago. She called one of your old telephone numbers. He brought her back home and Ryan has taken her in, I suppose."

"She loves taking in strays, doesn't she?"

Castiel smiled as well. "Indeed. Quite a few now, I suppose. Luckily her house is so big." He paused, and added, "She has two other…for lack of a better word, foster children in her care as well." One of which is your son, Ben. Dean, you are missing so much. Castiel's heart ached for his friend. Dean had no idea what he was missing, and they couldn't tell him, not yet. There was a reason Gabriel had asked Ryan to keep this from Dean, one they weren't quite certain of. But Gabriel was an archangel. He would know if it was safe or not, and if he had warned Ryan against telling Dean of the children, he had a good reason for it. So, though he longed to, he didn't mention his friend's children. Instead, he talked of Ryan. "She's a good woman. She has been through so much. It is no wonder heaven has taken a liking to her. She will be richly rewarded for her good deeds on earth."

"That's…nice."

Cas glanced at the clock on the wall. As much as he loved their talks, he did have a meeting. He spent quite a bit of time on Earth, more often than not, for pleasure, but he had to return to Heaven for business. "I am sorry, Dean, I need to go. Hannah has a meeting scheduled I can't be late for."

"Sure, Cas. Thanks, man, for everything."

"Sam misses you," Cas stated hurriedly as he stood. Even if he couldn't get Dean and Ryan together, he could at least mention the fact Dean's brother missed him terribly. Some days Sam seemed to hide it. But most days, it was all too apparent there was a gaping hole within the man. "He would love to see you."

"Yeah, no, I don't think that would be good," Dean told him as he, too, stood, and threw some money on the table.

They walked out of the café together. Cas stopped him with a hand on his arm. "He has forgiven you for what you said in the warehouse. He knows that wasn't you, reacting that way."

"Cas, man…"

"Just think about it, Dean. You know the two of you don't do well separate."

"We couldn't be more separate if we tried. I don't want what I am to influence him into doing something wrong, Cas."

"You are a demon, Dean, but that is not the only thing you are." Cas paused. "Think about it." He turned and in a flutter of wings, along with a heavy heart, he was gone.

---

February Fourteenth

Sam POV

He could hear Ryan singing as he made his way downstairs and he chuckled as he glanced around the corner. She was dancing with a spatula in her hand, using it as a microphone as she channeled her inner Pat Benatar. "Hit me with your best shot, fire away!"

Jon clapped his hands and Bobby was yelling, "Go Mama!" at the top of his lungs.

"She's awesome, isn't she?" Ben asked quietly as he came up behind Sam.

Sam nodded. "Yeah, she is."

"How did we end up here, Sam?"

Sam thought a moment as he continued to watch Ryan and the little boys who were now dancing with her and inclined his head Ryan's direction. "Her. Because of her, Ben, we're all alive right now. If it wasn't for Ryan, I don't know where we would be."

"I love her," Ben told him. "She's…she's not my Mom, but Dean could have done a whole lot worse."

Sam couldn't have agreed more. "She's special, I'll give you that."

"What is it about her, Sam?"

Sam thought a moment as he watched her. She could have given up. She could have tried and tried until she finally managed to kill herself, but she didn't. She moved on, somehow. He gave Ben a sad little smile. "She builds people up, Ben. She builds others up because she knows what it's like to be torn down, to be nothing. She doesn't want that fate to fall on you guys. She wants so much for you all. And she'll go to the ends of the earth for you. Remember that."

Ben nodded. "For what it's worth, if I had known, if she and Dean had gotten together, if he had been in my life more…I still would have loved her. She just…she instills loyalty, you know?"

Like Dean does, Sam thought. But he didn't say it. Some days Ben accepted Dean as his father. Others, not so much.

"Are you pervs going to lurk around out there all day or are you going to come eat some pancakes?" she called without looking up as she poured batter on the huge electric skillet once more.

Ben laughed. "I'll go get Jesse."

Sam watched him walk down the stairs to the basement and smiled as he turned and walked into the kitchen.

"So, Ryan, I found a case."

Her eyebrow lifted as she flipped a pancake onto a plate and handed it to him. Two more quickly followed. "Oh? Do tell."

He walked over and sat his plate down before going to grab a mug for some coffee. "I think it's a djinn."

"Oooooh, I haven't hunted a djinn in like, forever. Matter of fact, I only hunted one once, with Bobby, about a million years ago."

Sam's nose wrinkled in disgust. "We've dealt with them two or three times. Last time, we found out there's a bastardized offshoot of the djinn that feeds off fear."

"Fun stuff," she murmured as she plated up two more short stacks, cut them up, squirted some syrup on them, and placed them in front of the little boys. She glanced up at him. "So…who we sending it out to?" she asked as she put a bib on Jon and tucked Bobby's napkin into his collar.

"Honestly? I thought we could take it."

She stood straight and looked at him as he poured his coffee. "What?"

He took a sip of his drink before he said, "Well, I mean, we don't have to, but it sounds like it could be that offshoot I've dealt with before. And if it is, I'm not sure anyone else can handle it…"

She smirked like she could read him. Well, really, she could. Since they'd started hunting off and on, he found he missed it more than he realized. Of course, he loved the studying, loved helping the other hunters, loved being in The Bunker, but occasionally, he got the fire going in his belly and needed the hunt. She pursed her lips before she smiled. "Alright. We've got to get babysitting lined up."

"Just like that?" he inquired.

She shrugged. "I've only hunted one djinn, Sam. I'm eager to see some action, and I'm eager to see if it's this new kind. Tell me more. After breakfast," she added as the teenagers filed into the room. She went from Hunter to Mom like she had flipped a switch in her brain as she called, "Okay, who's hungry?"

Sam moved out of the way as the teens filed through for breakfast and only after everyone was seated, did he take his seat at the island to eat with Ryan. Their breakfast table only sat six comfortably and no one liked eating in the dining room, so usually the kids took the table while Ryan and Sam sat at the island on barstools. It was nice to have a break from the little ones, too, and the four oldest were all quite eager to help with the babies, even though three of them had pretty much no experience with kids. It was always interesting to watch them all interact.

Ryan plopped next to him and took a generous sip of her milk. Sam had never understood her fascination with the drink. She drank at least two or three glasses a day. He liked milk, just not that much. "Good call on the pancake flavor this morning, Bobby!" she called to the boy. At Sam's raised eyebrow she shrugged. "I let him choose." The pancakes were cinnamon roll flavored.

"Good call," Sam reiterated as he shoveled a forkful into his mouth.

"So, Hope, think you'll get a ton of valentines today?" he heard Ben tease.

"Shut it, Ben!" she growled, blushing furiously.

Sam blinked. "Is today Valentine's Day?"

A chorus of "Duh's" sounded, causing him to roll his eyes. "Well, excuse me. Anyone got any hot dates I need to know about?"

All he got was stony silence. Jesse had decided to join Krissy and Ben as seniors in high school, and Hope had started out the year as a junior, but when Jesse came back to Lebanon, she requested a transfer so she could be in the same grade as the other three. And though she was so much younger than them, almost six years younger than Ben, who was the youngest of the older kids, she fit right in with them. Sam actually suspected she didn't need school anymore. He had noticed that angelic grace of hers was making her react to things differently than she used to, although, most of the time, she was still definitely Dean's kid. "Come on. Seriously?" he asked, incredulous, "You four are young. Why aren't you out there…"

"Samuel Winchester," Ryan admonished. "I really don't want this discussed right here, right now."

He opened his mouth, but then closed it and cleared his throat. "Okay…well, just…you four be safe."

"God, Sam!" he heard chorused and he chuckled. He'd have to make sure to pass out some condoms, just in case. They sure as hell didn't need any other kids in the house. He knew Ryan had kind of given the girls a talk. Hope was, after all, too young to be thinking about sex, no matter what, but Kris was almost an adult. Maybe he needed to have a brush up about sex with the boys. The thought made him lose his appetite.

Ryan noticed him push his plate away and she smirked. "Now you know what I worry about when they go out on a date." She had put her foot down about Hope dating, though. She could go out with the other kids, but she was still too young to date by herself. It had led to quite an argument between mother and daughter and he was quite glad he hadn't been part of their discussion. He disciplined the kids, especially the little boys, but Hope, he tended to let Ryan handle. She knew her the best.

He glanced over at the four sitting, talking amongst themselves and cleared his throat again. "Shit. Who knew I would end up being someone to have sex talks with kids? I've got the worst track record of any man, ever."

Ryan giggled and punched his arm. "Well, you're still re-virginated. Maybe you can teach them abstinence."

"Ha-fucking-ha," he shot back at her as he picked up his coffee. He would need a lot more caffeine in order to talk sex with the boys.

After breakfast, he walked down the steps to the basement where the guys were getting their backpacks together for school. He had the box of condoms Ryan had given him for Christmas with him. He hadn't, however, felt the need to bring the other present she'd given him and he really couldn't believe she had presented him with a Pocket Pussy, but she'd reminded him if he wasn't getting the real thing, he still needed to look out for his health. Honestly, he was fairly certain she waschanneling Dean half the time. "Uh, guys? Can I have a minute?"

Both of the teens looked up at him and he blushed. "Uh, so, this morning…it got me to thinking…Dean used to love Valentine's day. He said it was Unattached Drifter Christmas. And, well, you two don't have girlfriends and some of the girls will be lonely and, uh, they're easy pickings and…"

Jesse looked as embarrassed as Sam felt, but Ben grinned and snagged a few condoms from Sam's box, shoving them into his pocket. "Thanks, Sam. I was hoping to score with Keena Driscoll. Maybe if I tell her it's a national holiday, she'll give me a taste."

"Don't be a dick," Jesse admonished softly. Sam smiled. Jesse was quiet. He rarely spoke, but if he did, usually Ben listened to him. It was interesting how quickly the two boys had bonded.

"Just because you're still a virgin…" Ben began and before Sam could stop him, Jesse had shoved Ben into the wall, forgoing his demon powers and using brute force.

"Guys!" Sam shouted as he walked to separate the two boys. He was beginning to regret training them both. It wouldn't be long and they would both be able to beat his ass.

"At least I'm not some kind of whore fucking everything that will let me touch her," Jesse shot back as his hand tightened around Ben's neck.

Ben shrugged as he looked into Jesse's eyes, all but daring him to squeeze harder. "I'm my old man's. What can I say?"

Sam blew out a breath as he tapped Jesse's arm and the boy let the other go but didn't move just yet. Ben had begun referring to Dean as his father, but usually it was in a derogatory capacity. "Cool it. Both of you."

The two boys separated and snapped up their backpacks. "Look," Sam tried again, "You don't have to go out and have sex if you don't want to. You're both, well, I wouldn't say mature," he said as he glared at Ben, who smirked, but Sam could see it didn't reach his eyes, "But you're both old enough to know which way the wind blows. Ben, Dean was…"

"A man-whore?" Ben provided scornfully.

"You know what? Yeah, he was. But he was considerate."

"Sure. Which is why Ryan's got three of his kids by herself and I didn't even know he was my dad until he stole our memories and walked away from us!"

Sam shut his eyes to stave off the pain and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm not going to argue with you about this. Shit happens. We deal with it." He thrust a couple of more condoms in Ben's hand to prove his point. "But try to make sure that shit doesn't happen to you, okay? Dean never thought he had a future. You do. That makes a big damn difference, alright?"

"Yeah, whatever," Ben stated aloofly as he walked away.

Sam watched him go with a sigh. He turned to the other teen. "Jesse…" Sam began.

Jesse shook his head and walked over to Sam. "I'll talk to him. Valentine's Day is hard. He remembers his mom going out on dates and stuff before and after Dean. He knows how hurt she was after Dean left. How hard it was for her, having a kid get in the way of holidays like today."

"I didn't mean to make this complicated," Sam began. Shit. I suck at this. Damn you, Dean. This is your job, not mine…

Jesse held up his hand. "It's cool. Really. He's just…he's kinda pissed at Dean today."

He wasn't sure why it surprised him, but it did. He hadn't realized Ben and Jesse had become that close. "You two have talked?"

Jesse shrugged. "Who else is he going to talk to, Sam? No offense, but you've got your hands full with the M.O.L. stuff. He and I talk about shit. It's all good."

Sam watched the boy walk out of the room and sighed. Parenthood was a fucking bitch.

It took them a few days to get everything lined up, but by the following weekend, Sam and Ryan were hitting the road in Sam's new sedan. It had a huge trunk he'd overhauled for his weapons cache and still had enough space for a body if need be. It also had a built-in jack for his iPod, which Ryan was currently playing with. She had slid her boots off and had her feet up on the dashboard. He's gotten over trying to tell her to stop. If she rode shotgun, her feet were on the dash.

She let out a snort. "You've got more girl music on this thing than I have on mine." She snickered at something on there, before, "Maybe even more," she commented as she put on Pat Monahan's "Her Eyes" and proceeded to sing it.

He shot her a look as he listened to the words. It made his heart hurt for some reason as he thought of her. He was having a really hard time not falling for her. It had been a struggle already, but it was getting worse. He knew it wasn't just because they were in close proximity. Ryan was an awesome person and he did love her, he just couldn't be in love with her. That would only bring trouble. To everyone. So, he buried it, taking a page out of his brother's book. After all, wasn't it the Winchester way to bury everything you ever felt? He cleared his throat. "So, did you get a chance to look over the information I put together on this djinn?"

She nodded as she turned the volume down so they could talk. "Yep. I did. Sounds intriguing. Wish Charlie was here so we could ask her about being under the effects of it. I mean, I read what you had her write up for her entry into the Men of Letters, brilliant idea, by the way, but it would be easier if we had a bit more information."

He shrugged. "I know. Too bad cell phones don't work in Oz."

She giggled. "That would be a trip, wouldn't it?" She was quiet a moment. "Do you think she'll be back?"

He hadn't forgotten Ryan had met Charlie once. Ryan told him of the time Charlie learned the truth about Dean and Ryan from Frank Deveraux's hard drive and came to visit her. "I hope so," he said finally.

Ryan pulled out her phone and looked at the GPS. "Okay, so, it looks like we've got a drive. Want to trade off in a couple of hours, get there faster?"

He nodded. "Works for me."

She scooted down a bit further in her seat, grabbed her jacket and draped it over herself like a blanket. "Okay, wake me when you're ready to switch."

He glanced at her as he eased the car onto the interstate. She could fall asleep at the drop of a hat if she told her body it needed rest. He supposed it was a good thing in their line of work.

Hours later, he woke her gently and she glanced around, owl-eyed. "Where are we?"

"Almost out of Colorado. You want to drive?"

She yawned and nodded. "Sure. You didn't have to drive this damn far, Sam."

He shrugged. "It's a long ass ride to San Diego. It's fine." He pulled the car into a truck stop where they got a bite to eat and filled the car with gas before she slid behind the wheel.

He sank into the passenger seat and watched as Ryan punched a few buttons on his iPod and P!ink blared out at him. She grinned. "You know, you really do have some good shit on here, Sam."

He was just glad she hadn't put on the classic rock. She had been pretty good about not reminding him too much of hunting with his brother. Occasionally, she couldn't help it, but she tried. That was the main thing. It warmed his heart, too.

He wadded up his jacket under his head and fell asleep as P!nk sang about being Sober…

He was jerked awake by Maroon 5 blasting out of the speakers and Ryan singing. Loudly. Seductively.

So what you trying to do to me
It's like we can't stop, we're enemies
But we get along when I'm inside you, eh
You're like a drug that's killing me
I cut you out entirely
But I get so high when I'm inside you

Ryan had obviously cranked the volume dial to full blast and the music blaring. He glared at the woman who was bobbing her head, singing every damn word at the top of her lungs. "Rise and shine, Sammy!" she called.

He winced and turned the volume down. Just that quick, she reminded him of Dean. He wasn't even sure she realized it, when she did it. "Was that really necessary?"

She grinned as she danced in the seat, head bobbing, shimmying her shoulders, one hand barely on the wheel and ignored him as she turned the music up again and sang her heart out.

Baby I'm preying on you tonight
Hunt you down eat you alive
Just like animals
Animals
Like animals

Maybe you think that you can hide
I can smell your scent for miles
Just like animals
Animals
Like animals-mals

He closed his eyes as the song affected him. It was so blatantly sexual and Ryan didn't mean it. She had no idea the reaction her singing it was having on him as she sang along with Adam Levine.

So if I run it's not enough
You're still in my head forever stuck
So you can do what you wanna do, eh
I love your lies I'll eat 'em up
But don't deny the animal
That comes alive when I'm inside you

He let out a growl. He couldn't help it. His hands fisted at his sides and he looked out the side window so she wouldn't notice what she was doing to him.

Yeah you can start over you can run free
You can find other fish in the sea
You can pretend it's meant to be
But you can't stay away from me
I can still hear you making that sound
Taking me down rolling on the ground
You can pretend that it was me
But no, oh

God, help me, he groaned gently and shifted slightly to calm his…issues below the belt. He wondered if maybe there was a spell in the MOL spell books to take care of this. Like an anti-love potion. But, if he did that, he was afraid it would ruin everything else between them. No, he couldn't do that. He would just have to suck it up and deal with it. Right?

Don't tell no lie, lie lie lie
You can't deny, ny ny ny
The beast inside, side side side
Yeah yeah yeah

Fuck. She's going to kill me. Damn you, Ryan…

Finally, when the song was blessedly over, she turned it down and side-eyed him. "At least I chose one of your semi-favorite bands to wake you up. I was being completely considerate." He shot her a glare and her grin grew. "Well, I thought you'd like to see the sun rising over the desert, in any case." She yawned. "Besides, I need sleep."

For once, he actually looked around. It was still dark, but the clock on the radio showed it was early morning. "You drove all night?"

"Yep."

"Why?"

She shrugged. "Why not? It was nice; the silence, me and the radio, kinda like when I was hunting by myself, back in the day. It was just peace, you know? Our lives are so hectic now, and I'm a loner by nature. I enjoyed it."

He smiled and nodded. He had noticed that about her. "So…sunrise then breakfast?"

"Then sleep," she commented.

"You want to keep going or find a motel?"

She yawned again. "I don't care, whatever. I'd just as soon get to San Diego, personally. I mean, the sooner we get there, we might save somebody, right? We can sleep when we're finished, or at the very least, when we get there."

"If you're sure…"

"Why not?" She pulled them into a drive-thru restaurant where they grabbed coffee and some breakfast sandwiches before she drove them out to the desert just in time to see the great orange ball making its way over the horizon.

"This is beautiful," Sam commented. "Thanks, Ryan."

She shrugged as she sipped her coffee. "It is beautiful. I miss the desert. I loved living out here, so did Hope."

"Do you regret moving to Kansas?" he asked softly.

"Of course not!" she exclaimed. "I love our life, Sam. But sometimes, it's complicated."

He chortled. No shit, Sherlock. "You could say that." He paused. "You think Ann will be okay with the little ones?"

"Of course. Kris will take Bobby to preschool, then all Ann will have to deal with is Jon, and he's easygoing enough as long as she keeps him away from flames and doesn't piss him off too much." They shared a laugh at that. Jon had a short temper and he could set things into action without realizing it if they weren't watching what he was doing. They were all in hopes once he got a bit older, he could control things better. At least with the pyromancy, it seemed as though he needed to see the flames in order to spin them out of control. Ryan no longer burned candles around the house for that very reason.

Once the sun was fully up, they climbed back into the car and continued on their way.

Ryan only slept for about an hour or so before she was wide awake and they talked the rest of the way into San Diego where they tiredly pulled into one of the first hotels they came to. They both yawned as they walked into the office to get their room. They usually got a room with two beds, just like Sam had always done with Dean. That hadn't proven to be too complicated besides the fact she had to watch herself floss in the mirror and she liked to hum, loudly, while she gargled. Honestly, he had gotten used to it. She loved music even more than Dean did and anywhere she was rarely had a quiet moment because if music wasn't playing, she made damn sure some was coming from somewhere, even if she made it up herself.

Ryan scrubbed a hand over her face as she walked up to the reception desk and pulled her hair down from its ponytail to fish it back up again. "Need a room with two doubles," she stated on another yawn.

"Sorry. We're booked."

"Great," she stated flatly. "Ever thought of flicking that damn sign to "NO" out there in regards to vacancies?" she told him snidely.

"Ryan," Sam warned. "Cool it." He looked at the man and smiled. "Sorry. We're tired. It's been a long trip. Thanks."

They turned to walk away when the man said, "You ain't gonna find anything."

They turned back to him. "What?"

The man shrugged. "Some kind of convention going on in town. Ain't no vacancies anywhere."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Of course." Her brows knit. "Wait. What kind of convention? SDCC isn't for months."

Sam's eyebrow rose as he looked at her.

She caught his glare. "What?" He sent her an amused smiled. He knew she was a giant nerd. She liked nerdy stuff. Like him. Like…Dean. "Shut up," she retorted as she glared back at the clerk. "So, what? We gonna have to sleep in our car? Awesome."

"I got a room. King size bed. Honeymoon suite."

"We'll take it," Ryan said as she plopped some cash on the counter.

"Ryan. Uh…"

She turned to look at him. "We're dead on our feet, Sam. It's just a bed. We can sleep in the same one."

"Yeah, but…" He was desperately searching for any excuse to…

She glared at him tiredly. "Hey, you wanna sleep in the car, be my guest. Personally, I want to get horizontal and stretch out before we, you know, handle the thing with the thing…? I need sleep, real sleep. I'm not as young as I used to be, Sam."

He chuckled under his breath. Some days it seemed like she was younger than him. She had energy for days. She was like the little boys. She ran until she dropped. "Fine. We'll get the stupid room."

She filled out the paperwork and the man handed her two keys. She handed one to Sam and they walked out to the car. He drove them to the room and looked at the door with the two hearts on it with trepidation.

Ryan scoffed at him and stood before grabbing her bag from the back seat. "Come on, Sam, it's fine."

"Says you," he muttered as he followed her to the room. "I don't…I don't like this, Ryan," he commented.

Her eyebrow rose as she turned to him. "What? Afraid I'm going to steal that precious virtue of yours, Sam?" she teased.

His eyes narrowed at her. "No. I just…"

She smiled. "It's fine. Look, see? It's a huge-ass bed. There's plenty of room for both of us. Let's get busy researching."

"Sleep first, Ryan. We're both exhausted. And you didn't sleep as much as I did…" At her pout, he said, "Weren't you the one just telling me we aren't as young as we used to be? We can't pull all nighters and then stay up three more days in a row."

She stuck her tongue out at him before she sighed as she dropped her bag onto the bed and began digging through it. She pulled out what he knew were her yoga pants and tee she usually slept in. "Fine. I'll go brush my teeth."

He smirked as she walked to the bathroom. He eyed the bed and sighed. No, he didn't have a terrific feeling about this.

A few minutes later, she emerged from the bathroom with her hair in a plait down her back and her face free of makeup. Honestly, that was how he liked seeing her the best. She didn't need makeup and all that crap to be pretty. She walked over to the bed and glanced at him. "I'm sleeping on this side, okay?"

"Uh…okay?" he asked on a shrug. "Whatever." He glanced through his bag looking for his sleep pants and caught her dropping her pants out of the corner of his eye. "Whoa, whoa! What are you doing?"

"Going to bed…" she began. "Why?"

"Pants?"

She shrugged. "I don't sleep in pants. I'm too hot natured. I sleep in a tee shirt and underwear."

"We've lived together for two years. We've gone on six hunts together. How is it I never knew this?"

"Is this a problem, Sam?"

He shook his head. "This isn't a good idea, Ryan. I…I'll sleep on the floor, I'll…"

"Would you stop being such a pussy, Sam? I'm not going to molest you in your sleep, you big girl."

"I…" he didn't know what to say to that. He was being ridiculous, right?

She rolled her eyes and slid under the covers. "See? The bed didn't swallow me whole. You'll be fine, Sam. Your virtue is safe from me, I swear it."

His eyes narrowed as he glared at the bed. He was going back to hell by the time the night was over, he knew it. He sighed, squared his shoulders, and went to get ready for bed.

He emerged from the bathroom ten minutes later to find her sound asleep. He looked at her a minute. She looked so young, so innocent, sound asleep. She had the corner of the blanket tucked up under her cheek on the pillow and her arms were wrapped around that corner of the blanket, almost as if she were hugging it. She let out a little whimper and her brows knit. He smiled. She really was beautiful, inside and out.

Just then, she whimpered again and murmured, "Dean," and he sighed. Yeah, Dean would always be between them. He really did need to go out and find him somebody, maybe if he just… He shook his head and slid under the covers. He was wearing his tee shirt and sleep pants, so he felt like he was covered well enough. He wasn't sure if he'd get to sleep or not. This wasn't the most comfortable he'd ever been. He tried to go to sleep on his side with his back to her, but he couldn't. That wasn't the side he usually slept on. He flipped to his back, but couldn't find any comfort there, either. Finally, he turned over and looked right into her sleeping face. Sometime during his tossing and turning, she had turned over toward him.

He huffed out a breath and closed his eyes again. Just go to sleep, Sam, he commanded himself. He was almost asleep when he felt her small hand on his waist. He sucked in a breath as she snuggled into him and he groaned softly. Fuck. I'm screwed.

---

Ryan POV

Ryan heard her phone vibrate on the bedside table and she opened her eyes to see the sun lighting the room. Her attention, however, was quickly diverted to the large hand curved around her waist. She blinked awake and shifted slightly, only for the arm and hand to constrict slightly, pulling her firmly against him. Him and his morning wood. Sam's hand moved, his thumb brushing her nipple through her shirt and she gently tried to move it. He was sound asleep, she could tell by his breathing pattern. She tried to maneuver out of his grasp to no avail. Her shoulders dropped and she huffed out a sigh. She didn't want to wake him up, but she wasn't sure she had a choice. When he tightened his grip once more, she sighed anew and tapped his arm. "Sam. I gotta pee, hon."

It was as if he had been tasered. He shot up out of the bed and stared down at her. "Jesus! I'm so sorry, Ryan!" he all but shouted.

She turned over and looked at him as he ran a hand through his hair and she smiled. "Sam, it's fine. You were asleep. I'm sure I…" she shook her head as her grin grew. She was feeling particularly evil this morning. "It was just a nipple brush and a little cock contact. I'll live."

"Oh, God," he muttered as he sank onto the bed to sit and put his head in his hands.

She rolled to her knees and hugged him from behind. "Sam…"

He shoved her off and stood again. "I'm going to take a shower. I'll get another room tonight. I can't…I can't do this, Ryan."

She watched him go with knit brows. What did I do in my sleep last night? That thought was quickly followed by, shit! I really needed to pee! She rolled her eyes and stood to get dressed.

He came out of the bathroom about fifteen minutes later fully dressed. She had wisely slid her pants back on but had decided she really wanted to take a nice, hot shower. "Are you okay, Sam?" she asked as he walked to his satchel to get his laptop out.

"Fine," he bit out.

"Sam…" she bit her lip.

He sighed. "Look, you were right, okay? I need to go get laid. It's that simple. I'm sorry, Ryan."

She didn't know how to handle this. She could tell something had happened, or she had done something, but she didn't know what. She could guess it had something to do with their close contact, but, really what was the big deal? He was acting a tad irrational about the whole thing, wasn't he? "I, uh, I'm sorry, Sam, for whatever I did…"

He let out a flat little laugh. "That's just it. You have no fucking clue."

For some reason, that put her back up. "Look, don't be such a girl, Sam. I'm sorry, okay? I don't know what I did! If you just tell me…"

"You're just you, okay? You're so fucking perfect and it's pissing me off!"

She blinked. "Alright…" Confuse me much, Sam?

He sighed and ran a hand through his still-wet hair. "Just, go get dressed. It's fine. It's a personal problem."

She licked her lips and nodded. "Okay. When I get out, we'll go grab some breakfast, alright? I saw an IHOP on the way in…then we can start our queries…"

"Whatever," he replied bitterly.

She picked up her bag and walked into the bathroom before she shut the door behind her. She didn't know what was going on with him, but she knew she was the cause of it.

She showered and got ready for the day quickly enough and they left to do their investigating. He was cold all day long, rarely speaking to her, and even when he did, it was with clipped answers and short questions. She knew he must have been uncomfortable with their close proximity the night before, but for the life of her she couldn't figure out why. He was like a brother to her. Nothing about Sam made her uncomfortable, not anymore. So she couldn't figure out why he was acting so weird.

Finally, later in the day, when they'd returned to the hotel room, she said, "Look, Sam, I get that whatever stick up your ass is there because of me, I just wish you'd tell me why it's there."

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Ryan…I can't, okay?"

She huffed out a sigh just as her stomach rumbled. This…chasm between them wouldn't get solved by a quick word, obviously. Maybe she could pry it out of him over a meal. "Look, I'm starving. Let's go grab some food, some booze, then we can work on this some more. Sound good?"

He nodded and gave her a half smile she noticed didn't reach is eyes. "Yeah, sounds great."

They went to a little dive a couple of blocks down the road they had heard one of the victims had frequented. They didn't think it was the place anyone had met their doom, but they were still cautious as they made their way inside. As they were ordering, Ryan noticed the waitress covertly ogling Sam, so when the woman arrived back with their beers, Ryan said, "I sure will be glad to get back to my kids, Perry."

He shot her a bitchface, but murmured, "Yeah, I bet you will, Tyler."

"You got a girlfriend yet?" she managed with a small grin as she stole the beer from the woman's tray and took a generous swig.

The bitchface intensified. "No, Tyler. Not at the moment."

Ryan shrugged. "Eh well, good looking guy like you? You're bound to find someone. You're a decent fellow. I'd vouch for ya."

"Thanks," he growled as the woman walked away with a smile in his direction. His eyes narrowed at Ryan. "Seriously?"

She smirked. "Check your napkin, hotshot."

He glanced down, where, sure enough, the woman had left her telephone number.

"She was just waiting for conformation we weren't together, slugger."

He rolled his eyes and blew out a breath. "Damn it, Ryan."

She smiled and sipped her beer.

"You do realize how long it has been since I've had sex, right?"

She shrugged. "Last time I checked, it was just like riding a bike."

"Ryan…"

The waitress came back with their food and Ryan said to her, "Listen, hun, I've got to go. Could you package mine up, let me take it with?"

The woman smiled. "Sure."

Ryan watched the chick leave and her eyebrow rose as she leaned to the side a bit to watch her walk away. "Damn. She's got a nice ass."

"Ryan…" Sam warned anew.

She focused on the bitchy man across from her and rolled her eyes. "Geez, Sam, go get a piece of ass already. I did all the work for you. If you can't seal the deal, that's your problem." She smiled as the woman hurried back toward them with a paper bag. "Look, I'm going to the room. If I see your ass back before morning? I'm going to beat you black and blue. Capiche?"

He sighed but nodded. "Fine. But I don't appreciate this, Ryan."

"You may not, but your dick just might send me flowers tomorrow."

"Jerk," he replied.

"Bitch," she smirked lovingly. She shot him a wink once more before she walked away.

Once outside, she punched the keyfob on the keys and walked to the car. She was just about to open the door when something shoved her into the door of the vehicle.

She tried to turn, but all she heard was, "Pretty, pretty princess," a hit, and then, nothing.

"Ryan? Come on, Ry. Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey."

Ryan's brows knit and she blinked awake. The face of the man hovering over her swam into focus and she gasped. "Dean?"

He smirked. "Hey, kid. Long time no see."

She struggled to a sitting position and leaned against the car, wincing as she reached up to feel a small knot on her head. "What are you…? Why are you…? You're a…"

His smirk grew as he flicked black eyes at her. "Yeah. Demon. Got the memo. But that's not all I am."

She should have been terrified, but she wasn't. This was Dean. Of course he wasn't a scary demon, right? She smiled warily. "Uh…what are you doing here?"

"Hunting a djinn. I assumed you and Sammy were, too, when I saw you in the bar."

He saw us in the bar? "Why didn't you come over?"

He shrugged. "You two looked cozy."

She opened her mouth then shut it. She rolled her eyes. "He should be getting a piece of strange right about now."

Dean chuckled and stood. He held out a hand for her and she took it, relishing the feel of his hand in hers. It was so achingly familiar, the warmth, the calloused roughness, the gentleness as his thumb ran across the back of her hand…she had to stop herself from whimpering at the contact. As it was, he smiled a knowing smile at her. "So…what's fun to do around here?"

"Besides hunt and eat crappy burgers? Nothing."

He licked his lips and her mouth went dry. "I could think of a few things we could do…"

"Dean…"

"You know you want to say 'yes', Ryan."

She debated for about a half a second. Did she want to have sex with Dean? Even though he was a demon? "Yes," she purred.

He grinned and grasped her waist, transporting her immediately to her motel room.

She let out a gasp as he shoved her onto the bed. "What the…?"

"Demon air," he growled as his mouth attacked her nipple through her shirt. "Quickest way to fly."

"Fuck, Dean," she moaned as her lower half bucked into his and one leg wrapped around his waist.

"Damn, Ryan, you're sex on legs," he moaned as he tore at her clothes, all but ripping them to shreds in his need to get to her naked flesh.

Her own hands were busy as well, unfastening his belt and his jeans to reach him. Once she had his length in her hand, his eyes rolled back in his head as he thrust a few times, letting her fuck him with her hand a moment before he grinned back down at her. "Nope," he teased on the grin as he pulled away and stood.

She licked her lips in longing as he slowly undressed. She shimmied out of what was left of her own clothing so when he finally returned to her, naked, she was lying open and ready for him.

He stalked onto the bed, his mouth trailing wet kisses from her feet all the way up to the apex of her thighs where he took one languid lick. Her fingers twisted in his hair and he huffed out a breath as his teeth nipped at her femoral artery. "You smell like Heaven, peaches," he purred.

She grasped his face and hauled him up to her. She bit his lower lip and his tongue darted into her mouth. She moaned at his flavor and sucked on his tongue until finally, he shoved her away.

She smirked as her head hit the pillow. "You taste like sin," she replied.

He grinned. "I know." His hands began moving all over her, fisting on her breasts, tickling down her sides, moving to her arms to force them above her head. He put her hands on the headboard. "Better hold on, Ryan."

She licked her lips again and nodded, grabbing the headboard for all she was worth and she screamed as he plunged into her. "Fuck!" she cried as he began his rough ministrations.

"Fuck is right," he panted as his mouth moved to her neck. She felt him bite her and she let out a whine at the sensation, knowing she would be marked come morning. And honestly? She didn't give a shit.

"Damn, you feel good," he ground out as he continued to thrust.

"So…do…you…" she whined as she felt the quickening start. She felt his hand move between them and began roughly toying with her clit and she screamed as the orgasm was ripped from her and he yelled out an oath as he came right behind her.

He fell lightly to her side and she panted out a breath. "Holy shit. I didn't know how much I needed that."

He smirked. "Little brother isn't looking out for you in that aspect? He is, after all, smaller in that department."

She rolled her eyes and punched him in the arm. "Dick. You know I don't like Sam that way. I never have. It's always been you."

He smiled. "Yeah, but I like hearing it."

"Asshole," she murmured on a yawn.

"Yep. That's me." He stretched and stood. She admired the view of his ass as he walked to the bathroom to get a towel to clean up with. He tossed it her way and she sat up to catch it.

Her brows furrowed as he started slipping on his jeans. "Leaving so soon?"

"We're hunting a djinn, Ryan," he told her and she heard the 'duh' in his tone. "Get your ass dressed and let's go hunt the damn thing."

She smiled. "You want to hunt. With me."

"Why else did I pop topside? Yes. I want to hunt. Get your shit together, woman. I do have a full-time job now, you know."

She bit her lip to stop her grin from growing any wider and scampered up to redress.

"Remind me how you know this is where the djinn is?" Ryan asked softly as they made their way into the warehouse, lamb's blood dipped silver knives in their hands.

"I'm a demon, sweetheart. We've got built in radar for things that go bump in the night."

"Why haven't you come and hunted with us more often? We could use your help."

He shrugged. "I'm busy with shit, Ryan. I can't just take vacation days."

She stopped and looked at him. "Look, Dean, there are things you need to know…"

"What? You mean like the fact you've got all my illegitimate children living with you and Sam?"

She gasped. "Wh-What?"

He shot her a look. "I'm not an idiot, Ryan. Meg filled me in. You didn't really think a demon whore would be loyal to you, did you? Of course I know. I know everything."

"Then you know why I…"

"Save it. It doesn't matter, anyway."

"But Jon…"

"Jon is a baby, right? So, you send him to dear old daddy when he gets grown up, I'll show him how to be a real demon."

Ryan shivered as his eyes flickered to black. Perhaps she had been wrong. Maybe she needed to be afraid…

He smiled. "Scared?"

"No," she tried, but her voice wavered.

He chuckled flatly. "I'm not him, Ryan. Not all demons are created equal."

"But most of them are evil," she stated, unable to help herself.

He smirked. "So we are." He held out his hand and she felt herself being pushed against a metal beam.

"Dean?"

His eyes narrowed. "Poor, stupid Ryan. You just don't get it, do you?"

"G-Get what?" she managed.

"Any of it. I'm a demon, sweetcheeks. You think I care? About you? About my brother? Please. I don't even care about those kids you have."

"Th-Then why…?"

He smiled coldly and she felt her heart stop momentarily before it began beating double time. She tried to move, but his powers were holding her immobile against the beam. He held up the knife and she felt her blood run cold as he traced it along her cheek gently, lovingly. He traced it down her neck, down between her breasts, and finally stopped at her abdomen. "Because I can," he said simply as he plunged the knife into her side.

---

Sam POV

Sam smiled a little as he made his way out of the woman, Lorene's, apartment the next morning. Maybe Ryan had been right and he just needed to blow off some steam. He sure as hell had done that. And then some. He felt immensely better, to be honest, and didn't that just irritate the hell out of him? Of course, he couldn't deny he still had feelings for Ryan, but obviously, his abstinence hadn't helped matters. He'd needed an outlet. And he had certainly gotten that a few times throughout the night. He popped his neck and walked down the stairs to where the cab was waiting. He could have hotwired a car, but it just wasn't worth it.

He yawned and had the cabbie stop at a mom and pops for some takeout breakfast before making his way back to the motel. He knocked on the door, and when Ryan didn't answer it, he opened it with his key.

Everything was just as they'd left it. Ryan didn't make beds, in fact, she was adamantly against making them, so Sam had made it the morning before, and it still had his military precision corners on it. His laptop was still sitting right where he'd left it. Nothing had been moved at all since they'd left to go grab dinner the night before.

"Ryan?" he called softly, but he knew she wasn't there. He dashed back outside and jogged the three blocks to the bar and gasped as he saw the car sitting right where they'd parked it. A closer inspection showed the keyring had been kicked under the car and the bag that held Ryan's food was spilled on the ground as well.

"Oh shit. Ryan," he murmured as he glanced around. Where could she be?

---

Ryan POV

She felt a slap and it jerked her into consciousness. "No passing out on me," Dean growled as he walked back to the table that held his weapons.

"P-Please, Dean. What do you want?" she cried, the tears now running and burning the cuts on her face.

"I just want to have a little fun, Ryan," he stated coldly. "Is that too much to ask?"

"W-We can have all the fun you want, baby," she tried, blood spilling out of her mouth. "P-Please, just…let me go. I won't tell anyone, I swear."

He laughed. "Who would you tell, anyway? Sam? Cas? Meg? No one will believe you. No one thinks dear old Dean is a bad guy. Cas worships the ground I walk on. Meg's terrified of me. With good reason. And Sammy? Well, let's be honest, Sam will be hurt when I tell him you died on the djinn case, especially since he's in love with you, but he'll have me back. Won't that be better? We all know he loves me more than he loves you."

"N-No, Dean. Don't do this."

He turned and walked back to her, this time with a knife dipped in rock salt. It would hurt. Because any time you put salt in a wound, it hurt like hell. He sliced her ribcage and she whined as the pain ran through her. He had stripped off her plaid overshirt and her wifebeater and now she was down to her jeans and bra. Her hands were tied above her head and she was all but dangling from them. She felt the ache in her shoulders and she cried out as he punched her face.

"You're so pretty when you're covered in blood, Ryan. Did you know? That color red suits you."

"I didn't know you were a fashionista," she spat at him.

His eyebrow rose before he laughed. "That's good. I'm glad to see you're getting over the pleading part of this ordeal and moving on to the righteous anger. That's always the most fun.

"You're sick! You're a sick fuck!" she yelled.

He walked closer and grabbed her face in his large hand. "Don't push me, Ryan. I can make this so much worse. I was Alistair's best apprentice."

She spit in his face. "Fuck you, you demonic son of a bitch."

His eyes narrowed as he shoved her away from him. She felt the pain in her shoulders grow as the shove threw her further off balance and her upper body took the brunt of the pain.

"See? Now you had to go and piss me off, didn't you? Do you know what I do to bitches who piss me off?"

She licked her lip and glared at him out of the one eye that could still see. "Do your worst, you evil dick. Kill me if you want to. Just know I'll come and haunt your ass for centuries."

"I'll burn your bones."

"I'll still come back."

They glared at one another and he laughed. "You know…I don't think I'll kill you. Not yet, anyway. I think you'd make one hell of a demon."

"Fuck you," she spat again.

He smiled as he ran a finger along the line of her waistband. "You know…that can be arranged."

---

Sam POV

Sam raced back to the motel room with the car and hurriedly looked over the research. They didn't know the who, but they had a decent idea of the where. The bodies had all been found along the rural section of California State Route 94. East County had quite a few suburban unincorporated communities so he didn't think the djinn would be there. However, just up Interstate 8 and down another road there was an industrial area. That would be where he would go if he were the djinn to enjoy spending time alone with his victims.

He found one factory that had been abandoned just a year ago when their owner had moved all the work overseas and he quickly gathered up what he would need and dashed out the door. I'm coming, Ryan, he thought as he dropped into the driver's seat and hauled ass out of the parking lot. I swear. I will find you.

The drive took him about thirty minutes, even speeding as fast as he could. He arrived at the building and glared at it. It seemed as though this was your basic djinn from what their research had found, but one of the victims had jelled insides, so, he wasn't sure if he was dealing with one of each of the creatures or what. Of course, that didn't matter. What mattered was the fact he found Ryan alive. He had to. It was imperative.

He tried the door and was surprised to find it unlocked. He stole into the building with his knife held aloft as he quickly looked around. He saw Ryan strapped to a steel girder but he didn't go to her, not yet. She was unconscious but she still looked to be alive. Another victim next to her, however, did not look like he was making it out.

Sam listened carefully and sure enough, heard movement. He watched as a young man walked over to Ryan. His eyes flared blue as the tattoo wound its way down his arm and he touched Ryan's wrist. He smiled evilly. "Ah, yes, your fantasy was delicious, but your nightmare…it tastes splendid."

Sam's eyes narrowed as his temper flared. "Hey! Get away from her!"

---

Ryan POV

She refused to cry. She refused to break. This…this wasn't him. This wasn't Dean. Not really. He wasn't like this. He wouldn't…

She felt another punch to her gut and she groaned.

"What's the matter?" he sing-songed. "Didn't you enjoy yourself?"

She shivered as a wind brushed her naked flesh. Blood was running down her body now, down her legs, pooling at her feet. Her whole body ached. Every inch of her had been brutalized. He had taken everything from her. There was nothing left. "This isn't you," she sobbed. "You aren't like this."

"Of course I am. I'm a demon, sweetheart. We're all evil."

She shook her head. "No. Not like this. I don't care how twisted your soul is, you wouldn't do this."

He eyed her with surprise as she realized…Dean wouldn't do this. No matter what. Dean. Would. Not. Do. This. She gasped. "This is fake. The djinn got me, didn't it? This whole thing is a dream that turned into a nightmare. You're not real. None of this is real!"

He picked up the knife again and held it to her throat. "You think this isn't real? You think I won't kill you?"

She sneered. "No."

"You're wrong," he stated flatly as he reared back and stabbed her in the heart.

"NO!" she screamed.

"Hey, I got you," Sam whispered and she felt herself being lowered to the ground.

She blinked and looked up into the face of her savior. "Sam?"

He smiled. "Yeah, I got you."

She blinked both her eyes. It was a dream. It really was a dream. All of it. She was still in her FBI clothes from the night before. There was no blood on her, well, except for where the needle had been sticking out of her arm Sam had just ripped the tubing away from. She swallowed hard as she looked around. Dean was nowhere in sight.

She licked her lips nervously. "Wh-What happened?"

Sam shrugged. "As best I can tell, you got jumped last night outside the bar. That guy," he said as he motioned to the dead djinn on the floor, "Is a combination of the two djinn breeds. Apparently his parents did a Romeo and Juliette and he was the violent offshoot. He makes…"

"He makes your fantasies come true, then your nightmares," she whispered with a shiver.

"What did you see, Ryan?"

"I…oh, Sam!" she cried as she threw her arms around his neck and sobbed. She couldn't stop it, couldn't control it.

She felt him stand as he lifted her in his arms. "Shhh, I've got you…"

"It was terrible," she managed through chattering teeth. She was suddenly so very cold and she couldn't control her shaking or her sobs.

He hugged her tightly as he carried her, bridal style, out to the car. "We need to get you back to the room. You need a hot bath and some hot food and…"

"Not that hotel room," she said suddenly. She couldn't stand the thought of being in that room, not after she dreamed of her and Dean… "Please, Sam, let's just…I can't."

His brows furrowed as he looked into her eyes. "What did you see, Ryan?"

She shook her head and laid it on his shoulder. "Please, Sam? Just…I can't."

He sighed. "Okay." He helped her into the car and drove them to a new hotel and got a room. One with double beds, she noticed as he helped her walk in. "I can go get our stuff from the other room, but you'll have to be here alone…"

She nodded. "Okay. I can. I can take a shower and be waiting for when you get back. I'm sorry."

He looked at her and she knew he had a million questions to ask, but she couldn't answer them, not yet. He kissed her forehead and she leaned into his touch, relishing the warmth for a moment before he let her go. "I'll be back in an hour, hour and a half, tops. You don't open the door for anyone and if anyone tries to get through that door that isn't me," he handed her Dean's gun. She had started carrying it recently. "You shoot that son of a bitch, okay?"

She bit the inside of her lip and nodded. "Okay," she promised softly.

His hand rand down her arm to clutch her hand for a moment before he stepped back and walked away.

She locked the knob, the deadbolt, put the chain on the door, and propped a chair against the knob for good measure before she walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower as hot as it would go. She then stripped naked and began scrubbing her body with the bar of cheap motel soap. She washed herself twice before she finally succumbed to the despair and sank to the bottom of the tub and sobbed.

An hour and ten minutes later, she was sitting criss-cross applesauce in the middle of the bed with the towel, the sheet, and two blankets wrapped around her when there was a knock on the door. "Ryan! It's Sam! Open up!" he called.

She bundled all the blankets and walked to the door, removed the chair, and unlocked everything.

He eyed her a moment before he took her bag and sat it on the bed. "Here's your stuff…"

"Thanks, Sam," she told him softly.

"Go get dressed. I got food for you."

"What?" she asked warily.

"Pizza. Supreme, no bacon, no olives, extra cheese." She opened her mouth and he added, "And yes, I got the Coke-Cola."

She smiled despite the bone-numbing terror she still felt. "Thanks," she told him again.

"Go get dressed," he ordered lightly. "I'll be right here."

She grabbed up her bag and hurried back to the bathroom.

After changing into real clothes again, she felt better, and after downing a Coke, two slices of her favorite kind of pizza, and the king sized Reese Cups he'd bought her, she felt almost human.

She sat sipping her second can of sugary goodness when he asked softly, "Do you want to talk about it?"

She sighed. She knew she'd have to. There was no getting out of it. "I was walking out of the bar. I made it to the car when I was pushed into it and knocked out. That's all I remember of the attack."

"And the dream?" he prompted.

"Do I have to?" she whined softly.

"Ryan…" he warned.

She sighed and told him. It was surprisingly easy to tell him everything, right up until Dream Dean pinned her to the beam. Then she clammed up.

His hand reached across the table to envelop hers but she jerked it away quickly. His hands…they were soft and rough, just like Dean's. He held up both hands in surrender. "Ryan, please tell me. You told me about the good part. What happened in the bad?"

She bit her lip to keep the tears from pouring out, but it didn't do a damn bit of good. "He-He pinned me to a beam and started torturing me, beating me…the whole nine."

"Did he…"

She sucked in a breath and looked away. It wasn't Dean. Dean wouldn't do that to her. She had repeated the mantra in her head a million times since she'd sank under the hot spray of the shower. Dean, even as a demon, wouldn't hurt her that way. She knew it.

"Damn it, Ryan, did he…?"

"Yes!" she cried. She stood so fast her chair tipped over. She walked to the window clutching her stomach as she fought to keep down the food she'd just eaten. "Yes, okay? He did." She turned and saw the sick look on Sam's face. "It wasn't him. He…he wouldn't do that to me, to any woman, would he? Even as a demon?"

Sam shook his head. "Of course not. Meg, Cas, they all say he's basically the same as he ever was. Not as emotional, not as worn down by life and all the shit that comes along with it. He's stressed. He tortures demons that need torturing, Meg said, but, no. He'd never…" Sam seemed as unable to say the word as Ryan was.

She sucked in a breath and swallowed hard. "Good. I didn't…I didn't think so. It was a nightmare, right? That's all, basically."

"Ryan…"

She shook her head. "Don't, Sam, okay? I'm fine. It was tough, but I'm fine. Promise."

He didn't seem convinced, and honestly? Neither was she. "Was this guy working alone?" she asked to distract him.

"I'm pretty sure, yes."

She nodded. "Okay. Good. Let's stay tonight, because I'm sure we're both tired, but then, tomorrow, I want to leave. I want to see my kids. I need…I need to be surrounded by their innocence, Sam."

He nodded. "Sure, Ryan. Anything for you."

She sucked in a breath. She would be fine. It was just a little nightmare, right? Nothing more. Nothing less.

---

April Twenty-Fourth

Castiel POV

Cas landed lithely in the back alley of the diner he and Dean frequented for their next meeting. Dean had canceled their last one and he was a tad concerned. So, when he saw Meg sitting in Dean's usual spot, drinking a large milkshake, his concern only grew. "Meg?"

She smiled. "Hey, Clarence. How's life?"

"I am not technically alive. Neither are you. What are you doing?"

"Can't a girl come up and see an old friend?"

Castiel sat across from her and looked at her closely. "I did not realize we were friends, Meg."

She blinked, nonplussed. "Well, if we aren't friends, then, what are we?"

"I do not know," he stated. "But I can see the benefits to being friends."

"And I can see being friends with benefits," she crooned as her foot ran up his leg, causing him to jump.

"Meg. I am not interested in your flirtations."

"Is this because I'm a demon?"

He sighed. "Truthfully? No. It does not matter."

"Then what's the hold up? I'd love to have a slice of angel food cake."

He sat up straighter. "I am not in the right capacity for such dalliances," he began uncomfortably.

Her brows furrowed. "Having issues with the plumbing?"

He blinked, fairly certain she was talking about his penis. "No. I am…fully functional, Meg."

She cackled. "Really? Well, that's good to know. For a minute, I was worried your meat suit was only your outer shell. You really are a dude, aren't you?"

"We are celestial beings. We are not assigned a gender."

She rolled her eyes. "You mean to tell me if your meat suit was a chick, you'd be comfortable?"

He felt his cheeks heat. "Not necessarily."

She sat back and crossed her arms as she looked at him, reading him, and he shied away slightly at such close inspection. "Well. Look at you. Getting some ass, I see. Who's the lucky girl?"

"None of your concern!" he snapped. He would protect Victoria at all costs.

Her eyebrows shot up. "Wow. He likes her. He really likes her. Come on, Cas, you know I won't hurt her."

"Is there a reason why you are here instead of Dean, Meg?"

She blew out a breath. "Yeah. I might have done something bad. But then, it might be something good."

"Care to elaborate?"

"I sold out Raeburn to Dean. He's the douche that hurt Ryan when she was a kid."

Castiel smiled. "You care for the human."

"Don't get all flowery on me, Cas. I just…don't think she's a waste of space. And I still say Dean's got a thing for her."

He knew it to be true, and Meg had alluded to the fact on occasion, but this time, he point-blank asked her, "You believe Dean still cares for her?"

"He holds her on a damn pedestal. That much is for sure." She cleared her throat. "Look, Ryan told me the demon's name. I told Dean. Dean's been torturing the asshole. Only thing is…he didn't pick Ryan at random."

"What do you mean?"

She took a generous sip of her milkshake. "Turns out Azazel put out a hit on her."

"A…hit?"

She nodded. "See, her mom was friends with Mary Winchester."

"We already knew that."

Her eyebrow rose and she sucked the bottom of the milkshake until it made a horrid sucking sound. She pulled away from the straw and said, "Aaaaahhh, delicious."

"Meg."

She held up a hand. "Alright, alright. So, it wasn't just because her mommy was friends with Sam and Dean's mommy. It was because there are prophecies."

Castiel sighed. "Yes, we are aware of the prophecy regarding Dean. Has he figured out they involve Ryan as well?"

Her eyes narrowed. "What are you talking about?"

"The prophecies about the righteous man."

She shook her head slowly. "Noooo, I'm talking about the prophecies about the Goddess of Heaven and Hell."

It was Castiel's turn to look surprised. "What?"

Meg sighed. "Did you ever hear about the Hell prophecies? We have a few. They were told at our not-Sunday school. One of them was about the Goddess. She was to bear the one true king of Hell. Word is, she was killed because Lucifer said she was the one."

"How would he know?"

She shrugged. "How the hell am I supposed to know? He was locked in Hell for eternity. But the man, angel, whatever he is, knows shit. And he bet money on the fact it was Ryan Fawcett. Fast forward a few years, he told Azazel to protect her. Azazel wanted one of his blood babies to be the king, defied our leader, and tried to have her killed." She paused. "And, obviously, she's got to be a Winchester because you can't kill her. It doesn't stick."

Castiel's brows knit and he looked at the wear pattern in the table as he thought. He would need to find out as much about these prophecies as possible. "What happens then?"

She smiled. "If I told you the ending, you couldn't enjoy the story."

His eyes narrowed. "Damn it, Meg."

She smirked. "Cas, Cas, Cas, don't worry. Dean's on it. He doesn't want to be usurped. Trust me. Everything will be fine."

Cas wasn't certain about that. "Meg, I need you to find out everything you can for me about this prophecy…"

She shook her head. "Nope. I'm not going to do it. You go down there and talk to Dean or your brothers. I'm out. I just came up here to warn you."

"Meg…" he warned.

She shook her head. "Not gonna happen, Cas. I value my life too much for that. I told you what I know. I'll try to find out more, but that's it. I'm free and clear."

He sighed. "Fine. I will look into it myself. Thank you for giving me what information you have."

She stood and looked at him. "You happy, Cas?"

"I am. Are you, Meg?"

She smiled. "You know what? I think I am. I love my job, my boss isn't too big of a dick, and for once in my recent life, I'm not on the lamb or on the rack. Yeah, I'm pretty damned happy."

"Good. I am glad."

She bent and kissed his cheek. "Take care, Clarence. I'll find you later." She walked out and he watched her disappear into the late afternoon sun.

He leaned forward, and in a rather humanly gesture, put his head in his hands. He was still sitting there a few moments later when the waitress came up. "Everything okay?"

He looked up at her and sighed. "Do you ever get the feeling life just enjoys throwing you curveballs?"

The woman smiled. "Every day of my life."

He sighed and stood. "Thank you, Charlotte, for your service. We will be back another day, I am certain."

She smiled at him genially before she walked away. He tossed some money onto the table and walked out.

He quickly disappeared and reappeared at the bunker. "Sam, I must speak to you and Ryan urgently. Where is she?"

Sam didn't even blink in surprise at Castiel's sudden appearance. He was sitting, doing some research on his computer. "She's at home. I told her to take the day off. It's her birthday. She's just relaxing by herself. What's up?"

"Come. We must go."

Sam stood. "Cas, man, you're scaring me."

He reached out to touch Sam, but Sam shied away. "Wait. We can't go popping in on Ryan."

"Why? I have done it before."

Sam winced. "Recently she's had…she's having nightmares."

"About what?"

Sam sighed. "Sit down a minute. Let me tell you what happened on our last hunt…"

Castiel sat and listened as Sam told him about the djinn and the nightmare she had before she awoke. His brows knit. "You mean to say, she has been repeatedly having nightmares of Dean hurting her in such a way?"

Sam shrugged. "He is a demon, Cas."

"But he would never…I have never seen him do such a despicable act. Even when he almost killed me and tried to make you drink his blood…"

Sam winced. "Well, Cas, technically, if he had made me drink his blood, it's kind of the same thing."

Castiel's brows knit. "I do not understand. Sexual violation is worse, is it not?"

Sam shook his head. "Cas, you've got to realize…it's different, but it's the same. That loss of dominion over your own body…" He closed his eyes and sighed before he looked at Cas again. "It's why I have such a problem with demons possessing people in the first place. At least with angels, you have to ask permission first. Hell, even Lucifer asked permission, which I gave because I'm a dumbass, but all those other times, like Gadreel, Meg, when she possessed me, Crowley, all these times the power over myself was taken away, well, it's no better than rape, Cas."

Castiel sat still a few moments deep in thought. It had never truly occurred to him. Surely, it was horrible to be possessed, but to have every bit of power taken from you, to be lorded over in your own body, he supposed it must be quite horrible.

"Even what April did to you, Cas. She took advantage of you that night before she tried to kill you. And she took advantage of the poor girl she was riding, too. There were two victims that night, man. And I completely get why Ryan's freaking out why she is. She loves Dean with every damn fiber of her being. She wants to be with him so fucking bad, she can't see…" he closed his eyes and sighed anew. "Anyway, she's screwed up a little bit. SO, I don't want us popping in and scaring the shit out of her. Got it?"

Cas nodded in understanding. Sam had, as usual, given him quite a lot to think about. "Sam…when you were with Ruby, she gained a body that had been vacated, correct?"

Sam nodded hesitantly.

"And Hope, as well as Gabriel, they have taken possession of bodies that were not occupied at the time, due to their arrival at conception."

Again, Sam nodded.

"Is what we are doing, as angels, wrong?"

Sam opened his mouth and then closed it again before he blew a breath out of his nose. "I don't know, man. I mean, you're asking permission, but once you take over, you take over. Even what we do…killing demons and angels when they're in host bodies…it's wrong. We know that. Dean and I…we lost sight of that for a while. I'm starting to get it." He shrugged. "Now, it doesn't matter for you. Jimmy died when Lucifer killed you, right?"

Castiel nodded. "Yes. He did."

"See? You're fine. The others…" Sam paused. "Ryan willingly let Gabriel in. He stayed in the background and just lived within her until he was ready to move on. I have to admit, I can't stand the douche, but he did right by her and he is again. Same with Hope."

Cas sighed. "You have given me much to think about, Sam, as per usual."

Sam smiled and stood. "Come on. We can go. Just…let's take the car, okay? No need to freak her out."

Cas nodded. "Very well." He followed Sam down to the garage and rode with him in his car to their house. They sat in companionable silence for most of the trip. "Where is everyone?" Castiel asked finally.

"School for the five oldest, but Jon is hanging out with Tory." Sam smiled. "Didn't you know?"

Cas just looked at Sam. "What do you mean?"

Sam shot him a grin. "Come on, Cas. We all know about you and Tory."

Castiel smiled slightly. "She is quite a woman, Sam."

Sam chuckled. "You won't hear any doubts from me. I'm glad Ryan's got a good female friend. She's still hurt her other friend, Andy something, won't talk to her. I'm pretty sure I'm the reason for that, I'm just not sure why and Ryan, as usual, won't talk to me about it."

"She is often quiet about her personal things, isn't she?"

Sam shrugged as he turned into the driveway. "Well, she's allowed to have personal stuff, I just wish she would let me in on occasion."

"She sounds suspiciously like someone else we know," Cas commented offhandedly as he got out of the car.

Sam sighed and nodded. "Yeah, unfortunately she and Dean are a lot alike."

They walked onto the porch and Castiel grasped Sam's arm. "Wait, just a moment."

Sam's eyes widened. "Is she okay?"

Cas nodded. "She is fine, but she is…she's singing. I believe she is…in the zone…isn't that what she calls it?"

Sam nodded.

Cas furrowed his brows as he listened to Ryan's voice over the sound of the singer. He could easily hear the hurt and pain etching the words as she sang along with the song;

It's gonna take a long time to love

It's gonna take a lot to hold on

It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah

Left in the pieces that you broke me into

Torn apart but now I've got to

Keep on rolling like a stone

Cause it's gonna be a long, long way to happy

He heard her sobbing and felt an odd sensation to comfort her. The song went off but immediately started over again.

One night to you

Lasted six weeks for me

Just a bitter little pill now

Just to try to go to sleep

No more waking up to innocence

Say hello to hesitance

To everyone I meet

Thanks to you years ago

I guess I'll never know

What love means to me but oh

I'll keep on rolling down this road

But I've got a bad, bad feeling

Castiel sighed. "She is quite…depressed, Sam. I did not know…"

Sam blew out a breath. "She's getting worse. She keeps bringing up the demons that attacked her. She still hasn't told me everything that happened that night. I did manage to get her drunk enough to admit she had told Dean everything, though."

"She has told Meg, too," Cas commented offhandedly as Ryan's soft voice began another verse;

Left my childhood behind

In a roll away bed

Everything was so damn simple

Now I'm losing my head

Trying to cover up the damage

And pad out all the bruises

Too young to know I had it

So it didn't hurt to lose it

Didn't hurt to lose it

No but oh

I'll keep on rolling down this road

But I've got a bad, bad feeling

Castiel could feel the waves of depression coming from the house and physically gasped as she sang the words;

I just want to thank you

Thank you

From the bottom of my heart of my heart

For all the sleepless nights

And for tearing me apart yeah, yeah

Castiel cringed. "Sam. I have to help her."

"How?"

"I can erase her memory of this, Sam."

Sam shook his head. "No, Cas. You can't do that. You didn't agree with Dean when you altered Ben and Lisa's memories. That's why you had the wipe only last temporarily. To take this from her…"

"But, Sam, she is hurting. I can feel it…"

"It isn't your place, Cas. We just have to let her know we're here for her."

"I could…"

"She wouldn't be dealing with it if you took it away, Cas. She's got to get past it and move on, no matter how much it hurts."

Cas sighed. "I do not like feeling this helpless, Sam."

"Welcome to the wonderful world of human emotions, man." Sam pulled out his phone and texted her. At the gaze Cas sent him, Sam smiled sadly. "I told her to turn the music down, we're on the front porch."

Cas cocked his head to the side a moment before his eyes widened. "You are giving her a moment to collect herself in the off chance she does not wish to discuss her depression."

Sam nodded. "You're learning, Cas."

"I can be taught, Sam," Cas stated bitterly.

Sam held up both hands. "No offense."

Castiel sighed. "I have learned, too, if someone says 'no offense' they usually mean it quite offensively."

Ryan laughed as she opened the door. "Well, you aren't wrong, Cas."

Castiel could see her puffy eyes, slightly red nose, and could still all but smell her salty tears in the air but she was covering it well. She was dressed in her usual attire of denim and a tank top. She did not wear long sleeves unless she was going hunting. Her scars and tattoos were on proud display. This part of herself, at least, she had embraced. Dean had helped her in that respect.

"Ryan. How are you?"

"I'm alive," she stated flatly as she held open the door for Cas and Sam to come in. The house smelled of the cleaner with the bald man on it. It was a pleasant enough odor.

"Ryan, you're supposed to be chilling out, not cleaning the house. It's your birthday," Sam admonished.

She shrugged and sniffed. "I was chilling out to the music."

"Yes, a happy birthday is in order, isn't it?" Cas stated. "Happy birthday, Ryan."

She smiled but even he could see it didn't reach her eyes. "Thanks, Cas. Say, I know you don't eat, but a whole bunch of us are going out tonight for dinner…"

He nodded. "Yes. Victoria told me a few days ago." Ryan's lip twitched as she fought back a smile and Cas rubbed the back of his neck. "I suppose you, too, know of mine and Tory's…dalliances?"

She snorted. "Cas, hon, no offense, but I knew the day after you did the frick-frack that first time. Tory tells me everything." She paused, then added, "Even the things I don't want to know."

Castiel felt his cheeks grow warm. He would need to have words with his human lover. She was not to discuss that, was she? "Yes, well…"

Sam gave him a look. "You had something to tell us?"

Cas nodded. "Yes. I have news from Hell." He immediately regretted his choice of words as soon as he saw Ryan stiffen. "It is not bad, or particularly good, either, but it does not concern their king, should that be your concern, Ryan."

She shot daggers at Sam. "You told Cas?!"

"Of course I told Cas! I'm worried about you, Ryan!"

"I'm fine! Damn it!" She began pacing about the room, running her fingers through her tangled mane, pulling it out of the fastener that was containing it and putting it back up. "I just wish you'd…"

"What? Let it go? No chance, Ryan. We care about you."

"I'm fine, Sam!"

"Your tone and your body language suggests otherwise," Castiel stated softly.

She stopped in front of him and just looked at him a moment before she chuckled softly and pulled him to her for a hug. He had gotten used to hugs by now and thoroughly enjoyed wrapping his arms around her as hers circled his waist. "I am sorry you are having problems, Ryan. I could relieve you of your memories if that would be helpful…"

She pulled away and wiped her eyes. She sniffed and shook her head. "No. I…I know it's all in my head. I know the truth. De-" Her voice broke and she cleared her throat. "Dean would never hurt me, or anyone else like that. I know that. It's just…I don't know him anymore. It makes things complicated and screwy in my head, you know?"

He was not certain he did know, but he could understand, from a human point of view. "You are in love with Dean. He is your soul's mate. Of course it would hurt you to think of him…in that capacity. But you do not know him as a demon. I do. And I can assure you, in this aspect, he has not changed."

"You swear it?" she whispered.

He hugged her tightly once again. "I swear it on my Father, Ryan." Castiel might not be human, he might not be capable of understanding the whole human spectrum of feelings, but he knew, from speaking to Dean, his friend also felt the connection to Ryan, though he might not realize it. Dean wanted to protect his soul mate, demon or no.

Ryan stepped away from Cas and laughed lightly as she wiped her eyes on the bottom of her shirt. "Well, shit, it ain't my birthday if I'm not crying, right?"

Sam gave her a one-armed hug and they all sat down. "So, Cas," she began, "Now that I've bared my soul to you yet again, what business did you have with us?"

He wasn't quite sure where to start. He hadn't had time to investigate. He knew he should have, but he wanted Sam and Ryan to be made aware of these new findings as soon as possible. "I have just spoken to Meg and she informs me of one of the demons she has been torturing…" He did not want to tell Ryan of the fact it was Dean torturing the demons, not when her emotions were so raw. "She has broken two of them and they have information regarding prophecies."

"Jon?" Sam asked.

Castiel nodded. "I believe so, yes. Unfortunately, it also involves you, Ryan."

She blinked. "Me? What? Why?"

"Because you are Jon's mother. Meg said something about the Goddess of Heaven and Hell."

At that, Ryan scoffed. "Goddess? Surely you're confused."

"She didn't know, it was second hand information at best. I believe I must delve deeper into these prophecies and find out some information."

"How?"

"I must go to the source of the information."

"Which is…where?" Ryan wanted to know.

Cas winced. "I believe it is with my brothers in the cage."

"In Hell?!" Sam exclaimed.

Cas nodded. "Yes. Lucifer would, of course, know it, since he was the one that told Azazel of you, Ryan."

Her brows knit and Sam said, "Azazel. The yellow eyed demon? The one that killed my mother?"

Castiel nodded. "He also put the hit out on Ryan. From what Meg said, the one true king will rule Hell for eternity. She had heard things about the king for quite some time. She was not in charge of this part of Azazel's plan, though, she was working to destroy you Winchesters."

"That's all well and good, but what does any of this have to do with me? Even if Jon is the king, I'm just his mother. I'm nothing special."

"I believe the prophecies say something different, entirely."

She cast her eyes heavenward and sighed. "Great. Just…fabulous. I swear, I'm doomed no matter what I do." She stood and began pacing. "Soul mate to the current king demon, mother of the one true king of Hell…I can't win."

"Ryan, there's no sense in getting upset about this now. We can't do a damn thing about it…" Sam began as he stood and walked to her.

She stopped before the window and looked out. "I just…I wanted…I mean, I knew I wouldn't get a normal life, but this…it's a lot to take in, you know?"

Sam tried to reach out and touch her but she shrugged off his hand. "Look, can I have a few minutes? I mean, okay, Cas, we've got to figure out what the hell all of this means, right? And we won't figure it out today. Just…ya'll give me a little time to myself, let me rationalize this out." She walked to the entryway where her purse sat and grabbed up her keys. "I'm going out. I'll be back in time to get dressed and ready for the party tonight."

"Ryan…" Sam started.

She shook her head. "Sammy, please, just…give me some space, alright?"

He looked at her longingly but sighed and nodded. "Okay. But if you're not home by four, I'm coming and finding you."

A small smile graced her features. "I'll be back, I promise." She walked out the door and a few moments later, they heard the loud engine of her car.

Castiel glanced at Sam, who looked defeated. "Is this prophecy crap legit, Cas? What does it all mean?"

"I do not know, Sam. And I dislike not knowing. I promise, I will find out what this means for Ryan. For everyone."

---

Ryan POV

She drove straight to the bunker. She was tired of going around everyone else to get information. She was going straight to the source. She walked to the dungeon, gathered all the materials for the summoning spell and called Meg.

The demon appeared behind Ryan, just outside the iron devil's trap. Ryan turned just in time to see Meg smirk. "You know these don't work on me, right? Forget the fact that I'm a knight of hell, I know a spell or two."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Sam informed me about your knowledge of how to break devil's traps. I'm surprised you didn't share it with anyone."

Meg smirked. "I like keeping a few secrets to myself. Was there a need to summon me? You could always talk to big daddy demon."

Ryan cringed and shook her head. "I know. And you're right, I could go to Dean, but…" She shook her head again. "I can't talk to him, not right now. I wanted to talk to you and this seemed like the place to do it. Privacy, you know."

Meg looked around at the chains on the walls and grinned. "I like your torture chamber, Ryan. But I'm guessing you haven't used it much, personally."

"No. This was Crowley's room for a while."

Meg's smile grew. "Ahhh, so this was where the would-be king was held captive. Interesting."

Ryan gathered her thoughts and let Meg peruse the room a moment before she finally spoke; "What did you tell Cas about these prophecies?"

Meg shrugged. "I've heard of them for years. Dad, Azazel," she clarified at Ryan's quizzical look. "He liked for us to call him 'Dad'. He had a few fetishes. Anyway, he would go on and on about them. He was excited about it…right up until The Master wanted you alive. Then, Azazel backed out. I was busy with my own stuff, he had me on special tasks. I didn't know anything about killing you at the time."

"Would it have made any difference?"

"Truthfully? No."

Ryan chuckled flatly. "Thanks for your honesty."

"Hey, I don't want to kill you now, though, Ryan. I…I've got a vested interest in you."

"Vested…because of the kid?"

Meg nodded. "I know he's part demon, Ryan. You said he was tied up in heavenly prophecies, well, we've got some of our own from our master."

"Lucifer."

Meg nodded again. "You got it. He's always called the shots. He's just biding his time."

"But don't you see what Dean is doing is better than what Lucifer would have done?"

Meg paused a moment before she shrugged. "At this point in time, I don't know. I mean, I know what Crowley goes on and on about how we would all be toast, but I don't think so. I think life would have been fine, for everyone. No one knew Lucifer's vision for the future."

"And now, no one will," Ryan shot back.

Meg inclined her head. "Too true."

"So…what does this have to do with me?"

"I really don't know. But I know someone who does."

"Who?"

"Think really, really hard…"

"I am not going to see Dean."

Meg smiled. "Not that I wouldn't love to see the fireworks when you two were in a room together, but I was thinking…bigger."

Ryan's brows furrowed before her eyes widened. "Lucifer?! You want me to go see Lucifer?"

Meg nodded. "I can take you to him."

"How? Why?"

Meg thought a moment with her fingertip on her chin. "Call it curiosity. I'm loyal to Dean, don't get me wrong, but I want to know what's going to happen, make sure I'm backing the right horse."

Ryan just looked at her in bewilderment. "You do know he'll kill you if he thinks you're double crossing him. Dean doesn't take betrayal well."

"Takes one to know one," Meg shot back. Ryan glared at her and Meg sighed. "Besides, who's betraying him? I'm just…keeping my options open."

"And if you had lived to see Abaddon vying for the throne?"

Meg grinned. "Oh, she's one bad ass bitch I surely would have followed, if only to usurp that utter dick, Crowley. But, I respect Dean. He's never tried to be anything other than just exactly what he is; a hunter with demon juice. He's doing right by everyone, though, I have to hand it to him. He's one hundred percent unselfish when it comes to Hell. He's a really good ruler. Almost too nice, but, well, what can you say? He's not as demonized as I am, as Crowley was, as all those evil sons of bitches are down there. And he's got an angel sitting on his shoulder. It makes a difference."

Before she could stop herself, Ryan asked, "Is he a good guy? Really?"

Meg just looked at her. "Hello? Do you not know Dean Winchester? He may be the biggest bastard on campus, but he sure as hell isn't the meanest. Though, Bob, Dan, and Raeburn might have something else to say about that…he's having a hell of a time torturing those little assholes."

Ryan blanched. "Raeburn? Dean…is torturing Raeburn?"

Meg's smirk was back. "Yeah, well, after you told me a little of your story, figured the boss man would like to take it out of Rae's ass. He did. Well, he's starting to. He just got to working on Raeburn. That's where I heard the renewed talks about the prophecies…his little minions."

"Meg…"

"It's keeping him sharp," Meg stated offhandedly. "And it's keeping him calmer everywhere else, too. He's enjoying it and you know you want that bastard to pay…"

"Yeah, but…" Ryan bit her lip in thought. If Dean were torturing anything, wouldn't that make him more dangerous? More demon-like? "Is that good for him, Dean I mean? Torturing demons…"

"If he's keeping that part of him sated by torturing demons, it's keeping his other parts more human."

"How do you know?"

Meg shrugged again as she propped herself up against the wall. "He may not want to admit it, but I know him. We were enemies for years before Crowley was in the picture. I chose my side when I chose Lucifer. My side lost, but I still respected Sam and Dean. They did their job spectacularly. They don't fail. In the end, siding with them killed me, but they didn't fail. You can't hate them for that."

Ryan was still uncertain.

Meg eyed her speculatively. "Look, Dean promised your safety, yours and Sam's and the kids. He doesn't know about you and the kids, but he promised to protect you. No matter what. Even if you left Sam."

He promised to protect you. No matter what. She felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders as she leaned against the wall to support her as she felt the shift within her. It was as if that was all she needed, the conformation of Dean's compassion, his caring of humans, of her, specifically. He might not love her, but he cared enough to know she was scared of demons, to know she needed protecting…it made her warm inside. But that other part…"Sam and I aren't together," Ryan stated tiredly. "And furthermore, I'm getting tired of repeating myself."

Meg smirked. "See? It makes a difference because Dean doesn't know that. He thinks you hopped from him to Sam. And really? I get it. Sam's…sweet. Why wouldn't you fall for Sam?"

"Because I'm in love with Dean," Ryan stated simply. That part of her would never die out. She loved Dean with every fiber of her being, even if she continued having nightmares, she still loved him. She had begun to wonder if it was some sort of new mental illness. Or maybe she'd always had it. "Even if I'm never with him again…I can't cheat on him. It's fundamental. It's imperative that you get that, Meg."

Meg held out both her hands in surrender. "I get it, Ryan, I really do. And it's…it's nice, alright? He's lucky and he doesn't even know it."

It was Ryan's turn to smirk. "Okay, don't go getting dewy on me, Meg. This ain't a chick flick."

Meg snorted. "Alright then." She stepped closer to Ryan. "So, you want to hop on the crazy train to Hell or what? I've got stuff to do."

Though she was in love with him, she couldn't see him. Not yet, in any case. She still wasn't sure about anything to do with any of these prophecies. Until she was, she couldn't see him. "We won't see Dean, will we?"

"We shouldn't. He's…otherwise occupied."

Ryan shivered and surprisingly, Meg put a hand on her arm. "I swear your safety, Ryan. You're a human, going to Hell. It's going to be complicated."

"I've got to get back before four or Sam will flip his shit."

Meg laughed. "Don't worry. I'll take care of it."

Ryan eyed her momentarily. "You sure about this?"

"Nope. But what the hell, right? Got to die of something, don't ya?"

Ryan sucked in a breath and nodded. "Okay. Let's do it."

Meg smiled, grasped Ryan's arm, and they disappeared, reappearing in an alley. Ryan blinked as the dizziness swam over her. "Fucking hell! Warn a girl, Meg!"

"Oops," Meg giggled. "Sorry. Okay, so, we have to go through Purgatory to get there, to the back door for the humans."

Ryan wrenched herself away from Meg. "Wait. What?"

"This is the back door. Crowley didn't even know about it until a little while ago. The dumbass. So, we'll take a detour then we'll pop downstairs. You have to stick with me, though, or you'll get lost. I know the way now." When Ryan continued to shoot her a look of distrust, Meg added, "I had a friend show me. Dean wanted us to find the back door so we'd know."

"A friend?"

"A rogue reaper. They know all the ways into everywhere."

"What about getting back home?"

"Oh, that one's on you. But I'll show you the way." Meg grabbed her hand and the two started walking toward the graffiti covered door in the equally graffiti covered wall.

Ryan watched in fascination as the walls looked as though they were moving. Suddenly the door became encased in bright white light that spread out to encompass them. Ryan felt a sucking sensation that ended almost as soon as it began and she found herself standing next to Meg in a forest.

Ryan gazed around in awe. "Purgatory?"

Meg nodded. "And we need to beat feet to get the hell out of here."

Ryan glanced around and saw what looked to be a vampire coming toward them. "You won't hear any arguments from me," she muttered as she ran behind Meg. The demon's legs were shorter than hers, and Meg had to hurry to keep up as Ryan ran. "Where do we go?"

"Follow the river!" Meg shouted from just a little bit behind her.

"You could have warned me we were coming to Purgatory! I could have brought my machete!"

"Sue me! I live in the moment!"

"You're an ass!" Ryan shot back.

Meg grinned and remained quiet as they ran. Suddenly, they were jumped as something landed on them from the trees. Ryan shrieked as she scrambled to her feet. She had her knife on her, which she usually kept at the ready, but who she wouldn't kill for a machete…

Meg began using her powers on the werewolves as Ryan began slicing and dicing. She wished fervently for her gun, which she kept stocked with silver bullets, but she had been cleaning the house. She didn't need weapons on her. Ryan managed to stab the one werewolf in the heart and quickly turned to the second one as two attacked Meg.

Just then, a vampire came barreling at them. "Fuck you, Meg, this is a shitty way to celebrate my birthday!"

To Ryan's surprise, the vampire lunged for the werewolves and tore one's head completely off and grabbed one from behind as Ryan plunged a knife into its heart.

The vampire narrowed his eyes and retracted his fangs as he held up both hands when Ryan picked up one of the weapons that had fallen out of the werewolf's hand. It would be easy enough to slice the thing's head off with. "Alright, sugar, just…don't go gettin' crazy on me…"

She blinked and stood out of her fighting stance. "Benny?"

His eyebrow went up. "Well, now, what's a little girl hunter doin' knowing my name?"

She gasped and dropped the blade before she grabbed him in a hug. "Benny! I can't believe I'm finally meeting you!"

Benny hugged her back but pulled her away quickly enough. "Not that I don't appreciate any bit of tender lovin' care I can get, but who are you?"

She smiled. "Ryan. I'm Ryan. I'm Dean's…" she stopped. What the hell was she to Dean?"

"She's Dean's baby mama," Meg said on a snort as she picked up another discarded weapon and tested its weight. "She's the mother of the boy king of Hell. And a whole ton of other shit, apparently."

Benny's brows furrowed. "What's that demon going on about?"

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Never mind. It's not important. But I do know you, from Dean."

"He talks about me, huh?" The vampire looked a tiny bit touched by the thought.

She shook her head. "Not exactly. But I do know of you, from Dean. It's…complicated."

Benny laughed. "That boy does everything complicated. He doing alright?"

Ryan winced. "Again, complicated."

"Sure! He's doing great! He's the king of Hell and he's torturing demons and he's having an awesome time!" Meg exclaimed, her tone full of sarcasm.

"King of Hell?"

Ryan shot Meg a glare, but gave Benny an extremely abridged version of what had been happening to Dean since Benny saw him last and Benny let out a low whistle. "Damn. Dumbass never knew when to quit."

Ryan smiled. "No, he sure doesn't. You know, he never gave up hope you'd want to come back. I know where your body is buried, Benny. I could…"

"Nah, I'm a monster. Ain't nowhere for me to be but here. I tried it out there, couldn't hack it. The thirst…"

She swallowed hard. She still remembered that thirst when she had been a vampire, even if she had never acted on it. "I have an inkling about how you felt." At his look, she continued; "I was turned. Dean and Sam saved my life."

"That how he got to know you?"

Ryan shook her head. "No, Dean and I go way back, all the way back to our births, actually. Our mothers were friends. We lost touch, found one another, I got possessed, he excised it, it just kind of snowballed."

"And now you've got a young'un. Beat that with a stick. I bet Dean's over the moon."

"Oh, he doesn't know," Meg piped up.

"Meg, would you shut the fuck up? Seriously!" Ryan growled.

Meg just shrugged.

"He don't know? Girl, what are you tryin' to pull?"

Ryan sighed. "It's a big old mess, Benny. I've got three kids. They're all Dean's."

"They're…all Dean's?" Benny asked, shocked.

Meg nodded for her. "Yep. One is a demon, one is an angel and one is a vampire."

"You got a demon kid, a vampire kid and an angel kid?"

"Human/Vampire hybrid, actually," Ryan stated offhandedly, careful not to mention the angel part of Bobby. Only a select few knew about that, and Meg was not one of them. "I'm still not sure what he's going to be. Again, complicated."

Benny whistled again softly. "You're telling me." He led them to the spot where three trees met as one. "Here's the back-door. If ya'll don't mind, I'll wait right here, help you when you come back, okay?"

Ryan smiled at him. "Thanks, Benny. I'd really appreciate it. The return trip is all by my lonesome." Meg pulled the rock out of the way and the two ducked into the tunnel and Ryan felt herself sucked into it.

She appeared in a dark corridor. "Do you know where we are?" Ryan whispered.

Meg chuckled. "Yep. We're in Hell."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "No shit, Sherlock. Do you know where in Hell we are?"

Meg nodded. "Follow me. I can take you down to the cage, but I'm not going in."

"Why?"

Meg looked at her like she was crazy. "Are you kidding? There are two angels fighting in that cage. You really think I want in? You're nuts. No thank you."

"But…"

"If you're important to Lucifer, he'll let you live," Meg told her simply as she began walking down the corridor.

Ryan sucked in a breath. "That makes me feel loads better," she muttered, but she followed Meg down a few different corridors meeting a few people here and there before surprisingly, they got on an elevator. They were alone as they were lowered down to God only knew where and Ryan asked, "Those people that we passed…in the corridors, in the chambers…"

"They're all souls or demons."

"But…they look like people."

Meg shrugged. "They manifest to look like bodies. Makes torturing them easier. It's hard to torture smoke, Ryan."

Ryan shook her head, determined not to think about it. The elevator dinged and Meg gave Ryan a little shove out the door. "When you're ready, punch the button marked "T" and it will bring you up to me."

"But…what if I see Dean?"

Meg shrugged. "Then I hope I'm there to watch the fireworks."

Ryan narrowed her eyes at the little demon, who gave her a finger wave and let the doors to the elevator shut. Ryan turned and sucked in a breath as she slowly made her way down the corridor.

She heard two distinct voices talking, arguing, actually, and she smiled at the banter. Here were two of the world's most powerful angels and they were bickering about the best song from the Nineteen Seventies.

"It is decidedly 'Bridge Over Troubled Water' by Simon and Garfunkel," one of them stated.

"Brother, you are delusional. It is quite obvious the best song from the Nineteen Seventies is 'American Pie' by Don McLean," the other retorted.

She wondered where they had gotten their pop culture references when she suddenly heard "It's a Long Way to the Top (If You Wanna Rock and Roll)" by AC/DC start up from some speakers hanging on the walls. She smiled despite herself. "Nice to know you still has the same taste in music, sweetheart, even if you are a demon," she muttered. Dean had obviously decided to school all of Hell in his music. Sam, you'd get a kick out of this one.

"You're both wrong," she spoke aloud as she walked up, putting every bit of bravado she had on in hopes of making it out of this meeting alive. "While each of those songs are great, the best song is clearly 'Hotel California' by The Eagles."

She heard them both moving quickly toward her. "Well, well, well, look who it is, I was wondering when I would get to meet you, little queen."

Ryan's eyebrow popped up. "I'm guessing I know who you are then, Lucifer."

He bowed to her. "Your Highness."

She rolled her eyes. "Flattery will get you nowhere."

Michael chuckled. "Yes, she is perfect for Dean. I had no idea."

She threw up her arms in exasperation. "Seriously? Does everyone know I'm Dean's except him?"

"Yes," the two angels chorused.

She sighed. "So, you know why I'm here?"

"I assume it is because of the prophecies?" Lucifer inquired softly.

She peered through the bars of the cage and looked at him. Lucifer had manifested as a rather ordinary looking man with sandy blond hair. Michael looked younger, though Gabriel had always talked as if he were the 'oldest', with jet black hair and soft green eyes. "Who are ya'll supposed to be dressed as for Halloween?" she wondered aloud.

Surprisingly, they both chuckled. "I like her," Michael stated softly. "I would have enjoyed you being with Dean."

"Because that didn't sound creepy…" Ryan retorted playfully.

Lucifer laughed. "Yes, she is perfect."

"Thanks. So, did you two cook this up on purpose with Gabriel, or what?"

Both angels visibly blanched. "Our brother is dead," Michael stated.

"I had to kill him, Michael. He would have killed me. Then that would have thrown you under the bus and the apocalypse would have been in Gabriel's hands…"

"I still blame you, brother mine," Michael seethed.

"Whoa, don't start fighting yet, I'm not done talking to you two. Focus for a damn minute and listen to the insignificant human for once."

Both turned to her again. "Yes, Gabriel is dead," she told them, careful not to tell them the truth. She refused to even think it in their presence, "But he gave me the tools to be the queen or mother, or whatever the hell you want to call me. I've got the kids for the prophecy in Heaven. One angel, one vampire, one demon. I've got a connection to the human. Dean Winchester fathered four kids. That fulfils his prophecy. So put that in your pipe and smoke it."

She sucked in a breath. "But I want to know what the prophecies say about me. Tell me."

"Why should I?"

She shrugged. "I don't have to let any of my kids do what you angels want. I know the truth now. Give me a reason for them to do their best to be what the prophecies call for."

Michael chuckled. "I believe she has you over a barrel, Lucifer."

Lucifer sighed. "I can't tell you everything, Ryan."

She didn't even pause in surprise at the fact he knew her name. She would be willing to bet he knew almost everything about her. "But you can tell me something," she shot back.

The angel nodded. "I can, yes."

She stood with her arms crossed, waiting.

"What do you wish to know?"

"What does the prophecy say? Word for word."

Lucifer cleared his throat and recited, "Forged in fire, tested, tempted, and tried, the mother will be of a pure heart and a clear mind, seduced by the demon that sneaks into her heart, and thus, the child shall be born."

She sucked in a breath. Well, shit, that definitely described her. Maybe not the pure heart or clear mind part, but definitely a demon snuck into her heart. "And?" she breathed.

"And that's the prophecy."

Her eyes narrowed as she leaned a bit closer to the cage. "Tell me more."

He held up both hands in mock surrender. "Little kitten has some claws. Mee-yow."

She stared at him with pursed lips, giving him her best 'mom' face, and waited.

"Oh, fine, never let me have any fun." He glared at her, but she refused to back down. She realized, somewhere, in the back of her mind, she should be terrified of the creature before her, but she was emboldened by not only her previous interactions with angels but the fact he was in a cage that looked unbreakable. "You will sell your soul, Ryan. And when you do, you will be the one to let me out of the cage again and we will rein together."

She gasped and took an involuntary step back. "N-no! I would never."

"You lie. Of course you would sell your soul if it meant protecting your children, your family, your brother-in-law…"

Again, she wasn't surprised he knew about Sam being her brother-in-law, technically. She shook her head. "You're wrong. And now that I know…"

He smiled coldly. "We will see."

She shook her head again and began walking backward from the cage. "I won't. And Jon will be king of Hell and Dean will be freed and you lose."

He chuckled. "I win, Ryan. I always win. Even when it looks as if I lose, I win. Remember that."

She was still shaking her head as she turned and ran down the corridor back to the elevator. She didn't breathe until she was safely inside it and her shaking hand pressed the "T".

She put her head between her knees and took in great gasps of air to calm down. The elevator dinged and she looked up in time for Meg to step in and grasp her arm. "Are you okay?"

"Y-Yeah, I'm alright," Ryan managed as she stood straight. She tossed her hair, which had fallen from its clip, back behind her and sucked in another breath. "I'm fine."

Meg eyed her warily. "You sure?"

Ryan took one more deep breath and blew it out. "Yeah, I'm good."

"Good. Now let's book it. We're running behind. You took your sweet ass time, Ryan."

"Sorry. The Devil is a chatty son of a bitch," Ryan retorted.

Meg smiled and pulled her down the corridor. "Come on. We need to move."

"Why?"

"Because…"

"Meg, I need to speak with you a mo'."

Ryan stopped as she heard the heavily accented voice. She turned and found herself face-to-face with Crowley. Though she had never seen him, she knew him immediately.

He smiled at her. "Well, well, what have we here?"

"I…" Meg began, but Ryan thought fast and slipped her hand in Meg's back pocket.

"Meg and I were just leaving, weren't we, sugar?"

Meg's lip twitched, but she nodded. "Sure, sexy." She grinned at Crowley. "Sorry, Fergus, my girl and I were just playing around. Now I've got to get her topside again."

Crowley's eyes narrowed at the pair. "I didn't know you were into women, Meg."

Meg shrugged and Ryan felt the need to sell it, so she grabbed Meg's ass inside her pocket, causing Meg to jump. "Meg is a private person, Mr. Crowley, but get her in the sack and she opens up just like a flower, don't you, Nutmeg?" she purred as she reached in to kiss Meg's ear.

"Don't start, sexy, or you know I won't be held responsible for my actions."

Ryan nuzzled Meg's ear. "Who says I want you to be responsible, hon?"

Meg let out a growl and shoved Ryan into the wall, but Ryan flipped them at the last second and kissed Meg for all she was worth.

Meg, of course, didn't let go after a moment and Ryan was thoroughly Frenched. When Ryan managed to disentangle herself from Meg, the little demon smirked. "Damn. I can see why he can't seem to get enough of you," she breathed. "You're a hell of a kisser."

Ryan wiped her mouth and glanced around to see Crowley gone. "Let's go."

Meg was all smiles as she led Ryan back to the exit. "Thanks for that. It was…illuminating."

Ryan rolled her eyes but she smiled. "Okay, okay. Go on, get out of here."

Meg chuckled. "See you on the flip side, Ryan."

Ryan nodded and slipped into the suction. She was spit out, right into Benny's waiting arms. "Damn, sugar, you ain't got to fall for me."

Ryan laughed as she extracted herself from Benny's grasp. "Thanks for breaking my fall."

"No problem." He held out a weapon for her and she gladly took it. "Need you to be better armed than you were."

"No kidding. Had I known Meg was taking me on a pleasure tour, I would have come prepared."

They walked in silence a few moments and she could almost feel the burning questions in the air. "Yes?" she prompted with a smile as she followed him.

"You really Dean's girl?"

She thought a moment and shrugged. "I'm his, in that, I don't want anyone else. Don't know if it's double sided or not…"

Benny smiled. "I'd say probably. You seem like a decent girl. And you're a hunter. That's got to count for something. And you went down to Hell and here willingly enough, so you're stupid enough to be Dean's."

She laughed at that. "Yeah, well, life isn't fair most of the time, so we haven't been together very often."

"Tell me about Dean's kids."

She told him then, about Hope, who was all angel and smart ass and very like Dean in temperament. She spoke of Bobby, who was still so small and acted more like her, but had Dean's big heart and sweet side, then she spoke of Jon, who was just developing his personality. Finally she added, "And Dean has another child, another son, Ben."

"Ben is his?"

She nodded. "He spoke of Ben?"

"Sometimes, we got some down-time in here. We talked about our lives a bit. He mentioned the kid."

It didn't surprise her in the least. "He hated leaving them. He loved her, Lisa."

Benny stared at her a minute and smiled. "Well, you're definitely a good one, to not be bitter over what he had with her."

She shrugged. "I only ever wanted his happiness, Benny."

He pondered that a moment. "He happy now?"

"He's the king of Hell. What do you think?"

They were both silent after that. They walked forever it seemed, but finally, Benny stopped and pointed to a cliff. "Up there. That's your exit."

She saw the blue glow emanating from the rocks and grasped his arm. "Come with me, Benny. Please? You can hunt with us. We can keep you safe, keep you from…"

"From what? Being what I am? Naw, sugar, I tried that. Didn't work for me."

She bit her lip as tears stung her eyes. "He cared for you, you know," she told him. "I know he did. He loves you like a brother."

Benny smiled. "Yeah, me too."

She hugged him tightly and was about to walk away when five vampires surrounded them. "Go. I got this," Benny told her.

She shook her head. "Nah, I enjoy the kill too much."

He laughed as they turned their backs to each other and began slicing and dicing, quickly dispatching the monsters attacking them.

When she lopped off the last one's head, she turned to see Benny staring at her. "What?" she asked as she wiped some blood from her face. Most of it was the bodies littering the ground, but she knew she had a few scratches herself. She'd never felt so alive. She finally realized what Dean had meant when he had told Sam Purgatory felt pure.

He shook his head as he chuckled. "You're a good fighter, darlin'."

She smiled. "Thanks. I've been trained by the best. First, by Bobby Singer, now Sam. I would have preferred Dean, but Sam knows almost everything Dean does…"

Benny inclined his head. "That he does. Dean taught that boy well. You lookin' after him, too?"

She nodded. "I'm the Winchester's keeper now. Castiel's too, when he comes down from his job up north."

Benny smiled. "You take care of yourself."

"You too, Benny. Stay safe."

"Hell, I'll do what I can." He hugged her tightly and then walked her to the portal as it glowed in her presence.

"You sure you don't want to come?" she yelled one more time.

He shook his head. "Naw. I like it here just fine."

She stepped over into the portal and looked at him one more time before she felt herself being pulled back to earth.

She popped up in another forest, spit out onto the ground like she was last night's bad meatloaf, and sighed as she lay on the ground. "Great. How the fuck am I supposed to get back to Kansas from Maine?" she glanced at her watch, "Shit! I'm late already!"

"Good thing I'm here," Meg stated from where she was propped up against a tree.

Ryan blinked. "Meg?"

"Told ya I'd see you. The door comes out here. Of course I'd come and get you. Got to get you back to Sammy before he has a bitch fit, right?"

Ryan nodded and stood. Meg took her arm and they were transported back into the bunker, right in front of Sam.

"Damn it, Ryan! Where were you?"

She picked some pine straw out of her hair and smiled at Meg. "We just took a little walk."

Sam shot her a worried look, ignoring the little demon who had gone to talk to Cas across the room. "You okay?"

She smiled. "I'm great."

"You're covered in blood."

She glanced down at herself. "Yeah, but most of it isn't mine…"

"Everyone was worried," he began.

"I'm fine, Sam. I promise."

He sighed. "You going to tell me where you were?"

She nodded. "Yes. But not right now. I need to shower." She glanced at the demon. "Meg, thanks for the…interesting birthday." Meg smiled at her and nodded. Ryan turned and walked out of the dungeon and headed toward the locker room. She still didn't get all the answers, but she had a few. And those few would help her to make the right decisions in the future.

She made a pit stop in Dean's room for her spare change of clothes, then in the locker room she quickly turned on the spray and stripped. She loved the water pressure in the bunker. And the water heater was a gift from God. If you turned the water on as hot as it would go, the whole room filled with steam. She had brought the boys in during the winter when they'd had colds and the steam had opened their little noses.

She smiled as she washed the dirt and blood out of her hair, remembering the first time Sam had seen Bobby sick. He had wondered how the little boy with the angel within him could get sick. She had simply countered with, "He's human, Sam. Even if he is a powerful archangel, his vessel is still a child. Hope was the same way." She remembered all too well the sicknesses, the staying up all night, worrying. It had been so nice to actually have help this time around. Sam was a gift. That much was for sure. She could never have handled two angels and a demon child by herself, much less the other three kids.

"Ryan?" she heard.

"Showering, Sam," she groused. She was hidden away by the shower curtain. They'd installed shower curtains once Ryan and Tory became more permanent fixtures in the bunker, not to mention Krissy and Hope. They also had put a lock on the door so no wayward boys (or the pervs that lived in her house, in any case) could come traipsing in getting a peep show. She supposed they could always pick the lock, they all knew how, but still, it maintained the idea of privacy.

"Where were you?"

She debated lying to him, and she would, obviously, but she stated boldly, "Purgatory."

"You…you went to Purgatory?"

She started attempting to get the blood off her face. "Yeah. Meg saw I was down, figured I'd want to kill something, we didn't have time for a hunt, so, she took me on a field trip."

Sam was quiet and she couldn't help peeking her head around the curtain to make sure he hadn't passed out. He glared at her. "Excuse me?"

She shrugged and slipped the curtain back in place. "It's not a big deal, Sam."

"You could have died, Ryan! It's a dangerous place!"

"No shit, Sherlock," she said for the second time that day as she began washing her neck and shoulders. "Obviously. But I'm okay. It's all good."

"I take it you found something to kill?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, vampires, werewolves, no Leviathans, which would have been cool, but alas…"

"And whatever made Meg want to…?"

She was silent as she washed her arms, but then stated, "Gee, I don't know, Sam. She's a weird chick. A weird…demented…little…demon chick. Who knows? I met Benny, by the way."

"You did?"

"Yeah, tried to talk him into coming home with me, hitching a ride, but he declined the offer, said he knew he was a monster, didn't want to come and be the freak, you know?"

"Did you tell him…?"

She sighed as she ran the soap over her legs. "Yeah, I did."

"And?"

She shut the water off and reached for the towel on the hook outside the curtain. "What do you want me to say? I told him. He reacted surprisingly well. There's not one damn thing you or I or the fucking man in the moon can do about it." She toweled off and slipped it around her body before she opened the curtain. "Are you going to stand there and watch me get dressed?"

He blinked and shook his head. "No, uh, I'll just…"

She nodded. "Do."

He turned, but she touched his arm. "Sam, I was fine."

He looked at her, really looked at her and she felt like he was reading her innermost thoughts. "No, you aren't. You weren't fine before you left and you weren't fine while you took your little day trip to Purgatory and you aren't fine now. You've not been fine since that djinn and truthfully, I don't think you've ever been fine."

"I haven't!" she shouted suddenly, startling both them with her outburst. "I haven't been fine since you and your damn brother walked back into my life when I was eleven years old! But I've been handling it! Damn it!" she turned and stalked over to the sink where her comb was and began forcing it through her curls. "I'm not fine, Sam. I'm not. My soul's mate is the fucking king of Hell. I've got three children that are all some sort of supernatural being, I've got six kids dependent on me for fuck's sake! I've got the Men of Letters and hunting and all these responsibilities, I'm having nightmares about the love of my life raping me and now I find out that Hell has a fucking prophecy about me! So, no, I'm not fine!"

He was silent a moment as fat tears began pouring down her face. "Damn it," she muttered as the tried and fail to stave them off. "I'm not fine," she muttered as she stumbled to the bench that ran the length of the room. "I'm not fine, I'm not fine, I'm not fine…"

She buried her head in her hands and felt Sam's arm go around her. She couldn't help it as she fisted his shirt and sobbed into his shoulder.

She heard him shushing her softly and felt his hand running up and down her back, soothing her, until finally, she felt composed enough to lift her head. "I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "You've been long overdue for that, Ryan. I just wish like hell you'd talk to me more."

"How can I, Sam? I've got to be the strong one. When it all come down to it, he was just a…a dalliance for me. He was your brother."

"You don't have to be strong for me, Ryan. Not anymore. We're a team. A unit. Us against the world."

She shook her head. "I don't think I can be part of a unit, Sam. I just…I'm raw. I'm fractured. I'm…"

He put his hand on her face. "You think I'm whole, Ryan? Seriously? Me? I took the devil to the prom for crying out loud."

She laughed as tears continued to stream down her face. "You're an idiot."

"But you love me."

She smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I do. I'm…I'm sorry, Sam. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, with me. It can't be a walk in the park. I mean, you get the crazy wife and you don't even get the sex."

He chuckled. "Contrary to popular belief, there is more to life than sex. Don't let the men on TV fool you."

She smiled dejectedly. "It's still not fair to you."

"Ryan, hell, this life? With you? The kids? It's so much more than I thought I'd ever have. We stand a chance at making a big difference with The Men of Letters. If we can get the hunters united, get some serious networking going on…we'll be able to really help people."

She nodded. "I know. You're right."

He blew out a breath. "I still wish he were here with us."

"Me too," she whispered.

He smiled softly. "Come on. Get dressed. I told everyone we'd be along in a little bit. They're all going to meet us over at the restaurant."

"We taking Demon?"

He shook his head. "I think I want to drive Dorothy's motorcycle. You in?"

She grinned. "Hell yeah."

---

An2: Okay, who's ready for the mid-season finale?! I'm NOT! This is my first mid-season finale and I'm dying over here! At least I'll have you guys and this story to help fill the void. I can't begin to imagine what will happen tomorrow night! But I am LOVING this season and I did so enjoy seeing Jody and Donna! I loved that relationship! I want more of those girls on the show!

Until next week, my dears! I'll post my review and if you'd like, maybe a few predictions about the rest of the season next week. Cool?