Better late than never.
Thank you guys for all the feedback-I'm sorry if I missed getting back to you. I think I've developed a sort of intense social anxiety? Like, talking one on one has started to kinda kill me, and even responding online sort of terrifies me to the point I nearly quit a game that people kept trying to talk to me on. Still though, I love reading the feedback, and I'm trying to get my head on straight enough to make sure I respond! So, lo and behold, here is the next chapter!
Thanks again for sticking through, readers!
(I own nothing but my shoes and my laptop)
The chilled, brisk air smelled of ocean and night. Stars glinted lazily in the far reaches of the wide milky black sky, blinking out just to reappear, as they were known to. Deep voices murmured over the metallic groans, clicks, and whines from the ship. If one listened closely, they could hear the generator's heavy thrum below deck. The waxing morning breeze that pressed from the edges of the dark was brisk and cool, drifting over the slow, languid laps of the black water that slapped at the old battleship. Silver flashes of fish could be glimpsed from a weary man's peripherals. It was a good, early morning to anyone who'd seen the storm the night before.
A majority of folks hung in clusters on the deck. They played with cards in the low light or inspected the last bits of water caught by dents in the metal, and their shapes were bulky and black, some just outlines against the stars that sank in the sea. Kaia breathed the waking sky, listened to the water slap the sides of the boat.
Her neck pricked like the nerves of nonsense in her belly that made her feet turn to stone as she pushed past the old, rusty door. This early, and she was already stared at. She thought, for a moment, that she'd once craved that. The idea of returning was likened to the blinking stars, and just as quick to fade.
How dramatic.
Kurapika cleared his throat to her right. He dressed in his tabard and a pair of white pants that caught the bare light, and he leveled her a pressing stare from his spot by the main door. His arms were crossed. When she greeted him, he gave a subtle nod in the direction of Leorio, who was wrapping Gon's arm near the rails.
"Leorio mentioned something last night." He drew out the words, his voice light but distinct, almost startling in the quiet of the morning. Kaia tasted the breeze and looked where the warning signs of a sun were creeping a pale blue hue on the corner of the world. Although she'd never had qualms with open air, she wished, quietly and in the mostly ignored crevices of her mind, to be away from the sea. Away from people. She wished for a desert, or the long grass. Maybe for a ceiling. Maybe for a mountain.
The sound of water pressed on the boat.
Kaia hesitated a second longer, debating the offer of fleeing straight to Leorio to get her face fixed before the sun showed her bruises, but Kurapika sighed, and Kaia forced herself to relax as he moved, cataloging the dark shape in his hand before identifying just what he held up. She waited, then said, "you got me a book?"
He flipped the water-stained thing open, a sharp crinkling accompanying the pages, and heaved a deliberate sigh. "This whole log…" he turned another page, a cool, contemplative blandness to his eyebrows, "it foretold the storm's occurrence. As far as I'm aware, the Captain only made one when he abandoned his ship, this ship, to the island. Hanzo and I are the only ones who've read it."
Kaia shifted and shut the door behind her. It clanked noisily, whined with the rusted metal hinges, and she cringed. Hesitant, she licked her split lip and returned her eyes to the dark shape of Leorio. "Good for you?" A quick thanks passed her mind for the brisk air. It chilled the sweat that blistered over her neck and palms. Throwing up over a small interaction would be stupid. The cold helped her focus.
(Better than the heat that made her forget fate and burn—)
"Do the words, 'go underwater by noon', sound familiar? Leorio said you'd mentioned it before anyone had talked of collecting missiles… To add, Gon and Killua both brought up that you were the person who mentioned the signs of a previous storm."
To her left foot, to her right. "...Not specifically, just told what I'd seen suspicious."
He tilted his head. "You don't show the signs of living near an ocean. Leorio is teaching you to read. You have no books, and no mentions of any experiences unless it's from times you haven't lived yet. 'Muscles I used to have', or 'when I was sixteen'."
The skin below her ear itched. She pricked her first finger into her thumb instead. Sharp, steady, just enough hurt to get the buzz of static out of her mind. It nestled like a mountain cat in the back of her thoughts anyway. Dramatic, really. She wished it were colder.
The sound of water pressed on the boat.
"What do you want, Kurapika."
He shut the book, stepped away from the wall, and faced her. "Are you able to see the future? Or, have you gone into the past?"
"I burned to death when I was eighteen and woke up as a character I'd written in a story." She cast him a considering lookover, explicit in its force. "You were also a character. Like Gon, Leorio, Killua. Like Neko. So...nice to meet you, huh? Does that serve as an answer?"
He said nothing for a moment, and she jammed her palms in the large pockets of her startlingly bright yellow pants. A good color, she thought. A sturdy, normal, content color that was really out of place if she didn't want to be stared at.
Kurapika crossed his arms. "It's not going to help by lying to me. Don't mistake me, I'm not attacking you, nor do I have any intent to condemn you if you do have such a power, so there's no need to be defensive. If you can see the future, or have the capability to see a future, it would be extremely useful of a skill."
There was a flash of disappointment replaced with relief that, just as fast, paged a streak of carefully monitored irritation. Her lips tightened. So did her lungs, and well, she figured that was as good a sign as any to depart from the conversation. Best to not keep in situations that annoyed her, or made that roil in her gut bite her belly.
"Kurapika," she said, and tasted the words she wanted, but she must have missed the flavor, so nothing came out more than that. She swallowed, looked at Leorio, and tried again. "I'm just good at making a guess and acting upon it. Doesn't always turn out the best." She'd made a stupid decision. She'd continue making stupid decisions. She'd just work to be better. That's not cold hearted. "But, you know," she shrugged, started walking, "I'd prefer that to nothing."
"Kaia—wait, what do you mean?"
"...I." She stopped. "That's a good question." She furrowed her brows, then sped walked straight to the rails, where Kurapika, hopefully, wouldn't follow. "Leorio," she called before the blond could even be given a chance to try, "can ya take a look at my face?"
He made for a dark shape, lanky and long but folded awkwardly over the smaller form of Gon, who's large eyes glinted in the low light. Behind them, a reddish hue pecked stars away. A ripple in the water flickered for a second before stilling back to the contented lazy waves. Kaia swallowed the bile in her throat.
"I can as soon as I'm done here. What happened?"
Her fingers curled in her pockets. "Ran into a hard thing and broke my nose yesterday. Wanna know if I got it set right."
"What do you mean you broke your nose?"
She frowned. "I'm not sure how to answer that question. Like… I meant that my nose got broke?"
"That's not what I—oh, forget it. Well, give me a second, Kaia. I'm almost done here." Aside from a swift acknowledging glance, he didn't look at her, focusing on his task at hand. Gon's upper arm was mostly a mess of white swathing tied tight and neat to his tanned skin. The boy watched Leorio's quick wrapping with an amused, curious sort of purse in his lips before smiling broad and bright at Kaia, who wasn't sure what else to respond with other than a smile of her own.
It was one that reached her eyes, and creased the lids, and left dark dimples on her cheeks, but remained nothing more than a facial expression.
An expression, she thought mutinously, that should be feeling real, but she was busy being too dramatic to make herself actually happy.
A breeze tickled the stiff, salt-stained strands of her neck hair. Off on the side, a few seagulls made themselves known, bending white-washed wings in preparation of flight. Leorio muttered nonsense to himself, quiet like, and Gon replied in an even, conversational tone attuned to the morning. Kaia sort of liked it. The breeze, she guessed, and where the sun began tipping red paint into the sky. See, she could do this. A person just had to focus on the good in their life, and they'd turn out just fine.
The sound of water slurped and slapped at the ship.
Kaia's elbows rested on her knees, the tips of her fingers just barely able to touch the cold metal flooring. Because the early haze of morning had mostly brightened, Kaia could now make out the rest of the competitors on the deck. Lorelei over by sour faced Killua, Akihiko muttering by Hanzo on the far corner. Kurapika came to join the two of them, his steps slow and measured, still clearly in thought. Pokkle, Ponzu, and one of the large chested men started a new game of cards. They looked to be enjoying the morning. Kaia decided she'd do the same.
"—aia? Wow, you space out a lot," Gon said, and Kaia turned just barely toward him. "Leorio's done now. You said you got…" he trailed off, mouth parting softly, and Kaia looked at the shape his lips left and then his eyes, confused as to why he didn't finish his sentence. The sun was higher now, just light enough to make out the smaller details on his face. His brows abruptly dropped down. "You were in a fight?"
Leorio dropped the kit he'd pulled out. "What?" He snapped his head toward her. "Who—when were you in a fight? I'd thought you just got it hit—oh, you were being literal, you brat! Somebody's fist? Tell me who it was, I'll give it to them!"
Kaia blinked. For a split second, she felt abashedly amused and ashamed, and sort of like she'd throw up. A bitter part of her wanted to blame Lorelei. The stronger, better part of her, just wanted to get fixed. "It was a one sided massacre against the toils of my heart." She grinned, still felt empty, how typical, and let the falsity crease the corners of her eyes while her teeth flashed friendly and bright against the fresh sunlight. "Just means I gotta go get tougher, yeah?"
He grumbled distastefully, but got to work. It didn't take long to get her face washed, her nose pressed into a more proper position, and by the time it had finished, Leorio'd understood he wouldn't get an actual answer for who'd left the big black marks around her eyes. He was a doctor, yes, but the man also had a keen awareness and perception of those around him that let him determine quiet things fairly soon. Kaia figured this was one of the reasons she liked him.
Unlike Gon, who hadn't shut up, and kept swapping between a salty toddler told 'no' and an irritating five year old who just recently learned the word 'why'.
"You know, Aunt Mito said that you should tell your friends when somebody's bothering you."
She didn't hesitate, looking straight at Leorio. "Gon's bothering me."
"That's not what he meant!" He jabbed her shoulder. She chuckled, bitter but easy on her tongue. "Sheesh, you stubborn brat… We're here for you, though. You know that, right?"
A shrug. "You're here for a Hunter's Exam, actually."
He leveled her a glare and Gon whined something long and pitched. Well. He didn't appreciate her sense of humor, but she didn't appreciate...something. She forgot. Was she supposed to say something back?
"Gon! There you are!" Killua popped his head over Leorio's shoulder, mouth forming into a pleased half smile, then he looked at Kaia, and it dropped. "Oh. What'd you fight? A shark?"
"Yes," she said, in absolute seriousness. Movement behind him had her shifting to the side to see Lorelei, shuffling from one leg to the other, her eyes on everything but Kaia. So Kaia smiled, splitting her lip again.
"Long time no see."
The glare she got could rival a bothered cat's. "Kaia," she said curtly.
"Lorelei," Kaia returned in kind.
Gon blinked, then offered, tentative like, "Killua?"
"Gon."
Leorio pat his chest. "And I'm Leorio. Now that we have that out of the way, does anybody here know when breakfast is going to be done?"
"Yeah," Lorelei hummed. "When is breakfast going to be done, Kaia?"
Ah, there came that irritation, swallowing the nausea. Shame she hated it just as much as feeling sad. Otherwise, she'd just stick to being angry.
"First of all," she started, eyes sort of flattening out, "breakfast is fish fillets with the leftover lemon peels. It's sittin' on the counters downstairs for whoever gets hungry enough to look for it. Second of all," say it kindly, don't start a fight, "cooking is not my job, so you can kindly take a step back, friend."
"We're not friends," Lorelei bit out, "and if you started doing it then yes, it is your job, that's what responsibility means." She opened her mouth to say more, but a cautious look passed her features, and she side-eyed Leorio and the rest. Eventually, she shifted, and asked, "can I talk to you...alone?"
Kaia felt the bandage along her nose. "Don't see why not." She heaved herself on balanced legs easily to walk a couple yards down the rails. Close enough she could still see the curious, amused tilt to Killua's smile when he joshed Gon, and the cautious narrow-eyed look Leorio leveled the two of them, like a decidedly insulted hawk. Kaia scratched her neck and sat, one arm resting on her knee comfortably. "Whatsit now ya wanna talk of?"
"I'm still mad at you."
"Goodie. But my nose is still busted so I don't think punching it again will do much for you."
She gave an irritated huff, but stayed standing. "I'm just warning you, okay? I know you have Hisoka the Creep on your side or whatever, but like." Her lips tightened, and she licked them. "I talked to Akihika. He told me that the 'real' Kaia was stuck in your head?"
Slowly, she nodded. "That's correct."
"She's dead now though, isn't she?"
"That's correct."
"You didn't even do anything, did you. "
Kaia listened to the water slap the boat. "To get her out? No, I didn't."
"And yet I've seen you call your beloved older sister. I've seen you lie to that family. This?" She jabbed a finger at Kaia's forehead. "This is why I can't stand you. But I am trying and it just—I was really mad yesterday, okay? And it's your fault, because I heard about Akihi...Akihika and Neko and—You just—you make me so mad. I mean what gives you the right to just...act like that? How can you even walk around like this, knowing what you've done?"
Kaia squinted. "So...you brought me here for a lecture? 'Cause yeah, no, I'm not gonna sit through it. If you don't mind, excuse me."
Lorelei crossed her arms, blocking Kaia's immediate exit. "That's not what I—ugh, okay. So you're really bad at listening, okay. I get it. My point, if you would have let me get to that, was that if you send Hisoka," she swallowed quickly, "after me, Gon and the others aren't going to stand for it. Especially if they know about what you did with a real live person, Kaia." She sort of spat the name, like it left a rotten taste in her mouth. "I figured you should know that before you do something stupid."
A trickle of understanding twisted in Kaia's brain. So that's what this was. Lorelei just...didn't want to get hurt in return. An aggressive way to get a point across. Kaia wasn't impressed.
"Just saying," Kaia offered in a friendly sort of manner—the sun felt too warm on her back—the water was loud— "I ain't in control of my teacher, 'cause that'd be weird. So I'm not inclined to sic him on anybody. Since I can't. Because he's my teacher. For serious though, I get that you're upset." Because she did understand. She just...managed—coldhearted—better. "But, if that's how you're going to react to everyone doing stuff you don't like, how's you supposed to be a Hunter?"
"Excuse me?"
"Fighting," Kaia monotoned, "losing, winning, just stringing along in life. Stuff happens, people will make bad decisions, and things will end up dead. Are you going to freak out every time somebody messes up?"
Lorelei didn't do much for a second, just kind of stood there, processing-like, before an ugly twist slathered her face. "It. Has been. Two days. Since he died."
"Yeah."
Her whole face twisted. "Do you seriously feel nothing?"
Kaia's mouth flattened. "Apparently not. Stuff happens. Best to take it, and move on."
"Are you trying to—no, no, you do not get to just brush this off. Neko dying was your fault!"
A bottle of disinfectant clattered on the flooring when Leorio shot up, face dark with a glare. Lorelei's mouth snapped shut. She looked up, and up, at Leorio, who was appropriately more than twice her height, and angry stalking close enough that it wouldn't have mattered if he wasn't. "What did you just say, Lorerei?"
Oh, shoot, Kaia thought.
Lorelei hushedly whispered, "Lorelei", but it seemed more habit than anything.
"You," he jabbed a long finger in the girl's face, "need to apologize. What happened wasn't anybody's fault." He waited, then started tapping his foot. "Well? Go on. Apologize."
She grew a spine, "what the hell? Who do you think you are, telling me off like that? I wasn't even talking to you!"
"Excuse you? I'm older than you—"
"It's Kaia who—"
"It's you who is going way to far for a kid, and somebody has to push you into a better path because that is no way for a child of any standard to act—"
"You're not my mom!"
"I'm still your elder!"
Kaia watched the argument rise. Panic crept along her shoulder blades but she stayed where she crouched, highly aware that doing nothing was doing nothing. She heard the waves, and thought, I should stop this now.
Yet she did nothing. People were starting to watch. Bristles of unease poked up like goosebumps. Leorio shouted, Lorelei shouted back. But that was Kaia's job, to shout back? No, no, because control your emotions, she was better than this, she could manage this, but she wasn't doing anything—
This is her fault.
"She killed Neko!" Lorelei screamed. She was crying now, but there were no gasping sobs. Just indignant, angry tears.
The morning sort of...didn't seem so peaceful, placid anymore. Kaia listened to the water slap the boat, felt the pricks of eyes on her, and thought, I should stand up.
Gon lifted his hands. "That's wrong, Lorelei. It was the storm that—"
"It's still her fault! I don't care if she didn't do it herself, it was her that brought him into the storm in the first place!"
Leorio gritted out, "take that back! What happened wasn't her fault."
"He was tiny! Of course he drowned, that's on her!"
Gon frowned further. "But she didn't mean for him to die. So it was an accident. My Aunt Mito says—"
"Ugh nobody understands! Am I the only one with a heart here? Well, excuse me for caring!" She breathed harshly, glaring around as if expecting someone to agree, or disagree with her. No one did. The build of anger was palpable. "So that's how you all wanna play it? Well, if you don't care about a dog, you!" She swung around at Kaia, "What was your older sister's name again? Oh wait—want to share how she's not actually your older sister, Kaia?"
Gon, in the way he was, caught himself on that statement. "Huh? What do you mean?"
Kaia wondered how she should respond to this. What she could say to diffuse this before things went really bad. Maybe if she'd just stand up and take the blame—But then Leorio would—this is too dramatic for just a dog—it's not that she didn't care—why did everyone react so much more than her—
"I mean," Lorelei continued, "that she's not even Kaia. She killed Kaia. Isn't that right?"
Kaia face remained apathetically blank. She blinked slow, boredly.
If she lived on a mountain, she wouldn't have this problem.
Or, she thought, maybe if she wasn't dead.
Or maybe if she'd get off the freaking ground and act like she should—
"That's not true—" Leorio started but Lorelei wheeled at him.
"You don't know her at all, though! Come on Kaia, tell him. You can do that at least, right? How you took over the body of some twelve year old kid so you could play whoever you wanted. At least I wasn't somebody else before now! Oh, but you're scared, right? They're your friends, right? Spin something nice that makes him believe you."
Kaia didn't move.
Speak, she thought, say something useful. Act.
What would she say?
Ugh, this is dramatic. Just stand up.
Lorelei scoffed. "That's right. Worried they won't stay on your side if they know the truth, killer? Well, what about all of you?" She glared fiercely at those watching from a distance. "You know what happened, right? How does it feel knowing someone 'nice' and 'innocent' like her killed a fucki—"
"Lorelei," Kaia cut in, and maybe it was due to the quietness of the tone, but Lorelei shut up. Kaia finally stood, relaxing into a stance that left her almost leaning backwards, hands comfortable in her pockets.
Step one, done. Now to get her butt in gear and act like she should. Get something done.
Not just stand there like an idiot.
She sighed, the heat of it leaving whispers of smoke behind. She looked at a fading star. Took a breath. Lifted her voice so others could hear, and looked for something to say.
And, upon finding nothing, just offered, "Breakfast is downstairs, friends. Help yourselves."
Lorelei curled her lip. "Can't even deny it."
Kaia, slowly, scratched her neck just a little too hard to smother a different kind of itch.
"Leorio," she muttered instead of responding. The man straightened. "Thanks for fixing my face." She should...resolve this also. Be blatant about her decisions. "I...will be dropping out of the exam around here."
"What? Why?" Gon looked startled.
"Gonna go apologize to a stranger who lost her sister. That's why Akihiko was mad yesterday, Leorio. If you'll excuse me."
"Wait, Kaia—"
But she didn't, and they didn't follow her, and Kaia felt the barest thread of relief as she crossed to the other end of the boat. Then it toppled back like jenga blocks. Where was she to go?
She stopped at a rail, glared at the pale blue tint the world was taking on, and bit her tongue. Her neck prickled. Warmth tickled her back, raising hairs on her neck. Why, why couldn't people just leave her alone? Why the frick was there already somebody behind her—
She bit a little harder.
"Sorry," she muttered, focusing on the pain. "Breakfast is downstairs."
The person smelled a little like cinnamon and a little like ocean. It made for a nasty fish.
"Oh? I see breakfast right here..." Hisoka murmured. Kaia jolted into awareness and bleared up at him. He had a contemplative purse in his lips, the barest tilt to his angular face, an amused, curious lift to his eyes. "Hm? Are you going to cry?"
Kaia, right then, distinctly felt like crying.
Couldn't cry over a freaking dog but could cry because something didn't go her way. Pathetic, seriously.
"Sensei?"
"Yes?"
She...shoot, what was she about to..? "Do you know where..." she swallowed some nerves that couldn't decide where they wanted to go. Like her. They moved to her eyes. Frick, she wanted to have a good day, she hated...whatever this was. Stick to a mood, act with it. None of this wishy washy stuff. "Where, um. Somewhere cool?"
Hisoka watched her, eyes flicking to her brows, her shoulders, her nose, her left eye, then the right. Then he pointed up to the metal bucket thing that most would probably call a, what was it, crows nest? Where people looked for other ships from, in pirate movies. "Then, if you would care to join me?"
She did.
She followed him up the side of the building, tried to mimic the confident stride he held over the slanted metal roof, ignoring all the creaking, whining footholds as they passed each hotel room till they reached the top.
And when there, Kaia thought maybe, maybe today was still okay. The ocean had taken a blinding sheen to it beneath the ever increasing warming sun. The sky had settled on a pale, gentle blue, littered with the faintest white wisps of clouds that curled against the wind. Seagulls swooped and hung on the breeze. It was beautiful, Kaia thought, to be far enough away from the people below to feel, just for a second, like she wasn't about to combust. That there was one person out here who didn't twist her belly into knots she hated. That the people who did stay around here weren't always just...there.
Because Leorio was there. But he wouldn't bring her elsewhere.
Elsewhere is where Kaia wished to go.
Elsewhere, like up here, where the others weren't.
Today, Kaia would have a good day. She just needed to focus on the good again.
Where they'd sat was a small little corner beside a broken telescope stand. There was a sort of basket-like material hanging from the flooring, and a few standing poles about two hands worth around. Hisoka leaned against one of those poles now, his gaze out at the rising sun. Kaia's hands rested in her pockets. She could focus on this, she told herself, focus on the good things and that meant she'd be alright. Happiness was a choice. You controlled your emotions, or your emotions controlled you. The frustration with Lorelei, the panic at the confrontation, the apathy from Neko...
She wanted to be happy.
She spoke up. "Sensei." It was a little quiet, but it was clear over the soft slush of water and wind. Hisoka hummed in acknowledgement. And since Kaia had never been good at beating around a bush she couldn't even find, she figured to just go ahead with it all. "I'm gonna leave the Hunter's exam. Come back next year, probably."
There was nothing, for a second, then, "are you?"
She paused. Considered how he spoke, and glanced him over. Tall, compared to the people she'd seen so far. His hair shined a brilliant blood-pink shade, the yellow of his eyes almost glowing in the sunlight. He looked at her now.
"...Yes?"
Hisoka raised one brow. "Is that a question?"
"Well," she paused again, thought about a storm and a dog and a sister she had but didn't have, thought about a girl with angry green eyes and a ceiling. Thought about the edge of serenity right here. Frick, she loved being able to breath. "It wasn't, but I guess it sounded that way, huh?"
"Hm...you're still leaving, though?"
"Yeah. Can't...erh, no. I can stay. I just...don't want to."
A new look Kaia couldn't decipher passed Hisoka's face before he curled his lips into a long, stretched smile with edges of teeth. Something that tilted his eyes, something akin to a selfish pleasure seen by robbers or men with their power. He reached out one clawed finger. Kaia watched, waited, as it brushed the top of her head, tugged at a knot before sliding down to her neck, where it pressed as deep as the indents she herself had left beneath her ears.
The waves muted, Kaia thought deliriously. That's good. She hated the sound of water.
He brought his head to hers, pushing his lips against her ear. She shivered, a nervous coil in the bottom of her gut, but held still, stiff, while the muscles of his chest pressed against her much slimmer shoulder.
"You are scared?"
Kaia's breath stopped, then continued. She considered. Her next words were very soft, very quiet. "Yeah, probably."
His finger cut down the back of her neck. "Then why did you ask me to teach you?"
"'Cause you're strong?" She tried to pull just a little so she could gauge him based on sight, but he tightened his grip to five fingers, and she settled for curling her lip instead. She thought, hard and fast and about what the heck he might be talking about…
"There are many teachers who are 'strong'," she felt a tongue there, ew, "and much less...terrifying...to learn from."
Oh.
She almost, almost laughed.
"Ha, haha," nevermind, she did. She should laugh with relief a bit more often. It felt good. Focus on that. "I'm not weak minded enough to let my fear of a single person stop me from doing what I want."
There was a pause. His hand fell away, but he crouched at eye level in front of her, that same smile still painted on, but there was a raise to his brows that she'd only caught when he looked at Gon, or Illumi, or sometimes a passing examiner.
"Hm?"
She made to look him straight on. "'Sensei' means 'teacher'. I chose you as mine. You're scary, Sensei, but you're not the reason I'm leaving." Kaia offered a half, tentative smile, and closed her eyes. She remembered the glee she felt when seeing him at the bottom of Trick Tower. "I actually really admire you, Sensei. I get all warm and buzzy inside when I get to call you my teacher."
"Oh." All at once, all the amusement, the pleasure on his face, spread to something plain. The smile barely lifted the edges of his lips. The yellow of his gaze rolled up to the right, as if to ponder, and his finger tapped gently on his chin. "Is that so."
Kaia, subtly, tried to catalogue a proper response. "I mean," she continued and ooh boy nevermind maybe stop talking— "I'm...not at the best mental state right now. Figured I'd head home, tell my sister that I killed her sister, and then meet up with you back at...wherever you want to meet up at. So we can train. Or something. If that's...cool with you? If not, I can like. Stalk you. From a distance, I guess? Is...that good? 'Cause, again. You're my teacher. If. You still want me?"
"Is that all?"
"...Even if you don't want me, I'll probably stalk you anyway."
He still didn't look at her. "I see."
"Cool." She shifted. "So. Where should I meet you? For legit studies, since I haven't really been a good student recently. I...don't actually recall ever really doing student stuff. I mean you've been giving me hints and ideas and hey, look, I can melt my hand through a wall with nen now, which is awesome and whatever but uhm. Training. Yeah."
What the heck, since when were words so hard?
...This would be hilarious later.
Hisoka leaned on his heels. "Are you sure you want me, specifically, as your teacher?"
There was the subtlest, smallest wave of something that screeched death. Every hair on her neck struck up. Kaia's eyes dilated hugely, and her teeth showed as they usually did, and her heart seemed to cling to her spine but her answer was still,
"Yes."
The wave left. Their eyes met, briefly, then Hisoka looked to a nearby bird. "I see. I might be unavailable after the exam. What will you do?"
"Oh." Kaia frowned. "Unavailable like super busy? Or just you have no clue where you're going?"
"Both, perhaps."
"...Okay. That...makes it more difficult."
"Hm… Then wouldn't it be easier to stay?" The large man smiled innocently at her—not a charming half grin or a slow, sly lift of the lips. It looked nothing more than the face you'd see on a vaguely interested dog who saw its first bug.
Kaia felt like a bug.
An armored beetle, she thought. Because tanks didn't stay hurt.
She shook the thought away and considered what he said carefully. She wanted to leave, she'd thought this over already, but she'd...think again anyway. There was no shame in changing one's mind. To stay would mean, what? To maybe pass the Hunter's exam. To see Illumi show his face and terrorize Killua; to make do with Lorelei, maybe, and face Akihiko. Put off explaining Runa's demise to an older sister she wanted to trade for a memory that burned. To, probably, burn some more.
Hisoka pulled a deck of cards out and flipped through them idly, now back to leaning on the standing pole. Hisoka was strong. There was no doubt there—he was powerful, and confident, and could do what he wanted when he wanted and he didn't need other people to rely on him, or to rely on other people. He walked into a room, and people stopped to stare because he wanted them to, not because he simply stood out. He was...self assured. Didn't find fear in challenges. Took them, made them stronger, to break later. He didn't care if someone didn't care. He didn't care if someone cried, or broke themselves, or worked too hard. He just did what he wanted to do, and let other people do as they did, too.
Hisoka was already elsewhere.
To stay, would mean to what?
She flexed her fingers. Blisters from hard work budded on her palms. Sunburnt skin stretched along her shoulders, scratchy under her shirt. The telltale heat from nen swirled in endless circles behind her gut. When she unfurled it, fire flashed over her skin and warmed her eyes, sent goosebumps along her scalp, but it didn't burn. She felt it flicker and prick out of her skin, felt it smooth out the knots in her muscles, reaching down to every last piece of her to smother the frustrations and grant a soft, wind-like relief. Kaia wondered what would happen if she left it locked by her gut for longer. Wondered what would happen if she just—
No, if she let it just flame over her like this, she'd drain out.
Hisoka had shown her that.
So to stay, would mean to what?
...Ah, she was really being too dramatic about this. Too much time in her own head. Make a decision, stick with it.
Why not stay?
She nodded to herself, tied up the nonsense buzzing like nausea in her brain, and trusted her gut. "Sensei," she began, rolling lines of nen into bubble like clumps. He hummed. "Could...I'd, um." Her lips tightened. Words were hard enough when she knew what to say. Suddenly she didn't, and she couldn't speak at all. She could act better than this—no, no, stay focused, and just speak what's in her head.
There were too many words in her head, too many feelings she couldn't be sure were real.
"Could you…?" Hisoka prompted. Kaia scratched her neck and felt the bubble of life-force latch onto the contact, like a torch touched to grass. It helped to focus.
"Could I, um, act as your shadow, then?"
He looked sharply at her. "Are you staying?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah. So. Can I. Um, follow you? Like." Ahh, frick, that buzz of panic wiggled into existance. She felt shame splash her cheeks. Couldn't even talk right. Ridiculous. "I need—no, want, not need, I just want too—can." Take a breath, close your eyes, speak clearly, efficiently, the way you act. "I have been getting caught in my head a lot lately. I was wondering if I could, therefore, follow you around for the next phase, or two. It's easier to stay out of my head if I'm working. So. I guess, I'm asking for…" she trailed off when her brain shuttered to a stop, and almost cringed at the ridiculousness of it, but Hisoka simply turned his head to one side, and clarified.
"You want me to help?"
She breathed. "Yeah. Yeah, that's basically. Yeah."
"But of course," his smile came back, "I am your 'Sensei'. Now—"
Whatever he intended to say got cut off by a quick shout below, following by fast cheering and the like. Hisoka's lips pursed as he leaned over the poles to see the people down below frantically pointing off to the right of the sun, some of them dancing.
"They're excited," he stated.
"The airship is returning." A new, cricket voice replied. Kaia glanced, faltered. Gittarackur clicked and popped his needle-ridden body up the last lip of metal to where they were. When he came close, Kaia edged closer to Hisoka, who cast her a curious side-eye before gesturing to the sky.
"So we'll be flown to the next phase?"
"It seems like it." The man gave Kaia a wide-eyed, observatory once over. "Your toy?"
Hisoka scratched her head, his nails dragging through the mess of nen she'd let fester over her neck. "She's going to be my shadow for the next phase." He paused. "Does this mean I can dress her up?"
"No," Kaia declined, at the same time Gittarackur claimed, "Yes."
They stared at each other. Kaia broke first.
"Hey, I can see the airship," she said.
"What's your toy's nen ability?" Gittarackur asked. Kaia stiffened. The nails in her hair pressed sharper. Kaia breathed cinnamon (never the sweet kind—only the bitter, stinging sort) and hesitantly, relaxed. Hisoka prodded one of her cheeks while dragging her against his leg, so her head pressed the lilac cloth of his upper thigh, caging her. It was...a declarative move? A possessive sign, surely. She supposed that was fine.
"She unlocked her nodes almost two weeks ago," Hisoka spoke for her, and she couldn't remember ever telling him a time frame but maybe she'd forgotten, or he'd just guessed like the genius he was. "...And she can already move it so well. Isn't she smart?"
The other seemed to think about this and hummed, but conceded, and said nothing more. The whole while, Hisoka did not once let Kaia pull herself from his leg. It was an awkward stand, and she felt unbalanced and prickly at the constant contact, but she'd a feeling if Hisoka let her head go and took that step away, she might be...a little more dead, maybe, than she was now.
She hated eyes on her.
She was glad she could read body postures well enough to know Gittarackur cared for her less than she cared for him.
She kept by Hisoka, and breathed cinnamon.
Eventually, the little black dot of an airship came close enough to blow Kaia back with its wind as it landed on the main deck. When the three of them made their way down, Hisoka's hand never once left her, whether it be on her shoulder, or neck, or threading through the knots in her hair.
Distantly, she wondered if maybe he was just fixing her appearance. Maybe he'd actually try to dress her up later, she couldn't tell if he had been serious. It was certainly something she could picture him doing, though.
As long as it was yellow.
Kurapika, who lingered by the ladder to the airship, started for her the moment she made herself known. Upon seeing Hisoka, though, he stalled, then finally mouthed a 'we must talk' that Kaia diligently ignored.
They climbed up. Kaia followed her teacher, and unsurprisingly, nobody bothered her.
Once in the air, the previous examiners brought out a plethora of fresh fruits, vegetables, meats and water. Hisoka picked brightly colored foods, oranges, green apples and pears and the like, before claiming a comfy round seat for himself. On the edge of the big circle of people, Kaia saw Lorelei with Gon inspecting strawberries, while Killua and Leorio prodded at chunks of meat. Kaia pressed a hand to her belly, tracing the faint outline of abs. The same nervousness resided underneath her skin, but still, she felt no hunger.
Three days, then. Three days and she still didn't want to eat. She may be a fool, but she was not a stupid one.
Kaia settled for lighter fruits that were heavy in sugars and probably wouldn't make her barf. Things like grapefruits, plumbs, a nectarine, and a few slices of jerky she poured salt on until she mostly saw white. She wouldn't taste that, she thought, but her body would appreciate it when she needed to sweat.
When she sat, it was on the carpeted floor, just shy of touching Hisoka's shoe. He moved so they touched anyway (and it itched, why did it have to always itch, she didn't want it to itch) but it kept people from staring too long, or moving toward her, so she let it be.
Rather burn than face a conversation. Weak, really.
After food finished being passed around, the hotel owners stepped onto a small little pedestal by the big square windows, along with that mohawk man who'd examined them in Trick Tower.
He coughed once, twice. "Good morning, contestants. I trust you had a good night's rest?" He paused, as if waiting for feedback, but continued too quick for that to be true. "That's splendid, splendid. Well! Now that you're all relaxed from your visit to the island hotel, we will be moving onto the next phase. We shall begin with a lottery."
He gestured to his right, and the old woman stepped forward with a wide black box.
"This must be for the next exam," Kurapika, from the far side, whispered. Kaia thought, oh great, he's still a genius.
"This lottery," the mohawk man continued, what was his name, she forgot, she always forgets— "will allow us to determine...the hunters, and the prey. Inside the box," he spoke with his hands, Kaia noted. They swiftly darted to left or right, higher or lower depending on his tone, while his face remained almost completely still. "There are 27 numbered cards. These numbers are just the ones given to you at the beginning of the competition. You will all pick a card. You will draw in the order you arrived at the bottom of Trick Tower. The first person to finish, please step forward."
Despite having grown comfortable in her spot, Kaia rose up and trotted to the box. A few folks muttered uneasily upon seeing her move, but the dismissals (she is with the clown—I knew there was something strange with her—what kind of twelve year old would really make it this far if not a monster?) were quick and without abandon. She shook her head, bit her tongue, and drew a tag. Red on one side, a blank clip-cover on the other. She left it covered.
Just as swiftly as she'd come, Kaia returned to her seat, and got comfortable. Hisoka went next, followed by Lorelei (another one? Sheesh, what's with the 12 year olds…), then Gittarackur, and soon after, all the cards were passed out. Instructions went on same as she recalled from the fuzzy blocks of her memory.
Your tag worth three points. Target's tag worth three points. Anything extra worth one. You need six points to pass. Win by any means necessary.
She wondered how many people would die.
"Now," the mohawk man clapped for attention once again, "you may uncover your cards, or check later. The numbers you drew have already been recorded inside this box. I would tell you to relax, but in just a moment we are going to dock on another ship, which will take you to the next phase—" he paused when the airship rumbled to a stop, and he gestured to the window with a wide arc of his hand. "Ah, here we are. If you'll all go outside now, we can begin the trip to the next exam. Not to worry, you won't be on the boat for more than an hour."
They headed out.
The ship they docked on was a gold railed passenger ship with a long and square main deck. There were no sails. When she listened to the water slap the boat, she could make out the motor beneath the water quietly humming. Contestants were ushered off swiftly, and the airship took off again alone—
Kaia snorted.
Chuckled.
Stopped, got her bearings. Hisoka eyed her oddly, statively, before taking a seat with his back to the golden rails and starting a tower of cards.
Kaia choked on her humor, then just let it bubble and build, and laughed without regard to the uneased faces staring at her from the odd corners of the ship. The brightness of the sun on the ocean made her eyes water—but maybe that was the stress, or that she couldn't breathe anymore, ha, what was air again?
Hisoka subtly shifted his card tower away when she sat down.
She chortled, then stopped, and sighed in a relaxed manner. "I realized," a snort made its way out, then back to her normal bland face, "that we're going to be in a Battle Royale."
"Hm...it seems so. Is it that funny?"
"Well," she grinned widely, pulling on the mostly healed cut on her lip—not hurting, should be dead split, like earlier, just a few hours ago, strange— "not really, I think, but I wanted it to be. So it was. I guess."
"I see."
They were quiet. Water slapped the boat. Akihiko glanced her way, but nothing came of it. Eventually, Kaia went back to fiddling with her nen. She...wasn't sure what else to do, and the constant, almost bleary focus remained enough to keep her from her head. It was nice, sort of. Like this, she didn't have to pretend to be fine.
'Cause Hisoka didn't care. He just played his cards.
She appreciated him.
In many ways, nen reminded her of goo. A puddle of tar, maybe, or the very slow burn of a nearly dead campfire. She let it flicker over her fingers, allowing heat to dance across her palms in invisible mock fireballs. When it reached her nails, she thought carefully, and kneaded it into a thick goo. Like caramel, maybe, in the way that she pictured it. It dripped from one hand to the other with phantom weight.
Hisoka's nails cut cooly down the nape of her neck and she spilled.
"Your friends," he said, and Kaia flicked her eyes to see Gon staring her down as if he'd bolt over if Lorelei wasn't hanging on his arm. "I believe they wish to talk to you." He paused, as if in thought, then, "are you going to talk?"
She held back a grimace, keeping her face an easy, comfortable mix of mildly curious, and open. "I guess. I'll be right back." So she squared her shoulders, pulled her nen back into that tight, winding bundle in her spine, and stood up.
Breathe deep, figure out your act. Curious, open, see what he says and respond accordingly. You can do this.
She already felt like she'd throw up. Gon dragged Lorelei with him to meet halfway across the deck. Kaia caught Killua's blue gaze on the side, and wondered if, for a second, he would make the world disappear. But he didn't, because that notion was ridiculous, and oh hey, here they are, already meeting in the middle—
Kaia put on a smile and acted.
"Yo, Gon!"
"You can't quit."
She stalled for half a second, then, "actually, I can. I think you mean that I won't quit."
"You can't quit," he repeated. "I won't let you."
Her lip curled. "Well, halfway there, I guess. But really, Gon. If I were still going to quit, then you wouldn't be able to do much to stop me. It's not a 'can't'. It's a 'won't'."
"Kaia," He grabbed her by the shoulders. Burns—don't flinch—ignore the itch—this is fine— "You aren't allowed to quit the Hunter's Exam. Let's work something else out instead."
She let her eyes flatten, just barely enough to show irritation. "Actually, I am allowed to quit. If I were still going to, again, you wouldn't stop me. I can do whatever I set my mind to and if that's quitting, then that's that."
"No, I don't want you to—"
"So you're staying?" Killua butted in and Kaia flashed her teeth at him, friendly-sort.
"Figured I'd stalk Sensei instead, see. Sorry, Lorelei. Looks like you're not rid of me yet."
Lorelei sneered but otherwise did nothing. Kaia was impressed.
Killua tapped Gon's shoulder, a decidedly appeased set to his brows. "See, I told you she wasn't going to quit that easily. Ah, that reminds me." He leaned in real close while holding up one finger. "You finished first in Trick Tower, right? How?"
"Killua," Gon grabbed the other boy's arm, "I don't think she wanted to answer that."
He whipped his head around. "What? Why?"
"Kurapika asked her when we finished and she didn't answer, remember?"
"So? I'm asking her now."
"But Aunt Mito says you're supposed to respect when a friend doesn't want to talk about something."
"Oh, so you can demand that she stays in the exam, but I can't ask how she got down the tower?"
"Yeah!"
"What?" He ground his finger into Gon's forhead. "How does that make sense?"
"Because I wanted her to stay!"
"Huh!? I just want to know how she got down first!"
"And I wanted her to stay!"
"I mean," Kaia broke in, though the boys barely seemed to pause in their heavy glare-down, as their foreheads stayed mashed together in an aggressive display of head-power. Idly flashing the red side of her card, she said, "you still couldn't stop me if I was going to, but I already drew the tag. Don't make much sense unless I was planning on competing in the first place."
Gon frowned, then looked straight up, something almost simultaneously joined by Killua. Then, in the same moment, they both asked, "who did you draw?"
"And that's," Kaia flashed her teeth again and showed them the lovely sight of her two first fingers signing a mock salute, "for me to know and you to wonder about. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go back to stalking."
After taking a step back, she waited, and though he looked unhappy, Gon turned around with Lorelei to go settle himself against the far rails, where his backpack and fishing pole, and Killua's skateboard, sat. Kaia nodded to herself once, then looked behind her.
Kurapika lingered in the blurry lines of a respectable distance and an obvious eavesdrop almost directly between Hisoka and her. Hisoka, and she admired him greatly but really, just stacked another two cards up. Kaia looked at the blonde, looked at her teacher, looked at the ocean behind them. Her lips tightened.
"Darn. Out one fire and into another."
But Killua tugged on her shirt sleeve before she could work up the mindset to step forward again. It wasn't a full contact, and Kaia wasn't sure if that was on purpose or not, but she appreciated it. Kaia hesitated, but glanced behind him, where Gon had gone back to picking at pieces of stored away fruit with Lorelei. If he wasn't with Gon...She furrowed her brows, now confused.
"Do you want to hang out instead?" Killua asked, quickly moving his hands to his pockets now that he had her attention. She stared blankly at him as he turned sideways, looking at her through the corners of his eyes. "It's kinda boring," he explained, "with Lorerei there."
She scanned behind him again, determining if Gon had maybe put him up to this, but no. The wild boy was fully absorbed in his berries, and Lorelei, though she stole glances this way, didn't seem to know what they spoke of.
It...was really unfortunate, sometimes, how much Kaia really wanted to be left alone.
She gave a crooked, friendly smile anyway. "Sorry," she scratched the back of her neck and shuffled from her left foot to her right. "I'm. I really just want to. Stalk, I guess. You...can join, I guess, if you want, but I can't guarantee much with my head the way it's been going lately."
She watched the blue of his eyes slide to the left to study Hisoka (who could be making horrific faces for all she knew), then to the right for Kurapika (who wavered before moving back toward Leorio) then back to her. He seemed unsure, and turned again toward Gon and Lorelei for half a second, until he finally shrugged and said, "I guess. But if he gets weird, I'm leaving."
"Oh." She blinked quickly, then grinned once more. "He's always weird, but you're welcome to stay, I think. I should ask."
She did.
"Is this your pet?"
"He's being weird," Killua said.
"Sensei, you're being weird," she repeated.
He pursed his thin lips. Kaia sat down beside him anyway, and soon, Killua followed, distinctly using Kaia as a barrier between them. That was fine. Kaia didn't mind, and Hisoka, though he seemed intrigued, didn't offer more than a sparing glance.
"...So," Killua started off. He leaned back on his palms to face the big, open blue sky. "What did you do in Trick Tower?"
"Pft, figures." Kaia mimicked his position. "I just jumped the side."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah." She made to look like she was thinking of a story, turning her head this way and that to sell it better. "Turns out," she said, and she could see Killua subtly twisting to watch. "At the bottom…" she trailed off and sighed.
"...What was at the bottom?"
"Hm? Oh, yeah. The sand was really hot."
"...That's it?"
"Burnt my fingers a little. 'M glad they let me in pretty fast. Might'a baked myself if not."
"...Wow. You led that up all the way, and what do you say? The sand was hot."
She flashed her teeth. "I do my best."
"...You're really weird."
...Well, Kaia figured she had an appreciation for Killua, too.