Title: Jabs
Rating: T
Genre: Humor/ Drama?
Word Count: 725
Summary: It was a sticky situation…or rather, a prickly one.
Disclaimer: Do not own Naruto.
It all started fairly easily. Go to Suna with Sakura. Retrieve a scroll from Gaara and bring it back.
"'You'll be fine. It'll be easy! Think of it as a vacation!' Yeah right," Kakashi grumbled, mocking Tsunade's parting words as she sent them on their latest mission. Of course, she forgot to mention that the Kazekage was gone on a diplomatic meeting and his siblings had no idea where the scroll was, or the fact that they would be attacked on the way back because the scroll was actually plans for a high-security establishment that would garner a hefty sum on the black market and change the rank of the mission from 'B' to 'A.' Sure, they'd have their pay changed accordingly, but it would've been nice to grab a few more kunai at the beginning of the trip instead of running around the forest to retrieve their limited supply.
"Ouch!"
"Quit complaining!" Sakura sighed exasperatedly, dropping an item into a glass petri dish as her sensei flinched on the stretcher by her hip. Kakashi glared, affronted.
"Well, what am I supposed to say when I'm hurt? 'Yay?'"
"If you're a masochist, yes. But as far as I know, you're not; so quit complaining and hold still!" she yelled.
"Hold still? Hold still? I have porcupine quills in my ass! And if I remember correctly, I got them saving you!" he retorted hotly before turning back to glare disdainfully at the exam room wall. Honestly, what were porcupines doing in the middle of the Sand-Fire border? He'd expected snakes, scorpions—but a porcupine?
"You didn't save me."
"Really? So pulling you away from a flying kunai aimed at your neck doesn't constitute as saving you?" he said as he recounted the incident in his mind. He had just finished off his opponent when he noticed a kunai sailing towards Sakura. Normally, he wouldn't pay it any attention since Sakura could handle those types of things on her own (she was a Chuunin, after all), but her body had been temporarily paralyzed by a jutsu. Being her team leader and friend, it was his job to protect her and so, he grabbed her and pulled her out of the way…only to land on a hapless porcupine sleeping in the bushes where they landed.
"It does, but I would've been fine."
"Yes, because not being able to move at all is the absolute epitome of being capable. Face it, Sakura. I got these things in my butt saving you. Shouldn't you be grateful?"
"Well, I would be if you weren't being such a grouch," she grumbled.
"Well, wouldn't you be a grouch too if you had to be naked from the waist down while your former student plucks quills out of your ass?"
"I'd certainly take it better than you are right now."
"Liar, you'd be just as grouchy as I am right now."
"Well, this isn't a picnic for me either. Like I really want to be staring at your backside, old man."
"First of all, I'm not old. Thirty-five is a good age to be. And I'll have you know, half of Konoha fawns over my backside. They'd kill to be in your place."
"Then get one of them," she snapped, a quill ringing in the petri dish.
"Didn't I teach you to take responsibility for your actions? If not me, certainly your mother. You wouldn't want to disappoint her, would you?"
"She's probably disappointed already that I'm looking at a man's ass and I'm not even married."
"Well, we could get married. I'll make an honest woman out of you yet, Haruno Sakura."
"Oh ha-ha, sensei. And when my mother has a heart attack, what will we do then?"
"We could always hide the body and elope."
"You're horrible, I swear," she said, the faintest hints of a smile on her lips. Kakashi smiled.
"Just admit it. You think my ass is cute and you want nothing more than to ravage me right now and—OW!" he cried, turning his head back to see Sakura looking impishly back at him, a long quill at the end of her tweezers.
"What, sensei?" she asked innocently.
Kakashi settled to grumble under his breath.