A/N: I keep getting messages about my DS fics. I'm sorry but i'm not continuing them. I have no inspiration. Try and put yourself in my shoes, if there's a ship you really don't care for, imagine being forced to write for them. It's not going to happen. This is for my DB peeps. If you don't like it, please don't read it, it's not really intended for people who only ship Dan and Serena together. We're coming down to some of the hardest things to write. Enjoy and please review :)
I WANNA HOLD YOUR HAND
BY: THE BEATLES
FROM: ACROSS THE UNIVERSE
XOXOXOXO
It felt like a lifetime since she had to take these kind of matters into her own hands. It started with a dream, a dream of familiar hands that roamed every inch of her body, known lips that felt and tasted just like her man. Somehow she was completely aware that it was all a dream. It was too good to be true, and so she reveled in the moment, completely aware that she would eventually wake, and he wouldn't be there beside her. Through her hazy dream state she found her need to be close to him insatiable. Nothing would be close enough, her lips devoured his but it wasn't enough. He kissed her palm then looped his fingers with hers, in an instant she found some satisfaction.
She woke up breathless but tried to push the sinful ideas out of her head. It's one thing to have such a dirty dream, but it's another when it's with your ex. She quickly got in the shower thinking the heavy desire for release would float away so she could think straight and not waste any time. Today she would be seeing Dan for the first time since he and Gillian broke up. Naturally, she had planned on making herself appear as a vision of perfection. She set her alarm to give her ample time for her morning routine and then some extra time to ensure she looked every bit the girl he fell in love with. As she turned off the water and stepped out of the shower she sighed, the desire had not diminished in the least. She blow-dried her hair and tried to occupy her mind with something else. When her hair was dry she looked in the mirror with frustration, checked the clock on her vanity and dropped her silk robe, before getting back into her bed, giving in to herself. Just when she felt herself on the cusp of climax her elevator bell dinged and heeled shoes clipped on to the marble floor.
"BLAIR?" Nina's voice rang through the apartment.
Blair, obviously flustered, sat up against her headboard, quickly pulled on the bra and panties she had laid out for herself, then combed through her smooth hair with her fingertips. "Blair!" Nina called out again.
"Yes..." Blair sighed as Nina knocked gently on her bedroom door.
"You're still in bed? it's,..." Nina lifted her cellphone to her face. "It's almost eleven," she leaned against the door frame.
"I,...was already up I just...," she pressed her lips together gently trying to be aloof. Swinging her legs off the bed she listened to Nina carry on about the newest man she had added to her long list of conquests.
"I don't want to hear about your amazing sex life when mine is non-existent," Blair walked to her closet.
"You broke up with Patrick like six days ago, that hardly gives you the right to be jealous. Anyway,...I don't usually condone long hair on men..."
"Unless its Brad Pitt,..." Blair nodded knowing exactly what her friend was about to say next.
"Exactly. Which brings me to my next point,...kind of reminds me of Brad Pitt," she starred into the distance thinking about his long, wavy locks.
Blair scoffed and Nina continued. "I'm telling you. There is something about him. Not Brad Pitt now,...Brad Pitt circa early 90s,"
"Oh my god, how old is Garrett?" she wasn't sure she wanted to know.
Nina's mouth opened then she smiled, clearly aware of how Blair would react. "He's...young,"
"Young as in,...freshly, legal drinking age or recently old enough to drive a car?" Blair grabbed a hanger from her closet.
"he's...twenty two,"
"NINA!" Blair scolded as she tossed the hanger on to her bed and stepped into a pink sundress.
"Shut up," she said casually while placing a hand on her hip.
"Where the hell do you meet these guys? Can you zip me up?"
Nina walked over and zipped Blair's dress up effortlessly. "Bag yourself one and we can enjoy our boy-toys together," she smiled smugly. "Full of stamina,...always aiming to please. Can go all night if you provide some sort of sport drink to replenish necessary electrolytes,..." She pursed her lips together then smiled.
"Has anyone ever told you that 'cougar' is tacky? What's with the boy phase? You sound like you're used to old men," Blair pushed her breasts together repeatedly while standing in front of a mirror.
"Well Vince was pretty old,..."
"Why can't you date men your own age?... or within,..." she held her hand out. "...five years of your age?"
"I tried that. The outcome was a runaway bride..."
"Oh so this is much better? I bet his mother loves this..."
"It's fun!," she excused her actions. "He's,...energetic. He has a friend who's really cute..." she smirked.
"Sorry. I like a man who knows what he's doing," Blair turned away and looked through her heels.
"That's the exciting part. You can mould him,"
"I'm not interested in being a teacher," Blair said definitively as she snatched a pair of wedges off the shelf.
"I'll be back, i'm going to have a smoke," Nina turned on her heels, her long, blonde hair swinging.
"I'm leaving in a bit," Blair said.
"Where are you going?" Nina stopped rummaging through her purse looking for her pack.
"Nicky has a soccer game," Blair flipped her voluminous hair to the side and sat at the edge of the bed in order to slide on her shoes.
"Has anyone ever told you that 'soccer mom' is tacky," Nina said blankly.
Blair rolled her eyes. "I'm attending a game. That hardly makes me a minivan-driving, windbreaker-wearing mess." she defended herself with an eye-roll.
"Wait, you're going to a soccer game in Cavalli?" she starred at her friend quizzically.
"I carried my baby on my hip for two years in Cavalli," she said smugly. "Beckham, McCartney, Armani, Versace, Dior, Posen, Cassini, Chanel and Eleanor Waldorf too!" she put a hand on her hip with sass.
"I do appreciate how well dressed you were while caring for a baby, my point is...why are you dressing up?"
"I'm not," Blair glanced in the mirror.
"You are. You're wearing a flirty sundress to a soccer game. A sundress you bought while out shopping with me two days ago. And If I remember correctly you're wearing a new lingerie set under that dress..." her eyes narrowed wondering if the set she just saw Blair in, was the same one she recently purchased.
"I..."
"One of two things is happening. You want all the single daddies to look your way or you want a specific, single daddy to look your way,"
"Nina, stop," she sighed. "I'm just going to her soccer game. No motives ok?"
"Okay then you won't mind if I tag along?"
"That's very extrinsic of you considering you hate soccer, children and wind..." she cocked an eyebrow with severe doubt.
"I love my goddaughter," she pulled a pack of cigarettes out of her purse with her long, french-manicured talons.
"Well, then Nina, you're welcome to come. You can stand with Nate..."
"Oh Nate's going? Good, then I don't have to go. I can call him after to see how much you two flirted during the game," she stuffed a smoke in the corner of her lips.
"There is not going to be any flirting!" Blair stressed.
"I'm just looking out for you. I want you to remember why you broke up in the first place,"
"I'm aware ok?" she shot her friend a glare then turned away from the mirror.
"You just broke up with Patrick. You're in a vulnerable place and you think he's exactly what you need," she pulled the cigarette from her lips. "You didn't want to break up with Patrick for this very reason. You know Dan is single you're starting to...,"
"It's not like that at all!" she snapped. "I've come to terms with our relationship being over..."
"Wow, can you make that sound any less convincing?...I don't want you to start anything without remembering why you ended it in the first place. You're feeling attached to him and that's only natural. But you can't do anything if you're just going to regret it later. Blair, you signed those papers and then you smiled at him..."
"He wasn't the guy I fell in love with then,"
"But he's that guy now?" Nina asked seriously.
"...Yes," Blair's eyes glanced around her room then met Nina's with regret.
Nina starred at her friend solemnly. "You're divorced Blair,"
"I know," she said softly then pressed her lips together. "And it's good because the honeymoon period never lasts with us. Time will only show me that I don't need him, nor do I want him,"
"I didn't say that..."
"You basically did," she shrugged.
"I don't want you making a mess for him," she said honestly.
"I know. Don't worry. I won't play with his heart...that is if he even feels the same way I do which i'm really not sure. It's not really my place to tell him that he should come back to me now. Who knows if he even..." she trailed off.
"Regardless,..." Nina began. "If you're both feeling something,...It doesn't mean you belong together anymore," she almost immediately regretted the words and tilted her head to the side. "I'm sorry..."
Blair shrugged a little, obviously upset, before going to her vanity and fixing her hair. "Honey," Nina stood in the mirror so she could see her long, lean frame. "Please don't think i'm saying this because I don't want you together. I'm saying this because I love you and I don't want you to regret anything. I've said it before and i'll say it again,...you ended your marriage for a reason. If there was a shred of doubt in your mind, you would have never agreed to the divorce,"
"We both believe in happiness. We promised each-other we would never settle. We wouldn't just stay together if it was easier." Blair got up and sat down on her bed.
"We both come from broken homes and we always said, if we ever felt like we didn't belong together we would end it. At that time, we did not belong together. We did not function like a couple should. We didn't communicate. I hated him for being quiet and he hated me for expressing my opinions. He can only apologize so many times before it all sounds the same. I'm not disagreeing with you Nina," she said calmly.
"So just be friends," Nina shrugged.
"Iccan!..." she said sharply trailing off in a mumble. Nina took a seat beside Blair seeing that she was obviously upset. "I can't," she repeated, avoiding eye contact with Nina.
"You're friends now though," Nina grabbed her hand.
"You can say that we're friends but it's not like it was. It's not like we're back in college, it's not like we could just go back to that friendship because we're not the same people. We can't just go back to a time when we never let Nate in on our inside jokes or when we watched movies that no one else had ever heard of."
"You know when we met?" Blair cleared her throat and squeezed Nina's hand.
"I knew we would be the best of friends the moment I saw your shoes..." Nina nodded with a smile.
"I told you that Dan and I were just friends. Well,...I used to kiss him everyday when we were just friends,...just because," she shrugged with a smile. "Just because it was fun and safe. We can't go back to that. We can't just cuddle because we feel like it or kiss because no one is telling us we're not allowed. I told him more things than I ever told Serena. I laughed more than I ever did with Serena. And no offense but my relationship with you is not like my relationship with him either," she swallowed.
"There are things that only we can understand, things that bonded us for life. No one knows what we went through with Connor. No one understands what it was like when we finally got Nicky. So,...I should be embarrassed but yes I bought a new dress for today..." she confessed sadly.
"Blair,..." Nina thought for a moment.
"I bought a new dress." she said with more confidence as she straightened out the hem. "And I'm going to wear it,"
XOXOXOXOXOX
"I can't wear this one! It'll fall right off! I need a stretchy one," Nicky grabbed a headband out of her dad's offering hand.
"You can't play soccer without a headband?" Dan starred down at his daughter.
"Oh my god,..." she rolled her eyes.
"I'll take that as a no," Dan grabbed his keys off the counter and followed his urgent daughter who desperately needed him to stop at a store and buy her a headband before her game. "You have like a million of them at your mom's house and you don't think to bring one when you know you have a game?" Dan ignorantly asked as they entered the store.
"I never know where i'm going to be anymore since you both trade me around like a baseball card!"
"Oh the dramatics..."
"I didn't know I was sleeping at your house last night! I thought mom was going to take me to my game!"
"Okay calm down,..." Dan crossed his arms. "Pick one, let's go you're going to be late,"
Nicky picked up the ones she liked and handed them to her dad who hurried to the cash register checking his watch a few times. "Can I get some water?" she asked Dan as she followed behind him in her cleats.
"You forgot your water?" Dan starred at her. "What's going on with you?"
"Fine, I won't have water. I'll just die of dehydration on the field..."
"Get it!, let's go!" he rushed her.
"oooh daddy!..." Nicky stopped in front of a boutique display full of pretty packaged makeup palettes and lipsticks. Dan looked over and let out a scoff. "Dadddddyyyyy,..." she whined. "But,...I need it. I absolutely need it!" she clasped her hands together.
"Nope,"
"Mommy would let me have it,..." she tried with big doe-eyes.
"Hah! Don't make me laugh," Dan pulled out his credit card and tapped it on the counter.
"Daddy, can I use your phone?" Dan ignored her as he paid for her items. "Daddy?..." Dan handed over his iphone absentmindedly still busy with the transaction. "What's your password?" she asked how to unlock the home-screen as her thumb ran over it.
"It declined," the cashier said.
"What?" Dan asked him.
"Daddy? Whats your password?" Nicky asked again.
"Yeah it says it declined," the guy told Dan.
"There's money on it..." Dan thought for a minute.
"Daddy? Can you put in your password?" Nicky tugged on his t-shirt.
"Uhhh," Dan rubbed his chin. "Can you try it again please?" he asked politely.
"Daddy?" Dan grabbed the phone from her hand and quickly input the password numbers then handed it back to her.
"It still says it declined,"
"Are we poor?" Nicky asked, not looking up from the game she was now playing on his phone.
"Ok enough..." Dan turned to her.
"I can try again if you..." the boy asked Dan.
"...What is..." Dan took his card back and groaned realizing he was handing him the wrong card. "Man, i'm sorry. Here," he handed him the right one. "Thank-you," Dan thanked the young man and told Nicky to pick up her stuff.
As the walked out of the store Dan's phone began to ring, he held his hand out to Nicky. "Let voicemail pick it up, i'm almost at the next level," she said with her eyes glued to the screen.
"Absolutely not," his hand still out.
"Daddy,"
"Nicole Brianna...,"
"Fine,..." she rolled her eyes and handed it over. "If you would just buy me my own iphone...,"
"Enough. It's enough," he sighed. "Hello?" he answered. "Meaning you're not coming?" Dan asked. Nicky's eyes starred up at Dan wide and worried. "Yeah i'll save you a spot," he laughed a little and a smile spread across his face. "Okay Daisy," he hung up. "Mommy is stuck in traffic but she'll be there as soon as she can,"
"Okay," she held her hand out hoping he would give the phone back.
'Nope," he slid it into his pocket.
"You're no fun today," she pouted.
"You're being a brat today," he retorted.
"No, you're just being extra mean today," she shuffled along.
"Me?" he scoffed. "Because I questioned why you couldn't remember to bring one of your thousands of headbands over to my house?" he asked. "Or was it when I said I wouldn't buy you makeup?"
"All the other girls on the team wear makeup!"
"Well that's probably because they're not as naturally beautiful as you are,"
Nicky still didn't seem convinced. "Oh is this about the iphone?" Dan asked. "..How many girls your age have a cellphone?"
"All of them!"
"Do not exaggerate,"
"Daddy, I just want one,"
"You have one,"
"No! I don't have an iphone!" she whined. "What if we win the game?" she pressed her hands together as if she was praying.
"No, no Way,"
"If i score a goal?"
"We don't bribe children,..." Dan began a saying Blair had been saying since Nicky was small.
"We reward them..." she finished, still looking quite positive she could talk him into the new device.
"I don't want to hear about it again okay?" Dan said sternly.
XOXOXOXOXOX
Blair showed up about ten minutes late through no fault of her own. The traffic had been brutal even though she left the apartment twenty minutes earlier than she normally would have. When she arrived at the soccer field the teams of girls were in huddles and the parents were lined up on the side with their fold up chairs and umbrellas to shield them from the harsh sun. She walked along the side hoping she'd get a glimpse of her daughter's unmistakable wavy ponytail, before she did, she noticed Dan standing amongst the other spectators. The huddles broke and Dan clapped enthusiastically along with some of the other involved dads. She always loved how involved Dan was in Nicky's soccer. Though she couldn't see his eyes, they were covered by his sunglasses, she knew he was watching their daughter intently and making mental notes about her techniques for later. Dan only noticed Blair as everyone's head started to turn, he couldn't help but chuckle to himself by the reaction she had on men. He never understood her claim that she didn't have the power Serena had on the opposite sex, she always got so many looks but was always completely oblivious to her natural draw.
"You really oughta join a league," she took her place beside him and asked if she missed anything exciting.
"Not so far..." he barely got out as he and the other parents began shouting. "That's it! That's it!"
"lately she's been trying to manipulate me," Dan said, his eyes still following their daughter who kicked the ball and weaved through other players.
"I suppose she's at that age," Blair chuckled starring at the field. "Is she any good at it?" Blair enquired with vested interest.
"Not as good as you," he spoke but his eyes still scanned the field back and fourth as Nicky ran.
"Yeah yeah yeah...that's it," the man standing beside Blair began to chant. Blair looked to Dan who stood stoically, his arms crossed against his chest.
"YEAH NIC!" Dan yelled and clapped causing Blair to jump at the volume. She looked up to see Nicky fixing her headband as some of the other girls congratulated her on the goal. A few of the guys standing with Dan began to chat about how great of a goal it was. One of them clapped Dan on the back.
"Sunscreen?" Blair nudged Dan as she opened the cap of her La roche posay cream.
Blair watched him chuckle then decline. "No thanks," he didn't take his eyes off the field.
"The sun is the number one contributor to premature aging," she stated while slathering her exposed arms in the white cream.
"I thought you said I was aging like George Clooney,..."
"Oh shut up..." she gave him a little shove. Dan laughed and Blair couldn't help but smile at him.
The game was almost over when Dan finally turned to look at Blair, "Oh you look nice. You going somewhere after?" he asked.
"Umm,..." she smiled. "I'm...," his eyes were back on the game and she didn't feel an answer was required.
"Great game!" Blair congratulated her daughter as she hugged her. Nicky pulled from her and started explaining technicalities with Dan who just listened seriously but told her she was great even if she doubted herself a little.
"Be proud of yourself a little okay?" he laughed wondering where the modesty came from, she was the only one who successfully scored two goals. "Ice cream?" Dan asked throwing her pink bag over his shoulder. Nicky pulled her headband off, and Blair went straight to her long, thick locks and began running her hands through it.
"Macy asked if I wanted to get ice cream with her,"
"Mom came so we could spend the afternoon together..." Dan reminded her.
"I know but I really want to go with them!"
Dan looked over at Blair. "Well I guess if you really want to go..."
"Please!"
"Okay you can go," Blair said. In a heartbeat Nicky was kicking off her cleats. She then stripped off her shin pads and handed them to her dad before rushing off towards her friends.
"Hey!" Blair called Nicky back over to her. "You call me when you get there?"
"Ok!"
"And let me know where you're coming home too,"
"Ok! Ok!"
"Hey!" she called her back once more. Nicky bounced on her feet and turned to her mom. Blair gestured for her to come back and pulled her in for a hug, then kissed her on the forehead. "I love you,"
"I love you too,"
Before she could even get two feet away Dan was yelling, "Eh eh eh!," Nicky groaned and ran back to hug her dad.
"You know some kids have parents that don't like them at all..." Dan said as he quickly kissed her on the cheek.
"What do you want me to say right now?" Nicky asked with a laugh as he pulled away from their hug.
"Love you,"
"I love you too. Okay? good? can I go now? everyone is waiting for me,"
"Be good. Be polite..." Dan started.
"Be safe, be careful," Blair finished then looked up to see Macy's parents who were clearly waiting on Nicky. Blair and Dan both waved, giving their permission to Christine and Doug.
"Call me when you get there!" Blair called out after her as Dan packed up Nicky's gym bag and tossed it in the backseat of the car.
"See how much better it is when she has friends her own age..." Dan breathed.
"Please don't start..."
"Alright, alright,..." he nodded.
"So,..." Blair shrugged then looked down at the hem of her shoes.
"Umm...Ice-cream?" he asked Blair while tapping the roof of the car.
They walked through Central Park casually. Dan with a strawberry cone, Blair with dark chocolate. She felt like a girl who's crush finally asked her on a date. It was preposterous and she wanted to scold herself for feeling this way but she couldn't help it.
"So anyway, I thought his writing style really had something," Dan continued talking. "Maybe i'm losing my touch. I did receive an award for finding how many best sellers?" he asked.
"Twenty nine," Blair answered. "But don't act modest or anything," she laughed.
"Blair, I don't have very much to brag about..." he laughed. "Let me have this,"
She cleared her throat, "You have two best sellers Dan,"
"Yeah but,..." he inhaled. "Only one I really pay attention to...I don't know..." he trailed off.
"It's a solid novel. You should always be proud of it,...regardless," she looked over and smiled. An awkward silence fell between them. They ate their ice cream without words.
"I think ice cream was a poorly executed plan..." Dan said as he licked the side of his cone to prevent it from dripping everywhere. "The radio said that today is the hottest day of the year this far,"
"I knew we should have moved upstate so we could have a pool,"
"Upstate?," he laughed.
"It would have been nice to have a place away from the busy city,"
"Who are you?" he asked quizzically. "We both thrive on the energy of New York,"
"Still nice to get away sometimes,"
"I guess," he shrugged. "Everytime I walk through this park I feel weird that I don't have Winston," Dan looked over at a guy jogging with his retriever.
"I know," Blair said. "I miss it so much,"
"Why don't you get another dog?" he asked.
"I couldn't lose another pet," she inhaled. "And I don't think Nicky could either,"
"I can't believe she ditched us..." Dan chuckled seeing a few people with their kids.
"She's almost ten..." Blair shrugged. "It was bound to happen. That reminds me, I'm going to start planning her birthday party so I need to know..."
"Her birthday!?" Dan scoffed. "If I recall she was born in October so..."
"Which is exactly why I want to start planning now," she said in true form.
"Of course..." Dan should have known.
"Halloween costume party?" she asked his opinion.
"I like it," he nodded.
"You have to dress up Humphrey," she said in a warning tone.
"Why do you look at me like that?" he laughed, Blair couldn't help but smile at him.
"Because I know you hate dressing up for halloween," she gave him a playful push on the shoulder.
"Yet, i've done it every single year..."
"When we were together! And when I could force you..." she laughed.
"Remember that year when we were Danny and Sandy from Grease?" Dan asked.
"How on earth could I forget that? that was our first year with her!,"
"No I think she was a few years old..." Dan thought.
"Humphrey!," Blair's eyes widened. "She was two weeks old! we didn't plan on going out and that's why our costumes were so half-assed,"
Dan began to nod. "Nate told me that a white t-shirt and leather jacket didn't make me Danny Zucko. And I recall he was even more angry with your attempt..."
"Because I decided to be good girl Sandy at the start of the film opposed to hot, end of the movie-Sandy," Blair laughed. "I don't know why he ever expected anything else from me. You both know how much I hate the message the end of the movie sends..."
"We ruined one of Nate's favourite movies..."
"What's with him and musicals?" Blair asked. Dan laughed out loud recalling Nate's affinity for 'The Sound of Music'.
"What was Nate that year?" she asked.
"Batman and Nina was Poison Ivy,"
"And they didn't even plan it!" Blair laughed out loud remembering the laughter that filled their apartment.
"They're subconsciously in love...Remember Nicky was a cupcake..." Blair smiled sweetly.
"She was so little,"
"fifteen days old,...and now she'd rather spend time with her friends,"
"Why does no one tell you that it doesn't matter how good your relationship with your kid is, there will still come a time when they would rather be with their friends,"
"And then they go off to college and get their own apartment and never come back..."
"That's just a sign you did a good job," Dan smiled.
"Active parenting is so finite. We could potentially live another forty years after she goes to college. Well not you, you did smoke for a large portion of your young-adult life," Dan chuckled at her comment. "but still,...that's longer than her entire childhood twice over and we're going to have to get used to that,"
"There was a time when we didn't have her," Dan reminded Blair with an eyebrow raise.
"It's as if we live multiple lives," she contemplated.
"Just life stages,"
"So now we've covered dead dogs, and our child inevitably leaving the nest...Now i'm depressed...cheer me up,"
"She's always going to need us Blair," Dan offered a smile. Her hand brushed his gently, she pulled away quickly and used it to tuck her hair behind her ear.
"We're heading to the Hamptons next weekend and if you want to come..." Blair suggested.
"Uh,...isn't Patrick going?"
"No," she answered quickly. "We uh broke up," she made an awkward face.
"Oh,...oh," he blinked a few times.
"If you don't want to come to the beach house it's fine...I just thought,...they're still your nephews you know? You're still family,"
"Well, yeah I guess I could go,"
"Don't do me any favours..." she said thinking he sounded less than interested.
"I didn't mean it like that. I was just wondering where I would stay,"
"...I just assumed we would stay how we usually do. The three of us..." she felt her hand brush his once again, her eyes trying to connect with his.
"I actually don't think that's a good idea," he looked uncomfortable and Blair felt him slipping from her grip.
"Okay," she swallowed.
XOXOXOXOXOX
FLASHBACK
"I still feel like lamaze are for hippies and monks. I've been breathing my whole life and now I have to learn how to do it properly?" Blair's face twisted with skepticism as she kneeled down then sat Indian style on a mat just like the other dozen pregnant women were doing. "This is ridiculous, this mat is probably filthy..."
"Shhh!" Dan hushed her then smiled at the instructor hoping she didn't hear Blair's little rant.
"Look at this guy...," Blair scoffed as a thin, bald guy followed his wife into the room. They were a young and handsome couple much like Dan and Blair. but clearly in a very different profession seeing that they had multiple tattoos in areas they couldn't hide. "You must feel so comfortable surrounded by Brooklyn hipsters," she scowled.
"Let me remind you that you're the one that insists on a natural birth," Dan began. "You might be all secure in how you're going to get through this but I am not," he annunciated carefully through tight lips. The instructor had everyone go around and introduce themselves and say how far along they were.
"I'm Jesse and this is Erica," the bald guy with tattoos said.
"What do you think? common-law?" Blair snorted.
"Blair,..." Dan said in a warning tone.
"Can't the woman speak for herself? she just smiles while he talks for her?"
"Stop..."
"we're almost there," Jesse smiled. "About a month left before we have our little girl. So we thought it would be a good idea to get a few of these classes in."
Jesse had started a trend because after the first three couples it became apparent that the partner/husband was doing the talking as they went around the room. The instructor made a comment about how she had never seen that before but thought it was really sweet to start out that way. When it was Dan's turn he barely opened his mouth.
"I'm completely capable of speaking for myself," Blair smiled with a blink. "I'm Blair, i'm twenty weeks pregnant. It's a boy,...Oh, this is Dan,"
The room went silent for a moment before the instructor pressed her hands together and then began the class.
"You know we can leave. If you're going to act like this is a waste of time, maybe we should just leave," Dan spoke into her ear.
Blair rolled her eyes and then looked at Jesse and Erica with distaste. "Ugh, it's like they think they're superior to all the other couples,"
"What are you talking about?" Dan inhaled.
"He's being teacher's pet...and Erica keeps glancing over here and rubbing her stomach like she's mocking me for not being as far along..." she rubbed her bump.
"You are delusional..., she's not looking over here at all. Now breathe,"
"I highly doubt breathing is going to be enough to get through the worst pain a woman can endure,"
"What's the alternative Blair? you're just going to scream bloody murder but continue to refuse medication?"
"I will not bring my child into the world strung out on painkillers!" her jaw clenched.
Dan started to laugh which caught Blair off guard. "What?" she turned her head slightly so she could see him behind her.
"You want to have a home birth too? you wanna have this baby in our bathtub?...you sound like a hippie," his lips pulled to the side.
"I do not!"
As the class moved along, Blair found herself relaxing to the point of her closing her eyes while Dan's hands kneaded her lower back. "Okay this might not be so bad. Don't get me wrong, I still think it's stupid," She sighed contently as he continued.
"Good. I feel a little better now actually," he pressed his lips together.
"What are you so worried about?" she asked while sitting up as instructed. "You honestly think this is going to help?"
"I just..."he rubbed his eyebrow feeling silly. "My mind just...," he inhaled. "I'm terrified," he confessed with shame.
"Do I really have to be the one to tell you it's going to be fine? women give birth everyday," she nudged him with her body.
"Yeah but you,...you don't," his head tilted to the side. "I'm worried that i'm not going to be able to do anything for you" he sighed. "Blair,..." he gulped and looked around. "I've never seen you in pain like that..."
"You need to stop watching birthing shows, it's scaring you," she inhaled and continued breathing with the other women.
"All the guys on those shows are so calm and together. What if i'm not?"
When Blair sat back up after the instructor told them that was the conclusion of the class and if they had any questions they should stick around. Blair got up on her feet with the help of Dan. "I don't believe for a second that you would be anything other than perfect," her eyes met his.
"You have a lot of faith," he smiled as she wrapped her hands around his neck, Dan could feel her bump pressing against his midsection and always found it to be strange knowing their baby was caught between them.
"Just be there and hold my hand," her request was simple and put him at ease.
"That's all?"
"That's all," she nodded.
"You're not going to yell at me?" he asked.
"I might throw some shade at Eve for showing no restraint and eating the apple," she blinked rapidly with animosity. "...but no i'm not going to yell at you," she laughed lightly. "It'll be worth it. It's going to be amazing, you'll see,"
"I think you've done a 180 from the last time I talked to you about this,"
"He has to come out eventually," she smirked then leaned up to kiss him.
"Hi, Blair is it?" Erica walked over, Blair pulled her arms off Dan and looked to the woman.
"Yes,"
"I'm sorry, if you thought I was starring,...I just love your top so much. Would you mind telling me where you got it?" she asked with a nose scrunch. Blair turned to Dan with a smile.
"It's Stella McCartney and I got it from Bergdorfs," she examined Erica's clothing and realized every piece was high-end.
"It's not maternity is it?" Erica asked.
"No, I'm just not willing to buy maternity clothes yet," she found herself starring at Erica's Birkin bag.
"Well, I guess you're lucky you don't have to yet," she sighed looking down at her eight month belly.
"Well, you said you only have a little bit longer," Blair smiled.
"One month," she smiled. "I know he looks kind of scary but he's really just a teddy bear,"
"I'm sorry?" Blair's eyebrows raised.
"My husband,...I noticed you were," she paused. "...tattoos aren't for everyone, we get it,"
"No no no no," Blair shook her head and rested her hand on Dan's chest. "We have tattoos!" she smiled. "I was just admiring them," she saved herself. Erica thanked Blair again for telling her where she got her top and walked away.
"And you thought they were hippies..." Dan spoke under his breath.
"I thought HE was a hippie,...and really,...what do you think people see when they look at us," she scoffed as her eyes scanned Dan from head to toe.
"Give me strength," Dan looked up at the ceiling.
"That was not so bad now was it?" Dan asked as they got back into the car.
"It was okay. How many more do we need to go to before you're comfortable?"
"Well the classes are every Wednesday..."
"I can't go every week," she said quickly.
"Oh i'm sorry, I forgot you're incredibly busy "not working" and such,"
"I'm not allowed to work!" she reminded him. "Apparently my career piles on stress..."
"I can't see why..." Dan said sarcastically. "Hey,..." his hand slid on her knee. "You would tell me if Serena was bothering you right?"
"She's not," Blair said quickly but moved in the seat to see his face. "Is she bothering you?"
"I didn't say that. I just want you to tell me if she's contacting you. I really don't want you to deal with her yourself,"
"Do you know something I don't know? I haven't heard from her in a couple months..."
"That's good," he continued driving with his eyes on the road. Decidedly he wasn't going to tell her about Serena's frequent trips to his office, or the numerous photos she emailed him of herself in various stages of undress.
XOXOXOXOXOX
Blair had been insatiable the night before so Dan slept like a rock. Blair watched him wondering if she could convince him to go another round at five am but decided to let him sleep knowing he had to work in the morning. Dan woke up alone, he found Blair laying on the love-seat in front of the window, her legs were propped up and the sun highlighted the crown of her hair. Her tank was rising up and he could see her rounded belly rise and fall. "What?" she looked over at him as he stood starring at her.
"Nothing. You just look cute,"
"I don't want to look cute," she groaned before going back to her book.
"Too bad, you're cute," he leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
"Why don't you go ahead and try that again, Humphrey," she tilted her head back further and he leaned in to kiss her on the lips.
"What are you doing up so early?" he asked taking another look at the clock and kneeling down beside the couch.
"Woke up at five actually and couldn't get back to sleep,"
"Why don't you get back into bed and i'll bring you breakfast," he kissed her again then rested his face against hers with a nuzzle.
"I have too much on my mind," she kissed him.
"Such as?"
I think today, would be a good idea to tell Nate because I want him to know at the shower,"
"I thought we weren't doing the shower for a few more weeks..."
"We're not but i'm doing all my planning and i'm making all the guests buttons, I want his to say 'Godfather',"
"Ugh..."
"You're not being very festive daddy," she pulled his button from the envelope at her side.
"I'm not wearing that," he shook his head. Blair pouted. "If people don't know who I am, I don't think they should be invited,"
"It's just for fun. Why do you have to be such a stick in the mud?, Maybe i'll let Nate wear it! that would be fun right?"
"...I'll wear it," he groaned.
Dan made Blair breakfast, she drove him crazy with facts about nutrition during pregnancy and asked him over twenty times if he was sure that her tea was decaf. "We should take Nate out for lunch to tell him. We took Nina out for dinner and we made it all official and special and we should do the same for Nate,"
"Okay okay," Dan sighed.
Blair had spent the rest of her morning planning her shower and contemplating the traditional blue theme or if she should do something unique. The dining-room table had piles and piles of table cloth swatches, pictures of cakes and invitation ideas that Dorota collected from pinterest. "What's a masculine flower?" Blair asked Nina and Dorota partially, seemingly not too concerned. Before Dorota could answer Blair sighed,"Who am I kidding, I'm just going to use peonies," she grabbed for the invitation samples.
"Miss Blair," Dorota showed Blair how they could have cookies with the baby's name on them.
"No, I'm not a hundred percent sure that will be his name...,"
Dorota side-eyed Blair. "You get name on blanket for nothing..."
"You have got to be kidding me..." Nina's jaw dropped.
"I can't foresee how naming him before he's born is a good idea. What if he comes out and looks nothing like a 'Connor'"
"Then you go, Jimmy for Jimmy Stewart," Dorota said. "Instead of Connor for Macaulay Connor,...why not just name baby 'Mike' ?"
"Dorota!" Blair's jaw dropped. "Though the best character Jimmy Stewart ever portrayed did cross mine and Dan's mind, we chose Connor for a completely different reason,"
"What names you have on short list?" Dorota asked.
"Raphael, Sebastian and believe it or not,...Nathaniel,"
"Miss Blair," Dorota nearly rolled her eyes.
"What?, Nathaniel Waldorf-Humphrey sounds very distinguished,"
"Very pretentious," Nina chimed in.
"Well good thing it's not your child..."
"Good thing," Nina sung in agreement with slight mockery.
"I can't believe you just called my child's potential name pretentious,...you do realize your name is Nina Daphne Elizabeth McAllistar..."
"Blair Cornelia Waldorf,..." she threw back.
"I never denied my esteemed name..."
"Connor Waldorf-Humphrey, is cute for a little boy and will adapt well for a man,"
"Just Humphrey,..."
"What?" Nina blinked in disbelief.
"Connor Humphrey,"
"Well that's patriarchal and stupid!"
"It's traditional," Blair stood up for herself confidently.
"I thought Dan liked the hyphen,"
"He did. He doesn't know I dropped the Waldorf,"
"Why would you do that?"
"Because I don't enjoy the hyphen," she said simply. "He will have his father's name and that's that," she stood up. "My back is starting to bother me. Dorota will you fetch me Dan's laptop?"
"Laptop? not notebook?"
"I'm not editing. He has publishing programs that should have good font books..."
"Blair,..." Blair could see Nina was struggling with something. "Don't change his name," she almost pleaded with her friend.
"Nina, he's my baby. I'm sorry to burst your bubble but I can do whatever I want,"
"Dan bought you a Chanel love necklace with 'Connor' engraved in it!" she blurted out.
"He bought me a push present?" Blair's eyes widened with excitement.
"It's gorgeous," Nina closed her eyes ashamed of what she just did.
"Nina!" Blair said in a scolding tone. "Dan would be ever so disappointed in you,"
"You were going to change his name!" she defended herself.
"What name is better than Connor!" she yelled at her friend.
After Nina went back to work, Blair happily rested in her bed and looked through several different fonts trying to figure out the best one for her invitations. She rubbed her stomach slowly and smiled thinking about her necklace and how she would act surprised when he gave it to her.
Several emails chimed in and Blair ignored them until she noticed the little icon said he had 79 emails. She wasn't so sure she had ever seen that before. Dan was really good at responding to people and he never let his inbox fill that much. She clicked it open to see if anything was urgent or spam she could delete for him. When she noticed the last seventy two emails were from Serena she felt her jaw clench. She desperately wanted to ignore them but she couldn't. She clicked on a random one and felt her heart sink.
I had a great time last night. We should really do that again. I miss you so much. -S
She opened the next one.
Instead of waiting for you to respond I just want to ask if you want to meet up at the same time same place next week. Don't take too long responding, I'm so impatient :P - S
Blair didn't think she could handle any more but she opened the next three and found pictures of Serena. Pictures of Serena in lingerie and a few that made her feel physically sick. She didn't even realize she was crying as she continued to sift through the photos and found more and more, with even less clothing. Still she couldn't stop looking at the photos that were meant for Dan's eyes.
"Hey you. How was shower planning?" Dan asked as he walked in.
"Why are you late?" her voice was scornful and accusing.
"...I'm late?" his eyebrows knitted together not realizing.
"You're ten minutes later than usual," she said starring at him with hatred, her arms crossing.
"Sorry?..." he wasn't sure what was going on. "I was going to surprise you but,...I,...," he sighed. "I picked up some macrons after work." he opened his briefcase. "I wanted to give them to you tonight during your usual sweet craving but if you want them now,..." he looked up to see Blair crying. And not just a few tears, real heavy sobbing.
"Okay, now you're scaring me,..." he followed her into the living-room. "Please tell me what's wrong,"
"Today,..." she sniffed. "I,...I,..." she couldn't get the words out.
"are you okay? was your appointment okay?" he held his hand out, his eyes falling to her stomach.
"The baby is fine,...other than he has a disgusting man for a father,..." she spoke quietly.
"Excuse me?" he could only laugh at the absurdity. "What are you talking about?" he asked softly as he grabbed for her hands so she would look him in the eye. "Did I do something wrong in a dream again?" Dan asked with a chuckle as he wrapped his arms around her and tried to rub up her back.
"I wish it was a dream!" she cried and freed herself from his grasp.
"Blair,..Blair,..." he spun her around to face him. "Breathe," his eyes widened. "You're getting worked up over what must be nothing..."
"So all the emails from Serena are nothing?" she starred at him with wide, heartbroken eyes. Dan scrubbed a hand over his face and deflated with a groan.
"I didn't want you to see that,"
"Well no shit!" she cried.
"I've been trying to delete them as they come but it's difficult when she can send a hundred in a day,"
Blair was still crying and Dan walked back over. "You don't believe me?" he said sadly, while he wiped her tears away with his thumb. "You're that quick to believing i'm scum?" he pressed his forehead against hers. "Can you do me a favour?" he pressed a lingering kiss to her cheek. "Can you tell me when I would have time to have an affair with Serena?" he asked stroking her hand gently. She looked up at him and almost immediately felt better.
"Wednesdays after I work, we have dinner together and then we go to lamaze? Or Fridays and Saturdays when we spend all our waking hours with Nate and Nina, or maybe yesterday when we spent all day in bed..." he nudged her again to remind her of what they did all day. "Why would I ever cheat on you?" he asked softly, his hands softly cradling her face. Blair closed her eyes and instantly felt silly. "You have a wild imagination," he pressed a kiss to her lips.
"She's quite convincing," Blair cleared her throat.
"I was confused when I first started getting them as well. I thought she would give up eventually. I'm going to change my email again and we should seriously consider a restraining order if this is going to continue," he suggested. Blair nodded slowly still starring at him.
"Hey,...will it make you feel better if you read my sent messages?" he sensed she was still on edge.
"No, I trust you," she steadied her breathing."I can't believe I let her get to my head," she rested a hand on her forehead.
"That is exactly what she wants. She wants you to think something is going on, she wants to ruin us,"
"Well we won't let that happen," Blair smiled.
"No stress right?" he asked pressing his hand against her side, feeling that bump that was still so strange to him.
"Right," he nodded with an exhale.
"You need to relax. I'm going to run you a bath," he pressed his lips to hers gently, Blair sighed into it lightly.
"Could you run us a bath?" she asked coyly.
"I think maybe I could arrange that,"
They were surrounded by bubbles, Blair's back against Dan's chest. "Maybe we could practice lamaze?"
"Now?"
"Not the breathing part, just the part where you rub my back," she smirked.
"You're turning this into something erotic..."
"No..." she giggled.
"So,... what did you think of Serena's pictures?"
"Blair..." he groaned.
"C'mon. I'm not a fragile butterfly,"
"I opened one," he shrugged. "nothing special, nothing I haven't seen before..."
"Dan,... you know what I mean,"
"Okay, you want to know what I really think?, I think she truly believes her body has magical powers on men... when in reality she succumbs to any man that tells her she's pretty or that he loves her because her dad never said it to her growing up,..."
"Wow," she felt that might be harsh even if she wasn't Serena's biggest fan. "You did love her once," she reminded him.
"I loved the idea of her more than the reality of her,"
"Still must be a little flattering knowing that of all the guys Serena has been with, and trust me, it's a long list, you're the only one she wants,"
"Yeah, being stalked by a psycho is very flattering,..."
"You know,..." she rested the side of her face against his. "I do feel for her," she nuzzled him. "I can't imagine what it would be like to watch you marry and have a baby with someone else. She must be going through hell," she sighed. "I would know, I had a dream about it once, "
"The one where you woke up and told me to get out of our bed? I remember that one quite vividly," he stroked his chin .
"I'm just saying. I know what you once had with her and I don't think you should discount that just because she's different now,"
"She left me. She cheated on me,...and now that she's realized I was the only guy who was ever decent to her, she comes back. It's all because she doesn't value herself,"
"I don't know..." Blair thought for a minute, she linked her hands with Dan's and spread them across her stomach.
"What exactly do you think this conversation is going to achieve?" he asked.
"I just don't want you making statements based on what you think I might want to hear,"
"What is that supposed to mean exactly?" he asked kissing behind her ear.
"I know you loved her. I can handle you talking about her in your good days," she blew on some bubbles and sent some tiny ones floating through the bathroom.
"I did love her," he nodded. "I won't say I didn't because that would be a blatant lie but really what does that matter now? I don't love her now. I'm with a woman that is miles above her in every way," he kissed her neck. "Serena pales in comparison to you," he kissed her again. "And that is not a lie,"
Blair twisted her neck to reach his lips, they kissed a few times then pulled apart. "I love you," he said sweetly.
"I love you too," she pouted her lips out at him again.
"Did you feel that? I swear to god he kicked,"
"Nope," she laughed. "Trust me, I would have felt it,..." Blair chuckled.
XOXOXOXOXOXOX
PRESENT
"Well, this comes as no surprise at all," Dan said as he starred down at his phone. He flipped the screen so Blair could read the message.
Can I please stay the night? Christine said she'd drive me home tomorrow morning - N
"What do you think?" Blair asked.
"You wanna rent a movie?" he shrugged.
"...uh," she didn't want to sound to eager. "Mhmm," she bit her lip.
They watched 'Ghost'; a film they always meant to watch together. They always thought there would be more time and so it sat on the back-burner, the Netflix queue, so they could happily watch their favourites for the hundredth time. Blair took a seat on the love-seat. Sadness washed over her when Dan sat on the other couch. He was so far away. She kept glancing over at him, lounging comfortably, his head on the arm rest, his right hand hanging off so his knuckles brushed the carpet. She studied his hand, blood rushed down his arm and his veins swelled. She noticed his finger tips were losing padding due to the countless hours of typing he'd done his entire life. Her eyes fluttered back up the film when she realized her eyes were tearing up, she sniffed lightly.
"Are you crying already?" Dan turned to her with a cheeky smile. She rolled her eyes gently and Dan sat up. "You want something?" he asked casually. She shook her head no. The only thing she wanted was to hold his hand.
XOXOXOX
A/N: Review Please. Next chapter will start right where this one left off, with them watching 'Ghost'. I'm so thankful that so many people are still with me here. I really hope you enjoy the following chapters. Things will pick up fast in the next chapter. Sorry I haven't updated in awhile, life is busy! -FQ