She'd forgotten District Twelve was first. How had she forgotten District Twelve was first? Yes, it was all stressful, but now she was just giving herself a panic attack. I'd done everything I could, everything I usually did when she got into that state but nothing was working at all. It killed me to see Mari so broken just seconds after she had such hope for herself. I'd never met Ivy, but I'd seen how she and Mari acted around one another in the training centre and in the games – they were friends. Losing a friend hurts. Having to face the whole of their District after being the only one coming out alive? That was torture.

"Mari, darlin', please." I whispered as I hugged her from behind, trying to cease her shaking and fighting to get away, "Deep breaths, okay? It's all gonna be alright."

"I can't do it!" She sobbed, "Not yet!"

"You'll be fine Mari, we'll all be there. I promise."

My head was pounding. Mari had been crying for nearly half an hour and I just couldn't bear to hear her like that anymore. I looked up from my girlfriend's face and saw Solveig standing just a few feet away, holding a syringe in her hand. I shook my head, not wanting to do that to Mari, especially not when she would wake up hours away from having to face District Twelve, but her stylist stalked forwards anyway. All I could do was hold Mari still as Solveig stuck the needle into her arm. Within seconds she was passed out in my arms and I moved to pick her up and take her into the bedroom so she could sleep comfortably.

All I had to do was figure out how to keep her calm when she woke up.

XX

I couldn't believe I had done that. Not only had I forgotten we were going to District Twelve first, but I'd put Finnick through my breakdown again. I woke up in a bed on the train with the covers pulled over my body and the bedside lamp the only source of light in the room. Rubbing my eyes, I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and looked around the room. It was just like the one I had when I went to the Capitol for the games, except the shelves were full and it didn't have an aura of impending death about it.

I groaned as I looked at the clock and realised it was three o'clock in the morning. Knowing I wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep without having a nightmare, I changed out of my dress and into a grey top and some black leggings before making my way out of the room and into the main carriage. The side lamps were on, so it wasn't too dark and I managed to find the remote to the television quite easily. Before I could turn it on however, there was a groan from the direction of the sofa behind me and I turned to find Finnick slowly turning over and rubbing his eyes. Putting the controller back on the glass table, I all but sprinted to the other side of the room, wanting to get through the door before he sat up and realised that it was me.

"Mari?"

I obviously wasn't fast enough.

"Yes?" I looked back to the sofa and saw that my boyfriend was now standing up and staring at me.

"Are you okay now? I would have waited in your room but I thought it might scare you when you woke up."

He began to make his way over to me and I nodded, "I'm fine now, I'm sorry I exploded like that, I don't know what came over me."

"Darlin' it's okay, I don't care whether I get drenched in your tears, as long as I know you're all right. So are you all right?"

His gaze was locked onto my eyes and I found myself beginning to get worked up again. I didn't want to cry anymore, I didn't want it all to get to me anymore. Finnick was the only one that knew about the nights I spent drinking to hide from the nightmares and crying about the people that had died because of me and I didn't want him to have to deal with that anymore. But that was what the games did to you. I'd lost count of the nights Finnick would call my house to talk in the middle of the night because he'd woken up from a nightmare and was scared something had happened to me or was just simply terrified of going back to sleep. I just felt that going to Caggie, Lawson and Ivy's districts would make the nightmares worse, because I'd see their families and how distraught they were and then those faces would show up and haunt me while I slept. I closed my eyes, drawing in a deep breath and leant my head on Finnick's chest – I was going to keep calm and collected.

"No, I'm not." I told him, looking up and taking his face in my hands, "But when have we ever been all right?"

"Let's get some sleep. Iunia will not be happy if we're bleary eyed in the morning."

I nodded, hopping off the sofa and pulled Finnick up with me. If I didn't try to sleep again, I knew that being in Twelve would be ten times worse because I'd feel ten times more vulnerable than I already did. We made our way to my bedroom, sinking into the sheets and wrapping ourselves around each other, like we were clinging on for our lives. Which, in a way, it felt like we were.

XX

I held my tongue as Iunia excitedly went on about the itinerary for the day and let Solveig tie the ribbons on my jacket, smiling lightly when she gave me an encouraging pat on the shoulder. We'd arrived in Twelve about half an hour before and all I'd heard was how I must act, what I should say and who I have to look at. The whole event was so cold and disassociated and I was expected to keep all emotions at bay. However, as I looked out the window at what would have been Ivy's home, I knew I couldn't just read out the cards Iunia had written for me – it wouldn't be fair. What I saw before me was everything I hadn't imagined it to be. I knew Twelve was the poorest of all the districts, but the state of it all just covered in coal, that was something I never thought I'd see. The Capitol really didn't care about anyone, did they?

A figure walking up to the train brought me out of my thoughts and I made my way towards the Finnick as the tall, balding man stepped through the door. I watched as he greeted Iunia and the prep team before he smiled and embraced Mags, which surprised me, before I remembered they'd probably met each other various times before. Finally, the man approached us and Finnick held out his hand.

"Mayor Undersee."

The two shook hands and there seemed to be a layer of understanding between them as they spoke, "Finnick," the Mayor placed a hand on his shoulder, "how's life treating you?"

Looking at me, Finnick shrugged, a light smirk resting on his face as part of his façade began, "As well as it can. This is-"

But the Mayor cut him off, "Mari Gallagher. I'm Mayor Undersee, my dear and I'm sure if it were under different circumstances it would be a pleasure."

I grimaced, shaking the older man's hand, "The same to you sir."

"Now," He clapped, making everyone else turn around, "As most of you know, I like to make this as painless as possible for everyone, so I will do the introduction, Mari will say her speech and then I will dismiss the district. You are free to go on to your next destination then. Mari," the Mayor's tone of voice became softer as his gaze returned to me, "I could see how you were close to Ivy, making this as short as possible is not just to stop the pain of my district, but you as well. If at any point you need to stop, to take a moment… Do so, I'll be right behind you to step in."

"Thank you."

I gave him a smile, finally realising that this was what bound all the districts together. The games, as much as they were designed to tear us apart, in reality just meant we all had something in common. We all felt the pain of losing our own, we'd all been to a reaping and a victory tour; everyone had a common enemy.

A few minutes later, a group of Peacekeepers arrived to take me down to the Justice Building. Mayor Undersee went first, with Iunia following closely behind. Finnick took my hands in his as Mags made her way out, attempting to comfort me a little more.

"I'm not saying what Iunia put on those cards, Finn." I told him, avoiding looking at his face so I didn't have to see his reaction, "It's not personal, I'd be lying."

I fiddled with my boyfriend's fingers, not wanting him to be angry at me for being risky. However, I shouldn't have been worried, because a chuckle escaped his lips as he pulled me into a hug.

"That's my girl."

Finnick then made his way out of the carriage and I followed a few seconds later, giving one last look to my prep team before I stepped onto the soil of District Twelve for the first time. I kept my head down as I walked, the clunking of the Peacekeepers' uniforms unsettling me as I knew their guns were constantly in their hands. We entered the Justice Building through the back entrance and I let my gaze move upwards, seeing the others all then leave through the main entrance and catching a glimpse of the crowd outside before the door shut. Mayor Undersee's voice reverberated through the walls and I closed my eyes, readying myself – well, attempting to – for what I was about to do. I heard the uniforms clunking once more and looked straight ahead, trying to block out everything around me.

"Victor of the 74th Hunger Games, Mari Gallagher."

Peacekeepers opened the door for me and I made my way onto the stage, heading towards the Mayor and the line of people standing to his left. A young girl stepped forward from the right hand side of the Mayor and held out a bouquet of flowers to me and I gave her a smile and said thank you as I took them. Iunia then moved towards me, gesturing that she would take the flowers and I should take the cards with her speech on. I glanced at Finnick and Mags, both of them immediately giving me encouraging looks and I shook my head to my escort, before nodding at Mayor Undersee and taking to the microphone.

"Hello. Thank you for the welcome you have given me," I gestured to the bouquet in my arms, before looking out and finally taking in the faces of the crowd. They were all listening, intently watching me. To my left, a podium with Finch's face projected behind it held two people, a man and a women who I could only assume were his parents and to my right; the same set up. Only with Ivy's face projected and her mother, sisters and brother standing there. It took all I had not to start crying when I saw them.

"I wish it were under different circumstances that I was here. Today, I want to pay my respects to the tributes of your District. I'm looking over this crowd now and I know how you feel, I remember every one of these I have ever attended in your position. Eyes full of sorrow and hatred look at me now and I do not blame them, I do not deserve to be standing here in front of you. However, I must. Your tributes – no." I shook my head, that wasn't the way to speak of them, "Finch and Ivy were not just tributes, and they should not be remembered as that. They were people… children… and wonderful ones." I turned slightly, facing the parents of the young boy, "I never spoke to Finch, I didn't know him personally, for which I feel guilty. However, I did know Coy. And I know that he would never have allied himself with anyone who was not as pure hearted, strong, clever and brave as he was. I am so sorry that he was taken from you. Although I have lost those I love, I can't come near to understanding how it feels to lose your own child. But, please, know that, in his last moments… In his last moments, Finch stood tall and proud and did not falter, not one bit. And he was also with someone he considered a friend."

Then, I turned to the right and it was at that moment I couldn't stop myself from becoming extremely emotional, "Ivy… oh Ivy. She was my best friend. And I know that seems inconceivable, but we went through it all together. We trained together, we ate together and I thought we'd end it together… I don't think I will ever meet anyone like Ivy, with her beautiful heart, brilliant mind and there is not a day since the games when I have not thought about her and seen her face in my dreams or my nightmares. She should be standing here talking to you because she was so much better than I am – at everything. Kinder, smarter… There was so much I didn't get to thank her for, so much she herself didn't get to say and I'm so sorry I can't hug her and tell her it's alright and I'm sorry I can't bring her back for you or even tell you something she wanted you to know. Lawson and I loved her… I love her still. My best friend, unlikely and more than I deserved."

I could see Ivy's Mom holding onto her children and when I caught her eye she let them go and pressed the three middle fingers of her left hand to her lips before holding them out in my direction. Her children did the same, followed by the parents of Finch and then slowly, like the ripples that occur when a stone hits water, every one of the people of District Twelve repeated the motion, until there was a sea of this salute in front of me. I looked sideways at Mayor Undersee, only to see him grinning at me and turned back to the microphone, deciding to finish.

"Thank you for letting me say goodbye in my own way and for listening to me so kindly. Goodbye." I smiled lightly before making my way back towards the Justice Building, everyone else following.

As soon as the doors closed behind us, Iunia began chattering away about how she couldn't believe I'd done that and all the things we had to do, but I didn't listen to her. Mags came over and pulled me into a hug, whispering words of approval in my ear and Mayor Undersee shook my hand, still grinning from ear to ear.

"Never, in all my time have I ever seen a Victor do that. You just united yourself with a whole District."

"Thank you sir," I felt my face flush, I had really just said all that in front of them all – and televised as well. I glanced away from him for a moment and my eyes locked on the young girl who had given me flowers. She was waiting just a few yards away, looking quite lost, so I made my way over and crouched down to her level, "Hello."

"Hello." she replied almost inaudibly and I held out my hand.

"I'm Mari, what's you name?" She took my hand and I smiled, getting a little one in return as I shook it.

"Primrose."

"Well that's a pretty name!" I told her, "Thank you for the flowers, they're lovely. It must have been scary up there on your own."

Primrose bit her lip and nodded, "A little bit, but my sister was right at the front so I was okay."

"That's good," I quickly checked down the corridor to see if anyone was coming, "is she going to be picking you up?"

"Yes, I think she said to wait out the back, but I don't know where to go."

That's why she looked lost.

"I can take you?" I held my hand out once more, this time getting an immediate response as she clasped hers onto mine.

"Yes please!"

When I stood up, I noticed that everyone else had finished their conversations and were stood, staring at us. Swallowing my need to feel embarrassed, I began to walk out the building the way I had come in.

"I'm taking Primrose to find her sister." I told Iunia as she attempted to stop me in my tracks, "You can come with me if you need to breathe down my neck the whole time."

And with that I continued walking, the Peacekeepers once again forming a guard around me and I led Primrose outside and she began to point almost immediately after we got there. I followed her gaze to a girl a few years older than her, with dark brown hair and olive skin, completely the opposite to the little girl clinging onto my hand.

"That's her! Thank you miss!" She wrapped her arms around me and I hugged her back lightly. Her excitability send a rush of happiness through me, but also a pang of sadness as I remembered Kai and Senna still had that and they reacted similarly when they saw me.

"That's quite alright, Primrose, it was the least I could do for my flower girl." I told her, making her laugh, "Off you go now."

I kept an eye on the sisters until they turned the corner and just as I was about to go to find everyone else, a hand slipped into mine. I looked up at Finnick and raised my eyebrows at his grin.

"I can't believe you did that. You got their salute, Mari."

I was confused, their salute? But just as I was about to ask – a voice cut me off.

"It's an old and rarely used gesture of the district, occasionally seen at funerals. It means thanks, it means admiration, it means goodbye to someone you love." It was Haymitch. He was Twelve's only Victor and a drunk – well that's what I'd heard. But he seemed to be completely sober saying that. "You little lady, well you've set off a spark."