BPOV
My brain was foggy. Light was filtering into the room and I was struggling to even open my eyes. How long had I been out? How much pain medication did Carlisle give me? I felt like I had been asleep for hours. My limbs felt heavy as I rolled over onto my back and willed my eyes to open. My arms stretched lazily over my head and my legs moved across the bed. The blankets were a tangled mess around my body and I felt imprisoned by them as well as the drugs that seemed to also have a strong hold on my brain.
Wake up…wake up! "Damn drugs," I muttered sleepily.
I slowly sat up and rubbed my eyes, fighting my brain in its drug-induced haze. I looked at the blankets wrapped around my legs and shook my head to wake myself up further. I took a deep breath and my lungs were instantly filled with a wonderfully sweet smell. It was the same scent that I had smelled in my room the day before. As I sat there racking my brain for answers it couldn't give me, I had the distinct feeling that I was being watched.
I slowly turned my head toward the bedroom door and my gaze instantly locked with a pair of topaz eyes. I wasn't prepared for the emotions that would hit me all at once. There standing in front of me was a ghost…he had to be…he wasn't really here right? My brain was on drugs and had created one hell of a realistic hallucination. The man before me began to move slowly toward the bed. My eyes stayed locked on his as he moved. This hallucination was so real.
"Bella…," the velvet voice whispered.
His voice shook me to my core. I wasn't dreaming. There standing in front of me was Edward Cullen. I watched as his hand moved toward my face. Before I could register what I was doing, I moved away from his hand and clutched my middle as the pain ripped through me.
"Edward…? What are you doing here?" The pain escalated and I held on to my midsection like it would float away.
"Bella…," he said again, "I won't hurt you. I couldn't stay away. I was such a fool."
I sat on the bed stunned at what he had just told me. It took a minute before my mind could process what he said. "You were a fool? Is that the best you can give me?" I asked as my voice rose in volume with each word.
His face visibly winced in pain and was quickly replaced by a calm mask. My blood began to boil as I looked at him. I couldn't believe that after all these years, he would still hide his true feelings from me. He stared at me and I found that I couldn't take my eyes off of him either. He was still perfect. Everything from his eyes to his strong jaw line was perfect. He oozed perfection and right now that thought made me sick.
"You're damn right…you were a fool," I seethed at him, "and so was I. I was a fool for believing that you would be there for me. I was a fool to believe that you would never leave me. I was a fool for believing that you ever loved me. Everything you ever told me was a lie…and I believed all of it!"
"Bella, please don't say that. It's not true," he spoke, his voice remained calm, but I swore that I heard it hitch just a bit.
Good. I thought to myself. Let's see him suffer for a while. I was shocked at my reaction towards Edward, but not entirely surprised. I had been in pain for so long and had just started to heal. I had started to live my own life. Circumstances had changed the direction my life had been heading, but I still felt that I was on a path to recovery. I wasn't going to allow him to set me back.
"You didn't answer my question, Edward," I said again. "What are you doing here?"
I watched as his expression changed from being blank, showing no emotion, to one of pure anger. I cowered away from him in fear, although I knew deep down inside that he would never hurt me. I had never seen him this angry before. Too quickly the anger that had appeared on his face dissipated back to his blank expression. His expressions made me swim with dizziness as I watched him and waited for him to speak.
We continued to stare at each other for what seemed a lot longer than it really was before he finally spoke.
"I came here because Alice had a vision about Jasper," he answered calmly. My instinct told me that wasn't the whole truth. I knew from experience that he only kept things from me to protect me, but that didn't mean that I wasn't mature enough to handle the truth.
My eyes never wavered from his and I watched as the color changed and swam with emotion that I hadn't seen in a while. I wanted to believe that our problems were not insurmountable, that somehow I had moved past my teenage years and had grown up, but as I continued to look at him I noticed my reserve begin to crack. I felt my mind slip back to when I was seventeen and was madly in love with a vampire that couldn't or wouldn't love me back. I swallowed the lump that had begun to form in my throat and closed my eyes tight.
"Is that the only reason?" I asked softly, pressing for the real reason for his return.
"No," he stated simply.
Tears threatened to spill over and I tried to desperately will them away to no avail. They were flowing freely now and there wasn't anything I could do to stop them.
"You hurt me."
"Yes," he answered, as he hung his head.
"You left me. I ran after you…I…I…tried to run after you," I stammered as the tears continued to flow. It was at that moment that I decided I wasn't going to hold back the pain. I had to let it out; I needed to be rid of it.
"Do you have any idea what you did to me?" I questioned, watching him as my words cut through him like a knife. "Look at me, Edward!"
He raised his eyes to mine. I took a few breaths to calm myself, and while he looked at me, the floodgates opened.
"I was a shell of a human being. I couldn't eat or sleep. After a while, Charlie threatened to ship me off to Florida to live with Renee. It was at that time that I knew I had to snap out of it. I had to at least pretend to be living."
I chuckled to myself as I remembered how Edward used to tell me what a horrible actor I was. "I perfected my acting skills, Edward. For months I lived, or at least acted like it. I went to school, came home, cooked dinner, did my homework, and went to bed. It was a monotonous existence but at the time it was all I had.
"I kept my window open for a while, hoping that you would come back for me. You tried to erase yourself from my life by taking my most prized possessions. By doing that you took care of the physical reminders of you, Edward, but what you didn't take into consideration was the emotional attachment I felt. I may only be a human girl, but my feelings ran deep. At least my feelings for you were real. You're not very smart for a vampire that has lived…what is it now…111 years?"
His eyes never left mine while I spoke and I was beginning to be hypnotized by them. I closed my eyes and continued. "I eventually did find my sun in the darkness," I began again and smiled as I thought about Jacob. "I started living again, but what you don't know is that all the while I thought I was living, I was really slowly dying inside. I lived recklessly…"
"You promised…" he began.
"So did you," I interrupted. "You promised you would never leave me…and you did. I guess we both broke our promises, huh?" I could feel the anger boiling in my blood.
"I said I would stay as long as it was what's best for you. Those were my exact words. It wasn't safe for you. My own family put you at risk that day! Forget about the other dangers that you seemed to find yourself in, Jasper lost control. All it took was one little drop."
I moved my feet as I tried to get comfortable and winced in pain.
"We can finish talking later," he said looking toward the blanket covering my swollen ankle. He moved closer to me, "Let's take you downstairs and get you set up on the couch. I'll get you something to eat and drink." He bent over to pick me up and I immediately shot my hand up to stop him.
"Not you," I said as the pain registered across his face. "I'm not ready to have you touching me just yet. You are going to have to give me some time, Edward. I'm not the same naive little girl you knew three years ago."
"I understand," he resolved turning for the door. "I'll go get Emmett."
Ten minutes later, a hyped-up Emmett bounded through my bedroom door. "Damn, Bella, how is it that you missed all the excitement?"
"Emmett…," growled Edward from behind him.
"What excitement?" I asked, my curiosity piqued.
"You mean Eddie here didn't tell you what you missed? Shit, Edward,...when are you ever going to learn to just tell her the truth?" Emmett smacked his brother's head.
Edward rubbed where Emmett had hit him. "We were talking about other things," he replied. "It didn't come up."
"Let me get you downstairs and I will be more than happy to give you all the gory details," Emmett said as he gently picked me up and headed for the door.
"Ummm…Emmett?"
"Ya, sis, what's wrong?" he looked at me with concern in his eyes.
"I need a human moment before going downstairs." I felt my face blush from embarrassment.
"A human moment?" Emmett asked innocently.
"She needs to go to the restroom," Edward replied exasperatedly.
"What…OH!" he exclaimed as the realization of what I was telling him sunk in.
After taking care of my human need - bathroom, brushing teeth, combing hair - I was ready to go downstairs and find out what had happened while I was chemically out of my mind.
Emmett placed me on the couch gently and put a blanket around my legs to keep me warm. I looked out the large window that peered into the front yard and saw a large billowing cloud of purple smoke. Confusion swept my brow as I turned to look at Edward and Emmett. "What happened while I was asleep?"
"We were attacked by Victoria, Irina, and a newborn," Edward answered calmly. He watched me closely as it took a moment to register what he had just told me.
An expression of shock flashed across my face as I realized what I had missed and what could have happened. I gasped audibly and put my hand over my mouth. Victoria and Irina were here. They had come for me, and as they did, I slept upstairs in my room oblivious to what was going on around me.
"Carlisle talked some sense into Irina," Emmett continued while rubbing small circles along my shoulders with his palm. "It was a good thing he was here. She's outside helping Jasper and Carlisle clean up the mess."
"You said something about a vision that Alice had," I stated looking at Edward. "What was that about?"
"She had a vision of Jasper's death by Victoria's hand." Edward took in an unnecessary breath and his eyes didn't leave mine. "Victoria is gone now. You're safe and so is Jasper."
"What happened to the newborn?" I inquired.
"Riley?" Emmett answered pointing outside. "See that pile of parts and the cloud of purple haze over there? Riley wouldn't behave so I had to rip his arms off." Emmett grinned showing his dimples.
"I helped," Jasper interceded as he walked in the door. Carlisle followed close behind him, and bringing up the rear was someone I didn't recognize…a woman…Irina? She was beautiful, with long flowing hair and the same topaz eyes of the Cullens'. She walked gracefully into the room but stood back while Jasper and Carlisle found a spot on the cushions next to me.
Emmett waited and then continued telling me the story, while Jasper and Carlisle added information from their points of view. Edward sat back quietly in the chair across from me, never taking his eyes off my body. He watched my expressions change as I listened to Emmett speak. I looked up to see him stiffen when Emmett told me that Riley had escaped from Jasper's grasp and had gone searching for me.
I had a hard time imagining what had actually transpired while I was asleep as Emmett carefully went over all, and I mean all, of the gory details. When he started talking about the part where Victoria had Edward pinned to the ground with her teeth at his neck, I realized that Irina's eyes were on me. Her staring made me feel uneasy; I was leery of being so close to the vampire that only a few days ago wanted me dead and was willing to help Victoria do it.
Jasper moved closer to me as he sensed my uneasiness. He sat down next to me, grabbed my hand and immediately a calm soothed me.
"I won't let anything happen to you. You don't need to be afraid of Irina. She's like us…strictly vegetarian," Jasper commented as he washed me in calm once more. His comment didn't help ease my emotions, but his gift did relax me some. I had a difficult time wrapping my brain around the idea that Irina had suddenly had a change of heart. I knew that she'd wanted revenge for something; I just didn't know what that was yet.
"I need to apologize to you, Bella." Irina looked at me with her topaz eyes blazing with sincerity. "I was foolish to go along with what Victoria wanted me to do. I hope that some day you will find it in your heart to forgive me. It won't happen again."
"She means it, Bella." Edward's gaze fell upon Irina. I assumed he was searching her thoughts for the truth.
"Why me?" I whispered knowing she would hear me. "What did I do to you?"
Irina chuckled softly to herself. "I can tell why Edward finds you so enduring. You're not afraid to ask questions, are you?"
I shook my head while looking her. My eyes never left hers as I listened to her version of the story. She spoke with pride about Laurent and how he had changed while staying with the Denali coven. Her face fell when she talked about how he told her he was leaving to help a friend take care of some unfinished business. She told me she had run into Victoria purely by accident while she had been looking for Laurent, and that Victoria had told her how he had died.
"I have been watching you a long time, Bella. I watched your interactions with the wolves and saw how devoted they were to you. I figured the best way to hurt them was by hurting you. I knew I couldn't kill you myself…that would go against my vow not to harm humans…Victoria gave me the out I needed. I was foolish to behave the way I did. I am ashamed of my actions…"
"It won't happen again," Edward repeated Irina's words in a harsh tone that didn't go unnoticed by me.
"No, it won't," Irina assured him as she moved to the door and turned around to address Carlisle. "I truly am sorry, Carlisle. I know it will take a while to gain your trust back, and I fully expect to have to work for it. Until next time…" she said as she quietly exited the room.
The sudden quiet that followed lasted for what seemed like more than just a few minutes before Emmett decided to speak. "Well…I think it's time to go home. Bella's safe…Jasper's safe…and I got to rip apart a couple of vampires. I've had one hell of a busy day."
I felt a slight tug of my heart as I listened to Emmett talk about going home. Was that it? Now that I was safe, they would all leave again?
"I'm not going anywhere," Jasper soothed as he caught on to the familiar pain that he had witnessed over the last couple of weeks. He looked at me with a compassion borne out of the bond we'd created. "If I leave, you're coming with me, but only when you are ready."
"Alice needs you, Jasper," I whispered. "I'll be alright."
"I am not leaving unless you come with me," he repeated again.
"I will not desert you again. I made a promise to you and it is a promise I intend to keep," he assured me as I heard a low growl come from Edward sitting across the room.
I rested my head on Jasper's stone shoulder and let his calming waves flow through me. I knew I could trust him. I knew what I needed to do to get Jasper back to Alice…I needed to deal with my past.
"Well, I'm leaving. Carlisle and I have a flight that leaves in a couple of hours." Emmett strode across the room and stopped in front of me. "Don't let him get away with the same shit he always has," Emmett whispered in my ear while pointing at Edward. "He'll try to dazzle you back. You make him work for it. Got it, Squirt?"
I nodded my head and smiled warmly at him. I had missed having him in my life and it felt good to feel safe and protected. "I'll see you at the wedding," I responded as I held out my arms. Emmett picked me up a little too roughly and squeezed.
"Emmett…can't….breathe…," I choked.
He laughed heartily and set me back down on the couch. "God! I've missed you!"
"I've missed you too, Em," I answered. "See you in a few weeks."
Carlisle got up to follow Emmett out the door. "Jasper, if you need anything, just call. Bella, take it easy and stay off the ankle for at least another week. I've left some more pain meds on the kitchen counter. I would suggest that you take them before you go to sleep at night. Edward…" I watched as Carlisle locked eyes with Edward in a silent conversation.
"Thanks, Carlisle," I murmured. "I think I've slept through enough excitement. I really don't like the way they make me feel."
"I know I'm never going to forget 'stoned Bella'!" Emmett boomed as he stepped out the door.
"Regardless," Carlisle said turning his attention back to me, "they are there if you need them."
After Carlisle and Emmett left, an uneasy tension immediately filled the room. Jasper was looking intently at Edward and I decided this was a good time to hash things out with him.
"Jasper, do you need to go hunting?" I asked hoping he would catch the hint that I wanted some alone time with his brother.
"No, I'm fine," he answered, never taking his eyes off Edward.
"Please…Jasper…you need to go hunting," I insisted.
He slowly turned his head to look at me. "You want me to leave?"
"Yes," I answered. "Edward and I need to talk."
"It'll be okay, Jasper," Edward encouraged. "I won't do anything foolish. I won't hurt her again. Your eyes are black. You need to hunt."
Jasper looked at me intently, as the unasked question graced his features.
"I'll be fine," I mouthed. "Go."
Begrudgingly, Jasper left my side and walked to the sliding glass door facing his back yard. "I won't be far. If you need me…"
"I know," I interrupted. I watched as Jasper opened the door and disappeared into the trees.
The tension didn't leave the room after Jasper departed. We sat in silence for a while as I played with my fingers nervously. I tried to think of the best way to talk about how I felt. I had to admit I wasn't prepared to see him again. He had told me he would leave and never come back and here he was sitting in the living room only a few feet away.
It was Edward that finally broke the silence. "Are you in pain?"
"Not physically," I whispered softly, but he still heard me.
I shifted uncomfortably and continued to play with my fingers. I heard Edward move and felt the cushions sink with his weight as he sat next to me.
"I know I said some things that hurt you," he began, "but I want you to know they were all lies, Bella. None of it was true. I loved you…I still love you…and I always will. I only wanted to keep you safe, and I felt that you weren't safe around me or my family. I thought I was doing what was best for you."
"You sound like my father," I snapped. "You didn't have the right to decide what was best for me and what wasn't. I have always believed that a person had a right to make their own decisions. You took that from me. I had no control over what you did. Don't you think that I had a right to decide what danger I wanted to put myself in?"
"You didn't belong in my world, Bella! I put you in danger every single day! What happened at your birthday party only proved to solidify what I knew was already true!"
"I still deserved a choice, Edward. You could have discussed it with me. Isn't that how most normal relationships work?"
"Our relationship wasn't normal!" he growled at me. "I am a vampire! There is nothing normal about a vampire being in love with a human…everything about it is NOT normal."
Edward got up and quickly began pacing the room. I knew he was frustrated. I was frustrated too. I had spent the last three years trying to piece my life back together and now I found myself in what seemed a bigger mess than before. I knew I still had feelings for him…the feelings had never gone away. Even when Jacob and I spent time together, Edward was always in the back of my mind.
"So…," I sighed, "where does that leave us?"
"Do you want there to be an 'us'?" He stopped pacing and looked at me. I could see the hope in his eyes as he waited for me to answer his question.
"I don't know," I answered honestly. "There's no guarantee that I'll stay out of danger…I always seem to find it…I don't think I could handle it if you decided to leave again 'to keep me safe,'" I said making quotes with my fingers.
"I'm not going anywhere," he said pinching the bridge of his nose. "I was miserable without you too. I can't leave…it would kill me."
"You're already dead," I joked trying to lighten the mood.
He sighed.
"I see you haven't lost your sense of humor," he said as he flashed me his crooked smile.
Edward walked back over to the couch and sat beside me again. We had more to talk about but I knew that we had time to do that. I wasn't in a hurry to rush into anything. I needed to guard my heart and let things fall where they were supposed to.
"Let's just take one day at a time," I resolved. "You've got plenty of that, right?"
Edward chuckled and smiled again, and I felt an electric current pass between us as he weaved his fingers in mine. "I have forever," he replied softly as he gently squeezed my hand.
A/N: Reviews are like candy!!! Please let me know what you think.