Raffled Feathers
TaleSpin and its characters are the property of Disney/Buena Vista and are used without permission. All other characters are mine and cannot be used without permission.
Higher for Hire
Baloo and Kit's Bedroom
Bright morning sunlight streamed through the open window, illuminating the blind that was alternately being blown around by the warm ocean breeze and Baloo's hearty snores.
Suddenly, Baloo and Kit were jolted awake when they heard a blast of rousing marching band music accompanied by...
"Step right up, ladies and, uh, gent...gent...gentlemen! Yeah, gentlemen." Wildcat's halting, megaphoned voice drifted up through the window. "For only one dollar, you have a chance of winning Cape Suzette's best pile of...um..."
"Pilot!" Rebecca snapped impatiently from the office.
"Oh, pilot for a day. Buy raff...riff-raff...ruff...?"
Rebecca, louder than any megaphone, shouted, "Raffle!"
"Raffle!" Wildcat laughed happily. "I get it now, Miz Cunningham. Buy raffle tickets here at Higher for Hire."
"What?" Baloo and Kit exclaimed. Both bears sprang from their beds and stuck their heads out the window.
"Wildcat, what in the Sam-hill are ya doin'?" Baloo hollered.
Higher for Hire's ace mechanic glanced from the piece of paper and megaphone he was holding to the record player. Finally, he looked up at Baloo and shrugged. "I dunno. Miz Cunningham went 'knock, knock' on my door this morning and handed me this megaphone and this piece of paper and said," he mimicked his boss' voice, "'Wildcat, you say these words written on this piece of paper into this megaphone until you're blue in the face' and so I am. Is my face blue yet? It feels more like red to me. Step right up, ladies and gentlemen..."
Slumping back on his bed, 'Cape Suzette's best pilot' growled, "Just when ya thought that ditzy dame couldn't get any dottier, she comes up with a doozy like this."
"I heard that," Rebecca said from the doorway, her arms crossed.
"Eep!" Baloo dove under the covers.
Kit shook his head in disbelief. In the short time he'd known Baloo, he'd seen him fearlessly fight pirates, gangsters, and other assorted bad guys. The twelve-year-old thought it was ironic that their petite boss had the ability to make the big bear so nervous.
"What's Wildcat talking about, Miz Cunningham? You're raffling Baloo off?"
"Just for the day, Kit. It's my latest idea to get Higher for Hire some free publicity and make some extra money. We could make hundreds, maybe even thousands of dollars!" Her brown eyes sparkled at the thought. "Who wouldn't jump at the chance to win a pilot for a day?"
Baloo threw back the blankets and leaped from the bed. Towering over his boss, he glared down at her. "Of all the cockamamie ideas you've had to make a buck, lady, this has gotta be the cockamamie-est. What if...?"
"Don't worry. Nothing will go wrong." Rebecca gave him a placating pat on the cheek, causing his scowl to fade a little. "This is a FAB-ulous idea! Now, hurry up, you two. You have a delivery to make."
When she was out of earshot, Baloo muttered to Kit, "I'm most worried when she tells me not to worry."
Later...
The Sea Duck's nose gently nudged the weather-beaten dock as its propellers came to a stop. Baloo and Kit, alighting from the yellow seaplane, were surprised to see such a large crowd clustered in front of Higher for Hire.
"Gosh, Baloo, look at all these people, and they're all here to win you."
"Lucky me," the big bear sighed.
"Baloo, come over here. You're just in time for the drawing," Rebecca said, carrying a fishbowl that was full of raffle ticket stubs. She climbed on top of a crate so she could be seen by everyone. With a flourish of her hand, she announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, here he is, the greatest pilot in Cape Suzette, Baloo!"
Amidst the scattered applause, Baloo uneasily scanned the crowd. One of these people would hold his life in their hands for a day. What would it be? A joyride to Lake Flaccid? A jaunt to Mount Neverrest? Or would it be...he cringed...a tour of the city?
Nervously, he watched as Rebecca put her hand into the fishbowl, gave it a stir, and pulled out a slip of paper.
"Number sixty-two!" the petite bearess's voice rang out. "Sixty-two!"
At that, a voluptuous vixen made her way towards them.
Baloo's eyes lit up. "Hey, hey! For once, Becky, your cockamamie idea wasn't so..."
The vixen murmured something in Rebecca's ear to which she replied, "Bathroom's up the stairs. First door."
His face registering major disappointment, Baloo heard a no-nonsense voice say...
"I have sixty-two."
Without warning, he found himself being dragged through the crowd by a young woman of bird persuasion. She had a long, thin body perched on long, thin legs, a long, thin beak and long, thin fingers that had his arm in a vice-like grip.
"Whoa! Hey, feather your props, lady! Becky, I'm gonna get you for this!" he shouted over his shoulder as the woman pulled him into the Sea Duck's cockpit.
"Get the lead out, tubby! Let's go, go, go!" she ordered, settling into the navigator's seat.
"Go where?" Baloo said, scowling. He didn't like the moniker of 'tubby', especially from a stranger. "And just who are you?"
She removed a notepad and a pen from the pocket of her well-tailored pinstripe suit. "Isabella Gull-Friday, but everyone calls me Iz."
"Iz Gull-Friday?" he echoed wonderingly as he started up the plane and taxied it away from the dock.
Her astute eyes gave him a swift appraisal. "I can see you're not the academic type," she said wryly. "I'm a reporter for the Tribune after a big scoop in Canine Creek, and we've got to beat Archie Leak to it."
As the Sea Duck took off and soared through the cliff opening, Baloo asked, "Uh, don't you need a plumber, not a scoop, to fix a leak?"
"You're kidding, right?" Iz looked up from her notepad and quirked an eyebrow. "Archie Leak is the only the biggest blabbermouth in the newspaper industry. His motto is: Leak leaks the news first. But this time he'll be all washed up. Put the pedal to the medal, flyboy." She pushed the throttle up as far as it would go, causing the engines to shake dangerously.
"Hey, are you crazy, lady?" He pushed the throttle back to a safer speed, muttering under his breath, "I'm gonna get Becky for this..."
A Little While Later...
The Sea Duck was buzzed by another, faster plane.
"Chase them! Pass them!" Iz shouted, straining forward in her seat as if she could make the plane go faster.
Baloo goosed the twin Superflight 100 engines and easily drew up beside the sleek, white airplane. Blazoned across the fuselage in black newspaper-like font was "Cape Suzette Tribune". It was flown by a panther who was dressed more like a chauffeur than a pilot. Through one of the large rear windows, an urbane-looking leopard was visible.
Picking up the microphone, Iz said sarcastically, "Look what the cat dragged in. Archie Leak."
The Tribune's star reporter tipped his hat to her then replied smugly over the radio, "The most famous byline in town whereas you're lucky if you get a single line printed, Dizzy Izzy."
"Isabella to you, and I'm going to beat you to the scoop this time."
"And miss this golden opportunity? I don't think so."
Then an unexpected and unwelcome voice joined the radio conversation. "Did I hear someone mention gold? That is my favorite color of all the times, you know."
Spotting a pack of air pirate fighters led by Don Karnage's tri-wing terror in his rear-view mirror, Baloo groaned, "Air pirates. Swell. Thanks, Becky. Your FAB-ublous idea just keeps gettin' better and better."
"Hand over the gold and no one will get hurt...much." Karnage unleashed a round of machine gun fire on the two planes.
As the bullets pinged off the seaplane, the female reporter bravely said into the microphone, "You can't bully us. We don't have any gold."
"I think that I can, and I think that you do."
Archie Leak, the reporter who had seen it all, seemed bored by the pirate attack. Through a yawn, he said, "I'll tell you where the gold is."
Karnage stopped firing long enough to say, "I am listening up with the ears. Where is it?"
"In that yellow jalopy, of course."
Baloo hated anyone who insulted 'his baby'. Snatching the mike from Iz, he shouted, "Why, you dirty so-and-so, I oughta..."
Archie Leak smirked and waved as he and his chauffeur made their quick getaway.
The pirate planes descended on the Sea Duck like vultures on carrion.
Baloo, preparing to take evasive action, instructed the note-taking Iz, "Hang on to your kneecaps, lady. This is gonna get rough."
"The rougher the better. This is material for a front-page story!"
In a singsong voice, Karnage said, "Stop playing the games with me, Baloo, and give me the gold."
Suddenly, a very deep and kind of stupid voice came over the radio. "I like games."
A stupider voice chimed in with, "I like games, too. Especially Parcheesi."
As a red, heavily armed plane approached the Sea Duck's starboard side, the familiar voice of Trader Moe snapped, "Yer both cheesy! Why are yas gabbin' about games when there's gold to be grabbed?"
"Becky's idea keeps getting fabulouser and fabulouser," Baloo groaned.
Furiously scribbling notes about the exciting turn of events, Iz asked, "Who are they?"
"Trader Moe and his goofy goons. Moe's got half a stature and his goons got half a brain between 'em."
As the pirates tightened their circle around the Sea Duck, Karnage snapped, "That is my gold. Mine! Mine! Mine!"
"Ooo..." Trader Moe sneered, "Is da big, bad wolf throwin' a hissy fit?"
"I will show you a hissing fit! Men, attack!"
"Which one?" Mad Dog whined, looking from the Sea Duck to Trader Moe's plane.
Dumptruck added, "Yeah, Cap'n, which one?"
"The insulting one, you nin-com pirates!"
As the bullets flew through the cockpit, Rhino Goon said slowly, "Boss, he just called you insulting."
"Yeah, insulting," Ape Goon echoed. Flicking a smashed bullet off his rock-solid head like anyone else would flick a mosquito, he asked, "Uh, what's insulting?"
"Havin' ta put up with peach pits like youse." Whacking the two goons with his bullet-pocked hat, he screamed, "What are ya sittin' dere for? Shoot back at 'em!"
"Right, boss," the goons said in unison.
Pulling back on the stick to get the seaplane above the range of gun and cannon fire, Baloo said, "Let's get outta here while the getting's good."
"On to Canine Creek and the big scoop!" Iz said, waving her notebook victoriously.
Near Canine Creek...
Thanks to Cape Suzette's best pilot, the Sea Duck landed mere moments after the Tribune's plane in the wheat fields surrounding the tiny rural town of Canine Creek.
Iz and Baloo jumped from the seaplane and hit the ground running.
When they caught up with her colleague who was confidently sauntering down one of the two streets in town, Iz proposed, "Can't we work out some kind of compromise, Leak? Share the byline for this one?"
Archie Leak scoffed, "You know I've got this story in the bag, Iz, so you should just...mmm-hmm!" His retort trailed off into a muffled shout as a burlap sack was thrown over his head.
"Looks like he's the one in the bag," Baloo stated.
"Don't worry, Leak! I've got this story all wrapped up," Iz laughed.
Glancing over their shoulders as they continued to hurry down the street, Baloo and Iz saw two feline heavies in expensive suits carrying the bundled up, struggling Archie Leak towards a black car.
"Our boss would like a few words with you over some pictures you printed of him in his bathrobe, right, Garth?" the larger of the two men said as they shoved the squirming reporter into the backseat.
"Right, Gus. And when the boss isn't happy, nobody's happy. How much do you like your knees?"
Baloo and Iz breathlessly skidded around a corner and ran into the center of town just in time to hear the mayor of Canine Creek wrapping up his lengthy speech. "And that is why, thanks to the generous donations made by our wonderful citizens, ours is bigger than the one over at Woolytown."
All the Canine Creek residents spit on the ground when they heard the name of their rival town.
"Gentlemen, do your thing."
A sheet was pulled off the statue in the middle of the town square, revealing a big cement scoop.
"Amazing!" Iz exclaimed, scribbling furiously on her notepad.
"The big scoop is a...big scoop?" Baloo said incredulously. "All this who-ha over an overgrown kitchen utensil?"
"And thanks to this story, I'll finally get the promotion I deserve. I have to find a phone and call my editor. By the way, you should tell your boss that she was right about you. You really are the best pilot in Cape Suzette."
His expression grew dark. "That ain't exactly what I was planning on tellin' her..."
Later That Evening...
Baloo angrily burst into Higher for Hire where Rebecca was happily counting the piles of money on her desk.
"Do you wanna know where your FAB-ulous idea landed yours truly, Rebecca?" he said, slamming his palms down on her desk. "Pirates, gangsters..."
Tidying up a stack of cash and completely ignoring her pilot's irate expression, she said, "That's old news, Baloo, from the front page of this evening's edition of the Tribune. A very sensational story, if you can believe half of what those reporters write. I'm still not sure what's so important about the statue of a scoop, but the free publicity for Higher for Hire is wonderful. The money will start rolling in. Everything worked out so well, maybe I should raffle you off again. Hey!" she yelled as he grabbed two fistfuls of cash. "Where are you going with that money?"
"I'm gonna get my own big scoops at Louie's." Before Baloo slammed the door, he said, "And maybe while I'm there, I'll raffle off one feather-brained boss!"
The End