A/N: I LIIIIIIIVE! First of all, my profuse and heartfelt apologies for having fallen off the face of the earth for the last few months. I would have posted a non-chapter "I'm alive" update but those aren't allowed per FF rules, so aside from some PMs I have sat here in utter silence and I really am sorry, guys, but as to the reasons for my absence, it's at LEAST a really good one lol. So I mentioned my move in January and how that was causing a hopefully brief hiatus, and literally just a few days later, I found out I was pregnant! Lol. So once I was all settled into the new place and comfortable with time to write... the lovely first trimester suckiness had already set in and between forcing myself to eat (ugh) and throwing up (UGH) and being so exhausted for no reason that I started napping daily quite hardcore... my brain was nowhere NEAR being ready to start writing. I did try, though, resulting in one fraction of a draft that I hated and trashed and a oneshot that I haven't finished yet. But once I started feeling vaguely human again, with the help of midnightwings96 (who wrote most of one of the scenes here when I was hopelessly stuck and motivation-less and helped SO MUCH in doing that, I don't think I'd be posting today if she hadn't so GIANT hugs and thanks to her) along with the encouragement of MorningGlory2 PLUS the amazing messages of support I got in PMs and reviews from some of you, I managed to finally get THIS done. It's probably not my best work and it took me a LOT longer to write than I'm used to, but... it is done :) Now, I'm not sure about the frequency of future updates but my goal is definitely to have this story finished before the baby comes, so I'm gonna try my hardest to have it done by this fall because God knows I'm not gonna be doing any writing for AWHILE after that, lol. But I want you guys to know that this will absolutely NOT be abandoned, it's never far from my mind - it's mine and midnightwings96's BABY after all lol - and I WILL finish it, lengthy hiatus or no. So hopefully the next chapters come easier than this one did, lol. I think they will.
I love you guys and I greatly appreciate all the reviews and messages you all left/sent during my ghost days (lol), and again, I'm sorry for worrying or frustrating anyone. Life isn't always writing-friendly, as I'm sure most of you can understand, but I do think the worst of my focus/writing issues are over and that I'll be able to push through the rest. Thank you all so much for your loyalty and patience - I literally can't thank you guys enough, you're absolutely amazing - and I hope this chapter helps make up for the hiatus! I love you all and I shall hopefully see you soon! :D
When Summer awoke the next morning, for about a full and very confusing moment, she was genuinely unsure as to where she was and how exactly she had ended up there. Luckily for her, however, it only took the slightest shifting of her body to reveal just how wonderfully sore she was and thus instantly remind her of the glorious previous night.
She was lying on her stomach, twisted up comfortably in the sheets and wearing a happy little sleepy smile as she drew in a deep breath and began to roll over, fully expecting to find her husband still asleep on his side of the bed. But her smile deflated a little bit when she found his side empty, full of nothing but rustled sheets.
She blinked a few times, rubbing her eyes and trying not to feel too disappointed in his absence. Maybe it was late and that was why he wasn't there. She sat up, holding the sheets to her chest - and wincing slightly, because damn she really was sore - and looked to the table next to the bed to try to peer at the clock. When she found her phone sitting there instead, she blinked in surprise. Her phone had been in her clutch the night before, which she'd tossed to the floor the minute she and Bucky had arrived in his room. He must have grabbed it for her and put it there that morning, and his apparent thoughtfulness made her smile as she reached for the phone.
It wasn't quite 8 yet, so she beat her alarm by about five minutes. She turned it off and then sunk back down into the incredibly comfortable, luxurious bed and closed her eyes, stretching out and feeling as close to cloud nine as one could ever get.
She felt like Cinderella the morning after the ball, only infinitely happier and elated because holy crap all of that had actually happened. He had really showed up at the benefit to surprise her and support her, he had really seen her tattoo, and as if those two things hadn't been enough... he had also broken his own personal, years-long rule to kiss her and told her he loved her and had taken her back home to absolutely ravish her.
There really was no other word for it, she was sure of that. She had been ravished. She was still ravished. Mega ravished. On a scale of one to ten, she was... five million kajillion. Approximately.
It was truly all too good to be true. After everything she'd been through since the Bratva had consumed her life, all the fear and brushes with death and the trauma that had left its permanent mark on her, now this had happened. And this was something that she hadn't thought would have ever been possible back on her wedding day.
Still smiling like a moron and brain hopped up on more happy hormones than she could even fully process, she sat back up and decided to hurry up and get out of bed. She had to be at the office soon and she really wanted to see Bucky before she left, plus pulling Aemilia aside in order to squeal and flail with her was a must. But before she could do any of that, she needed to find clothes.
She spotted Bucky's shirt on top of his jacket on the back of a chair, and that would have to do. She couldn't exactly throw her gazillion-dollar diamond dress back on, so she quickly scrambled out of bed and grabbed his shirt, throwing it on and feeling her smile grow as she was briefly engulfed in his scent. She buttoned it up and then glanced towards the door, where her dress was no longer pooled on the floor. She looked around for it before noticing Bucky's closet, which he'd left open, and there was the dress hanging right in the middle of a number of well-tailored suits.
Between her phone and the dress, his thoughtfulness was making her swoon up a storm and she hadn't even had coffee yet. She headed off to the bathroom then, floating on air and deciding to try and make herself presentable while she still had the chance, half expecting Bucky to return from wherever he was any minute and not really wanting him to find her with tangled hair and unbrushed teeth.
Of course, a toothbrush was an instant problem when she got to the bathroom. Hers was still in her own bathroom, naturally, so she started rummaging through the drawers and cabinets to try and find a spare one. Just when she was ready to give up, she found not one but three new and unopened double packs of toothbrushes - apparently the man bought in bulk. After claiming a purple one, she then found his hairbrush and got to work detangling the utter mess that was her hair. It was generally easily tangled anyway, but after the number that Bucky had done on it last night, her arm was sore by the time that she was done taming the locks.
After that, curiosity got the best of her. If she was being honest, she couldn't have stopped herself even if she'd wanted to. She had seen his numerous hair products in the bathroom before, but she'd never had the chance to fully inspect them. Now that the chance had presented itself... well, why not?
The man had everything. The cabinets were like a mini salon, complete with really weird and expensive brands of everything from deep conditioners to oils to floral scented tube of styling wax. She was sniffing one tub in particular - vanilla and pomegranate and rose oil, apparently - when a voice behind her startled her so bad she squealed and dropped it into the sink.
"Just so you know," Bucky said, leaning against the bathroom doorway with a cup of coffee in hand, "I didn't buy any of that."
Fake-cursing and slapping her hand to her chest to try to stop her heart from exploding out of it, Summer fumbled for the wax and slammed the lid back on it before turning around and replying with a deep blush, "And I was absolutely not snooping through your stuff."
Bucky grinned and looked her over, obviously rather liking the sight of her in his shirt and nothing else. "Yeah you were."
"... Yes I was," she cringed. "I'm sorry."
He shrugged and handed her the coffee. "S'all right." When she took the mug and smiled at him a little shyly, he gestured to the cup and said, "I don't know if you'll like that. I just... kept adding fake sugar until it was disgusting."
"... It's probably delicious then," she smiled, taking a small sip to verify. It was indeed so sweet that it was bordering on undrinkable, but he'd done his best and tried. That was what mattered.
He smirked. "It's awful, isn't it?"
"No," she shook her head, continuing to drink it for emphasis. "It's good."
He rolled his eyes and came closer, taking it out of her hand and setting it aside. "You can't even lie over coffee, can you?"
"I'm not lying," she smiled, backing up as he continued to saunter closer. "It's great. Best coffee I've ever had, actually."
Backing her up against the sink, Bucky invaded her space and wasted no time in picking her up and setting her on the counter, chuckling as he replied, "Now you're just embarrassing yourself."
She giggled and then closed her eyes as he leaned in and kissed her, sending a swarm of butterflies through her belly and pleasant shivers down her spine. She wondered if she'd ever get used to it, to kissing him like this and having that part of him that he'd kept locked away for so incredibly long. Every kiss was really a privilege, and she didn't plan on ever forgetting it.
He wasn't taking it for granted either. One kiss turned into two and then three, and after a few moments she felt him grin against her lips and note, "You stole my toothpaste."
"And a toothbrush," she confirmed, grinning back at him. "You have a lot of extra ones." Her hand then slipped on the counter beside her, knocking off a bottle of deep conditioner. "... And hair stuff."
"Lukas buys all this shit," Bucky explained with a sigh, hands sliding up her hips and skimming beneath the hem of his shirt. "He uses it once and then puts it in here when he decides he doesn't like it. It's fucking annoying."
"Oh, okay," she chuckled, though she suspected he really didn't mind the constant free samples. After all, some of the products she'd inspected were empty or half empty.
He raised a brow. "You don't believe me?"
"... Well, considering your hair smells better than any woman's I've ever met... not really?"
She then squeaked a little bit when his hands suddenly clamped down on her hips and brought her to the edge of the counter, pressing her right against him. He grinned at her surprised little noise and brought his lips within an inch of hers, telling her, "First I catch you looking through my stuff, and now you think I'm a liar."
If she'd been a little braver, a little more like Aemilia and a little less like herself, she might have said something along the lines of needing to be punished, or maybe daring him to do so. But as it was, she had awhile to go before she'd give voice to those particular thoughts. Instead, she blushed and tried to come up with some kind of answer, only to be derailed by the distinct sensation of his phone vibrating in his pocket, just against her leg.
As she tried not to deflate with disappointment, he rolled his eyes and reached into his pocket to retrieve the phone. He then glanced at the screen, sent the call to voicemail, and tossed his phone down carelessly on the counter before turning his full attention back to his wife.
"Was that... important?" she asked as he leaned in close again, one hand moving to start plucking open the buttons of his shirt that she was wearing.
"See, here's the thing," he said lowly, pressing a kiss to her jaw and then her neck just under it, slowly opening the shirt and pushing it aside. "I'm the boss. I decide what's important. And right now," he said, kissing her pulse point before raising his head and looking her in the eye, "I'm gonna finally get my wife in the shower with me."
She smiled and her blush deepened as he pushed the shirt down her shoulders. "Oh, really?"
"Unless you wanna walk around the office all day smelling like I fucked you all night," he replied casually, cocky little smirk making a reappearance as he picked her up to haul her off to said shower.
"Why do I get the feeling that a shower won't really fix that?" she asked, clinging to him and trying not to giggle like a madwoman.
"I don't know, but I hope you're right," he grinned back, reaching the shower and somehow managing to hold her up with one arm while he used the other to turn on the water and get it warming up. If she didn't know any better, she would have thought that he'd had entirely too much practice with this kind of thing.
She was going to be late as hell to the office, but she didn't particularly care. It helped that she was best friends with the boss, who would definitely understand why she was going to be late and probably even let her take a long lunch to boot so that they could catch up on all the delicious little details of the night prior. And probably some of the morning, too.
For then, however, it was time to have a shower to remember. There were certainly worse ways to spend one's morning.
Some time later, Summer was dressed and ready for work and trying her very best not to smile like a complete idiot as she left Bucky's room and headed for the kitchens. He had slipped out first, apparently 30 minutes late to a meeting, and that left Summer to deal with the inevitable on her own: facing everyone else in the manor who knew exactly what she and Bucky had been getting up to all night.
She took a breath and headed down the stairs, telling herself to just accept that everyone was going to lose their minds the minute they saw her and there was nothing she could do about it. To make matters even worse, she was well aware that she basically had a neon flashing sign on her forehead exclaiming in all caps exactly what had Bucky had done to her last night - and a matter of moments earlier in the shower. There was literally no playing it cool. It was impossible.
Once she reached the bottom of the stairs and turned, she then promptly smacked into the first person that she would encounter on her walk of non-shame - Scott, of all people.
"Oh good God," she groaned after the collision, which had almost made Scott choke on the apple he was eating.
He quickly swallowed the bite - nearly choking for lack of chewing - and then exclaimed, "Aw, damn it! You're walking!"
She furrowed her brows. "... Am I not supposed to be?"
"I bet 20 bucks this morning that you'd be too, uh... well, you know, to walk properly today," he shrugged.
Her eyes widened. "Who did you bet with?!"
Scott paused. "Tony." He blinked. "And Lukas. Natasha. Um... I think... Pietro might have thrown a wager of his own in. He said the Boss would be the one who couldn't walk."
Summer paused and somehow managed to make her eyes grow even larger. "... Are you kidding me?"
Scott held up his hands in innocence. "Look, it was the hot topic at breakfast. Not my fault. And that wasn't even the worst of it, trust me. Lukas started wondering out loud how much you guys ended up doing and what positions and -"
"Mother of God," Summer squeaked, interrupting him. "I get it, I get it. Please stop."
Scott nodded, then took another bite of the apple. "So, how big is he? I only ask 'cause Lukas swears he's 'just right', so of course I had to ask how he hell he would know and he made it sound like he's seen the guy naked on a daily basis for like fifteen years which I thought was -"
"Scott," Summer blinked, interrupting, "shut up."
"Right. My bad."
Summer then sighed and stepped around him, heading towards the kitchens once more, only to then stop, turn and say, "And Lukas isn't wrong about the 'just right' thing. Just fyi."
Scott paused and then nodded. "Good to know. Sweet. I'm uh... I'm happy for you. About... that. About everything too, but also -"
"I got it," Summer nodded quickly, cringing and holding out a hand to shush him. "Thanks."
Scott nodded. "And that is the first time I've ever congratulated an ex-girlfriend on her husband's dick. At least sincerely, anyway."
Summer closed her eyes briefly with a sigh. "You know, Scott, you are literally the most annoying human being in my life currently and yet I truly hope you never change."
He winked and clicked his tongue at her while shooting a finger gun her way. "That I can definitely do, kiddo." He then dropped his hand and said with mild horror, "Did I just actually call you kiddo? The hell's wrong with me?"
"... I think that was the official transition from former lover to annoying older brother," Summer said with a smile, turning around to head back on her way. "See you later."
With that lovely conversation out of the way, now Summer just had to face everyone else. She thought of it like ripping off a bandaid - let everyone freak out and tease her and get it over with.
As she rounded the corner into the kitchen, she heard an unintelligible conversation immediately fall silent when she came into view. Just as she thought, Lukas, Aemilia, and Sam were next to each other at the table, Pietro, Tony, and Lizzie across from them, with Frieda at the head, each munching on their breakfasts with completely innocent faces. As if they hadn't just been discussing in detail her and Bucky's night of passion.
Frieda, bless her soul, greeted her with a happy, "Good morning, dear! There's a fresh pot of coffee if you're interested."
"Great, thanks," she replied, and as she walked to the mugs, her eyes brushed with Aemilia's sparkling ones, then onto Lukas's minuscule but potent little smirk, and then Lizzie's very not-subtle look of excitement, she knew it was the beginning of the end.
"I'm sure you need the extra caffeine, after the surely... athletic night you had," Lukas said smoothly.
"Lukas, leave the dear alone," Frieda gently said.
"No, it's okay, just..." she sighed with a slight smile, "get it over with."
"Yes, see, Mother? She doesn't mind! Besides, Summer has seen all too much of Aemilia and I, I can hardly say we have any semblance of boundaries at this point." Frieda's eyes widened every so slightly and Aemilia giggled in embarrassment. "So," he began again once Summer had grabbed a croissant with her coffee and sat down next to Lizzie and across from Sam. "Is his room still standing after last night? Oh, dear God, his bed is made of memory foam - those are absolute hell to clean." Sam, Tony, and Pietro snickered under their breath. Lukas's eyes widened fractionally before he leaned over the table and gestured vaguely with his fork as he whispered, "Did you place several towels down first? You know, because of all of the-"
Whatever Lukas had been about to say was cut off rather decisively by Summer choking noisily on her food and Sam helpfully smacking her back a few times to make sure she didn't die.
"What Lukas is trying to say," Aemilia quickly interjected before her husband could go any further and while Summer caught her breath, "is that we hope you had an absolutely marvelous time last night and we can't help but be a little curious considering what a huge step this is."
After Lukas's little tirade, Summer's face was so hot she feared it would simply melt off, but she was still so intensely floating on cloud nine that she managed to say with a little shy grin, "It was..." her mind suddenly flashed back to a few particularly heated moments against her will. Coughing a little, she continued, "Beyond amazing."
Aemilia and Lizzie squealed a bit, but Lukas merely groaned, "Oh, come on, Summer. Don't be so vague. Come on, paint a picture for me, I have to make sure James took my advice."
Summer's eyes widened, "Your advice? What advice?"
He merely winked at her and gestured between her and Aemilia, "You two have your little secrets, Bucky and I have mine."
"Dude... are you trying to sound super gay or is that just an accident?" Tony interjected.
Without missing a beat, Lukas asked, "Why? Are you jealous?" Lizzie actually snorted at that, and a wide-eyed Tony snapped his mouth shut. Momentarily, at least.
"And I believe that is my cue," Frieda announced with an exasperated but warm smile as she stood. Pietro chuckled and followed suit. "You all have a good day." She then placed a hand on Summer's shoulder, "I apologize on behalf of everyone for acting like children." Lukas merely gestured to himself in mock surprise as if to say Who? Me? and Aemilia giggled at him. Frigga trained her eyes to her youngest son. "Lukas. Behave."
"Always do, Mother!" He called after her retreating figure.
Just as she and Pietro turned the corner, Lizzie beat Lukas to the punch. "Alright, honey, give me details, start from the beginning. How was the car ride over? Were you guys able to keep in your pants until you got to the manor? What's he like? Gentle? Sensitive? Or is he more of a screw-you-til-you-scream kinda guy, a -"
"Murder Daddy, if you will. Does he live up to the name?" Tony wagged his eyebrows and Lizzie, Summer, and Sam did a double take at the nickname.
Sam asked incredulously, "Murder what?"
"Daddy. Murder Daddy," Tony deadpanned as if it was obvious, "Come on, Boss man is a total -"
"Nope, uh uh. Don't even finish that sentence, man," Sam put a hand up in sheer desperation. Meanwhile, Summer's head was spinning with the amount of times she had to hear that nickname in one sitting. As if she needed anything else to torture herself over at work.
"Woah, slow down," she interrupted. "One thing at a time. The car ride over was... tough, but yes we kept it in our pants."
"Thanks for that," Sam said, genuinely grateful his ears were spared.
Lukas leaned in again, "Tell me, what was the first thing he did once you two were finally alone?"
Summer fidgeted with her croissant as her face heated up once more, way too many blazingly hot memories running through her brain. "Uh... he..." she stuttered.
"Come on, out with it!" Lizzie exclaimed. Meanwhile Aemilia was just grinning and soaking it all in. Summer figured her friend would wait to ask for any details until she could do so in private. Thank God for her.
"Uh..." And before she could talk herself out of it, she let it out in one big breath, "He... he turned me around and pushed me up against the door and kissed down my neck as he pulled my dress off while he growled... things... in my ear." Then, to punctuate the sentence, she slapped a hand over her face in complete embarrassment.
Lizzie's eyes were about the size of saucers. "Good God."
Lukas grinned. "Good man."
Aemilia said nothing but the sparkle in her eyes said that Summer would have to go into great detail today at lunch.
Tony thought for a moment before nodding his head almost as if out of respect to Bucky.
And Sam just grabbed his plate and got up as he said, "Alright, before this gets anymore graphic, I'm gonna head off to work. Glad you had a good night, Marshmallow."
Lizzie then took the moment to lean over and whisper to Summer, "I do hope you guys were coherent enough to use birth control. You guys are married and all, but I doubt babies are not even close to being on the radar."
Summer's mug paused halfway to her lips as she processed that statement and all of the blood left her face in a moment of sudden panic. For some unexplainable reason, that hadn't even crossed her mind both last night and this morning, and clearly Bucky hadn't thought of it either. She supposed they really hadn't been coherent and were so caught up in everything that was said and had happened that birth control just...well, it just didn't happen. Thankfully Tony and Lukas were bickering about something so they were oblivious, but Aemilia immediately noticed her friend's subtly panicked expression and trained her ears to their conversation.
"Oh my God, we completely forgot," she stammered quietly. "We didn't... we didn't even..."
Before she could panic further, Aemilia evenly said, "It'll be completely fine, Summer. We can get it worked out during our long lunch break today, hmm?"
Summer's wide eyes met her friend's calming gaze from across the table, and she immediately felt her heart rate lessen. Letting out an audible breath, she nodded and smiled in thanks. Aemilia smiled back before exclaiming to the entire table, "Speaking of work, I believe we're all late."
And with that, most of the table began to scatter on cue. Lizzie walked by and gave Summer a kiss on the head before whispering that she expected more details later, and Lukas told Aemilia he'd be waiting for her outside before heading out himself. Summer plastered a smile on her face while still panicking inside, mentally calculating when her last cycle was and wondering if the previous night had fallen during a fertile period, and when were those anyway? She needed a date with Google and her lady doctor, stat.
"Really, darling," Aemilia said gently as Summer got to her feet, seeing her lingering panic in her features clear as day. "The chances of one slip up leading to anything is much smaller than you think. I know because of all the times Lukas and I didn't use anything, he's only knocked me up twice and that actually makes our statistics quite terrible."
Summer chuckled and nodded, trying to take some comfort in that. "Okay. I'll try to calm down. I just know that it does sometimes only take once, so..."
"Sometimes," Aemilia nodded. "But the odds are very much in your favor. So just try not to freak out too badly. Do you have a doctor in the city?" After Summer nodded, Aemilia said, "Text Wanda the name and have her set up an appointment sometime near lunch. I'll go with you. Then you can get on some lovely lady pills and start having as much carefree sex as you can handle."
Summer broke into a smile as she followed Aemilia out of the room. "You have such a way with words."
Aemilia flashed her a grin. "I really do, don't I?"
Summer's following morning at work was equal parts blissful, busy, and nerve wracking. She was grateful for how busy she was, however, because it saved her from obsessing too much and made the hours fly by quickly. The benefit the night before had been a smashing success, and overall it was a great day at work. Even better, before she knew it lunchtime had approached and so did Aemilia, ready to escort her uptown to the doctor and ease her mind.
The girls departed in the middle vehicle of a heavily armed caravan - Lukas and Bucky's orders ever since Aemilia's shooting. To anyone looking on, they were just three cars in the same lane, but in reality the cars were stocked with highly protective men and enough arms to handle a small army. Sam drove the girls' car and Thor took the passenger seat, and in the backseat Summer and Aemilia giggled and quietly got to have that talk they were so desperate to begin.
The talk was so riveting, in fact, that it continued on into the waiting room at the doctor's office, which was fairly empty at the time.
"... And he just... he was so gentle, but I kinda got the feeling that he was really having to control himself... you know?" Summer grinned, whispering under her breath and hoping that the receptionist some feet away didn't have supersonic hearing.
"Oh, I think I definitely know," Aemilia grinned back. "But that's wonderful. It sounds like he was making sure that he gave you the night of your life."
"He totally did," Summer sighed, still feeling like she was on cloud nine, or perhaps an entirely new cloud of a much higher number. "And like... he's so... vocal. It's incredibly hot. There aren't even words."
"Lukas is rather vocal also," Aemilia replied, blushing a bit. "Not that he screams his head off or anything." She paused and seemed to rethink that statement. "Well, he sort of has once or twice before."
Summer blinked and widened her eyes a little. "... He's literally screamed his head off? When? Why?"
Aemilia scratched behind her ear and smiled, blush deepening as she hesitated. "Ah... well, um..." She leaned in closer and dropped her voice lower. "Do you remember the... rather large object you stumbled across in our room?"
Summer gulped, face reddening and instantly growing almost painfully hot. "The... I can't even say it. The big golden..."
"Yes, that," Aemilia giggled. "Listen, all I'll say is that once you get the hang of it and start hitting the right spot, it's truly unlike anything else."
Summer stared at Aemilia, both mesmerized and embarrassed and trying not to picture what she was describing except oops too late, she was already there.
"Plus he was tied to the bed," Aemilia threw in as an extra detail, grin having turned into a smirk. "It was an incredible night. Our first wedding anniversary, actually."
Summer gulped again. "That's... one heck of an anniversary."
"Well, you know, he was my first," Aemilia replied. "And I was the first woman to ever have him in that way. He told me he had fantasies of it before we even slept together the first time."
... Summer's mind was quickly turning into pure mush. "He was your first? I didn't know that."
Aemilia smiled and nodded. "He was the first and only man I've ever found to make me want to give myself to him in that way. I'm glad I waited. I've never regretted it and I doubt I ever will."
Summer simply stared in awe at her friend, processing this new information before her phone buzzed in her lap and forced her back into reality and away from her brief but vivid thoughts of... well... all of that.
The text was from Bucky, a fact which alone made her heart skip a beat. She opened the message to find it consisting of a single word - Lunch?
She smiled and quickly started typing back. Oh man I'd love to but I already ate. I'm actually at a doctor's appointment right now. Sorry :(
His response came fast. Are you okay?
Yeah, fine, she replied. It's just I completely forgot about using any kind of birth control last night so I'm taking care of that now.
Then there was silence for all of 10 seconds before he called her. She showed Aemilia the incoming call and then stepped out, not really wanting to take the call in front of the receptionist. Once she was in the hallway, she answered it. "Hello?"
"I am so fucking sorry."
Just the sound of his voice across the phone line made Summer sigh and feel shivers race down her spine. She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes, smiling dreamily. "It's okay."
"No, it's fucking not," he replied, clearly very frustrated with himself. "Shit. I hope you don't think I'm one of those dicks who thinks it's the woman's job to take care of this, because I'm not, I swear. I was just... it didn't even enter my mind once."
"Me either, and trust me, I don't think that of you," Summer said, opening her eyes and shaking her head.
"I was just so caught up and... honestly just out of my fucking mind," he chuckled, voice lowering a little. "I couldn't think of anything beyond just... having you."
Her shivers became visible, impressive goosebumps all over. "Yeah. Yeah, no... same, trust me. I'm usually a lot more responsible. My mom said something at breakfast about it and I panicked. A lot."
Bucky groaned miserably. "I'm so sorry. I should have at least realized it this morning before we..." he trailed off and sighed. "I'm sorry."
She smiled. "It's okay. It was a fail on both our parts, but I'm taking care of it. It's not the end of the world. And last night was so beyond perfect, I don't want to let anything taint that."
"I don't either," he agreed. "I just feel so stupid."
"Me too, but... well. Things happen," she shrugged.
One very brief pause later, Bucky asked, "Do you remember what I told you last night, at the benefit?"
"You... uh... said a lot of things. Really big things," she chuckled. "So..."
"The thing about having you in my bed every night," he clarified. "I meant that."
Oh. Another shiver pleasantly wracking her bones, she leaned back against the wall again and smiled, "Good. I was hoping so."
"I'm gonna be out a little late tonight, probably won't make it for dinner so... I was hoping when I come home, I'd find you there."
Her smile grew. "In your room?"
"Yeah. I don't want you to give up your room," he said. "I don't expect you to give up your space and independence. And I don't want you to, either. But... if you want to leave a few things in my room... clothes, whatever, so you can stay the night with me... I'd like that."
"I can do that," Summer nodded, though he couldn't see the gesture. "Your bed is like... the most incredible bed ever."
She could hear the grin in his voice. "So you're just in it for the bed, huh?"
"Well... your shower's pretty nice, too," she teased, smiling like a moron.
"Right... you know, good girls tell the truth."
She almost whimpered on the spot. Before she could melt into a puddle of very turned on goo, the door to the office opened and Aemilia's head poked through it. "Doc's ready for you, darling."
"Okay," Summer nodded. "I gotta go. See you tonight?"
"Okay. Bye, sweetheart."
Her cheeks ached from how wide her smile was. "Bye."
She hung up and then followed Aemilia back inside, heading back towards where the nurse was waiting for her. "Good talk?" Aemilia asked with a smile.
"Good everything," Summer sighed, suddenly quite excited to get the appointment over with and be able to look forward to that night - and a lot more future nights - worry free. She and Aemilia shared another little smile, and then they disappeared down the little hallway towards the exam room.
She only hoped that the day continued to fly by so quickly now that she was so desperately looking forward to seeing her husband again.
Bucky hung up his phone and Natasha, sitting next to him in the car they were riding in, raised an amused eyebrow and repeated, "Good girls tell the truth, huh?"
He side eyed her but let a grin slip anyway as he checked his texts. "Last time I checked."
She grinned. "She's got some fun kinks, doesn't she?"
"A gentleman never tells," he said, skimming over no less than five new texts from the very excitable Lukas, who'd been harassing him nonstop all day as expected.
"Maybe not, but she's an open book. I bet she's fun," Natasha added. "Honestly, if she wasn't yours, I might have tried to seduce her myself."
Bucky blinked, those words taking a moment to sink in. Then he slowly turned his eyes on her and asked, "Are you just fucking with me?"
"Me?" she teased. "I would never. But you already imagined it, didn't you?"
Bucky sighed and looked away, not even bothering to deny it. Considering how well he knew both women and how intimately... his imagination could definitely run with that one if he let it.
"But it's all right. Her lady crush is for Aemilia, anyway. She's as gay for her as you are for Lukas."
"Did you put too much sugar in your coffee today?" Bucky asked dismissively as he tried again to focus on Lukas' string of texts.
"No, but Clint's away on a mission and my vibrator picked this week to die on me for good," she sighed.
"Don't you have like ten of those things?" he asked, but Natasha never got to answer as the car slowed to a halt and the door next to Bucky opened, revealing none other than Lukas hopping in from the curb in front of a cafe he'd been grabbing lunch at.
"Scoot, darling," he told Bucky, who grumbled and gave Lukas the stink eye as he unbuckled himself and moved to the middle of the backseat. Once Lukas had climbed in and settled, Bucky - not a particularly small human being - was squished between him and Natasha and made for a rather comical sight.
"How the hell did you know where we were?" Bucky asked, genuinely lost as to how Lukas literally flagged down their car in the middle of Manhattan.
"You act as if I haven't had a tracker on your phone for years," Lukas said casually.
Bucky narrowed his eyes. "You what?!"
"You know, it can come quite in handy when someone is, say, kidnapped and almost killed. And I occasionally use it for my own purposes of annoying the hell out of you."
Bucky paused. "... That explains a lot." He then squirmed slightly to try to make more room for himself and added, "You'd better make this quick because I'm giving you five blocks before I kick you back out."
"Oh, give me a break," Lukas rolled his eyes, patting Bucky's leg. "I wouldn't have had to ambush you like this if you had bothered to, oh I don't know, answer one of the 78 texts I've sent you over the course of the morning."
"I've been busy," Bucky replied, and it wasn't a lie. Not exactly, anyway.
"You are full of shit," Lukas deadpanned. "So, did you take my advice?"
"Advice?" Natasha repeated. "What advice? He still needs advice?"
"Well, it had been a very long time since he had made love to a lady, and I had to make sure he remembered how," Lukas explained.
"Oh. Fair enough," Natasha shrugged.
Bucky sighed like he was surrounded by the most annoying human beings on earth. "Yes, Lukas, I took your fucking advice. Fuck."
"Good, good," Lukas nodded. "So you kept the starving caveman at bay and showed her the sort of night that a woman like her deserves."
"... I did my best, trust me," Bucky replied. "She definitely seemed to..." He trailed off, mind flashing to some of the night's best and most overwhelming moments, forgetting what he was even talking about for a second. "She didn't complain."
"Oh, I know," Lukas grinned. "At breakfast this morning she was positively glowing. And walking with a very slight limp."
"Aw, and I missed it," Natasha sighed. "It would have been fun to tease her."
"Trust me, I got enough of that in for all of us," Lukas winked while Bucky shot him a slight glare.
"Please tell me you didn't embarrass her in front of everybody," Bucky said, his disapproval clear in his tone.
"It was nothing she's not more than used to, I assure you," Lukas replied. "I spared her the more detailed questions I could have asked, considering her mother was sitting right there. Though I don't think Lizzie would have minded. But Summer may have."
"Well, thanks for your discretion," Bucky said, somewhat sarcastically. Lukas saw right through this, however.
"You know," Lukas chuckled, "you are trying so desperately hard to cling to this grumpy facade of yours and yet I can see just by glancing at your eyes how unbearably happy you are right now."
And with that, Bucky's mask of indifference indeed slipped away and a smile - much as he tried to fight it - took its place. It was true, he was happy and he was in love and even he could only be so successful in pretending otherwise. And he wasn't sure that he wanted to pretend, anyway.
Natasha smiled and patted Bucky's shoulder, telling him sincerely, "It's good to see you happy for once."
"It is, isn't it?" Lukas agreed, also beaming with great approval upon his best friend.
Then Bucky chuckled a little and shook them both off. "Okay, okay. Jesus, you guys are smothering me."
"Get used to it," Lukas said, nudging his side that he was already smushed against. "Now that you and Summer are officially happy and in love, it's only a matter of time before Aemilia insists on a double date."
"Ooh!" Natasha piped up. "I can bring Clint and make it a triple date."
"The more the merrier," Lukas grinned while Bucky's expression became one of pure despair. "Just think of all the adorable little couple things you get to enjoy now."
"Oh God," Bucky muttered under his breath. What had he gotten himself into?
"Ah, well, this is my stop," Lukas said as the car stopped outside of Pierce Consolidated. "Have a lovely day, Natasha. And as for you, my dear James," he again patted Bucky's leg and shot him a wide smile. "I truly can't tell you how happy I am for you."
Bucky smiled back, unable to help himself. He really was happy too. It had been so long that happiness was a bizarre, foreign feeling, but damn did it feel good.
"Anyway," Lukas then chirped cheerfully, opening the door and sliding himself out of the car smoothly. "Off I go. And no more ignoring my texts, James."
"Fuck off," Bucky replied, to which Lukas grinned and then shut the car door. Bucky rolled his eyes and then returned to his original seat, taking a deep breath and trying to wipe the smile off of his face. The problem was, he just couldn't honestly seem to do it fully.
He checked the time on his phone and wanted to groan. It was entirely too long until he could get home and get back home to the woman who was entirely responsible for the smile on his face and the happiness taking root in his heart.
Once Summer left the doctor's office with a new prescription and further assurances that her chances of the previous night's slip-up leading to something dire were quite small, the rest of her day passed by remarkably smoothly. She went back to the office and cheerfully executed her duties, so cheerfully that Esteban eyed her with mild alarm and Darcy was in physical pain from how much effort it took to remain professional, considering it wasn't especially hard to guess why the boss was so chipper.
Summer didn't care. In fact, she was in such a good mood that she let everyone go home early and practically floated back home herself. But that didn't stop her from briefly falling into a pit of anxiety later on.
After dinner, which was thankfully a quiet and far less noisy affair than breakfast, Summer headed to her room and decided to start the process of figuring out what to move into Bucky's room. She started grabbing the basics - clothes, phone charger, half of the contents of her bathroom - and figured that she could always come back for more if she had to. After all, a mere ten second walk separated their rooms, and for a moment she wondered if it was silly to maintain separate rooms at all if she was going to be staying with him most nights.
But she quickly shot down her own thought, shaking her head and reminding herself that they'd only just kissed and slept together for the first time the night before. Even though the relationship had been building for what felt like ages now, it was actually still quite new and there was no need to rush into things.
But that thought led to a mild panic attack once she stepped inside his room with her things in tow. She flipped on his lights and suddenly felt overwhelmed and a little apprehensive as she looked around, not used to being in Bucky's space without him present, and to her surprise it made her feel rather small and almost out of her depth.
It was a fabulous moment for the whole you're madly in love with a ruthless and highly lethal mob boss thing to rear its ugly head harder than it ever had before. She left her things near the door and took a seat on his couch as she dropped her head into her hands and tried not to spiral too quickly too far.
The thing was, she had been in so deep for so long by now that any sense of normalcy had long since faded to a mere whisper in the back of her head, but occasionally that whisper rose to a dull roar that she couldn't ignore. She loved everyone in the manor so much, couldn't imagine her life without them and couldn't imagine ever turning back now, but the fact remained that she was directly in the middle of a highly criminal enterprise populated by people who all had a laundry list of crimes attached to them ranging from murder to kidnapping to embezzlement and simple theft. Many of them committed these crimes on a daily basis, and her husband probably had the longest list of sins of any of them. Director Carter at SHIELD had said as much.
Trying to keep breathing, Summer slid off of the couch and down to the floor, closing her eyes and holding her head as she reminded herself that she was not, in fact, dying and that she'd feel better in a few minutes. It wasn't even so much the criminal nature of it all that bothered her - though her ambivalence might have been concerning on its own - but it was the fact that, should Carter and SHIELD end their deal with the Bratva and stop protecting them, the FBI would likely raid the manor and Pierce Consolidated so fast her head would spin. Hell, she'd probably be led away in cuffs right next to Bucky. She was a killer now too, after all.
Nobody seemed too worried about any of this, at least not outwardly, but she had to wonder if she was the only one with these sorts of thoughts. Then again, maybe it was just the new level of commitment between herself and Bucky and the fact that their marriage wasn't just for show anymore thoroughly freaking her out and taking her back to those early days of actually viewing marrying into the mob as something horrible and life-ending.
But as it had turned out, it wasn't horrible and it hadn't ended her life. Everything was good - so, so good - so why was she sitting on the floor panicking like a prisoner headed to the guillotine?
Once she had regained her normal breathing pattern and her heart rate dropped from sky high to merely elevated, she opened her eyes and leaned her head back as the answer became blindingly clear. She was panicking because, despite her best efforts otherwise, she was still human and she was still in an extremely complicated situation that she hadn't chosen for herself.
But she had chosen to stay. She had chosen to love Bucky and pursue him, to snake her way through his walls and take them apart no matter what it took. She hadn't come to the manor of her own free will, but she did stay of just that.
If it meant she was crazy, she supposed there were worse things to be. Maybe her story was less Cinderella and more Beauty and the Beast, or some dark retelling of the two. Or perhaps, more likely, her story was her own and the ending certainly wasn't set in stone by any stretch of the imagination.
She couldn't see that far, anyway. One day at a time was all that she could handle, and keeping that in mind, she eventually got back to her feet and returned to the task at hand. It was never fun getting up and shaking off a panic attack, but she was nothing if not experienced in that regard. Usually, for her, staying busy and occupying her mind with something was the best way to get eventually feeling better, so she headed to the door where she'd left her things and picked them back up. Now to figure out where to store it all.
Bucky didn't seem particularly meticulous about his room and was by all accounts rather laid back when it came to that, so she hoped he wouldn't mind the mild reorganization of his bathroom and other light touches that she left throughout his space. She saved her clothes for last, and when she approached his dresser, she couldn't help but feel a little apprehensive about skimming through the drawers to find an empty one. After what she'd found in Lukas and Aemilia's dresser... one could hardly blame her.
But as it turned out, he wasn't harboring any alarmingly huge sex toys or X-rated photo albums, to her relief (and maybe mild disappointment). Most of his drawers were full of, appropriately, clothes and that was about it, at least until she got to one on the left side of the middle row. She opened it and peeked inside and went to close it before pausing and opening it a little further.
There were no clothes in that particular drawer, but rather an old yearbook and some papers, a few aged looking books, and underneath all of that, a bundle of photos tied with a rubber band. Curiosity getting the best of her, she nudged aside a book that was partially covering the photos and then felt her heart drop at the sight of who was in the very first one.
She recognized the sweet, pretty face and the soft red hair in an instant, even though she'd only seen the woman once before for a fleeting moment in an old video. In the picture she and Bucky were dressed up, maybe for a party or some other event, and they were both smiling and so obviously smitten and happy that it made Summer's heart lurch. Bucky's hair was so much shorter, his face younger and his entire countenance unbelievably lighter.
She wouldn't dare reach in and pick up the pictures to look through them - she felt bad enough that she'd seen them at all - but in the end it didn't matter. Bucky was standing right behind her and she didn't even know it.
"That was 2001. Couple weeks before 9/11."
Summer gasped and jumped and flailed and shoved the drawer shut so quickly and so hard that a few of the framed photos on top fell over. She quickly set them back up, face reddening at a rapid pace and guilt setting in as she turned around and started sputtering, "I wasn't trying to snoop, I swear. I'd never intrude on something like that. I was just trying to find a drawer that wasn't as full and -"
"I know," he assured her, tone gentle as his hands went to her shoulders comfortingly. "Relax. I asked you to move some of your stuff in. I figured you might come across those."
She breathed a sigh of relief and some of the tension left her shoulders. "You're not mad?"
"No," he shook his head. "It would take a lot more than that to make me mad at you."
She closed her eyes in sheer relief and then let him pull her into a hug. Her cheek to his chest, she murmured, "How the heck did I not even hear you come in?"
He smirked and then cupped her jaw, tilting her head up towards his. "You'll never hear me coming."
"That's terrifying," she replied before his lips were on hers, taking her breath away in mere seconds. It just might have been the best feeling on all the earth, and she wondered how she'd survived all of these years without it.
By the time he pulled away, she was already in a pleasant daze and her horror of the previous few moments was all but gone. She smiled up at him and he smiled back, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear before asking, "Where's your stuff?"
"Oh," she nodded, "on the bed."
He nodded back and then reached past her, opening a drawer and pulling out the contents and shoving them in another drawer. Then he said, "You can use this one. And if you need more, my closet's fucking huge."
"Okay," she smiled. Then she walked the small distance to the bed and grabbed her stack of clothes, and after she had deposited them into the drawer - her drawer, she thought more giddily than she would have expected - Bucky surprised her by what he did next.
For a moment, he seemed to debate what he was about to do. She would understand the hesitation a few seconds later, when he opened the drawer with the bundle of photos in it and pulled it out, then began walking to the couch while pulling the rubber band off of them.
She stood there in nothing short of shock for a moment. Was he really going to show those pictures to her, voluntarily opening up to her about one of the worst tragedies in his life?
She got her answer when he sat down and glanced up at her, a glint of vulnerability in his eyes that she had only seen before during moments where Vivian's memory had been involved. She wasted no time in getting to the couch, sitting next to him and looking at him cautiously as he took a breath and gazed down at the pictures in his hands.
"You don't... have to talk about her," she reminded him quietly. "You don't owe me anything when it comes to... anything like that."
He smiled a little sadly and looked at her. "Yeah I do."
She shook her head. "Bucky, I -"
"I handled what happened in the worst way a person can," he interrupted gently. "I know that. I always knew that, I just didn't care. I stopped caring about anything. I let it destroy me for so long... and the thing is, I just... it fucking terrifies me but I don't want to hide anything from you anymore."
Those words surprising her and making her heart flutter a little bit, Summer was quick to reply, "Okay. I just don't want you to feel pressured or feel like you have to talk about anything you don't want to. I'm not going anywhere either way."
He nodded, though that sad little smile returned as his eyes fell back to the pictures. "I want to believe that."
"You should," Summer replied. "Because it's the truth."
He took a deep breath, still avoiding her gaze. "I still think you'll leave someday. And I wouldn't blame you."
"... Well, I'm not," she said with full conviction. "Unless you send me away."
That made his eyes flicker to hers. "That's never gonna happen."
"Then there's nothing to worry about," she smiled. He let out a deep breath and looked away, putting the issue behind them for now as he turned his attention back to the pictures. She did as well, scooting a little closer to him to get a better look as he moved the top photo aside to reveal another.
"This was at a concert," he said of a picture of he and Vivian smiling in front of a mostly dark background. "One of her favorite bands. I surprised her with tickets over dinner and she lost her shit."
"Aw," Summer smiled. "That's incredibly sweet."
"... I tried," he shrugged, moving to the next one. It was a picture of him snuggled up in bed alone, absolutely knocked out and his mouth open, looking so young Summer's jaw dropped. "Pretty sure this was after a night of drinking. She always stopped before she'd get wasted but I was still learning my limits. That might have been the time she said she had to literally carry me home."
Summer giggled, listening intently as he flipped to the next picture. Before he went any further, she asked, "There's no, like... naked pictures in here, is there, because -"
"No," he assured her, shaking his head for emphasis. "Definitely not. She would have cut my balls off if I'd tried to pull anything like that."
"Okay," Summer laughed. "Just making sure."
"Yeah. She was pretty conservative. Not boring or uptight or anything. Just... more than anyone else I knew at that age, she knew who she was and what she wanted. She was a lot more mature than I was in some ways. Still don't know what she really saw in me."
"I have a few ideas," Summer smiled, giving him a gentle nudge. He briefly smiled back at her before getting back to the photos.
Each one seemed to carry a story of its own, most thankfully rather happy. There were pictures of Vivian singing on stage, dressed for various roles and looking every bit like the budding star that she had been. Bucky described her voice at Summer's request, still remembering it strikingly well though he hadn't heard it in many years. He spoke of her wistfully and sadly, but there was no doubt in Summer's mind that while Bucky had been with her, he had been a very happy man. She wondered if it had been the first time in his life that he'd ever been truly happy.
But as the pictures told their story, Bucky also spoke of the slow erosion of their otherwise happy relationship - how Vivian had caught on that something wasn't quite right with him, how he hadn't been able to hide his violent side when an idiot at a party had harassed her. There was no big implosion or sudden end to their relationship, but rather Vivian putting together the various puzzle pieces and coming to the conclusion that Bucky was a part of something terrible that she just couldn't live with.
Holding the last picture that had ever been taken of the two of them, Bucky stared at it and explained, "She came over one night to talk and... I couldn't give her the answers she wanted. She knew - she knew I was in the mob. Never said the words, but she didn't have to. And that scared the hell out of her." He swallowed. "I scared the hell out of her. I begged her to stay, to just wait and... let me explain, even though I knew I couldn't. But nothing helped. I couldn't stop her. She couldn't love someone like me and I couldn't blame her. Still don't." He cleared his throat. "You know what happened next."
"... I'm so sorry," Summer said quietly, the sequence of events simply unfathomable. To lose the woman he loved in such a horrible way after her having walked out on him and leading him to think himself an unlovable and terrifying monster - she could hardly blame him for the dark path that he then took in life. Not that she blamed Vivian for leaving, either. It was just a perfect storm of tragedy and horror.
"I had to ID her at the hospital," Bucky said, gaze drifting off in the distance. "I went numb after that. Probably broke with reality a little bit too, I don't know. After her funeral I just focused on getting revenge."
"On the drunk driver?"
Bucky nodded. "He was a nobody. No family, no kids, nothing. Lukas helped me get into the hospital he was recovering at. He was the second man I killed in my life. First one that I wanted to kill." He paused and then added, "I've never felt remorse a day in my life for what I did to him."
While that statement might have been alarming to most people, Summer wasn't most people and could understand why he felt the way that he did. Some idiot drunk driver taking the life of an innocent young woman who had her whole life ahead of her and infinite potential, with family and friends - and Bucky - who loved her... Bucky's sin of revenge was certainly lesser than the driver's in Summer's eyes.
"After that I just... shut down. Got through school on autopilot. Barely talked to anyone, even Steve or Lukas. Then came home after I graduated and told Pierce I wanted to prove myself and start going on missions. Made a name for myself."
She recalled Sam's explanation of why Bucky was known as the Winter Soldier. Even now, it sent not entirely pleasant shivers down her spine.
"First mission I led was when I was captured," he said, setting the pictures aside as he continued the unpleasant traipse down memory lane. "I thought I was the sickest bastard in the world until I went through what they did to me. Steve went against SHIELD orders and coordinated with Pierce and Lukas and led a rescue mission once he figured out where I was. Probably would have been dead if he hadn't gotten there when he had. Still almost died in the hospital."
Her eyes widened. "Really?"
He took a breath and nodded. "They barely saved my arm, but that was just part of it. Infections, internal bleeding, brain injury - name it and I had it. Took weeks for the doctors to start acting optimistic. But by then I didn't really want to live."
It broke Summer's heart to hear the story in such detail, especially after seeing so many pictures of Bucky so young and happy. She didn't believe that he deserved an ounce of what he had endured in his lifetime, but knowing Bucky, he'd likely disagree.
"Once I got home I still had to do physical therapy to get my strength back, so Pierce put me to work at the company and sidelined me from missions until I was back in shape."
"You wanted to go back on missions?" she asked incredulously. He merely shrugged.
"Once I was back in the field I kept my job, split my time between both. Couple years later he made me Captain," he said, effectively finishing the story and turning to Summer.
"And that's what you wanted? This is all what you wanted?" she asked.
"The job is a pain in the ass," he admitted. "Most of the recruits I train disgust me and I'll always have to deal with certain higher ups not trusting me and being assholes because I'm not Russian. And as you know," he added, "they can even dictate who I marry."
"Yeah," she said quietly. She would always wish that she and Bucky had come together under much, much different circumstances.
"But this is my family. Only one I've ever had since mine was killed. I'll do anything for them, anything to protect them." He paused and looked her in the eye. "I'll do anything to protect you."
Those words bringing warmth to her heart and thawing it after the beating it had taken during their talk, she smiled and reached for his hand. Linking their fingers together, she replied, "I know. And no matter what you think of yourself, I think you're a good man. Just... one who's been to hell and back and has the scars to prove it."
He glanced down at their hands. "That's a very... poetic way of saying I'm a monster."
She shook her head. "I've known monsters. I was almost hurt by one in this house. You're no monster."
His eyes met hers, and he didn't say anything back to that. He didn't have to. She knew he might never quite agree with her, but she'd sure as hell keep trying so long as there was breath in her lungs.
After that, she made the conscious effort to salvage the night and hopefully cheer him up a bit following the unexpected soul baring. Knowing he missed dinner, she had staff bring food for him that he ate while she chatted with him and kept the topics deliberately light and as non-depressing as possible. To her relief, it seemed to work and she even got him to laugh a few times in the process. Before she knew it, the night was growing quite late and if she didn't want to be a zombie at work the next day, she needed to get to bed.
Bucky put the pictures back the drawer Summer had found them in, and they each took turns getting ready for bed. Bucky was already comfortable under the sheets by the time Summer emerged from the bathroom, clad in a short black lace nightgown that she'd had buried in her things for a long time but never felt like wearing until now. Sleeping in nightgowns wasn't really her thing, but since the chances were considerable that it wouldn't stay on... she figured it was a good choice.
Most of the lights out already, she quietly made her way to her side of the bed and crept under the covers, glancing over to check if Bucky was still awake. He was, of course, and watching her with a hint of a smile on his face.
"What?" she smiled back, happily accepting when he invited her closer to him by holding out his arm. She snuggled up to his side and he shifted towards her, his other hand resting on her hip as he shook his head a little and grinned down at her.
"Nothing," he said, gently tracing the fabric's lacy patterns atop her hipbone and watching his fingers work. A moment of silence passed before he murmured quietly, "Guess I just keep expecting you to disappear every time you leave the room. Always surprised when you come back."
Summer sighed and reached up, this time directing him to look at her as he had with her so many times before. "Listen... as crazy as everything is, I knew what I was getting into with you from the beginning. I don't have blinders on and I'm not sticking my head in the sand. I know who you are and what you do and what you've done, and I still want to be here."
"But you wouldn't have chosen it for yourself," Bucky said. "You would have left like she did, if we'd met the same way."
"I don't know what I would have chosen," Summer replied honestly, "but it doesn't matter because I chose to stay here. I could have left and never looked back but I didn't. I don't want to keep proving to you over and over that I'm not her, but I will if that's the only way I can convince you."
He shook his head and let out a soft sigh. "I don't want you to do that either. I'm sorry. I'm just... my head's still all fucked up from all of that."
Summer nodded understandingly. "It's okay. You know what helps though? Therapy." Bucky made a face, and Summer smiled and added, "Seriously. It might seem silly to you but it really can make all the difference. And I don't know if I can... fix all of this on my own. I don't want you to constantly doubt how I feel or expect me to run away when things get hard. I want to make you happy but I'm afraid I really can't if I'm always trying to... kind of compete with a ghost. You know?"
He nodded, expression growing a little bit pained. "I don't want that either. S'not fair to you."
"Or to you," she pointed out. "But like I keep saying... I know what I'm getting into. I want to be here. I want to be with you. I'll do whatever I have to to make it work. You just... you've gotta help me."
He nodded again, meeting her gaze. "I will."
She smiled. "Good. Because I just realized you're naked under here and I completely lost my train of thought."
Bucky's mouth curled into a grin and he let out a laugh at that unexpected sentence. She giggled too, and the next thing she knew they were kissing while still smiling like idiots.
"I always sleep naked," he told her when he pulled away, fingers trailing through her hair.
"I... did not know that, but now I do," she giggled again.
"Only time I've worn clothes to bed is when you stayed here before," he replied. "I didn't wanna scare you away, so..."
"I don't know if scaring me is exactly what you would have done, but... I appreciate it?"
He grinned and kissed her again, and she let herself melt against him. He was so big, warm and just perfect, and she couldn't help but wind her leg around his hip and press herself against him as the kiss deepened. He happily held her closer, his arm around her hips and body responding beautifully to just that small, innocent amount of contact. She could feel it and giggled into the kiss as a result, and Bucky replied by tightening his grip on her and rolling them, placing her on top of him and breaking their kiss.
Hands on his chest, she bit her lip and smiled a little shyly down at him while his hands slid up her thighs and underneath her nightgown. He grinned back but then asked quite seriously, "Is everything... is it safe? Did the doctor give you..."
"Oh, yeah!" she assured him. "Yeah, that's all squared away."
"Does it need time to... build up in your system or..."
Summer's smile grew. "No. You're free to do whatever you want to me."
He raised one of his eyebrows in both amusement and slight surprise. "Whatever I want, huh?"
"Well, within reason," she replied, happily letting him pull the nightgown over her head and toss it away. She was topless underneath, something his hands quickly took advantage of.
"Within reason," he repeated thoughtfully, caressing and squeezing gently and making her arch a little into his touch. "So what if... I want you to crawl up here and sit on my face and ride it til you make a fucking mess on it?"
Her face went from normal to unbearably burning red in less than two full seconds. "Um... well... I -"
"You'd do that for me, right? You'd be a good girl and give me what I want?"
She was speechless. Not only did she forget how English worked, but she was so profoundly terrified by the proposition that she had no idea how she even wanted to answer. In theory... good Lord did she want to, but...
He sat up when it became clear he'd reduced her to little more than a gaping fish. Smiling at her affectionately as she continued to flounder, he sweetly traced her cheekbone and murmured, "You know what else is part of being a good girl? Telling me when you're not ready for something."
Her shoulders sagged in relief. "Oh thank God. I just - I've never done that before and -"
"You don't have to explain anything to me," he assured her. "Ever. And you don't ever have to even consider doing something you're not comfortable with. Remember your traffic light idea? What would that have been, just now?"
She thought for a moment. "Yellow." Not a never, just a not right now.
He nodded, leaning in and kissing her sweetly before trailing his lips closer to her ear. "Now what if I lay you back and ask you to let me hear every single sweet little noise that tries to leave that pretty mouth of yours? And I promise to only stop when you tell me to? Can you give me a color?"
She smiled and replied almost a little dreamily, "Green. Like, super green."
He grinned and then moved them both, picking her up and depositing her on her back underneath him. They shared a little smile and then he was kissing her neck and she was closing her eyes, relishing the closeness between them and each kiss, each touch, each press of his weight on hers as he trailed his mouth ever lower, sweet little words of praise leaving his lips and making her entire body tremble.
She was so far gone by the time that he finally made it there she was already nearly coming apart at the seams by the first touch. He was so beyond perfect, everything she could ever want in a man and more, and his patience and understanding and respect for her only made her fall even deeper for him.
Given how determined he was to take his time and thoroughly demolish her, it seemed that she would most likely be a zombie at work the next day after all. But that was perfectly fine with her, because being an incredibly happy, loved, treasured and exquisitely satisfied zombie was a fate she would gladly and happily accept.