Hi lovelies! LOOK I'm actually on time for once :) As i said last chapter, I'm trying to work out an updating cadence. I want to go with once a week but I'm a little afraid of how quickly I'll burn through the chapters that I have close to ready to go pretty quickly (then I'd have to scramble). That said - I'm about to go on vacation so this will be the last update for at least a couple of weeks. Sorry about that - it's the weekend of the 4th in the US and I won't have time to update - the goal is to update again on 7/8 or 7/9.
Onto this chapter! As I mentioned last chappy, one of my favorite flashbacks I've done is tucked into this chapter. I swear it wrote itself. I also listened to the song When You Sleep by Mary Lambert basically the entire time I was writing it (most of this chapter really...) Hope you enjoy!
To my reviewers: WhitmanFrostFiend, DirekFrancis, iALLIEgator, Nelson0987, Matyy, the quiet zone, eckomoon, Klarolinebasstiel, scarlett2u, joy, mia, cascia, vaelisia, and all the guests - you're amazing, thanks so much for all the great feedback. I really appreciate it. As a rule I like to respond to everyone's reviews but I decided to prioritize getting this update up instead. I'll try to get to the reviews shortly though!
To my awesome beta kosoul7 - whatever would I do without you :)
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Rated: T
Chapter 20: The Unbearable Truth of White Picket Fences and Certainty
Gwen looked down at her ring; she's happy. It had been a really long time since she'd been this unbelievable happy. She knew she must be grinning like an idiot already but she thought back to last night and her smile grew.
There was never really a moment in her life that she had ever thought she was the type to propose to a guy. Sure she was a powerful woman, confident and even aggressive; but there was something she liked about the idea of the guy proposing. But last night…she could feel his emotions almost like they were her own, always present there next to her even when he was silent. When she walked by him along the river she'd felt a dark twisted snarl of emotion crawl its way through him and suddenly she'd just known what she needed to do and it had been easy, seamless. And she wouldn't change how it had happened for anything – it was their own version of perfect.
Blair could see the smile on Gwen's face the moment she walked into the restaurant. It was so bright that it practically eclipsed the ring on her finger which was hard to do. Taking a deep breath she pushed a smile onto her face and approached the table. "Is that the ring?" She asked carefully measuring just the amount of excitement she allowed into her voice; enough to seem happy, not so much as to seem forced.
Gwen looked up at the brunette and blinked for a moment she was caught off guard. But only a half second later she replaced her look of surprise with a smile. "You knew?" She asked.
"I just had a feeling." Blair spoke, taking a seat at the table. She was almost shocked at the pain and effort it took to keep up the front. She began to give herself a mental pep talk if only to focus the pain somewhere. You can do this Waldorf, come on you can do this. This is going to be your life from now on, if you want to stay here you have to do this.
Gwen watched Blair very carefully to gauge her reaction – this was important, she had to know how much Blair was affected by this. She was shocked that Blair didn't even flinch. "I know I told you weeks ago that I thought he would do it but last night was just…everything I never knew I wanted. I was so glad it didn't happen when I thought it would.
Blair reached out and took Gwen's hand. "Let me see it." The ring itself was stunning; large oval shaped light pink diamond with two bands of tiny rose diamonds. Blair couldn't help but think that it was quite literally Gwen in a ring. "Beautiful. Classic but with such a modern twist."
Gwen tilted her head to the side and slowly taking Blair's hand in hers. She had to ask, that was the only way to really know and there was just so much she wanted to say. "Is this okay? Us I mean, talking about this?"
"We're friends right. It would be weird if we didn't talk about it." Blair spoke, releasing her hand with a smile. She could do this; if she was half the actress she thought she was Gwen would never have to know that inside this was killing her.
Nodding Gwen swallowed. "I know we're friends – and I'm so happy about that – but I also know your history with Chuck. He's proposed to you too, twice actually. I know this has to be weird for you."
Thrice. Blair thought to herself before giving Gwen a reassuring nod. "It's weird in a twilight zone kind of way. I'm fine, I promise. I want to be part of your lives remember. If it were ever too much I could always leave." It actually was almost like the twilight zone; Blair actually felt like she was outside of her own body watching this all happen to other people and she was glad because it helped her cope with the ever present pain.
"Oh thank God!" Gwen exclaimed with a bright beaming smile. She'd been dying all morning to have someone to really talk to about this and no one really got the situation quite like Blair. "Seriously I've been in agony all morning. No one gets it but I feel like you're the one girl I can really gush to, you're the only one that really understands what this feels like, loving him I mean."
For the first time she almost flinched. Hearing Gwen call wanting to brag and gush, 'agony' was insulting. She was the one in agony right now, not Gwen. She knew that Gwen had continued talking but she wasn't really listening. She was certain she could get the full story from someone else later if she really wanted to hear it but right now she had to breathe through this. As Gwen forged onward, gabbing about the magical evening and the proposal Blair felt herself oscillating between letting herself imagine that Gwen was talking about someone else altogether, not her Chuck, not the love of her life; and forcing herself to feel the pain. But this was reality, she had to get used to this. Then maybe one day the pain wouldn't be so crippling; maybe feeling it now would expedite the process. So she smiles and nods and says all the right things, even though on the inside it's killing her.
Finally latching onto a few of Gwen's less painful words Blair spoke. "Wait so you're the one that actually proposed? Chuck must have loved that." Surprising even herself she heard the laughter that rumbled through her words. See she can still laugh…she's fine. She'll be fine.
Gwen nodded her head, finding herself feeling more at ease with every moment. Maybe Blair really was okay talking about this. And it really did just feel so good to talk about with someone who actually realized how much all of this meant coming from Chuck. "Oh believe me he was shocked. Absolutely shocked."
"You don't have to convince me. That's pretty much the last thing I think I would have done in that situation." Blair stated, hearing her pulse and her breathing almost return to a normal rate. She could almost exist in this moment, almost.
Gwen nodded once more, a smile becoming a permanent fixture on her face, even in this more serious moment. "Which is why I did it." She explained. "It was hard for him, to believe enough in us not to think we'd fail, because it's only ever failed for him."
Despite herself, Blair found herself actually thinking about what Gwen was saying. It made sense and even if Chuck didn't still have feelings for her that's exactly how his emotions operated. Once he'd been burned a couple of times, it would always be hard for him to try something again; he just wasn't wired that way. "I do actually get it. Honestly, you stepping in front of him was probably enough because I would have gotten frustrated and walked away. Chuck knows that all too well."
Gwen frowned only for a moment as Blair seemed to disappear in front of her but almost so quickly she thought she'd imagined it, Blair shook herself out of her reverie and smiled.
"So what did you say?" Blair asked. Knowing she'd gotten dangerously close to slipping up for a moment. Once more she was aware that Gwen was talking, she could hear in her tone that she was gaining confidence once more, it seemed like Blair's little tangent had shaken her.
"And then…oh my God the words Chuck actually had planned." Gwen spoke, feeling all of her excitement come rushing back, propelling her forward. She knew she was talking a mile a minute but she couldn't help it so she didn't even really try to slow down.
Blair nodded and smiled, she was fine. She actually was almost fine until she heard the last line. 'I don't promise you white picket fences…' That line echoed within her and while a smile remained plastered on her face and her eyes stayed lit with engagement as Gwen continued to gush, she felt herself slip away into a memory she couldn't keep abated.
"I thought for sure you would have a town car waiting for us when we got here." Blair said with a laugh as she twisted her hair up into a ponytail, while the wind whipped around them as they drove over another hill through the Tuscan countryside in a bright red BMW convertible, with Chuck behind the wheel.
Chuck couldn't help but smile at the look on her face. This was the closest to carefree that he'd ever seen her. She looked blissfully happy and that filled him with a warmth so unbelievably powerful that he could almost cry. She was marrying him, his ring was on her finger, glistening in the sunlight, they were finally together again, this was real, she was his and she was happy. He'd never known that love could feel quite like this – as though he could survive off her smile alone. "Would you have preferred the town car?" Chuck asked a smirk settling on his face.
Blair's head immediately snapped towards him. "Are you kidding? Of course not! This is amazing." She called out rolling her head back against the seat rest and enjoying the view.
Chuck smiled again, yes he could spend the rest of his life making her smile like that – no, he would spend the rest of his life making her smile like that. "I thought so."
Tilting her head to the side once more, Blair met his gaze, barely believing how content she felt in that moment. Her life had been in chaos for as long as she could remember, but this past year had been a new low for her. Over the years she'd lost herself bit by bit, some to her mother, some to her father, some to Nate, some to Serena, and some even to Chuck – but right there in that moment she felt whole again. For the first time in a really long time she felt normal, no better than normal, she felt like life was exceptional. "I will say though, I was shocked that you could actually drive this thing."
At that, Chuck had to laugh. "It's one of only a few things you don't know about me."
Blair couldn't help but scoff – she knew Chuck as well as she knew herself. The fact there was one thing that she didn't know was surprising; that there could be more was almost hysterical. "There's more? Oh do tell."
Chuck shook his head, his tone unfamiliar even to himself. He felt so incredibly lighthearted. "Maybe I don't want to tell you everything all at once. Maybe I want to be mysterious."
Tilting her sunglasses down Blair looked at him over the rims. "Hey, I'm marrying you – I deserve to know everything if I'm going to be your wife."
"So no more mysteries then?" Chuck asked, reaching over and taking her hand in his. The feeling that rushed through him, hearing her say those words…your wife, made everything inside him explode with sensations he never knew he'd feel.
The second his hand touched hers, Blair felt her heart beat quicken. It amazed her how even now he had that effect on her. "At least tell me how you learned to drive."
Chuck smiled to himself. They had the rest of their lives to learn all the little secrets they had left between them and there was nothing that could make him happier than that. But this, he didn't mind telling her now. "Jack taught me. When he was in college, he used to stay with us during his breaks. I was thirteen I think the first time he took me driving. That was back when he was more like my brother than my uncle."
Blair lifted her eyebrows. "So Jack Bass, taught you how to drive? I knew he taught you some…other things but driving was not one that I had pictured."
Laughing Chuck ran his thumb up and down her hand, loving the shivers he could tell he was giving her. It was good that they could talk about Jack now so comfortably, so much had happened since then that it felt like so long ago. They were practically new people. "Yeah, he also took me to get my license, and then for my 16th birthday he took me to a race track and really showed me how to let go, it's great for clearing your head."
Blair couldn't help but be impressed. Almost no one they knew drove – they were from Manhattan after all. "Did you know I don't even have my license?"
"Really?" He asked, trying to mask his surprise. Blair was technically the oldest of their friends, she had to be first to do everything – getting her license hadn't been any different. He thought she'd gotten it as soon as she could just like the rest of them, not that most of their friends ever drove but it was just one of those things you did. Hell he was pretty sure he even remembered the day she went to the DMV – she'd made a huge deal about that stupid red headband that she was sure Serena had taken when she took off. "Why not? I thought you went right when you turned 16, you were all worked up because you couldn't find your headband."
Blair nodded, a smile on her lips that he even remembered the very day she'd gone. "A secret for a secret right?"
Chuck looked at her curiously but nodded. Now he had to know what she was going to say. He was almost tempted to pull over so he could really look at her for this. He had a feeling it was going to be good.
"I failed the driving part of the test." Blair said almost laughing as she said it. The idea of her failing anything was absurd. She'd been mortified of course and sworn at the time that she hated driving and she didn't need a license anyway.
The car halted as Chuck stepped on the break and looked over at her. "You're kidding." He stared at her for a long moment looking carefully for each of her tells. "You're really not joking are you?"
"Nope." Blair spoke, a smile lighting her eyes. "I've never told anyone that. Only Dorota knows, of course that's only because she was there."
An awed smile slipped onto his face. Only Blair would be able to keep something like that secret. "How did you…how did none of us ever notice?"
Blair scoffed. "You say that like we drive or ever use our real ID's anywhere other than the airport."
"Touché." Chuck conceded with a smirk. His smirk broadened as an idea struck him, looking over at her he gave her a half smile and pulled the car to the side of the road. "Come on, switch with me and I'll teach you."
"Chuck…no. I'm good over here." Blair said with a quick shake of her head. But that didn't stop Chuck from walking around the car and opening the door.
Chuck angled himself toward her, practically leaning over her. He placed one hand on her door, one on the side of the car. "It's all clear roads for at least the next couple of hours. We've only seen a few other cars all day. There's absolutely no reason not to…unless you're scared in which case it's…"
A determined look rose to Blair's face as she lifted herself over the console, not even allowing Chuck to finish. "I'm not scared." She spoke as he shot her a triumphant smile.
After fiddling for a moment and careful instructions from Chuck, Blair was moving onto the road, if somewhat jerkily. She could hear her heart pounding and the slightest shake in her hand but having Chuck beside her actually made everything feel okay.
Chuck nodded as he instructed her. "You've got this. Just direct your gaze further out, instead of right in front of the car. That's it. Okay now through the turns, ease your speed into the turn and accelerate halfway through. Good, good. That's it." He could sense that she was starting to get the feel for the road and felt a rush of pride.
"Okay, I think I've got the hang of this." Blair said, trying to keep the nerves from her voice as she drove on down the road.
"Blair, you're driving 30mph."Chuck spoke flatly as he glanced at her. She shot him a look that said 'don't start with me,' but he returned the challenge with raised eyebrows. Blair turned back to the road, jaw set determinedly as she allowed her foot to press down on the gas. "Open her up." Chuck instructed softly as he placed a careful hand on her thigh.
Blair barely registered Chuck's hand; she was so concentrated on the road. But still it instilled a sense of safety Chuck was with her, he was never going to let anything happen to her. Her heartbeat sped dramatically as the car began accelerating as she let her foot press down on the pedal. She couldn't believe the rush that filled her; it was like nothing she'd ever experienced. "Oh my God this is amazing!" She exclaimed as she finally relaxed into the seat.
"Told you." Chuck said with a smirk, slowly rubbing his thumb on her inner thigh.
Blair found herself pressing her foot down a little harder on the gas as she shook her head back and forth sending her ponytail flying about, laughing in a moment of absolute happiness.
Chuck just smiled at Blair. It was so rare for her to let anyone see this side of her. He knew he saw it more than most, the side of her that just completely let go, let herself be free. The reckless abandonment was beautiful to witness. As he watched he even saw a certain innocence emerge; what he wasn't ready for was the sudden surge of protectiveness he felt for that part of her.
"So this is why you drive?" Blair asked finally coming back to the real world. She even began to slow down a little.
Chuck nodded. "Driving clears my head; it helps me remember what's important or in some cases helps me forget."
After a few more moments Blair furrowed her eyebrows before glancing at Chuck. "Any clue where we are?"
Chuck laughed, neither of them had looked at a map or the GPS in at least an hour, she'd been focused on the road and he hadn't been able to take his eyes off her. "No clue."
Blair couldn't help the laughter that peeled from her in waves, pulling to the side of the road she smiled brightly. "Okay you drive, I'll navigate."
Once they were back on track Chuck looked over at Blair and couldn't help but smile. She'd taken her hair back down and her head was leaned back against the seat as she looked at the scenery around them. Her hand was resting in his and she was almost so still he thought she was asleep. "This is how it should have been the first time, three years ago." He spoke sad at the thought of how long he'd spent pushing her away.
Blair flipped her head to the other side to face him and smiled. "No, it's not."
Chuck's eyes widened, was she placating him? "Just think how perfect everything would have been. How happy we would be. All of that time that we've wasted."
"Chuck," Blair started, smiling almost gently. "Three years ago we were a couple of hot messes who had no clue what we were doing. We were children, you'd never had a relationship at all and I'd never been with anyone other than Nate; who let's face it at that point was little more than a childhood crush. We aren't those same people today and thank God for that."
Before Chuck could say more she leaned in. "I mean honestly, do you think we would have made things work? Do you think we would have even survived that summer? We weren't ready." Her smile broadened as she continued; filling with a fresh wave of warmth and emotion. "And if you had gotten on that plane with me, we might not have this, we might never have really fallen in love, had our hearts broken, and helped fix each other. I might not know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And I wouldn't trade that for anything."
All Chuck could do for a long moment was gape as he stared at her. Blair was the type of girl who was constantly in control and as such usually when she said something she was certain about it. But as calm and in control as she always was he'd only seen Blair this certain a few times. Usually he remembered her having this kind of certainty about her plan with Nate; he realized now that certainty came from a place that she'd never had to question before he'd come along. But sometimes he'd see it on her face when she talked about them and that meant so much more. It meant more because it wasn't something that had been laid out for her, it wasn't something that she'd never had to question; she hadn't planned what they had become and with them there had always been questions. So certainty from her about them was big and certainty from her now about their future just days after she'd agreed to marry him was huge.
He could feel the hot sting of tears burning his eyes and all he wanted to do was kiss her. Somehow she managed to turn one of their lowest points into something he didn't hate remembering. She was right, if they'd gotten together then, who knew where they'd be now. Just as he was about to speak, they crested a hill and seemingly out of nowhere they pulled up alongside what had to be the most beautiful vineyards he'd ever seen and it wasn't exactly like he wasn't well traveled. "Whoa."
Blair's eyes widened as she took in the edge of the vineyard, she could see a grand gate rising up ahead, slower now that Chuck had slowed the car to take in the view. Blair looked down at the directions for arriving at the chateau, she wanted to be sure that they hadn't taken a wrong turn because this didn't look like how she imagined the next step looking at all. When she read the words, she couldn't help but laugh. "We're supposed to drive up along the 'white picket fence'."
Chuck looked at Blair, then over at the fence which was much more of a grandiose gate lining the edge of the vineyard. "They call THAT a white picket fence?"
Blair smirked. "Yeah, I almost feel like they've insulted the fence."
Chuck turned his head towards Blair, tilting his head slightly as he observed her. He had heard the slightest ounce of derision in her voice. "Got something against white picket fences, Waldorf?"
Blair shrugged, her lips turning up in what was almost a smirk as they drove along the side of the never ending fence. "I mean don't you? Think of everything they represent. It's everything we hate. The suburbs, monotony, a boring little life, with boring children, a boring house, and a boring marriage filled with boring missionary sex."
A low chuckle rippled through him as he shook his head. "Ready for another secret?" He couldn't believe he was about to say this. Maybe it was her openness with him earlier, or maybe he was just tired of keeping anything from her.
Blair's eyes flashed with interest as she rotated her body to face him. Their game had stopped abruptly earlier with her driving revelation and she knew whatever this one was, it was serious; she could see it in his eyes.
"I used to hate white picket fences too." Chuck spoke, diving straight in. As he did he slowed the car and pulled to the side of the road. "I remember a time with you that I actually despised them because they were the symbol of everything that I never wanted us to be."
"We could never be boring." Blair echoed with a nod of understanding. She knew exactly the moment he was referencing.
Chuck grinned to himself, reaching up and tracing the side of her jaw with the back of his hand, before slipping his hand onto her shoulder and into her hair. "But over the last year I've found myself picturing it. A house maybe not in the suburbs, just somewhere not in the city, maybe in the Hamptons, maybe it's our vacation home." He added with a small smirk. "Or maybe it is in the suburbs, I hear Westchester is nice."
Blair couldn't begin to temper her facial expression, she was too taken aback and she knew right now hers was likely a cross between a smirk and utter disbelief. But she didn't even consider interrupting; she probably wouldn't have even had words.
Chuck continued onward, the words he was saying dancing through his head like the images he'd conjured so many times. He'd seen them form in his mind, becoming more vivid every passing day from the time she'd rejected his first proposal, through the hate sex and their journey to become powerful, and stronger even as he'd watched her get engaged to another man. And now, recalling them was as easy as breathing. "And you're this high powered attorney while I've struck out on my own, out from under the umbrella of Bass Industries. You don't wash dishes or walk around in a dress, pearls, heels, and an apron – unless of course we're playing dress up, which we still do all the time. But maybe, maybe we sometimes cook just because it's something new and fun to do together."
Shaking his head, he continued, silently praying that this wasn't too much – especially what he was about to say next. "And there are these kids running around and they have your hair and my eyes and I already know that I'm going to have to beat the boys off our daughter with a stick when she's a teenager and he's going to be even more trouble than I was. They're spoiled of course, because they're ours, but they're loved. There's even a dog running around in the yard, a mangy little thing because at some point we picked up a stray."
As he finished talking he took a deep breath and smiled at her, noticing that her warm brown eyes were shinning; he could see in those eyes just how much she loved him so he nodded and continued. "So now, I picture the white picket fence. I picture the white picket fence with you. We're never going to be boring, but with you I think maybe I could like the normal thing, with you I could picture us being the type of people that have a perfect life.
Blair swallowed and shook her head. She thought after hearing all of those things she'd feel overwhelmed or something. That was a huge revelation; they hadn't ever even talked about kids before now, not seriously anyway. But she wasn't overwhelmed at all. All she felt was the same love, strength, stability and warmth she'd been feeling all day. And her next words flew straight from her heart past her lips. "I never thought I could be more in love with you than I already was; but hearing you say those things, makes me want them too. I want it all Chuck, I want it all with you. White picket fence or Upper East Side brownstone – all I want is to spend my life with you."
At that a tear did slip from Chuck's eye and he shook his head. That certainty from earlier was back, but now it was shining even stronger than before. She meant it, she really wanted this, the whole thing. "You'll never know how good it feels to hear you say that. All I want, all I need is you – for the rest of forever. And I honestly cannot wait."
Blair could feel tears of her own pooling in her eyes as she reached out and placed a hand on the side of Chuck's face. "Who says we have to?"
"But it was amazing" Gwen says with a shake of her head, "Absolutely everything I've ever wanted."
Blair swallowed tightly and smiled, almost jerking herself from the haze she'd been in. She had absolutely no clue what Gwen had been saying this time, not a single word for the last several minutes. "I really am happy for both of you. You guys are going to be completely and totally un-perfect together." Blair said, throwing in one of the only things she could remember from Gwen's detailing of the proposal.
Gwen smiled brightly as she met Blair's sincere gaze. She wavered for only a moment before deciding that she and Blair had reached a point that she could ask the thing she wanted to ask and it would be okay. "So I know we should really be planning but there's something I have to ask you, something that has been bothering me for weeks now."
"Okay…" Blair spoke cautiously. She didn't know where this was coming from, it sounded like it was completely out of thin air. Had Gwen caught on to something? She hadn't exactly been the most careful person about hiding her pursuit of Chuck; but if Gwen had any idea about that would she have told her about the proposal? Actually…that was something Blair would have done if she were in Gwen's shoes. She would have flaunted the proposal in the competition's face, forced them to listen to it as a way to beat them back. But that wasn't where Gwen was going with this.
"Why did you really leave Austin?" Gwen asked, diving over the side of the cliff she'd been wavering on earlier.
Blair almost choked on the sip she'd just taken of her drink. That was maybe the last thing she'd anticipated. Using her napkin she dabbed at the side of her mouth. Getting her breathing back in check she spoke with furrowed brow. "I told you, things stopped feeling right."
"I know what you told me. Now I want to know the truth." Gwen spoke assuredly. She'd known the first time she and Blair had talked about Austin that Blair hadn't been honest with her, or if she was she wasn't being honest with herself. But she hadn't pushed her on it then. Today she was pushing.
Shaking her head, Blair looked down at her hands. "I loved Austin. I really loved him." Looking back up she met Gwen's gaze head-on. "But the way I loved Austin wasn't the way that I was supposed to. Part of me was hiding in him. I was using him so that I didn't have to face my mistakes."
Nodding Gwen didn't even flinch. She needed to get Blair talking about this; that was the only way to really tell. "Tell me about him"
"You want to know about my ex-fiancé?" Blair asked voice skeptical.
Gwen shook her head, a small smile on her lips. "No, I want to hear you talk about him."
Blair tilted her head curiously but she acquiesced. What was the harm? "He's smart, charismatic, if you didn't know him you'd probably assume he's self-involved; but that's just his confidence. He is arrogant but it's actually kind of charming. He doesn't take himself too seriously. Sometimes he's a total mess." She could feel the smile on her face as she thought back to the way he used to get ready in the morning, he was all over the place.
"He's got this reckless abandon thing going that always seems to catch me by surprise." She continued, thinking back to his pursuit of her. "He wants something, he goes for it. Sometimes he ends up falling all over himself in his incredible optimism." She laughed as she remembered the first time he'd tried to ask her out, he'd been so sure she'd say yes.
Austin had been looking for a book on Transcendentalism when he saw her, LSAT books piled high beside her and an intense look of concentration on her face. He should have known she'd already be back on campus even though they still had three weeks before classes started. He'd taken a summer class on American Literature to fulfill one of the requirements he'd been avoiding. Focusing back on Blair he smiled. God she was beautiful. He hadn't seen her since they landed back at RDU following the Stanford visit. He had been disappointed at the time that she went her separate way so easily at the airport, there was a part of him that thought they were really starting to hit it off in California.
Sauntering forward, Austin pulled out the seat next to her and set down. "Hello gorgeous, miss me?"
Blair didn't even look up from the LSAT practice book in front of her. It was Austin, of course it was Austin. Sure they'd spent time together in California on the Stanford tour; they'd had to with the only other options being those two idiots in their group. But he was like a thorn in her side that just wouldn't go away, he'd texted her a few times after California, he didn't seem to get that they weren't going to be friends. "Hi Austin." She spoke as she rolled her eyes and continued studying, not wasting any more effort even dismissing him.
Leaning forward he propped himself up on an elbow, smiling at her coyly. "Go out on a date with me."
Blair didn't even flinch, didn't look up, and didn't pause in highlighting the line of her text book. This was not entirely unexpected, she was actually surprised though that he'd had the balls to directly ask her rather than just hint at it like he did the whole time they were out west.
When she didn't answer his smile actually grew; she was so maddeningly yet beautifully infuriating. And he couldn't remember the last time he'd been this infatuated. "How was the rest of your summer?" He started. "Hmm…still no answer. Well mine's been pretty great, I got moved into my new apartment. You know the one I was telling you about on Rosemarry?"
He almost laughed that she still wasn't looking up. He really didn't seem to be getting to her at all – the girl was stone cold. So instead he narrowed his gaze and changed tactics. "And I took a summer school class; you know to lessen the overall workload for this semester so I'll have more time to focus on my application and the LSAT of course."
She didn't say anything but her hand paused momentarily - highlighter hovering over the page. Slowly she cut her eyes over to see if he was serious. She'd spent most of the summer in France, she hadn't taken any extra classes, the thought hadn't even crossed her mind.
He couldn't help it he laughed. Finally, success!
"You were joking." Blair deadpanned, her own eyes narrowed even though a feeling of relief was slowly seeping through her.
Austin shook his head. "Not really but the look on your face was priceless. I couldn't help but laugh."
Blair swallowed tightly, feeling her shoulders tighten as she sat up ever so slightly. "So you did take a summer school class?"
"Yeah I took Am Lit. I had to get the credit done and I didn't want to deal with it while trying to balance everything else this semester." Austin answered honestly, happy that she was finally talking to him.
Blair's shoulders visibly relaxed and the creases that had appeared in her forehead dissipated almost immediately. "Oh."
"That's all I get, an 'oh'? What does that even mean?" Austin asked, charming smile firmly planted on his face.
Blair thought for a moment over whether or not she should respond before shrugging. Oh why not, she needed a study break anyway. "All of my Gen Eds were finished either through APs or at NYU or Columbia."
Austin smiled coyly. "Of course – THE Blair Waldorf would never leave a Gen Ed until senior year." He could see she was starting to clam up again and knew he had to keep her riled up or she'd lose interest. "You really thought I was going to be ahead of you didn't you…I could practically feel your fear."
Blair scoffed. "You don't scare me." That wasn't entirely true. He did scare her. He was what was standing between her and Stanford and she didn't have another option, she couldn't lose. But she knew that confidence was at least half projection anyway – it didn't matter if she actually felt confident so long as he thought she did. She didn't even let her mind wander to the other reason that he scared her.
Austin smirked. "Prove it. Go on a date with me."
Blair smirked in return, eyes narrowing. "I don't have to prove anything to you."
"Never thought you'd back down from a chance to intimidate the competition…that's what I am right, the competition?" Austin spoke knowingly.
Blair couldn't help the familiar gleam that sparked in her gaze as she looked at Austin – there were few things she loved more than a no holds barred takedown. "You don't qualify as competition…you're not worthy."
"Bullshit." Austin replied quickly. He was betting she had no clue that he hadn't been asleep on the flight back from Stanford when she'd been talking to herself. It had been so quiet he was almost sure he'd imagined it but he could still hear her words in his head. 'Shut it down Waldorf, he's competition and that's all he ever can be.'
Blair rolled her eyes a smirk settling onto her face. "I mean really, you're just not cut out to go toe to toe with me, don't be offended no one ever is."
"Bullshit." Austin repeated, drawing out the word this time.
Narrowing her gaze, Blair shook her head, feeling herself leaning in. "Miranda rights, go"
This time it was Austin who rolled his eyes. "Seriously Blair we've both had a million Am Gov classes."
Blair lifted her shoulders, a challenge firmly stated on her face. "Do you know them or not?"
Exhaling overdramatically, Austin began. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have a right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you? What Supreme Court case established such?"
Blair barely blinked an eyelash. "Easy, Gideon v Wainwright was Right to a counsel at trial, Escobedo v Illinois held that suspects have a right to an attorney at questioning, but Miranda v. Arizona established that the accused must be informed of their rights in order for what they say to be admissible."
"One case answer would have sufficed." Austin sparred.
Pursing her lips, Blair continued. "Mapp v Ohio"
"No illegal search or seizure." Austin answered quickly before tagging another court case to the end. "Engel v Vitale."
Blair didn't even hesitate. "No forced school prayer - Schenck v United States."
Austin shook his head. "First amendment not protected in cases of "clear and present danger." Deciding to step it up he smirked. "What case is often cited as precedent for marriage equality?"
"Loving v. Virginia." She supplied with a smile. "Which states that 'the freedom to marry, or not marry, a person of another race resides with the individual, and cannot be infringed by the State.' Many consider this precedent for marriage equality by simply stating that the freedom to marry cannot be infringed by the State; though opposition would point out that race is different than sexuality." She'd been caught up in her answer and for a moment had to rack her brain for something else to throw at him. "Marbury vs Madison."
Austin scoffed. "Oh come on you can do better than that! Marbury vs Madison is practically the landmark case of all other cases – it established judicial review." He saw her shrug unphased and wanted to throw her. "Proximate Cause."
"Switching to Torts?" Blair asked, ensuring her voice betrayed nothing.
Austin tilted his head only slightly. God she had a good poker face, she was so good he almost didn't catch that she was stalling. "Are we limited to the Supreme Court?"
"No…" She trailed off slightly. She hadn't taken the second level of torts that Duke taught and she knew he had, it was the text book he had been reading when she'd walked into the advisor waiting area during hell week the day they met. Her father was a lawyer, so was her step dad. Torts were practically part of day to day conversation but she wasn't sure how much she'd know. "Proximate cause means that you must be able to show the harm that was caused by the tort you are suing for. Intentional Torts?"
Austin yawned – he'd already aced two levels of tort and he'd clerked in a civil court one summer – this wasn't even a fair fight. "Actions that are reasonably foreseeable to cause harm." Leaning closer he rested his elbows on his knees. "Defamation?"
Blair met his gaze head on, she wasn't about to back down know, she just had to focus. "Can be either Slander or Libel, tarnishes the reputation of someone via printing or speaking lies. In civil court, the act is enough, in criminal court you have to prove malicious intent." She immediately launched another question, wanting to throw him off. "Elements for proving liability for negligence?"
"Duty of Care, Breach of duty, Directly caused injury, plaintiff suffered damage, proximate cause." Austin supplied almost distracted by how close they were. He could feel the tension the sparing had helped build between them, she was into it, he could see it in her eyes. "What kind of tort is kissing someone against their will?" He asked, voice dropping.
Blair froze for a moment realizing just how close his lips were to hers. She remembered a moment in California when their eyes had met and she'd felt the slightest spark, she shook it off then just like she was going to shake it off now, stupid hormones. "Battery" She replied, hearing the lag in her voice.
"I thought I had you on that one." He spoke slowly, beginning to move closer. "Most people think assault." He added voice dropping as he leaned in.
Blair could smell him, the light mix of cologne and something warm and sweet, her heartbeat had quickened at his proximity and it was only seconds before his lips would have touched hers that she pulled back. "That's a no Davenport."
Austin's easy smile slid right back into face. "Oh come on Waldorf, I think some heat might be just what this little competition of ours needs."
"You're trying to distract me?" She asked, almost impressed. She hadn't even considered his attention was all a ploy to distract the competition, the thought made her see him in a new light and it wasn't necessarily a bad one.
Austin thought for a moment about claiming that's what this was but thought better of it. He could see it, she'd been hurt by a guy in the past, he wasn't going to be anything but upfront with her. "No. Well, not that I wouldn't always be available for a distraction; but no, I don't want to distract you from this." He said gesturing around.
"Then what do you want?" She asked cautiously, immediately suppressing the tiny inner voice that seemed to be happy that his pursuit wasn't a game. She was so not going there.
Austin met her gaze, eyes completely serious. He wasn't smiling this time. "Go on a date with me Blair. Go on a date with me and find out."
Blair held his gaze for a moment before firmly squashing that annoying little voice. "I'm not going on a date with you." She spoke, sitting up straight and shaking her head.
"Maybe not yet, but you will." Austin replied before pulling over one of her LSAT books. "Now where were you?"
She paused for a moment and shot him the strangest of looks. What the hell was he doing?
This time Austin unleashed his most disarming smile. "Come on darling, if you're going to beat me, you're sure as hell going to need to study."
Bringing herself back to the present she shook her head – she couldn't believe she'd just shared that with Gwen. Closing her eyes, she inhaled. For the first time in a long time she had let herself really remember Austin and now it was almost as though he were there with. "But he's kind, he loves his family. His brother and sister are the most important thing in the world to him." She continued with a smile.
"He had the kind of childhood you read about in books the perfect family, loving devoted parents, close siblings, family vacations and normal holidays – but he gets that not everyone had that, he knows how lucky he was." She spoke, noting the big difference between Austin and her circle growing up. He had just as much money as any of the kids she'd gone to high school with, but his upbringing had been so different.
She was lost now thinking about him. "He's loyal to a fault – we have that in common. Once he decides he wants you in his life there's getting him out of yours. He's like that with love too. When he falls in love, he falls with everything inside of him, he doesn't hold back anything – it's actually kind of beautiful." Blair finished, a smile on her face.
Gwen smiled as she nodded. "I thought so."
"What?" Blair asked, the remnants of a smile still on her face as she looked back to Gwen. She'd almost forgotten the other girl was there with her.
"You love him." Gwen responded matter-of-factly.
Blair tilted her head to the side, her tone curious. "I told you that I did."
Gwen shook her head slowly. "No, you're in love with him."
Blair exhaled, forgetting for a moment who she was talking too. "I wanted to be, I wanted to want to spend my life with him; but wanting wasn't enough."
Gwen smiled, reaching out and placing her hand on Blair's arm. She knew she was taking a gamble here but after hearing Blair talk about Austin it really didn't feel like she was. "I know you came back here for Chuck. I'm not the kind of girl who doesn't notice these things."
Seeing the surprise in Blair's eyes Gwen shook her head, speaking again before Blair had a chance to. "I became your friend anyway because I believe in what Chuck and I have. And I think that maybe I'm in a unique position to help you out with something."
Blair's heart was thundering in her ears. She'd underestimated Gwen, even when she'd actively worked not to. For a moment she had to ask herself just how much Gwen really knew – there was no telling really – if she hadn't managed to hide her intentions from Gwen she had a feeling there were things Gwen knew about that Chuck never realized. That didn't mean that Gwen was wrong; and though she couldn't seem to speak or even take her eyes off of Gwen she did manage the smallest of nods.
"You have some commitment issues Blair. I don't mean that as a bad thing – it's just the truth." Gwen explained, her voice soft. "You came back because you started to freak out that you'd made the wrong decision by leaving."
Blair nodded apprehensively. There was no point in hiding that. Doing so would just make her look like a liar at this point.
Gwen continued, her voice still filled with understanding. "And maybe, maybe you did make the wrong decision when you left."
In that moment Blair's eyes were so wide she knew she must look like a total idiot. That was not what she thought Gwen was going to say though at this point she wasn't even sure why she was surprised anymore. "Gwen…"
"No let me finish." She interjected confidently. "What I'm saying is that maybe you did fuck up – but that was a long time ago and each and every one of us…we're different people now." She added with a slow nod. Of course she thought that Blair leaving Chuck was a mistake, Chuck was the love of her life she couldn't imagine a world in which it would ever be right to leave him. But Blair had done it and the course of all of their lives had been different as a result.
Continuing with her train of thought, Gwen didn't hesitate to tell Blair exactly what she was thinking. "And I think…I think you got scared and you ran because you do that when you're scared don't you?"
Nodding, Blair didn't even try to speak anymore. She noticed first that her hand was shaking, then realized it was happening all over. She wanted to stop, to calm herself down but she couldn't do anything about it; a core part of her felt as though she were falling apart.
Gwen could see that Blair was looking frazzled but honestly that just made her feel like she might actually be getting through to her. "But making a mistake then doesn't mean that what you feel for Austin isn't right. Realizing that you're always going to be in love with Chuck, doesn't make the love you have for someone else any less, and it doesn't make it wrong."
Blair was absolutely stunned into silence. Gwen sounded so certain, so strong. It didn't sound like she was just throwing this out there right now, it sounded like she really believed her words. More than that – it sounded like she was knew her words were true. That certainty was enough to surprise Blair into silence.
"You said earlier that you're really happy for us, that all you want is for us to be happy." Gwen continued. "Chuck wants that for you too you know. Even if it doesn't seem like it all the time, he wants you to be happy. So do I of course." Swallowing Gwen found Blair's eyes. "Did Austin make you happy?"
Slowly, Blair began to nod. That was a complicated answer. She still remembered her words to Chuck that day on the beach; she'd thought she was happy with Austin until she was with Chuck again. "I was happy with Austin." She finally spoke. "I really was. But a part of me always thought there was something more. There was always something holding me back from being completely happy."
"Do you think, that just maybe you still felt guilty about things with Chuck and you weren't really letting yourself be happy with Austin? Could it be possible that you were the one holding yourself back?" Gwen spoke, her voice almost careful. She believed what she was saying but this might be the most emotionally tense conversation she'd ever had.
Blair heard the air rush from her lungs in an exhale. Was that possible? Was she the one holding back from Austin? It was true, for a long time she didn't let herself even admit feelings for him, but after she did…she didn't really look back. Not until the Hamptons anyway. Once more she heard her words to Chuck on the beach, 'I'd forgotten what happy felt like.' Chuck was different, Chuck was a different feeling altogether. Before she could form coherent words, she heard Gwen's voice once more.
Gwen breathed deeply before speaking the words she'd been building towards. "Maybe you had to come here and settle things with Chuck once and for all – in order to really let yourself love him, to let yourself be happy."
Blair rapidly blinked the tears back from her eyes, she needed to get control of her emotions. Had she been wrong? Could Chuck have been first love rather than forever love? Was her guilt and fear over how things ended actually holding her back? Could Austin have been the one she was supposed to be with all along? For the first time since coming back she had to seriously ask herself those questions. She had to think this through; she had to figure out if the 'what if?' that had sent her running back was really just a 'what if?'
"Think about what makes you happy, what it is that you really want and ask yourself if Austin can give you that." Gwen finished sincerely, taking Blair's hand in her own. Meeting Blair's gaze she saw what looked like tears sparkling in her friend's eyes. "If he can, maybe you give him a call Blair. Give him a call and figure things out. Maybe there's nothing there, maybe your guy is still somewhere out there. But maybe there is and he's been waiting for you all summer."
When Blair inhaled that time she heard her breath shake. She needed to get her thoughts in order before doing anything but Gwen's words made sense. Her brain agreed completely, there was the possibility that she'd always held back from Austin and now she had nothing left to hold back for. But her heart was less certain. In fact she wasn't sure her heart had heard a word Gwen had said.
"So you're engaged." Nate stated with a one armed hug as he walked into the Palace. It didn't feel like it had been just two nights ago that he'd met Chuck and Dan in this very bar to discuss Chuck's proposal plan.
Chuck couldn't help his smile. "I'm engaged. It's actually finally official."
Nate forced himself to return his friend's smile. He'd promised to stay neutral for at least 3 days, but that was hard, especially after the way Blair had let herself fall apart around them last night. "How does it feel?" He asked, knowing those were the right words to say.
"Like this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, I feel like I'm flying." That wasn't entirely true, sure he felt a certain relief and weightlessness but he felt completely ungrounded, almost as though he didn't know what to do next. It was like he'd been standing on a cliff hanging over the edge and now he was free falling. It was terrifying but it was also the most incredible feeling.
Nate nodded though he wasn't sure he completely understood. With Serena proposing had felt so natural and after she'd said yes he'd just been ecstatic. "It's weird that we're both getting married. I didn't think we'd be quite this young when that happened." He spoke, driving the conversation in a different direction.
Chuck smirked. "You're kidding right? Your mom practically had you engaged at 17."
"That was Blair, that's different." Nate answered without thinking.
Chuck felt the slightest straightening of his spine resulting from a jolt to his stomach hearing her name. Of course it was different. Blair would always be different. Nate had practically been engaged to her at 17; but Chuck was the one who'd married her when they were only 20. "I talked to Blair before I did it. It seriously did not go well." He spoke quickly. Since he couldn't talk to Blair he had to believe that Nate was the one person left he could be completely honest with – though one day he really wanted that person to be Gwen – one day when what he wanted to be honest about didn't involve Blair.
Nate really didn't want to talk about Blair for fear of breaking his promise so instead he diverted. "Are you guys doing any kind of party?"
Chuck scoffed. "Like yours wasn't heinous enough to last us all a lifetime."
"Oh I know, that party was straight from hell." Nate replied quickly. He wanted to add that the fact that Chuck and Blair weren't speaking to each other during the party hadn't helped matters one bit but that topic was exactly what he wanted to avoid.
Chuck's eyes widened in understanding before he tilted his head towards his scotch, thinking things through. "We may do something small, like a dinner with just close friends."
Nate nodded, ready to move to a safer topic like business when Chuck's phone went off, followed quickly by his own. Looking down he withheld a groan. Fate was not on his side today. He looked over the headline quickly before clicking on the video below. "Bonding Moment Between Besties or Simply Drinking with the Frenemy?" He'd forgotten Gossip Girl had her eyes on them full throttle again with Blair's return. It was more than a little annoying.
"Gwen and Blair are planning some sort of gala." Chuck spoke, interrupting Nate's thoughts.
Nate looked back down at his phone. "The video doesn't say anything about a Gala, they're talking about the engagement."
"No Gwen told me that's why they were meeting up." Chuck replied, feeling his brow furrow as a frown settled onto his face.
"Oh," Nate spoke, swallowing tightly before pushing a smile onto his face. He could do this, he had to for Blair. There wasn't much else he could do for her right now; he had to at least try to do this. "Well Blair looks like she's doing okay with it."
Chuck looked up at Nate before rewatching the video in his hand. He swallowed before shaking his head, hating how much he could see. "No she really doesn't."
Even Nate had seen that but he was trying to keep his stupid promise. He should have known that if he could tell so could Chuck. Digging deep inside to find his inner douchebag Nate forced himself to focus, a disarming smile on his face. "Come on man, she's smiling. Not to mention she's actually sitting there listening to the proposal. Maybe she's not as keyed up about all of this as you thought."
Chuck ran his fingers through his hair and closed his eyes tightly; not that that helped, he could still see the video playing on repeat in his brain. "Her hands, one is balled so tightly that when she unclenches it, she'll have tiny white half moons where her nails were cutting into her skin." He started before exhaling through his nose and continuing. "The way she's rotating her ankle around means she's anxious and having trouble sitting still."
Opening his eyes, he met Nate's before pointing to the screen of his phone. "The curve in her spine right there, every time it straightens she shivers with a pain I can almost see; hell it's a pain I can practically feel." Pressing play he waited for a moment before pausing again. "The lines between her brows means she's focusing, probably on not screaming and running the other direction or clawing Gwen's eyes out. And that…the way she smiled right there means she's lying. The corners pull back so far you can see a glimpse of her wisdom teeth – that's her tell." As the video played on he had to focus on dissecting it like a sociology project, anything else might cause him to break. "And you see that shudder, that one right there. That means that she's in so much pain she can't focus it anywhere, she had to find an outlet and that's it."
Nate had seen she was in pain and he'd even noticed some of those same things this morning, but the way Chuck could detail her every emotion by her body language was startling. It was shocking how well he knew her. Nate didn't have much left in the way of helping Blair but he had to give it one last shot. "Well she was fine this morning." Nate replied, trying to direct Chuck away from the idea of Blair being in pain.
"This morning." Chuck spoke slowly, questioningly. His mind was racing quickly behind a mask he threw up for Nate. Nate had been with Blair this morning, Nate had talked to Blair. And now Nate was lying to him about Blair.
Fuck. Seriously Fuck. Nate thought to himself as he rushed to try to cover. He should have known better to even hint that he'd been with Blair. "Yeah Serena spent the night there, so I saw Blair this morning."
"Why?" Chuck asked immediately. "Serena knows her way home from Blair's apartment doesn't she?"
Nate swallowed tightly. "I had breakfast there." He didn't want to lie but he didn't know how not to without doing exactly what Blair asked him not to do.
"Okay…" Chuck said, not quite believing what Nate was saying. But he could also sense that he wasn't actually lying to him. Nate had a tell too, it was this look that always hit his downcast eyes while he ran a hand through his hair and Chuck hadn't seen it yet. "And Blair really seemed to be okay, she wasn't upset at all?" He pushed further. He had to be so direct that Nate couldn't lie, even by omission.
The intensity of Chuck's gaze was actually frightening but Nate forced himself to meet it, shaking his head slowly.
"Then why did she call Serena? And why did Serena stay over?" Chuck questioned rapidly, not sure where this was coming from. There was a part of him that had taken over. If Nate had seen Blair, if Nate had spent time with her, then he had to know, he had to know how she felt today. "Did you bring them breakfast? What time did you go over? Maybe she'd already pulled herself together. She really didn't say anything to you?"
That time when he flinched Nate didn't react fast enough. Chuck's questioning had been so full throttle that he hadn't had time to react before his hand was suddenly running through his hair while he tried to form words.
There it was, his tell. "Nathaniel…" Chuck spoke leadingly.
Exhaling Nate shook his head in defeat, meeting Chuck's gaze briefly before turning away. "Okay so I spent the night there too, so did Dan."
"She wasn't okay was she." Chuck stated, feeling emotions he didn't want to feel rush through him. So Blair was as destroyed as he'd thought he'd witnessed the day before and Nate…Nate had lied to him about it.
"No, she was inconsolable." Nate responded immediately. At this point there wasn't a reason to hold back, Chuck already knew.
Chuck's gaze narrowed slightly as he looked at Nate. "She let you see her fall apart?" That wasn't something Blair did, not with anyone but him.
Nate exhaled through his nose. "She couldn't hold herself together long enough not to." Once the damn was open Nate couldn't seem to stop. He'd probably answer any question Chuck wanted to ask; he'd been holding back all his thoughts on Blair's breakdown so far that now that he'd said something it was like all of it was rushing out.
"How much pain is she in?" Chuck asked seriously.
"Chuck you don't need to do this. Whether you're relishing her pain or you're feeling guilty because of it, just stop!" Nate spoke, his voice growing stronger, more forceful. Why did they keep doing this to themselves? At this point it was getting ridiculous.
Chuck shrugged his shoulders. "Why do you care what I do? Weren't you the one just pushing me to think about everyone's feelings in this?" He asked, calling back to their conversation not so long ago. "That's just what I'm trying to do. I don't want her to be in pain, I want her to be happy, it's just not me that she's meant to be happy with. It hurts me to see her like this." He spoke honestly.
"Which is why she didn't want you to know!" Nate exploded.
Chuck stopped short of what he was going to say next. That wasn't what he thought Nate was going to say. "She what?"
Nate exhaled. "Blair. She made me promise not to tell you how fucked up about this she is. She doesn't want you to hurt because she's hurting." He couldn't help the relief that filled him not carrying that around anymore. He was really bad at promises and even worse at secrets. There was really no accounting for why anyone told him anything anymore.
"God damn it!" Chuck roared.
"Uhh Chuck." Nate tried to interject, looking around the bar where all eyes were now trained on them.
Chuck didn't even let Nate begin talking. "Why does she have to go and do shit like that? Shit that reminds me just who she really is. Shit that reminds me that she's Blair." He couldn't contain his frustration, it was pouring out of every orifice.
Nate titled his head slightly as he tried to understand Chuck's angle. "She is Blair." He spoke, his own voice calm.
Chuck closed his eyes tightly; forcing back the strange stinging behind his eyelids. This was supposed to be the good part. He was supposed to finally be free and for a few hours he had been; but right now his inside was tied up in knots. "Sometimes…sometimes I just wish she weren't. This would all just be so much fucking easier."
Blair exhaled as she walked into the apartment. Sometimes she really missed Dorota. She would like nothing more right now than to go upstairs and not deal with the fact that she had to straighten up the apartment form the mess they'd made last night. But right now she was absolutely exhausted. The emotional roller coaster of a conversation she'd had with Gwen would have been bad enough but then they'd had to really dig into planning out the gala. And they still weren't done, Gwen was coming over on Sunday and they were going to knock the rest out. She felt even more exhausted just thinking about it.
And she still wasn't sure what she was going to do about Austin. She'd been so sure she was right to leave. Chuck was THE one, no one else would ever compare. But if it were true, if she really just needed closure she still didn't know what that meant for her and Austin. She needed some time, to think, to feel, to figure out where she was; before she made any kind of decision.
She slid off her shoes and dropped her keys at the side table by the door by rote. After a moment she reached up to turn on the light needing to assess the damage. Turning around the breath fled her lungs. There were rose petals littering the floor and he was sitting there near the foot of the stairs, in her apartment. He stood when he met her gaze and couldn't help but smile. He didn't even pause before getting down on his knees at her feet and pulling out the engagement ring that had been on her finger not so very long ago.
Blair's eyes widened so far that she felt dizzy; looking down at him she felt a hand go straight to her heart noticing its rapid beat as she gasped. The only word she could even begin to manage was his name.
"Austin."
Okay...well there it is. I know I was hinting pretty heavily that Austin might show up - I hope it was still a bit of a surprise that he appeared so soon.
Funny that Gwen thinks proposing was the least Blair like thing she could do isn't it ;)
Also - I recast Gwen and Austin. I FINALLY found actors that completely embody them. Pic links on my profile under the Life and Lies section. Lili Reinhart is a little young but her look is just perfect. Bob Morley is just perfect for Austin - I'm so surprised it took me so long to realize it. Lastly I finally officially cast Steph!
Anyway - hope you enjoyed. Reviews are love. I can't wait to know what you all think!
xoxo
kate