A/N: Thank you Rizzlesmyiles for caring about my well being as a writer, but I just can't stop posting. I honestly wanted to wait until tomorrow to post this, but I mean... it's almost tomorrow right. On that note, I probably will slow down on posting as I just realized I can't write that fast. But fear not, I really am having the most fun getting stuff out as soon as I can.
OH! I just realized that some of you may not have read a Pirate's Proposal... and this story kind of draws heavily from it at some points. I don't know why I assumed you all had read that first. You'll probably get more out of this if you go and read that. Otherwise some parts will just seem kinda out of place. Sorry about not mentioning this sooner!
Chapter 21: A Pirate's Heart
Back in the towers of Skyhold, the young witch awoke to that same familiar pine scent, but did not jolt up like she did last time. She was snuggled against a much larger chest than she was accustomed to, and decided to take the time to observe the elder mage at rest. She had always thought Marian to be attractive and charming, but her older self was something beyond that. Her lashes were full, her jaw strong and her lips a soft pink. Morrigan noticed that the mage's hair was rather short, and thought the look very fitting. Though a part of her enjoyed being the one to pull out the occasional twig from her mage's hair, she knew her mage was often hampered by it.
"Mmm… Morrigan…" Hawke murmured in her sleep and caused the young witch to blush profusely.
The witch wondered exactly what the older version of Marian might be dreaming of that consisted of her, but couldn't give it too much thought before a loud knock at the door roused the mage awake. Hawke blinked twice before yawning and slowly sitting up. She smiled at Morrigan, offered a sleepy 'good morning' and then ruffled her hair before getting up to answer the door.
Hawke opened the door and locked onto the honey colored eyes that were slightly red. The mage's heart cracked as she realized that Isabela had been crying perhaps all night. She opened her mouth to speak, but didn't know what words could express what she was feeling.
"Isabela… I-" Hawke began.
Isabela's golden eyes focused and before Hawke could continue, the pirate's right hand swiftly swept across her face. The smack was loud and sharp, and the mage could taste the metallic flavor of blood in her mouth. Hawke's head hung as she recovered from the blow, but even as she raised her gaze to meet the pirates, her head still slightly spun. Morrigan watched with horror and anger as she witnessed the blow, but felt herself unable to move.
"Don't speak, I don't need you to speak." Isabela's voice cracked as she held the icy blue eyes that were beginning to grow wet. "I vowed never to be anyone's possession ever again, and I truly believed that I was more than that to you."
"Isabela, you-"
Once again Isabela's hand swept across Hawke's face, and the mage grasped the frame of the door for support lest she fall on the floor.
"I told you not to speak," Isabela's gaze was fierce and her voice resolute. "I gave you something I had never given to anyone. I gave you my heart… as uncertain as I was, I never actually believed you would take it for granted." Isabela yanked a necklace off from her assortment of jewelry and tossed it by Hawke's feet. "I will not continue to pine after a woman whose heart was never mine to begin with." She quickly flashed her eyes to the child on the bed.
In that moment, Morrigan held Isabela's gaze and saw so much pain and loss mixed in that honey color. She had not liked the woman and openly detested her clear affection for her young mage and the one that stood before them, but the witch also had no idea who the pirate had been to Hawke, and for that she felt ashamed.
Isabela turned and walked away from the silent mage; there was nothing left to say. Hawke felt her heart stand still, and heard her blood rush on the side of her face that Isabela had slapped. Her gaze remained on the floor and all she could hear were the echoes of sounds; when she looked up she saw the young witch running in the same direction that Isabela had taken off towards, but she did nothing but sit still as the tears began to blur her vision.
Morrigan had no idea what she was doing, but she felt the need to catch up to the pirate nonetheless. It was still relatively early in the morning, and most of the castle remained asleep. She rushed down the winding stairs and saw the pirate up ahead, heading towards the front of the castle.
"Wait!" Morrigan shouted after her, but the pirate paid no heed.
The witch continued her chase and thanked the Old Gods that her playtime with Marian had increased her stamina and endurance. In the end the pirate's legs were longer and Morrigan had no time for such silly games, so she sent a zap of electricity ahead of her. The pirate yelped as an acute pinch coursed through her body, and whirled around to see the small witch smirking at her.
"Why you little!" Isabela began her march back towards the witch. She lifted the small child by her shirt and leered at her unfazed expression.
"I want to talk with you," Morrigan did her best to keep her cool, but she couldn't deny the slight trepidation she felt because of the rage she felt emanating off of this very powerful, and somehow not magical, woman.
"Talk with me? And what, little witch, would we have to talk about?" Isabela spat.
"I want to know… about you and Marian… or Hawke, whatever you call her."
"There is nothing to know," Isabela's brows furrowed as she thought of the woman who had betrayed her. Then her thoughts turned to the image of the mage tearing up, silent even though Isabela had slapped her like she never had before, and found herself breaking on the inside. "What's it to you… you… have everything I ever wanted." Isabela's voice cracked and she felt a strong urge to cry, but her eyes were sore enough.
Morrigan wanted to remain indifferent to the pirate's breakdown, but she could not. Her small hand wiped the beginnings of a tear that threatened to fall, and softened her gaze as Isabela's eyes met with hers. She had seen this woman as an enemy, and even now the pirate was still someone she did not like, but perhaps there was more to her than that.
"You are a strange she-brat," Isabela muttered and placed the child back on the floor. "Follow me if you wish."
The pirate walked out of the castle and towards the one place that always felt like home regardless of where she went-the tavern. The small witch kept close to the pirate, still unaccustomed to being around so many humans. She looked around and could not help but look disgusted at some of the strange behaviors of the tavern's patrons. Some sloshed their drinks til they spilled on the floor, others talked louder than would ever be necessary, and Morrigan felt herself grow queasy as the smell of their drinks wafted in the air.
"She can't be in here." A stern voice snapped her out of her observations.
"We'll be heading to the roof, old man, don't get your knickers in a bunch." Isabela blew off the bartender's beady eyes and took the little witch's hand in her own.
Morrigan, who had not been expecting the contact, almost sent a current of electricity through her hand out of second nature, but quickly quelled her mana. The pirate's hand was warm, but not as soft as the ones she was used to holding. After a few flights of stairs, they walked out of a window and perched themselves on the roof. Morrigan kept from looking down; for some reason, heights and her did not meld as well as she'd like. Isabela watched as the witch tried her best to keep her fear and insecurity from showing.
"Afraid of heights, but not afraid of zapping a pirate right in the ass… I'd say you have a severe lack in common sense." Isabela began with a sly remark.
"You wouldn't hurt me…" Morrigan responded, but even that was said with some hesitation.
"Now I know for certain you have no common sense." Isabela scoffed, and looked out towards the horizon, "so twerp, what would you have me talk to you about?"
Morrigan wanted to comment on how the pirate should address her, but knew that would get her nowhere, so she sighed and pulled her wits about her.
"How did you meet Marian?" Morrigan asked.
"Like all adults do," she winked at the witch and saw how it caused the young girl to knit her brows. She chuckled and continued, "I met Hawke at a tavern, much like this one, in Kirkwall… she wasn't much of anybody back then, but," Isabela's eyes lit as she recalled how drawn she had been to the woman. "But she managed to catch my eyes anyways."
"Kirkwall… that is far away," Morrigan felt her heart clench as she imagined her mage being that far away from her. "What was she doing at a tavern?"
"At that time, I believe she was just looking for trouble; why else would she come to the aid of someone like me?" Isabela wanted the image of Hawke grinning goofily at her to just disappear. "She was trying to collect enough money to become a partner in this huge expedition into the Deep Roads… she nearly died." Isabela hadn't meant to let her past sorrow reflect in her voice, but she couldn't help it. Hawke had almost disappeared from her life, and she had spent the majority of the time trying to deny her constant worry over, and desire to see, a specific woman.
"Died? Weren't you with her?" Morrigan exclaimed as she sat nearer to the pirate.
"Go with her to the Deep Roads? I would die if I couldn't see the sky above me."
"But you let Marian go someplace where she would have died without seeing the sky…" Morrigan immediately retorted.
Isabela was a bit taken aback by the witch's passionate responses, but couldn't help but feel a bit angry.
"It's not like I was in love with her at that point," Isabela defended herself. "I had just met her, I wasn't just going to follow her literally to the ends of the earth!"
Morrigan held her tongue; the pirate had a point. She couldn't imagine willing to risk her life for someone that had just walked into her life… even if it had been Marian. She often wondered if she would have revealed herself to the mage, if she had never been found out to be a shapeshifter.
"So when did you fall in love with her?" The witch asked.
The pirate raised an eyebrow and began to chew on her inner cheek.
"Honestly… I'm not sure when it was that I wanted more from Hawke than I ever thought I'd want from anybody." Isabela smiled gently as she recalled seeing Hawke with Arya. "Perhaps I got a notion of it when I saw her with another woman."
"She was with other women?" Morrigan snapped; she had never considered the possibility of Marian's older self being with other women.
"Now that I think about it," Isabela studied Morrigan's features, "she looked a bit like you, but not as scary."
The witch leered at her, but said nothing more.
"Don't worry, little witch, Hawke was not the kind of woman to just flit off with whatever walked on by. Arya was a sweet girl and she loved Hawke enough to die for her; she would have been the one stupid enough to follow her down into the Deep Roads if she could have." Isabela sighed and lay back on the roof. "You know, I took Hawke's love for granted for three whole years… I left her alone as the world crumbled around her." Isabela felt a tear fall quickly from the corner of her eye. "When I came back for her, when I felt like I was ready to love her the way she had always loved me, I was faced with a woman devoid of emotion, of meaning. Can you imagine, our very own lively, loving Marian, with no spark in her eyes or warmth to her touch?"
Morrigan shivered involuntarily and shook her head; she honestly couldn't imagine a Marian with those qualities. Her mage was the epitome of warmth and life; even when she was sad or angry, Morrigan could always see the mage's willingness to either forgive or find happiness in the depths of her fierce, blue eyes.
"In fact…" Isabela swallowed her pride as she uttered her next words, "she was ready to die…" the pirate broke out into tears. "Until she remembered you," she grabbed the small witch and pulled her close.
Morrigan wasn't sure why, perhaps it was the thought of Marian wanting to die, or the pirate's own sorrow, but the witch found herself crying as well. She let the pirate hold her and found herself unable to hate the woman as she had before. Although it did not sound like she was always there for Marian, she had been the one willing to try and revive her. Morrigan did not know what Marian's life would become, but she was sorry that she wouldn't be there facing the darkness with her.
"Why leave now?" Morrigan murmured as her tears subsided.
Isabela held the child close, "may I confess something to you?" She felt the child nod, and took a deep breath. "I forbade my mage to lay with the adult version of you."
Morrigan took a sharp inhale of breath; had the elder Marian indeed lay with her elder self?
"You may not know how to read the signs, but she has definitely done what I explicitly forbade her to do." Isabela felt her tears returning, but held them back. "And although I know she is sorry she hurt me in the process, she is not sorry for her actions… only the repercussion." She sat up, still holding Morrigan in her arms, "and that is why I must leave."
"I'm sorry… I…" Morrigan wasn't sure why she was apologizing; she hadn't done anything, but still she did not feel happy about the pirate's pain as she thought she would.
"Oh, little witch, it is not your fault… at least not yet anyways." She winked at the witch who was looking back at her with an expression she had not yet seen from the child-one of unabashed concern.
"I'm not sure what happened between the two of you, or how you came to lose your memories, but it is something Hawke cannot forget. I slapped her as hard as I did only to see if I could cause her amnesia once more…" She chuckled as the little witch furrowed her brows at her. "I'm just playing, but… Andraste's tits if I was going to let her get off scotch free for hurting me. Anyhow, how could I compete with something no one yet understands?"
The witch searched the pirate's eyes for anger or hatred, but she only found sorrow and… love. The pirate still loved the mage, and Morrigan found herself respecting the woman who was holding her.
"Can you promise me something?" Morrigan built up her courage as the pirate gave her, her full attention. "I do not know what my elder self will do, but… if Hawke is left alone…" Morrigan stopped as she struggled to find the right words.
"You really are sweet underneath that awful leer of yours, aren't you?" Isabela moved a strand of Morrigan's hair away from her face. "I know what you are trying to say, so no need to ask for it explicitly…" Isabela faced the horizon once more, "but I cannot abide by that promise, I'm sorry."
Morrigan wanted to ask her why, but she already partially knew the answer. No one wanted to be a fall back option.
"I cannot abide by that because I will be traveling the seas and my pirate heart will be set adrift once more… no if Hawke wants me, she's going to have to come and get me."
Isabela smirked, and the witch stared back in awe-she hoped one day, she would be as strong as this pirate; this pirate who would not let herself be defeated by love. Mayhaps, one day, the little witch thought, she would also have a pirate's heart-unafraid to drift.