Fetch's small group moved quickly after their healing and reorganization was done. Fetch thought they had better chances of attacking as a group, then coming at them piecemeal. He also thought there were most likely more snakemen down the road. The ones he observed didn't seem that fast. For them to rush at the merchants like that meant they had some ways of slowing them or had more forces ready to cut them off. The cleric dismissed an idea of a physical mechanical trap. They would be more patient if a trap was involved. Fetch figured their original plan was for Samuel to intercept them. Then the hidden yuan ti would attack, while another group blocked the rear.
That's a lot of yuan ti for merchants he thought Even if Clovis was amongst them. Fetch didn't recall Clovis as being a great warrior or wizard. He was cunning, but cunning would only get you so far against brute strength. They must also have a way to block travel magic. Fetch could master some barriers himself, he figured the snakemen must be able to do the same. It would be foolish to attempt to stop a wizard with so many yuan ti if he had a simple means of escape.
Fetch wondered why so many snakemen. They had enough to stop 20 or 30 soldiers.
"So Ymir, why do these snakemen want Clovis so badly?", asked Fetch as they hurried down the road. " It might explain things, and help us in our coming battle."
Ymir frowned, but knew it was hopeless to resist. Besides , she was pretty sure Clovis would tell their friends" Hes working on a new forge. Not just any forge , but one that could change the north. Almost a thousand years ago , the dwarves of Khazag Narg grew powerful and rich for their ability to forge adamant . They accomplished this from the great forge they stole from our lands. Sure it was abandoned and left in monster infested halls, but we were eventually gonna reclaim it. Well two hundred years ago the forge was stolen, and a minor war broke out because of it. The war was indecisive but worse yet, the forge was not recovered. They can still work adamant but nowhere near the volumes they were capable of in the past. Well, it seems that Clovis had devised a method of creating a new forge that would rival the legendary great forge. My clan help finance it, but its completion is a long ways off. We were going to begin the first stages of the forge's construction. Since we started building the forge a year ago, the yuan ti had made several attempts on his life. I've assigned bodyguards to him, and hes also hired the best that money could buy, but it was too dangerous. We both thought it prudent for him to relocate to somewhere safer like my clans thaig. As you can imagine its a fortress."
Fetch considered her words, could that be it. Were the snakemen going to start creating vast amounts of adamant weapons. He could see how it would help with their vision of world conquest, but it would require lots of heavy and tough work to mine adamant ore. Mining didn't seem like one of the snakemen's strong traits. Maybe whoever had stolen the great forge wanted a monopoly on adamant. That seemed more likely but the snakemen didn't seem the type to work for others.
As Fetch and his companions continued down the path, the sound of a horn broke the sound of their march. Fetch knew the sound. It was Grommish and it meant ambush.
Hakon and his men broke from the initial assault of snakemen. Clovis try to gather as much of his followers as he could and use his scroll of teleportation but the arcane words erupted in flames as the magic failed.
"They've planned this ambush well", he thought grimly. He glanced behind and saw more yuan ti rushing behind them. The ones behind were dressed as humans , the ones in front were more varied, some were bestial half breed snakemen other were the legendary abominations, snake creatures the size of giants. He considered trying to make a run for it through the brush,...but that would mean leaving his precious crates. Also he was a horrible woodsmen. He would most likely be tracked down and killed with in the hour.
Hakon and his remaining men regrouped and tried to hold off the surging snakemen. They fought well, much better then regular Grommers. Hakon told them they were veterans and soldiers from other armies, and they certainly fought as such. A few of his own bodyguards took up covered positions on the armored wagons, and fired crossbows and dragon golems at the approaching horde. One of Clovis's wagons attempted to break the blockade. It scattered some of the smaller snakemen, but a large tail lashed at the cart, tipping and sending it rolling till it hit a tree. Clovis saw no movement from the still cart.
Clovis drew a wand of lightning from his wand belt. He remembered a battle in the north ages ago, where he fought on a wagon with his friends against a horde of goblins and ogres. Just like old times he thought, but his heart betrayed him, no this was different. When he was a younger man before he made his fortune, and restored his family's name and honor, he adventured in the frozen wastes. He was frequently engaged in life and death struggles. He grimly thought those struggles made him the man he was today. Those battles seemed different. He had his friends with him, and they knew they could count on him, as he knew he could count on them. It was different now. These men and women were all his employees of some sort. Even Hakon was paid to provide extra protection. He was ashamed to admit , he even briefly considered abandoning them. Things were simpler back then. His only true friend now was Ymir, and he rarely saw her. The rest of his "friends" were business associates, employees and sycophants trying to curry his favor.
He cursed his bitter life, and fired a lightning bolt at a mass of yuan ti. Most evaded the bolt with their twisting and serpentine bodies, but a few were too slow. Despite hitting them, they were extremely hardy foes and slowly got up from the electrical assault. Hakon and 3 of his remaining squad locked shields to form a barrier against the snakemen. It seemed to work briefly but a large falchion broke their ranks with a few swings. A guardsman was rended in two, before the other 2 broke ranks and fled. Hakon cursed the cowards and stood to face the abomination before him. The grizzled sergeant gave a war cry, but 2 smaller snakemen slithered to his rear and cut him down. The sergeant caught one his attackers, and struck him. but his blow was weak, and he fell lifeless to the ground.
Clovis glanced behind him and one of his bodyguards seemed to be at least earning her pay. She was an old acquaintance he briefly met in the northern wastes. She was apparently in need of a lot of cash, and he was in need of decent bodyguards. He figured if she came from the north she probably knew what she was doing and it was worth his money. It turned out his investment was paying dividends. The tall and beautiful warrior was single handedly holding off the horde of snakemen. She was like a heroine from a bard's tale . She was atop a mighty celestial lion, and was surrounded by a swarm of blades. It reminded him of the ring of blades one of his companions use to cast but was much more deadly and accurate. The lion and other guards she passed didst seem to be unaffected by her swarm, but any yuan ti venturing too close was mercilessly cut down. A snakeman thought it was clever to stay out of her range and used ranged attacks on her. But a particular large sword from her swarm broke off and dispatched the archer.
A frenzied yell of panic , interrupted Clovis admiration of the beautiful warrior. He turned to the front and saw an abomination grapple with one of his wagons. The horses were already slain, but the creature had its coils wrapped around the vehicle. He could see men inside the wagon , jab and stab the creatures tail, but their attacks didn't seem effective. The wagon creaked and suddenly it imploded. The poor men inside died painfylly, crushed by coils and splintering wood. Clovis knew his wagon was next, but he wasn't going to go down without a fight. He hoped his apprentice had finished his task as he fired another lighting bolt at the forward ranks.
The front of his wagon exploded as several bronze scorpions made their way out. "Kill those creatures!" , shouted Clovis with renewed hope. The automatons were suppose to be a gift to Ymir to help guard her clan, but he suppose she wouldn't mind that he used them in this instance. The mechanical horrors jumped at the surprised snakemen. Metal met metal, and claws met scale. One even leaped at the coiling abomination over the ruins of the last wagon. They fought in a twisting and grinding melee, but the abomination eventually emerged victorious. Not unscathed though, Clovis noted it lost large patches of scales and suffered bloody wounds. Clovis smile and invoked one of his few magical spells. The scorpion it had seemingly dispatched began reforming and after the completion of its spell it had fully reformed. Clovis knew it was a matter of time before they were overwhelmed, but he knew he was going to make them regret attacking his caravan.
Fetch and his crew saw the melee down the road. 1 wagon was on its side, and another crushed into pieces. He could see the snakemen's forward advance stopped by what appeared to be mechanical scorpions. Trip was atop Branndr and he reported that a cloud of swords and a lion were keeping the rear yuan ti at bay. Fetch thought that was odd, although it somehow seemed familiar. He ordered the group to form a firing line, and fire at will.
The rear yuan ti ranks were caught by surprise at the fierceness of the attack behind them. Frank and Ymir were both experts with crossbows, and each tried to out do the other . They both employed a variety of magical bolts and if it weren't for the deadliness of their game, Fetch would have enjoyed watching them. Trip proved to be a surprisingly accurate shot with his weapons. He used both dragon golems, before switching to his crossbow. Despite not having magical ammunition his aim and speed were the equal of the dwarf and the knight. Agni and Surry didn't seem particularly proud of their bow skills, they seemed more confident with sword and spell, but their speed and accuracy impressed Fetch greatly. He could see how the elven peoples fame at the use of the longbow came to be. Branndr and the other dwarves weren't exceptional with their aim, but they seemed adept at the principles of volley fire. The concentration of fire made up for their lack of accuracy. Although Tyris was normally deadly with the bow, her mind seemed off, she fumbled with her arrows and missed a few times. She eventually settled on just singing, but even her singing seemed to suffer. Fetch threw his hammer and was surprised at how accurate he had become. Or maybe the hammer was naturally accurate . It didn't matter , the sound of snakemen being crushed was a sufficient answer.
The yuan ti sensed the battled had turned against them. They began to panic as they were caught between scorpions and missile fire. The largest of the abominations, grabbed a scorpion with both hands and tore it apart. He threw the pieces away from each other . It lashed its tail at the remaining wagon sending it crashing to its side. He roared and charged the Grommish range troops.
It moved with unnatural speed, it was even quicker then the other normally speedy snakemen. Before Frank and Ymir were able to draw their melee weapons the creature was upon them. It grabbed a dwarf and threw him to the side. He crashed with sickening crunch against a tree. It grabbed Branndr, but the big knight held on as it tried to do the same to him. It tried to throw him a few times but the knight held tightly to his hand. It shrugged and smashed his hand hard into the ground. Branndr, knight of the boar, slayer of snakemen was no more. The abomination wasn't satisfied with his small victory and swept his tail in a large sweep,scattering and smashing the rest of Fetch's troops. The cleric tumbled from the heavy blow and found himself stunned and on the ground. He glanced and saw Tyris pulling him away from the melee.
Ymir staggered from the blow, but was not knocked over. She intoned the blood of her ancestors and grew to become a towering 10 foot tall dwarven maiden. She gave a chilling warcry and threw her handaxe at the large snakeman. The axe was thrown straight and true, but it was unable to penetrate the creatures skin. "It's fiendish! We need blessed weapons ", she shouted as she ducked the creatures claws.
Frank kicked up and landed on his feet. He wished he still had his old demonslayer sword. His flaming sword was good but would do little against a fiendish creature. He discarded his shield and wielded his weapon with both hands. He seldom used this tactic , but he figured he needed the extra power to have any chance of penetrating the creatures hide.
Agni thought along the same lines as Frank, he signaled his sister to fall back and support him with spells as he drew his trusty bastard sword . He saw Franks signal, and the both of them simultaneously charged the Fiendish Abomination.
The creature was preoccupied with the "giant" dwarf maiden. Despite her blows doing little affect to him, they still hit with great force and impact. Frank drove his sword into the creatures tail and was awarded by a spray of black blood. He was briefly surprised and relieved as the blood sprayed him . He smiled realizing it wasn't acidic or poisonous for a change.
Agni struck a mighty blow against the creatures torso. It drew more blood but his blade seemed caught in the creatures side. The half elven warrior tried to yank his blade free with his foot on the creatures body as leverage. Before he could free the blade , the creature slashed the half elf with his taloned hands across the face . Agni released his grip and spun drunkenly in a circle, until he collapsed in a bloody heap on the ground.
"AGNAR !", came a clear and angry cry across the battlefield.
Everyone stopped to see what made the noise. Even the abomination stopped. Suddenly a huge winged celestial lion crashed into it. It seemingly flew from the heavens. The lion seized the creature by the neck and shook it vigorously as it clawed the beast with all 4 claws. A tall tattooed maiden with seemingly possessed eyes was on the creatures back, she wielded a sparkling silver greatsword and struck the creature repeatedly. Spectral swords slashed the creature mercilessly at her command. The creature roared, and it tail lashed wildly around him. Ymir, the lion and the maiden were both thrown to the side. The dwarf barely kept her balance and stabbed her axe into the ground to keep from falling. The lion landed heavily on its side, and before it could recover, a monstrous tail had grappled it. The maiden tumbled and landed lightly on her feet. A claw lashed out at her, but she managed to parry it in time with her greatsword, before jumping back to safety.
Another volley of spectral swords stabbed the creature, as it threw the wounded form of the lion at its attacker . The maiden waved her hand and the carcass dissipated before it struck her. She readied her blade for another strike. But suddenly Frank , leaped at the creature, a glowing shard in his hand. His leap was strong, but it seemed to lack the power to propel him close to the creature, but just before he landed, it seemed a force pushed him forward and upward. Frank seemed to be as surprised as his spectators but he flew towards the creatures neck. At the last moment he lashed out with the shard. His graceful flight ended as he came crashing to the ground. The fiendish abomination stared for a second , then a thin line appeared on its neck. Great gouts of black blood poured out of the severed throat. It lashed its tail violently, but only Frank was in its range. The tail smashed him heavily and pinned him to the ground. The creature prepared to slay its tormentor, but suddenly the maiden threw her greatsword . It spun like a silver disc till it struck the creatures head again. The blade came to a halt as it lodged itself into the creatures neck . It seemed to be in shock , as its thrashing stopped . It collapsed lifelessly like a falling piece of rope.
Frank sighed in relief , and attached the shard in his hand back onto his necklace. "That's how its done." he said with a smile while patting the shard.
"Agnar! Agnar!", the maiden shouted in a panic ,as she scrambled next to the collapsed Agni. She placed both her hands on Agni and a light blue glow enveloped him briefly. Agni coughed and awoke from his bloody slumber.
"Mother?", he said weakly.
"Yes mother is here, ", Brita said weeping while holding him tightly.
The battle was over, the remaining yuan ti fled, the slow ones were hunted down by Clovis's mechanical scorpions. The merchant artificer managed to squeeze out of the collapsed wagon. Age and easy living had given him a merchant's paunch. He smiled as he saw a large dwarf girl dusting her self off. "Ymir ! Somehow I knew you would be the one that would save me!" He stopped as he saw his other rescuers. A cocky young knight was being helped out from under the abominations tail, he was boasting how he almost had it, and he could see a plain looking bard helping a young boy up.
"Frank? Tyris? FETCH? My stars! What are you doing here! You 3 haven't changed from when I last saw you...well except the hair? Whats up with that?
Their casualties were staggering. Ymir had lost 6 of her 8 dwarves that she started with. Fetch's squad lost the big knight Branndr. Surry and Trip seemed to be affected most by his passing. Hakon and his entire squad died from the initial snakeman assault. Clovis lost 8 body guards as well. Only the 2 in the last wagon and Brita survived. Despite the heavy losses, the mood was triumphant. The legendary and feared yuan ti laid scattered and broken at their feet. Fetch figured there were more , but they had suffered a grievous lost. A lost they wont be able to recover from for awhile.
Fetch wasn't surprised to see Brita, he was more surprised to find out that Agni and Surry were her children. They looked older then her! He had to remind himself of the time changes that occurred in the north. He also remember Cook, who was also a half elf, told him that not all half elves were the same. Some took after the human portion of their blood, others the elven portion, the majority took on a blend of both. Some even grew to extended proportions and instead of being the blend of both heritages they were the sum of. Many famous "big boned" half elves were known in the Grom , from the Mighty Zug , to the deadly Sarisha D'rice. Fetch was surprised that Surry and Agni seemed to have such a low opinion of their mother. Brita was one of the nicest and noblest knights he had ever encountered. He couldn't imagine her being anything but loving and caring to her children. She was fairly wealthy as well, considering her portion of the taers and the gnolls treasure, he wondered why they lived in poverty.
Tyris seemed to be a little calmer after the danger had passed. She seemed to be wracked by self doubt. He was about to speak to her, when Brita and her children came to them.
"Fetch, I want to talk to you. I've seen you met my children. I haven't been a good mother, and I haven't been exactly honest either. Seeing Agnar so close to death made me realize I should tell them and you the truth. ", she turned to Tyris, who was her best friend,"I'm sorry Tyris. Sorry If I'm going to hurt you. but you should hear it from me first."
"You don't have to be sorry. I know. I've known for awhile.", Tyris smiled and hugged Brita." They're lovely children like you said, they have their mothers heart and their fathers courage."
Fetch wasn't sure what they were talking about and what all the hugging was about."Know what? What are you talking about?"
Frank was finished chatting with Clovis, and decided to slip back to Fetch before they got him doing any work."Oh? You don't know? Surprise! You have twins!" , Brita's gaze never left Fetch and she nodded with downcast eyes." Geeze I thought you would have taken the hint when the god basically told you.", explained the knight.
"God? Told me? What are you talking about?", said Fetch even more confused. He looked at Surry and Agni and they looked confused as well.
"The guy with the fish on his head, the dream house, ", Frank was amazed his normally sharp friend was behaving so dense.
"He was showing you the fates, you were given a chance to ask a question...", Tyris continued. "I was there too, but I was hidden. I wasn't sure where I was and decided to stay hidden ."
Fetch vaguely remembered...he remembered the cave, the night with Brita, he remembered the oracle with the fish, he asked if he would have children...he told them he already had 2 and he wouldn't have any with Tyris.
Agni and Surry looked at him, Surry yelled "More lies mother! He's younger then us! He can't be our father . He would be over 60 years old now. I've had enough !", she turned and walked angrily away.
Agni wasn't sure what to think. On one hand Surry was right, Fetch couldn't be over 60 , he was a human, even with magic longevity potions the most he could forestall would be 20 or so years. But he's seen wondrous things today. He never knew his mother was capable of summoning such powerful magic, he wasn't the most skilled magus, but her magic was beyond anything he had ever seen . She didn't appear to age from the last time he saw her, maybe Fetch was really 60?
Brita started to go after Surry, but Tyris held her back, "She just needs time. I know what type of person you are. You care deeply for them like you did your father . You've sacrificed so much , battled so hard, you always try to do the right thing...and a broken family is your reward. ", Brita began to weep again and Tyris held onto her tighter "Things will be alright, look everyone is here, you've been basically given a second chance to restart. Treasure it."
Fetch's mind was still spinning . Were those 2 his children? Even though they were half elves they appeared much older then he was, and from talking to them they were over twice his age. If they were his children , he understood why Brita told them he died. He felt ashamed when he remembered the poverty stricken lives they led. He could have helped if he knew. He tried to get angry , at himself , or at Brita , or Frank for being Frank,but he couldn't, he just felt drained.
*Crash* the last cart was righted. Clovis began hooking it to his surviving scorpions. "Lets get to the Lake tower and have a proper reunion. Its too dangerous out here!"
As they marched back to the tower the group was definitely divided into 2. Frank, Ymir, Clovis, and the surviving dwarves seem jubilant in their victory. Surely just like the old days, where bubba demons and giant monkeys stalked their every move. Agni, Surry, Brita , Fetch , and Tyris were decidedly less jubilant and celebratory. Trip was stoic as always.
Fetch couldn't look any of his "family" in the eye. He felt he abandoned Brita , he betrayed Tyris, and failed Agni and Surry. He wanted to make it right , but he didn't know how. Brita walked up to Fetch and gently touched his arm. He turned and smiled but was speechless. "Its my fault you know, I lied to my children and I lied to you. You shouldn't blame yourself, you didn't know , I didn't want you to know. " ,She called for Agni and Surry, but only Agni came.
She tried to summon Surry again but she refused to come. The sorceress sighed and she began to tell her tale . Her story was mostly directed at Agni but it seemed she just wanted her tale to be known. "After our tryst at the taer caves, we parted ways. I followed your grandfather, the infamous Sir Hildraxel terror of the north lands. After a few weeks I knew something was wrong and I knew I was with child. I bid my father farewell and told him I would seek him out again. It was a dangerous and deadly trip but I eventually escaped the northern wastes and mists. I found my way to where my people had fled to after your grandfather killed and scattered them. My mothers old servants were there, and they helped me raise you 2. I know now that I foolishly put my faith in them. I gave them the treasure I had won to help with the costs of raising you 2 the best I could. A knight of the lion is given very little training in monetary matters I'm afraid. Soon we ran out of money and I was forced to adventure in the dwarven and Grommish lands to support my family. It was profitable but I only adventured when I had to. The rest of the time I spent with the 2 joys in my life. Things were hard , but we were happy. However events change. I was given word, that the fate of the world hung in the balance and I was needed in the great host to battle the demon gnoll horde. I saw first hand the destruction the horde was capable of and I knew if the host had failed, all of the north then all of Grom would fall to them. So i left my children in the care of my mothers servants along with all my remaining savings and left for the north. Little did I know they've been squandering my funds for the last 20 years. When the demon lord was slain and your grandfather laid to rest, I settled my affairs up north and made my way home. I found out that the servants had cast you 2 out and kept the funds I entrusted to them for your education and safekeeping. I was furious and for the first time I claimed my right as the heir to the last princess of the ice elves and demanded justice from the elven council . After hearing my tale and seeing my evidence the elders sided with me , the servants were imprisoned or exiled for their fraud. I spent the last year looking for you , to try to make things right. I heard from your friends that you followed the path of the mercenary but you were still short on funds to continue your education. I searched the mercenary companies but as you know there are many in the free cities of Grom. I eventually heard that you joined the army and were stationed at the dwarven holds. An old acquaintance of mine needed help going to the dwarven holds so I signed up with him...and here we are... I know I cant make things right with you and your sister, and I certainly don't expect you to understand what I've done...I just want you to know I love you two and I want to make things right for you."
Tyris supported her friend and gave her a light kiss on the cheek. Fetch wondered if she felt betrayed or angry that her best friend was the mother of her husband's children. Tyris gave no indication she was, and hiding emotion and bluffing wasn't one of her stronger abilities.
Agni, marched with them wordless. Finally he spoke,"Mother , I believe your story. Surry and I were happy till you left, things went down hill really fast after that . I won't tell you the things we did and were done to us when we were cast out. While living on the edges of society in misery and poverty , its hard to believe that the mother that had abandoned you was some great knight and crusader . The mistress of swords or whatever they called you. But ..but I'm willing to give you another chance. Surry on the other hand, might take awhile to come around. ", Brita smiled and hugged Agni deeply. To a casual observer she looked younger then her child and the embrace looked wrong. But to Fetch it couldn't have looked more right.
"I'll do whatever I can to get you to war collage. I'm told I have the ears of important people. I don't like to drop names but I'll do what I can to make things right for you." , stated Fetch. Agni nodded to the cleric. He had already won his respect a long time ago. Fetch thought it must be a shock to him. One day he thought his mother was a wandering vagabond, the next day he finds out that his mother is the famous mistress of swords, his father the "Great" Warmaster, and his grandfather the most deadly man that ever walked the north. He wondered if he knew his grandmother was a princess. That would probably make him a prince he thought.
As they walked , Fetch and Tyris slowed till they were at the rear of the pack. " How long have you known. About Brita and I , about my children."
Brita stared at him and smiled. It was a weary smile , something Fetch didn't think she was capable of after his betrayal and revelations and so soon after her near mental breakdown. "I knew when we were in the taer cave , she had your heart first even if it was briefly, I felt like I was the one betraying her ... and I knew about your children ...when Brita first mentioned them in mammoth keep, I quickly deduced who their father was . When we were in Kard's realm, he told me nothing I didn't already know. Except the part where we can't have children of our own. I was surprised that was the question you asked."
Fetch replied, "I didn't think he was a real god, I thought I was dreaming , and I knew how much that meant to you. So I figured I might as well ask it."
Tyris smiled" I have a confession to make. After the first battle a few hours ago. Where I almost killed you and Frank. ...After I recovered , I thought of running away..", Fetch stared to protest, but she silenced him," I thought of running far away, maybe to the mists to lose myself in its timelessness. Maybe into a pit somewhere so I can hide forever. The moment I lost control I really wanted to kill Frank...and more importantly I really wanted to kill you. I felt you were holding me back...keeping me from reaching my potential. No...that's not entirely right...my other self thought that. You can probably guess by now, my mental state is not all there. It seems fragmented and split.", she said softly with a bit of shame in her voice," I don't know when she will come out again, and if I'm able to control her . I really think she will kill you the next time she resurfaces..."
A long silence fell between the 2 as they marched.
"...whatever mental duel I fought with myself long ago. Tyris the bard was victorious . I must have forsaken whatever bloody path my other self was on and chose a life of song instead of the sword. I mean the dragon sword...Even if I left you , I'm sure you will track me down. You're persistent like that. ", Tyris said finally.
They walked again in silence, Fetch unsure of what to say.
"A long time ago I asked if you would leave me, and you said you wouldn't if i wouldn't. ..I believe that still and I know you still believe that... I know your not afraid of death, you'll risk death to keep your promise to me. That's a bit conceited of me to say, but I know its the truth...the only regret I have , is knowing we wont be able to have children together. I know its not your fault, you already have 2 beautiful children. I thought it would be nice...", the bard said sadly.
Fetch could tell Tyris was hurting from that last statement. "We could adopt...Lots of people do it. ..."
Tyris smiled an angelic smile, and leaned her head on his shoulder. "We could..but first lets find you a real job and a proper house first."