Chapter 20: Shadowlight, Part II
"Were you expecting someone else, lady Pathfinder?" Mashiar laughed.
"Mashiar…" Ryder said, heartbeat racing and mind still filled with her screaming senses and the terrible pain of loss and betrayal. "Why reveal yourself now?" she asked, trying to stall and reorient herself enough to make sense of the situation; not to mention figuring out how to stay alive. She knew Firaan was deadly with his namesake weapon of choice and she doubted that she was in a position to stop someone like that in the tight space they were in without injury; well, perhaps with SAM to aid her she could do it, logically she knew she needn't be afraid, yet she couldn't help but be aware of how dangerous the man was and feel threatened by it.
"As I said, you sent Tajix sniffing after me. I suppose I shouldn't have killed him, I still might have hidden my tracks, but he did always irritate me," Mashiar said speculatively, crossing his arms. "Not to mention your little surprises. I know an ending when I see one, with or without him you would have figured it out now." He cocked his head as he studied her face and he clearly enjoyed what he saw there, judging by his smile. "I'm here now to indulge your curiosity. I'm sure you have many questions for me… and then we will see about fixing the mess you made by not joining the vanguard."
Ryder opened her mouth to deny him the pleasure of hearing her plead or ask why or any of it, but as if sensing her defiance, SAM's voice stopped her.
Pathfinder, I may be able to alert the angara and trap Mashiar, but it will take some time, SAM intoned.
"Why?" Ryder asked simply, locking eyes with the commander.
"You're going for the obvious question first? I'm disappointed," he frowned.
"It's the most important one," she answered. It also was the only one she could think of; SAM or no, she still had to figure out a way to get him out of this alcove without him killing her first. Though, her mind was beginning to grasp the reality of the situation and more questions did arise in her; rather pressing questions.
"But not the most interesting one."
"What happened to you that made you become this? Killing your own," she gestured helplessly, searching for the words to express how disturbed she was at the idea of someone like him being capable of such atrocities. "Tajix… those fighters on my ship, even the Roekaar…"
Mashiar considered. "Because it's the only way any of it made sense. Because I was taken by the kett as a child, along with my family and I was raised by them. Because my bedtime stories were listening to each of them scream in agony, until one by one they all changed… Because I am kett. My mothers and all my siblings were reborn, but their spirits always belonged. That's what I was told and what I was taught and therefore, that is who I am."
Ryder shook her head at the horror of it. "You can't possibly believe that! You know what they do to your people, how can you say you're one of them? They didn't change you."
"They tried," Mashiar replied. "I had to kill them eventually."
"That… makes no sense at all," she said. She wasn't sure she wanted to argue the point too strenuously, though; a mind like his convinced of something like that could certainly accept inconsistencies as fact, but if he was unbalanced enough to believe such a thing, he could also snap at any moment.
"My kidnapping, the death, the loss only meant something if there was a purpose to it. I began to realize that I was wrong about the kett. We all are. Even they are to some degree."
"So you help the kett by slaughtering your way through us? That's your idea of absolution?" Ryder asked incredulously. "Have you been feeding them information, too?"
"What did it all matter in the end?" the commander asked, as if he hadn't heard her question or he simply ignored it. "They taught me to be one of them, but then not even that was enough. So, I had to escape."
"And you escaped and rejoined your people, how could you… do this?" Ryder faltered, unable to find words strong enough.
"The angara weren't enough, either," Mashiar frowned. "What purpose is there to this struggle? All the wasted lives focused on this war when we could all be one family again?"
"You're one to talk about wasting life! You slaughtered an entire daar!"
"The Roekaar," Mashiar sneered. "They are already traitors, their lives don't matter."
"If they don't matter, why did you need to kill them in the first place?"
"They are easy to manipulate… but also are quite boastful if you show your colors to be similar to theirs. So they had to die."
"That was a miscalculation," Ryder said fiercely. She felt terribly cold inside and so she focused on her anger, her outrage. Those emotions felt like the only real things in a sudden storm of terrible madness. "One of them survived and told us who to look for."
Mashiar was silent for a moment, forest eyes studying her. "That is where you learned my name," he said finally.
"You didn't cover your tracks very well," she went on.
"Well, I had you fooled for a while," Mashiar smiled.
There was something about the way he said that; it was almost like remembering something, but Ryder couldn't quite place her finger on it. "I should have known it was you the moment I discovered that trap on the Tempest…" she said after a moment, suddenly afraid that a lull in their conversation would precipitate whatever it was that Mashiar had planned next.
"I had a special surprise waiting for you," Mashiar nodded, "but I thought it would be more to the point to just have a lot of dead angarans on your ship. I've had to hold your hand throughout the whole scheme to make sure the right signals were sent, the way you two tripped your way through everything… I admit that wasn't my only reason, but it was a good one."
There was an edge in his voice that puzzled Ryder; was he angry that they didn't dance to his tune as he wanted? As far as she was concerned he had played them like a harp, but maybe he didn't see it that way. She sensed that there was an opportunity at hand to learn more about his methods, if he would share them; perhaps it would somehow help… her eyes went to the opening behind him, but knew there was no way she could get passed him without getting in a fight. More importantly though, she wasn't sure she didn't want to somehow lure him out to expose him before the entire Resistance cell here, it could potentially mend all the fractures he had placed in the Initiative's relationship with the angara; but how she was to do that without getting killed was another matter. She needed more time to think, unless SAM came up with something.
"That man in the beginning… why did you kill him?"
"Ah, yes," Mashiar sighed. "Another hasty action. I'm afraid I lost my temper when I learned that I had to free you after you so clumsily let yourselves be caught instead of following the trail I planted."
Ryder frowned. "The kett took us exactly where you wanted…" he cut her off.
"The kett weren't part of the plan," he made a dismissive gesture. He was getting impatient with the conversation, Ryder was sure of it.
She hesitated. "Why are you letting me ask all these questions?"
"I have my reasons," he smiled mysteriously, and then fell silent, waiting for her to proceed. Well, at least she knew he wouldn't prematurely end it; if she could just keep him talking long enough…
"The Roekaar… when did you even have the opportunity?"
"I fetched some scientists from Havarl, the very ones that Tajix tangled with eventually," he smiled smugly. "It couldn't have gone better if I had planned every second of it…" his smile faded and his expression changed again; it was as though he looked at her with mingled anger and regret – perhaps betrayal? Why did he feel betrayed?
"So that wasn't your plan…" Ryder said slowly. "You didn't kill them to lure us there, did you? You were just taking advantage of the opportunity."
"No, I didn't expect you to be there," Mashiar replied, a little irritable. "But it was what caught my attention."
Ryder looked a question at him.
"At first I thought he just made you his own to forget the pain, the way you kept arguing and acting as though nothing happened… but then I tried so hard to steal you away and you wouldn't come."
Ryder's heart skipped a beat. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine that Evfra could turn out to be her weakness, but right then she knew that Mashiar could and would use her relationship with the Resistance leader against them in the worst way possible and she had to stop it, divert him if she could. But this is madness! He can't know! He must be lying… she thought, but she was afraid she knew that he wasn't lying. If she could just shift his focus away from Evfra, perhaps that wouldn't matter, though. Something tickled that part of her mind again in the way he had said those words and this time the feeling seized her strongly. He couldn't possibly have feelings of his own towards her…? It really was madness, clearly he was just manipulating her again.
"Don't tell me you're going to go with that story," Ryder said flatly. How gullible did he think she was?
"Is it really so hard to believe?" Mashiar asked with a smile. "You are quite exotic, quite intoxicating. I see what Evfra sees in you."
"He doesn't see anything," Ryder said uncomfortably. "Nothing… nothing really happened." It was worth a try, on the off chance that he really was just making very astute guesses.
"Oh, I know about you and him. I have from the start, I was watching you on Havarl."
Ryder stared at him, starting to feel a little desperate. That wasn't, of course, the beginning; Mashiar clearly didn't know about what happened between her and Evfra on Voeld. Maybe that was her way out, if she could pass it off as a one-time thing… they had agreed to keep up that appearance with Evfra anyway and she didn't think there was any way Mashiar could know about any of their other encounters, either. She discarded the idea as she studied his expression, certain that he was convinced no matter what she said.
Mashiar smiled. "You are searching for a good reply… but does it really matter if I know?"
"There is nothing to know about," Ryder snapped.
"Isn't there?"
"Maybe I'm just not interested in you in particular," she sniffed, giving him the most arrogant stare she could muster. It seemed to have the desired effect because rage blazed in his eyes for a moment before he could master it again. "I'm not impressed by your little schemes, either," she added.
To her surprise, Mashiar laughed. "Oh, I like you like this. I know almost everything! And you cannot deny that I have fascinated you as much as you fascinate me, I've watched you puzzle over every clue I've left you."
Pathfinder, Evfra has gathered Resistance forces at central command and has ordered every exit and hallway covertly guarded, SAM said and Ryder could have leapt with joy. Perhaps careful bating would goad Mashiar into using you as a hostage, he is not aware that the base is on alert. Snipers have been positioned along the hangar bay and all the exits. I was not able to communicate Firaan's identity, however, as only Evfra has a point of reference.
It was enough; it had to be.
Ryder smiled humorlessly. "We stopped you, Mashiar, the battle you wanted between the Initiative and the Resistance failed today. You really thought that I'm so vain that I have to be at the heart of the action wherever it is? You know nothing about me or my fascinations."
"You haven't proven me wrong… until now," he pointed out.
"So what was your plan, force me into a situation where I have to betray one or the other?" Mashiar merely nodded in acknowledgement and Ryder shook her head. "You made too many assumptions. Perhaps you thought you got to know me enough…"
"You're too late to stop the war," Mashiar laughed, though her comment seemed to bother him. "Did you think that was my only plan?"
"What do you mean?" she asked, feigning surprise. So he didn't know where she had sent Kandros. That was good; his information definitely had limits.
"I admit, I focused on you a little too much. I had to branch out. As we speak, the surviving Roekaar are descending on New Tuchanka, where 'Firaan is hiding'," he said mockingly, then gave another rich laugh, clearly delighted by his own cleverness.
Ryder smiled slowly, waiting for his mirth to subside as he took in her expression. "You think we've been that idle? We don't dance to your strings anymore, Firaan," she emphasized the name to drive her point home.
"Such defiance!" he grinned. "How are you going to stop me when you are on Voeld with me?"
"I admit, provoking the krogans was a brilliant plan," she said.
Mashiar's eyes were full of zest at her praise.
"But," Ryder continued, "I'm afraid I have to disappoint you. Jaal is there and he's leading a sizeable Resistance force. The Roekaar will have to fight angara aiding the krogans… and the Nexus force I just sent to help him."
A muscle twitched in Mashiar's face, but he forced a smile. "I can work around that. You've only set me back a little."
"I've been doing it from the start, it seems little setbacks is all it takes to stop you," Ryder said. "Just admit it, you bit off more than you could chew with us. The Initiative isn't like the kett or the angara… clearly you have no idea how to properly manipulate events."
"That, I fear, is entirely due to you alone, Pathfinder," Mashiar nodded and abruptly grabbed her by the arm to twist her around, a blade going against her side and pressing just hard enough to be on the brink of slicing into her. Ryder gasped in surprise, but she didn't struggle; the conversation was over, but she was more or less certain that he wouldn't actually kill her. "So you are the one I have to do something about," he added, forcing her forward and out of the alcove. He didn't go towards the hangar bay, however; Ryder felt distinctly uneasy now.
"What exactly can you do about me that wouldn't point straight at you?" she asked, trying to get him talking again – anything, so long as he didn't take her to some obscure passageway the Resistance wasn't aware of; she was so close to exposing him, she would rather push herself on that blade to incriminate him than let him get away now.
"I wonder what the Resistance will say about how you've wrapped him around your finger… is that how the human expression goes?"
Ryder stared at him in horror as she suddenly understood his intention. "No," she said in denial. "Mashiar, please, if you were even being a little honest just now about your feelings, don't do this."
Mashiar gave her a look that said she was being ridiculous. "I express my affections differently," he said with a sardonic smile.
"The angara don't deserve this! Please think about this," Ryder said, struggling in his grip, but it was a token gesture. She was babbling and knew she was reacting completely irrationally, but she couldn't help herself; there just had to be an angaran heart still deep inside him and at the moment she wanted nothing more than to reach it, touch it, influence it somehow.
"I believe that you care about my people," Mashiar said unexpectedly, "but I also believe that you, like them, are misguided in what you think is good for us. Think about it: decades of endless war. Thousands upon thousands dead, fighting to the very last. With exaltation, we become more than what we were and there is no need for us to die."
"That doesn't even apply to all angara!" Ryder exclaimed, unable to fathom how the man could possibly think such nonsense. "You know it doesn't, thousands die in slave camps, you can't tell me that is for their own good!"
Mashiar shrugged slightly, the blade digging into her side a little harder. "Culling is inevitable. Not everyone is suited for the future of our people."
Before she knew it or could protest further, they were entering the command center; as SAM had promised, the place was filled with angara, though clearly none of them were expecting the pair of them to march into their midst as they did. Silence spread across them in a ripple beginning at the entrance they had walked through all the way to the back. Evfra looked surprised and worried to see them, eyes flicking between Ryder and Mashiar and she could almost see the conclusions forming in his mind; she just wasn't sure if he was drawing the right ones. SAM had only indicated to them that she was in trouble but not why, and it was likely that no one saw the blade at her side, only that Mashiar was arm-in-arm with her. They drew to a halt and Evfra took a step towards them, but Anjik laid a hand on his arm to stop him from descending and he grudgingly complied; the commander was one of hers, after all.
"Mashiar, what is the meaning of this?" Anjik asked. "When I heard the Pathfinder was taken captive I thought it more Initiative theatrics and now I find out it was you?"
Mashiar's blade vanished from Ryder's side and he stepped behind her in a most familiar way, nuzzling against her shoulder as his arms went around her waist to hold her in place. His spicy scent filled her lungs but the only thing she felt was panic; Anjik's expression grew darker by the second, but it was nothing compared to Evfra's face. The commander was provoking Evfra and she was very much afraid he didn't realize that Mashiar was manipulating him. How could she tell him that he was Firaan?
"I wanted to tell everyone about the Pathfinder," Mashiar said suggestively, running fingers through her hair before she could stop him with one hand, still holding her against him with the other. She tried to shy away from his fingers as he began to trace the contour of her neck, but he was standing too close for the move to be effective. He bent closer and in a low voice so that only she could hear he spoke into her hair, "Do you want me to go on? Maybe he will stop me, if you let him."
"Stop this, Mashiar, please," Ryder pleaded softly over her shoulder. She tried to squirm out of his grip, abandoning appearances, but his free hand suddenly gripped into her hair and she stilled. Her neck bent as it was she only saw Evfra from the corner of her eye, but she could see enough to know he looked murderous, though thankfully he seemed to be restraining himself.
"You know there is only one way to stop me," Mashiar replied just as softly. "You can still choose me, if you want."
"That's… your business, Mashiar, take it somewhere else," Anjik said, looking confused and a little perturbed at the display. Clearly she thought that all of this had been a false alarm and she began to turn away to give the command to stand down.
Mashiar smiled at her. "But I wanted to share something special about her with everyone. You see," he hand reached around her shoulders to caress her cheek, "I confess I find her very fascinating…"
"What do I have to do?" Ryder asked him hastily, panicked. She was willing to let her dignity die here in the eyes of the angara, even go with him if that's what it took, but if he managed to goad Evfra into joining her all would be lost.
"Why don't you tell us about how you like to toy with us?" Mashiar asked in a loud enough voice that everyone could hear.
Ryder froze, casting around in her mind how she could possibly diffuse the situation, but she realized that the only thing she could do was let this happen. Still, a stubborn seed in her didn't allow her to just casually give in the way he wanted… she required an explanation. Squaring her shoulders and tilting her chin in the air, she locked eyes with Evfra, giving him an infinitesimal shake of the head to stop him from interfering. He just glared back at her and she was afraid that nothing she could do or say would be enough to stop him.
"I don't know what you mean," she said, but his fingers went to her throat; it felt like a threat, but she knew that to the others it looked very different.
"What have you discovered?" Ashae demanded.
"You like your angarans, don't you? How many of us have you used to further the Initiative's schemes?" Mashiar asked, and, arm tightening painfully around her waist, added with a hiss, "Except of course, you only like to tease me…"
"Mashiar, what are you trying to prove here?" Anjik demanded impatiently. "Are you saying the Pathfinder has been seducing her way to…"
"Get your hands off her," Evfra growled suddenly, jerking his arm away from Anjik's prohibitive snatch at him and he strode up to the pair of them.
"Evfra, no," Ryder pleaded, but he ignored her, except to grab her arm and firmly pull her out of Mashiar's embrace and behind him.
"You see?" Mashiar said cheerfully, walking backwards and holding an arm out towards them as if they were on display before Evfra could do more than make a threatening gesture. "Is that the action of an impartial man? You are all fools not to have seen it!"
"You!" Ashae took a step towards them, eyes bulging in shock. "It's true?" she demanded.
"Don't listen to him!" Ryder said to the room, to anyone who would listen. "Mashiar is not who he seems to be…"
"But are you who you seem to be, lady Pathfinder?" Mashiar demanded, cutting into her words. "Because what I see is our great leader, Evfra, protecting you like a lover from his rival." The smile he gave Evfra taunted and the Resistance leader growled, but the damage was done.
Gasps and mutters filled the room and everywhere Ryder looked, she saw incredulity and shock, even revulsion on a few faces. Even Anjik studied her as if only just then seeing her clearly for the first time, though her thoughts on the matter were hidden behind an unreadable expression. She tried to gently pry Evfra's fingers off her arm, but he wouldn't release it; his eyes were also studying the room.
"This woman has been poisoning the Resistance!" Ashae said hotly, striding towards her as though planning to rip her away from Evfra the way he had from Mashiar's grip, but she abruptly drew to a halt as Evfra rounded on her.
"Leave her, Ashae," he warned coldly.
The lieutenant stared at him, stunned. "You can't mean…"
"We've always been a giving, accepting people," Evfra said to the room at large. "If you think this is wrong, you're welcome to join the Roekaar. The Resistance doesn't want you. We can fight this war alone, we have for many years, but we don't have to. And if I can save angara by accepting help from the woman I love, by the stars I will!" To everyone's shock, he drew Ryder closer and kissed her.
Sound exploded around them, voices of shock, awe, disgust and celebration all mingled into a tumult that washed over Ryder into oblivion as she struggled not to melt completely; but it was difficult to care about anything except the overwhelming joy she felt washing away the pain and fear of the past hours until she felt dizzy with emotion. He drew away slowly, his tempestuous silvery eyes filled with fierce certainty and love for her; he smiled slightly, scar pulling at the edge of his mouth and she couldn't help but laugh in delight.
"What have you done…" Ashae said behind her, voice filled with anguish.
Ryder turned, expecting to feel vindicated, but the lieutenant's face made her hold back. Evfra's eyes had fixed on the woman as well, his expression grim, but he still exuded a rock solid certainty that left no room for doubt in his decision.
"What I should have done long ago," Evfra replied. "All this secrecy has only served to divide us."
"You should never have let it happen!" Ashae spat at him, enraged and clearly struggling with herself. "I won't let this happen…" she added in a lower, more dangerous voice.
"Ashae, control yourself," Anjik said disapprovingly, also stepping closer. She hesitated for a moment, studying Ryder still halfway in Evfra's embrace and the Resistance leader himself. "This was not what I expected," she said after a moment, "but you have my loyalty, Evfra. I think it will take time for people to adjust to…"
"You do not have mine," Ashae interrupted loudly, taking a step back and casting a fierce gaze around the room. "Not everyone is blind to the poison this woman has tainted the heart of our Resistance with! I am no Roekaar," she sneered, "but I refuse to let the Milky Way aliens drag us to our end!"
"Ashae! We stand with you," a fighter stepped forward from the crowd and so did others. Many others. Ryder bit her lip. There was no taking back what had happened, but her heart still broke over how many separated from the crowd to join the lieutenant, which was easily over a quarter of everyone assembled there.
"Where will you go?" Evfra asked calmly.
"Away from you," Ashae responded. "We will build our own Resistance… and defeat the kett without you and those who foolishly place their trust in you!"
"So we are enemies now," Ryder said sadly.
Ashae snorted. "You never were my friend, human. Have him if you want, just know that you are the reason why our people have divided against themselves here today."
"Enough!" Evfra forestalled her from continuing. "She isn't the one recruiting followers or running away. Get out," he pointed towards the hangar bay and waited until all of them departed before speaking again. "I knew this would happen," he said to no one in particular.
"I'm sorry," Ryder said, but she couldn't help but feel immense satisfaction that she could hug him closer to her in comfort without having to fear who would see the gesture.
"Don't be," he said to her, then raised his eyes to everyone remaining. All eyes were on them now, quiet with expectation. "We are different now than we were before," he said to them, "and our brothers and sisters have left us because they believe in fighting alone. I don't share that belief and I will still lead you if I still have your trust, but know that from now on we will not do it alone."
"Are we going to fight them?" someone from the crowd asked. Ryder looked for the owner of the voice and saw that it was Veraan, eyes somber with concern. Clearly he meant Ashae and the fighters that had left with her.
"No," Evfra replied. "Not unless they give us a reason to."
"We stand with you to face whatever may come, Evfra, and with the Initiative as our allies," Veraan replied. Others joined him, echoing his sentiment. Ryder was a little in awe at the intense loyalty in their eyes; maybe Evfra had been right to keep secrets, considering Ashae and her followers, but seeing the response of those who remained warmed her soul. Nothing could take this away from him, not even Firaan could do it and that filled her with satisfaction.
One of the fighters stepped out of the crowd and looked directly at her. "The Resistance stands with the Initiative!" he said loudly, nodding his respect. She returned the gesture, startled and grateful, and more of them repeated the phrase.
"Evfra is true our leader!" a fighter said fiercely, glaring around the room to dare anyone to contradict her. "If he trusts the Pathfinder, then so do I!" More cheers joined her voice.
"It would appear that the Resistance still stands with you," Anjik said, her expression serious. "Voeld is yours to command, Evfra. It always has been. Ashae will not find allies here while I draw breath."
"I will not fail you," Evfra said to the room at large.
Ryder's eyes searched around the room, a sudden panic seizing her. "Where is Mashiar?" she asked, looking up at Evfra with horror.
"Did anyone see Mashiar leave?" Evfra demanded. There were mutters and exchanged looks, but eventually all shook their heads.
"So Firaan slips away yet again," Ryder said darkly. "Tajix died for nothing…"
"Tajix is dead?" Evfra asked, voice hardening. Ryder nodded sadly in answer. He considered for a moment, then addressed the room again. "If anyone finds him, he is to be taken dead or alive."
"What has he done?" Anjik demanded, startled by the severity of the command.
"He has murdered our own and committed treason. It's a long story," Evfra said, already looking weary at the prospect of explaining it all. "I will tell you the whole thing later. Before that, we must focus on what we need to do to hold what remains of the Resistance together before Ashae can shatter it completely."
"As well as help our friends in need?" Ryder asked.
"The Resistance will always stand with its friends," Evfra smiled. "Especially at the human Pathfinder's request."
"Well, this human Pathfinder does request it – don't even try to resist!" Ryder grinned.
"Your humor has not improved, I see," Evfra grimaced.
"You know you love it."
"I do," he said unexpectedly and Ryder smiled.
Firaan had done his work thoroughly, she thought, looking around the room. The Resistance was divided, skirmishes between the Roekaar and their allies were probably rampant, but they knew who he was now and that would prevent him from continuing the kind of damage he had done so far. Despite all they had failed to accomplish or prevent, Ryder knew one thing for sure as she looked up at Evfra: they would face the coming storm together… and it felt right.
THE END
[Author's Note: I want to thank my family, my Taoshay reignitedn7, my family on the BSN and all my wonderful readers – your comments, likes, exclamations and affections you have poured into R&D are what made it real and kept it alive, thank you for spending this time with my story! Keep an eye out for me, darling ones, I have plans!]