Chapter Twenty – One: Behind These Bars, a Change in Tempo!
Mikaru woke up with a start. He looked at the clock.
06:13
... He was late. He looked around, noticing that Hisao was already gone. He sprung into action, getting his running clothing on and hopping out the window, landing in a tree that was right outside. He clung to it, letting himself slide down a bit before he dropped, catching another branch. After that, he let go again, falling nine feet and rolling at the bottom. He got to his feet and sprinted off towards the track, a spring in his step that surprised him.
When he got there, he noted with a bit of sadness that Emi was all alone, rolling back and forth with her head down. Jogging over, he stopped in front of her, hopping in place a bit.
"Hey, Emi, how did you sleep?"
She looked up at him, a little shocked. He looked good; not just physically, but mentally as well. It surprised her.
"M – Mikaru? Hey! I thought you were going to try and skip out on me..."
Mikaru laughed.
"Now, why would I go and do something stupid like skip out on my beautiful girlfriend? Come on; I've already stretched; How about I run us around the track a bit?"
She was baffled at the happy energy he was exuding. He seemed like an entirely different person today! After a moment, she blushed when she realized that he had complimented her.
"B – Beautiful? Where... What did you do? Is... is something wrong?"
He laughed at her comment, kneeling down before kissing her passionately.
"No, I didn't mess up. I'm just... I'm changing it up a little. Come on, let's go!"
He spun around her, pinching his arms around the sides of the handles before taking off, making her scream and giggle. He turned sharply at the track, sliding over the gravel before getting up to a good pace. Even though she couldn't run herself, she couldn't deny that this still felt great, if not for different reasons. Mikaru seemed like he was really, truly happy today, and the thought of him being like this all the time made her heart flutter.
After a half an hour, Mikaru slowed to a walk, starting his cool down. After she caught her breath, she spoke to him as he walked.
"So... my knee was feeling better today..."
He chuckled, responding instantly.
"Really? That's good news. You'll probably be back on your feet in no time, at this rate."
She laughed a bit, putting the breaks on her chair before looking back at the boy. He walked in front of her, kneeling down so he was eye – to – eye with the girl.
"That's true, but... It's not exactly what I was getting at..."
She smiled at him, her eyes trying to get the boy to understand what she meant.
"Oh, so... You think that you're... not hurt? Is that what you're saying?"
She gave a shy nod, and he looked at her with a twinkle in his eye.
"Well... isn't that something... I may... have to look into that myself. Just to be sure, of course. I wouldn't want you to... to sprain something else, by accident..."
She chuckled, her eyes lighting up.
"Oh, you would help me with that? I'm flattered. I just... I wouldn't want you to get the wrong idea, or anything... I mean, I think I have something else that needs looking at too..."
He was about to say something, but he noticed something out of the corner of his eye and stood up abruptly.
"Hisao! Dammit, you're late!"
Hisao looked at his watch as he jogged over.
"You were too, ya big lug! It's your fault, anyway. Keeping me up to the crack of dawn..."
Emi looked up at him, her eyebrows rising. He looked down at her, and smiled.
"Oh, you don't know. Me and Hisao were making some phone calls last night. It's a surprise, though, so no interrogations!"
She balked at him, before she huffed a little, crossing her arms and pouting off to the side a bit.
"Emi... You know that the pout doesn't work on me..."
She looked up at him, glaring.
"Some boyfriend you are..."
Hisao scratched the back of his head a bit.
"Uh... Should I... Should I come back later?"
Mikaru looked over at the boy, grinning.
"... Only if you can think of some other way of working up a sweat..."
Hisao blushed at his insinuation, running onto the track. Mikaru chuckled, running away from the boy.
"Dammit, Mikaru, You'll pay for that!"
Emi laughed at the boys, content to watch them as the sprinted after each other across the grass, eventually ignoring the track altogether for some good old – fashioned boyish roughhousing. She Smiled sweetly, though, as Mikaru pretended to stumble, allowing Hisao to catch up with him and whack him over the head a bit. It was so that Hisao didn't keel over from a heart attack, but the action was sweet nonetheless.
Mikaru... he's so sweet. He's always patient with us. I've only seen him lose his temper once. He's... he's a really good person...
She frowned as the boys resumed their chase, Hisao being the mouse this time to Mikaru's cat.
It was easy to be with him when he was emotionally distant... can I... can I handle being near him when he's like this?
Mikaru looked over at the girl in the wheelchair, smiling as he watched her roll back and forth absentmindedly. He turned to Hisao, who was still catching his breath, and patted him on the shoulder. He turned his head to Mikaru, and then looked where he was pointing. He looked back, and Mikaru spoke.
"Get the chair."
Hisao grinned, and followed him as he ran towards his girlfriend.
"Hey, Emi, how's your knee?"
She looked up at him, surprised at his closeness.
"Well, like I said, it wasn't a - WHAAAHAHAHAAA!"
She screamed in delight as he scooped her up, throwing her into the air a bit to get her onto his shoulders. Her hands flailed around a bit, but found purchase on his outstretched arms. She smiled as he started running back towards the buildings, now effectively nine feet tall.
"What – What are you doing! AHH! Hahahaha!"
She giggled with delight as he wove this way and that, spreading his arms a bit and making her feel like she was a kid again, playing airplane.
"You looked a little down in that chair, so I thought you needed a little... pick – me up..."
She laughed at his 'punny' remark, giggling madly as he ran.
Right now, sitting on his strong shoulders, she didn't have a care in the world.
Is this... is this what love feels like?
Mikaru stepped into the classroom, surprising himself and the few others present that he was actually early for once. One of those people was Mikki, who looked up at him with a disbelieving look in her eyes. He frowned a bit, before he stepped up to her and spoke.
"... Hey, Mikki. I think... I think we need to..."
She nodded, cutting him off and stepping outside the classroom. The halls were still relatively empty, the final rush still not here yet, so it was considerably isolated.
"Hey, Mikaru. You look... good, today. Which... doesn't quite add up. What's... what's going on with you?"
He looked both ways, ensuring that nobody could overhear them, before he turned back and spoke.
"Yeah, about last night... I'm sorry for worrying you like that. It's just... I had a couple things that I was... that I was having trouble coping with from when before I was... well, before I was handicapped, and it... well, the song brought me back there."
She looked a little more concerned at his words, raising her hand to his shoulder.
"Ok, but are you good? You had me pretty worried last night. I thought that..."
He smiled at her, and she seemed to relax a little.
"It's uh... it's nothing I can't handle. Although, I have to admit, I... I didn't quite peg you for being the 'orchestral' kind of girl."
She blushed, punching on the arm, before looking back at him with a smile.
"Oh, shut up! It was just a little bit of homework I was doing, for my music class. I play percussion."
His eyebrows rose at this.
"Really? Are you guys going to play that piece?"
She seemed to turn into him a little, a little more interested in the conversation than she had been before.
"Well, we're supposed to. It's... it's really hard, actually. I... do you... do you know a lot about music?"
He stiffened, looking around again before closing his eyes, taking a deep breath and steeling himself. He looked up at the girl, who now looked concerned again.
"Yeah, you could... you could say that. I know... I know quite a bit, actually."
She looked down at his arms, and back up to his eyes. Realization came across them, and she seemed to shrink a little.
"Oh... I'm... That really sucks..."
He crossed his arms, giving her a sad smile.
"It's... it's a little bad, but... That's why I wanted to talk to you actually. I was hoping that you'd... that you'd let me swing by one day. I want... I want it back, Mikki. So, so bad. I know that we haven't really gotten to know each other much, but -"
She held her hand up, smiling a sweet, small smile at him.
"It's... it's ok. Mikaru. I... I'd be happy to."
His smile widened a bit, before he nodded resolutely and turned away.
"Just tell me when. I'll be there."
She watched his back as he turned the corner before sliding down the wall a bit.
What is up with that guy? He's like... a puzzle box...
She laughed a tiny bit to herself, before shaking her head and walking in after him. This is going to be an interesting day...
Mikaru, Hanako, Lilly and Hisao sat in the tea room, quietly eating their food. Mikaru had brought his own today; applesauce, from a bottle. A little gross, but it beat starving.
Hanako decided to talk then.
"H – Hello... Mikaru..."
Mikaru turned to the girl giving her a large smile. He spoke softly.
"Hi, Hanako. I'm glad you're feeling better today."
She smiled a bit, blushing as she looked down.
"Th – Thank you, Mikaru..."
He smiled, looking over to Lilly and Hisao. Hisao was watching Lilly eat, a soft look on his face. He decided to talk to the group about his recent encounter with Mikki.
"So, I spoke with Mikki about something today, and I figured... well, it was time to move on."
The three heads turned to him. Lilly and Hisao had questioning looks on their faces. Hanako looked surprised, and a little frightened.
"What do you mean by that, Mikaru? Are... Did you and..."
He laughed a bit, cutting the girl off.
"- No, Me and Emi are still together. It's actually got nothing to do with her. You see, I used to... I'm a musician."
The three were startled by his sudden admission. Hanako audibly gasped at the words.
"... Hisao and I were walking through the dormitories at curfew last night, and... well, I heard a song from my past that I was familiar with. After an awkward conversation, and a kick in the pants by Hisao... I figured it was time to get back on the horse, you know? So I spoke with her. Turns out, they're doing the song in their music class, and she invited me to swing by and listen sometime. So, I'm gonna... I'm gonna do it."
Hanako spoke then, surprising all of them. Her tone was excited and happy, and only the slightest bit shy.
"R – Really? That's... That's really good, Mikaru... I'm... I'm glad..."
He turned to the girl, smiling.
"Thanks, Hanako."
He turned back to the others, just in time for Lilly to speak.
"I agree with Hanako. It's good that you want to do this. However, are you sure it's... wise? What if... you aren't ready for it yet?"
Mikaru chuckled a bit, softly, before speaking.
"... No, Hisao's words were clear. It doesn't matter if I think I'm ready or not. I probably won't be. That's no excuse not to try, though, right? I... I've gotta do this. I can't possibly expect to... to move on if I don't. Maybe I still got it, after these years... that would be something, huh?"
Lilly smiled sweetly at his words.
"I hope... for what it's worth, I sincerely hope that you find it again. It... it would be good for you."
He smiled, before a knock at the door pulled them from their conversation. Hisao got up and went to the door, opening it up before turning back into the room.
"Mikaru... It's Mikki."
Mikaru was scared. He couldn't imagine what he was going to feel when he got in there. Luckily for him, Mikki picked up on it, and stopped them when they arrived.
"Hey, Mikaru? If you're not ready for this..."
"- No!"
She stopped, surprised at his outburst.
"... No. I'm... I've got this. Open the door, Mikki. It's time I faced the music."
She smiled triumphantly at him, giving his arm a squeeze before she opened the door.
Inside the large room were a vast array of instruments, each one Mikaru had remembered playing something on at some point. He looked to the trumpet, remembering when he played TAPS for the first time. He looked over at the Cello, which he distinctly remembered playing extensively. He scanned over all of the instruments, with a mixture of awe, excitement and terror as his memories of music flooded back to him in a wave.
Mikaru stumbled backwards, hitting the wall hard and sliding into a chair. Mikki turned, striding up to him and sitting beside him. She grabbed his arm, stroking it, lightly tapping his face with her bandaged stump.
"Mikaru? Hey, are you gonna be okay?"
He looked over to the kind girl who was being so patient with him, and felt a tear run down his face.
"I'm... I'm okay. I got this. I was... It's been so long. Part of me expected to forget, but... I remember it all. Beethoven on the Cello. TAPS on the trumpet. Over forty pieces on the flute... I... I played everything here..."
She looked at the stricken boy, feeling her own tear fall.
"Everything? I... oh, Kamis..."
He shook his head, steeling his nerves again and standing up.
"I got this. Show me what you do. I need to hear it for myself."
She nodded, feeling herself get incredibly happy at the boy's bravery. She walked him over to the back, where she found her spot by the timpani and the chimes.
"This is my place. I play everything in this corner, along with my partner. He's missing a leg, and is deaf in one ear. He likes the noise though, so I enjoy it."
She picked up one of the mallets, securing it to her arm and using her teeth to tie it in place with her bandage. She then grabbed another one in her hand, and tapped out a little song. As she tapped away, she heard Mikaru singing along softly. His voice was, surprisingly, a comfortably warm tenor.
"... You're really good, Mikaru."
He looked at her, shaking his head before staring at her dumbly.
"- What was that?"
She looked at him funny.
"... You were singing. You have a great voice. I didn't expect a tenor though."
He froze a bit, before he took a breath and smiled.
"Thank you... I... I used to sing all the time. Had a couple jobs of it, actually. I've been singing since I was a little boy."
She smiled, looking at the boy a little before bending down to her shoe. She loosed one of her laces, taking the shoes off and grabbing a metal rod.
"Here. Try the Vibraphone with me. I'll tie this to your arm, like me."
He smiled at her, and gave a nod.
"O – okay..."
She secured it using her teeth and hand. When she was finished, she watched with pleasure as he walked over to the Vibraphone, and lightly rapped it with his rod. Feeling the effects of the smooth note, he tapped out a little tune, which she recognized as the melody to a popular English song by a singer named Gotye.
"I shouldn't be surprised, but you're pretty good at that as well."
He turned back to her and gave a little smile. He took a deep breath and sighed, speaking in an airy tone. He seemed far away, but she wasn't too worried by it now.
"It's... it's just like the piano..."
She didn't miss the significance in his voice. She grabbed his wrist gently, taking her shoelace off of him. He looked a little saddened at his loss, but didn't argue.
"... baby steps, Mikaru. I think we can get there. Not today, though. The class is starting soon. Wanna sit down in the corner there?"
He smiled at her, recognizing the wisdom in her words. It wouldn't do him any good to rush; he could just end up getting frustrated again and giving up. Nodding to her, he let her lead him to a seat, before she walked over to the teacher. She tapped her on the shoulder, and spoke in quiet tones, gesturing back at him before talking some more. The teacher nodded before making her way over to him.
"Are you Mr. Kanasu?"
"No – well... yes, mam. It's... it's a pleasure to meet you."
She looked at him in appraisal before giving a nod, and turning back to Mikki.
"No problems, right Mikki? It's on you if this is a mistake."
The haughty woman walked away, and Mikki sat down next to the boy.
"I'm... I'm Sor -"
"- No, She's right. It's not an issue, though. I'm not new to that look; I'll be fine."
He looked over at the girl, giving her a reassuring smile.
"Okay? I got this. Now, go show me that you got this."
She grinned, punching him on the shoulder before walking away.
Girl's got a mean punch...
His thoughts were interrupted by the bell ringing, and a swarm of students hurrying to their places. None of them seemed to notice him, so he didn't mind. One, however, ran up to him.
"Mi – Mikaru? What – What are you doing here?"
He smiled at her, remembering her as the girl who thought he was 'really handsome' from the hall that day when he decided that Hanako had won...
What? What was... What?
"Uh, hi there. You, uh, you ran off before I could get your name that day. So what is it?"
"It's... uh..."
"- Everyone take a seat, please. We have much to do today, and little time to do it in."
As the girl scurried away, Mikaru couldn't help himself but to return to his other thoughts.
That day... before the Shanghai... I'd decided that, if it ever came down to choosing... that Hanako... Hanako was the one for me... What... What happened to that notion? Where... where did I go... go wrong?
Wait.
When did I decide I had feelings for Hanako?
Mikaru was deeply troubled by this. He started to wonder if, maybe, he had been wrong to start a relationship with Emi. Maybe, Just maybe, Hisao had been onto something when he said that he thought that he was two – timing somebody.
That's certainly how he felt now, and the thought made him feel... dirty. Like... he was a bad person.
"- I hope that you actually managed to study the performance last night. We've been... saddled... with an unexpected guest. I expect you to do no less than your absolute best. Is that clear? Now, From the top."
She cleared her throat, and Mikaru's seized up. Oh, god. Oh god, oh god, oh god. I... I can't do this. I can't do this. I'm not ready, I -
The teacher raised her baton, and the class raised their instruments. Their movements were practiced, and he noted with something akin to pride how close to perfect it was. He wondered to himself if their performance would -
Deep Breath.
Blinding Smile.
Charisma, Charisma, Charisma.
... Showtime.
His face worked it's self into a pose he hadn't used for almost five years now - the firm – eyed, slightly frowning face of a serious musician, or a critic.
- I... NO! DAMMIT! I GOT THIS!
The teacher's hand moved. Five beats in a bar. Quarter note gets the beat.
... just as he remembered it. From behind him, he heard the tapping of the batons as they rapped together. He turned his head, looking at Mikki as she watched her music, her foot tapping from behind the xylophone that obscured the rest of her body. After Five taps, the first, pulsing beats of the song rang out, and he was taken away.
The boy stood in front of the large crowd of people, his back turned on them. In front of him, an assortment of some of the greatest musicians Canada had to offer were watching him, expectantly. He felt his stomach turning over in his torso, but his body was calm. His face wore the frown his mother had taught him to use when he regarded the others. One of them, a really pretty girl named Marie, smiled at the boy excitedly, her Cello in her hand. He took a deep breath, opened his eyes again, and moved his hand. The crowd's excited murmuring died instantly as the first driving beats hung low in the air. Then, as the bar finished, a bar of silence followed. The beats sounded again, and the violins punctuated the upstrokes, filling the empty space in the music. After that, the violins stopped, and the beats sounded again. They tempered off, decrescendo into silence. His hand hung in the air. The audience drew their breath, holding it as the suspense built. He heard someone shuffle in their seat and he took that as his cue. He moved his hand, and the music practically exploded outwards, knocking the wind out of the audience. Applause sounded, but the music soon drowned it out. He felt the smallest of grins reach his lips, and he marched them on through the dark, moody music he had written.
The boy's eyes unclouded, and he felt... calm. Like all was right in the world. That didn't last long though. As he came back into awareness, he noticed little mistakes, small ones, but they were large enough to cause dominoes in the others.
At Bar 22, a bow slipped. He let it slide.
At Bar 36, a trumpet played the wrong note, faltering before stopping altogether. Unacceptable.
At Bar 48, The trumpet from before tried to join the others, and it messed them up. Absolutely Unacceptable.
At Bar 55, the flutes were sloppy; not staccato. Not firm. Simply Unacceptable.
At Bar -
The music went on, and so did Mikaru. He noted, with satisfaction, that despite all his time away from the music, this song, even, that He Still Had It. His ear for a note was just as sharp as it was before, and his mind was already figuring out the best ways to fix the problems he was hearing, even as he kept identifying more problems to solve. When the song ended, he noted with pride that Mikki hadn't made a single mistake, despite all of the opportunities she had to do so.
He clapped his stubs together, drawing the attention of the whole class, teacher included.
"... That wasn't too bad. Almost like I remembered it."
The teacher put her hands on her hips, glaring authoritatively and challenging at the boy. He stood to meet her. The whole class gasped.
"- Is that so, Mr. Kanasu? And what, pray tell, makes you qualified to judge this performance?"
He looked back at Mikki, speaking loudly.
"It's simple, really. I haven't always been a Kanasu, you know. You see, my name is actually Michael Souta. This is my song."
Mikki's eyes widened, and the class collectively gasped. No one was expecting that.
"- I beg your pardon?"
He turned back to the teacher, walking up to her. She seemed to deflate a little as she got a better look at him.
"... You heard me. I'm Michael Souta. I wrote this. I was there that day, on the podium, when the best musicians Canada had to offer played it. I was conducting."
He turned back to the class, raising his arms.
"After making a mistake in judgement, I lost my hands, and was sent to prison for five years. To avoid shaming my family, I had them try me as Kanasu Mikaru, under my Japanese Citizenship. The documents on my Canadian citizenship exist to this day, however. As does my name, and heritage. That -"
He wheeled on the teacher, looking at her hard.
"- is how I am qualified. And that is why you will give me the goddamn respect I deserve."
He turned back to the class, looking at them for a moment, before clearing his voice and speaking.
"... if anyone is interested, I will be on the roof at the end of this period, and I would be happy to give you my notes, recommendations, and any other information regarding the piece. However, I seem to have overstayed my welcome. Class. Mikki. Farewell."
He turned and left, leaving the room quiet in his wake. The teacher, unused to being stood up to by anyone, let alone someone who was better than she was, sat back disbelievingly. The students were quiet, some of them looking back at Mikki with mixtures of amusement, disbelief, jealousy, anger, and curiosity. After a long, tense silence, one student spoke; the girl from the hallway.
"... Holy Shit."
"... Holy shit..."
Mikaru sat back on the bench on the roof, the gravity of his actions only just now hitting with their full force.
He did it. He ACTUALLY did that.
He made it through the piece. He cussed out the teacher. He reclaimed his true name. He offered to coach the students -
OH SHIT!
Why on earth would I do something silly like that? God, I am an idiot sometimes. Why couldn't I just leave well enough alo -
"Mi – Mikaru?"
Hanako peeked out at the boy from behind the stairwell. Oh shit. Hanako is here. HANAKO IS HERE! What am I gonna do? I can't face her right now!
"Uh, Hi Hanako. What, uh – What are you doing up here?"
She looked down, a little disappointed.
"I... well I thought that you'd... want to... talk to... to me..."
He felt bad. Really, really bad. He couldn't let Hanako feel like that. He couldn't comfort her either, though. DAMN ME AND MY STUPID BRAIN!
"No, Hanako, I do. Please, join me."
... Burn and die, brain. You suck.
"O – okay..."
She sat down, leaving a slight amount of space between them.
"So... what... how did..."
"- I did something really stupid, Hanako."
She looked up at the boy, a little shocked at his frank speech.
"Like... like what?"
He looked at her, hard, before he looked away, giving a sigh of shame.
"I... I got carried away. I made a mistake, and... and I don't know what to do about it. I... I don't know what I want anymore."
Hanako paused, considering his words, before speaking.
"Did it... did it feel like... like a mistake... at – at the time?"
He looked at the girl's knees. Did it?
"I... I don't really know. When I did it, I... I wasn't really feeling much of anything..."
She frowned, turning his gaze up to meet hers.
"Do... do you regret what you did?"
He paused, thinking about it.
"I... I don't know, Hanako. A very, very large part of me does. But, one small part... the old me... it doesn't."
Hanako frowned, looking away.
"It's... it's strange, how much... how much can change in a day... isn't it?"
He looked at her, unable to speak. In an unusual spur of bravery, she looked at him and continued.
"I... I remember the day... the day when... when fire ruined... ruined my life. I... I thought that it was my fault, that... that my mother... died..."
She started to cry a little, but Mikaru could do nothing about it. Nothing, that wasn't morally compromising that is. You know, because having this conversation with her in the first place wasn't morally compromising enough.
"... I... I thought it was... it was my... my fault... but..."
She stopped crying then, wiping her tears. Her voice grew constantly more steady as time went on.
"... but... I know... now... that it... it wasn't. It wasn't my fault. You... you taught me that."
Mikaru gasped at her confession. He didn't know what he could say about that.
"... When you were brave, even... even when you didn't know what to... to do, it... it inspired me. I looked at my life again, and... and... and I realized why... my mother did what she did. She did it because... she loved me. It was her job to save my life, because... because she knew that one day, I could... I could save someone else's. It makes sense to me, and when you went with Mikki today, I... I felt... proud... to know you. Even if..."
Mikaru couldn't help himself.
"- Even if?"
She looked away, slumping into herself.
"Even if... you weren't doing it... for me... anymore..."
Mikaru wanted to hit something then. He DID want to do it for her. HE HAD done it for her. Why was he so stupid? Why did he ever betray them like that?
"... You were doing it for yourself. And that was... and that was what I needed to see. I needed... to see you... do something for... for you, for once."
... What?
"... So, I'm... I'm going to start living for... for myself as well. It's... it's what you want, isn't it? To see people grow and eventually move... move away?"
He didn't know what to say. Yes, he wanted her to grow as a person. No, he didn't want her to leave him. What should he say? What CAN he say?
"I... I... Hanako... I don't... DAMMIT!"
He stood up, bolting over to the stairwell and punching it as hard as he could. The concrete block shattered, and he felt a bone in his arm chip again.
"Mi – Mikaru! What's – What's wrong with you?"
"I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE, OKAY? I CAN'T HANDLE THIS RIGHT NOW! I... I... I'm... I'm sorry... I..."
He fell down, cradling his injured arm and crying.
"Yes, I want you to grow. But... but... Dammit, I don't... I don't want you to go away, either. I – I fucked up, okay? I fucked up... I wasn't ready for this. I... I didn't know..."
He felt himself shrink, ruing the day he was born for shouting at his friend like that. He never wanted that. He NEVER wanted that.
"... I shouldn't have said anything, Hanako. I... I just wish I knew, for once! DAMMIT! Why do I keep on fucking up like this?"
Hanako was bolted to the bench. She couldn't believe her words had impacted him so much. She was so confused. Why did he care so much? Why did she care so much? She started to understand his feelings of confusion and anger.
"Mikaru."
He looked up at the girl, still clutching his arm.
"... I think... I think... baby... steps..."
He chuckled, the sound of it being not something he really felt on the inside.
"I think... I think you're right, Hanako. Baby steps. Rome wasn't built in a day. Neither will I get over my problems. Hanako... I'm still your friend, right?"
She looked over at him, nodding.
"O – of course... Mikaru..."
He nodded, steeling himself for what he was about to say.
"... in about five minutes, people are going to come up here. You shouldn't... you shouldn't be here when they arrive. Beyond that, though, I... I'm going to... pull away for a while."
She froze.
"W – What?"
He didn't look at her as he spoke.
"I need... I need you to... to tell the others... that I'm... that I'm ok. Hisao. Lilly. Emi. All of them. I can't... I need some time to... to grow."
She didn't want that. Why was he choosing now, of all times, over all things, to pull away like this?
"But – But I – I don't -"
"Hanako. I need this. I... I can't... I can't be the friend you want me to be... that you need me to be... like this. I'm... I'm too fucked up. I need... I need some space. I'll... I'll come back, okay? I promise you, I'll come back. And when I do, If... if you'll have me... I'll still be your friend... but I... I can't -"
"- Fine. I... I understand. You're wrong, though. I... I need to... I need to go."
She got up and left, storming through the door. He felt his heart die at her words, but a small part of him, the smallest, tiniest part, was... happy.
I'm... I'm wrong... Am... am I wrong, though?
The meeting was packed, as was the roof. Nobody seemed to notice the boy's broken arm, or the concrete dust that was on it, but he felt glad about that. Mikki was concerned, though.
Couldn't have that.
"Mikaru? Are you okay? Today was -"
"I'm fine, Mikki. You've done me a great service today. I'll never forget it. That being said... go away. I need to be alone right now. Just myself. Myself... alone... you understand, ne?"
His words were cold. They shook her, but she nodded, turning on her heel and walking away before she said something stupid.
The others didn't notice. They all gave him happy, appreciative, adoring smiles. Disgusting.
... The one girl from the hall was the most infuriating, though. Simply because she wasn't disgusting.
"Thank you, Mikaru. Have a... have a nice week."
She knew. She knew that I was withdrawing from them. Funny, how blind adoration turns into tempered observation after solitude. I suppose she is like me. Maybe she will do.
"... Girl."
The others had left by now. She stopped, turning to me.
"Y – yes?"
"... I want to compose a concert. I ask you to assist me. Is this agreeable?"
She gawked at him before sputtering a bit.
"- I have a name too, you pompous asshole!"
"You do? Funny, I've asked you twice, and yet, you never gave one."
She paused, taking a deep breath before turning back to him.
"My name is... is... is..."
Mikaru waited, his arms at his sides. He wanted to cross them. A glare would have to suffice.
"My name, is... is... Ca – Carla. Carla Simpson."
Mikaru raised his eyebrow, before speaking in English.
"Do you speak English, Carla Simpson?"
She opened her mouth, as if in shock, but put a bitter grin on her face, shaking her head before speaking back in perfect, native, American English.
"Not... Not to you, Jerk."
He grinned. She was angry. She would definitely do.
"You are mad at me? That's good. That's good energy. You should use it. Write a concert with me."
She crossed her arms, leaning on one leg and speaking indignantly.
"Why would I waste my time helping you write a stupid concert when you're such a big JERK?!"
Mikaru didn't pause. His voice was dark, cold, and it chilled even himself.
"... Because I intrigue you. You were distracted the whole class, watching me as I examined you playing my piece. You want to see the dark, troubled heart that could write such music from such an early age. And I offer you the chance to see it. Yet, you refuse me. I won't ask again. Help me. Write. This. Concert."
She paused, frozen by his words. She was frightened by him. However, human curiosity is a tenacious thing.
"... Fine. I'll do it. What do you need?"
Mikaru didn't pause.
"As of this moment, you are my understudy. Your obligations are, in no particular order, to scribe my work on the page. To interpret my communications. To intercept and dispose of interruptions, distractions, and other such things. And, finally, to deal with me and my anger. Other stipulations include: That I may, at any time, post addendum to the verbal contract we are forming today, but not alter or change any of our current stipulations or any other stipulations arising from said addendum. I may, not, at any time, through action or inaction, allow you to come into physical harm. You may not express displeasure with a stipulation without sufficient supporting evidence, decided by myself. Finally, your payment. If you so choose to enter into agreement with myself, I will give to you a sum of no less or more than 1,000,000 Yen, and also be bound to ensure that your contribution to my work is properly cited, upon completion of the work. Ten seconds. Is this agreeable?"
She didn't have to think 5.
"... Fine."
End of Chapter Twenty – One: Behind These Bars, a Change in Tempo!
Next Time! Chapter Twenty – Two: Behind These Bars, I Live in Exile!