Author's notes: A bit of a shorter wait, and a bit of a shorter chapter, but I said all I wanted to say. And the chapter is, as expected, full of angsty goodness. I hope you all enjoy, and I promise to write more cheerful things in the future. Right now is just not a cheerful time in this story.
I'd like to thank all of my reviewers: angelrei06, togapika, My Name is Mr Smith (I'm sorry I had to erase your review. I really appreciate your enthusiasm, but the long series of repeated "UPDATE"s in one long word really screwed up my formatting, making it a pain to answer signed-in reviews. It also wouldn't show up in my email. Please, in the future one "update" is fine, and I'd really appreciate more substantial commentary on my work. Thank you.), Ariadne (I hope I haven't disappointed with the emotional payoff in this chapter.), Drachegirl14, I Dare You 413 is Unscarred, Not Applicable (Again, hope I don't disappoint with the emotional payoff. And why you gotta hate on Zack? Just because he was pretty much only defined as a racial stereotype… I'm really trying to get away from that in this story. But I wouldn't go so far as to say he was my least favorite. Not with Rocky there… I really couldn't stand Rocky. As for going back and forth with what Tommy should do… I hope you think he made the right decision.), PinkRangerV, I HAVE NO NAME!!!! (How are they being evil? They're doing what needs to be done to break the spell. At this point I don't think hugs and lectures will do Tommy any good. And remember, they could have put him in worse accommodations. Remember, we never really found out what Jason was using for a bathroom while he was held prisoner.), lunarweather (Well… I guess you can say John participates…), TheGamma, SerasGrace (I like that you caught the whole "color" thing. That's exactly the reason. And it just makes him sound more evil and mocking.), and Ghostwriter.
I have another week of freedom, so I hope to get another chapter out before I have to go to school. We're nearing this end of this particular story.
Things I Learned While Watching Power Rangers:
30. Monsters wait around while the Rangers are calling their Zords and going through the transformation sequence. Monsters are polite like that.
31. Do you think any of the Rangers used teleportation when they were running late for school or anything like that? Or would that be counted using their powers for person gain? Because, honestly, there are days when I would just kill to teleport.
A Darker Shade of Green
Chapter 21: The Decision
"Tommy, I stopped counting how many times I've called."
The eighth time, Dad, Tommy thought. This is the eighth call.
"I don't know why I keep calling." The voice held a bitter laugh that never quite made it. Tommy kept waiting for him to laugh, but he never did. "I know by now what you're doing. I never wanted to believe it of you, though. I should call the police, but that would mean it was true."
Tommy gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut. He had given up trying to block out the sound. He could hear it even when he could block it all out. But he knew it was coming… the worst part.
"I know I'm a burden on you," the voice went on. "I know that I ask a lot of you. You don't have as much as other teenagers. We've just never been able to afford it. We've had to move around too much, and that's not fair to you. I… I know that taking care of me… is unfair… when it's supposed to be me taking care of you."
Tommy buried his head under his pillow. Here it was.
"So don't think I don't understand why you left me. I always understood why your mother left me, after all…"
"Oh, don't give me that look," his mother said harshly. "I came here to visit my son, and that's what I'm doing."
"It's just that I'm surprised you're here, Pen," John said quietly. Her name was Penelope, but she hated the rather feminine name. "After all, it's been six months and only a couple of phone calls so I wouldn't file a missing person's report."
"Six months?" Pen looked surprised. "Wow. Then Tommy must be…"
"Eleven now, yes," John answered. "And you don't know how heartbroken he was when you didn't even call."
Pen snorted in disbelief. "Oh, come on, John. The boy's got to grow up sometime. Somehow I can't picture him lying in his room crying for his mommy."
The voices raised, still clearer past the thin wall against which Tommy was leaning. He'd snuck in the back when he'd seen his mom's car, so no one knew he was there. He'd fully intended just to grab his martial arts gear and leave, but something in their voices made him stay to listen.
"And you know I didn't sign on for this!"
"Sickness and health, Pen!" John sounded more upset than he had in months.
"Well, I shouldn't have to end my career for…"
"I tried, Pen. I really tried. I just can't travel like that anymore. And we were settling down…"
"You were settling down," Pen corrected. "But I don't settle. And you should know that Tommy doesn't either. He despises it here, and you're holding him back. He could be really great if you would just let him go!"
"He chose to stay here!"
"And who convinced him, again?!"
"No one did, unless it was you driving him away!"
The next day, Pen drove up well after school hours. Tommy greeted her politely, and John and Pen looked at each other through forced smiles. Both his parents insisted on him joining her for the tournament circuit for a few months. Tommy agreed to keep his mother from harassing his father.
"I'm calling again. Stupid, I know. I just want this to be some kind of nightmare, or that you'll just happen to be there."
"I saw you today, actually. I don't think you knew I was going to be there. Remember when I said I changed rooms? Well… guess not. You haven't been checking the messages. But at least you're still in town. I just had a notion that you might have tried to find your mom. That would have been alright, because I would have known what you were doing. But now… What did you say to me today? 'You're better off without me?'"
"I hate to disagree with you, Tommy, but I don't think I am. Certainly you're better off without me, but I've never made any bones about how much I need you. I know it's selfish. Your mother always said that I didn't know how to let go. I delayed the divorce with her. And… Please, Tommy. Come back to me…"
BEEP
"Sorry about the message before, Tommy. I know I'm being selfish… I know it. Listen, if you want to go back to your mother… if you can find her… I want you to go."
Tommy climbed cat-like down the brickwork and balconies of the hotel. It was two in the morning. If he started right then and got lucky hitchhiking, he could be with his dad within twenty-four hours.
He ran around the corner to the pool, sat on a deck chair, and began pulling on his shoes. He could hear a rowdy group of teenagers across the pool area around the soda machine. They wouldn't give him any trouble, and if they did they would find more than they could handle.
A hand clapped over his shoulder. He grabbed the hand and shoved his body forward, flipping his assailant over his shoulder. He leapt forward to take care of the attacker… when he heard laughing. His mother…
"Goodness, Tommy," Pen laughed. "I know things have been tense lately, I had no idea…"
"Sorry, Mom," Tommy mumbled, offering a hand to help her up.
Pen knocked the hand away and flipped up with ease. "Nice move. Though, to be fair, since you knew it was a bigger opponent, in a life-threatening situation you should have hit me harder. Always go for the clean knock-out. How many times have I told you that?"
Tommy gritted his teeth. "Yeah, shoulda done that. I'd be clear to the highway by now if I had."
"Oh, so that's why you snuck out," Pen said. "I honestly thought for a second it was for a swim."
"Yeah, mom." Tommy rolled his eyes. "I really took my backpack out, fully dressed, at two in the morning, for a swim. That makes a lot of sense."
"Hey." Pen lifted one finger. "I gave you that sarcasm, and I can take it away, too." She smiled at her nonsensical statement, knowing that it would just rankle Tommy further. "Come on, sit down, son."
Tommy sat on a deck chair next to his mother. He made a point to keep as much space between them as possible. If Pen noticed, she didn't say anything.
"So," she said briskly, "what are your travel plans? Hitchhike to… where?"
"Dad's," Tommy said miserably.
"And you had to resort to sneaking out just to see your father?" Pen said. "Tommy, you know I'll take you home whenever you want. You just have to say the word."
Tommy turned one disbelieving glance at Pen. "I've been saying the word. I keep asking, but you just keep taking me to 'one more tournament.' There's been five 'one more tournaments.' When are you going to take me home already?"
"After tomorrow's tournament."
Tommy laughed. "I don't believe this."
There was silence. Tommy took a sidelong look at his mother. She looked like she always did. Young. Carefree. Eyes always blazing for a fight. It was the look his father had always said he'd fallen in love with, the same look he said Tommy had. Perhaps he had.
But he wasn't like his mother. And he was tired of pretending.
"Look, Mom, I…"
"You're right, Tommy," Pen interrupted, her voice light but guarded. "I am keeping you intentionally. But… there's a good reason for it."
Pen paused, and Tommy felt himself holding his breath. His mother wasn't much for emotional outbursts, or expressions of affection of any kind. However, she was still his mother. A mother. Maybe all this time she was just lonely and wanted him around…
"I don't want you to waste your life and your talent," Pen said matter-of-factly. "Your father can hire people to take care of him, and you can see him plenty. But if you stayed there, your talent would waste away from a lack of experience and inadequate training. I just can't let that happen."
Pen smiled at Tommy. Tommy felt himself freeze inside.
"You're right, mom," he said. "I guess I just miss Dad."
Pen smiled still more broadly. "We'll go see him after this tournament. Come on, Tommy. Let's get back to the room."
Tommy followed her. After listening to her snore for an hour, Tommy crept out of the window again, made it to the highway, and began hitchhiking.
Tommy mouthed the words to the messages. One by one, over and over, the words of his father beat into his brain. Even when he slipped into a troubled sleep he heard them.
Brooke draped herself over Tommy's shoulders. "Watcha thinkin' about?" she asked in a cutesy voice.
They were lying in a bed in her parents' basement. Her parents were on vacation in Bali. Tommy's father didn't know that.
"Do I have to be thinking about something?" The words came out harsher than Tommy meant.
Brooke didn't seem to mind. "Come on, I just rocked your world. The big consummation of our relationship. And you're really not thinking about anything?"
Tommy shrugged.
A second later he hit the floor hard. Brooke had pushed him out of the bed.
"What was that for?" he demanded angrily.
"Do I have to have a reason?" Brooke remarked.
She was pulling on her tank top, and Tommy didn't know when she'd looked more beautiful. Tommy grabbed her and pulled her to him. She kissed him, moaning into his mouth. They were there for a few seconds, and then she shoved him away from her.
"No, you always do that," Brooke spat at him. "You never want to talk about anything. It's all just making out to you. God, I'm just a pair of tits and a mouth to you!"
"That's not all you are."
Brooke stared puzzled at him, and then she caught where he was looking. She screamed in fury and grabbed a wooden bedknob from the bed. She raised it to throw at him.
Tommy held out his hands. "Okay, Brooke. Put it down, before you do something you regret."
She chucked it at him with all her might, and he dodged. It missed him by inches.
"You know what?!" she screamed. "I don't regret a thing except having sex with you! Or meeting you at all! You just use me to get back at your mom or your dad or whoever…"
Tommy opened his mouth to retort, and then closed it. She was echoing words he'd heard from his father time and time again.
The next day at school, they nodded to each other in the hallway. A week later he and his father moved to Angel Grove. Tommy sent Brooke a letter of apology; it was returned unopened.
Tommy sat up in bed, shivering. He was cold, and sweat covered his body. He wasn't sure what was real and what wasn't anymore. He kept falling asleep and dreaming about the past, but he knew none of those dreams were true. It was like he was pulling bits of memory and mashing them all together. He and Brooke never had that fight. His mother never caught him by the pool. Wait… she had, but it hadn't been that night…
The words kept going from the cassette player, but Tommy didn't have to listen to them anymore. He knew them by heart. Every now and then a particular phrase would pierce the air, making Tommy stop.
He pulled himself up. His foot was asleep, and he lurched sideways. The barrier sparked, but it didn't hurt. Tommy felt like his whole body was numb.
He stumbled toward the sink. The water was cold, and he splashed it against his face. The water seemed to awaken his skin, clearing away the cobwebs. He wiped his face with a towel and looked up, into the mirror.
The room behind him was dark. His pale face looked like it was floating in an abyss. There were dark circles under his eyes, and his face was deadly white. It hardly looked real.
Slowly, his features changed. They darkened, grew smaller. The face in the mirror was like him, but not him. It was like a part of himself.
"My son," the face said. "Come home to me."
A hand reached out of the mirror and pulled him inside.
The day was all green and blue and yellow; it was warm and bright. Tommy laid his head back and felt the sun's head on his face. He could hear people in the distance. They were laughing, enjoying themselves. Tommy had no desire to join them. He was content right there.
"Where are we?" he asked his silent companion.
A dry chuckle. Empress Rita was sitting next to him on the park bench. They faced a sparkling lake, the sun glinting off the water.
"I wouldn't know," Rita said comfortably. "I have only been the Angel Grove on Earth, and only a few times. This resembles the park I usually attack, but it's not."
"No…" Tommy frowned. "This place is important, but I don't remember why."
Rita remained silent. Tommy decided not to worry about it. It was a pleasant day, and he had the sense he had little time left. He didn't want to ruin it.
"They're trying to separate us," Tommy said abruptly, not sure if he meant to say it at all. "That's why I'm being held prisoner. They want to break the spell."
"And what do you want?"
The people in the background grew louder, closer. Tommy felt a yearning toward them.
Tommy smiled at Rita. "You're asking me?"
Rita didn't look at Tommy. She looked content to stare into the lake, a faraway look on her face. Tommy noticed for the first time that her hair was dark brown rather than gray. Instead of her usual voluminous dress, she wore a flowing white robe. And she was smiling, not as usual, but in simple satisfaction. Her brow was unlined, as if she'd never had a headache in her life.
"I know it's suspicious," she answered, "considering what I've put you through, but I really want to know what you want. It… has become important to me."
"You look different," he commented, not ready to answer her question.
She smiled, finally looking at him. "Do I?"
Suddenly, Tommy remembered the place. It was a park. Before the separation, Tommy and his parents had picnicked there every Saturday. He knew if he looked behind him he would see the three of them on the grass. He kept his eyes forward, not ready to see that.
"So…," he began slowly, "is any of this real? Am I just dreaming?" He looked at Rita. "Are you real?"
Rita was shaking with silent laughter. "You humans… always so literal. Can't you just accept that this is happening on some level… a level that is real to you, even if it isn't real to anyone else?"
"But what about in reality?" Tommy said. "What about you? If I… leave…" The words seemed to stick in his throat, but he kept on. "If I leave you, would the 'real' you keep after me? Or would the real you be like… you?" His head spun, but Rita seemed to understand.
"Tommy, you've got to understand something," she said. "I want to keep you, no matter what version of me you're dealing with. We are bonded by a strong spell that has changed me as much as it has changed you. You must have noticed how I've changed over the past few days. So… I'm not going to let you go. If you want to escape me, you're going to have to do it yourself."
Tommy gripped the seat of the park bench. He wanted now more than ever to look behind him.
He felt a presence on his other side. He didn't have to look to know it was his father. Not the father sunk into a hospital bed, growing frailer and frailer by the month, but a father like when Tommy was young: healthy and strong.
"Good of you to join us," Rita said in greeting. "I was wondering if you'd ever show up."
John shrugged. "It was all up to Tommy here, as you know. He's reaching a crisis now."
The memory slammed into him: a conversation at the park, his parents arguing over his future. His mother on his left, his father on his right. It was the same scene.
Rita chuckled to herself. "That's the problem with mental magic. The associations are out of control. How was I supposed to know Tommy would associate me with his mother? The association was so strong, he made me into what he thought a mother should be."
The laughter died. "But…" she continued, her voice broken, "he doesn't belong with me. I always knew that. He couldn't know it, but I knew it for him."
Rita sounded like she was talking to herself, her voice getting fainter by the minute. John, on the other hand, addressed Tommy directly. "Son, I never meant for you to have to choose between parents. I know this is what's making this choice so difficult. But… choosing between us does not mean you have to be alone."
A sharp pain seemed to be piercing through Tommy's chest. "But, Dad. If I leave Rita, who'd want me? After what I've done…" The pain grew sharper.
"Hold on for just a minute longer, Tommy." John's voice sounded urgent. "You've made the decision, I know it. It's going to hurt, and all this is going to go away."
Tommy stared away from his father, at Rita. She seemed like a chalk drawing in the rain, blurring and washing into nothing.
"But before you have to face all that," John said, "I want you to look behind you."
Tommy turned to look at the happy people he'd heard ever since he came to the park, now closer than ever. It wasn't the picnic of years ago, with the family before it had been broken. It was his… friends? Jason, Billy, Zack, Trini… Kimberly. They were laughing and talking, looking exactly as they had the first day Tommy had seen them. Periodically, they looked over at him and motioned him over, calling out to him.
"You've got to trust them," said John. "By now, they can help you more than I can. It's a hard path before you now, I'm not going to lie to you."
Tommy closed his eyes and smiled. "Since when have I had an easy life?"
He stood up and turned around.
"NNOOOO!!" The scream ripped through the moon palace. Rita thrashed wildly on her bed, nearly falling off in her violent struggles.
"Hold her down!" Finster commanded, panic making him more forceful than he ever was.
Goldar and Scorpina obeyed him without question, Goldar grabbing her arms and Scorpina her feet. All eyes were wide with terror as Rita screamed in her sleep.
"DON'T LEAVE ME!! COME BACK!! I DIDN'T MEAN IT!!!!"
Rita gave a violent shudder and then collapsed into stillness and silence.
Rather than look relieved at the seeming peace, Finster looked beside himself with fear. "I don't have the equipment here. I need to take her to my lab."
"I'm on it," Goldar said grimly, scooping her up and carrying her as carefully as he could. Finster followed as quickly as he could, setting Scorpina to gathering all the medicines he'd left in the bedroom.
"Set her on the table… good," Finster said as soon as he arrived in the lab. He pulled down diagnostic equipment. "Goldar, please attach those restraints to Queen Rita."
Goldar looked up sharply. "Are you telling me to imprison Empress Rita?"
"For her own safety," Finster said impatiently. "Just in case she starts convulsing again."
"Oh," Goldar said, and followed the order.
When that was done, Goldar left the room, knowing he was in the way in that crowded lab. He hovered outside the door, only letting Scorpina in. She joined him, and they stayed that way for half an hour.
Finally, Finster left the room, his expression unreadable, even to the people used to him. He seemed to be trying to figure out how to say something.
"Spit it out," Goldar growled, covering his fear with anger. "Is she…"
"She's alive," Finster announced, glad to have a way to begin. "She's in a deep recovery sleep, though. I'm not sure when she'll wake up."
"Have a guess?" Scorpina said.
Finster looked over at her rather crossly. "She'll wake up when she's recovered. That's for her body to decide, not me. She'll probably sleep all day at least. She's been through a lot in the past day. And now that it's happened…" He paused, but plowed on. "You should probably know that the spell's broken. Tommy is no longer under her control. The link has been severed completely."
"How do you know?" Goldar asked sharply.
Finster sighed. He always hated having to explain his processes. "Ever since the spell began, I've been monitoring both Queen Rita and Tommy quite closely. The spell, though magical, was easily detectable by a simple brain scan. It's not there anymore. So I would assume it's not there in Tommy's brain, either. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must get back to my patient. I'd like to run some more tests."
Goldar uttered a curse and stomped down the hallway into the throne room, Scorpina following him closely.
"It's those Power Rangers," Goldar growled. "They must have figured out a way to break the spell."
"But usually," Scorpina said reasonably, "it's one of the affected people…"
"We know it wasn't Empress Rita!" Goldar paced the room, his rage flaring. "And you can't tell me it was Tommy. He was too far gone into the spell to do anything like this. No, it was those Rangers and them keeping the two of them apart. So it's just a matter of recovering Tommy."
Scorpina closed her mouth. When Goldar was like this, he was impossible to argue with. "So what do you propose we do?"
Goldar was already at the telescope, twisting knobs that Scorpina could never hope to figure out. "I'm setting this thing to alert us the first minute Tommy's on Earth. They can't keep him locked up in the Command Center forever. And as soon as they let him go, we'll have him." Goldar grinned at the idea of wreaking revenge on the Power Rangers. "Those stupid teens will never know what hit them."
Tommy woke up. His throat was dry, but he couldn't move his arm to reach for a water glass.
"He's waking up," a voice called near his ear. A swish of silky hair brushed over his face. He tried to open his eyes, but they didn't seem to want to open.
"Finally," another voice said, more distant. "It's been half an hour."
"Water…" he croaked after several tries. A minute later, a gentle hand was holding his head up, and he felt blessedly cold water tipped down his throat.
His eyes opened, and Trini's features filled his vision.
His body froze against her touch. A voice seemed to scream in his head as he looked at the white lines against her throat, remnants of the cuts he himself had made.
She seemed to see the look in his eyes and let him go, backing away slowly. There were others in the room, other Rangers. All of them.
Before his eyes, flashes of memory played as clearly as his father's voice. Zack, as Tommy greeted him and Scorpina at the Youth Center. Trini glaring up at him, backhanding him across the face in fierce protection of a friend. Jason's eyes as he was betrayed trying to protect Tommy. Kimberly, tears standing in her eyes as she was publicly humiliated. And Billy… hanging from a chin-up bar…
The scream threatened to erupt from Tommy's own throat. He closed his eyes, grinding his hands into them, but the images wouldn't go away. They were burned into his mind, a mind that was thinking clearly for the first time in weeks.
He expected harsh words. He welcomed them. He wanted them to hurt him as much as he had hurt them. And he knew it wouldn't be enough.
After what he had done, how could he say he was sorry? What exactly would atone?
But he didn't get harsh words. The barrier was down, and he realized none of the Rangers were armed or morphed.
Jason's low voice broke the silence. "Is the spell broken, Tommy?"
Tommy swallowed hard. He felt like he would never be able to talk again, but he knew he had to. "Yes," he choked out, his voice faint and exhausted. "It's broken." He forced himself to look at the Rangers, knowing he would see the same things again and knowing he had to. "W… wha… what are you going to do to me?"
Jason didn't know when he'd seen anything so horrible as when he looked in Tommy's eyes. The pain… the palpable guilt in those eyes convinced him the spell was gone far more than any words from Tommy.
He looked around at the other Rangers. Their looks mirrored how he felt: pity and horror. He'd considered how Tommy would feel once the spell was broken, but the reality was far worse. He'd expected something dramatic… weeping or raving or self-mutilation. He'd expected to prevent suicide attempts.
But it was nothing like that. Nothing dramatic. No big displays. It was like Tommy was frozen in his own guilt and grief. It was silent pain and palpable fear. And that was worse than what Jason had imagined. And those words… 'what are you going to do to me?' haunted Jason. They had come out as a fearful whimper. Jason realized that breaking the spell was the easy part… for all of them.
Everyone seemed to be waiting on Jason to answer the question. He cleared his throat. "If you're ready, Tommy, Zordon wants to see you."
Tommy slowly pushed himself off the bed, and Jason had to force himself to keep from backing up. He wondered if he would ever forget how dangerous Tommy was to them. But he knew he had to show Tommy faith. It was the one thing Zordon had emphasized. If Tommy sensed they were afraid of him or thought he was still evil, Tommy were be apt to go back to his old ways. They just couldn't risk that.
Now that he was on his feet, however unsteadily, Tommy looked like he'd spent the night in a gutter. His hair stuck out wildly in all directions, matted into a tangled mass. He hadn't bathed in almost forty-eight hours, and he smelled it. He was still pale, and even though he'd been unconscious for half the night he looked like he hadn't slept in days. But that didn't seem to matter to Tommy. He nodded. "I'm ready."
Jason winced. It sounded like an announcement for readiness for the firing squad.
Tommy walked hesitantly out of the room. The partition was down, and he could see Zordon floating at the center of the room. Jason and Zack walked on either side of him. Jason didn't want to seem like they were guarding him, but he knew no one was fooled, Tommy included. There was showing faith, and then there was being stupid.
"Tommy!" Zordon called as they approached. "I'm glad to see you on your feet at last."
Tommy didn't say anything. He stood in the center of the room, surrounded by the Rangers. Again, the look of pain shot over Tommy's whole countenance. Jason wondered what he was seeing, what he was thinking about. How he remembered what he had done.
Finally, when the silence became unbearable, Tommy spoke up. "I… I remember what I did. Everything."
The electric statement charged the air, and all eyes were glued to him. He looked like he was fortifying himself for something, and Jason tensed, ready to react if needed. He'd be damned if he did all that work to save Tommy just to have him kill himself.
"I can't describe it," Tommy continued, half to Zordon and the others and half to himself. "It was like I was another person, but it was me the whole time. It's not like a dream. It's vivid. I did those things."
"That was how Rita engineered the spell," said Zordon. "She didn't want some puppet. She wanted you. Unfortunately, that means you have full knowledge of the events that took place."
Tommy nodded, as if that was what he expected to hear. "I know I have no right to ask anything of you. Not after what I did to all of you, and after what you did for me. But…" his voice choked, and his strength seemed to ebb. "I don't know what to do now."
Zordon always had an infuriating way of seeming to know everything you will say before you say it. This time was no different. "What you do now, Tommy, largely depends on yourself. You're no longer a slave to the spell. Your path is difficult from now on, as are all paths where one has to bear the consequences of things not of one's choice. But at least this path is your own, and no one else's. No one can choose your path for you anymore. So… what do you want to do?"
Tommy looked up sharply, surprised at something. "I… I want to make up for what I did. I know I can't. I know that. I've done too… But I want to try. I just don't know how."
Zordon smiled. "Let's look at more immediate goals. What do you want to do first?"
The words were out of Tommy's mouth immediately. "I need to see my father. I… I know it's dangerous right now for me to go to Earth. I know Rita's probably hunting for me. But I need to see my father." His mouth quirked up, almost in spite of himself. "And maybe not look and smell like a crazy hobo first."
There was silence, and then a laugh. It was Zack, and he looked like he was trying to control himself.
Jason smiled. The others started laughing at Zack failing to quit laughing. Tommy almost looked like he was about to join in… but a shadow passed over his face. He froze, lost in whatever memories had taken him now.
"Come on," Jason said, clapping Tommy on the shoulder. "I'll show you where you can clean up. Then we can plan from there."
Tommy almost flinched away from the touch, his eyes widened with surprise. Still, he followed Jason readily enough.
Jason showed him the shower room and waited, trying to convince himself he wasn't guarding the entrance. The shower was short, and Tommy walked out looking as if he were going through the motions mechanically. Perhaps it was more comfortable right then to shut down his brain.
However, in the middle of pulling on his shoes, Tommy stopped, frozen again, a million miles away.
"I gotta tell ya," Jason commented. "I really thought you were going to…" He stopped, the comment sounding worse than when he'd said it in his head.
"Kill myself?" Tommy supplied. He put his shoe on all the way and sat on the bench. It still seemed every word brought more pain, as if he didn't deserve to talk to Jason. "It crossed my mind, I won't lie to you, but not seriously."
Jason stared at him, not sure of what to say.
"Death seems an easy way out," Tommy continued. "It's probably not, but it seems that way. I… don't deserve an easy way out." He looked up at Jason. "I owe too many people too much. What right have I to escape?"
Jason held his gaze until it became too painful. He forced a smile. "Okay, let's get you over to your father's."
Tommy got up and started to leave the room. He stopped when Jason grabbed his shoulder.
"Tommy… I know this is going to be hard. But I'm going to help you through it: me and the others. You're not going to be alone."
A tear spilled down Tommy's face. He didn't say anything. Jason understood.