Hermione couldn't stop the tears. They kept falling silently. She kept wiping them away, and they kept falling.
Hermione thought, this is bad. It has never been this bad before. If Harry could have only hugged me. Anything it would have helped. However, he is still so angry. I could feel that from him.
"I am going to pick you back up now Miss Granger." Severus told her.
She felt him as he put an arm under her legs and one around back as he scooped her up. Hermione lay her head on his shoulder as she kept worrying one of the buttons on the inside of his cloak.
Hermione thought, this is so not good Hermione. You are not even fighting this. If this had been last year you would have been kicking and screaming bloody murder.
"Where are you putting them sir?" Draco asked.
Hermione felt Severus turn and he answered. "The two bedrooms outside the door to my chambers that lead into the house."
Hermione thought. What? Why do they have two bedrooms there? Gryffindor doesn't have anything like that.
Then she heard him say, "No ideas Miss Parkinson. You know the monitoring that is on those two rooms. Same rules apply as if they were in the regular dorm rooms."
Monitoring? What the heck do they monitor? Hermione thought.
Draco snickered at Pansy's frown. "Told you so."
She listened as Severus pointed out the study room, then the Snake Den, and the two halls. She kept her head on his shoulder the whole time.
"This door leads to my private chambers. Make sure you read the sign." Severus told them.
Hermione looked at the sign on the door. She read over it quickly.
He turned to the door on the right, "Mr. Potter, this will be your room. The one on the left will be Miss Granger's. You should already find your things inside the room. The only thing I ask is that you stay in the common rooms for the rest of today. Other than meal time. Get settled in and go blow off some steam in The Snake Den. If your anger is still at the level it is right now after you've done all that come get me, and we'll see if we can't find a constructive way of making it go away. Murder is never a good thing even though you may want to do it."
Hermione thought, Harry, he is being so understanding. Where was the snide, cruel, cynical Professor Snape? Not that I mind, but this side is so different. Is this that yin and yang part of him?
"Yes, sir." Harry said.
"I'm keeping Miss Granger with me for awhile. Once she feels up to it, I can imagine she may come find you." Severus told Harry.
Hermione thought. What? Why are you keeping me?
She heard him say a spell she never heard before. His chamber door opened. Hermione shut her eyes and turned her head into his chest. She didn't want to see the room. She heard the door shut behind them.
Hermione thought. No no no. The last thing I need is to see his quarters. I can't sleep as is because he is constantly in my dreams now. I don't need anymore fuel for my dream world. This is so not good.
Severus had felt her bury her head in his chest. He craned his neck around well enough so he could see what little bit of her face as he could. Her eyes from what he could tell were clamped shut. Why did she do that? Is she afraid? No, she had nothing to fear. Reassure her and see what happens, Severus thought.
Severus leaned down so his mouth was next to her ear. Then he said. "Miss Granger, you are alright. I am going to sit down, and then we are going to have a little talk."
Hermione thought, anything, with 'we are going to have a little talk' has never been good. I am so dead now. My father does that and I cave. If I pay attention then maybe I can survive this.
Severus walked over to his reading chair. It was like the one in the library. He straddled the built in ottoman and then sat down, making sure not to crush her legs; he adjusted her, so they were laying on the arm rest on the right side. He looked down at her. She still hadn't moved. He removed his arm from under her legs that were wrapped in his cloak. He removed his arm from her back and noticed this still gave him no reaction. Get her anchored to you further. She wasn't like this before you came into your chambers. My chambers. It is my chambers. That has to be it. If you want to hide in my chest, then so be it. I'll just sit right here and wait on you. Relax Severus and let her feel it, and no talking until she comes around, Severus thought.
Hermione could hear the constant tick of a clock. Hermione still kept her head buried in his chest. His breathing was slow, even paced, and very deep. She noticed the slow thump, thump, thump of his heartbeat near her forehead. He didn't say anything. Are you waiting on me? Why would you be waiting on me for? Start and let's get this over with. It was your idea, not mine. Hermione thought and willed her mind to go blank.
Severus placed his fingers lightly on her back and felt her startle ever so slightly. Yes, well, your own fault for depriving yourself of sight now isn't it. And you'll anchor even further as I slide them up and down your back. I plan on taking full advantage of getting control of the situation. Severus thought.
She felt a light touch on her back and started just a little from it. The touch staid, then ever so slowly she felt the brushing stroke down her back and realized it was his fingers. They stopped at the lower portion of her back and came back up in the same slow fashion. He kept doing this over and over again.
Yes, that's it. Severus thought as he looked down at her closed eyes and noticed they weren't clenched now, only shut, closed peacefully. No more tears, and your breathing is now matched to mine. You are anchored to me. And the longer you keep your eyes shut the more you'll hear, and it drives you crazy until you open those eyes. I have patience and it is time you learn that. Severus thought.
Hermione noticed after awhile her crying had stopped finally and her breathing was even with his. You anchored me the rest of the way without saying a word. Why are you doing this? Keeping her eyes closed; she turned her head, so her ear was now up against his chest. The slow steady rhythm after awhile almost felt like it was pounding in her own head. The slow strokes up and down her back were soothing. She moved her head back slightly trying to get away from the pounding.
Hermione was in the crook of his arm, by the time she could not hear it anymore. This is insane. What the heck is he doing? Not talking that is for sure. He is still waiting on me. The clock is way to loud. My own fault on that one, deprived myself of my eyes. Talk about self punishment.
Severus enjoyed this. He had no where else he wanted to be at the moment, and she had given him her whole face to look at as she placed her head in the crook of his arm. Well, my little minx, have you felt it yet. That relaxed calm, the peace, the total sense of safety and security, he thought.
She was glad that the crying jag she had, had been a shock to her system enough to dampen her libido. Which was fine with her, if it hadn't she knew she would be panicked instead of relaxed. She noticed she felt safe, secure, and at peace. Okay, this is stupid. Open your eyes at least. Hermione opened her eyes and found Severus looking right at her.
There you go. You had me worried for awhile. You are very relaxed right now, but you are still depressed. We need to talk about that. I am still waiting on you. Severus thought.
She could still see the concern in them as well as a bit of relief. Why would he be relieved? She started searching out his face. Hermione noticed where the crease marks were where his normal scowl was usually present. There was no scowl so the lines in his skin could clearly be seen. She still felt the constant strokes of his fingers up and down her back even while she was studying his face. She noticed the smile lines on the outer sides of his eyes. So you can smile. You have the proof of it on your face. His nose was long and hooked. Hermione also noticed his lips were thin and his chin was well chiseled. His skin was pale, light and soft. He had no facial hair it was so smooth.
You are staring my little minx. Hmm, could it be you like what you see? Severus thought and arched his brow.
Hermione looked back up at his dark eyes and saw his right brow go up in a clear questioning look. She blushed and buried her head at being caught staring at him.
Severus chuckled silently at seeing that blush. Yes, you do, or you wouldn't have blushed the way you did when I caught you.
Hermione felt the silent chuckle he gave. So not good, I'm entertaining him now. Where did all that patience come from? He normally blows up in the classroom at least two or three times each class. I need to leave, as good as this feels, it will not be good if my body decides to start taking over again. Just tell him you feel better and see if you can get out of here.
Severus kept his fingers tracing up and down her back as he watched the blush she had slowly faded away from her neck. When she lifted her head and opened her eyes, he found a decided look in them. Well, are we going to talk now? On the other hand, are you going to try and run away? He raised an eyebrow at her again in silent question.
"I'm feeling better." She said softly.
Severus gave her nod. He watched as she fingered the lapel on his cloak. She is going to try to run, Severus. Her eyes keep looking at the door.
Time to get out of here, you can do this. Hermione thought to herself. Then she sat up and felt the cloak fall away down to her lap and around her waist. Not bad, I am still anchored. Damn him, he grounded me more to himself than the cloak while he held me.
"May I go to my room and get settled in now?" Hermione asked. Please say yes.
She wants to run, but there are rules little minx. Severus gave her a slight grin. "Do you think you can? Did you read the sign on the door?"
Hermione looked at the door. Outside that door was freedom. Oh god. I don't remember the whole sign. I did read it. What did it say? "I don't remember what all the sign said." Hermione admitted to him.
Yes, now you are under the rules. She read it, even if she doesn't remember. They apply. No running away for you. "I will refresh your memory, Miss Granger. There are three that apply to you right now. Numbers eight, nine, and ten."
He paused and Hermione then thought, Oh god. I stepped right into that one. Pay attention. Hermione looked at him, once she did she could see his eyes clearly held authority, and she couldn't look away.
Severus was amused by the look she had. He knew she was paying attention now. He didn't show how amused he was either. He kept his face devoid of emotion. Then he told her the rules she was under, "Number eight, If it is a personal matter that can't be discussed with anyone but me. Enter. Number nine, If you Enter without having done 1 through 8 first punishment will be handed out. Number ten, Remember your manners. I am the Judge, Jury, and Executioner."
You either talk or I will punish you little minx. Your choice. Severus thought.
Hermione's mind seized on one word and the sadistic way he had said it. Punishment. The low hum kicked in as it started to spread slowly. Get out of his lap, whatever you do, just get out of his lap.
Severus felt the draw and tug from her as she sat there a little longer. He watched as she moved and got up off his lap. Starting to feel other things now? Decide what you want.
Hermione walked over to the door and put her forehead on it. She could feel him watching her. She bit down on the inside of her lip. What the heck would the punishment be? Don't go there. Talk, he wants to talk. But about what? She pressed her forehead into the door. "What are we supposed to talk about?" She asked.
She doesn't want to find out what punishment is right now. Take this slow Severus. Severus pulled his cloak off the chair and folded it and laid it on the arm of the chair. Clearly, you are more grounded to me than the cloak now. "First off, I am not the door, turn around."
I can do that. Hermione thought and then turned around leaving her the back of her head pressed against it. She had closed eyes and kept her breathing as even as possible. She didn't want that hum to get any worse than what it already was. Just relax as long as he stays where he is I can get through this.
"Very good." Severus told her as he watched, she kept her breathing still almost even with his. Hers was a bit faster, but not by much. She was still grounded to him. "It is also customary for both parties to keep their eyes open. Rule ten, remember your manners."
Okay, just breathe, I can do this. My dreams are going to be torturous tonight. Hermione opened her eyes. It was like the whole room was alight. At the other side of the room Hermione saw the small table and chairs of deep, rich, mahogany; a bottle of fire whiskey sat near the center of it. There was a couch to the right of her, a deep forest green. His chambers were earth tone colors, a striking contrast to the black she had always pictured in her mind. Bookcases were behind him on the left, five of them lining up against the wall. Above them was a long rectangular window that allowed the soft ambient green light of the black lake to come through. She looked towards him. The chair he sat in was exactly like the one she had sat in the library that day. The concern was clearly shown on his face again as his arms rested on the arm rests while he was looking at her.
Better, Severus thought. She finally worked through whatever fear she had over the room.
Severus gestured to the couch in front of him. "Take a seat Miss Granger."
He wants me closer. Breathe. You are seeing that soft side of him and bloody hell it scares me more than what he ever did over the last seven years. Tentatively, and very cautiously she walked slowly to that couch and took a seat as close to the door as possible. Her heartbeat quickened and her breathing picked up pace to match it.
She is scared of you Severus. This side of you scares her. Toss her the cloak. Severus picked up his cloak and tossed it over to the couch near her. He watched as her eyes darted straight to it. Come on little minx, pick it up, get that safe and secure feeling back.
Hermione looked at the cloak. He knows I am scared. Damn it. If I pick up that cloak it will only make me slip further to him, it'll hurt even more at the end of the school. Right now its going to hurt like hell. Hermione slid further back on the couch and placed her hands in her lap and focused her eyes above his head, trying desperately not to think about that cloak laying right next to her.
Damn, she is going to fight it. Alright. If this is the way you want to play this. Then I am going straight after what I want. Severus rest his head on the back of the chair while he kept his eyes focused on her. "Why did you freeze today at the table? You have been through so much with Mr. Potter and lived through all that. What is going on?"
Damn, I should have known he'd jump on that one. Why did I freeze? I know why, but it leads all right back to him. Hermione looked down at her hands in her lap and started pressing her finger nails of her thumbs into her palms as her heartbeat picked up a little more. If Draco could spot a lie. Oh god. There is no way out of this. If I lie to him, I am in trouble. I am in trouble anyway. No matter which way I go now.
"I froze because too many things have been going on." Hermione said.
"Elaborate. What things?" Severus asked her.
"Like with Harry. That was my fault, I was only trying to help. He felt lost. We talked about it over the Christmas holidays. He felt like he was missing more, kept needing more and Ginny wasn't able to give it to him. Ronald was the same way with me." Hermione put her head back on the couch and took a few deep breaths. It hurt just thinking about it.
"So neither one of you were satisfied sexually with your ex-partners." Severus said. "So it was you who brought up the lifestyle then at that time correct?"
Severus watched as she nodded. She is taking the long way of getting there as to why she froze. Let her talk it out, Severus.
"So you introduced Harry to the lifestyle. So what else is going on?" Severus asked.
What else? Writing fantasies with you as the star, that is what else. Hermione pressed her thumbs harder into her palms. "The more we talked, the more questions Harry started having. It got harder to always find time where we were alone and no one could hear. So I ended up writing to my mother, she sent the books. It was easier that way. We couldn't just talk about it openly in the common room." Hermione moved her head, so she could actually see him. That was when she saw the understanding in his eyes, the way she had heard it in his voice when he talked to Harry at the door.
"I can only imagine the stress you two have been under trying to be yourselves in the lion's den where you two are not the normal lions. Staunch Gryffindors are very old fashioned Miss Granger. Most all of them are solidly built that way and anything that deviates from the normal sexual act repulses them. Weasley was the example of that." Severus stated with understanding.
You are working on that fear you have of me rather well. Keep talking, the more you do so, the more comfortable you'll be around me. Severus thought.
Hermione snorted out a derisive laugh. "It wasn't pleasant. It made things rather difficult."
"What things?" Severus asked.
This was what I didn't want to get into. Damn. Her eyes went to his cloak again. Don't do it. But it would be so much easier with it. Hermione felt torn, trying to fight through the feelings that were overwhelming her senses at the moment. She grabbed the cloak and curled up with it on the side of the couch putting her head on the arm rest as the tears started flowing again.
It'll be okay. Go to her. Severus moved and went over to the couch and squat down before it. He put one on her head brushing back her hair behind her ear. "You are safe. It'll be okay. Talk to me. Let me help, what things?"
Hermione closed her eyes. "I haven't been sleeping well. I eat, do my school work, go to class, anything, only when Harry orders me to. I haven't been able to do it on my own."
Severus swallowed hard. He could hear just how far she had gone and that despair in her voice hurt. "You are depressed, Miss Granger. The more you talk about what is really bothering you, the easier it will get."
"No it won't." Hermione said as she pulled his cloak up even higher to cover her head.
She is hiding, like a little child. Severus pulled the cloak back down. "Yes it will. Now what is really bothering you?" He demanded in very stern voice.
Why did he have to use that voice? Fine, I'll tell him. But I am not saying who. "I am in love with someone, and I don't want to be hurt anymore."
Damn it. You pushed her to that point. It is out there, but not the way you wanted to hear it. Let her keep that much for now. You need more of her trust and right now if you push further you'll lose her. She is depressed because of you, Severus. Severus continued to caress the top of her head.
"So this has been eating you up inside." Severus stated.
Hermione nodded in clear relief he didn't ask who.
"So the reason you froze today is because you couldn't handle anymore emotional stress. Your system is already overloaded, and you shut down at lunch when Weasley said those things." Severus told her.
Hermione nodded as the tears kept flowing.
Reassure her. Let her know you are there for her now. You'll be one damn lucky man if you can turn this around. Severus kept caressing her the top of her head. "It'll be alright Miss Granger. I'm going to help you through this. I know it hurts. I'll make sure you have some sleeping potions in your room. We'll tackle this one step at a time. You can leave now anytime you want. My door will always be open to you. Feel free to come inside anytime you need it."