These song lyrics are some kind of perfect for this chapter – I wrote the previous one without planning to have this song as the title for the next. Super, super long chapter as well with lots of Teddy lashing out at Addie so I hope you'll like it.

Jayni's heart was failing, that much Teddy knew. She wouldn't be able to withstand a transplant; even so, there just weren't any hearts that small. But what could she do about it? The exhaustion was getting to her – Teddy had refused to leave Jayni's side from the moment she coded the first time. Three days.

Addison was biting her tongue; so much she needed to say, but couldn't. Her heart and soul couldn't bear to.

When she dies, Teddy, I want you to know that I'm still here. I'm still fighting. I'll stand by you. I know you've already lost it all, but life's a bitch – you know that better than anybody. There's nothing I can do or say to ease your pain, and I'm sure it won't help you at all for me to share it. Just… I'm here, Teddy. I love you. I need you. And I'll be strong for you for as long as you need.

She thought all of these things, but they stuck in her throat like a pill that hadn't gone down so well.

It's cruel to tell you not to get your hopes up, and that's why I can't say it. But please… Teddy, I don't want to see you fall further; hurt deeper than you have to. If you would just let her go…

Arizona had instructed Addison to prepare Teddy to unplug her baby – crude as it sounded – but ultimately, it was Teddy's choice. By her command, Arizona was hell-bent to keep fighting for that child with the ailing heart until she was beaten black and blue and had given that dying breath. But there was nothing left to try, to say, to do; yet, Teddy wasn't giving in. She truly believed that Jayni had a chance to live – a result, perhaps, of seeing hearts and holding them in her hands to mend; to give them back, good as new.

Those were the miracles. Just like the one Teddy was pinning every last hope on now.

Arizona didn't hold the same belief. She'd heard and seen that baby's tiny heart, witnessed the falters in its steps and listened to them grow more and more frequent. It was the home stretch, but Jayni had made it free; made it far. Arizona just wished Teddy could see that, if only to spare herself and her daughter the pain - Teddy the guilt, loss, grief; Jayni, surely, to cease the suffering she'd known since coming into this world. God only knew that Jayni had ever felt anything else.

The time was 8:14pm.

Arizona entered the silent NICU. The look on her face was a mask of stone, and Addie's heart fell through her chest when she saw her. Teddy's gaze remained fixed.

"She's severely bradycardic," Arizona muttered with one glance at the monitor.

"So up her oxygen, then." Teddy said.

"That's not going to help, Teddy. Her organs are all failing, her lungs, her kidneys…"

"Fix them."

"I – I can't. I've tried everything. There's nothing else I can do. Teddy… it's time," Arizona whispered, one eye on the ultrasound. Jayni's heart was slowing. A tired sound.

"Time for what?" Teddy said fiercely, not turning around for a second.

Arizona opened her mouth to reply, and then closed it again. She looked to Addie helplessly.

Addie extended an arm and draped it over Teddy's shoulder soothingly; Teddy shrugged it off, her eyes not like they used to be – no more joy. The vivid green of them had been leached away.

"Teddy… Jayni's going. This is it. Her heart can't take it; you've seen the ultrasound," Addie mumbled sadly.

"Don't tell me that. I don't believe it." Teddy said obstinately.

"I love you, Teds, you know that right? I'm sorry things worked out this way. I'm here, every step of the way."

"She's not dying." Teddy said, with tears in her eyes.

"Please, you have to accept this –"

"Dammit, Addie! I told you, she isn't dying! She's going to be okay; I know it! I'm her mother, not you!" Teddy snarled cruelly.

And it hurt. Addie flinched, crestfallen – of course she wasn't that baby's mother. She couldn't bear children. That hurt more than anything, more than Teddy's neglect. This was the first time Teddy had ever deliberately spoken to hurt her.

To leave Teddy in this state was the worst thing Addie could do, though. But leave she did. She couldn't take it in that room, where Teddy's venom-coated words still lingered over her dying baby.

Addie managed to choke out a "sorry" before she fled.

"Wait, Addison –" Arizona cried desperately. She didn't want to be left to console Teddy on her own, and Owen wasn't much help.

But Addie was gone.

"I'm her mother, not you!"

It was like Addie had taken a stab of a corrugated knife straight to her heart. And Addie was running from it, still bleeding, still hurting like she'd never hurt before.

She didn't run far, but she didn't care. Her pain was different – betrayal on top of everything else. And Teddy's words were like pressing on an old bruise – something that had hit too close to home, reviving the pain afresh. How could she?

There had come a point not so long ago when Addie realized she was jealous. Jealous beyond belief of that woman who was now watching her child die. And Addie wondered if she'd trade it all – would she take all that pain for a baby? Take all that pain, and see her baby die?

At first thought, Addie would've spared herself. But no – she'd seen the look on Teddy's face. That sheer love, if only for a moment. Something that spoke depths of a wordless price she would never know but could have.

She wasn't ready then. She'd thrown everything she should've wanted away with two hands. And now? People plan and God laughs. Well, God was laughing now indeed.

These were the tears Addie had cried when she found out she'd waited just a little too long.

Teddy waited with bated breath, eyes watching the rise and fall of Jayni's chest. Owen watched her, regretful and bordering on horrified by the knowledge that Teddy was still hoping. But of course Teddy was hoping for the hopeless. What else could she do? A mother would never forsake her child.

Arizona watched the monitor. Not long now.

The beeps slowed, sometimes stopping, though the ventilator trundled on with its steady gait. The minutes passed in an endless limbo, Jayni inching closer and closer to a slumber she would never wake from. Teddy waited, but not for that.

Addie's absence was just another peripheral thing Teddy had no time for. Time – that was the thing. Not enough of it. If she'd had just a little more time, Jayni's lungs could've grown themselves… with just a little more time, Teddy wouldn't have been doing this all alone. Henry would've been holding her hand.

Teddy continued in this train of thought until –

There was one beat of dead stillness, bar one single, continuous beep.

Outside, Addie's eyes snapped wide open, the sound of it chilling her heart. She shot upright.

Owen lurched towards Teddy, gauging her reaction and knowing it would be bad.

And Arizona? She only sighed. This – this really was it.

"Do something, Arizona!" Teddy screeched, cleaving the silence in two. She clawed at the cover on the bassinet, tossing it aside. The sound of it was a thunderous rattle on the linoleum floor.

"Teddy – "

Addison ran back into the room, eyes wide with horror. She stalled when she saw the look on Teddy's face.

"Addie! We need to get her to an OR!

Addie's response was helpless. "It's too late – her heart's failed, we won't make it in time."

"You have to operate! I can do it; I've done it before!"

"The anesthesia will kill her; we can't do a bypass on a preemie – there's nothing left." Teddy wasn't listening to reason, but Addie gave it her best shot. Hear me, Teddy. Don't make this worse.

"No! You – have – to – try!" Teddy screamed.

"I'm sorry, Teddy."

"No!" Breaths coming in snarls, Teddy placed two fingers upon Jayni's chest and started compressions. "She's not dead, you have to help me!"

Owen gave Addie a helpless shrug, and Addie responded with a look of disgust. "She's gone, Teddy."

No response. The flat line mounted and fell once. And again. A meek effort of a dead heart forced to beat its way back to life.

"Let her go."

"No! Shut up!" Teddy commanded, eyes wild and unseeing. Her arm pumped up and down with more force than she herself could harness.

"Stop it. She's gone. Teddy. Stop!" Addie cried, tugging on Teddy's arm. Teddy sent her elbow into Addie's ribs, making her gasp. That was twice she'd hurt the woman she loved today.

One – two – three – four. Time and time again. One – two – three – four. Teddy couldn't count the number of times she'd done compressions on a faceless someone.

This someone wasn't faceless.

One – two – three –

Owen intervened. "Stop! Teddy, you're hurting her. You're hurting Jayni. You don't want to do that, do you?"

Teddy seemed taken aback. "No…?"But her compressions didn't falter. One – two – three – four.

"Then stop. You don't have to – you don't have to do compressions anymore."

Teddy's eyes grew wide with horror, with the realization, and the drop could be felt in levels throughout the room. Like the carved path of a guillotine through air. There was no other metaphor for it. One – two –

"Stop." This time, Owen wrestled her arm to her side. The line on the screen stilled, and Arizona turned the monitor off. "Time of death, 8:52pm."

And Teddy didn't fight him. She looked around at Owen, eyes like those of a lost child's. Her stillness was alarming – not like the last time. Owen nearly wanted her to fight, to be the fighter that he'd always known, anything but this… shell. She wasn't even crying.

Addie could see the mask of Teddy's face petrify right in front of her. The ghost of any warmth left Teddy in wisps as Addie looked into Teddy's once lively eyes to find a mere shadow of the girl she once knew.

"Teddy?" Addie whispered.

Arizona had been shutting off the monitors, listening. And she knew what Teddy needed.

"Here – here, Teddy. Hold her. Hold your baby." In Arizona's arms was the little girl Teddy so loved, finally free from the bondage of the many, many wires and free from this earth.

This sparked a response. But still, Teddy had far from thawed. "Hold her…?"

"Go ahead." Arizona took a step closer, and another, pressing the small, still bundle into Teddy's frigid arms.

Jayni was still warm. Cold to her own skin, but Teddy knew – that was because Jayni's heart had failed her. The quiet perfection of the sweet child that had gone to the angels struck Teddy right through, and she started missing her. Missing a smile she had never known and a life she would never know.

"Come on, Teddy, come sit…" Owen wordlessly led Teddy over to a chair.

And I'll meet your eyes, for the very first time… for the very last.

Jayni's eyes were half-open, unmasked by the blindfold for the first time in her life, come only by death. And Teddy got her wish.

Matted mint-green. Just like Henry's.

The first time she could trust herself to believe that Jayni really was his daughter – because what God would strip away something so good and give her something else, something she never wanted but now needed back with all her heart? That was twice God had broken her irreparably. Shattered twofold.

Teddy rocked Jayni slowly like she never had before, lulling a sleeping baby to sleep even deeper, the pain just lapping at her feet. She didn't know why – but the respite was nice. Just to hold her baby like any normal, lucky mother.

But any normal, lucky mother wouldn't be rocking a baby with a still heart.

Addie stood by, crying. The intimacy of the moment made her seem like a voyeur in the room with Teddy and Jayni, but she got the feeling that Teddy wasn't aware of anything else but her daughter.

That moment before – that had scared her. What would happen when the pain really made its appearance? What then? Would Teddy bury herself away forever?

Where was the Teddy that felt with fire?

Teddy hadn't moved from where she sat for four hours. Every attempt at consoling her, at making her leave had been in vain. And Addie and Owen both knew the last time Teddy ate had been three days previously. Arizona had long since gone, unable to choke back the tears.

You say it. Addie gave Owen her fiercest glare.

No, you. Owen eyed her right back.

Owen and Addie's silent exchange was a battle of wills. And of course, Owen lost. Again.

"It's time to go, Teddy. You can't stay here. Jayni can't stay here. We have to take her to the morgue." Owen sighed.

Teddy flinched at the word morgue. "No… not just yet."

How could they take away the last bit of joy before the storm? But they had to. The NICU was closing, and Teddy looked like she was about to pass out.

"Teddy? Will you say goodbye now?" Addie spoke as if she were addressing a child.

"No. I won't. I won't." Teddy mumbled, clutching Jayni tight. It was a heart-breaking sight to see, sending tears to Addie's eyes.

Behind her, Owen was gesturing for a nurse.

"Teddy? Can I hold her for a second?" Owen asked, hating himself every moment for it.

"What? No! I'm not stupid." Teddy said, alarmed.

"Please…" Owen persisted. He could see her wavering.

"I – I don't know."

The nurse came up beside Teddy. "Here. Let me."

This time, Teddy was more readily trusting. She loosened her grip, indecisive, but the nurse took full advantage. In the next second, Jayni was out of Teddy's arms.

This was the definition of cruel. Addie knew it. Owen knew it. How twisted fate was to allow Teddy's pain to be dealt by those who wanted to protect her from it.

"No! Hey, where are you going?" Teddy jumped up, but keeled over. She landed hard on her palms and knees, yelping in pain.

"Oh – Teddy, are you okay? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Owen caught hold of Teddy's wrist and pulled her back up, hugging her close. But Teddy pushed him away.

For a moment, Teddy was at a loss for what to do. It seemed that she had wasted all her tears before, when everything was still okay. How stupid of her.

And then, something broke. She saw Addie crying; she took Addie's tears as a mockery of her pain. Pummelling at Owen's chest when he wouldn't let go, Teddy spat in Addie's face: "Why are you crying? What do you have to cry about, you –"

Wrenching herself free from Owen, she took flight from the NICU that she'd refused to leave just a day before. The anger coursing through her seemed to be sourced by a boundless fuel, and it scared her to death. But seeing Addie cry when she wasn't even – when Teddy herself couldn't cry – that was infuriating beyond sane bounds.

"Wait!" Addie cried. "I'm sorry!" She made to go after her, but there was something holding her back.

Owen. "Don't. Let her go."

And Addie listened.

Make all your last amends, for I will forsake you.

Note the change in Teddy this chapter… I hope you didn't think the less-than-dramatic feelings were unrealistic – Teddy just hasn't been able to process it yet. More soon.

Review, please! This little girl is a bit lonely and clingy sometimes.