Chapter 21 – The Journey Begins

"We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey." - Kenji Miyazawa

Peter's family and friends made their way back to the waiting room, finally daring to let themselves hope that perhaps he would soon emerge from this harsh and unrelenting ordeal. They were happily surprised to find fresh tea, coffee and sandwiches laid out, as none of them had felt like eating for quite some time. Jo and Mavis had quickly regained their composure with the help of Hogan and Roberts and they all sat down to refresh themselves with the food and drink. Afterwards, at Hogan's whispered request, Roberts drew Mavis over to LeBeau and asked him to explain to the two of them why he had been so certain that Peter was going to pull through.

The General walked over and extended his hand to Jo as she sat on the sofa. "Jo? Would you like to stretch your legs?"

Jo sighed and looked up. Hogan's friendly invitation bore the unmistakable undertone of command and she knew it. She extended her hand to him in reply; he took it and helped her to get to her feet. She glanced over at Mavis, Roberts and LeBeau; they were all engaged in an animated conversation and didn't take notice as the two of them left the room.

They walked in what Jo perceived as an anxious silence for as long as it took to arrive at their destination, namely, Doctor McFarland's empty office. "I asked the doc if I could borrow his office so we could have a bit of privacy," Hogan commented as he gestured for Jo to sit down. He pulled a chair up next to her and sat down as well. He sighed and looked at her for a long moment. "Jo, I really don't know how to ask this question delicately so I will just come out and ask bluntly. How much of our conversation did you overhear?"

Jo bit her lip and looked down as she wrung her hands in her lap. There was no escaping it now, she had to admit to her husband's former CO and very good friend that she had been eavesdropping on his private and supposedly confidential conversation. "I'm...I'm so sorry...Rob. I...heard...all...of it." She looked up, her eyes full of tears. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop...I really didn't…but I just…couldn't...force myself away. You were...discussing my husband and...I...I was hearing…things…things that he...he hasn't told me...about himself…." She put her hand on Hogan's arm. "General, Rob…please. If it's at all possible…may I hear the rest? Please? It would help me to help Peter…."

Hogan sighed and looked up at the ceiling for a very long moment. He couldn't really blame Jo, as it was quite obvious to him that she loved Peter with her entire being. If Peter Newkirk willingly took an uncharacteristically huge leap of faith to wholly and unreservedly entrust his heart to this woman, then Hogan felt she must be trustworthy indeed. He made his decision and looked directly at Jo, taking her hands in his. "Jo, you must swear to me that you will never, I repeat, never divulge to anyone that I have told you these things! Especially Peter. Neither are you to divulge what I am about to tell you to anyone, ever. Do you think you can do that in good conscience?"

Jo looked the General directly in the eyes as she spoke, "Yes, Rob. I swear not to reveal this matter to anyone, so help me God!"

Hogan saw the earnest desperation in her eyes and nodded tightly. "That's good enough for me." He scrubbed a hand across his face. "Since you heard everything then I assume you heard the part about the Adolph Hitler bridge." At her nod, he continued. "Well then you know that we were involved in…no, we were ordered to…no, damn it! I'm sorry Jo, I don't exactly know how to tell you this. Let me start over."

He got up and paced across the room and then sat back down. He reached for her hands again and spoke, "Jo, I was the leader of one of the most unconventional, unorthodox, some even said most bizarre outfits in the entire ETO. We were a volunteer underground group stationed at Stalag 13. We carried out Allied aircrew repatriation, espionage, sabotage, general slowdown of the German war effort, you name it, we did it. Peter Newkirk was one of my earliest recruits who soon became one of the most capable and trusted members of my command crew. He also became one of my closest friends. I trusted him implicitly with my life; still do, as a matter of fact."

"Volunteer? How does a prisoner of war volunteer Rob?" Jo wanted to know.

"My men deferred their own escapes to the completion of the mission."

"You mean, you mean Peter could have come home at any time?"

Hogan nodded. "Well, yes and no. We were stationed at the stalag, but as volunteers only. Any of us could have requested to leave, if we so chose and if London approved. As a matter of fact, nine months before the end of the war, one of us did." He sighed as the old guilt arose again. Kinch! We sure missed you at the end my friend! "I'm not at liberty to reveal who, but I have a feeling that this man's choice to leave us greatly affected Peter. He seemed, well, just a little out of sorts after that."

"Was it a close friend of his?"

"Very close."

"Peter is very loyal and he doesn't bestow his loyalty lightly. Once he's given you his loyalty, you have it for life."

The General agreed, "Don't I know it! That was one of the traits that made him so valuable to our operation."

Jo raised an eyebrow and asked, "Please tell me more about Peter's role in your operation, Rob."

The General drew a deep breath and started at the beginning. He tried not to get bogged down in detail that Jo really didn't need to know and just gave her an overview of the missions Peter played a vital role in. She did become a bit agitated when Hogan recounted the mission where Peter had taken his place at the last minute and ended up being captured by the Gestapo; the General quickly reassured her that he didn't suffer any torture or abuse on that occasion and that the team rescued him quickly. She laughed along with Hogan as he recounted how frustrated Peter had been to be laid up with a bad cold for the entire week afterwards.

"Louis pulled him through and nursed him back to health, as always. Carter helped too. We usually didn't bother Wilson with the minor stuff. I don't know what we would've done without each other."

"You all may not have survived as well alone Rob. Peter has told me that many, many times. He feels he probably would not have survived his captivity at all if he hadn't met you when he did."

"Well I don't know about that." Hogan embarrassedly ducked his head. "Peter has an incredible deep inner strength, as he's shown time and time again."

Jo just smiled, as she knew better. There was no one in the entire world Peter Newkirk respected more than the man sitting beside her. She knew he had played a huge role in her husband's rehabilitation, if you could call it that. When she and Peter first expressed a romantic interest in each other, Mavis had pulled her aside to tell her how he had come back from the war quite a different person. "If 'e 'adn't changed Jo I'd be warnin' ya off 'im quicker than anythin'. Don't get me wrong, 'e's me brother and I love 'im dearly. 'e's always looked out for me, but 'e's…'e's different…for the better now and 'e needs someone like you to 'elp 'im through life. Peter's a good man."

A good man. Jo couldn't agree more with her sister-in-law's assessment. Hogan's next words shook her out of her brief reverie.

"I'd have to say that there are several others who played a much greater part in Peter's survival than myself."

"Who would that be Rob?"

"Katrin, Manfred and Astrid."

Jo nodded. "I did wonder at first how he got so close to Katrin and her family. I asked him and he told me he had been slightly wounded making an escape attempt and that they took care of him until he was taken back to the camp." She smiled a bit at a sudden memory. "We tried to get over to Germany to visit them whilst we were in Paris on our honeymoon, but it was just too difficult. Transport was still military priority only, the country was nearly completely destroyed, phone lines were still unreliable, petrol supplies were nil. Even if we could secure petrol, we didn't have the funds for a private car so…we didn't go. Peter was awfully disappointed, as he really wanted me to meet Katrin. Since that time, we haven't had the funds to make a visit so the two of them keep in close touch via the post. I swear Peter is the most faithful correspondent I've ever seen when it comes to Katrin."

Hogan shook his head and chuckled, "I don't doubt it. He considers her his second mother. And of course, Andrew's mom is his third mother." He shook his head again. "Peter told you he had only been slightly wounded?"

"It wasn't a slight wound?" Jo's eyes widened in apprehension.

Hogan slid his chair next to Jo's and put his arm around her shoulders as he leaned in. "Not exactly. Let me tell you the real story behind Peter's relationship with Katrin and her family."

Jo felt genuinely dazed after she heard the General's account of that particular adventure, even more so coupled with what she had overheard earlier. She felt like she had been punched in the stomach after the General finished telling her all that her husband had done and endured during his incarceration in Germany. She sat quietly for a long time, simply trying to gather her wits back about her.

"I…I can't believe it Rob. It's so fantastic! It's just…unbelievable!"

Hogan sighed, "I know. Sometimes I wonder if it was all real myself."

She lowered her head and murmured, "That explains why he would sometimes wake up during the night, shaking and drenched in perspiration. One night he shouted in such terror I had to slap him harder than I wanted to just to wake him up. When he finally realized where he was, he collapsed in my arms, weeping as if his heart was breaking, apologizing over and over for upsetting me."

Hogan nodded sadly, unaware of these episodes. He swore to himself to get Peter the help he so desperately needed. "I never knew Jo. Peter never told me. From his letters, everything was fine."

"Well you know Peter, he does have his pride," Jo sighed.

Hogan chuckled. "It's nice to know some things haven't changed." His expression became serious as he spoke again, "Jo, please don't think of me as putting my nose in where it doesn't belong, but what is your and Peter's financial situation?"

The puzzlement must've shown on Jo's face because he quickly amended his words.

"What I mean is, what do you and Peter do for a living, if you don't mind me asking?"

"We don't have what you would call a traditional arrangement, if that's what you mean. I still work as a nurse. I've had to take an unpaid leave of absence to deal with Peter's illness. I'm praying I will still have a position when I am able to return." She smiled fondly as she thought of her husband and his contribution to their family's welfare. He eats National Cheese sandwiches nearly every day for lunch with never a complaint, so that the boys can have a nourishing meal. "Peter stays home and takes such good care of our boys. He receives a small pension from his disability and also takes in tailoring work when he can get it. He really is quite handy with a needle and thread."

Hogan nodded, "Don't I know it!"

"I'm not saying it's been easy Rob, but we get by. Peter seems to be content with being a 'house husband'. He's never complained; I know he loves his sons more than life itself." She sighed and looked down. "Although, sometimes I see him sitting very quiet and still, staring at nothing, with a faraway, wistful look on his face. He's embarrassed when he realizes I've been observing him that way and shrugs it off to the war." She raised her head and looked directly into Hogan's eyes. "And now I know why".

Hogan nodded, now somewhat uncomfortable with Jo's new insight into her husband's past. He could well sympathize with the nature of Newkirk's thoughts during those times. That knowledge only further confirmed the propriety of the plan he had been formulating since even before he received LeBeau's cable.

Their conversation was interrupted by a knock at the office door. Hogan called, "Come in!" and Doctor McFarland stuck his head in.

"May I come in? I don't wish to interrupt, but I think I may have some more good news for you."

Jo's heart skipped a beat at his words and she stared anxiously at McFarland as General Hogan got up to usher him into his own office. The General returned to stand behind Jo; he put a reassuring hand on her shoulder as McFarland leaned against his desk to face the two of them.

"I've been monitoring Mr. Newkirk's condition for the last three hours and I must tell you that I am greatly encouraged by his progress."

Jo started at his choice of words. "Progress, Doctor?"

McFarland nodded confidently as he crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Yes Mrs. Newkirk, I detect a slow, yet very definite progress in his condition. His breathing has marginally yet definitely improved. I am happy to say that my previous opinion was in error and it looks like the antibiotics are finally doing their job."

Jo stared at McFarland, her mouth agape. Her mind whirled crazily as she sought to absorb the doctor's words in tandem with all that General Hogan had just told her. McFarland's news certainly deserved her heartfelt tears of happiness, but she had cried so many lately there were none left. She struggled to answer, "I…I…," when she suddenly dropped her head into her hands and swayed dangerously. Hogan knelt and caught her before she fell out of the chair. He lifted her into his arms and gently laid her onto the sofa on the far side of McFarland's office. The doctor jumped to her side, taking her pulse and checking her pupils.

"I think the news was just a bit too much for her to handle right now Doctor," murmured Hogan.

"I believe you are right General. She has been through a great deal of stress." McFarland stood and went to retrieve a blanket from his desk drawer. He gently covered Jo and motioned to Hogan. "I can stay and watch over her if you like."

Hogan shook his head. "No Doctor, I'll stay with her if you don't mind."

McFarland nodded. "I really need to go back and keep monitoring Mr. Newkirk. Please call a nurse to come get me if you need anything."

"Will do. Thank you Doctor." Hogan walked McFarland to the door and then quietly pulled a chair beside the sofa so he could keep watch over his English friend's most precious treasure.