A/N: Dancinglemur contributed to portions of this chapter.

21. Defeat

In Starscream's quarters, the four of us celebrated the victory at Vos with high-grade.

"They were completely unprepared," Starscream said, swirling the energon in his cube. "Our Autobot spy obviously isn't a flier." He snickered. "Not that I doubted it. Groundpounders can't be trusted."

"Some would say the same of fliers," Thundercracker pointed out. Though he'd already had a considerable amount of high-grade, he didn't show the slightest sign of inebriation.

"What? Screamer's the most trustworthy person I know!" giggled Skywarp; he was much less successful at holding his energon.

"Don't call me that!"

Skywarp snuggled shamelessly up to him, nuzzling beneath his jaw. "Aww, Screamer, don't be mad!"

"Starscream," Thundercracker said softly, deflating his wingleader, who had looked ready to pummel Skywarp. That was all it took, without any more words, without any sharpness in his tone. We shared a smile.

"How much of the command team has Soundwave scanned?" Starscream asked, letting Skywarp off with a warning.

He was difficult to take seriously while his wingmate hung on him like that. "Almost all. Trannis should arrive within a few orns; he's the last."

"Bet you'll like that," tittered Skywarp. "Since your cutie's with him."

"'Warp," Thundercracker reprimanded as my faceplates heated up.

"What? It's no secret!"

"We're quieter than you three," I countered, prompting a hoot from the black-and-purple Seeker. Before he could respond, Thundercracker stepped in to change the subject.

"Praxus next? I thought you didn't want to go on the offensive any more than you had to."

"Well, why shouldn't he?" Starscream demanded. "It's our right. They took everything from us. Why should we leave anything to them?"

Thundercracker said nothing, but his optics were dim and thoughtful as he sipped his energon. "You are the commander, Nova. We trust you."

"What?" I snarled into Shockwave's face. "First I was kept from Vos on the pretense of monitoring Soundwave as he did something he was perfectly capable of doing on his own, and now you want me to stay here while everyone else goes to Praxus? What's your story this time? Is there a leaky energon dispenser I need to investigate? Did a light short out? Is there a crack in the wall for me to oversee personally?"

"There will be competent generals directing the battle," Shockwave said. "Starscream has seen to that."

"I won't stay behind, nice and cozy and safe, while troops under my command go into battle!" I burst out. "I'm sending mechs to die and you tell me to stay here? At least have the backstrut to tell me why!"

A pause. Then Starscream looked at Shockwave. "He's right."

"We agreed—"

"Slag what we agreed." He turned to me. "The Senate has ordered your capture or termination at all costs."

"Is that all?" I laughed. " I was already working under that assumption. I can take care of myself."

"No, you can't." The bland statement made me hiss furiously, but Starscream was unimpressed. "You're a good fighter, everyone knows that. But you have no trine to watch your back. Not every Autobot is Prime's friend. They won't all be reluctant to kill you."

"I—"

"You have become the Decepticon cause, Nova. If you fall, so do we. You are more than our leader. You are a symbol. It is imperative that you remain free and functional." He held up a hand to forestall anything that I might have said. "Without you we would fall apart into endless power struggles." He paused, optics dimming. "That's why we lost before. You will join us in battle soon, but as long as you're trineless, you are unprotected."

I understood Starscream's logic, but I hated it.

"Are you certain you wish to send in the army now, Commander?" Shockwave asked. "After all, there is a spy among us. It may be wiser to gather more intelligence first."

"That would allow the Autobots more time to prepare," I answered. I had confidence in our victory—we had not lost yet. "Very well, Starscream, you win. I'll stay here."

As the troops advanced towards Praxus, I conferred with Soundwave regarding his investigation of my command team. He'd conducted a thorough examination of each mind in turn, beginning with me and ending with Trannis, who had come from Trypticon and paused in Kaon for three orns to refresh his mechs before moving on to Praxus, where he, Starscream, and Thundercracker would lead the assault.

I barely left the command center, recharging only when Skywarp wrestled me into my quarters and stood guard at the door, refueling only when one of my Decepticons pressed a cube into my hands. Starscream and Thundercracker had gone without Skywarp because in this battle they would act as generals, not as a trine. I suspected another motive: someone had to stay to keep an optic on me. Neither of us was happy about being left behind.

We encountered the first Autobot resistance at the border of Praxus. The opening skirmish resulted in few casualties, since the Autobots retreated swiftly before our larger force.

"Good luck," Skywarp guessed.

"Too good," I muttered. I paced around the command center. "Soundwave, tell them to be watchful," I told the Communications Officer. He nodded and relayed my order.

My predictable path around the room was soon cleared without prompting. Additional skirmishes pushed the megacycles past. The Autobots had set no large force against us.

"Tell them to send up aerial scouts," I said. "Make sure they aren't attacked from behind."

The scouts reported no Autobot activity in the army's wake, yet even so, I had a bad feeling about this.

"Perhaps they were not forewarned of our coming?" Shockwave ventured.

"Impossible," I replied. "This assault has been common knowledge among the ranks for a decacycle. The Autobots must have something planned."

Scarcely had I uttered this when communications went dead. I vaulted to the upper level in a thruster-propelled leap, landing beside Soundwave.

"What happened?"

"Equipment here: functional. Malfunction: Praxus."

White noise and static came from the speakers.

"Fix it! We have to know what's going on out there."

"Attempting to execute."

"This was no coincidence. We're being blocked?"

"Affirmative. Outside force: unknown. Hypothesis: Autobots."

"You think? Hurry, Soundwave."

"Laserbeak: en route."

I turned to see Skywarp pacing back and forth. An awful sense of foreboding hung over me.

Then, quite suddenly, Skywarp screamed.

It was deafeningly loud. He collapsed to his knees with an electronic keen, wings trembling. I motioned the others back and crouched beside him.

"What's wrong?" I demanded. Skywarp shook his head violently.

"I don't know… it's like—like my Spark is being torn in half…" His optics flared in horrified realization. I realized it an instant later. Something had happened to one of his wingmates. Something terrible. But who—Thundercracker or Starscream?

A voice broke weakly through the static. "—nder… Commande-! –Sharpshooter here—in trouble—tobots came up fr—nderground, took us by—driven back—ambush…!"

"Soundwave, strengthen that signal. Sharpshooter, report."

"—ame up from the tunnels prac—lly right under our pedes… swarmed right over us… separated from each other. Can't f—d Trannis's group—nomech knows what to do, comm is out—Thundercr—r down, Stormfront down, Cloudch—er down—"

"Fall back," I commanded. "Get them to fall back, any way that you can, just get out of there and return to Decepticon territory."

"Affirmative. S—ooter out."

I stared at the blank screens. My memory banks helpfully supplied the faces of the mechs I'd sent to Praxus. I knew many personally. How many would I see alive again?

"TC!"

Skywarp's loud, anguished sob wrenched at my Spark; I knelt beside him, so close that mere astroinches separated us. Skywarp reached up to tip my head forward as he bowed his own, touching our helms together in an ancient Seeker symbol for deepest grief. My Spark twisted in its casing; he had lost a wingmate, a bondmate, and I was the one responsible.

I couldn't endure it any more. "Send out fliers to cover their retreat," I ordered, then left before I lost control.

My altmode sliced through the sky over Kaon as I chased random patterns, pushing myself to top speed. I remembered the trail Thundercracker had led me along over Iacon, the loops and rolls and free-falls. But now there was no other Seeker darting sky-and-quicksilver ahead of me, no hands stroking my wings and comforting me until I slipped into recharge, no steadying voice breaking into Skywarp's and Starscream's bickering.

Thundercracker was gone.

Far above the city, I transformed and screamed until my voice broke into static.

When I had regained my composure, I flew back to headquarters, coming in through one of the less popular sky entrances to avoid everyone. I didn't have the struts to deal with their disappointment right now.

I entered my quarters, but I didn't feel much like recharging, nor like drinking a cube.

Defeat. It was the first time my Decepticons hadn't been victorious in battle, and I felt the full weight of it. I should have been cautious, should have listened to Thundercracker, to Shockwave, to my own niggling doubts, but I'd been overconfident. I'd forgotten sense and sent those mechs to Praxus. Already the loss bit deep. What of the other mechs who'd gone? What of Trannis? What if Starscream didn't make it back?

My energon turned to ice. Ramrod. He was in Trannis's unit… what had been his fate?

Restless and worried, I left my quarters and went to the command center. The reports continued to be bleak; few groups had made it out of range of the Autobots' jammers.

"I'm going to look for them," I told Skywarp.

"Stay here," he answered hoarsely. "Starscream's all right, I'd know if he wasn't."

"Everyone else is on patrol. The Autobots will never know the difference between me and the next Seeker. I have to find Trannis."

"Starscream would want you to take someone along."

"Whatever you say," I replied. He managed the shadow of a smile.

"Lugnut," he called, crooking a finger. "Go with him."

I shot a disbelieving look at the hulking green mech who approached.

"It is an honor to protect you, Lord Nova," Lugnut answered worshipfully; his vocalizer had received its final repair a decacycle before. I'd preferred his silence.

"Commander," I muttered automatically.

Frustrated at being saddled with the slow bomber, I intentionally pushed my engines faster, trying to leave him behind. Tarn flowed past beneath us, vast stretches of war-shattered metal. The canyons of Vos spread far in the distance. Thundercracker would be laid to rest there when his body was brought back.

We neared the border of Tarn and Praxus. Lugnut was far behind me, barely within range of my sensors. I transformed to bipedal mode, scanning the ground far below for any sign of the missing Decepticons as I dipped lower.

The attack came from an area scarred and pitted by heavy fire. The sky was suddenly bright with laser fire and I pulled up sharply, firing back in confusion. I couldn't see where it was coming from. I was outnumbered and outgunned; I couldn't last long against an unknown number of mechs.

Lugnut joined the fray late, thanks to my impatience. I sent out a distress call to any Decepticons in the vicinity as explosions blossomed below, courtesy of Lugnut's missiles. After a moment's pause, the Autobots fired back in a renewed flurry. I heard Lugnut grunt as he took damage, but I soon had more pressing matters to worry about as something slammed into my leg. It wasn't an energy blast, rather something solid which melted through my armor and shattered the primary support strut in my calf. Shock made my thrusters stutter to a halt and I had a klik to stare before the pain hit and I began to fall.

Large hands caught me before I struck the ground, cushioning the blow as we struck Cybertron with a jarring crash. I cried out in pain as my useless leg twisted under me at an awkward angle. Lugnut moved surprisingly quickly, leaping away from the crash site with me held close to his broad frame and finding a cave in which to shelter. Carefully, he put me down near the wall, helping me to sit against it. I hissed through my denta as the slight movement sent a bright flare of pain up my leg and thruster.

"Are you all right, my lord?"

"Commander. Do I look all right?" I snarled back, angrier at myself than at my well-meaning protector. Lugnut's single optic flickered.

"Your left leg is useless from the knee down, your thrusters have been warped out of shape from overheating, and your wings—"

"I know!" I spat, careful not to be too loud in case the Autobots were nearby. "You think I don't know that I should have been more careful, more aware of my surroundings?" I'd held my glossa for long enough, and now it was all spilling out. "You think I don't realize that I'm screwing things up at every turn? That I don't notice how you all look at me? Expecting me to be just like him, but then disappointed that I'm nowhere near as good a leader as he was? Well, here's news: I'm not Megatron and I'll never measure up to him, but I'm tired of you all expecting me to be him—I'm my own person and I have my own way of doing things! I'm not a clone, not a droid, and—"

Lugnut's heavy, pincered hand pressed against my face, shutting me up. Thwarted mid-rant, I glared at him as he crouched over me.

"I apologize if my interruption was too bold, my L—Commander," Lugnut said, "but you doubt yourself too much. You unnerve the soldiers because you look like the glorious Lord Megatron. Lord Megatron was the only leader that any of us ever accepted."

"Starscream led the Decepticons between Megatron's reign and mine. You all accepted him as leader."

"We never accepted him."

"He's done a fragging lot better than I have."

"We do not trust him. He undermined our magnificent leader, trying to terminate him and take his place. He worked too hard for too long to get to the top, so we suspect him for giving it so easily to you. He may still be plotting your overthrow or to manipulate you to achieve his own needs." He puffed up in pride. "I will lay down my Spark to protect you, both from the unworthy, mud-grubbing Autobots and from traitors within our midst as well."

"You say that as if I am a leader worth keeping in command."

"I will show you." He held out a hand. "A databurst may attract the Autobots. I will transfer the data manually."

I extended my arm, clicking open the dataports in my wrist. He plugged himself in and began the data transfer.

The memory-sharing was as intense as it had been when Starscream had shown me Megatron's termination. I was there, watching through Lugnut's optic as a mech I'd only seen in memories, a mech who looked eerily like me, roared in defiance as he led Decepticons into battle.

Megatron.

Lugnut had been devoted to Megatron. I could see now that what looked like fanatical obsession from the outside was actually a Spark-deep belief that Megatron was right. Lugnut had, for all intents and purposes, loved Megatron.

The images shifted, touching briefly on Starscream, tinted with distaste and distrust, watching as he tried to dethrone the mighty Megatron. They skipped briefly over the tragedy of Megatron's deactivation, passed swiftly through vorns of slavery, and finally settled on a young Seeker.

Nova, who looked so much like Lugnut's beloved Megatron; Nova, who, for all his Autobot upbringing, had found the truth in the Decepticon way, who had cast off that hideous red symbol for Decepticon purple and claimed his rightful place at the head of their army, to lead them from the oppression of slavery, to remind Cybertron that they were Decepticons and they would not be forgotten.

He disconnected, leaving me quietly stunned. In the wake of the disastrous defeat earlier, I'd been so convinced that they would all direct their anger at me that I hadn't even considered the possibility that they might forgive me.

Sounds from outside our little haven made both of us look up. The Autobots were looking for us.

Lugnut began to stand.

"What are you doing?"

"I will destroy them before you are discovered," he said. "Remain here."

As if I had much of a choice with my leg in its present state. I stayed where I was as he left our little cave. After a moment I heard voices.

"You! Decepticon! Stop right there. Where's that Seeker who went down with you?"

"Terminated," Lugnut rumbled.

I heard a sound. The sound. The sound of Lugnut's "Punch of Kill Everything," lovingly named by the ground troops, charging up. I shielded my head with my arms and shuttered my optics against the flash to come.

The explosion rattled my audios; debris clattered against my armor and the ground. Smoke drifted past. A few kliks later, Lugnut reappeared in the entrance to our cave.

"Autobots neutralized," he reported, bending his considerable bulk to support me as I struggled upright. "Can you fly?"

I tried to put my weight on my leg and hissed in pain. "Doesn't feel like it."

"I would be honored to carry you."

"I don't need to be carried," I said hastily. Carried! Like a sparkling! "Just help me."

We got out of the cave, out into the open. I saw the impact crater of Lugnut's explosive punch; there was no sign of the Autobots. As Lugnut prepared to take off, something pinged my sensors.

"I'm picking up a Decepticon energy signature," I told him. "They must be responding to our signal."

The forerunner of the approaching Decepticons was a welcome sight—one of Trannis's mechs. He stumbled up to us, expressing his delight through hand gestures and internal comm. His vocalizer spat sparks as he tried to speak.

"Where's the rest of your unit, soldier?" I asked. He motioned to the jagged canyons behind him.

/The ground troops are on their way, sir,/ he commed. /We got your distress call. Though we could use some help ourselves. The air forces circled southeast towards Kaon./

"And Trannis?"

"Here, Commander." I turned to see the remainder of Trannis's army staggering into the open. All looked the worse for wear. Trannis himself was in the lead, chin held high despite an obvious patch job on his chest. At his side walked Ramrod, dented, smudged, one arm crushed and mangled. "Reporting back from Praxus, sir."

"What happened?" I asked, trying to take a step and grabbing onto Lugnut for support.

"My field medic can patch you until Kaon," Trannis said, motioning an energon-stained mech forward. I found a place to sit and let the medic go to work as Trannis recounted what had happened.

"We'd just gotten into the city's central sector when they ambushed us. The Autobots came out of the tunnels under the city, cut off our retreat while the rest of them attacked from the front and sides… used our own strategy from Kaon against us. They were ready for our aerial forces as well, with some sort of new weapon. They jammed our communications so we couldn't regroup. The fliers were decimated. It was a massacre. This is all that remains of my army, as far as I know."

"They knew you were coming," I said. "They were ready. I should have waited for more information."

"What's done is done," Trannis answered. "We learn from our mistakes."

I flexed my ankle joint when prompted by the medic, and spoke again. "Thundercracker fell?"

"I didn't see it myself, but some of my mechs did. I hope he fell among our own."

I nearly purged my tanks at the thought of Thundercracker's frame with his wings stripped off. "It's good that you escaped relatively functional."

"Thanks to this one," Trannis replied, reaching out to pull Ramrod closer by a hand on his shoulder. "He saved my life. I didn't know I had a commander in my ranks, but I'm glad of him now. I'm not letting him out of my sight from now on."

I smiled at Ramrod, who managed a tired grin back. "I'm glad you brought him back to us," I said. To me. I had already lost one mech I loved today. I couldn't stand to lose anyone else.

I stood, testing my leg. It wasn't fully repaired and I didn't trust my thrusters, but at least the pain receptors had been dampened.

"You can give a full debriefing before the rest of the command staff. For now, let's get back to Kaon for repairs."

Lugnut flew me back to Kaon, but I sent fliers to cover the returning army in case any bold Autobots tried to finish them off. Starscream grumbled all through my repairs (which he would allow no one else to conduct), but I could still detect sorrow and anxiety in his words and actions. Clearly he, too, was worried about Thundercracker's remains.

We weren't left in suspense for long. The orn after the disastrous battle, Crosswind's trine arrived. Between the three of them they carried Thundercracker's frame. After seeing that his wings remained attached and proud, I left Starscream and Skywarp alone with their wingmate and retreated to the command center, where I buried myself in logistics.

After the devastating defeat at Praxus, half of the army was in disrepair, we had lost many of our mechs, we were still short on medics, and our energon supply was dwindling.

I slipped out of Kaon without letting Starscream know. I didn't want anyone with me this time.

I came in fast over Khalkon and skidded to a halt in bipedal mode just outside of Steelcrusher's shop, sending a billow of dust into the air. Apis was at the counter when I entered. She took one look at my face and her expression morphed into worry and concern.

"Go upstairs," she whispered. "I'm off shift in 5.3 breems."

I went up the back stairs and into Apis's room, around her projects scattered across the floor, and to the berth. I lay down, covering my face with my arms as I offlined my optics. I lay silent and unmoving. Cycles counted past on my chronometer as I tried to lose myself in thoughtless oblivion.

A gentle hand on my wing summoned me back. I onlined my optics to find Apis sitting on the edge of her berth.

"I heard about Praxus," she whispered. "It was on the Autobot data network—they're acting like it's the end of the war. Like they've won."

"It's not the end."

"I didn't know whether you were there or not. I was worried about you."

"I wasn't. But Thundercracker, he…" I choked on the words. "We lost many soldiers."

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I know it's hard."

I lay still while she petted my helm.

"There was a slave revolt in Gygax." I onlined my optics at her words, sitting up.

"I hadn't heard that."

"I've heard reports of rebellions in other Autobot city-states, also. The Autobots are getting nervous. The revolt in Gygax happened this past night-cycle. Even after Praxus, they still wanted to be free. That wouldn't have happened half a centivorn ago, Nova. You've started something."

"I owe it to them to finish it," I answered. "I didn't know anyone was paying attention."

"You've gotten everyone's attention. We get more escaped Decepticons than ever through here. You're all they talk about. Even the Neutrals have changed. I hear everyone talking, all the time. They're interested in what's going on. We all wait for news… me most of all. Every time someone mentions your name, I have to hope that the next words won't be… The Senate is afraid of you, Nova."

"I doubt it. I'm not much of a threat."

"I'm serious. They have a reward out for you, you know. It goes up every orn."

"How much is it now?"

"More than the shop earns in an entire vorn. Enough to make anyone dizzy just thinking about it. They really want you captured or terminated, Nova. This war does funny things to mechs. Everyone's changing."

"The world is changing, Apis," I murmured, brushing my knuckles against her cheek. "And I'm right in the middle of things." I felt her tremble and leaned in, caressing the side of her helm as I bumped our foreheads together. I tried to lighten my tone. "It's all right—"

"No, it's not all right! Every time…" A grinding mechanical sob escaped her vocalizer. "Every time you leave, I worry that you might not come back." The last bit was murmured against the palm of my hand.

She raised her optics to mine, and the strength I found there awed me. "Autobots were not meant to lord over Decepticons, and Decepticons weren't meant to lord over Autobots. We are all equal, and we need someone to step up and remind everyone. We need someone to rise up and lead the Decepticons to freedom, to put all of Cybertron back on the proper path."

She threaded her fingers through mine, never breaking my gaze.

"That person is you, Nova. You're the one Cybertron needs." Her other hand curled around my head vent, pulling me closer. "The one I need," she whispered against my lips.

Her conviction sent a deep warmth curling through my Spark. My hands curled around her hips, holding her close, and hers were draped over my shoulders, twined behind my head. We fell in a tangled pile on the floor.

Being with Apis was different than being with Ramrod. With Ramrod it was all heat and hurried, wanting neediness, expressing itself through rough touches and subtle trips to a medic afterwards to bang out the dents. Apis was soft, soothing touches and easy kisses. Different, but no less arousing, and in no time, between the kisses and the touches to my wings and cockpit, I was ready for more.

So was Apis. Dragging my fingers along the points where her front wheel locked onto her back made her moan and melt atop me, and stroking the back of her neck made her purr. I'd been doing both for some time now, and while she was draped over me with her engine purring away, she was also petting more insistently at my cockpit.

Which gave me a sudden, crazy idea.

"Do you…" I trailed off, stroking her chestplates over her Spark. Apis's optics snapped back to full power and she pulled back to stare down at me.

"You want to Sparkmerge?"

"It's all right if you don't want—"

A shy, beautiful smile broke out over her face. "Of course I want to. I didn't think you'd ever ask."

She bent to kiss me again, her chestplates parting. Her Spark flared out through the small crack of her open chamber. In response, my own chestplates started to split.

We both hesitated with our casings cracked only a hair, but as we stared with nervous anticipation at each other's Sparks, the shy chambers opened until our Sparks extended tendrils to reach out and twine around one another. Our bodies followed until only a matter of astroinches separated us and a web of star-bright filaments stretched between us like tiny bridges.

"Ready?" Apis said, her fingers threading through mine and flexing nervously.

I cycled a deep intake and nodded, squeezing her hands and smiling up at her. "Yes."

And we leaned forward and touched our Sparks together.

We arched and cried out, interlaced hands clenching tighter and heads falling back at our first connection. I could feel her—this was just as intense as she remembered. I was nearly overwhelmed by the wonderful, unbearable sensations.

I felt that she'd done this once before, long ago with her best friend when they had been trying to figure out whether their feelings ran deeper than friendship. It hadn't worked out, but she and Shortstop were still best friends, closer to each other than anyone else save perhaps 'Crusher and me.

This was different. There was a connection, a feeling that this was right, that I was safe and loving and everything she'd ever want or need.

In return I gave her all of me, all the pain of the past several orns, but more than despair and grief. There were other feelings to give: my love for Optimus, Starscream, Ramrod, but especially Apis herself.

No one could last very long once a Sparkmerge began, and it wasn't long before the sheer depth of emotion returned tenfold; that was enough to send us crying out into overload.

Later, while we lay entwined, Apis sprawled out over my front and toying with my pectoral vents while I indulged my fascination with her handlebars, Apis brought up the topic of the war again.

"Do you have any trouble getting supplies?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked, still partially in the haze of relaxation. I relinquished her handlebars and dragged my fingers down her back. She shivered and scowled at me.

"'M trying t'be serious, slagger. Stoppit." She kicked her legs, but I just grinned up at her. "'nyways, sup'lies. Like, not energon… stuff fer repairs, buildin' materials… y'know, tha' sor'a stuff."

I couldn't quite bring myself to be completely serious yet. "Have I told you recently how adorable your accent is?" I purred against her neck, but she smacked the side of my head and reminded me that she was trying to hold a serious conversation here, thank you very much. She even made sure to erase the accent (it only came out when she was angry or distracted).

"Occasionally," I admitted. "We don't have many suppliers, and our own factories aren't quite up and running yet, so right now we're dependent on whatever we can take over from the Autobots."

"Thought so," she said, trailing one finger down the slats of one of my head vents. "Well, if you do need supplies, I'm sure you'd find plenty of people around here willing to help. The younger ones especially, who chose no symbol because we believe that there's no need for symbols to divide us, to mark us as different."

"Like you?"

She grinned. "Yes, like me. I'll give you and Starscream and Skywarp free parts anyway, but I'm sure I can convince 'Crusher to spare some shipments every now and then. And I'd bet Percy and Grapple and Hoist would be plenty willing to help out too, not to mention Scrapper and his gang and a whole list of others."

I tilted her face up with my fingers. "You would do that?" I asked. "That shop is all you have. If you don't make enough credits, you can't get all the energon you need, and…"

"I have you, too, you know," she reminded me. "And I would lose the store a thousand times over if it meant keeping you."

I crushed her to me in a hug, hiding my face in the crook of her neck, not sure what I had done to deserve a femme such as this.

I refused to take anyone with me to the presumably abandoned warehouse in a Tarnish wasteland. I was determined to accomplish this on my own, to restore my faith in myself.

I heaved the door open just enough to slip inside. I adjusted my optics to the darkness and looked around. Everything was dusty and long-unused, but a trail led through the dust on the floor. I followed it through the empty room to another door. This one opened suspiciously easily, without even a creak.

Now cautious, I went into the next dark room, switching my optics to infrared.

The sudden glow was the only warning I received before I was seized from behind, a strong set of arms curling around my wings to pull me off balance in a painful hold. I struggled, kicking backwards, but the five additional heat signatures discouraged me. Four glowing red visors and one set of crimson optics glowed in my direction, in addition to the one holding me.

"Lights," someone commanded, and the lights came up to reveal a group of hefty, faded purple-and-green mechs; they looked perfectly capable of taking me apart piece by piece if they chose. All bore the outline of a Decepticon symbol, but that placed no damper on their hostility.

"What do you want?" the one in the lead asked. Like Soundwave, he wore both a visor and a mask.

"He wants us to join the Decepticons," another answered before I could get a word in.

"No, he wants Devastator to join the Decepticons," a snootier voice added. "I'm just—"

"We know who you are. We don' want anythin' to do with it," the first one interrupted me. "There's a reason we didn't go back."

"Tell him, Scrapper. It's nothing but work, work, work with the Decepticons," another grumbled. "Long Haul, do this. Long Haul, do that. I wasn't made just to carry stuff around, you know."

"Yes, you were," another of the Constructicons added, very quietly.

"Look—" I wiggled a bit, but the one behind me still held fast. "At least hear me out."

"Let me guess: we're a vital part of the Decepticon cause, you can't do anything without us, you need our help to kick Autobot aft…"

"That's not what I want!"

"I don't like liars," the mech who held me growled, his grip tightening painfully on my wings. "Can't we just toss him in Mixmaster's tank and get rid of him?"

"I think we should listen to him."

"You're defective."

"I'm just sayin' it couldn't hurt!"

"We'll listen to 'im. Bonecrusher, put 'im down."

"This is not a democracy," one of the others shot back.

"I know. I'm the leader, I say we hear him out."

"I'm the head. I say toss him into Mixmaster."

I gave my input. "For what it's worth, I'm with Scrapper."

A few of them chuckled; the others glared.

"There's the tiebreaker. Let 'im go, Bonecrusher. You can always have some of 'im later if we don't like what 'e has to say."

Bonecrusher reluctantly released me. I flexed my wings, checking that they were undamaged.

"Thank you," I told them first. This wasn't exactly what I'd planned, but I'd have to work with it. "You already know who I am?"

"We figured it wouldn't be long before you came to get us. Thought you'd come with backup to drag us back."

"I'm not forcing anyone to join. I thought you would be willing to support the Decepticons after being enslaved by the Autobots." I looked at Scrapper. "I remember you from Iacon."

"And he never let us forget it, either," Long Haul grumbled. "Braggin' all the time about knowing you when you was a little scraplet."

Scrapper cuffed him over the helm as I filed away that tidbit—I had at least one admirer among the Constructicons, and Scavenger also seemed to lean towards me.

"Look," Scrapper said. He shifted uncomfortably. "We're all for the cause. No one's saying we ain't. But, well… we're Constructicons. We build stuff. But all Megatron ever told us to do was destroy it. It was all about Devastator."

"I'm not interested in mindless destruction," I told them. " I don't hate the Autobots. I'm not like Megatron. If you know of me, you already know that."

They looked at each other doubtfully.

"You sure look like him to me," one said.

I sighed through my vents. "I know."

Challenge them, my intuition told me. Living in this old warehouse probably didn't give the Constructions much to do.

"Here's the situation." I looked earnestly into each visor as I spoke. I hoped I could be certain of them; I didn't want this information spread around. "After the defeat at Praxus, half of my army is in no condition to fight. They're badly injured and we have few qualified medics. If the Autobots attacked now, we would collapse. We are in desperate need of medics to repair and upgrade us. And Kaon is half in ruins. We need builders. Without you, the Decepticons face defeat. We need you." A hesitation. "I need you."

There, everything on the table. For a time the gestalt discussed silently.

"Well!" the snooty one said. "Finally a leader who appreciates art."

"So you mean we can do somethin' besides destroying stuff?" Scrapper asked.

"Yes."

"Looks like you win."

"And it's back to work," Long Haul complained. "Work, work, work."

"Your wings ain't angled right," Bonecrusher rumbled at me before rambling away, muttering dire threats.

"You're lucky he didn't take 'em," the other—I assumed from the large cylinder on his back that this was Mixmaster – told me. "Anythin' that ain't perfect, Bonecrusher breaks."

"And who is responsible for that shoddy patch-job on your leg?"

"Starscream."

The Constructicon scoffed. "Starscream is a field medic, not a professional. You should be repaired only by the best."

"Enough, Hook, we know you're a genius." Scrapper sighed. "From your report, er, Commander Nova, we better get to work right away."

In a much better mood, I returned to Kaon. As I entered our airspace, Skywarp appeared next to me. After a cheerful hail, he maintained radio silence despite my repeated inquiries. He merely kept pace to my left.

Finally, Starscream shrieked past, engines screaming as he dipped in to take the lead. He wouldn't respond to my questions, so I resigned myself to silence.

Starscream suddenly veered up and to the right; Skywarp followed and I moved to avoid running into him. After that I took it as a challenge, a way to work off my anxieties and fine-tune some maneuvers. Starscream put us through our paces, but I kept up doggedly even through the trickiest acrobatics.

By the time Starscream finally slowed and angled towards the Tower, my fuel level was low and my thrusters aching. It was a satisfying feeling.

We transformed and landed near the top level. Skywarp clung to my arm.

"Nova, Nova, you were amazing!"

"Good enough," Starscream said, but the pride in his voice made my Spark warm. "You'll do."

"What?"

"You'll do," he repeated impatiently. "You kept up, didn't you? I taught you personally, didn't I?"

"What he means, Nova, is that he wants you to be our second."

I stared at him, then at Starscream. "What… your trine?"

Trine. Their trine… where Thundercracker had flown with them. I couldn't replace him. I could never be for them what he had been.

"I don't understand," I told them. "I can't be your wingmate. I'm not good enough."

"Are you implying that my teaching wasn't enough?" Starscream snapped.

"You're a wonderful flier," Skywarp added. "You flew with us just now and Starscream was pulling out all the stops."

"That's not what I meant. I… I couldn't…"

Unexpectedly, Skywarp threw his arms around my waist in a quick, tight hug. His expression was unusually serious. Looking into his face, I knew that he still mourned Thundercracker and always would. "Nova… me 'n' Screamer, we fight like cats and dogs…"

"Don't call me that!"

"Like what?"

"Like… like Autobots and Decepticons. TC was the one who balanced us. That's who you are, Nova. You're just like TC. A peacemaker."

You're just like TC.

It was the best thing he could have said. I couldn't hope to replace Thundercracker, but I could at least do my best to fill the void he had left behind.

"I accept," I said finally. Both faces brightened.

Wingmates. A trine of my own at last… or almost my own.

Without warning, Starscream struck me, sending me to the floor.

"I am your trineleader and while we fly together you will follow me, is that clear?"

I leapt to my pedes. "You are my Air Commander. I am the leader of the Decepticons. I choose to fly at your side, I choose to obey because I know of your experience, but I am your commander and I will not allow you to undermine me. I am your wingmate, not your subordinate. I will follow your lead when it suits me, and only then. Is that clear?"

Starscream stared, optics flared in shock. Finally his expression changed to his usual smirk.

"Such a backstrut," he observed slyly. "For all that you go on about not being like Megatron, you have a habit of acting like him."

I flinched, stung, but Starscream hadn't meant it maliciously. He shrugged off my rebuke in his usual fashion. "Now get off your pedestal and go refuel. You look awful."

The three of us left the Tower and headed for our quarters. Skywarp was diverted by Frenzy and Rumble partway there; I hoped that their latest prank wouldn't be against me. Now that Starscream and I were alone, I carefully voiced a thought that had been troubling me.

"When your bondmate… is terminated… does it hurt?"

"You were there," Starscream answered softly. "You saw what happened to Skywarp. It's painful… immensely. When two Sparks bond, they become part of each other. When your bondmate dies you are losing a part of your own Spark."

I remembered feeling that pain once before, though it had not been my own. Axis. When Starscream had shown me his memories…

"You felt that at Axis."

Starscream's wings hiked defensively and he walked faster. I kept up.

"Didn't you? When Megatron—"

"Nova."

"You were bonded."

Starscream stopped, clenching his fists.

"I hated Megatron," he hissed. "I hated him. When we—when he—created you, it was… We never meant to bond." He glowered at some imagined Megatron in the air before him. "I'm glad he's been terminated and I don't have to endure it any more."

The intensity of his hatred startled me. Still, I couldn't help but wonder if there hadn't been a hint of regret or even bitter sorrow in Starscream's voice.