Chapter Twenty-One - Those Consequences
Kristen wished she could dig a hole in the snow and bury herself in it. She would be surprised if her face was not bright red from shame, but at least it could be assumed that the pinkness in her cheeks was only a result of the cold. She was quite sure that she was going mad; there was no other explanation for it, except that she was irreversibly insane and should be sent off to the madhouse. Cursing herself for the thousandth time, she snuck another glance at the boy trudging beside her.
Remus was keeping enough of a distance between them to prove that she had given him the wrong impression. Everything had been so perfect, and she had messed it up, once again. Why did she have to be so damn stupid? She didn't want to never speak to him again, she certainly wasn't scared of him, and she would find a way to accept his condition. She just needed time.
Kristen had practically wrestled Remus into a snogging match back in that alleyway. And it had been amazing – so amazing. But she wished she hadn't acted so rashly, because she never gave her brain time to really comprehend what he had told her. She was just enjoying the way his hands tugged at her waist and his lips slid against hers, gently but purposefully. And then his words reformed inside her brain and she came crashing back into reality, a collision that left her head throbbing.
He was a werewolf? Her actions came screeching to a halt and she pulled back from him, her breathing harsh and eyes wide. She must have been staring at him in shock, and he had taken it all the wrong way. Kristen hoped her expression had not been one of fear, but it must have seemed that way. Remus's hands dropped from around her and he stepped away, almost embarrassed, which did nothing to help her.
They stood awkwardly, Kristen wanting to hit herself and explain to him what she was feeling, Remus knowing that he should never have gotten involved with her and resolving to stay away so that she wouldn't have to be frightened.
And then he said something about it being cold, that they should be getting back to Hogwarts. She must have nodded or something, because they were now walking through the village of Hogsmeade, wordlessly staring at the fresh snow in front of their eyes.
Kristen seemed incapable of action, or she would have yelled something about it not being that she was scared of him. She was just confused. Not only were her feelings overwhelmingly strong, but now her brain had turned to mush and possibly been stomped on a few times for good measure.
She was about to take off in the opposite direction – as much as she loved Hogwarts, she was beginning to think that living in a hovel for the remainder of seventh year was more appealing than dealing with this situation – when they came to a slight clearing, where the path widened and there were several benches off to the side. Kristen suddenly spotted a very familiar flash of auburn on one of the benches to her left and swung her head towards it. And then several things occurred at once.
She realized that the flash of red was Lily's hair, and that it was draped over her friend's face as she leaned over another body. It looked like a boy, with blonde hair and…Slytherin robes. Kristen's eyes widened as she realized what was unfolding. She whipped her head back around to look at Remus, but on the way saw something that made her own heart sink. James was standing to their right, his expression one that Kristen couldn't have described even if she wanted to. In the few seconds that she was watching him, his expression hardened and he spun around sharply, fleeing in the direction of Hogwarts.
As Kristen turned to look at Remus, she found him shooting her an apologetic glance and taking off after James. What the bloody hell? Kristen felt the blood beginning to warm in her veins as adrenaline overtook her. With it was a strong sense of anger – frustration with her own situation mingled with annoyance at Lily's behavior lately. She wasn't bloody superwoman.
She watched as the boys disappeared around the corner and then turned her attention back to Lily, who was now holding her head in her hands and leaning forward slightly, elbows resting on her thighs.
Kristen wasn't completely sure how to go about cleaning this up, but the first thing was to get Lily away from Levent. She made her way over to them and stopped in front of the bench, crossing her arms. Levent glanced up at her with confused pale green eyes and Kristen met his glance with a flat-out glare that should have melted the snow clinging to his hair. Then she proceeded to ignore him, turning to Lily, who lifted her head.
"I'm not even going to ask right now, just come on."
Kristen grabbed one of Lily's arms and gave a tug, trying to pull her to her feet. Lily swayed and fell against Kristen, who would have fallen if not for the hand against her back. She whipped her head around and found herself staring into the eyes of Clover Sindri. The Ravenclaw fifth year looked bewildered but industrious as she grabbed onto Lily's other arm and helped support her between them.
"We should get her to the castle," Clover said softly.
"Right – of course," Kristen mumbled, still a little out of it. The girls began hobbling along the path that led back to Hogwarts.
"But-" Levent spluttered from behind them. He was now standing and starting towards them, looking unsure of what he was doing there.
Kristen called over her shoulder, "Oh save it and just sit there. You've done quite enough already."
♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠
Remus panted as he tried to keep pace with his friend. "James – you're going too – bloody – fast!"
The messy-haired Gryffindor hadn't even acknowledged Remus's presence, let alone said anything. They were nearing the large doors leading to the Entrance Hall, and still James was running. He seemed very intent upon the snow crunching under his shoes.
"James, I saw it too and I know you're upset, but I'm sure Lily has some kind of explanation or – or something. I mean, she was pretty drunk earlier and-"
At this comment, James spun around, his dark hair falling into his eyes. "Drunk off what? Butterbeer?" He snorted. "I don't fucking care to hear her explanation – there always is one, isn't there? I'm too protective, right? That's why my girlfriend has run off to snog a Slytherin!"
They had reached the doors; James turned back around and threw them open, stomping inside. Remus jerked forward and caught them before they slammed shut.
James suddenly spun back towards Remus, his dark eyes fierce and filled with emotion as he continued in a loud voice, "No, I'm sure all that she'll have to say to me is that I'm a bloody wanker, we were on a break, and the Slytherin is a much better kisser than me."
Remus watched helplessly as his friend seemed to deflate before his eyes; his shoulders slumped, the anger ebbed away and was replaced with something much more unpleasant. Before Remus could find something to say that might help, James continued, his voice full of forced composure, or so it sounded.
"It doesn't matter anyway. I have no intention of talking to her." James turned and started walking in the direction of the Heads Room.
Remus followed and couldn't help but ask, "But what about getting the groups together?"
"I'm sure Lily and fucking Levent Hedley will make a jolly good team. Go away, Lupin. I don't want to talk."
Remus stopped walking and stared softly as James turned the corner and didn't look back.
♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠
"Let go, I can walk on my own," Lily grumbled, trying to pull her arms away from Kristen and Clover, but they were maintaining a firm grip.
"Like hell you can," Kristen replied. "Just wait until you're not drunk anymore, I have a few questions for you and I don't think you're going to like them one bit."
Lily's head was spinning; she wasn't sure what to think about any of this, but really preferred to think about nothing until her head stopped this pounding and…She closed her eyes as her foot hit a rock and she stumbled; everything seemed to swim before her.
Lily's couldn't understand her reaction to this butterbeer; it made no sense. Either way, she certainly didn't appreciate the way Kristen was digging her fingernails into her arm and snapping at her every few seconds. She chose to ignore the voice in the back of her head that told her that she deserved it.
Clover was looking between the two seventh years uncertainly, as if either of them could blow up without warning. She was feeling a little out of place, like this conversation was private and she shouldn't be listening. She wasn't sure what had brought all of this on and what was happening between Lily and James, but she didn't think it was her place to ask, and usually her hunches were right.
Kristen was not known for her temper; in fact it very rarely made an appearance. It was only when things repeatedly annoyed or angered Kristen that anyone saw the worst of her. At the moment, she felt that Lily needed nothing more than someone to put her in her place. The whole thing was becoming ridiculous.
They were approaching Hogwarts when Lily let out a sharp yell. "Ow!" She gasped. Kristen had given her arm a rough squeeze. "What's the big deal anyway?" She took a deep breath, her face screwing up with the effort of putting words together. "Why are you being like this?"
"Why? How can you even ask that?"
"Why should you care who I snog?" Lily held a hand up to her forehead; she was beginning to sweat.
"Because I happen to care about other people's feelings! What's gotten into you, anyway? You're not acting like the Lily I know and am friends with. You're supposed to be Head Girl!" Lily grumbled something under her breath in response.
Was it possible that she hadn't noticed? Kristen wondered, and so as they finally reached the doors to Hogwarts and stumbled through the Entrance Hall, she turned to the redhead. "Did you not notice your boyfriend watching?"
Lily's eyes popped open. "James? James was there?" And then, in one quick and fluid motion, she fainted.
Clover and Kristen bent to catch her, grabbing her head before it collided with the floor.
"What has she been doing?" Clover exclaimed, her hazel eyes wider than ever.
Kristen shook her head, her expression still dark. "I wish I could answer that."
The two girls remained on their knees beside the knocked out Head Girl, neither of them quite sure what to do next.
The doors opened behind them and laughter filled the silent Hall. And then Sirius and Selene spotted the three girls several feet away and rushed over, the smiles fading from their faces.
"What happened?" Selene exclaimed, staring at Lily with vivid blue eyes.
"She got drunk and – oh, it's a long story. But there's going to be hell to pay when she and James see each other again."
"What-" Selene began again, but Sirius cut her off.
"Oh no…" He mumbled, staring at Lily with a horrified expression. "I didn't mean for – damn it."
Selene turned on him, her expression changing from concern to suspicion. "Black, have you done something I should know about?"
"Well I-" He stared at her helplessly, as Kristen and Clover turned their attention to him as well. "I thought it would be funny! You know, lighten the mood up a little, because Lily and James were acting so down. But she wasn't supposed to – I must have put too much."
"What the hell did you do?" Selene demanded.
"I – er – kind of put something in her drink."
"What something?" Selene put her hands on her hips.
"Just something to make it stronger is all. But like I said, I must have put too much-"
Kristen cut in, now fed up with everyone present, except Clover, who was staring at them all with her mouth open. "Well that's just brilliant. And do you have any idea what happened while Lily here was drunk?"
"Er, no-" Sirius stated, and Selene watched Kristen closely, obviously waiting for an answer.
"No, of course not! You two were too busy gallivanting around." And what exactly were you doing?
Kristen pushed the thought out of her mind. "She was snogging Levent, that's what. And James saw the whole thing."
"What?" Sirius practically yelled.
Selene flinched. "I didn't think it would go so far…" She mumbled.
Kristen was about to open her mouth again when Remus came jogging down the hallway, and she promptly forgot what she was about to say. Remus glanced at her, but then his eyes fell to the floor and her heart dropped.
The silence was broken abruptly by Sirius. "Where's Prongs?" He inquired of Remus, who shook his head and tried to catch his breath.
"He's in the Heads Room. And I tried to get in, since he told us the password, but he must have changed it because the Three Musketeers wouldn't let me through. Bloody bastards kept talking about dueling and-"
His grayish blue eyes had landed on Lily, who was still out of it on the floor next to where Clover was sitting, supporting her head, and Kristen was standing next to them. Remus gave a start. "When did-"
"She just passed out when we told her about James seeing everything." Kristen said softly as the two of them locked eyes and both looked away quickly.
Selene was looking between Remus and Kristen shrewdly, but then she shrugged. "Let's just take Lily up to our dorm, then."
Kristen nodded and kneeled to help Clover lift Lily's body. Selene moved forward and grabbed her legs. The three girls began to move towards the stairs, leaving Sirius and Remus to stare after them, a little bewildered.
Once they reached the top of the staircase and realized that they were right around the corner from Gryffindor Tower, Kristen turned to Clover.
"Thanks for everything. I appreciate it and I'm sure Lily will too – once she's, well, back to acting like herself."
Clover nodded, waiting until Kristen moved to support all of Lily's upper body weight until she let go. "Right – uh – I suppose I'll be talking to you all soon. Oh, and my younger sister – she's in Ravenclaw too, third year – says she wants to help with the groups. So is it alright if I bring her to the next meeting?"
Kristen nodded quickly. "Yes, that would be brilliant. Um, I guess we'll be telling you about a meeting in a few days. I'll see what Lily has to say about it when she – er – wakes up."
Selene smirked, scanning over Lily's appearance. "We might just have to take control of this next meeting ourselves."
Clover smiled weakly and disappeared around the corridor, presumably to her own common room.
Kristen was shooting Selene a glare over Lily's body as she began moving backwards towards the portrait hole, supporting Lily's head and shoulders.
"What?" Selene shot back. "Why are you glaring at me?"
"Because you encouraged this whole mess! Aren't you the one who told her to snog Levent in the first place? Did I not say something like this would happen? Why does nobody ever listen to me?!" Kristen stomped a food against the floor, almost running into the Fat Lady, who crossed her arms in protest.
"Password?" the Fat Lady grunted.
"Kringle the Dragon," Kristen muttered, causing the portrait hole to swing forward and admit them.
Selene grumbled something about that being a ridiculous password and somebody should strangle James Potter. Then she resumed trying to defend her case. "I only told Lily that she should lighten up. Never did I suggest that she cheat on her boyfriend. I have more morals than that you know."
Kristen only glared at her. "Well I suppose technically, she didn't cheat," she said through her teeth. "Let's just get her up to bed and be done with it. I'm running out of energy."
"Why are you being so snappy anyway, did-" Selene's eyes suddenly flashed. "Did something happen with Lupin?"
Kristen stopped walking and opened her mouth, but found herself at a loss for words. She didn't think Remus would appreciate her telling the world about his condition, so she would have to come up with another way of explaining it.
She was saved from figuring it out, however, because Lily's green eyes had popped open and she was trying to say something.
Selene yelped and let go of Lily, causing her to topple to the floor.
"Holy hell!" Selene exclaimed. "Sorry – it's just – you scared the crap out of me."
Lily rubbed her back, raising herself to a sitting position on the floor. "'S okay…" She was mumbling. "What hapeeened – er – harpooned – I mean – oh hell…"
Selene laughed. "Sirius Black did something stupid as usual, is what happened. Let's get you upstairs and I'll explain the whole thing."
Kristen muttered something under her breath and glared at both of them.
♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠
James Potter was not in a good mood, clearly. He couldn't get the image out of his mind – of Lily, his Lily, kissing Levent and twining her hands around his neck. What did the stupid Slytherin have that he didn't? So what if he might be better looking, James was smarter. And not a Slytherin.
He ripped another page out of How to Compromise, the book that Dumbledore had supplied in their private Heads Room library, rolled it into a ball and threw it into the fire. He felt sick to his stomach. The couch he was sitting on, the floor in front of it – everything reminded him of past evenings with Lily.
James glared at the fire, as if the flames were to blame. He couldn't believe he had been going to apologize to Lily. But he had missed her, even if it had only been a week. He missed running his hands through her long and soft auburn hair, the way the light glinted off her bright emerald eyes, and especially how she snuggled against him when they shared naps on the very same couch he was now brooding on.
This was insane. He pushed himself off the couch so that he could pace around the common room. He had already changed the password – so Lily wouldn't be able to come into the Heads Room anytime soon. And his friends couldn't come and try to talk to him either.
This was silly. He wouldn't lose this battle to Lily and a bloody Slytherin, no matter how much it had hurt him – she shouldn't know that she was affecting him this way. No, he would just have to fight back – and he would win.
♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠
Lily had fallen asleep again when they reached the seventh year girls' dorm, but not she was wide awake. She stared at the moon through the open curtains and shivered. She didn't know what she was going to do about this.
She really missed James. Why she had kissed Levent was a mystery even to her, when all she wanted at that moment was to go find James and apologize, and say that she hated being on a break. How had it gotten so messed up? She couldn't even be angry at Sirius Black, because she knew that the whole situation was her own fault.
Lily was known for many things – being smart, loyal to her friends, thoughtful and always practical. She almost never broke the rules, and if she did, it was usually for some greater cause.
But it seemed that her seventh year at Hogwarts was changing her quite a bit and she was having trouble knowing herself anymore. Still – if there was one thing she wasn't known for it was getting drunk and snogging Slytherin boys and being the one to initiate a "break" with her boyfriend.
She groaned and rolled onto her stomach. Everything would be okay once she sorted it out with James, she tried to assure herself. She would just have to keep at him until he gave in. She would find some way to keep Levent at a distance, and she would reassure James that Levent could never replace him and whatever had been between Lily and he was finished for good. James was an understanding person, right?
♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠
Lily awoke the next morning to a raging headache – raging at her to be more precise.
"Lily, get up you stupid idiot."
"Time for breakfast!"
"Get your ass out of bed and wash your face."
When she opened her eyes, a face swam before her. She blinked and registered dark blonde hair and brown eyes staring at her. Lily swatted a hand out in front of her.
"Kristen – get out of my face."
"Oh, I see. That's all the thanks I get for saving you from making the situation even worse than you already have."
Lily took a deep breath. She knew her friend was right. She knew it, and yet she deliberated on ignoring that she knew it. "Damn it, I just want to sleep, is that too much to ask for?"
"When you've been acting like a royal mess it is. I've got a few questions for you, Lily Evans, and you need to be dressed and on your way to breakfast before I start."
"Oh, fine." Lily grunted, throwing the covers off her body and slipping out of bed. She rubbed her temples and headed for the bathroom door.
Lily emerged from the bathroom several minutes later, not feeling much better. Selene had reappeared in their dorm and was holding a vial of foul-looking orange liquid. She extended it towards Lily and wrinkled her nose.
"Here – drink this. It'll help, trust me."
Lily sighed and swallowed the liquid quickly, spluttering and running back into the bathroom.
Kristen yelled after her, "Don't spit that out or you'll regret it later!"
On the way to breakfast, Kristen surprised Lily by staying silent. She had expected to be bombarded with questions that she had no idea how to answer. Or at the very least, she expected more scolding.
"I need to talk to James," Lily suddenly announced.
"I don't know if this is the best time for that," Kristen replied, giving Lily a sidelong glance.
"Why not?"
"You're still hung over. Don't you think you'll need your whole brain when you duel with him?"
"We're not going to duel – we're just-"
"He saw what you did Lily, he's not going to want to take you someplace to snog. What do you think is going to happen?"
"I just – I need to talk to him, alright?"
Kristen shook her head and sighed, and Selene was trailing the two of them with a faint smile on her face. Of course she felt slightly guilty that Lily had gone so far with this whole Levent thing, but she couldn't help but be slightly amused at how much havoc one Cavillor could cause.
The three girls entered the Great Hall and noticed at once that it became unusually quiet. The students who had seen Lily in Hogsmeade the day before were watching her in extreme amusement. Great, she thought, another thing to alienate me from the normal student population.
She set her eyes on the floor and made her way to the end of an Ausculto table, where she and her friends were used to sitting and the Marauders had recently been joining them. Sirius and Remus were already sitting there, munching on their breakfast. Sirius glanced up and grinned, his mouth full of food, when he saw Selene. She shook her head and smiled, slipping into the seat next to him. Lily sat across from Selene and Kristen sat next to her.
"Where's James?" Lily asked.
Sirius glared at her. "Why do you want to know?"
"Because I have to talk to him! Do you all have to be so difficult?"
"After what you did, Lily, you can't expect everyone to just forget and forgive," Kristen mumbled, sipping her pumpkin juice. Remus was watching her closely, almost longingly, before he gave a start and stared down at his fork.
Before Lily could take a bite out of her toast, she felt a tap on her shoulder and spun around. Clover Sindri stood there, twirling a strand of her brown hair around her finger and watching Lily carefully. There was a younger student standing beside her, bearing great resemblance to Clover, except that her eyes were deep blue instead of hazel.
"Sorry to interrupt you Lily – but this is my sister, Mariana Sindri."
Lily looked slightly confused, so Kristen spoke up, sending her friend a look.
"Clover mentioned, while you were out of it, that her sister wanted to help us as well."
"Oh!" Lily smiled, ignoring Kristen's shortness. "Well it's nice to meet you Mariana." Lily held out a hand and shook Mariana's. The third year nodded, watching Lily with wide eyes and saying nothing.
"Er – she's a little shy sometimes." Clover said, putting a hand on the girl's shoulder.
Selene straightened in her seat. "We thought we'd have a meeting Wednesday night about the masquerade so that we can get all of the details together."
"Okay," Clover nodded and smiled, "Great! Well I'll see you then."
Lily turned back to her food once they had left, pushing her long red hair over her shoulder. She almost didn't notice when James Potter slid into the seat across from Kristen, looking tired.
When Lily did look up, it was to find James staring at her, his eyes blazing. She blinked and opened her mouth, finding herself at a loss for words. The tension at the table was tangible, and everyone had stopped eating and was looking between Lily and James.
"James," Lily suddenly blurted out, "let me explain-"
That seemed to be enough for him, because he got right back up and marched out of the Great Hall. Lily frowned and followed him, leaving her food to get cold and her friends to stare after them. She noticed Malfoy and Snape sitting at the end of the Slytherin table, watching her and sneering.
She shut the doors behind her and glanced around the Entrance Hall. Finally she spotted James walking down one of the adjacent corridors and chased after him.
"James!" She stopped suddenly when he spun around to stare at her. "James I'm – I'm-" He was making her nervous, staring like that, with his eyes so serious and unlike they usually were.
"What, you're sorry? It's a little late for that now; the image is permanently burned into my memory. As much as I was jealous, I trusted you and now-" James felt his resolve weakening. He was supposed to be showing her that he wasn't hurt, but it was all just too much.
Lily frowned and crossed her arms indignantly. "That's bullshit James and you know it! If you had trusted me, you wouldn't have been so angry with Levent all the time."
James had been advancing towards her, a murderous look on his face. Her voice slowly faded away and she became speechless, wide-eyed. She had never seen James like this. Re-gathering her strength, she managed to put a slightly composed look on her face. Then she sighed. "James, you have every right to be angry with me. I accept it and I'm only here to apologize. I miss you and – and don't you think you're being a bit over the top? Can't you learn to forgive me?"
James spoke softly, firmly. "I thought I loved you, Lily." His face was a mixture of pain and anger as he turned around and stomped away.
She stared after him for a moment before shaking herself and following. He was heading towards the Heads Room again. She called out to him, "When I was kissing him, all I could think about was you! I wanted to be with you, not him!"
"Oh Christ, what an image." James grumbled, not turning to look back at her.
She tried again, still following him. "But – that was the only time I actually kissed him back, and I was drunk, James!"
This caused James to stop and spin back around, his eyes burning. "You mean you've kissed him more than once?"
Lily swallowed. She hadn't meant to tell him that.
"You kissed him while we were together?" He roared. For a moment he looked like he was going to hit or throw something. And then he turned back around and proceeded towards the Heads common room.
She continued to follow him in silence, feeling tears forming in her eyes. He was right, all of it. She deserved it all and yet she wished he would forget everything. With a sinking feeling in her stomach, she watched him mutter something to the Three Musketeers and slip inside the room.
Lily jumped forward and tried to go through behind him, but the door had closed. "James, I loved you too!" she yelled desperately. "And I love you now – and I'm sorry…I'm so sorry." She slumped against the portrait and the tears streamed down her cheeks. She tried to mumble the password to get in, to try one more time, but Porthos looked at her distastefully and said,
"You can't get in without the correct password."
"He must have changed it," she mumbled, scrubbing at her cheek. "Fine, then I'm changing it again."
Athos shook his head gruffly. "You've got to know what the password was before or you can't create a new one." Aramis nodded, holding his feathered hat against his chest.
Lily burst into a fresh batch of tears and realized that she just didn't have the energy to argue.
♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠
The next few days went by quickly. Lily was sleeping in the seventh years' dorm with Kristen and Selene. She had eventually left the portrait of the Three Musketeers and resolved to not give into James. If he wanted to act this way, she wasn't going to continue begging. She had apologized. What more could she do right now? So she had made a mistake – a big one – but couldn't James find it in him to accept her apology? No, he had just been ignoring her instead.
It had been very evident when classes started again on Monday that neither of them was willing to give in anymore. Professor McGonagall had been extremely displeased when they wouldn't speak to one another during a group project in Transfiguration.
The days leading up to the meeting scheduled on Wednesday were filled to the brim with tension. She was dreading it, as she had been avoiding Levent completely and ignoring James, and they were both going to be there. At least, she assumed James would be coming, since he didn't seem to care very much about her anymore. And deep down, she knew that it was his right. She was one royal mess, as Kristen had so kindly pointed out. But Kristen had been acting rather weird lately as well, especially around Remus. Lily was so wrapped up in her own dilemma that she had not asked Kristen about their date, but now she was wondering if everything had gone okay, because they were always side-stepping one another.
On Wednesday afternoon, Lily entered the dungeons for Potions class with a frown on her face. James was her partner in this class, as had been appointed by Professor Jenkins the week before. Whatever was in store for her, she was not looking forward to it.
She took a seat next to James, who was already there, his hair looking even messier than usual and enticing her to try to flatten it, even though she knew she could do no such thing.
Selene slid into the seat behind her with Kristen. They both greeted Lily and Kristen attempted to smile at her encouragingly. She might not be happy with Lily's decisions or behavior lately, but she wasn't one to give up on her friends that easily. Selene was humming to herself and casting random glances over at Sirius, who winked back.
Lily turned back to Kristen and whispered, "The meeting is at seven, right?"
Kristen blinked; Lily and James were usually in charge of these things. She certainly was never the boss or the leader of anything…but considering certain circumstances…"Er – yeah," she whispered in response.
"Miss Evans, would you care to close your mouth and turn around, hmm?" Professor Jenkins was standing in front of the class, leaning against his desk and watching her with disapproval. He had always been rather dry towards all of his students, however, so Lily never took it personally.
She turned back around and sat quietly, opening her book to the page indicated on the blackboard.
"Fertilizer Potions," he began. A few snickers rang out through the class and he frowned. He might be a coward in the best of times, but he could generally keep the class in order. He continued in a drawling voice, "are only useful for people with gardens or who care too much for their plants. But, because they're the next section in the book, we will be trying them today. You'll find a list of ingredients on page 957, which you will find in this cabinet right here-" He tapped a cabinet on his left, "you may begin."
Lily turned to James and saw that he was leaning over the cauldron and ignoring her as usual. She sighed and lifted her book to go look for the ingredients. The list was dreadfully long and by the time she returned to her desk, the cauldron was already properly heated and simmering. And James was staring at her in the most peculiar fashion. Her heart dropped every time they made eye contact, because she knew that she could not kiss him, couldn't touch him. She shouldn't even be allowed the right at this point, and she knew that. And looking at him, especially at his eyes, really made her wish she could.
She dropped her book and the randomly gathered items onto the desk and began chopping. She tried to ignore the blush that rose up her neck as she realized that he was still staring at her with that strange glint in his eyes.
And then, quite unexpectedly, she felt a hand brush against her rear end and squeeze, rather roughly. She gave a sharp jerk, dropping the knife and barely moving her hand out of the way before she chopped off her finger.
She turned to James, crossing her arms across her stomach. "What the bloody hell was that?"
But James was ignoring her again, intent upon the cauldron and dropping the first ingredients inside, stirring lightly. Fuming, Lily turned back to the knife and began chopping again, this time violently.
It wasn't long before his hand returned. She turned on him angrily, the knife still in her hand, and pointed it at him.
He held his hands up in the air, smirking and infuriating her further.
"Are you trying to sexually molest me or something?"
"I'm only acting like a Slytherin would. I thought you liked Slytherins." Then he stopped and a look came across his face; feigned realization. "Oh no – I'm sorry – you only like shagging them."
Lily's eyes almost popped out of her head at the implication. She turned away from him sharply and felt tears pricking at her eyes. As if she would ever sleep with Levent. What she had done, it was awful, but it was no where near that – and he hardly had the right to insult her like this. He should know better. If that was something she took lightly, she and James would have been at it long ago – didn't he know this?
For a second, he looked close to apologizing, but then shut his mouth firmly and stared at the blue-green substance in the cauldron, his face a mask. Lily absolutely refused to cry in front of him, and as a result, they spent the rest of the class in silence.
♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠
Lily made her way to the meeting with a sinking feeling in her stomach. The way she saw it, nothing good could possibly come out of this. She realized that they needed to plan the masquerade, but nothing could get done with James and Levent both there, and her thrown into the middle of it.
She walked into McGonagall's classroom and smiled weakly at Sirius and Selene, who were sitting off to the side smirking at one another. Lily had long ago given up trying to understand those two. Kristen was sitting at a desk in the front and obviously staring at Remus, who was staring out the window. As Lily approached her, Kristen suddenly snapped her attention away from him and forced a smile at Lily.
"Sorry," she said, "I'm just a little tired."
Lily nodded, making a mental note to be a better friend and figure out what exactly was going on between Remus and Kristen. The door opened and Lily's head shot up. She let out a breath – it was only Clover and Mariana, and Astor came in behind them.
But before she could turn away in relief, Levent strolled through the doorway, looking as handsome as ever. Lily swallowed, realizing that he was headed for her. She didn't want to talk to him now; she wasn't sure how she could go about telling him to stay away from her.
Selene seemed to notice all of this as she grabbed Levent's arm and said something to him that caused him to turn around and smile at her. Lily shot Selene a grateful look. And then she felt someone breathe on her neck and shivered. She knew who it was; she didn't need to turn around. Taking a step away, she said loudly,
"Well, now that everyone is here, let's get started." She sat down on top of one of the desks and faced everyone. James was glaring fiercely at Levent, who didn't look like he noticed any of it. But he was watching Lily carefully enough to make her nervous.
"We've already decided on decorations – with the tree and snowflakes and all. Of course everyone's costumes will be decoration as well."
"What about music?" Sirius asked.
"Didn't we say traditional wizarding Christmas music would be good?" Astor commented.
"And a little bit of Muggle, for good measure. And modern music too, it can't all be traditional or people will get bored." James seemed to be trying to prove that Lily did not faze him and neither did Levent, and he wasn't affected at all by any of it.
Lily, trying not to watch James, repeated something about how they wouldn't know each other and everyone would have to switch partners frequently for the first part of the ball.
"For the thousandth time, we know," Selene muttered. Lily shot her a look.
The meeting was not nearly as bad as Lily had assumed that it would be. In fact, it was almost pleasant. Even Mariana, who had proved to be rather quiet, had contributed. They had pretty much everything sorted out, and the masquerade was set for two days before everyone left for holiday break, which meant they had two weeks.
After the meeting, Lily walked out with Kristen, who was still staring after Remus with an almost sour look on her face. She was about to ask what was up when she noticed James walking down the hall and an idea occurred to her. Most of her clothes were still in her Head Girl room, and she needed to get in sooner or later to retrieve them if nothing else.
"I'll meet up with you later," she mumbled to Kristen, who glanced at her in confusion.
Lily ran off after James, deciding to inconspicuously follow him and gain access to her bedroom. As she walked along behind him, she was finding it very hard to not try apologizing again, just so that she could touch him and feel like everything was okay again. This whole thing had been going on so long and it was tiring; she just wanted him back.
He stopped in front of the Three Musketeers and muttered something. They bowed and swung forward. Lily was so caught up in her thoughts that she forgot to move, and when she realized that he was almost inside, she did the first thing that came to mind. She jumped on his back, causing him to spin around and the two of them to tumble to the floor inside the Heads common room.
"What in Merlin's name," James spluttered. He had landed on his back, staring up at Lily, who was spread out over him, her legs on either side of his waist. In fact, it was a very uncomfortable position, but mostly out of its inconvenience at the moment. "Fuck Lily, you could have killed me."
She glared at him. "Hardly. And since you've been locking me out, I had to find some way in, didn't I?"
His jaw clenched. "You could have asked Dumbledore, did you ever think of that?"
"Of course I did!" She yelled back at him, her face reddening. She hadn't wanted to give in.
Suddenly his glare slipped and his dark eyes slid away from hers. She softened and realized that she was doing what she had wanted to do for the past couple weeks; touching him. She brushed his black hair out of his eyes and stared down at him, now leaning very close to his face. She closed her eyes, feeling his breath on her neck.
"Lily, I'm sorry for – well – the way I acted in Potions. I never meant to say something like that, I just…"
"James, can't we just put this behind us?" Lily pleaded softly, moving her hand back into his messy hair.
Suddenly he stiffened again. He had said that he wouldn't lose this, hadn't he promised himself? And he was giving in to the feeling of her pressed against him. Scowling, he pushed her off and got to his feet.
"I'll apologize for my behavior Evans, but I won't excuse yours. I never thought you, of all people, would cheat on me."
"We were on a break…" She tried feebly, knowing that it was an awful excuse. He was already standing, staring down at where she was sitting on the floor.
"I can't forget about it – not this." His eyes stared into hers. "You were right Lily, I don't know you." And then he turned and walked into his bedroom, shutting the door firmly behind him.
♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠
A/N: I'm sorry this chapter didn't come out as quickly as I had hoped. I came back to school, and unpacked, and then everything just sort of fell on my head. This morning I thought I would take a break from reading organic chemistry and actually finish this, because it's been bothering me for about a week and a half to do it. Soo, finally, here we are :D
Shadyday9- Well, even I was looking forward to the next few chapters (despite the emotional agony of the characters), and clearly I knew what was going to happen too :D I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter, though!
Me- Well, Lily doesn't believe herself anymore either, so I suppose we're all on the same page….Thanks for reading :)
Hmph- I'm sorry about not updating quite soon enough. Levent is…an ambigious guy. I can't give you that answer just yet. Lol, I know how you feel about the spelling. Especially when I've been writing for awhile and I'm tired…it seems like I'm spelling everything a bit off. Thanks again!
GoddessoftheMaaN- Lol, you are definitely not a lazy reviewer. You're a very loyal one, however :D I really appreciate that. And James and Lily will have to fix this soon, if they plan on having a kid…it's a shame they're not planning that yet, though…
Snazzysnez- Thanks :D Lily will realize she's being thick eventually…she is Lily, after all. I'm just forcing her to be a bit un-Lily-like for awhile. Sometimes it's hard to understand how much you have until you lose it…
♥Emily