I've made an art banner for this story if anyone's interested.
"Crystal Blue"
It can be found over on Archive of Our Own under GhostInTheBAU. The link's on my FF profile page. :)
Chapter Twenty-One
Uncle Penny
.
The next morning Spencer sat at the table across from Jack and directly next to Aaron as they ate breakfast, funny shapes for the boy again; but eggs, bacon and toast for the adults this time. Apparently Hotch really liked to go all out on the weekends, cooking up a storm for breakfast on Saturdays and Sundays.
Spencer hadn't even known Aaron could cook before he came to live with him; the man had kept his talents well hidden.
Waking up to the savory scents and constant rummaging sounds of a busy kitchen made him feel warm and content in a way he hadn't in a very long time; not since before his father had left them and his mother's health had began to deteriorate. At one time, believe it or not, the Reid household had actually been happy...filled with family meals, laughter and nights spent on the couch watching classic movies—all three of them, together.
Sometimes he missed it, but he tried not to dwell on the loss. Being in Aaron's house had brought back some of those happy family memories, though, and he couldn't help but smile just a little.
So when he'd cracked his eyes open that morning and smelled freshly brewed coffee, sizzling bacon and eggs he'd immediately felt a warm, wonderful, fuzzy feeling deep in his chest; and when his mind fully woke up a minute later he'd remembered what had happened the night before, and he'd felt even better.
Spectacular, perhaps.
He'd remembered what had happened between him and Aaron—the kiss they'd shared in the office.
It had been amazing, and just thinking about it as he lay in bed, warm and comfortable, had made his toes curl and his body keen.
Made his hands want to roam.
For years, he'd wondered what it would be like to kiss Aaron Hotchner—to feel those smooth lips pressing up against his, have those big hands holding him close, hear that sultry velvet voice murmuring low in his ear as hot breath warmed his skin.
It hadn't been a disappointment, and it had most definitely been worth the wait.
To be honest, it very well may have been one of the best moments of his life...or at least of his adult life; and decidedly the best moment of his entire romantic experience, hands down.
It wasn't even a contest.
Aaron had been gentle and soft with him, yet passionate and demanding at the same time. He'd taken control of the kiss without Spencer feeling like he himself was being controlled; which, when he thought about it, was rather remarkable all on its own. There hadn't been a single moment during the embrace where he'd thought he couldn't get out of it if he'd wanted to, and that fact alone had made the intimacy so much more than he'd ever experienced before. There had been no pain or fear or worry. He could submit to Hotch and still be in control of what happened to his body, still know that he wouldn't be hurt or used or taken advantage of.
It was freeing, in a way, and he had Aaron to thank for his new found liberation.
After the kiss had ended and he'd regained his ability to speak, much to Aaron's delight, they'd said goodnight and gone to their separate bedrooms to sleep. A part of him had wanted to ask Hotch to stay in his room again, to hold him like he'd done the night before; but another part of him knew that wasn't the best idea right after sharing a kiss that had rocked his world and left him almost speechless. The metaphorical flood gates had been ripped opened with the intimate contact, and he knew that sharing a bed had the high likelihood of leading to other things. Very nice things, but things that probably shouldn't happen between them.
At least not yet.
So instead of asking a question he knew he shouldn't, he'd stayed quiet, given Aaron a slightly awkward hug laced with longing and desire, and headed to bed.
When he'd entered the kitchen this morning, he'd been greeted with a bright and dimpled smile as Aaron pulled him securely into his arms; then there'd been a soft peck on his cheek followed by a whispered, "Good morning, Sweetheart," in his ear that had made him blush and fall weak in the knees.
It was so horribly cliché, but he didn't care.
He'd absolutely loved it.
And now they were talking about what to do for the day. Once again, the team was off for the weekend, although this time they could get called in at a moment's notice if something came up. They weren't on stand down any longer. Aaron had insisted on making the most of the day despite that possibility though, and the three of them were shooting ideas off each other over their eggs and pancakes.
"We could go to the neighborhood park," Hotch suggested, looking to Jack, "Maybe take your soccer ball and kick it around a bit?"
"I'm terrible at sports," Reid mumbled, biting his lip and staring at the remnants of his fried eggs.
Going to the park sounded nice enough, though; especially since he hadn't left the house since Thursday morning. At least that would get him outside in the fresh air for a while and give him some vitamin D; and he wouldn't be alone.
"Then maybe you can be our referee."
He looked up at Aaron and saw a smug, teasing smile on his face.
"Well, I'll have you know I'd actually be a terrific referee," he boasted, "I may not be good at sports, but that doesn't mean I don't know all the rules and regulations. I probably know more about them than you do."
"Really?" Hotch asked, more shock in his tone than Spencer thought was truly necessary, to be honest.
"Yes, really."
"How?"
Aaron's shocked expression had turned into one of disbelief, and Spencer furrowed his brows. The man was messing with him, blatantly giving him a hard time; but the tone of voice he used let Spencer know he was only joking with him, and Reid tried to keep a straight face as he answered, matter-of-factly, "I read a book..."
"Of course you did," Aaron's gorgeous lips parted into a huge grin, lightly chuckling, "Why am I not surprised in the slightest by that answer?"
The two of them sat there glaring at each other for a few more moments, trying to see who would break first and look away; but as soon as Jack's excited voice pierced the silence Reid couldn't continue with the impromptu staring contest they'd entered into.
"I wanna see the Mummykill!"
He looked to Jack and smiled brightly at him, then took a moment to thoroughly enjoy the completely confused and perplexed expression plastered all over Hotch's face.
"The Mummy-what?" Aaron's brows rose to his hairline as he questioned his son.
"The Mumakil," Reid corrected with a grin, unable to hold his laugh in any longer. When Hotch just looked at him befuddled he took pity and tried to explain, "They're large creatures in Middle Earth that closely resemble elephants, although they are much, much bigger—40 to 50 feet in height. They were used as beasts of burden by the Haradrim during war times to carry archers and supplies. The Hobbits called them Oliphaunts." He took a deep breath, noticing how Aaron was leaning back in his chair listening contently to him as he rambled. No one was telling him to stop or quiet down; both Hotch and Jack were hanging on every word he said, and it made him feel giddy. He was in full on lecture mode as he met the boy's sparkling eyes, "Can you tell me any other ways they're different from elephants, Jack?"
"Ummmm," Jack's eyes shifted up to the ceiling, brows furrowed as he bit his lip in deep concentration, "They have six tusks instead of two?"
"Right," he smiled, then glanced back to Aaron, elaborating, "The two largest tusks are in the same place as an elephant's, then there's two smaller ones right below them, and the two very smallest ones are right above. They could hit up to thirty riders with one swing of their head, and the two main tusks were usually adorned with spikes. As you can imagine, that would make for quite a deadly blow." He paused and brought his sights back to Jack, "And they weren't easily killed either, were they?"
"Nope!" the boy enthusiastically agreed, "The only way they could be killed was by an arrow to the eye."
"You are so good with him," Aaron mumbled, and Reid felt a hand come up to rest on his thigh.
When he looked back to Hotch he saw something in his eyes he couldn't quite place. It wasn't anything bad, really. At least, it didn't look like a bad thing to him.
Maybe it was a quiet appreciation, or a content happiness.
After a few moments the hand on his leg gave a gentle squeeze, causing him to blush, then moved away as Hotch let go and looked back to Jack.
"I don't think there's any place to see these Mumakil, buddy."
"Actually, Aaron...I mean, there's a place we could go to see the closest thing..." Reid looked at him and then over to Jack before murmuring, "We could ah, go out? To the zoo?"
"Yeah!" Jack beamed, wiggling excitedly in his chair, "Can we, Dad? Can we all go to the zoo today?"
"Spencer, I don't think that's a very good idea. After the last couple days, I really don't want you pushing yourself too much."
Aaron's tone had a slight edge to it that reminded him faintly of how the man had spoken to him outside Parker's house...
.
"Alright, that's enough! I'm getting you out of here, Reid. It was way too soon for you to try and come back to this fucking house. We're leaving. Now."
"No!" He adamantly shook his head and struggled to get away as Aaron pulled him toward the SUV, "Aaron, I have to go in there! You—You don't...oh god, you don't fucking understand!"
"Dammit, Spencer, stop arguing with me!"
.
He briefly closed his eyes, stilling his mind and willing away the vivid memory of Hotch manhandling him toward the car. He knew Aaron wouldn't hurt him, but the man's overbearingly protective side was starting to bubble back up and Spencer had to fight against a conditioned response to instantly comply. That's what he'd always done in the past when Parker would get angry with him...he'd give in just to avoid a confrontation.
It was a survival instinct, and it was one he no longer needed.
Hotch was right about the last two days, though; they had been rather difficult to say the least, but he couldn't hide inside the house forever. He'd tried to go out by himself and that had, admittedly, been a horrible mistake, but surely he'd be okay if he were with other people—if he were with Aaron and Jack.
Nothing could happen to him if Aaron was by his side.
Perhaps this was what he should have done the first time; he should have gone out with someone else instead of trying to do it alone. If he'd just waited, or let Hotch stop at the store on his way home from work like he'd wanted to, maybe he wouldn't have let his paranoia get the best of him. Maybe he wouldn't have completely freaked out and made a total fool of himself in front of a crowd of strangers.
"The first time I left the house I did it alone—and you were right, I should've listened to you and I should've stayed home. But I won't be alone this time." He hesitated for just a moment, debating back and forth with himself on whether or not he should do what he really wanted to do, then bit the bullet and went for it, reaching under the table and taking Aaron's hand, "This time, I'll have you with me." Hotch returned the embrace, looking into his eyes as though he was trying to determine if he was strong enough to handle an outing that public, and it made him prickle just a bit. "I'm not a child. I know I can do this. Obviously I realize I screwed it all up the last time, but I'm asking you to believe in me again. Give me another chance and let me try this, with you there. Please, Aaron, just believe in me."
"Spencer," Aaron's voice was thick with emotion, "I never want you to doubt that I believe in you. I do, more than you know. I believe in you with all that I am, and that's not gonna change because you stumble or fall. You're gonna struggle sometimes, and that's okay. It's okay because I also know you'll always pick yourself back up in the end. You'll always keep fighting. So know that I do believe in you. I think you're remarkable and resilient and strong, and extremely brave."
"Like a superhero!" Jack chimed in, and they both shot him a grin.
"Like a superhero," Hotch softly confirmed, nodding his head and chuckling as he thread their fingers together, "So...let's go to the zoo."
"Yessss!"
Jack bounced out of his chair and ran around the table to go get dressed. However, he stopped dead in his tracks when his eyes landed on Spencer and Aaron's joined hands. They'd been hidden from the boy's view when he'd been sitting across from them, but now they were on full display.
Reid's mind hadn't caught up to what Jack was looking at until he asked, without a hint of hesitation, "Dad, are you and Penny in love?"
Spencer's eyes shot wide open at the question.
He coughed on the breath he'd been taking, then choked and tried to pull his hand out of Aaron's grasp—thinking that if he severed the connection fast enough then somehow it would erase Jack's memory of what he'd just seen.
Absurd.
That thought was completely and utterly absurd.
And it didn't matter anyway because Aaron wouldn't let go of his hand, no matter how hard he pulled at it. He was stuck in a stunned silence by the loaded question, and he had no idea how to go about answering it. Yes, he truly believed he was in love with Aaron, but he didn't in any way expect Hotch to feel the same way.
Not yet.
Hopefully someday.
Luckily, Hotch wasn't quite as taken aback by the situation or the question, so he did all the talking.
"Buddy, Penny and I care about each other a lot," he glanced toward Reid for just a moment before meeting his son's gaze again, "We like spending time together, and we're getting to know one another better."
"But you've known each other for a really long time already."
"Yes," he nodded, and Reid just continued to gently tug at his hand, to no avail, "But that was through work. This is a little bit different. It's more personal."
"Have you two kissed?"
Jack's face showed no emotion whatsoever as he asked the question, and Spencer's heart began to race even more. They hadn't really talked about what to tell Jack. They were supposed to be waiting until their relationship had progressed to a more intimate level before having a conversation about it with all three of them.
But things between them had progressed, as of last night.
Perhaps now was the right time.
He was still excruciatingly nervous about the prospect of telling Jack that he was involved with his father, though. He knew Aaron would immediately put a stop to everything if his son had a problem with them being together.
Rightfully so, of course.
Jack should always come first.
But the thought that whatever they were doing could possibly stop before it had really even truly began had his chest aching with a sharp, stinging sorrow.
The hand keeping his captive held on a little tighter.
"Yeah, buddy, we've kissed."
Aaron was being completely open and honest with Jack, and the only thing Spencer seemed to be able to do was sit there trying not to hyperventilate as he attempted to keep his jaw from hitting the floor.
Jack's eyes darted between them for a moment, then landed back on their joined hands, "Have you guys done...other things?"
Good grief, this kid was a better interrogator than the whole BAU combined. He heard Aaron start to laugh, and he shot him an incredulous look.
This wasn't funny.
Not even a little bit.
This was mortifying and uncomfortable—and also very, very important.
It was one of the most important conversations he could imagine, really.
And Hotch was laughing.
"No, buddy," Aaron shook his head, still holding Reid's hand. He rubbed calming circles over the back of it, "Maybe someday we will, but not right now."
His heart skipped a beat at Aaron's words. Cliché again, yes, but he truly believed he felt his heart stop for a second before it picked back up.
Maybe someday.
He liked the sound of that.
He'd definitely done his fair share of thinking about other things they could do together, but hearing Aaron actually acknowledge the possibility of those other things coming to fruition excited him.
It also scared him just a little.
He'd only been romantically involved with one other person, and that relationship had been nothing short of detrimental to his psyche. He'd opened up and allowed Parker to horribly abuse him, so it was a bit unnerving to think about putting himself in such a vulnerable position with another man again.
Although, he truly did trust Aaron with his life.
He hoped that when maybe someday came he'd be ready.
"Well," Jack continued, his voice slow and calm as his lips curved up into a dimpled grin that rivaled his father's, "I hope you guys get married someday!"
At that, the boy turned and ran up the stairs, giggling incessantly as he went.
Reid just sat there staring at the place Jack had vacated, his mind a jumbled mess of what the fuck, did that really just happen, oh my god.
"Spencer, how badly are you freaking out right now?"
"Hm?" He blinked and pulled his gaze back to Hotch. The man was beaming brightly at him, a huge smile on his face—but it didn't quite reach his eyes. Spencer thought he saw a hint of anxiety swirling in their depths, and he wanted to ease that away. "I'm not freaking out," he denied.
"No? 'Cause you kind of look like you're about to run for the hills."
"Oh, um..." he closed his eyes and shook his head, huffing out a breath, "Okay...I might be freaking out, but only a little." He looked back toward the stairs, motioning to where Jack had disappeared, "He, um, doesn't seemed phased at all by the idea of two men being together. Romantically."
"No," Hotch quickly agreed, "Haley and I tried our best to instill in him the idea that anyone can be in love; it doesn't matter who they are—boys or girls or boys and girls. We wanted him to know that he could be free to love whoever he wanted and not worry about being accepted by his parents. We'd love him no matter what. That's something she and I never fought over; we were in complete and total agreement."
"I see," he sighed, bringing his other hand up to cover their two joined ones.
He wondered how many more wonderful things he was going to learn about Aaron Hotchner, because he was already pretty blown away by how incredible the man was. This only helped to solidify his perception.
Aaron and Jack were beautifully perfect, at least as far as he was concerned.
"You're amazing, you know that, right?" he murmured, "You're both absolutely amazing..."
"Well," Aaron squeezed his hand, "We're in very good company."
Two hours later found the three of them standing in front of the entrance to the zoo. The drive over had been okay, still a bit nerve-wracking, but he'd managed to breathe through most of his anxiety and Hotch had only mumbled something about turning around once—which had mainly been said to himself.
Spencer appreciated the effort.
Knowing his ex was actually out of jail now, free to go wherever he pleased whenever he pleased didn't help with his jumpiness. Every time they'd passed a red car on the way over he'd had to examine it carefully to make sure it wasn't a Civic and that it wasn't Parker's. He'd had to make sure they weren't being followed, especially with Jack in the car. His mind kept flashing back to the horrible nightmare he'd had...
.
"I killed your fucking boss and that brat son of his...Jack, isn't it?"
"They both died because of you, Spencer. It's all your fucking fault!"
.
He couldn't be the reason Jack was put in danger, or Aaron for that matter.
He just couldn't.
He had to keep them both safe.
Every once in a while he'd noticed Aaron glancing at him out of the corner of his eye, no doubt concerned about his mental state. He couldn't blame him, not really. He knew he'd been acting squirrely ever since they'd gotten in the car, he just couldn't help it. It was like a nervous tick. He'd tried several times to reassure Hotch with a smile, but he didn't know if it'd worked all that well.
None of that mattered now, though, because they'd made it. They were here, and all his anxiety vanished when a little blond boy ran up to them, a huge grin plastered on his face and excitement sparkling in his baby blue eyes.
He'd called JJ last minute to see if she and Henry wanted to join them. It was a spur of the moment decision, but he missed his godson terribly; and now that he was feeling better and didn't look quite so scary he thought the zoo would be the perfect place to spend a little time with him.
Henry loved seeing all the animals and listening to him rattle off information about each one as they passed by their enclosures. He used to bring the boy at least once a month, just the two of them, and it was something he'd always looked forward to. He hadn't been able to do that lately, though; especially over the last few months.
It had become increasingly difficult for him to do anything outside of work that didn't involve Parker to some extent.
He hoped he'd be able to start their zoo trips again soon, now that he was free to do whatever he wanted.
"Uncle Spence! Uncle Spence!"
Instantly he felt his body tense up at the name.
That name.
It sounded so cute and sweet and innocent coming from Henry's happy little voice, and he tried his absolute best to smile at the ball of energy running toward him, but he could still feel himself beginning to unravel.
His body went cold and his mind began to slip away from him, trying to drag him along with it.
He clutched desperately onto Aaron's arm, begging—pleading to remain grounded in reality.
His legs felt numb, and he looked up into chocolate brown eyes at the same moment that strong arms circled around him.
Then his whole world faded away...
.
"I missed you," he murmured.
"Fuck, Spence, I missed you too." A hand ran through his hair, fingers gently tugging his head back, "You have no idea how much I missed you, baby..."
Tongue and lips and teeth worked together, hotly kissing up and down his neck, sending a shiver of pleasure coursing through his body. That pleasure turned into a pulsing heat deep in his cock; he ached for more as he rocked down against Parker.
Hard flesh met his, and he groaned at the tantalizing feel of it.
They had entirely too many clothes on...he was desperate to be rid of them.
"Please, Park..." he half begged, half purred, "I want you to take me to bed..."
Hands grabbed tightly to his ass and a growl erupted from the man below him. He was quickly lifted up off the couch, and he yelped at the sudden change in position, wrapping his arms and legs around Parker as he was eagerly carried into their bedroom.
.
"Not again," he cried, clinging to the body around him, "Please, I don't want this...I don't wanna be here..."
.
Parker stripped Spencer's clothes off him and laid him down on the bed; then he watched hungrily as the man began to shed his own shirt, letting it drift to the floor.
Crystal blue eyes never left his, and he dared not look away. Instead, he brought his hand down and began to slowly stroke along his throbbing length, thrusting into his own hand as his arousal grew.
Before he knew what happened, Park was on him, straddling his hips and snatching both his wrists away, halting his ministrations.
"No you don't, Spence," he chided, "You don't get to touch."
"Park, please," he whined, trying to fight against the firm hold, "I need it. I wanna feel you...all over."
"Oh, don't you worry about that, lover," Parker crooned, leaning down and licking a stripe from Spencer's neck to his ear, "I'm gonna be all over every inch of you." Soft fabric wrapped around his wrists, then his hands were yanked above his head and fastened securely to the headboard. "I'll go in so deep..." Park paused, and suddenly he felt a finger at his entrance, teasing him; he gasped at the sensation. "Is that what you want, baby?" Parker purred, "Do you want me to sink in deep?"
"Park..." he bit his lip, writhing and pulling uselessly at the restraints, "Yes! Please please please..."
"Please what?" the man growled, the tip of his finger right fucking there, "What do you want me to do, Spence? Tell me."
"Please," he sighed, shuddering, "I want...I want you to fuck me. Right now."
There was a chuckle, then that teasing finger pushed past the tight ring of muscle and thrust in deep, twisting as it sunk into his tight heat. Pleasure soared through his body and he arched up, a keening moan catching in his throat.
"What a filthy little thing you are..."
.
He was back in Parker's arms—in Parker's bed—and he felt bile rising up his throat. He didn't want this, not at all, but for some reason he fucking thought he did. It was confusing and jumbled and he had no idea how to get out.
How to get away.
Heat shot through him, erotic and sick at the same time.
He moaned, unsure whether it was out of pure pleasure or absolute pain, then the arms around him tightened.
Parker's arms?
They didn't quite feel the same.
There was a voice in his ear, warm and smooth and loving.
Calming and serene.
It was beautiful and gentle, so it couldn't be Parker's.
Definitely not.
Aaron's, then.
The voice had to belong to Aaron; nothing else sounded that lovely.
"You're safe, Sweetheart. I've got you and you're safe. Just breathe. I need you to calm down and come back to me. Please."
He heard a tiny whimper leave his mouth—at least, he thought it was from him—then his surroundings came rushing back in a swirling flood of noise and color.
Everything seemed too loud, too bright, too confusing.
It was difficult to focus, so he shut his eyes and tried to still his body and his mind.
He heard a woman's voice...JJ, it had to be JJ. She was saying something in the distance, and he also recognized Henry asking if Uncle Spencer was okay.
Something—or someone—was hugging his leg. He assumed that was probably Jack.
A man was asking him if he needed to sit down. Not Aaron, though. It was a Cajun accent, right next to him.
Will.
Will was there.
Then he heard another man speak.
Aaron again.
That voice was Aaron's.
"Spencer, can you look at me?"
"O-Okay," he whispered, frantically nodding his head, "Yeah...okay."
Slowly, he reopened his eyes, and the first thing he saw was Aaron's gentle face staring right back at him. It was one of the most gorgeous sights he'd ever seen, and he felt like it was a tether pulling him away from the brink of total madness, bringing him back to safety and security.
Back to Aaron's soothing presence.
His body calmed and relief crashed over him when he realized he wasn't with Parker again; that the arms holding him didn't belong to the man who'd hurt him.
They belonged to the one he truly loved.
Aaron's arms were around him, and he leaned into the embrace, resting his forehead against the other man's.
He never wanted to be in anyone else's arms again.
"Hey, beautiful," Hotch softly murmured, a smile on his face but worry filling his eyes.
"Hey," he sighed, pulling back just enough to give him a shaky smile.
He glanced around to all the people walking by, oblivious to his struggle as they passed them. At least he hadn't made a complete fool of himself to total strangers this time.
Only to his friends.
"I am so, so sorry!" JJ apologized profusely. He noticed how careful she was being, trying not to get too close to him, "We talked to Henry about calling you Uncle Spencer, but he was so excited when he saw you that he must have forgotten."
"Yeah, Reid," Will added beside him, "We're sorry, man. He's just been so excited to see ya."
"I'm okay," he nodded, looking to Will and JJ before meeting Aaron's gaze once more, "Really, I'm...um, I think I'm okay now."
He'd stopped trembling the moment he'd seen Aaron, and he seemed to regain his bearings much faster after this flashback than he had in the past. It still wasn't ideal, of course—he'd much prefer not to have them at all—but it was a definite improvement. He was slowly getting better, he just needed to keep trying.
He was okay with that.
Looking around, he searched for Henry and found him hiding behind his mother's legs, several tears running down his pale little cheeks. The sight pulled at his heart. He wanted to comfort him, make sure he knew he hadn't done anything wrong and that everything was okay, so after giving Aaron one final smile to let him know he was alright he pulled out of the man's hold and crouched down to his knees.
"Hey, Kiddo, it's alright. I'm fine, see?" he tried to keep a smile on his face as he addressed Henry, "Will you come here? Will you come over here and see me?"
He waited for a minute, and soon blue eyes cautiously peeked out at him from the refuge of JJ's pants, little fingers continuing to grip tightly to her leg. When Reid got a better look at him, it broke his heart. There was shame and sorrow written all over his face...in his frown and his sad eyes, and in the tiny quiver of his chin. The boy was about to burst into tears.
"Please...please don't be sad, Hen. Don't cry—" Reid's voice broke, his arms aching with need to hold his godson. He felt a hand rest gently on his shoulder and he knew immediately that it was Aaron, giving him silent strength and support. He pooled from that and took a deep breath, then gave Henry another smile, "I'm—I'm just not feeling super great right now, that's all. I've been a little sick, but I'm getting better and I really wanted to see you. So, will you please come over here and see me? I could really use one of those great big, super special, amazingly strong bear hugs you're so good at giving."
A tiny smile graced Henry's face at that, and then he was running full speed into Spencer's outstretched arms. Reid wrapped the boy up and held him tight, burying his head in Henry's shoulder, breathing in the sweet scent as he let a few of his own tears start to fall.
It felt like a piece of him had been lost, but now it was back.
His chest squeezed painfully when a tiny voice crept into his ear.
"I'm sorry I made you sad."
"Oh, you didn't make me sad." He backed away just enough to cradle Henry's head between his hands, wiping tear tracks from the boy's face. "I promise, you did absolutely nothing wrong, Hen," he whispered, "I missed you sooo much."
"I missed you too, Uncle Spencer."
It felt odd to hear Henry call him Uncle Spencer. He was so used to the other; and it just didn't sound right. Maybe he could come up with a solution, something that didn't sound as strange to his ears when he heard it. Something that would make Henry happy as well.
He pulled him back in for one more hug and then looked over to Jack, who was standing by Aaron, "Jackie, would you mind if Henry used the special name you gave me, too?"
Jack looked up to his dad for a moment then back to Spencer, a small grin forming on his lips, "I guess not." He walked closer to them and started nodding his head at Henry, "That'd be pretty cool. It can be, like, our special name."
Henry gave them both a quizzical look, "What special name?"
Reid glanced to Aaron for a moment, then over to Will and JJ, who'd been watching the entire interaction before bringing his eyes back to the kids, "Well, Jack here likes to call me Penny."
There was a tiny giggle, "But that's a girl's name!"
Maybe it was, but he didn't really care. It had been given to him by Jack after a lot of careful thought and consideration, and that made it extraordinarily special to him.
He loved it.
"I think it could be for either," he calmly smiled, "So what do you say, Hen? Will Uncle Penny work for you?"
"Yeah," Henry smiled over to Jack and then back to Reid, wrapping his arms around Spencer's neck, "I really missed you, Uncle Penny."
"I really missed you too, Hen."
As he was holding her son Reid noticed a tear fall from JJ's eye, but she quickly wiped it away, sniffling as Will draped a comforting arm around her shoulders.
He felt horrible for putting all of his friends through this...making them change how they acted around him, what they called him. They shouldn't have to do that, and neither should he.
It wasn't fair.
That name had been given to him by JJ, and at one time she'd been the only person in the entire world who called him that. Over the years others had picked up on it and used it now and then, but it was JJ's name for him first.
Until Parker came into his life.
For some reason the man loved to call him that. He'd destroyed it, tainted it, and now Spencer couldn't even hear it without losing himself. That name forced him back into Parker's arms every single time it was spoken.
It used to be special.
Maybe Penny could be special now.
He was brought out of his musings by a hand on his back, and he turned to see Aaron kneeling down next to him and the boys. He realized he was surrounded by people he loved, and who loved him in return. These people—Aaron and Jack; Will, JJ and Henry; Morgan, Emily, Garcia and Rossi—he knew they would all stand by him through whatever lay ahead...because he also knew the storm wasn't over.
His fight wasn't going to end any time soon.
There would be more challenges—more obstacles for him to face, more demons to beat. He could do it, though, because they were his anchor, keeping him grounded and safe.
But most importantly, they were his family.
He hummed softly in contentment, gesturing for Aaron to help him up, and once he was back on his feet he let out a relieved sigh. His aches and pains were much less, but it was still difficult to get up from a sitting position.
"Are we ready to go in?" JJ softly asked, stroking her hand through Henry's long hair.
"Lead the way," he motioned to the entrance and they all started to make their way over.
Once they were inside the walls of the zoo, Spencer gave them instructions on where to go and they headed straight for the elephant enclosure. He'd memorized the map of the park for easy navigation whenever he brought Henry.
He watched as the two boys ran up ahead, making sure to keep a close eye on them at all times. Aaron and Will were beginning to lag behind a bit, no doubt talking about his case if he had to guess. Morgan had ended up taking Parker to Will's precinct that fateful Saturday, so the man knew pretty much all the details. He tried not to think about that, though. There'd already been enough drama for one day, and he really didn't want any more.
After a few minutes of quiet contemplation, he found himself walking comfortably with JJ at his side, the kids up ahead and Hotch and Will behind.
"You look good," she started, then stopped walking and turned him so she could examine his face a little more thoroughly. He let her hand come up and brush along the cut on his temple, closing his eyes for a minute so he wouldn't have to see the sad look on her face. The steristrips had fallen off a couple days before and the skin was healing, but it itched terribly. He opened his eyes when she spoke again, her tone motherly, "But how are you doing? How are you really feeling?"
They resumed their walk along the trail as he thought about the question. He debated whether or not he should just say he was fine and leave it at that, but she was a profiler. She'd never believe it, especially after what had happened at the entrance. So instead of trying to deflect, he decided to just be open and honest about everything.
That was what he was supposed to do, right?
That's what Aaron wanted him to do.
Talk to other people.
Open up.
"I'm doing okay, I guess. But, um, I've been a little...jumpy?" he bit his lip and thought about the word for a minute. He didn't know if that was exactly the right word, or if he was trying to sugar coat it. "Paranoid," he finally decided, giving her a sad smile, "Yeah, that's how I'm feeling. Jumpy and paranoid."
"Well, that's kind of to be expected," she supplied, "It's a normal response after everything you went through."
"Oh I know," he nodded. That was the same thing Aaron kept telling him, too—over and over—how normal it all was. He knew it was true, intellectually, he was just tired of it. He was tired of hearing how normal he was...how normal it all was. "I know it's normal, JJ, but I've been having more flashbacks, and I've started having...nightmares. About him. And this whole week I thought someone was watching me."
He paused, swallowing down a heavy lump forming in his throat. He hated talking about any of this, but he knew it would be good for him to get it out. When JJ linked her arm in his and pulled him closer he went willingly, enjoying the tangible presence and support of one of his best and closest friends.
"Even when he was still in jail I thought I saw him," he frowned as the words left his lips. They made him sound insane. "I went to the store and I thought he was there. I—I thought he was stalking me..."
He stopped again, his thoughts making him feel a little queasy. He needed to sit, regain his bearings and clear his head, so he moved over to a bench on the side of the trail. JJ followed without hesitation, their arms still linked, and sat beside him. He glanced up to see Aaron and Will moving closer, their pace quickening—probably to catch up to the boys since he and JJ weren't watching them any longer.
Hotch gave him a smile as they passed by, and a silent look that he interpreted as I'm here if you need me, but I understand that you need to talk to your friend.
The man always seemed to know what he needed; it was kind of amazing that Aaron could read him so well.
"It's absurd," he quickly continued, bringing his attention back to JJ, "Obviously I know he's not really following me. He was locked up until yesterday. There's no way he could have been watching me all week."
"But it still feels like he is," she concluded.
"Yeah. Like I said—paranoid and jumpy." His stomach churned and his chest tightened at the confession, "Do you think that makes me crazy, JJ?"
"Oh, Reid, no." She pulled him into a hug, cupping the back of his head with her hand and murmuring in his ear, "You're not crazy, Spencer. Please, don't ever think that. You were hurt, and you're dealing with that trauma, but you won't always feel this way." They broke apart and he gave her a shaky smile as she added, "But we're always gonna be here for you if you need anything. No matter what."
"I just kind of feel like a burden," he mumbled, "I don't wanna keep bothering everyone with my screwed up delusions—"
"Spencer," she stopped him, making sure he was looking directly at her before she continued, "You are not a burden. Do you hear me?" She didn't say anything else, just sat there staring at him with wide, intense eyes. He figured he should probably acknowledge what she'd said, so he quickly nodded. Once he did, her glare morphed into something a bit softer and much less scary, "Please, Spencer, don't ever think you're a burden to us. We all want to help you because we care about you, and we love you."
"Yeah," he sighed, "I guess maybe I'm starting to realize that."
"And, um," she hesitated, giving him a sly grin, "I'm pretty sure Hotch doesn't think you're a burden. I think he's pretty happy you're staying with him..."
"Wh-What?"
Instantly he felt shaky and nervous. Heat rose in his cheeks and his heart began to pound anxiously, filling his ears with the loud roar of blood flow. He was embarrassed and self-conscious, and he had no idea how to react to the statement—how to respond.
"Oh come on, Reid," she gave him a playful smirk, "I heard what he called you earlier. Sweetheart? And beautiful?"
"H-He was just trying to comfort me," he adamantly protested, scoffing as he ran trembling fingers through his hair, "He wanted to make sure I was okay. That's all that was."
He knew that was a lame excuse, and completely unbelievable. Since when did Aaron Hotchner comfort team members by hugging them and calling them Sweetheart?
Never, that's when.
But he'd freaked out at the question. He wasn't sure if anyone was supposed to know about them, about whatever it was they were doing together. Hell, he didn't even really know what they were doing. She'd caught him off guard and he was flustered and confused and fidgety.
"He was comforting you?"
He looked back to her, disbelief obvious in her tone and in the way her brows quirked up at him.
"Mhm," he hummed, wringing his hands together.
"It seemed like a lot more than that to me..."
"Maybe," he sighed, then caught the slip. "I mean, wait—" he stuttered, his thoughts rattled, "Wait, it seemed like more than what?"
"Calm down, Spencer," she laughed, a gentle hand patting his arm, "You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to, but you're my best friend and I need to say a few things, if it's alright."
He gave her a silent nod, anxiously waiting for her to speak her mind.
"Hotch is a good man." She grabbed his hand and held on, rubbing soothing circles along his skin, "He's brave and strong and commanding, but also kind and gentle. The perfect knight in shining armor type, you know? He cares about all of us and he loves Jack with everything he is. He's a wonderful father, and he's trustworthy and dependable, and totally gorgeous..."
"JJ..." he interrupted her, "Does Will know about your crush on our boss?"
He was partly joking and partly trying to calm himself down.
"Oh, yeah," she chuckled, "I go on and on to him about Hotch and Morgan all the time. He's very understanding."
The playfulness helped him relax and he gave her a small smile.
"In all seriousness, though," she continued, "It's clear to me that you both care a great deal for one another. He's one of the good ones, and I can see how it'd be hard not to fall for him. But Spencer, you need to realize that you're one of the good ones, too. You're both amazing, and I think you both deserve each other, when the time's right. Just promise me you'll take things slow with him. Make sure you're really ready before you jump into anything too serious. Okay?"
"Um, okay." He didn't know what else to say. JJ was being extremely up front about her feelings, but also very approving, and it made him feel warm and comfortable. Made him feel accepted. "We're not really doing anything, though, um," his brows furrowed, then his lips quirked up in a shy grin, "Well, not much of anything. To be honest, I don't know what we're doing; but I do know that I love being around him. He makes me feel safe and special and...wanted. I can let my guard down when he's near. I trust him, and being with him makes me happy."
"Good," she whispered, squeezing his hand as a tear fell down her cheek, "Because you deserve to be happy Spencer. You both do," she smiled, "And if being together makes you happy then I'm behind you one hundred percent. I love you."
"I love you too, JJ."
After one more hug and a few minutes to dry their eyes they caught up to the rest of the group, and the next several hours were spent going from enclosure to enclosure while Reid imparted vast amounts of knowledge on each animal to two very excited and curious little boys. They all had a picnic lunch next to the monkeys and shared a funnel cake while watching the sea lion show. When they went to pet the sting rays JJ flat out refused to get close, even when Reid assured her they didn't have their barbs. Jack, on the other hand, was so excited that he almost fell into the pool with them.
A day that had started out a bit rocky and tumultuous had turned into something relaxing and comfortable, full of fun and laughter. He was outside, spending time in the real world with people that he loved and he was wholeheartedly enjoying every minute of it. It was absolutely refreshing, and pretty much exactly what he'd needed.
About halfway through their lunch was when it'd happened—when he'd realized he'd started to feel more like his old self.
More like the person he'd been before he'd ever even met Parker Simmons.
He was Dr. Spencer Reid again.
At least for the day.
And it felt amazing.
.