Pains of Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N:

Chapter 21 (Leap of Faith)

That night, after dinner, Trina reclined in her favorite chair with a glass of rosé wine and a book. To her right were the papers that Andre had given her earlier, showing the information of the gym that was ready to be sold.

She reached over, delicately touching it with her fingers and furrowing her brow. She wanted more than anything to do this, but she was frightened. She'd gotten so used to the normal that she'd been in for so long that she didn't know if doing something else would work. Though, she'd been taking so many risks lately that maybe now was the right time.

Andre was right about one thing, she wouldn't be able to afford everything on the salary she had right now. As of now, she barely had her own home anymore, having given her apartment to Tori, who officially took over the rent. Gloria was doing everything she could; but her reach only extended so far.

Trina had to take action, and she had to take action now. She wasn't willing to lose her daughter because she didn't make enough, at least, the thought of that was terrifying. "I've gone too far to let my current decisions cause me to lose her again. If I don't make enough now, I need to make more…" She loved her job, sure, but it wasn't her passion.

Part of her always felt like there was something missing, some lack of satisfaction and fulfillment; but she never considered why until now. In her mind she saw one of her many idols, Rhonda Rousey, and she pondered what she would do.

"What do you think?" The vision seemed to answer. Closing her eyes, she watched her idol stretch out a powerful arm and flick her finger out. "Where have you been? What have you done? You wanted to join the ranks one day, to be a professional athlete, and you're cleaning school floors? I'll mop the floor with you!"

Standing beside her, she saw the woman she'd wanted to be ever since she was a little girl. Arms crossed, this woman stood strong and a firm glare was cast from her stern expression. Her hair was tied in a neat ponytail, hanging just over her shoulder. "You've wasted your life, wasted your years. Gave us up. You have a choice, you're at a crossroads. Make your choice, don't look back. Risk it all or risk nothing because of fear." The athlete in her sneered, her already sharp eyes only seemed to sharpen further. "What's it going to be, Custodian?"

"Mom?" Trina's eyes shot open as she felt someone pushing her knees. Glancing down, she saw Rachel standing between her knees and looking up inquisitively. Her heartbeat skipped as she slowly rubbed an eye.

"W-What did you just say?" She hadn't quite processed fully, but she was almost certain Rachel just called her 'mom'.

"Mom." Rachel raised an eyebrow as Trina started to grin. "You're not gonna make a big deal out of that are you?"

"You've never called me mom before." Her heart rose sharply and she leaned forward, hugging Rachel tight. Rachel laughed out and hugged her back. After a few quick moments, she leaned back and furrowed her brow. "What's going on? Is everything okay?"

"Couldn't sleep. Thinking too much."

"Oh, I know those nights." She clicked her tongue and shook her head. When she was younger, and even now, her thoughts would be going a mile a minute and she couldn't shut off her brain. "What's on your mind?"

"Well." Rachel stroked her chin for a minute, looking off a bit. "I was wondering if you and Mr. Harris are going to start dating." Trina raised her eyebrows and Rachel looked up at her with a curious glance. "Ophelia and I heard you talking. We really enjoy spending time together, and I like Mr. Harris a lot too, so I was wondering about that. I don't know a lot about whatever dating is, but it seems important."

Trina laughed and started to nod. "Dating, well, its spending quality time with someone you really like; but there's more to it. You can spend quality time with a friend and it isn't considered dating." She didn't know how to explain it, not to a twelve year old child that wasn't quite at that point yet. She wracked her brain to think of how to possibly explain what dating was. "I'll be honest, I'm not sure how to explain it other than when you have someone that you'd like to get to know on a more intimate and personal level, you start to spend time with them and do things that both of you enjoy." Rachel hummed a bit and nodded, seeming to understand.

"So if you like someone and want to get to know them better, you might go on a date?"

"Yes, something like that…but there's a deeper connection to it, one that I'll admit is difficult for me to explain."

"Do you like Andre?" She paused, thinking about all the times Andre had been there for her throughout the years. No one else had quite been the person that he'd been. She admired him a great deal, and the attraction was there.

id "I would say yes. The attraction is there. That's the difference between going to a movie with a friend and going to a movie with someone you're attracted to as a date. Again, I'll admit, there's a very complex thing to it all…"

"Okay."

"But I am going to go out with him."

"I was thinking about something else." Rachel moved a few feet away and started to pace a bit, her lips curling and her eyebrows closing to the center. "I remember at the orphanage, hearing a couple staff members talking. They were talking about this whole friend thing, what was it called? Friend zone thing?" Trina let out a sore chuckle and closed her eyes.

"Yeah, that's something you don't want to pay attention to."

"One of them said they thought it was weird because you're supposed to be best friends with the person you're married to."

"The whole friend-zone thing, yeah, for the most part it's an excuse." Rachel raised an eyebrow and Trina crossed her arms. "Some people will say 'we're too much like friends' and that's what the friend-zone is. It's more of an excuse people use when they're afraid of rejection or a potential breakup that could cause them to lose a friend. They use friendship as an excuse not to take a risk."

"You and Andre are friends."

"Yes." She laughed. "Really close friends."

"So you're friends. You like him, and he seems to like you. You're happy around him." Rachel smiled brightly. "I like the idea of you two spending more time together!" Trina's heart skipped so that she nearly leapt for joy. It was as much of an approval from her daughter to date someone else that s he thought she'd get.

At the same time, Rachel never truly knew her father. Trina was aware how some children felt about their parent dating again after the loss of another parent, but this was a different circumstance. "You would be okay with it, Rachel?" Rachel pursed her lips and gave her a curious glance. Trina took a deep breath and shut her eyes. "I know you never knew your father, but…"

"It's okay. Really, it is. I think I know how you mean." Trina raised an eyebrow, unsure how Rachel could possibly understand. "Some volunteers at the orphanage were talking once." Rachel tilted her head. "An older lady remarried and was talking to another volunteer about advice because their kid wasn't giving their stepfather any time of day. She felt like maybe her kid thought their stepdad was replacing their real dad or something…I don't worry about that sort of thing."

Trina couldn't help but to chuckle, her heart lifting up even more. She was surprised, yet not surprised at the same time that Rachel could have learned from volunteers and staff members at the orphanage just chatting. She did seem to be very observant.

"Ijust met you, and Dad's not even alive. Why would I worry about whether or not you date somebody?"

Her response rendered Trina speechless. She hadn't thought of it in that way before, and truth be told hadn't worried as much about it as some might. Perhaps she considered herself fortunate Rachel wasn't one of those types of kids; but she knew Rachel hadn't had the type of connection others did.

"What do you think about me opening up a business and doing some coaching?" It wasn't a question she thought a girl Rachel's age would understand, but still she was curious. The child looked at her, studying her for some time before speaking a word.

"Will you be happy?"

"I believe I will."

"Then okay, if you're happy…Isn't that what matters?"

"I suppose so." She smiled. Of course there was more to it, but why burden the child with all the external details? "I was an athlete when I was younger. I still am, I still do a lot of boxing here and there, but it was a big part of my life. It was a passion. I gave a lot of it up because I was trying to take care of your aunt."

"Oh. So, you want to go back and do those things again?"

"I do…"

"So what's keeping you?"

Once again, Trina was speechless. She didn't know how to respond to Rachel's question, especially since she didn't know for sure. The fact of the matter remained: She enjoyed her job, but didn't feel like it would be enough. Even still, she was scared, she wasn't anywhere near being a professional athlete; so how could she provide for Rachel on uncertainty? There was a great deal to think about.

Rachel picked up the papers from nearby and studied the gym carefully. Trina steadied her breathing and watched as the girl raised her head. "Is boxing a safe sport?"

"It can be. I've always been into MMA." Rachel's brow furrowed and Trina smiled at her. "Mixed Martial Arts, it combines various forms of fighting from kickboxing to taekwondo, krav maga, and so on. I've been going to that gym for a long time, but there are other gyms I like to go to as well."

"I've seen boxing on television, they don't have any safety gear at all."

"Professional fighting is much different, I train in amateur boxing, so we have protective gear. As a matter of fact, I was going to go and let off some steam there tomorrow. I haven't done any training in a while."

"Can I come? I want to watch."

Trina tapped her chin for a moment. There wasn't any harm in Rachel going to the gym with her and watching a bit. If she wanted to go, she was certainly welcome. "I suppose you can…"

They left fairly early the next day to try and beat traffic, it was a quiet drive with all the thoughts on Trina's mind. For some reason, David insisted on joining, despite Trina assuring him all she was going to be doing was training and they didn't have to watch. Though, she guessed he wanted to get out of the house for a bit.

Inside, she didn't see her friend, the old owner, but she had a feeling he was around. She got suited up, wearing a pair of black track pants with a red stripe and a black sports bra. Her hair was done in a ponytail and she wore a black helmet and donned a pair of black boxing gloves.

Her opponent was another woman with short brown hair and had the physique of a bodybuilder. Her face was long, her jaw strong, and she had a sharp nose centered between two sharp brown eyes. "Alright Nancy, you ready to go?" Nancy smiled and gave a swift nod, though Trina noticed the playful smirk on her face.

"We've got an audience today?"

"Yeah. My dad insisted he come." Nancy closed her eyes and grinned, nodding for a second. "Also, that's my daughter sitting next to him." Trina motioned to Rachel, who waved proudly. Nancy's thin eyebrows rose and the woman gasped a bit.

"You have a daughter? You've never brought her out here before."

Trina shrugged. "It's a bit of a long story. I'd tell you over a beer sometime."

"It's usually busy at the bar during my shifts."

"True. That's my baby girl that I gave up for adoption." Trina cleared her throat and folded her arms. Nancy nodded, familiar with the tale. A tiny smile stretched across her face. "I found her recently, and she's been going from foster care to foster care. I decided to bring her back into my life. I couldn't be happier."

"I'm happy for you." Trina outstretched her arms, then bent her elbows. She spread her feet out and waited as Nancy copied her pose. The pair preferred to talk while sparring. "I'm a bit concerned though. Are you going to be able to take care of her?"

"I'm going to try my best, I know I need to be there for her." Nancy threw a left jab. Trina threw her arms up before her face, then pushed out with her right arm. She quickly countered with a right jab to the stomach. Nancy grunted and shifted to the right. "I know finances aren't the greatest right now."

"You're living with your father and working as a head custodian. I know people are capable of doing just that, but children services are very picky and very particular."

"I know." Trina performed a swift uppercut, causing Nancy to lean back to avoid. Nancy countered with a left punch, striking downward and hitting Trina in the shoulder. Trina ducked and lifted her knee, to which Nancy pushed down with her hands to push her leg back. "Andre made a suggestion, one I'm really considering."

"Oh?"

"He thinks I should take ownership of the gym. Work here, train and teach here while subbing part time for the school district." She threw another punch, striking Nancy on the right. Nancy slid backwards, smiling a bit.

"I think that would be a great idea you prefer the athletics anyway."

"I figure I can do well as a substitute coach. P.E. most likely, but I can coach team sports too. Baseball more than anything else…"

"Baseball, huh? Like your father, right?"

"Right." David taught her to play baseball when she was a child, and she actually managed to join an early women's baseball team in college. It was something that the state of California was trying their hardest to incorporate.

They continued their sparring match for a while, both dealing strikes and both blocking several. Eventually, in the corner of her eye, she caught an old man with a grey beard and blue track suit walking into the room. "Shepherd!" The pair stopped their match and faced him. The man grinned at them and slid a hand over his balding. "I heard you're selling the gym."

She walked forward, her eyes wide. Shepherd frowned and started to nod. "I'm afraid the rumors are true. I've been having heart problems lately and can't get around the way I used to. I've got a lot going on medical wise and just need to retire to focus on that." He put his hands to his hips and let out a heavy sigh. "Oh if only I can give this gym to somebody I trust." His eyes flickered up to her and she raised an eyebrow at him.

Nancy walked forward and smacked her hand down onto Trina's shoulder. "You heard the rumors, Shep?" Shep's smile broadened and he started to nod.

"I've heard a little something…"

"What?" Trina spoke loudly and with surprise. "How?"

Shep started to laugh. "A little birdie came by and said he might talk to you about it." Her eyelids fell halfway and she started to chuckle, knowing all too well who he meant. "I've always said, that Andre has your best interests in mind it seems. I think you would take care of this gym extremely well, you deserve it. You've spent nearly every day of the last decade here, you know the ropes and what it takes…if anyone bought this gym, I wouldn't trust them to take care of the place half as much as I trust you."

"So you say." He was right, she knew this place like the back of her hand. She would be able to ensure it was clean, she knew where everything was, and had the managerial experience to supervise anyone. Her voice lowered a bit as she reached behind her neck. "And I just got my daughter back too."

Shepherd's eyes widened, being close enough to hear. "You've got your daughter back?" He let out a gasp and put his hand to his chest. "Dear lord, you'll give me a premature heart attack. You should bring your child here some day!" Trina laughed nervously while removing her gloves. She pointed over her shoulder.

"I did. She's over there." Turning around she met Rachel's endearing gaze. "Rachel, would you mind coming up here for a second?" Rachel's eyes grew large and she waited a minute before making a shy approach. Once the girl was at her side, Trina reached down and wrapped an arm around Rachel's shoulders and back. "Rachel, these are a couple of my closest friends. Shepherd and Nancy…Shepherd owns this gym, but he's fixing to retire."

"It's good to meet you," Rachel said to them. Shepherd cupped his heart with his hands and a twinkle shone in his eyes.

"Dear child, it is wonderful to finally meet you. Your mother has spoken often of you and how she wishes so much that she could have you in her life." Trina's face turned red and she looked down to see Rachel glancing up at her with a smile. "You have a mother that is strong and devoted, I firmly believe she will do everything in her power to be a good mother to you."

Rachel leaned hear head sideways, into Trina's side, and closed her eyes. "Thanks." The child took a deep breath, then opened her eyes back up. "She's thinking about buying the gym for you." Rachel lifted her head and gazed up at Trina with a widening grin. "Right, Mom?" Her heart flickered and she quickly cleared her throat.

"Now, about that…"

"Mr. Shep needs you, and believes in you just as much as I believe in you." Her heart fluttered and she looked to the man, who was now flashing a coy smile. "I think you can do it. I think you should."

"You know what?" She lifted her head. Pride swelled within, spinning into a web of confidence. "Let me call Andre and I'll do that deal. I know I can do it." Shepherd clapped his hands and Nancy once again pat Trina on her shoulder.

"Fantastic!" Nancy said with a bright laugh. "Next time you come into the bar, I'll comp you a drink to celebrate."

She felt it was truly the right decision. She needed to have a greater income, or at least felt she needed to. Plus, this might give her more opportunity to be with Rachel. "Trina." Shepherd stepped forward and raised a hand to his chest. "I want to do something for you. If you go ahead and buy this gym…" Trina furrowed her brow.

"Yes?"

"I will give to you my last month of income…" For the first time, she felt her heart jump and sink at the same time. She couldn't do that to this man, there was no way she could accept such an enormous amount of money. Before she could protest, he put his hand up and turned his head to the side. "Now dear, I know of your friend's plan should you actually take ownership. He told me that if you decided to do it, he would be the one footing the bill so that you didn't personally have to pay anything. Knowing now that you've just brought your child back into your life…This gift I am offering is something that I feel you need."

"Shepherd…" Her eyes began to water and she raised a hand up. "What about you? Your medical situation. For you to just give up an entire month's paycheck-" Shepherd's eyebrow rose and he tilted his head a bit.

"You do know that I am selling this gym and the cost of the gym is enough for me. I am old, I have no worries. You are one of my dearest friends, and you have been coming here for so many years that you are one of my most trusted friends. The faith I have in you…I would not do this for anyone else."

"Shep…"

"I'm not taking no for an answer, Trina."

"Okay." She nodded, her cheeks flooding with tears as she extended her hand. "I-I'll give Andre a call." Shep met her with a handshake and she caught the proud gleam in his eye.

So, an important and crucial decision. At least Trina will have help if she needs it. Finally a crucial step though. Trina, the athlete, a step in the right direction.