Disclaimer:
Thanks for all the support in the reviews I love you guys. I have had a very productive weekend and I am getting back on track with where this story is heading so without further ado, the next chapter. xx
Chapter 21: Jealousy and Guilt.
Jasper's pov
My breathing came in sharp pants as I collapsed into the house.
Fuck I was out of shape!
I had started my morning runs again but soon found out that abandoning the exercise for two months in favour of spending longer in bed with Alice meant I was having a hard time completing the five miles I used to find easy.
Although it was a good way to work off my sexual frustration, especially when followed by a cold shower.
"Morning honey you want breakfast" my mum called seemingly unaware my lungs were giving up on me.
"Sure, just gonna take a shower." I gasped out.
My heart rate calmed under the cold spray and by the time I joined my mum in the kitchen I was breathing normally again.
"So do you have many plans for the summer?" she asked me.
"Not really." I sighed, I had always thought I would go see my dad for a week but after his wedding, well he still hadn't tried to contact me, so that was no longer an option. "What about you?" I asked.
She shrugged "Well I have to work mostly, but Carlisle invited me for a weekend away."
"Weekend away huh? Guess it's getting serious." I grinned as her cheeks flushed pink.
"Yeah maybe it is."
"I'm glad." I told her honestly.
"You could come with us." she offered.
I tried not to shudder at the idea "Er thanks but romantic weekends away may be spoilt if you emo teenage son tags along!"
She chuckled "That and you'd rather enjoy being at home alone."
I shrugged innocently and decided it best not to comment.
It was four days before I got to see Alice again, she invited me round Wednesday night for dinner followed by a movie.
I arrived at five and was greeted by a very cheerful Emmett.
"Hey Jasper, how's it going?"
Well I'm kind of sad I can't share a bed with your sister for ten weeks and will probably want to fuck her brains out the second I see her but other than that I'm dandy!
"I'm fine." I said.
His face suddenly became more serious "How are things at school?"
I smiled reassuringly, knowing what he was asking "Ok." I sighed "They still kind of bother her now and then, mainly Lauren."
He nodded becoming thoughtful for a moment before he smiled "Alice mentioned you, er, beat up Mike."
The sparkle in his eye made me chuckle "Yeah, he didn't seem to be getting the message so yeah."
He shook his head with a laugh clapping me on the back "Thanks. I think I've said it before but I really appreciate you looking out for her."
Guilt clawed at my stomach, it's not like it was a completely selfless act. I tried to smile again and headed into the house.
This it what happens when you keep secrets.
I said a quick hello to Rosalie who was sprawled on the sofa watching some girly soap opera and headed into the kitchen.
I had been right. The second I saw Alice dancing around the kitchen I had to take a deep breath and tried to keep the breakfast bar between us so I didn't do something stupid.
Hmm, that skirt would defiantly allow easy access.
No, bad Jasper! Bad!
"Hey Mini." I called.
She turned to beam at me and that was my undoing. Before I knew it my lips were glued to hers pressing her back against the counter. She whimpered her hands tangling in my hair trying to pull me closer.
I'd forgotten how good she tasted, my tongue was desperate as it reacquainted itself with her mouth.
She managed to break away but my lips just trailed down her neck.
"Jasper." she whispered, half-heartedly trying to push me back.
"Ok, ok." I groaned resting my forehead against hers "Hi." I chuckled.
She giggled her fingers ran through my hair undoing the damage they'd caused "Hi yourself."
"What's for dinner?" I asked taking a seat so I could continue watching her.
"Chicken stir fry. You wanna help?"
I raised an eyebrow at her but she just shrugged "You gotta start somewhere. Here." she set up a chopping board in front of me with vegetables and a knife "Just cut them into strips like this." she showed me.
"Remember what happened last time you gave me a sharp knife?" I asked with a smile.
"Well pay more attention this time." she turned to grin at me "I've become rather fond of those fingers!"
I turned my attention to cutting up the veg, desperately trying not to think about that comment.
Dinner went smoothly enough, Emmett discussed plans for the holidays and invited me to join them for several trips out.
"If you want you can join us at the beach this Saturday, then we're going camping for Ali's birthday." he grinned over at his sister who was vibrating in her chair in excitement.
Her birthday was late August and I was panicking a bit wondering what to get her. But camping sounded fun.
"It's her birthday so if she wants you to come you can."
I tried not to look to eager "Sounds like fun, I'd have to check I've got nothing planned."
I wondered if me and Alice would get to share a tent. Doubtful.
"Other things depend on when Alice is going to be at the hospital as well."
"You're volunteering there then?" I asked her.
She nodded "Yeah."
"Me too." I rolled my eyes "Part of my punishment for fighting with Mike."
Yes I'm a sneaky bastard, but this really was a good opportunity for Alice.
"Oh really." she gave me a knowing look and I tried to act innocent.
After dinner we watched a movie and I was surprised when Alice came to sit next to me tucking her legs under her and leaning against me. It was perfectly innocent but I was still surprised Emmett didn't say anything. Alice had told me how much he'd overreacted when she'd mentioned going on a date.
For some reason he didn't see me as a threat. In Emmett's mind we'd been friends for six months and it hadn't progressed past that. I suppose he trusted Alice to tell him if it had.
The guilt clawed at me again.
We watched Zombieland and even though it was pantomime horror it still bothered Alice, either that or she just wanted an excuse to cuddle me.
I was reminded of the time we'd watched Saw, which got me thinking about our first kiss, which progressed to thoughts of other firsts.
Shifting subtly I tried to hide my hard on but from the giggle Alice let forth she at least had noticed.
"What are you thinking about?" she asked with a grin.
"I was just remembering that time I made you watch Saw and in punishment you forced me to watch Marley and Me."
The grin on her face let me know she'd got the hidden message behind my words.
Thanks to the lights being out and the way she was positioned next to me my hand got the opportunity to take a little exploration under her shirt.
Lace bra. Nice!
"What about you?" I asked.
She gave me a cheeky grin "I'm actually having the worst craving for chocolate mousse!"
I tried not to moan out loud. The memories that rose courtesy of that comment did nothing to help the problem in my pants.
"Good idea Alice." Emmett spoke up "I could sure go for dessert right now."
Me and Alice avoided eye contact trying hard not to laugh.
"I'll see what we've got in." Alice hopped up and headed for the kitchen. I would have followed but didn't want to cause suspicion.
She returned with four bowls of strawberry ice-cream and proceeded to drive me insane by slowly licking her spoon clean with every mouthful.
Fucking tease!
I couldn't keep my eyes off her and when a small drop dripped onto her chest I nearly died.
What I wouldn't give to just lean in and lick that off.
The lights suddenly came on making me jump and I realised the film was over, another I'd missed nearly all of.
"So what did everyone think?" Emmett asked.
"Not bad." Rosalie said in a board voice "But next time me and Alice get to pick what we watch."
"Good idea Rose, nothing with blood in it!" Alice declared gathering up the empty bowls.
I tried to calm myself down as Emmett went on about how he wasn't going to watch some namby pamby chick flick with some pretty boy lead actor.
"I should probably get home." I said as Alice came back in.
If I didn't go now I never would.
Alice walked me to the door.
"How easy is it to climb up to your window?" I asked.
She looked up from the porch "Not imposable but I wouldn't recommend it."
Stepping forward she rubbed up against me "Night Jazz." she purred.
"I really don't like you sometimes!" I groaned.
"You started it." she stated sticking her tongue out at me. I pounced quickly sucking her tongue into my mouth, her fingers gripped the front of my t-shirt as I slowly massaged her tongue causing her to whimper when I pulled back.
"So I'll finish it." I said winking at her before heading to my car "Sweet dreams Mini." I called.
After that first night I discovered a new form of extreme sport.
Whenever I hung out with the three of them I slipped as many innuendos and hidden meanings into conversation as possible without tipping Emmett off to the fact that, whilst he was happily studying in Seattle I spent my nights getting down and dirty with his sister between the sheets.
It was a thrill of the danger, I was dangling a large juicy steak in front of a sleeping lion and if he ever woke up and realised I'd be dead but I couldn't seem to stop myself.
I wasn't doing it to taunt him, I really did feel guilty lying to him, it was just the rush of adrenalin at every passing comment wondering if I'd see the flash of understanding in his eyes that would land me in the ER for several days.
It as pretty incredible we'd managed to keep him in the dark for this long, me and Alice did have a hard time behaving around each other, and her cheeks would flush scarlet whenever she picked up on one of my references to our sex life, but even she was getting a thrill from her first real act of teenage rebellion.
It was fun and dangerous, and the danger made it all the more fun.
One part of summer that was less fun was working at the hospital, sure I usually got to have my lunch with Alice which was great but she was here as a volunteer working on the wards and I was here on punishment detail taking out the trash, sorting dirty laundry and cleaning up sick and various other disgusting bodily fluids on a daily basis.
Alice was absolutely thriving in this environment, getting the opportunity to work and help people. Everyday she seemed to shine a little brighter.
One of the downsides to this, jealousy on my part.
At school no one really took much notice of her, she was quiet, kept to herself and was, obviously, a target for bullies. At the hospital she was more herself, the herself she was around me and people noticed how great she was. More precisely Jacob Black noticed.
He was a volunteer on the wards with Alice and as they walked into the canteen together one day I felt my blood boil as he said something that made her laugh.
That was my laugh!
My teeth ground together as unfounded jealousy exploded in me watching him touch her arm.
Why was he touching her? He didn't need to touch her!
When they both had lunch Jacob moved to an empty table pausing when he realised Alice wasn't following. Her eyes scanned the canteen a smile spreading over her face as they found me. She turned to say something to Jacob before making her way over to where I continued to stew in anger and jealousy.
"Hey." she chirped happily pecking me on the cheek before sitting down "Jazz are you ok?"
I nodded stiffly but it did nothing to remove the look of concern on her face.
"How's your morning been?" I asked.
"Ok." she answered slowly "We worked on the children's ward, and there is just the cutest little boy called Seth." she gushed.
Note to self. Kill Seth!
I shook my head quickly. Maybe I should work on this jealousy thing if it's causing me to threaten violence to sick little boys.
"Jake says I'm a natural with the kids." I could hear the pride in her voice, Alice very rarely received complements.
"Well if Jake says it it must be true." I spat out bitterly.
Ten seconds of silence followed as I tried to think of a way to force the words back in my mouth.
Risking a glance at Alice I saw her head was down as she played with her food.
"I'm sorry." I mumbled.
Her eyes flickered up to meet mine for a second before returning to her lunch. We ended up eating in silence because I couldn't think of what to say.
"Hey Alz, ready to go?"
I clenched my teeth hard as she smiled up at Jacob.
"Sure." her eyes flickered to me "I'll see you later."
"Yeah." I mumbled. Bristling slightly as Jacob looked me over, sizing up the competition.
He smiled in a self confident way and I nearly lost it as they walked out and he placed his hand on her shoulder as he leant in to whisper something in her ear.
I leant back rubbing a hand over my face. I was being stupid, Alice deserved to have friends.
This guy doesn't just want to be her friend though.
This time when the anger rose it was accompanied by a tremor of fear. Yes I was happy Alice was getting more self confident and was making friends, but what if it lead to her finding someone else? Someone better than me.
I really don't think I could handle that.
Alice's pov
Emmett was very happy I was volunteering at the hospital, he didn't say anything but I knew he was thrilled I was actually getting out of the house and meeting new people.
When I found out Jasper was working there as well I knew he'd planned the whole thing, still if it meant I got to spend more time with him I really didn't mind.
I mostly served drinks and meals and spent time chatting to the patients who didn't get many visitors.
Esme warned me not to get too attached but that was hard. There was one elderly lady in particular, called Siobhan who I loved talking to. She had no children of her own and her husband had died several years ago, so there was no one to visit her.
I could spend hours listening to her tell stories about her life or reading her favourite poems to her.
Sometimes I lost track of time and ended up spending all my shift with her.
Jake said I was too soft. We had quickly become good friends. He was easy to talk to and always made me laugh.
Jasper didn't seem to like him all that much though.
"Alice." he growled one night when we were hanging out at his house "I really don't give a fuck about Jacob fucking Black!"
I blinked in shock at the anger in his voice.
"What's wrong?" I asked quietly.
"I just don't like the guy ok." he snapped.
"Ok. But he is my friend."
He scoffed "Yeah, then some." he spat.
I recoiled like he'd just hit me "What's that supposed to mean?"
He whirled to face me anger flashed in his eyes "He doesn't want to be just friends with you Alice."
I nodded "So you're jealous."
He huffed but didn't answer.
"So maybe he does want more from me, that doesn't mean I want more from him." I said trying to sooth him, but he just scoffed again sparking my own anger.
"You know what fuck you!" I yelled. He turned to me wide eyed in surprise at my outburst but I wasn't done yet, not by a long shot "Do you have any idea how hard it was for me when we went to your dads wedding, listening to Alisha and the others talking about what they wanted you to do to them? Or the way she kept throwing herself at you? Or Lauren at school? Or thinking about all the other girls you've shagged?" I wiped angrily at the traitorous tears that formed "But I don't let it bother me because I trust you. I trust you love me and you wont cheat on me and I thought you trusted me too." my voice broke at the end and I let out a sob.
"I do trust you." he said softly.
"You've got a funny way of showing it." I snapped "Or is it because you just don't want me to have any friends? I mean you hate that I talk to Bella as well."
"It's not like that." he tried to explain.
"Then what am I doing wrong?" I sobbed the tears now flowing freely.
He tried to wrap his arms around me but I pushed away angrily.
"Nothing Mini, you are doing nothing wrong. I'm sorry." he rambled "I'm sorry but I don't like this guy. I do trust you but I don't trust him and of course I want you to have friends and be happy but I'm jealous and I know you think I'm overreacting, and maybe I am, but it feels like you're going to move on or something, find someone better than me." he added quietly "It's like, when he makes you laugh or something, I get insanely jealous cause that's my laugh, you only used to laugh for me. Or Emmett but that's not the same. I know that's me being stupid and selfish and I do think it's great you're coming out of your shell and making friends and I wouldn't mind so much but this guy seems to be on a mission to get into your pants and that bothers me."
He staggered back as I launched myself into his arms kissing him fiercely, his hands grabbed my ass as I wrapped my legs around his waist.
"I love you." I said firmly as I broke away, Jasper kissed along my jaw "I am never going to want anyone else." I assured him tugging on his hair to make him look at me "And for the record, no matter how much they may try, you are the only guy allowed anywhere near my pants." I reclaimed his lips letting his mouth and tongue dominate mine.
"I'm sorry." he breathed out.
"It's ok." I said playing with his hair "It's sort of flattering that you're scared someone else might want me."
He chuckled "You really have no idea how unbelievably gorgeous you are do you? I highly doubt Jake" he spat his name out "Is the only one."
I somehow refrained from saying a cheesy 'you're my only one' and instead spent the rest of the evening showing him just how much he meant to me.
The next day at the hospital with Jasper's words firmly planted in my head I began to realise that some of Jake's behaviour towards me was a little over friendly.
Not having the most experience in the friends department I hadn't really noticed and I really hoped I hadn't been unintentionally encouraging him.
"Hey Alz." he greeted me with his easy grin as I headed to the kitchen to pick up the drinks trolley.
"Hi Jake." I responded.
"Did you have fun yesterday?" he asked falling into step beside me.
"Yeah had a great day, went for a walk with my brother then hung out with my boyfriend."
"Hung out? He didn't take you out anywhere?"
I shook my head "Nope not last night."
"That's nice." he said sarcastically.
I ignored his tone "It was actually." I said "I know it's soppy but I don't need to do stuff every night. Some of the best times are just hanging out with him." a happy smile spread over my face as I thought about Jasper "I guess that's love." I giggled.
Jacobs face fell a little "Yeah I guess." he muttered disappearing from my side suddenly.
I sighed heavily. Oh well I'd had a friend for a few weeks.
I tried not to worry too much. I hadn't been leading Jake on, I'd always been honest about Jasper. If he couldn't handle just being my friend I'd have to respect that.
After finishing my rounds I headed back to the children's ward to see Seth. He really was a cutie with big brown eyes and a cheeky grin.
I wasn't sure exactly what was wrong with him. I never asked because I didn't want it to affect the way I acted around them. I knew what it was like to have everyone looking at you with pity, not knowing what to say. These kids didn't need reminding of why they where here, most of the time they just wanted to forget and have fun. So that's what I tried to do for them.
"Hey Seth how've you been doing?" I asked moving to perch on the end of his bed.
He beamed happily at me, one of his front teeth missing.. "I'm good. Have you come to play with me?"
Being stuck on bed rest wasn't good for Seth, he seemed to be a pretty active kid so I spent a couple of hours playing card games with him to try and keep him from dwelling on being in hospital.
I seemed to be a magnet for the little kids whenever I was here and soon several had joined in and I was able to make my escape knowing Seth wouldn't be bored out of his mind.
"You're great with them you know."
I shrugged nervously as Doctor Cullen came over to praise me and I ended up walking with him to the staff room to grab a drink.
"Are you enjoying working here?" he asked me.
"Yeah." I answered then decided to make a little more of an effort "I really love it, I'm glad Jasper suggested it to me."
He raised an eyebrow "He did, did he."
I bit my lip hoping I wouldn't get him in trouble with his mum. I knew Jasper was here as punishment.
"You enjoy working with the kids?"
I nodded "I enjoy all of it really, there's this lady called Siobhan I love talking to as well, but I suppose" I thought for a second "It's hard for anyone in hospital but for kids it just seems worse somehow, I guess it makes me feel good knowing I've made them happy, even if it's only for a little while."
Doctor Cullen nodded pouring me a coffee "Do you think you'll continue volunteering after the summer?"
That threw me, I hadn't really considered that "I'd like to." I admitted "But it will be my senior year so it all depends on if I have time."
"Well I think you should, even if it's only one evening a week after school. You obviously enjoy it and I know the patients like you. I've been getting rave reviews."
I felt my cheeks grow warm at the complement "I'll defiantly think about it." I told him before his pager went off.
He sighed heavily as he checked it "Duty calls, it was nice talking to you Alice."
I really hoped I would have time to work here after summer, I knew I probably wouldn't pursue a medical career, way too much blood and gore for my liking, but there were lots of other options out there that would class this as good experience.
I talked to Emmett about it that night. Rosalie was spending this week with her family.
"I think if it's something you enjoy you should keep at it." I didn't miss the way his eyes flickered to my guitar case propped against the wall. The elephant in the room.
Neither of us mentioned why it now lived down here, or if I'd actually used it. It was just there.
"If you think you can't cope with your school work you can always stop going to the hospital for a few weeks. I'm sure they'd understand." he added probably remembering he had to be responsible and make sure I understood school was the priority.
"I do like it. It's weird that I've never really thought about what I want to do when I'm older."
Emmett chuckled "You never did, when I was little I remember wanting to be a fireman, cause I thought it would be call to drive around in the truck all day, then I wanted to be a wrestler, then a professional football player." he smiled at me affectionately "But you never really wanted to be anything, you were a very logical kid in many ways. When mum asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up you just said 'happy'."
His face became a little sad and I saw worry in his eyes.
"Yeah I'm working on that too." I said pulling my feet up onto the sofa so I could hug my knees.
"I don't think you realise just how good this volunteering thing is for you." he said softly. "Not just for college or work experience but generally."
I kept my eyes down shuffling my feet nervously.
"That and having Jasper as your friend." he smiled at me as I glanced up "He's been pretty good for you too."
As our eyes locked I'm amazed Emmett didn't see the guilt in them.
"Em, about Jasper" I began hesitantly. "The thing is…"
"That reminds me do you think he has his own tent? If not we'll have to get another before your birthday can't have you two sharing." he winked at me cheekily and I knew he was kidding around, if he knew there was no way he'd let Jasper come with us.
"I'll have to ask him." I mumbled.
"What were you going to say anyway?" he asked.
I looked up at him, my big brother, the one person I have always relied on, who has always been there for me no matter what.
I opened my mouth but nothing came out. Closing it I swallowed "Erm, just that he hasn't got back to me yet on whether he can come camping or not."
Tears pricked my eyes as guilt churned my stomach making me feel sick.
"Ok, well try and find out soon. And about the tent."
"Will do." I chocked trying to keep my voice steady.
We spent the evening watching a football game, not that I paid all that much attention. I watched Emmett as he threw abuse and popcorn at the TV.
I'd tell him when summer was over. I decided firmly, I'd keep things nice and peaceful then tell him it was just one of those things, over the summer me and Jasper grew closer and… yeah that would be ok, that would work.
I told myself over and over. After summer I wouldn't lie to him anymore.
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