The Witcher: Part XXI
The Rise of the Xixi
Previously, on The Witcher:
Team Witcher has been captured by Kanye West and his evil mother Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West! And now, Elphaba (who isn't actually a witch) is now going to execute Lady Feudalism with a giant axe!
How will our heroes make it out of this predicament?
The axe swung towards Lady Feudalism's neck.
Geralt silently cast a magick spell to make her neck as hard as diamond for 2.2 seconds. The axe struck the diamond-hard neck, and bounced back.
Elphaba screamed as she quickly moved out of the way from the rebounding axe.
About 22 milliseconds later, a messenger burst through the door.
"The Tower of Xixi is opening!" he said.
"This is a momentous occasion," said Kanye West.
"Let us go to the tower," said Elphaba. "We can leave this execution for later."
The crowd left the hall and went off to the battleground.
Team Witcher was left unattended.
"Let's follow them to this Tower of Xixi," said Geralt. "They've been fighting over the tower for 22 years. There must be something relevant about it," said Iorverth.
Prince Severus and his comrades had arrived in a densely wooded region. They came across a man in black armour and a cape, lying on the ground.
"I am Darth Rikon," he said. "I need help, I am injured."
It looked as though he had just climbed up out of a hole.
"We should help him," said Communist O'Lenin. "He would make a good comrade for our cause."
Prince Severus healed him.
"Hang on, aren't you Prince Severus?" asked Rikon. "I thought you were killed by Hitler."
"You're mistaken," said Severus without missing a beat. "My name is Zuko Snape. I am not sure why you're confusing me with the Führer's deceased son."
"Why are you injured?" asked Christian Grey.
"It was the Witcher," said Rikon. "We had a battle that was about 8 minutes short of half an hour, and I was bested."
"So the Witcher has come this way..." said Severus. "I think we should track the Witcher down, and end him. That way he will not impede our quest."
Severus' comrades nodded.
"It is my task to slay the Witcher," said Darth Rikon, who seemed a bit offended. "Do you think I can't do my job or something?"
Darth Rikon jumped up and drew his lightsaber.
"We don't need to fight," said Severus.
"Hmm... good point," said Rikon, realising that random aggression served no purpose.
Severus then left with his comrades.
"See. I manipulated him into not attacking us," said Severus. "There is no need for violence."
"Just make a few cold and calculated moves to defeat all obstacles."
The armies of the four empires had gathered at the Tower of Xixi.
The Good Witch of the North was with her son, Kanye North.
The Good Witch of the South was with her son, Kanye South.
The Wicked Witch of the East was with her son, Kanye East.
And the Wicked Witch of the West was with her son, Kanye West.
The doors to the tower was open.
"So..." said Kanye North. "We've been fighting for this tower for twenty-two years. Who's going to go in first?"
Nobody said anything.
They were all too scared to enter this tower which it seemed they knew nothing about.
"I'll do it," said Geralt. Team Witcher stepped forth.
"What's even in this tower?" asked Geralt.
Nobody knew.
"It's been here for as long as we remember," said Kanye South.
"What is Xixi?" asked Lady Feudalism.
"We don't know," replied Kanye East. "The tower just says that on the front door."
On the front door, was written XIXI.
Also written was the black white black black white symbol of the West Empire.
"Let's find out then," said Geralt. And they walked into the tower.
There was the sound of water, dripping at a rate of 22 drops per minute.
Team Witcher walked up 22 stairs to reach the first floor.
"What is this tower?" asked Ciri. "It's completely empty."
They walked up another twenty-two steps to reach the next floor, a similarly empty room.
They continued walking up and up.
It turned out there were twenty-two floors.
They eventually reached the top floor, which was a bit different to the others.
Instead of being completely empty, there was a door at the end of the room. There were twenty-two different keyholes in the door.
Geralt melted a bit of scrap metal he found in his bag and turned it into keys using magick. Then, he put the twenty-two keys into the locks and turned them all at the same time.
The door opened slowly, taking twenty-two seconds to open fully. They entered the door.
And it closed behind them.
The room they entered was made of stone.
There were twenty-two wooden disks scattered across the floor.
On each of the four walls of the square room, there were five normal sized windows and one half sized window.
And in the middle of the room, there was a spooky scary skeleton, sitting on a throne.
"Aaargh!" said Lady Feudalism, who was spooked.
"ayy lmao it's dead," said Ciri.
"Well, it looks like we're trapped," said Geralt.
"Can't you magick down the door or something?" asked Lady Feudalism.
Geralt tried to shoot a block of lightning at the door. It didn't budge.
He tried to break the stone walls. They resisted the magick.
"Hey, has anyone else noticed this strange thing?" said Iorverth, who looked quite concerned.
"What?" asked the other three simultaneously.
"Have any of noticed that the number twenty-two has been cropping up a lot recently?" Iorverth asked.
"In this building? I assumed it was an architectural choice to theme this building off the number twenty-two," said Geralt. "The name of the tower is XIXI, isn't it? 11 plus 11 is twenty-two. Makes sense."
"But not just in this tower," said Iorverth.
"I think the number twenty-two has been following us around for the past few days."
"Remember Our Stars? How many people died in the earthquake?"
"Twenty-two," said Geralt.
"And how many fingers and toes did Darth Rikon have?" asked Iorverth.
"Twenty-two," said Ciri.
Ciri and Geralt and Lady Feudalism were all extremely freaked out.
"It can't be a coincidence," said Iorverth.
Geralt went to one of the windows.
He looked into the sky.
There were twenty-two clouds visible.
"What's happening?" asked Geralt.
"The number twenty-two is taking over!" said Iorverth. "It's literally everywhere!"
TO BE CONTINUED
IN
THE WITCHER: PART XXII
TWENTY-TWO