XXI.

Bucky woke up around 10 am. The last time he slept that long must have been before he enlisted. His mind was still foggy from the sleeping pills and he entangled himself from the blankets. He stretched his muscles and got out of bed. He slept through the whole fireworks, he didn't think he would have noticed if a bomb went off in the house. He got out of his room and listened for Steve and Natasha hoping they would have already made breakfast because he was starving.

Everything was silent downstairs. Maybe they were still asleep, who knew when they finally went to sleep last night. He was about to go downstairs to start breakfast and hoped he would be quiet enough to not wake up Natasha who he assumed was still asleep on the couch.

He heard a groan and a whimper from Steve's room. Was he hurt? Did something happend to them? He was so out, he could have missed an attack.

He opened the door to Steve's bedroom, careful to not make any noise in case he needed to attack an intruder.

He got the door silently open and froze on the spot, not able to look away at the scene before him. In hindsight he should have been able to put two and two together.

Steve was sitting against his headboard, his arms wrapped around Natasha's back who was on his lap, moving up and down. Steve's face was under her chin and her arms were around his head. Oh and they were both naked and softly moaning. Maybe it was the aftermath of the ton of sleeping pills he took last night, but it took his brain a few moments to process everything. Holy shit, they were having sex. Steve pushed his hips up and Natasha cried his name out and he moved his head to kiss her neck and opened his eyes. Steve stared at him, Natasha must have sensed something because she turned around and stared at him as well.

Steve pushed Natasha off of him who shrieked in discomfort and pulled the blankets over her. At the same time Bucky stammered an Oh god I'm sorry and turned on his heels and slammed the door behind him. He could hear Natasha laughing.

Oh god, oh god, oh god. He should leave the country. Was he really just standing there watching them have sex like a fucking perv? He didn't see any delicate parts of Natasha but he wouldn't hold it against Steve if he would storm out of his room to punch him. Or Natasha did the punching herself. It wasn't like she needed a man to fight her battles.

He ran to the living room and started pacing around. Did they have sex every night while he was asleep? That's none of your business, he reminded himself. Did he really now live in a world where Steve was getting laid and he wasn't? He hoped the floor would open and swallow him.

The floor did not open and swallow him but Steve apparead at the door frame. Fuck. He didn't looked angry though. Just embarrassed. He had pyjama pants and a shirt on and tried to comb his sex hair into place. Holy shit, the little Steve from Brooklyn was having sex.

"I am so sorry" Bucky blurted out. "I'll leave after I packed some things"

Steve seemed startled. "Leave?"

"I just saw you two, well you know" He stumbled. Gee, when did he turn into a blushing virgin. "I can understand if you want me gone"

"You're not going anywhere" Natasha was suddenly next to Steve wearing one of Steve's shirt and her hair tousled from their activities. She looked breathtaking and he could have sworn in that moment this wasn't the first time he saw her like this. Woah, where did that come from? Did he and Natasha, Natalia, have sex back then?

"I guess the cat's out of the bag" Natasha said, interrupting his thoughts. She interwined her fingers with Steve's. "Steve and I are together. I'll be sleeping in his room from now on."

Steve beamed at her announcement. She told them that she would take a shower, so they could have a boy talk and asked Steve to carry her luggage into his room. Then she kissed Steve in front of him.

For some reason it hurt him to watch them kiss. Were they together in the Red Room? Was he in love with Natalia? Did he still have feelings for her? What the fuck was going on with him.

"Oh and James" She yelled when she was already on the stairs. "Don't forget to knock before you go into our room"

"Um, well" Steve scratched the back of his neck. "Sorry we didn't tell you sooner. You couldn't have known that Nat and I were having, um, sex. " He blushed furiously and despite the thoughts running wild in his head, he had to smile at Steve.

"It's okay. I'm sorry I walked in on you. I promise, I won't walk into your room again without knocking"

"We thought you were still asleep, otherwise we would have locked the door or something" Steve managed to get as red as a tomato.

"How long have you and Nata-"

"Since last night" Steve blurted out, getting even redder.

"You've got together last night?" Was he wrong that they were going on secret dates in the last two weeks? They weren't even together for 12 hours and Steve was already sleeping with her? He always figured Steve would need time to take a girl to bed.

"Oh no, I thought you meant since we're hav-." He trailed off. "I shouldn't have told you that. We're together since we got back from Kazhastan."

So he was right. They did sneak around his back.

"I'm happy for you two" Bucky said and Steve smiled. But a nagging voice in his head told him he wasn't completely honest.

"She's the one" Steve whispered and then started to carry Natasha's bags into his, no their room. He was smiling like a lovedrunk idiot the whole time.

He could hear the bathroom door open when Steve was upstairs and then he heard Natasha's laughter and the bedroom door was shut.

He could suddenly see Natalia in front of his eyes, she was older now, maybe 18 or 19, laying in her underwear on what seemed to be a hotel bed. She laughed the same laughter he just heard. Weapons were tossed around the room and he joined her on the bed and slid her panties of her legs. He entered her slowly and Natalia's back arched.

She brushed his long hair out his face. "I think I love you"

He thrust into her and kissed her nose. "I think I love you, Natalia"

Fuck.

Bucky now hated spending time with Natasha and Steve. It was cruel irony that he tried to set them up and when they did get together, he remembered that he and Natalia used to be lovers.

Steve and Natasha didn't show too much PDA around him but there were the brief kisses, the hand holding and the way Natasha molded herself into Steve's arms when they were on the couch watching TV. Steve only went running with him in the evenings now, he prefered to spend the mornings with Natasha in their room.

He couldn't even tell if he had feelings for Natasha. He was sure he was in love with Natalia back then but Natasha told him Natalia died years ago. So did that mean he now loved Natasha? Did he even still have feelings for Natalia? Was he Bucky when he was with her or was it the Winter Soldier who was in love with Natalia?

Did Natasha remember their time together?

His head hurt.

He didn't imagine a relationship with Natasha that he knew but he also knew that it hurt him everytime he saw her looking at Steve with affection in her eyes. The way she smiled when Steve pulled her chair out for her, when he put her feet into his lap to massage them. The way her cheeks turned slightly pink when Steve handed her pancakes and she saw the heart made out of whipped cream on top of it.

She reacted like no one ever loved her before and he wanted to scream at her that someone did love her. He loved her when no one else would! Steve even implied to him that it was the first relationship for both of them. Steve was beyond happy all the time. He was born to be the perfect boyfriend and showered Natasha with his devotion and affection.

And Natasha? Did everything to make Steve happy. Everytime she did something nice for Steve ,she seemed nervous and uncertain until Steve told her he loved it and then she beamed at him. She baked him an apple pie when he mentioned he hadn't had one in ages, let him draw her even though she was uncomfortable with the attention in the beginning . And she tracked down the only photo ever made of Steve and his ma. How Natasha found it was a mystery to Bucky. He got to witness how Steve opened the package, got tears in his eyes and pushed the picture without any words into Bucky's hand. Natasha looked like she wasn't sure if she did a good thing. Bucky looked at the picture and his breath got caught in his throat when he recognized Steve as a kid with Sarah Rogers. Steve lifted Natasha up and kissed her face over and over again, set her down and gave her a kiss that looked straight out of a movie. Bucky put the photo down and left the room to give them privacy. But he could still hear them on his way upstairs.

"Do you like it?" Natasha asked unsure. It broke Bucky's heart that she was so uncertain when it came to romance. Did their relationship fuck her up so bad? She might not remembered it but it surely branded her.

"Do I like it?" Steve repeated. "This is the best gift ever. I can finally show you how my ma looked"

"Okay, good" She breathed out.

He heard kissing noises. "Natasha" Steve paused. " I love you"

Bucky knew that he should go into his room and should stop listening but he needed to know her answer.

There was silence for a few moments. But then barely a whisper, he heard her. "I love you"

His heart sank and he closed his bedroom door. He had no right to feel upset. They didn't know that he was her, well what was he? Her ex-boyfriend? Her ex-lover?

Steve asked him later to give them the living room for the evening. He wanted to thank Natasha for the photo with a romantic evening. Since he couldn't take her to a ballet at the moment, he wanted to watch Swan Lake with her in the living room. He told him not to say anything to Natasha while he got into town to buy flowers and chocolate for her.

Bucky only announced to Natasha that he would go to bed.

"At 7:48? Your age finally showing, James?" She teased.

"Yeah, yeah." He simply said, wished her a good night and went to his room. Natasha looked confused but didn't say anything.

Half an hour later he heard the car in the driveway and he put his noise-cancelling headphones over his ears.

Around one a.m he woke up and got up to use the bathroom. On his way he could see that the light was still on. Steve and Natasha were still downstairs. And then he heard Natasha's throaty moans. Whatever Steve did to her drove her to ecstasy. She moaned and panted Steve's name over and over again and told him not to stop.

He was already in the bathroom and about to shut the door when he heard Natasha call Steve моя любовь.

He closed the door quietly and leaned against it while the memory hit him.

They were in an old empty factory. Natalia looked through binoculars and checked the area for their target. Her pants were down to her ankles and he fucked into her from behind. He kissed the nape of her neck, his fingers curled around her waist, digging hard into her flesh.

She tried to turn her head to kiss him but he pulled her face with his metal hand back to the window. "Eyes on the target, Natalia. He has no idea you're watching him. He has no idea you're watching him while I'm fucking you"

He thrust hard into her and she whimpered. He took her leg and planted her feet on the low windowsill on the ground to change the angle of his thurst. His human hand palmed her breast roughly while his metal one started to rub on her clit.

"You're so good to me, моя любовь" She moaned.

He could remember the mission. Hydra sent them to kill a scientist and his family. After the stake out, they killed them in their own house and went back to their safe house like nothing happend. He spent the rest of the night with his head between Natalia's thighs bringing her over the edge again and again.

Steve couldn't remember a time where he was happier than he was now. He had Bucky back and he was finally with the woman he loved. And she loved him back. He still couldn't believe she said the words back to him.

She didn't say it again after the first time but he was more than okay with that. He knew she loved him, she didn't have to constantly tell him. He could see in her eyes that she loved him. He could hear it in her voice when she told him about the only memory she had of her parents. He could feel it when they woke up in the morning and she gave him a sleepy smile and kissed him softly. When she tracked down the photo of him and his ma. He had no clue how she found it but it was the best present he ever received. She was in love with him and he was in love with her. It was perfect.

He knew how much their relationship meant to her when he read the email Clint sent him.

Cap,

Fucking finally! Tasha told me that you two are finally together. There's no one else who could give her the love she deserves besides you. She gave you her heart. If you break it, I will castrate you. I have my wife's permisson. Take good care of her.

P.S: Lila wants to know if she can call you Uncle Steve now.

He almost cried when he read the mail. Natasha told her family about them. He knew that was a big step for her.

And he finally understood why the world was so obsessed with sex. Because making love to Natasha? Was pretty much all he could think about now. The moment Bucky left the house for his morning run or went to town, he and Natasha practically ripped each others clothes off and gave into each other. She taught him how to pleasure her and helped him discover what he liked.

Sometimes Natasha woke up in the middle of the night and she would nudge him awake and pull him over her body to guide him inside her. Or Bucky was already in his room asleep and they were still watching TV, he would bury his face between her legs and taste her. He wouldn't stop until she laughed, janked him by his hair up and told him to fuck her which he happily did. When Bucky went on his two hour morning run, they used the opportunity to have sex all over the house. They fucked everywhere except in Bucky's room. They still knew that would have been wrong even in their lust-clouded minds.

When he asked Natasha to pose for him, she hesitated. She admitted that she didn't think she deserved to be drawn by Steve whose drawings she found so beautiful that she didn't think she belonged in his sketchbook. He didn't tell her that he'd been secretly drawing her for years instead he told her that she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen and he'd be honoured to draw her.

"I want you to see yourself the way I see you, sweetheart"

The first time he drew her, they were in the living room with Bucky in the kitchen. Natasha still felt uncomfortable and Bucky waltzed into the room, put music on, cracked a joke and left again. This made her relax a bit and Steve began to put her beauty on paper. After that she posed more and more for him. Sometimes with Bucky in the room but mostly when they were in alone.

One time she told him to sit on the chair and to get his supplies and she stripped down bare before him and asked him how he wanted her to pose for him. He'd drawn nudes before in art school but Natasha posing nude for him? Totally different. He was touched that she gave him this. When he was done and he'd shown her the portrait, she gave him a warm smile, put the drawing on the nightstand, unbuckled his pants, slid them down to the middle of his thighs, straddled him and sank down on his erection. They made slowly love and he left charcoal fingerprints all over her body.

He blushed furiously when Natasha told him one night that they had probably more sex than any other couple.

"Is it too much?" He asked her after she rode him into the mattress using him shamelessy for her own pleasure. Not that he didn't enjoy it, he really, really did. Natasha on top of him was a vision he had to draw one day.

"No" She kissed his neck. She was still laying on top of him with him still inside her. She moved her hips lightly and his cock was already thickening again.

"I just thought you should know. For you ego" She said and started to clench her walls around him. He groaned and she smirked.

She rolled them so she was now on her back. "Thank fuck for that super soldier stamina"

She kicked his ass with the heel of her foot and he got the message and started to thrust his hips. "Maybe you're just irresistable, doll"

Her laugh turned into a moan when he angled his hips to hit her G-spot.

"Less talking, more fucking"

"Yes Ma'am" He started to fuck into her harder and Natasha made those little gasps he loved so much.

Bucky remembered his time with Natalia more clearly day by day.

He remembered how Natalia kissed him chastily on the lips after a training mission in the woods and then apologized and ran away. He remembered how he sneaked flowers and candy into the Red Room after his solo missions and gave them to her when no one watched. How she would beam at the little gifts and kiss his knuckles. He rememered how he held Natalia after her graduation in his arms and kissed her hair and promised her that she would be free one day. That they would be free one day.

"Will we be together then?" She asked him, tears in her eyes.

"Yes, always, sweetheart" He promised.

They were sent on their first mission together one week after her graduation. They had to stay at a shabby safehouse with one bed room.

Natalia wanted to sleep together in it but he declined. There were nearing dangerous water. It already took everything he had to resist her. She inflitrated his soul, mind and heart. He had no idea what would happen to her if the Red Room caught them. Natasha was angry and refused to take the bed when he offered it to her and slept on the couch. The third night Natalia was suddenly standing in front of his bed in a white night gown and slid under the blankets with him. She kissed him and he let her. He knew she never kissed anyone else before him and when she offered him her body, he couldn't resist her anymore and took her virginity. Her long red hair spilled over the pillows, her firm breast with her stiff pink nipples and how she blushed under his hungry stare drove him wild. How perfect their bodies fitted together. He made her breakfast in bed the next morning and repeated his promise that they would be free one day.

How would Steve react if he knew that he was Natasha's first? He got caught up enough on pop culture to know that they were some codes between male friends. Wasn't it against the code that they both had sex with her?

Did Natasha really not remember them at all? Did she really only remember that he trained her and was nice to her? Didn't she remember their promises and their kisses? Did they get caught? Did they both get wiped? What happend to them?

He watched Natasha carefully now but she showed no sign that she knew they had a romantic past. Steve told him happily that Natasha told Barton about them and when Steve skyped with Sam in the living room, Natasha went to him and kissed him in front of the web cam. He watched them from the kitchen and could hear Sam whistle.

"Finally!" Wilson exclaimed. "Wanda owes me 200 bucks."

"Was it really that obvious that we had feelings for each other?" Steve asked and Bucky knew without looking that he was getting red.

"Oh please! I've seen you two flirt and exchange longing glances pretty much since we met" Sam laughed. "Why do you think I told Nat about the kiss with Sharon. I wanted Nat to mark her territory and get her man"

He could hear Natasha scoff.

"Anyway, the reason why I called is that T'challa invites you three to come to Wakanda. His science people think that with the help of Wanda they can remove Bucky's triggers."

Bucky walked into the living room and practically shoved Steve and Natasha out of the way to see Wilson on the screen. "Really?"

Sam nodded. "Don't ask me the specifics but they are certain that it's at least worth a try. And T'challa also gets bad vibes from Ross. He's really interested in Wakandian technology and his army. He wants to know how T'challa became Black Panther. He was here last week. I had to hide in my room the entire time" He pouted.

"Yeah, hiding in a royal suite with room service must be horrible!" Natasha replied sarcastlcally.

"When does T'challa expect us?" Steve asked.

"He said he can send a jet anytime. Preferably sooner than later"

"Would tomorrow be too soon?" Bucky wanted to know. He wanted to get rid of these triggers as soon as possible. As long as they were in his head, he would never be completely free.

"I don't think so. I'll text you the details"

"Good. Then we'll see you soon" Natasha ended the call.

An hour later Sam mailed them in the info that a Quinjet on autopilot would pick them on a field a few miles away from their house.

моя любовь = my love

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