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I need a Beta. How do I get one?

Okay, I've started City of Fallen Angels. I'm just going to say (because I'm a pessimistic jerk like this, as we all know) I'm disappointed. I want to punch Jace in the face.

Jace: Er… Madi…

Madi: What? You're pansy-assed douche bag! Someone has to tell it to you straight. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Jace: I've just got a lot of stuff –

Madi: *does roundhouse kick on Jace's face* Pansy-ass white boy! I'm taking you to the nearest bar to help you get some of your dignity and-slash-or manhood back. God! What the fuck? I can't even look at you!

As you can see, Madi has also found this… troubling.

ShoutOuts ~

Bookninja15: Frexing… Sounds similar to 'canoodling' if you ask me. Yay for laughter! It's 'exquisite', if you must know. I was a horrible speller before I was introduced to the awesomeness of spell check. I can now say writing has helped me become a better person. xD

klaus-is-eipic: I know you're not homosexual lol. Haha, 'special ed'. Love it. Calice is eleven. It talks about that on the blog. And no, Ben Barnes is mine, regardless of what you or Madi say. Somehow, I believe this is going to end up like Pirates of the Caribbean where we do a sword fight between the three of us. Can you imagine us slinging a tall, hot guy around while we clash swords? Oh my God, I'm in love with this mental image. Thanks! I needed that.

~ THEMESONGS ~

You Just Can't Win ~ The Dead Weather

I'm Not Okay (I Promise) ~ My Chemical Romance

.M.I.W.

The Letter

Meliorn,

Yes, in case you were wondering, it IS like… 4:30 in the morning. I can't really seem to get used to my old sleeping schedule. But, I guess I'd be going to bed around this time during summer vacation anyways.

Summer vacation. Think about that for a moment, would you? Yeah, only mundane kids go to school. Shadowhunters don't. Well, here's an interesting bit of information you'd probably never guess in a million years. I'm not a Shadowhunter. Not even close. I have NO trace of Nephilim blood in me. At all. In all facts and pretenses, I'm a mundane. I don't have the powers of Shadowhunters or any other of these magical creatures you see running around. In fact, I don't even belong in your world at all.

You see…this WHOLE experience happened in a matter of fate. Let me elaborate.

Last year, during my summer vacation, I was in my grandmother's house, in her garage, getting a bottle of water from the fridge. While I was getting this said bottle of water, a demon attacked me. Of course, being the stupid girl I have no idea why you have feelings for, I decided to fight it with a tree limb cutter. It fled through a portal, and as a result, I got sucked in too.

And that's how I came to your world for the first time.

The reason why I knew who you were when we first met, though, is an entirely different matter.

In my world, you're a book character. The whole world you lived in was preordained by the author Cassandra Clare. I know! It sounds insane! But it's true! You can ask Jace if you want proof, he'll tell you the truth.

Anyway, I came to your world just after you and Isabelle 'dated' or… I just don't even want to know, okay? I fought in the demon attack in Alincante, and went home.

After that adventure, I had two others. One was where I ended up in another book, Eclipse (which I realize is a book in your universe too). There I fought vampires and hung out with werewolves. Nothing too exciting there. I hate that book, you know that right?

Then, I went into another book called Maximum Ride, which also explains what happened to me in that cell, and why I was all… robotic and emotionless and all that great stuff. An evil doctor (this all sounds so fake, I'm sorry) by the name of Gunther-Hagen, injected some serum in me. It was supposed to make me stronger, faster, do everything better. Like I had adrenaline in my system all the time.

Except… the serum didn't work the way he'd hoped. Instead, this serum mixes with my natural adrenaline when I get too wound up, and after its amazing super-SUPER effects end, my body tries to purge itself of whatever's inside me. Meaning I throw up blood. Doesn't that sound romantic?

When I came back to this world (because Jace brought me here so I could go to Jocelyn and Luke's wedding), things went out of control. All of the fighting was making me sick. I had to find a way to at least cap my emotions so I didn't have to go through all of the pain and lose all of the blood in me. I asked Magnus to put a spell on me. Little did I know the spell worked TOO well, and I became the emotionless rock you saw.

But one thing you don't know, Meliorn, is that before whatever the hell did happen to me in that fight before I was knocked out (by the way, how did that even happen?), was that you made me come alive. You made me FEEL again. I'll never forget that.

I'll never forget when you came into my cell when I was dying, when the spell was turning into a curse, and you ran in. I don't… I can't… I can't put into words how that made me feel. When Magnus broke the curse, the only thing I wanted to do was kiss you.

When I came to your world, I didn't know that I would work for the Seelie Queen, or meet you, much less fall in love with you.

That's right, I said it. I think I love you. There's nothing much else to say after that.

I had to go back home. I know that when – or if – I come back, I don't expect you to have been waiting for me. That's stupid. But I didn't want to leave with you not knowing. I want you to know that my feelings for you will probably never change.

I don't want this. You have no idea how much I don't. The only thing I want is you.

So… yeah. God, I'm so stupid. You know I've never exactly had a boyfriend that I haven't kept for more than a week, right? It's because I'm always scared of the term 'boyfriend'. I'm not good at things like that. Commitment freaks me out. But with you… with you, Meliorn, it's just different. You don't make me feel like I have to watch my step. You're so proud, a bit of an ass, but also kind, ready to do things. You always kept me grounded and let me fly at the same time. You're everything I've always wanted in a guy… except you're not blonde. :) But I'll let that slide.

Okay, bad time for jokes.

I'm so, so sorry. Why is it that every time I find something good, it gets taken away from me? I sometimes think I'm one of the unluckiest people in any universe.

I wanted to go on a real date with you. Not the ones where we always end up killing stuff. I wonder what we would've done. Something magical and having to do with the people you've known and I'm in association with? Or would we have done it the mundane way? Either would have been perfect, I think.

I wanted you to know, so if I do come back, you'll know that you weren't just a game, a simple toy. You'll know that I fell in love with you when you were an ass in our first meeting, a guy that knows music, and could've showed me so many more things. We had fun in the meantime, though, didn't we?

I guess that's something I'll never know from your side. But you'll know that I did, right?

With Love,

Madi