Blue Roses

"We've got to find him, Juu!" She was breathless. Oh, no, not him, not her son, not him, no, no, no... why?

Something deep from within snapped at that moment as she sat next to a maniac android driving wildly about in search of her son, something just let go or broke or died while she sat there, and there instead was that one question that she tried so hard not to ask, Why?

She wasn't a bad person. She wasn't always a great person, but she wasn't a bad one. Juunana was a bad person. He killed and thrived on other peoples' terror, he was a sadistic little creep and he loved it. And yet he was so happy, he really was, Juunana was content in his life. He got whatever he wanted, one way or another.

Juunana is not a person, she firmly told herself. Bulma stared, blinking because for a moment that had lasted ten moments, she really had convinced herself that Juu was Human. There was some sort of guilt behind that. She didn't want to think of him as Human. It was easy to think of him as a Human, not just because he could form his own thought processes and he had his own desires and opinions, but because he almost defined human nature. Juunana was what every person wants to be, but cannot out of fear of not being accepted or of just taking the risks and one circumstance after another kept her from...

She wanted to let go. Bulma blinked, staring ahead and her eyes were so focused but she could not see because she knew that Juunana was watching out for her boy and Juunana would find him and there was some sort of comfort that allowed her to finally stop killing herself from worry. The greatest threat was now on her side.

She wanted to be just like Juunana. She didn't want to hurt anyone, and yet she did. She wanted to know what it was like to go on such a power trip, to be his equal and by his side as opposed to...

Bulma closed her eyes and tried very hard to calm her wild thoughts, jumping from one way to another. The car jerked. He told her to stay, and for once she did. In her desire for power in the relationship, she sat in the car, trying to catch a glimpse of what was bothering Juunana, but she sat, and she did it out of respect, out of knowing that she would be in the way and possibly in danger if she didn't...

The cold metal pressed against her neck, "Hey, Pretty lady." He giggled. He was bigger than she was, but she tilted her head towards him as much as the knife allowed her to.

He smelled, an ugly sort of oaf, a stupid-looking face, and he sat there with a weird sort of cough-laugh, "Eh-heh, hee, hee, heh.. Eh-heh."

She frowned, and the thought calmly passed through her head, 'Is it really going to end like this, me against just a common rapist?' But the thought calmed and passed. It was more disturbing to her that she wasn't scared than anything, and at that moment she would've given the world to be terrified because she was so numb from the constant chattering of new philosophies and ideas inside her head that she couldn't even comprehend what was really happening on a physical level, and while he tried to strip her, clumsy with his knife, she just stared like the time was waiting.

It was daunting. A stupid man, taking advantage of whatever chaos the androids left one city or another in, he didn't pick up on much but her general coldness, the lifeless look about her and her pale, thin face just staring straight ahead like he wasn't even there angered and moreover scared him.

And then the time had come, and the man, barely touching the soft flesh of an exposed breast, a little blood dripping down her from a slight touch and a very sharp knife, met Juunana standing furious with her son in his arms.

Juunana set Torankusu in the back seat. The rest of the band that had attacked a tired and wounded Torankusu had either run off or was killed. The leader, his sharp knife a few feet away, lay dead on the sandy trail because he tried to rape what Juunana had claimed for himself.

He was such a sweet boy, a young man. She didn't want to hurt him. She didn't mean to hurt him, and she knew that making her choice (as this was what it ultimately came down to) would hurt him.

If only she could get him to see they weren't so bad...

Or maybe she could... There was no way she could win. She would've picked Gohan if he were there. But as each second passed, Juunana's hand seemed way too far away from hers and she wanted desperately to get closer to him. She couldn't love anyone. She loved Gohan. She didn't love Gohan. She desired Juunana. She loved Juunana. She desired Gohan. She couldn't desire anything.

Withouta clue, and so confused, she couldn't determine her own feelings. So she stroked her son's hair as they made their way back to wherever Juunana wanted to go, and she didn't question, she didn't thank him, but she did not question him.

He was a pervert, and a cad, and a pig, and he was sadistic and he was just flat out mean when he wanted to be. But she adored him and hated him at once. And when Gohan wasn't there to remind her she was a victim the desire to be touched was growing by the second.

And when she sat alone with Gohan, there was a sigh of simple contentment, like nothing and none other than the two existed. Bulma sighed again.

Make a choice. Make a choice. Compassion or cool, make a choice. Stay with the band and be treasured-no, not treasured, but feared by the masses, be respected, and Juunana's trophy human.

And that didn't sound so bad. Someone to use and be used by, a lover she had no required emotional attachment to. Just pure, insane physical attraction so white hot that she could feel it deep in her every breath and she watched him from the side of her eye and maybe it was just the temperature, or maybe it was just that he was so charming and he was so attentive and he gave her gifts and lovely material items that made him so, but he was very, very handsome.

And then again there was Gohan. She could not deny attraction to him. He was very sweet, and young, he was clever and smart and above all he was security. If she let him... she knew he would love her and he would never hurt her, never leave her, never be questionable in any way. He was playing life safer than safe, and yet at the same time this was far more than just the classic bad-boy versus boy-next-door scenario. No, there was far more in either machine, or boy.

Couldn't she have both of them?

Bulma ran a hand over her eyes and face. Torankusu was asleep, and when he would wake up she surely had several questions. Juunana leaned against a wall and he just watched her.

"Why didn't you stop him?"

It took Bulma a second to recognize the anger in his voice, "What?"

"Why didn't you call me, when that stupid fool had his hand down your dress!" It wasn't a question, it was a declaration of insane anger and jealousy, but it didn't stop there, "You scream and bitch and carry on when I touch your hand, but no, some disgusting, dirty little desert bandit cuts your top open and you don't do a single thing. Am I really that disgusting, would you really rather be fucked with his knife at your throat than by me?"

"Juu, I was just scared." Her voice was quiet. There was shame, but she could not find defiance to cover it up. She didn't do anything wrong. She was the victim.

Juunana paced up and down across the room, "Oh, so now," He laughed, "We go back to the 'Juu' stage because I saved your fucking brat from certain death. Well, isn't that great?"

She crossed her arms over her chest and spun her body to face the other side of the room, "I wish Gohan were here."

She wasn't sure why she said it. And it was so soft that she wasn't really sure she'd said it at all. But it was there, and he was a blazing silent for a good few seconds. Inside that something woke up, and she felt alive again, because she felt like a tigress, a temptress, and the game had started and she knew he knew it was a game now too.

"What?"

"Gohan doesn't yell at me while I have blood dripping down my chest and a torn up dress on. He at least is decent enough to go off on stupid tangents about nothing after-"

"Gohan," He dangerously repeated, "Is a stupid little boy vying for his father's ex-girlfriend."

"He's sweet."

"He's a school boy."

"He could teach you some tricks." She sneered.

Juunana laughed, "You have no idea."

Bulma flipped her hair and sighed, "He's calm."

"He's boring." Juu returned.

"You know what I think? I think you're the one that wants to fuck me because of Gokou. You have this sick little obsession with.."

"And I think that you just want to pretend that he's his father."

"I do not!" She stood angrily.

He smiled as if a point had been made and she sat. He leaned back against his wall, "You want to hurt him."

"I would never hurt such a sweet, ki.." Cut off by Juunana's lips she continued between breaths, "nd, honest, compassionate..."

The kiss deepened. He was forceful, and she loved it. He was jealous, but at the same time somehow more cocky than ever, "And a little fool that you want to absolutely destroy from the inside out."

"I really..." Again, his hand on her thighs, travelling up and up again, his breath, hot on her neck.

"And I," Juunana added, "am much, much better."

Bulma leaned back. The sick feeling in the pit of her stomach, something like Juunana twisting her blood and bringing her back; she made her choice.

I am so sorry it has been exactly a year since I last updated.

Would you rather an update or an author's note? I promise I'll make it next chapter. As stated in other fics updated today, the gist is if I am not happy with the amount of feedback I get I'm just not going to keep updating. I don't have the time or energy and I love my fics, really, really do, but at the current moment it's kinda a suppy-and-demand type thing going on and I just need to know what people are most enthusiastic about so I can focus on getting that project done.