Merry Christmas Eve! (Well, it is in Australia). I'm not a fan of Christmas but apparently the rest of the world is so I just wanted to wish a very merry Christmas to you all now as I don't know if I'll have any time to update tomorrow on the day. You know, I have to communicate with my family (unfortunately) and babysit my niece all day. So have a great day!

-A xx

Prentiss

I walked back downstairs and I knew they could visibly see that I had been crying. I walked to the door and grabbed my bag as I walked passed it.

"Where are you going?" Rossi asked.

"Out." I said coldly. I opened the door and walked out. I went to my car and heard someone run over.

"Hey, Em." Derek said softly. He reached me and I turned around, "He didn't mean to upset you."

"I don't care." I shook my head and turned back around, getting into my car. He ran around the other side and got in the passenger seat.

"Where are we going?"

"Derek—"

"You keep calling me Derek instead of Morgan now."

"Sorry…I don't mean it."

He shook his head, "I like it. Shows that you actually do like me."

"Okay, you can get out."

"I'm not getting out and I'm estimating another 10 seconds before Hotch or Rossi come out here so if you want to avoid an argument with them, I'd suggest you drive."

I looked at the house and sighed, pulling the car into drive and turning around the flowerbeds in the middle of the driveway and down the long drive entrance.

"Where are we going?" He asked again once I pulled onto the road.

I shook my head, "I don't know."

"Okay…how about you pull over and we talk instead of drive?" He suggested. I bit my lip and pulled over like I knew he was praying for me to do. "Thank you."

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked, pretending to be oblivious to the fact that he was going to talk about my weight or eating habits in one way or another.

"I think you know."

I sighed and sat back in the chair, "You know what's strange?"

"What?"

"That I didn't freak out. Not two nights ago, not last night and I was able to lie about it. Convincingly for a while, so it seems."

He smiled, "I don't think that's strange. I think that means that you're successfully putting it behind you and that you trust me. And since you trust me, maybe you can tell me why Rossi upset you so much."

I looked out the window so he couldn't see my face and eyes as they stung with tears. I blinked them away and took a deep breath.

"Look at me." He said. I didn't move so he held my chin gently between his thumb and index and turned my head back to him, "Emily. You can tell me and you know you can."

I smiled weakly and pulled his hand away from my chin. Instead of taking his hand back, he intertwined his fingers with mine and comfortingly moved his thumb and up and down the side of my hand, waiting for me to speak. "It upset me so much because every time Rossi speaks about it, it's like he had been waiting to bring it up again. He doesn't understand just how hard I'm trying and he waits for the opportunity to try and lecture me or talk down to me about it."

Derek shook his head, "That's just how you see it, but it isn't like that at all, princess. He doesn't like bringing it up, he doesn't like lecturing you about it or even talking to you about it because he knows that it hurts you. Rossi knows you're trying. We all do. He just gets a little frustrated when he tries to help and it doesn't work. He's run out of ideas as to what to do."

"Can I ask you something?"

He nodded in reply.

"Do you actually think I'm beautiful?"

"Stunningly." He answered easily with a small smile.

"So if I ever ended up being successful in my weight gain, you wouldn't think I was as beautiful as you say you do now."

He gave me an obvious look, "Emily, you're stunningly beautiful now. Words can't explain how beautiful you'll be when you get it back. You'll be a whole lot more than you are now. Please don't be offended by that because I just realised how rude it sounded."

I shook my head, "It's okay. I just don't know if I'll ever be capable of getting it back. I want to; I want to get better and be me again and go back to work but I'm running out of time and I don't think I can ever be that again."

He pulled me to him gently and pressed his lips against mine softly. I closed my eyes and savoured the moment. "You need to let everyone back in again because you've blocked us all back out. Once we know what we need to, we'll be able to help you."

"You all keep saying that but then no one, not even me, knows what to do."

"We'll figure it out. In the meantime, stop lying on that stupid board, see your therapist again and eat in small amounts until your body is used to the food again."

I smiled, "Thank you."

"Anytime, beautiful." He kissed me again, "Oh…sorry."

I shook my head, "No, it's okay. It's nice to hear it from someone else now that I'm not intimidated by you."

He smiled and lifted my hand to his lips, kissing along my knuckles. "Can we go back to Rossi's now?"

"Did they seem to believe us well enough?" I asked as I started the car again.

"...I don't think so. Do you want them to know?"

I looked at him and away from the road momentarily, "…Yes and no."

"Well I want them to know so we don't have to hide anything but I don't because I don't know if it's allowed, I don't want Rossi to kill me and I don't want them to question everything we do."

I nodded, "Yeah. Maybe we should keep it to ourselves for now."

He agreed and looked out the window for a short while. I pulled back up to Rossi's and we got out of the car, "Hey." He stopped me before I walked towards the house. I turned and waited for him to finish, "Come out tonight."

"Where to?"

"Dinner."

"…Derek…"

"You don't have to have much. Just a bit and then we can see a movie or dancing or something."

"Dancing? You want to go dancing?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "Or not if you don't want to."

"I think you're assuming that I can dance."

"Hey, we've danced before." He said as he walked by my side towards the steps.

"Oh…" I laughed, "I cannot dance."

"Then we can see a movie or just walk around. You can vent to me about everything and I'll laugh at you when you do that irritated sigh and irritated laugh you do when you get really irritated about something."

"I don't know how many times you just said 'irritated' but it was too many."

"Did it irritate you?"

"Stop." I smiled and he opened the door.

"You do it, though. When you get really annoyed and into what you're talking about or someone says something that you don't agree with."

"Like when you said we've danced before?"

"Yes, like you did then. It's hilarious when you're talking to someone who doesn't know about it and we all hear you. We always put on bets when we're on cases to see who you do it to first. Which one of us or if it'll be one of the local cops."

"You put bets on who will irritate me first?"

"Always." He smirked.

"…Well…not always. You can't really do it anymore." We reached the silent living room now. They would have been listening to us.

"Another few weeks." He shrugged his shoulders. "I always make good money off Hotch and Reid."

"Hotch?" I scoffed. I looked at me ex-boss, "You bet with them?"

He smirked, "It's fun."

I rolled my eyes and looked back at Derek, "Well don't get your hopes up. The next few weeks don't look very good to me."

"Hey, you did just agree to go out for dinner tonight, so…"

"I did not agree." I shook my head.

"Yes you did. You said 'sure Morgan, I will go out for dinner tonight'."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head as I put my bag back on the table.

"Come on. Yes or no?"

I looked at him and contemplated the night, "Are you going to shove food down my throat?"

"No." He shook his head, "You can eat as little or as much as you want, as long as you have something. Anything. Why? Do you like it rough?" He joked.

"You disgust me."

He smiled, "Is that a yes?"

"It is not a date."

"If I wanted to ask you on a date, Princess, I wouldn't have done it in front of the team."

"Bullshit you wouldn't. Your ego is just that big."

"Oh, stop with the teasing." He joked and laughed. "You hear that Rossi? She's going to eat something."

"Thank you." Rossi said in a relieved voice, "Take her out every night."

"I am doing this solely for the reason to see you lose your next bet on me."

"So you're planning on coming back to work?" He smiled.

"That was always the plan."

"Well it didn't seem to work for you previously…"

"I'm sorry; did you want me to leave again? What was that you told me in the car? 'Rossi knows you're trying. We all do'?"

He nodded, "He just gets frustrated."

"You're making me frustrated right now."

"So you know how Rossi feels, then."

"I have a gun."

"You shouldn't." Hotch interrupted before Derek could reply. My eyes widened and I looked at him. "Give it to me."

"…No."

"Prentiss—"

"Ah, I'm not your agent anymore. That means you're not my boss and I don't have to listen to you."

"Emily, give him the gun." JJ said.

"Oh no." Garcia said quietly.

"Wait, I thought you gave it to Strauss." Reid said.

"Strauss doesn't know she carried three. You have two, don't you?" Derek asked.

I bit my lip and looked around at them. Rossi stood up and approached me, "The one in your bag." He held his hand out.

"…I don't have one in my bag."

"Bullshit."

I grabbed my bag from the table behind me and walked around Rossi and out of the living room. I went upstairs and heard Hotch's footsteps follow me. I walked into my room and didn't bother trying to close the door. He'd just walk in anyway.

"Prentiss, I need you to give me both the guns. You can have them back when we trust you again."

I turned and looked at him as I shook my head, "No."

"Prentiss—"

"No, Hotch."

His face softened slightly, "Emily, I can't let you keep them."

"Well good luck finding them."

"One is in your bag and the other is taped under the bed."

"How the fuck did you get that?"

"When you said good luck finding them, you instinctively gripped your bag tighter and took half a step back towards the bed and put your foot up slightly behind you." He explained as he walked forwards and crouched to the ground. He took the gun from under the bed and stood back up, "Please?"

"Hotch, the gun in my bag is the only thing that makes me feel safe when I'm not here."

He sighed and looked away, "I can't let you have it."

"Then I'll just go and get another one. There are several gun stores around here."

"All of which check your history before issuing a gun. I'm telling you now; you would not be issued a gun."

"Flash my badge and I will be."

"You shouldn't even have that. I thought you gave it to Strauss."

"I said I forgot it and then I never went back to the precinct except for my appointments and she forgot about it anyway."

"Do not tell anyone that I left you with that gun. If Strauss finds out somehow or anyone outside of this team, you say I didn't know you had it."

I smiled, "Deal. Thank you."

"I hate letting you have it."

"Hotch, if I wanted to die right now, shooting myself would be a last resort. I could think of 20 different ways to kill myself that I would prefer over shooting."

"What are the 20 different ways?"

"Ah, I'm not telling." I smiled and tilted my head, "And you know why I'm not. I'd rather you didn't keep me locked in a room with nothing but a bed."

He sighed and turned, walking back out. I threw my bag on the bed and followed him.