At 38 weeks, Katniss's fears were confirmed. The week before, when she hit 37 weeks, she went to her weekly appointment and the doctor told her the baby was still in the wrong position. She performed a sort of procedure where she moved the baby into the birthing position. Katniss was terrified, having been warned they day before that if something happened, she would have to get an emergency c-section. She'd clutched Peeta's hand so tight his fingers nearly turned purple.
But now, lying in the hospital bed again, she's told her baby has moved back into the breech position.
"These things don't always work," her doctor was saying.
"What does this mean?" Katniss asks, resting her hands on her huge belly nervously.
"Nothing serious," her doctor reassured her. "We'll just have to go ahead and perform the c-section."
"Now?"
"No, no. Probably around next week?"
"Next week?" Katniss's voice comes out as a squeak and she quickly bites her lip to hide her embarrassment. She wishes Peeta was with her. He'd gotten absolutely no sleep at all the night before. He was awake when she crawled into his bed and he was still awake when she got up for breakfast. The bruises underneath his eyes were getting darker and his cheekbones more prominent. Just looking at him made her heart ache terribly.
Her plan to avoid him utterly and completely failed. She was with him every night, squished up in his tiny bed. His doctors had noticed the bruises and the eight he was losing, so he wasn't allowed to have his own room yet.
Katniss forced him to stay in bed this morning, and she came to check on him before her appointment. He was sound asleep and she silently wondered if she was the reason he was up all night.
Katniss closes her eyes and sucks air into her lungs until she can't hold anymore. She lets it go in a rush, trying to delay having to speak.
"Don't worry, Katniss. We've done this procedure a thousand times. You'll be awake, but you won't be able to feel anything. After we pull your baby out, we'll let you see her before we clean her up and begin the process of closing you up. You'll have stitches and it'll be painful, but we'll give you medication. You'll probably need help moving around in the first few hours, but we encourage you to be moving in the first twenty-four hours. You'll be able to nurse your baby with no problems. You won't be allowed to take baths, but when you do take a shower, the incision will burn. Any questions?"
Katniss shakes her head feebly.
"Okay. How about next Friday?"
"Okay," Katniss answers quietly.
She leaves the hospital in silence, frowning at the ground but making sure she was taking the route to her room and not Peeta's. She doesn't want to disturb him-not when he's finally getting sleep. At the last second, Katniss turns on her heels and instead makes her way to her mother and Prim's room.
Her mother is there, but Prim isn't.
"Hey, Katniss," her mother says, shutting the book she was shifting through
"Hi," she answers, taking a seat next to her.
"How did your appointment go?"
Katniss shrugs, rubbing her hands together, scowling.
"Is everything okay?"
"I have to get a c-section," Katniss says. She squeezes her eyes shut and turns away from her mother, not letting the tears slip past her cheeks. She was tired of crying. She's done enough crying to last a life time. Her mother's hand settles gingerly on her back. "Why can't I ever have anything normal?" Katniss asks.
"Everything's going to be okay," her mother reassures her. "A c-section is a very safe way to deliver a baby."
"The odds have never exactly been in my favor, have they?" she laughs bitterly, her lips trembling.
Katniss stands up, brushing her hands over her stomach as a habit she grew. She just wanted to talk to someone, but she can tell it wasn't a good idea. It only made her emotional and she hates being emotional.
She pauses at the door, unsure what to say to her mother. Her mood has worsened since the morning and she really doesn't want to be rude to her mother. She opens her mouth to tell her she was going back to her room, but it seems her mouth has different plans.
"I'm so scared," she breathes, her fingers tightening against the door handle until her fingers are white.
Her mother meets her at the door and wraps her arms around her. For the first time in years, Katniss allows herself to be comforted by the mother who was rarely there for her as a child.
Friday morning rolls around and Katniss is sitting up in her bed, holding her pillow against her chest, frowning deeply. Johanna looks at her, trying to mimic her look. Neither of them slept at all.
A few days before, Johanna was training in this area that knew your weaknesses. Katniss doesn't know the details exactly, but it had something to do with water and Johanna had a breakdown. She heard from Peeta that she was soaked in water before being tortured with electroshocks when she was a prisoner in the Capitol.
She was kept in the hospital for a few days before being released. The night before was her first night back in her and Katniss's room and Katniss had a feeling that neither of them were going to sleep.
Katniss's stomach grumbles in complaint. She wasn't allowed to eat anything after midnight and her stomach was just crying for food. The baby didn't seem too happy about it either, and she was just as restless as her mother.
"Do me a favor," Johanna says, flipping herself on her back and hanging over the side of her bed. "Don't bring that baby in here. The last thing we need is three crying children in this room."
Katniss laughs, grown accustomed to Johanna's strange sense of humor.
"Hey, since you're more than likely going to move out so you can have your happy family, feel free to tell your cousin he can take your place. It does get quite lonely here. I could use his company." Johanna winks at Katniss and strikes a provocative pose.
Katniss bites back another laugh, choosing not to tell her that she and her "cousin" aren't exactly on speaking terms. She thinks about what Johanna said about moving out after she has the baby. She didn't even think about the rooms. No doubt Johanna seriously didn't want a baby in the room to take away what little sleep she could get. Katniss chooses not to worry about the room situation at this moment. Instead, she stands up, dropping her pillow back on her bed. Her doctor said to come right after breakfast is over (even though she's not allowed to eat) and she could hear people returning from the dining area.
"Good luck," Johanna says, running her fingers over the short hair that was beginning to grow on her head.
"Thanks," Katniss tells her, wondering if "good luck" was the sort of thing to tell someone in her situation. She wasn't sure, but she was thankful that Johanna actually cared.
Katniss takes the elevator to the hospital, twisting her fingers nervously, trying her best not to think about the surgery. She tries to focus on the fact that she was going to see her daughter in a short amount of time.
As much as that was exciting, it was also terrifying. Katniss wasn't ready to be a mother. She wasn't sure she was going to be a good one, either.
Stop worrying, she scolds herself as the elevator doors open. Either way, this baby is yours.
Once Katniss reaches her room, she's informed of the epidural and anesthesia she's going to be put under. Just as her doctor hands her the hospital gown she's supposed to change into, the door opens. She turns, clutching the gown, to see Peeta standing in the doorway.
Katniss rushes over to him and he pulls her into his arms, kissing her forehead. She takes a few deep breaths before she pulls away and swallows. She slides into the bathroom to change into the gown, but her fingers are shaking so bad she can hardly tie the strings on the back.
"Peeta," she whispers, poking her head out of the door. "Will you help me?"
Using one hand to keep the back from opening, Katniss steps back to allow Peeta to squeeze into the tiny bathroom. He ties the strings together easily, his hands so steady compared to hers.
Her heart slams against her ribs as a woman takes Katniss's temperature, pulse, respirations and blood pressure. She listens to her heart and lungs and then places a fetal heart monitor to listen to her baby's heartbeat. Katniss forces herself to stay calm. Peeta stands nervously next to her, unsure exactly what he's supposed to be doing.
They're led into the operating room just next door and the same woman who took her vitals explains the medicine they'll use on Katniss to make her numb. She's hooked up to different machines she's never seen before and then she's instructed to push her chin against her chest and arch her back. There's some pinching and burning until her doctor tells her she's done and she can lie down now.
"I'm scared," she tells Peeta, her voice shaking slightly. She feels tears slide down her temples and wet her hair. Peeta brushes her hair away from her face gently, soothingly.
A few more doctors find their way to the room. They don't look like doctors to Katniss-they're all still wearing the grey clothes administered by the district. Katniss stares up at the bright lights trained down on her as a cloth is lifted so shield her eyes from her stomach. They make Peeta change into a clean pair of clothes before they sterilize her.
"Can you feel this at all?" her doctor asks. She assumes he's poking at her skin, and she waits a moment to make sure she can't feel anything.
"No," Katniss answers.
A few minutes pass of silence and she knows they've begun. Her eyes flutter shut, her fingers clutching Peeta's. He glances behind the cloth and winces.
"How's it looking, doctor?" she whispers to him.
Peeta laughs, touching her cheek. The world seems hazy to her and she wonders if it's a result of the medicine or her fear.
"Are you scared?" she asks him, hoping she's not the only one. She seems like the only one because everyone else is so calm and sure.
"A little," Peeta answers. The fingers of his free hand slide up and down her arm just as she begins to feel tugging on her stomach. It feels strange, but there's no pain.
"You're going to be great, I know it," Katniss says. She wasn't worried about Peeta at all. She knew he could handle being a father fantastically.
"Oh," Peeta says suddenly, taking a step back. Katniss feels a rush of pressure and panic sets in.
"What?" Katniss asks, trying to pull him back. "What is it?"
And then she hears it. The crying of a baby. The doctor lifts the baby high enough so that Katniss can see her and then she's handed over to someone else. Peeta's wide eyes follow her, his mouth slightly open.
"Oh wow, Katniss," he says. "She's beautiful."
And then she's handed over to Peeta, wrapped up in a starch white blanket with a tiny hat placed on her head. Peeta steps close to Katniss, lowering his arms slightly so she can see.
Her baby's eyes are dark blue and squinty as she looks around. The hair peeking from underneath her cap is dark, hair like Katniss's. Katniss lifts her hand and touches her baby's cheek, smiling.
"We're going to close you up now, Katniss," one of the doctors say, but she's not exactly listening. It feels strange to look at her daughter-to finally see her after so long. Peeta seems completely blown away.
"Names?" he asks her, raising his eyebrows slightly.
"Sage," Katniss answers. The name had been stuck in the back of her mind since Prim pointed it out. "I like Sage."
Peeta looks down at her before the corners of his lips rise. "Sage," he repeats, testing it out. "It's beautiful."
And then Katniss is crying again, feeling silly, but she can't stop the tears. Her daughter was here, healthy and alive, and that was all Katniss wanted.
Eventually, all the machines are unhooked and Katniss is wheeled into a separate room with Peeta and Sage following her. Her eyes are heavy and the doctor tells her it's because of the medication.
"Go to sleep," Peeta whispers to her once they're alone. "I'm sure you stayed up all night."
Katniss attempts to scowl at him but she's not sure how it comes out because he laughs.
"Let me see her first," Katniss says. Peeta carefully settles Sage on Katniss's chest. She was still completely numb, so she couldn't sit up yet. But she holds Sage against her chest gently.
Katniss isn't sure how long she studies her daughter's face, but she gets to the conclusion that she neither looks like Peeta or herself. Her face is soft and round, too young to see any similarities to her parents. The only thing Katniss knows is that they have the same hair. Her eyes are blue, but of course most babies are born with blue eyes. They could turn grey in a few months or remain blue.
But Katniss had to agree with Peeta-she was beautiful.
Peeta lifts Sage off of Katniss's chest and kisses her forehead. "Get some sleep," he tells her. And, after fighting it for a few minutes, she does.
SHE HAS ARRIVED
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