Jacob's POV

I tried. I failed.

I kissed those lips, thinking that it would get that adorable laugh out of my head. I ran my hand through that hair, hoping it would push away the image of her little hand enveloped in mine. I said that I loved that girl, assuming that it would ultimately cancel out the adoration had for the one I would do anything for.

But now that one is gone.

And I cannot live life without her.

I can't even live life without her memory.

And I would do whatever it took to het her back …

I never noticed the giant water stain on my bedroom ceiling that made the drywall sag. It drooped right over where my dresser stood, probably from some rainwater that had snuck through the cheap roofing job. One reason I had never really noticed before was probably because its way to girly to be contemplative. You always see those girls in movies lying down on their bed in times of denial and staring up as if she thinks that, all of a sudden, the answers to all the questions in the world will magically begin to write themselves on the plaster.

Times were crazy, though. So I was more than allowed to be contemplative if I wanted to be.

Breaking my train of thought, the sound of my father's wheels squeaked on the linoleum floor in the kitchen, instinctively making me look down at my doorway. And I groaned in pure hatred of myself.

Not even I knew what I was thinking last night. Enraged, I stormed into my room, slamming the door right of the hinges and punching a hole two times the size of my head in the wall. If only I had decided to be pensive then; maybe, I would've stopped myself before I did something that stupid. The last thing my dad needed was one more thing to add to the list of repairs for this ratty old house we lived in. The place was already a dump as it was – and I just made it worse.

It was impulse, mostly, which is usually what us wolves blame our mistakes on. Quil, Embry and I had just got back from the Italy trip – we were loudly walking through the front door, trashing the Volturi and cursing them under our breath, when the phone rang and my dad went to get it.

It was Dr. Cullen. And, when he called, it was almost never a good thing.

Chief Swan had been attacked in his own home – even worse, by a vampire. My dad and Carlisle discussed his medical condition and all first, talking about what the possibilities were and what the plan of action was shaping up to be. Renesmee was more of an afterthought: "Oh, by the way, I forgot to mention, Renesmee's missing."

My temper suddenly grew a mind of its own.

If Embry hadn't seen it coming and shoved me out the front door before I phased on the fly, I would've gone wolf in the middle of the living room, probably snapping the entire place to the ground. After rampaging around for awhile (and nearly demolishing the Chevy), I came back – only for more infuriating news: the Volturi were the ones who took her.

… Last night wasn't exactly my proudest moment.

To make matters worse, Leah was on my back about a bunch of stuff. I got a call from her around ten o'clock asking where I ran off to. (For all the guys out there who are prone to making mistakes with their girlfriends, avoid this crucial mistake: if you are going to another country to demolish a clan of vampires with your pack of werewolves in which your girlfriend is involved, TAKE HER WITH YOU.) Her first conclusion was for the most part predictable: I was becoming too attached with the Cullens.

"I'm finally on good terms with them," I had tried to explain to her. "We don't hate each other with burning passions anymore … well, at least not as much as we did before. They're really great once you get to know them, especially Edward."

There had been a long pause before her voice buzzed out of the receiver again. "Are you cheating on me?"

"… What?" Where did that come from? "Who would I be cheating on you with?"

"Oh, I don't know …" Her voice had lingered for a moment and then lowered. "… Edward?"

"Leah! I'm not gay!"

… That was an awkward conversation. And we hadn't really ended things on a positive note. My dad kept urging me to go visit her. But, I just couldn't – not with the way things were going. I needed to devote myself to Renesmee's rescue 100%. I wouldn't come out of this without her – I couldn't fail Nessie, or Edward, or Bella. Especially Bella. She deserved this much from me; she needed my help.

I had never expected myself to rely so much on the bloodsuckers. It still grossed me out to even be in the same room as them, but I was able to tolerate it, able to control that volatile instinct to kill them all.

The pack still came foremost, though – a critical part of who I was and who I would become was my brothers. But, now that I thought about it, there wasn't much more than that; what friends did I have other than the pack and the Cullens? There was that girl in my Chemistry class that laughed at all my jokes and there were those guys in my gym I talked to a lot during weightlifting, but other than that we were a select group, separate from the rest.

I thought back to before I was a wolf. Sam looked like the god at the head of his little cult that followed him around. Now I was in the pack and I looked like one of the followers, one of the lovesick puppies that trailed behind him. I wondered if anyone else realized how serious of a predicament we were in. Did they realize they were rubbing shoulders with lethal monsters?

Probably not.

But we all knew the stories, the "fairytales" – we were raised off them. But all the other non-believers thought it was a bunch of rubbish, just some insanity that our bedridden elders made up for the hell of it. I knew better, though; we all knew better. The Pacific Northwest was a boiling hot spot for the supernatural and only an elite few knew about it. I bet all the directors down in sunny Hollywood knew about it too. They make movies like Dracula and Wolfman as horror films for the humans and as comedies for the rest of us.

And the humans were too thick to even realize it …

"Jake!" My dad called loudly, snapping my thoughts like twigs. "I see a tornado brewing up the driveway."

I bolted up off my bed in instant, bursting down the hallway and pressing my face up against the glass of the front window. Leah was wearing pink and blue Pokka-dotted pajama pants that flapped in the breeze and her pony tail sashayed back and forth as she made her way furiously up the gravel drive. I knew that face – I recognized it like a mouse recognizes a hawk circling above it.

I sighed, knowing death was imminent. "Dad? Do you think there's enough time to dig out a bomb shelter before she reaches the front door?"

"You're on your own, son," He grinned as he made his way down the hallway to his room. I heard his door creaking shut as he chuckled, "You will be dearly missed."

I cussed under my breath just as her iron fist collided with the front door, nearly breaking it down. I moved to answer it, but she let herself in, knowing the door was always unlocked.

"Italy!" She exploded, her eyes ablaze. I had fought killer newborns, been on the edge of razor sharp teeth, come face to face with death, but I don't think I'd ever been more terrified in my entire life. "Italy!"

"Who told you?" I fell down onto the couch, staring up at her innocently like a puppy who didn't know what he did was wrong.

"Seth blabbed to me when we were watching America's Got Talent," She put her hands on her hips – she meant business. "I'm not so much worried about the fact that you possibly could've hooked up with a bunch of foreign girls or that it was all for the sake of the vampires. What kills me is not only did you not tell me about it, but no one told me about it! It was an affair of the pack, and I am part of this pack; why was I not involved?"

My wording had to be perfect. "Some of the younger wolves stayed behind, to guard the home front, you know?"

"Well, I am not a younger wolf! I'm one of the prime," She chided, her volume rising. "And even though I didn't want to resort to this conclusion, I can only assume you left me behind for one reason: just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I'm weaker than Paul or Embry or Quil."

"The fact that you're a girl meant nothing," I shook my head. "You just weren't there when we …"

She interrupted me, "And you thought it was safe to bring Seth! What if he got hurt!"

"He didn't," I shrugged. "No one did. And a fight didn't even happen … which was disappointing …"

"So you wanted a fight!" She retorted. Before I could reply, she kept going like a firecracker, "You know, that's just like you Jacob – no, that's just like any guy. I can't trust you! You hide things from me …!"

I put up my hands defensively. I wouldn't let her falsely accuse me. "I don't lie to you, Leah. I've never lied."

"But you decided not to tell you were leaving," She shot back. "You also forgot to mention that Charlie Swan's home was broken into or that Renesmee is missing …"

She kept talking, but I didn't process the rest of it.

My mind was too busy imagining what life without Renesmee would be like … I couldn't do it. All I could picture was a hell of a lotta heartbreak. My only love before Nessie was Bella, and before Bella I still believed in cooties. All I had ever known was love I couldn't reach – and if Nessie was never found, then she, like her mother, would forever remain out of my reach. To never hold her, never kiss her, never tell her I was in love with her and to have her say it just as passionately back … it was unbearable to even think about.

"… Our relationship won't work if you don't remember that, Jacob," She exhaled, summoning me back to reality. "Okay?" She reached up for me but I snapped away reflexively. That's what we wolves always based our actions on: impulse.

"No," I shook my head. My voice sounded as if I were choking on my tongue.

"What's wrong?" She asked softly, confused.

"No," I repeated, looking down and clenching my hands into fists so hard I thought they would begin to bleed. "No, Leah, this isn't gonna work out anymore."

"W-what?" Her strong voice quivered.

"We both knew that this was just a test for me," I looked down. The fact that she was taller me feel weak in the knees for some reason, so I had to stand. "I only went through with this to see if I could love someone other than her. And for awhile it worked. But now it can't. Not with Renesmee missing. We can't. We can't do this …"

The tears began to stream down her face. "You can't do this to me …. Not again …"

I had never really broken up with someone before, and as soon as the tears started to fall, I felt my cold heart melt into slush. I tried to keep a straight face and smooth, collected voice, "All relationships end."

"But ours wasn't supposed to!" Her sadness was immediately replaced by rage and her tears then burned out of her eyes instead of just falling. "We had something! You were the only member of the pack that had a shred of respect for me …!"

"We all respect you, Leah," I tried to tell her. "We've always respected you."

"No, you haven't!" Her sobs clogged her throat, but she ignored it. "All of you treat me like the weakest link! … I'm stronger than all of you!"

I reached out for her mechanically. Again: instinct. "Leah, please …"

"You can't leave me for her, Sam!" She blurted.

And that's when the full post-breakup guilt hit me straight in the gut. "… Sam?"

She shook her head, her silent cries increasing as she acknowledged her slip of the tongue and discarded it. "Damn you," She muttered under her breath. "Damn imprinting, damn Renesmee, damn the Cullens …"

I couldn't let her go on. "Leah, c'mon, you don't have to blame them. They have nothing to do with this."

She ignored me, moving towards the door. "Damn Sam, damn those freakin' Italians, and damn you, Jacob Black."

"Leah, don't leave this way," I moved forward.

"Have fun looking for that baby you love so much," She pushed her way out the door as I inanely tried to follow her. "And, when you do find her, tell her I hate her."

"Leah!" I shouted after her heatedly as she broke out into a run towards the woods.

I could've followed her – and there was no doubt in my mind that I would've been able to catch up – but, to be honest … I didn't want to.