I'd like to announce something really cool before we start, if that's okay with you guys ;)
I am doing my very first fic collab!
And it's with none other than the EPIC Lyricoloratura!
*dolphin-noises*
I AM SO EXCITE, YOU HAVE NO IDEA! I'm sure most of you know who she is, but in case anyone doesn't, you guys should totally check out oh anything andeverything she's written, because she is AWESOME. Seriously. I can't wait for y'all to read our little fic that is being created right now and therefore might take an itty bit to post… BUT! K/S! YAY!
(also, this chapter? Has somehow both angst and schmoop by the BUCKETLOAD)
Chapter Twenty: Veritate et Virtute
When he was right outside the door of the courtroom, Jim's communicator beeped. There was a message on it from Mr Moss, and it said win them over and he's yours.
Jim snorted. Of course the lawyer knew exactly which buttons to push.
Unsubtle bastard.
x
"Mr Spock, I am not asking for a justification, I am asking for a reasoned, logical explanation for your actions—"
"Justification and explanation are synonymous words if—"
"Let's not go into semantics right now."
Spock raised an eyebrow and pointedly looked at the Veritas device, now off but still very conspicuously there. He'd been doing brilliantly so far and it was making Mr Moss positively glow with relief. It was also making Jim want to kiss him even more than usual, but that couldn't be helped.
"Semantics are vitally important, Miss Shaw."
Areel didn't look flustered, which Jim reluctantly gave her credit for because if anyone could toe the line between self-righteousness and arrogance without actively projecting either of the two, well, that was Spock for you.
Spock who minutes ago had let Jim into his mind and shown him that he loved him, but whatever. Not like that was, you know, life-changing or anything. Jim wasn't freaking out. Jim wasn't even thinking about it. Jim wasn't in love with his First Officer or anything desperately stupid like that.
"Captain Kirk was apprehended by a native gang at Fereni Moon and you ordered the Enterprise's weapons loaded, Mr Spock. How can you possibly use semantics to get out of this?"
No, she wasn't flustered, but her tone was cold with anger.
"Our transporter was disabled and the ship's phasers were the only means of—"
"Those phasers are designed for combat in deep space, Commander, not to threaten the population of a peaceful planet—"
"Have you included the medical report among the information of this case?" Spock interrupted curtly.
Areel was two steps ahead of him.
"The injuries sustained by Captain Kirk during his captivity have nothing to do with—"
"Ten broken distal phalanges, two third-degree burns, multiple lacerations and contusions—"
"Commander Spock." Areel drew herself up to her full height, which wasn't much. "I am aware of the trauma Captain Kirk endured. But I am asking you why you armed your ship and threatened the population of a peaceful—"
"I took a calculated risk by threatening to eliminate the members of a violent tribe that beat and severely injured Captain Kirk," Spock replied calmly. He managed not to sound too patronizing when he rephrased the attorney's words but there was an air of self-assurance in him that made his words sound like fact. "I armed the phasers because the gang had sufficient technology to block our transporter capabilities and therefore could in all probability perform a basic scan of the power-distribution of the Enterprise."
Jim remembered this mission. One of their latest; a few weeks before Tersal and the huge mess that had been. Thankfully he'd been bloody unconscious for most of Fereni, but there had been a few dark hours of thinking he really would die at the hands of a bunch of thugs with no more glory than an animal that had fallen into a hunter's trap and was deemed too skinny to eat.
Actually, it hadn't been long after this mission that Spock and Uhura broke up. Not that it had been related, Jim was sure.
"The precision required to only harm the gang-members is not compatible with the design of the starship Enterprise's phasers," Areel argued.
Spock nodded once. "That is correct, however it was not my intention to fire them."
"Really? Because the acting Captain's log entry you submitted says something slightly different." Areel typed something into her datapad and started to read, loudly and clearly; "Captain Kirk has been retrieved and I shall be resuming my regular duties soon... here it is. Mr Scott was ordered to activate the phasers in order to simulate battle-ready conditions. The phasers were not discharged due to insufficiently precise targeting capabilities, which could cause potential damage of several ecosystems and threaten the Captain's life. The civilian population in this area of the Fereni desert is non-existent."
Spock looked impassive at hearing his own words. Distant and unaffected. But somehow, not cold. Something about him felt... charged. Confident. This was the final day and they could win, the nightmare could be over and then...
Well, one crisis at a time might be best, for now. 'Then' could come later. Jim would wait. He hadn't said so aloud, not like Spock (he couldn't talk poetic for shit), but for this he would wait a lifetime, two, three, different planets and different universes, it didn't matter.
"You don't even mention the captors," Areel said sharply, bringing Jim back to the situation at hand. Nothing had been won yet. "Not a word. Were they not at risk from the phasers too? Did they cease to be living beings the moment they threatened the Captain's life?"
"If they had been the sole party at risk from the phasers it would have been logical to eliminate the threat."
"Okay, yes, extreme situations and all that, but we have laws for a reason, Commander, and preserving life so those laws can be executed—"
"Their safety was not my primary concern. The Captain was being tortured. Surely I am not required to be emotionally compromised by him in order to wish to see that situation changed as soon as possible."
Areel gave a little huff of breath and walked over to her table, where she deposited the datapad in her arms and took another one.
Turning to follow her movements Jim caught a glimpse of his friends sitting in the fifth row; McCoy, Uhura, Sulu and even Scotty had made it. And hey, that was Chekov next to his Chief Engineer! They must have sneaked him in. Jim fought a smile, proud of his crew undermining the Commodore's authority like that.
"Very well. In this case I suppose Captain Kirk was under extreme duress and the situation called for drastic interference. Please justify for me, then, Commander, your actions during the search and exploration of Pirita II?"
Spock didn't reply immediately. "... What, precisely, do you find difficult to understand?"
"Well, the last remaining member of the species Hortatium canon evidencia was killed by Security Officer Groff under your instructions, correct?"
"Yes."
"And it hadn't captured and tortured Captain Kirk or, indeed, any other crewmember."
"It had murdered six of the local villagers."
Areel pursed her lips. "And it hadn't captured and tortured Captain Kirk or, indeed, any other crewmember," she repeated, like a conclusion. "It had killed in self-defense previously, but it had not harmed a hair on Captain Kirk's head, despite the fact that he was unfortunately trapped in its lair because of a landslide."
Spock blinked and waited patiently for her to finish, his face betraying nothing.
"You are on record ordering the creature not be harmed under any circumstances, despite the Captain's previous order to kill it if safe capture could not be ensured, and yet you immediately belied your own order to wipe out an entire species because it was in the same room as James Kirk."
"That is not the reason why I ordered its death."
"Well, you've yet to offer a valid one, Commander."
"Vulcans do not lie," Spock said calmly.
Areel narrowed her eyes. "What about cannot, Mr Spock? And may I remind the court that Mr Spock is only Vulcan on his father's side, his mother was Human."
Moss's tight grip on Jim's shoulder was the only thing that kept him from jumping to his feet and making a scene. How dare she...? It was supposed to be their little in-joke, their secret, that of course Spock was half-Vulcan so when he said "Vulcans do not feel emotion" it didn't really mean he wasn't happy, just that he was repressing it.
And the mention of Amanda had been a step too far.
"Forgive my bluntness, Commander, but we have no way of testing whether you are telling the truth."
"If you would permit me to—"
For a few moments no one in the room could understand why Spock had stopped talking.
The silence was expectant. And starting to draw out. Areel raised a haughty eyebrow and opened her mouth to say something...
And then Jim heard it too; a soft, perfectly innocent whirring coming from the stand, and then the light from the Veritas device blinked on.
"What—"
"Activaction code correct."
People stared.
No one had said anything.
"Scanning defendant's answers for veracity only. Defendant is—" it made a very weird soud Jim was sure he couldn't reproduce for the life of him "—Spock, Starfleet Commander, Science Officer and First Officer of the Starship Enterprise. Defendant located."
After a short pause, it whirred again and clicked.
"Proceed."
There was dead quiet for maybe half a beat before Commodore Emerett banged his gavel pre-emptively.
"Silence!"
Everyone was staring at the device, including Spock.
"There must have been some sort of technical error. Someone please page Maintenance?"
Right. Of course. The Commodore's words served to break the incredulous, tense atmosphere because they made perfect sense. Spock was Vulcan, the Veritas device didn't work on him, and even though it should theoretically be able to detect an inconclusive scan on it's own, this one had obviously malfunctioned.
"Have you been scanned before, Mr Spock?" Emerett asked calmly.
"No. I am Vulcan, Commodore, it is believed my species is among those immune."
"Correct."
The word rang in Jim's ears like a gunshot. The device was working. It was... how the hell had this happened?
Moss stood up. "Since this is such a clear case of equipment faliure may I suggest a recess while Maintenance deactivates Veritas?"
"I can do it," Jim said with a shrug. "It's not hard, I could—"
"Thank you, Captain Kirk, but you lack the necessary tools and furthermore you are the defendant, you aren't allowed to interfere in procedure." Commodore Emerett pursed his lips testily. "We shall convene in thirty minutes, and I want Commander Spock, Captain Kirk, Mr Moss and Miss Shaw in my office."
"What?" Jim turned to his lawyer and lowered his voice, trying to keep the worry out of it. "Why does he want us in his office?"
Moss looked grim. It wasn't a huge deviation from his usual expression, but something about the set of his jaw made Jim's eyes widen.
"This is bad, right?"
"It's... not good."
"Shit."
x
The four of them waited a full five minutes in strict silence while Emerett organized Maintenance and apparently made a few more comm calls of a suspicious nature. His office was the same one Jim had already been in before, meeting with all the senior officers to discuss the fact that people kept trying to kill him and Spock all the time. It was large but sparsely decorated; bare walls and two chairs besides the one behind a boring beige desk, as though whoever worked there barely spent any time in it, or at least considered personalizing the place to be beneath him. Emerett certainly fit either type.
Areel sat on one of the chairs with a PADD in her arms, and Moss sat next to her with his notebook (Jim suspected the paper pages might be a comfort thing). Jim and Spock were standing at opposite walls and not looking at each other in a very deliberate way for self-evident reasons.
Finally, the Commodore entered the room, his stomach preceding him slightly, the ghastly golden-green garment Jim was wearing too clashing rather horribly with his ruddy complexion.
"Good evening," he said distractedly, immediately walking to his desk and checking two datapads while simultaneously opening the computer. "I've made a few consultations and would like to do a little experiment while we wait."
Areel nodded and Moss frowned. They both looked like they knew what was about to happen and Jim could more or less guess, but he clung to the hope that it was his pessimistic side talking again. Because it had been proven wrong so many times before.
"Mr Spock."
"Yes, sir."
"Your mother was Human."
The statement was a bit random and Spock looked cautious when he replied. "Yes, sir."
"And you've never been scanned by a Veritas device before?"
"No, sir. I am Vulcan—"
"You're half-Vulcan."
Jim flinched a little. Spock looked evenly back at the Commodore, but it was ugly to hear this, to be reminded of Spock's mother's life like this, of her death like this. Spock very rarely spoke of the mission that had brought him and Jim together, that first crazy time where so many things went wrong simultaneously and they still, somehow, managed to save the Earth... and it was partly because of his allegedly shameful emotional behavior, but mostly because of the obvious. His planet. His mother.
"Yes. However, my physiology has proven to be practically entirely Vulcan."
Emerett sighed, but before he could start insulting Spock's culture again Jim stepped forward.
"Look, I think we all know what you're going to suggest next and I'm happy to be the one to say shove it."
Moss' jaw dropped but Jim ignored him, ignored Emerett's look of indignation. He couldn't care less about some guy's bruised ego right now.
"The device has clearly been tampered with. It was programmed to self-activate and bypass a security code, it scanned Commander Spock without any sort of express consent on his part previously, and it failed at scanning successfully because it didn't recognize it's own inability to scan his answer correctly, since Spock is Vulcan and therefore immune."
"Mind your tone, Captain Kirk," Emerett said, raising his voice in warning.
"Someone's sabotaging equipment and you want to use it!" Jim exploded. "My tone should be the least of our worries right now! Are you seriously considering—"
"How stupid do you think I am?" The Commodore interrupted angrily. "I said we'll do an experiment. I have with me another Veritas device in perfect working condition and if Mr Spock is truly immune then it will tell us so. But if he isn't, I'm sorry, I'm going to have to allow it."
"Then I'd like to ask for a deferral to give me time to discuss this development with my clients," Moss said firmly.
Before Emerett could answer Areel had risen to her feet. "Excuse me? This 'development'?" The air-finger quotes were implied in her tone. Jim glared at her. "This changes nothing. Was Mr Spock planning on lying at any point during the proceedings?"
"Of course not, but it benefits the prosecution, we've had no time to—"
Again, before Emerett could answer Areel spoke: "I repeat, this changes nothing, or at least should change nothing. The fact that Mr Spock is no longer capable of getting away with lying on the stand and under military oath to tell the truth doesn't benefit the prosecution."
"It does when the machine scanning his answers isn't reliable—"
"He's not going to take the test!" Jim snapped.
Emerett slammed a hand on his desk. "Yes he is or I am holding him in contempt, Captain Kirk, so either mind your tone or—"
"Enough."
Spock's deep voice somehow got them all to quiet down without shouting.
"I am willing to take the test," he said coolly. Jim's eyes shot to his but Spock was looking at the Commodore. "However I would like to note that if someone was capable of breaking into the courtroom to reprogram the device there I find no reason for them not to have done so with the remaining ones in this Starbase."
"There are several steps we can take to make sure it's in working condition, Commander," Emerett said. "A simple preliminary test will reveal all, and I can assure you my offices are well-locked—"
"Kindly spare me your assurances." Spock's tone could have cut diamond. "I presume the courtroom was well-locked also, and yet."
Emerett looked like he was thinking of yelling some more but finally he relented. "Very well."
He sat on his chair and rummaged under the desk for a few moments. Areel was still standing with the datapad in her hands, and while she had the grace not to look triumphant, there was a calculating gleam in her eye that was making Jim very nervous.
"Here we go."
The Commodore produced a black case which he proceeded to open in front of them, and carefully took out the PADD–sized Veritas device.
"Gregory John Emerett, code seventy-three twenty-four twelve ninety-eight."
Whirr-click. And then: "Confirmed. Proceed."
"Scan Commander Spock's answers for veracity only."
"Commander Spock located."
There was a low thrum, another whirr, another click. If it couldn't scan Spock's answers reliably it should say 'Inconclusive, subject not viable for—'
"Proceed."
Shit.
Dammit all to hell. Oh God, shit.
"Well."
This was Areel, and Jim hoped the next thing that came out of her mouth wasn't a comment half as smug as she looked because he was going to fucking lose it.
She could ask Spock anything, now. Anything, and if she asked the right thing it would all go horribly, terribly wrong.
But instead she turned to Mr Moss.
"You've studied the mechanisms in depth, Mr Moss, I've read a few of your papers. Do you think it's possible that the fact that Commander Spock is half-Human makes him vulnerable to the device?"
Spock's expression hadn't changed, and still gave nothing away. But there was something about the way he stared into nothingness, something so empty...
"You have to understand how it works."
"Everyone in this room knows how it works, Mr Moss," Jim said, wrenching his gaze away from his First Officer.
"Yes, but there are too many misconceptions. In the twenty and early twenty-first centuries Humans used various types of lie-detectors that would measure pulse, pupil dilation, blood-pressure, the works. But they weren't perfectly reliable as lie detectors. Lying is not the only thing that can cause those things, nerves can too, among other—anyway, it wasn't an exact science. The only way to measure a true lie is factoring all those symptoms in with brain-activity, a sort of cross-referencing, if you will, and then establishing a pattern that will enable the machine to identify it if it surfaces again."
Jim already knew most of this, and he was sure the others did too.
"Vulcan brain chemistry is so drastically different from Human that a scan will always be inconclusive. We simply haven't developed the technology capable of such a scan. They don't even have the same type of neuron synapses, and the telepathy alone can... but if Mr Spock's physiology has somehow enabled the device to find a pattern, then yes. Yes, it has managed to scan his answers reliably."
x
They managed to convince the Commodore to allow a day's delay, but tomorrow morning Spock's answers would be tested with the Veritas device.
When the little group left the Commodore's office Areel took off immediately with only a quick nervous glance at the both of them, but Moss had them linger in the corridor.
"Let me guess, we get to spend the next few hours talking about our feelings to death," Jim said with mock cheer. There were undoubtedly quite a few things he'd hate more than doing than this, but at the moment he was having a hard time coming up with anything beyond 'exploding eyeballs,' for some reason.
"No."
"...No?"
Moss didn't know, of course, what had happened a few hours ago. No one knew, since Jim had double-checked the security cameras before and the locator program had been successfully fooled. But it was too late, now. What could they possibly say or do to change the truth?
"When she asks you if you're in love with Captain Kirk tomorrow, you'll tell the truth, won't you Mr Spock?" The lawyer said.
Spock didn't look at all taken aback by the blunt question, but he also didn't look at Jim. "Yes."
"And the truth is that you are in love with him, isn't it?"
Jim wanted to punch the guy for a fleeting, furious moment, and then he wanted to yell at him. What the hell would have happened here if Spock hadn't let Jim see the truth beforehand?
"Hey! What gives you the right—"
"Look, I have no time for—"
"Yes."
Spock's face was still blank but Jim could sense his anger. This had to be humiliating for him; this whole thing was insulting.
"All right. I don't think everything's lost," Moss said with a sigh. He'd only briefly glanced at Jim and taken in the Captain's lack of surprise at Spock's reply in stride, like it was something he'd been expecting (which he probably had).
"Well, Mr Spock is the one who comes across as slightly more sane, at least, and your reputation certainly helps add to that, Commander—"
"Gee, thanks."
"—and we can argue that you're better equipped to separate your feelings from your duties and responsibilities as First Officer... look, I need to work on this myself, now. But I won't lie to you either; this is bad. On levels I hadn't really... I wasn't counting on it getting this bad. Just give me... I need to work out a lot of things. You two stay put in your respective quarters and let me contact a few journalists."
"Journalists? I thought you said no interviews," Jim pointed out. It was all crashing down around their ears, he didn't have time for reporters right now. He wanted to talk to Spock alone and he wanted to find a way out because there would be one, and screw the higher-ups who didn't like him, they needed to put their heads together and plan.
"No interviews, I promise," Moss said placatingly. "But in spite of anything happening inside the courtroom, public opinion has shifted almost exclusively in your favor. I'm told there's even been formal complaints on your behalf from both the Science Station and Main Engineering, and that's just inside our little Starbase. Out there the rest of the Federation is in a state of downright indignation, apparently."
Jim raised his eyebrows; this was what happened when you avoided checking the nets and no one informed them. It was oddly touching.
"To be honest, I don't think this latest development will change that; if anything, it gives your characters an even more tragic angle and the press love those. The Human press, at least," he added with a glance at Spock. "You are heroes, don't forget that."
"Public opinion cannot change a verdict—" Spock started to say, eyes full of skepticism.
"But it's not as useless as you might think. Trust me, we can work with that, too. For now I want you to do as I say and try not to, you know, do anything else that's stupid and makes my job harder. I have plenty of work to do for today as it is."
Jim gave him a curt nod and walked off without another word, not having forgiven the lawyer for just shoving the truth out there into the light like that.
He didn't look back to check Spock was following him, but he knew it was so.
x
In the end they really did go to their separate quarters, but with an agreement to open the connecting door after fifteen minutes.
Jim worked at the wiring while he mulled over the events of today, and couldn't for the life of him come up with any satisfactory conclusions. The flare of disbelieving joy that had exploded so bright and full of promise and maybe even hope still lit him up inside whenever he thought of Spock, still filled him with incredulous happiness, but underlying it lay the creeping fear that it couldn't be allowed, so much goodness for Jim. It couldn't last, it was going to get taken away from him, was already starting to seem like a dream.
He knew being a Captain was what he was. Hell, he'd only been one for little more than a year and it barely felt like he'd gotten to graze the surface; there was potential in him, he knew this too, more of it that he had yet to unleash, more things he wanted to prove, and he knew it would crush him to give it up. He knew Spock wouldn't let him, as he also knew he wouldn't let Spock even consider resigning from Starfleet... they wouldn't be them anymore without their jobs.
But even before realizing that he, James Tiberius Kirk, loved a man he wasn't allowed have, the niggling worry had taken up residence in his psyche that he, James Tiberius Kirk, wouldn't be James Tiberius Kirk without Spock.
So it was a lose-lose-lose on all counts (that extra 'lose' there just because Jim felt it was fitting).
The problem was, see, that he hadn't given up yet. He couldn't give up (although he still had no idea how the hell they'd find a way around this with only his iron determination and give-'em-hell attitude to power through) because, for the last time, screw no-win scenarios, seriously. He didn't believe in them, so yeah, screw their non-existent selves.
He was snapped out of his thoughts when there was an unexpected spark in the wiring and then a thrum, and finally it was done. Because of his previous tinkering with the system this second time had been a bit easier.
He heard the door open and his pulse immediately picked up, throbbing as though his blood had thickened to the consistency of glue in the last point two seconds.
Nothing could happen, nothing was going to happen and dammit he knew that, he honestly did, but the reason why nothing could happen was what made him incapable of controlling his breathing, because the reason was relevant, the reason was, in fact, key here, because Spock wanted. Spock also wanted, he just couldn't.
"Hey, Spock," He tossed casually over his shoulder. It sounded forced, too strained, or maybe too casual; either way it felt fake. "Miss me…?" He trailed off when he turned around and caught sight of his First Officer.
Spock was sitting at his desk wearing a shirt Jim had never seen on him before, probably because it wasn't regulation. It was silky looking and a lighter blue than his uniform and it looked more like a robe; the neck open on a V over Spock's chest that teased the eye with the smooth skin over his collarbones and down to the lean muscle of his chest. It was practically begging Jim to slide the material over Spock's bare shoulders and expose his throat, like opening a present, siren-song of undress me, please, I'm inviting you to.
Jesus, this was bad. He couldn't think, he was getting hard from just looking and, okay, maybe imagining a little, but this was not good. He needed to calm down, to not react quite as excitedly as he was reacting now. What was wrong with him? This wasn't normal, it never happened like this.
"Captain," Spock said as a greeting. He, too, looked tense and strung-taut. Like he was feeling this sudden buzzing of the air just like Jim. Well, at least Jim was only wearing his black undershirt and a pair of comfortable dark-grey sweat-pants (thankfully loose enough to conceal inappropriate reactions for the moment), not some come fuck me satiny nightmare of a thing that would haunt his Captain for many long nights to come, pun totally intended dammit.
"Hey."
He walked over to stand a few feet from the doorway and resolved to stay fucking put and not end up like the last time they'd tried to talk through the invisible door.
"Why are you wearing that?" he blurted, trying not to sound indignant.
Spock raised an eyebrow. "These are the starfleet-issue sleeping garments, Jim."
"… Seriously?"
"Yes. Have you never…" Spock swallowed, Adam's apple bobbing before he continued. "… have you never worn them?"
Oh. Oops.
"Uh… no."
There was a long, excruciatingly awkward silence.
"So what's up... buddy?" Jim said, and cringed. Unfortunately nothing even remotely more intelligent occurred to him, since his head was now basically a litany of swear-words, alternated every now and then with a 'Hot damn.'
Had the universe learnt nothing by this point? You want James T. Kirk not to want to bone his First Officer? Don't hide him behind a great big 'off-limits, trespassers will be shot (survivors will be shot again)' sign. That is a Bad Idea.
"There is a chance we will lose," Spock said, blunt and without preamble.
Instead of quelling the coil of heat running down Jim's spine, Spock's words sent a jolt of urgency through him, a reminder that they were running out of time.
"Yeah, I know." He crossed his arms over his chest and exhaled. "There's gotta be something we can do. Some way of… I don't know. Something."
"Miss Shaw is not unintelligent. She will ask the question."
"It doesn't all revolve around—Moss is good. He can argue back, you heard him. There's plenty of angles we haven't done yet. And hey, public support is always good."
"A victory at this point seems unlikely, Jim."
Spock stood up and walked to stand in front of him, and one of the sleeves of the blue garment was a bit too long for his arm, the tips of tapered pale fingers peeking out from under it, just an endearing detail Jim tried to focus on so he'd stop thinking in 'last night to live' mentality, snap out of this state.
"I'm not giving up," he said firmly. "And I can sense your guilt from here, Spock, cut it out."
Spock looked up at him from under long black lashes. "You cannot deny that this is my fault."
"What's your fault? That the device works? You can't control that, okay? It's… none of this is your fault. If I'd, I don't know, freaked out less when you were gone we wouldn't be here in the first pl—"
"Do not turn this into your own burden to bear," Spock said immediately.
They both looked at each other for a long moment.
"It's not a contest," Jim offered weakly.
"No."
Seconds ticked by and still the nervous scratchy thrum to do something was twisting Jim up inside.
"Look, what's gonna happen tomorrow is gonna happen, but nothing… you'll always be yourself, Spock," he heard himself say, suddenly wanting to make Spock understand so many things in such little time. "You… I can't let you think less of yourself because some machine happens to—you're you. You're not Human and maybe you're not a hundred percent Vulcan either but you're Spock. It makes you unique, okay? And believe me, I get how crap the 'you're a special snowflake' argument is because no one has heard it more than me, but sometimes it's just the truth. You're the guy I… more than… you have to believe me, okay? Whatever happens, you're the one I… the only one…"
He felt his momentum stutter to a stop as the foreign, unfamiliar words crowded and clogged in his throat.
"You're the one I'd choose over everybody else," he said finally, hoarse voice and in a weird sort of rush. He felt like a high-school kid confessing a crush, which was weird because he'd never actually gotten to experience that when he was a teenager. "And if a list of evidence isn't enough for you then I'll find more ways to prove it, but we'll deal with tomorrow when it comes and I don't want you going to sleep feeling guilty for being who you are, because I—I love who you are. Who you are is… amazing to me."
Well. Things really didn't get much more ridiculously sappy than that, so Jim was going to shut up now before his unexpectedly squishy side took over completely.
Spock was staring at him and looking a little dumbfounded. For once, the Vulcan was utterly thrown, and it actually felt pretty good to be the cause of that.
Then, without a word, Spock moved toward the door and stopped right at the edge. He lifted his hand in a strange gesture, not like the ta'al greeting at all; his middle and index fingers were extended and his thumb was folded over the other two fingers.
"Come," he said.
Jim went immediately, also stopping just short of the limit. He copied the gesture thoughtlessly.
"What…?"
"This is a secret," Spock said, and his voice was deep and throaty and sin.
Jim shivered. Spock didn't look awed or even surprised anymore; he looked like he was sharing something he wasn't supposed to, speaking low so they wouldn't be overheard because they really shouldn't be doing this.
"What does it mean?" Jim asked, whispering.
Spock touched the tips of their fingers and a shudder of pleasure rippled through them both.
Jim had felt this before, when their hands touched at other times, but never really wondered what it meant. Touching Spock had always made him feel things he didn't necessarily understand at first.
"What is it?"
The pads of his fingers brushed and caressed and moved down towards Spock's palm, and Spock was breathing unevenly, but his lips twitched in what was almost, almost… the closest Jim had ever seen to a smile.
"A kiss."
x
"Hey, Spock?"
"Yes, Jim?"
"You think you could tone it down a notch?"
Spock's brow furrowed slightly. "Excuse me?"
"You think you could... I don't know, make this a bit easier on me and look slightly less than really, very ridiculously hot? And fuckable? Please?"
He'd intended the completely innapropriate comment to shake Spock out of the mood the Vulcan seemed to be in, but it didn't work for long. Spock managed to transmit to Jim both surprise and incredulity at the words, or at least he did at first, and then he sort of slotted back into the impassive expression that undoubtedly contained a considerable amount of deep inner turmoil. He still seemed much better than yesterday, but the situation was precariously balanced. Everything felt breakable today, somehow.
People were milling about when they entered the courtroom because they were half an hour early, but Uhura and McCoy were already there, as was Moss, sitting at the defense's desk.
"Spock," Uhura gasped when she saw him, and shouldered her way to the pair before throwing her arms around Jim. "Are you okay?"
"Do not concern yourself over me, Nyota."
Jim staggered slightly from the weight before hesitantly patting her on the back. "Uh... not that I don't appreciate this, really, but what the hell?"
"I had a sudden urge to hug him, but I can't. So."
"So you're hugging me by proxy. That's great, I feel so loved."
She laughed against his neck and pulled away, then led them both to stand in a little huddle next to the bench where she and McCoy would be sitting. It was slightly less crowded towards the front rows, since the jury pew and the judge's seat weren't filled yet.
"I'm sorry," she said once the four had settled in a sort of circle. But she was looking at Spock contritely when she apologized.
Jim looked from her downcast eyes to the suspiciously tense set of Spock's jaw and shook his head. "No way did you just apologies to Spock for hugging me," he said, realization dawning. "No way, Uhura!"
"Look, I'm the one who studied what little information on Vulcan culture is available, okay?" She snapped at him. "It's idiotic and neanderthal-esque but I already told you it was a bad idea for me to touch you."
"Then don't hug me!"
"I couldn't hug Spock, come on!"
"Did you have to hug—wait, what am I saying, this is all Spock's fault—"
Jim rounded on Spock, but Spock was looking at Uhura.
"You told the Captain?"
"Hey, don't blame this on her," Jim interjected quickly. "You're the one who went all caveman yesterday morning, we've established that that wasn't cool." It was hot, but not, you know, appropriate. "And for your information she didn't tell me anything—"
"Don't defend my honour, Kirk, I can take care of myself—"
"I apologized repeatedly."
"Yes, but I still want to remind everyone here present it is not okay to get mad just because I sometimes get groped by random members of my crew—"
"People touch you all the time, Kirk, I think Spock just—"
"Will all of you shut up?"
Ironically, it was McCoy's loud drawl that drew more glances from the surrounding officers than the other three's frantic discussion had.
"Thank you. Now, someone explain to me what the hell's going on?"
The doctor was glaring at them.
Jim made a conscious effort to lower his voice. "Spock apparently doesn't like it when people touch me," he said.
McCoy stared at him for a very long moment.
"...That's it?"
Jim started. "What?"
"That's not news to me, kid."
"Don't call me kid, old ma—what do you mean that's not news to you?"
"I do your medical check-ups, remember? You've never thought it was weird that lately he kept happening to show up to take you away right in the middle?"
"I ask him to do that. I hate medical check-ups."
"Oh. Well, he was still smug about it. I could tell. And since when are you perceptive enough to realize...?"
McCoy's gaze travelled to Spock, who was being very quiet. Then it skidded back to Jim.
Then back to Spock.
Then back to Jim.
Then back to Spock.
Then... back to Jim.
"Something's different," he said. "What have you... what's happened?"
Jim felt himself flushing a little, and this stupid, inappropriate, completely irrational grin kept tugging at the corner of his mouth.
He and Spock both looked pointedly away from each other and Uhura took a step back.
"Oh my God..."
"Don't say it—"
"Oh my God did you finally—"
"Be quiet, Lieutenant!"
"Oh my—shit. You could not have timed this any worse."
Jim rubbed the back of his neck and looked up at her with a grimace. "You think?"
Uhura smiled and looked like she was considering hugging him again, but a quick glance at Spock had her stepping back. Jim rolled his eyes at his first officer.
"You are quite free to touch the Captain, Lieutenant," Spock said formally. But something about the way he said it wasn't inviting at all, and Uhura could obviously tell because she snorted and shook her head.
"She doesn't need your permission, Spock, everyone's completely missing the point—"
"Jim...?"
This was McCoy. Jim turned to look at his best friend, unsure as to what he expected to find in his face.
"Yeah."
"You okay?"
Jim gulped. "Uh... you're kinda putting me on the spot here, Bones."
"But what're you gonna do?" The doctor looked worried in his own gruff way, and to Jim's relief... he really did just look worried, nothing else, no dissapointment or mistrust, just genuine concern on Jim's behalf. It was kind of nice.
"We heard rumours about the Veritas device...?" Uhura said, also with a worried look, but hers was directed at Spock. "That it worked for you. That they're gonna use it. Everyone's talking, all over the base it's like you two are the only topic of—is it true?"
Jim heaved a helpless breath but it was Spock who answered.
"Yes. It is true. I am susceptible to—"
"Hey."
The Vulcan briefly met Jim's stern gaze and amended; "My scans were conclusive. It works on my replies."
When he looked back at them Jim noted both McCoy and Uhura had weirdly similar expressions. And the expressions were suspiciously amused.
"What?" he said, slightly defensive.
McCoy coughed. It was one of those really bad fake ones.
"So you two are definitely, uh—" Jim immediately made an abortive motion with his hand, but it only served to make the doctor smile wider. "Sorry, right. It's just that you're acting exactly the same as before... I'll have to postpone the teasing, then?"
"Yes you'll have to postpone the teasing." When McCoy's expression threatened to turn solemn instead Jim immediately raised a hand in protest. "You'll have to postpone any sort of reaction whatsoever until we've resolved all of this, okay? Also, someone's trying to kill us. We're busy."
"Well, apparently not so busy that you can't—"
"Captain Kirk! Commander Spock!"
Jim spun around and caught Mr Moss' eye. The lawyer was on his feet and calling them over.
"Right. We should be..."
"Yeah."
Before Jim could take off, however, he found his hand gripped by Uhura's, who dismissively waved Spock on. "He's right behind you, give us a moment."
Spock nodded and kept walking, and Uhura rounded on Jim with a vehemence that made McCoy silently slip away to find his seat. Traitor.
"What's up, Lieu—"
"The thing with the not liking people who touch you, he can't help that, among other stuff which I'm sure he'll explain properly once you get a chance and some time to talk," she said quickly, and so low that Jim had to strain to catch it all. It was probably the exact volume so that Spock didn't overhear. "Obviously since he can't control it he doesn't like it, so cut him some slack. It's instinctive, draws back to the pre-Surakian societies when bondmates were chosen through bloodshed and sacrifice."
"Whoa, Uhura, what the hell do you think—"
"Don't act dumb with me," she whispered, pulling him toward her. Her eyes were huge and earnest up close. "Don't try to make light of... I've been watching you both for a while now, and it doesn't take anywhere near my level of intellect to figure out how deep this thing of yours goes. For both of you."
At the word 'both' her fingers tightened almost imperceptively.
"Do you think I'd be wary of him without good reason? I mean, I'm not scared, but I'm not stupid, Kirk. Logic really does go only so far, and you understand what this means, right? He was with me for months and you never noticed anything like this because he never..." her expression clouded and Jim felt it tug at his gut. It was subtle but it was there; an echo of pain she hadn't been able to cut off in time, not quickly enough for her well-trained Captain to miss it. "Anyway, you know what this means, don't forget it."
Yes, Jim knew what that meant. It wasn't hard to connect the dots, and in this case there were only three. Dots.
Number one were Spock's words, hell, his feelings during the mind-meld. Number two was his strange inability to rein things in with his usual ease if they were about Jim. And number three, well...
Bondmates, Uhura had said.
Jim hadn't studied the culture like she had, but he'd heard things. Vulcan culture was secretive, closed-off and even now (or perhaps especially now) Vulcans remained tight-lipped about their customs. But Jim had heard of bondmates, of course he had. It was another big word. Nine letters.
Overwhelming had twelve.
"Captain?"
"Yeah. Sorry. It's just that... everything's happening at once," he said.
"Hey. You don't get to complain about this," Uhura snapped, suddenly almost angry, and there was no trace of that pain from before but Jim knew it must be lurking under her sharp words. "Don't you dare complain about this, Kirk, this is a good thing, an amazing thing, and you're the bastard lucky enough to—"
"I know! I'd never... I know."
"Good."
She stepped away from him and looked around. People were starting to take their seats.
"Okay. You can go now."
Jim offered her a tentative smile. "I... thanks. I think."
She smiled back at him. "Hurt him and I'll maim you."
"I ever hurt him and I'll do it myself. But you should feel free to help out. Get creative."
"I will, believe me."
"And that's why I like you, Lieutenant."
He waved goodbye and joined Spock and Moss at the table. Areel was already on the opposite one, pouring over her PADD while her two assistants argued next to her.
"Did Lieutenant Uhura...?"
"It's not important. You okay?"
Spock looked like his usual self, which honestly didn't tell Jim much.
"Do not concern—"
"Hey. Don't," he said gently. "We'll figure it out, okay? We'll be all right."
"You insist on disregarding all probable scenarios, Captain," Spock murmured. It sounded oddly fond, like he was calling Jim out on an endearing quirk.
"Hey, I never claimed to be entirely sane."
"Stop talking, both of you," Moss hissed out of the corner of his mouth. "Face forward. Look heroic."
"I always look—"
"And shut up."
Fifteen long, silent minutes later, Commodore Emerett entered the room followed by the twelve members of the jury, every single one of which gave Jim and Spock a quick glance before sitting down.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I ask that all communicators and electronic devices be turned off and, as we all know, no recording equipment save the official log is allowed in this courtroom."
It was the same spiel he said every single time, but several people still had to bustle around for their comms and turn them off.
"This court is now in session."
He clanged the gavel and then looked at Areel.
"Miss Shaw, you may resume your questioning of the defendant Spock, who I now call to the stand."
"Thank you, your honour."
It occurred to Jim that no one ever said Spock's full name because it was impossible to pronounce, at least for Humans, yet the Veritas device had been able to.
Spock stood up and walked over to the stand, climbed the two steps and took his seat.
"Due to a recent development, Commander Spock's answers will from this point on be submitted and monitored for accuracy by the Veritas device. Are you aware and in agreement of this change, Commander?"
"I am, sir."
"Then you may proceed, Miss Shaw."
Areel walked over to stand in front of Spock with her body tilted non-too-subtly towards the jury.
"Good morning, Mr Spock." She didn't wait for an answer before continuing, which was probably for the best because all Spock had done was blink. "Yesterday we discussed a few of the many, many cases on the evidence list, but today I'd like to help the jury understand how a seemingly perfectly logical man such as yourself came to be in this position."
Spock raised a sceptical eyebrow but other than that gave no sign of acknowledgement.
"Forgive me, Commander, as I am aware of the fact that this is not a comfortable question by any means, and especially in your culture, but… it seems I have no choice." Her eyes glowed with regret. Jim grit his teeth. "Nineteen months ago, the terrorist Nero destroyed planet Vulcan and while captaining the USS Enterprise you experienced… understand that I am making this point in order to prove that it is possible, you experienced an emotional outburst, correct?"
The details of what had happened on that bridge and the reasons behind Spock relinquishing command had never been released.
"I removed myself from command," Spock said. His expression had gone positively mask-like.
"Correct," said the Veritas device.
"Yes, but for what reason?" Areel pressed.
"A personal reason, Miss Shaw."
"Correct."
"Forgive me, Commander, but emotional compromise ceases to be a personal reason when it is impeding your ability to command, and it was logged in the official ship's registry as the cause for your—"
"Emotional compromise is not automatically equivalent to an emotional outburst," Spock interrupted. He sounded vaguely patronising, and it worked.
"Correct."
"I suppose not. But this does mean that you cannot deny the fact that, despite your father's cultural heritage, it is possible for you to become emotionally compromised."
"I cannot deny it."
"Correct."
"Yet you deny being emotionally compromised by your Captain and failing to recognise it?"
"Yes."
"Correct."
"You believe that the evidence is somehow faulty and that your full potential as a Starfleet officer is currently being realized under Captain Kirk's command, and would not benefit from a transfer to another starship?"
"Yes."
"Correct."
"Why don't want to be transferred to another starship, Commander?"
Uh oh. Areel looked determined now, and she was on a roll.
"I have accustomed myself to the working environment and the crew of the Enterprise."
"Correct."
"And that's the only reason, is it?"
Spock paused almost imperceptively before answering. "No."
"Correct."
"Is it to do with Captain Kirk?"
"Captain Kirk is certainly a factor. His an intelligent and talented commanding officer, as well as my friend."
"Correct."
"I see. So you would qualify your relationship as purely platonic friendship, is that it?"
"It has been a platonic friendship for the past eighteen months."
"Correct."
"And you regard your Captain as merely a friend, with no romantic interest whatsoever in the man?"
Spock was indescipherable in that second before he answered.
"...No."
"Correct."
The silence in the courtroom thickened and crackled at that. Jim had the irrational thought that if he listened really closely he could hear the collective indrawn breath.
"No?"
The members of the jury were now regarding Spock with open curiosity, and Jim couldn't risk turning around but he knew the crowd would be staring raptly as well.
He braced himself for what was coming.
"Commander Spock..." Areel paused delicately, then folded her hands behind her back. "Are you in love with Captain Kirk?"
"Objection! This again?" Moss said, jumping to his feet.
Commodore Emerett banged the gavel as Areel rounded on the lawyer.
"He just said his regard for the Captain—"
"Silence!" Emerett called. "Objection overruled, Mr Moss, the question is a relevant follow-up."
"Commander Spock's emotions are not relevant when they don't pertain to the charges—"
"Except that they do. I'm sorry, counsel, but I'm allowing it."
Moss sat back down reluctantly and Areel turned back to Spock.
"Commander Spock, are you in love with Captain Kirk?"
Spock looked at her evenly.
"This question does not mean the same to me as it does to you because you are Human, and I am not," he said.
"Correct."
"Excuse me?"
"The concept you are predicating my answer upon is not aknowledged in my culture because it does not exist."
"Correct."
Areel raised her eyebrows. "Are you telling me that the concept of 'love' doesn't exist in your culture, Mr Spock?"
"'Being in love' has Human connotations, Miss Shaw."
"Correct."
"I'm sorry, but—"
"Please allow me to explain. Just as an Orion would not attatch the same meaning to the word 'love' as a Human, neither would a Vulcan. And in the case of 'being in love' there is no equivalent meaning."
"Correct."
Areel was silent for a long moment and Jim felt an irrational flare of hope in his chest that Spock had done it, he'd managed to get around it because he was just that smart and awesome.
But Areel was smart, too.
"Very well then. I apologise if my question was badly phrased and especially if I unknowingly insulted you in any way, Commander, I don't mean any disrespect."
Spock gave her a nod.
"However, you said you regard your Captain as something other than just a friend. Do you deny the nature of this regard as being romantic?"
"...No."
"Correct."
A frenzy of muttering and whispers broke out at that, and Emerett had to ask for silence yet again.
"So you do feel something for James Kirk that goes beyond friendship."
"Yes."
"Correct."
"And... again, forgive me, but you said 'being in love' isn't really a concept in Vulcan culture, but love is, it just has different connotations. Is there anything that will help us understand what, exactly, you feel for Captain Kirk?"
"Objection! This is completely unnecessary," Moss protested loudly.
"Overruled, Mr Moss," Emerett said, without taking his eyes off of Spock. "Answer the question, Commander."
"Please clarify your question," Spock said.
"Well, what do you call liking Captain Kirk romantically, if not being in love with him?"
"Objection! This is—"
"Overruled, Mr Moss."
Spock's eyes flickered to Jim, who had absolutely no idea what his expression must look like.
"Pardon me, but I would appreciate further clarification—"
"Do you love him, Commander," Areel said flatly, like a statement instead of an actual question. "If you won't answer to being in love with him, then answer to loving him not just as a friend or as a brother but as one does a partner and a lover."
Jim felt a fist wrap around his windpipe and squeeze, as though his emotions had become this tangible, physical thing. Spock looked like Spock, which was composed and polite and meticulously put-together, but Jim knew better than that.
And the Vulcan couldn't lie. There was no escaping this truth.
"Yes," Spock said finally. "Yes, I love him."
"Correct."
And then the room erupted into motion, and people weren't even making the effort to whisper, and it was loud and chaotic and scandalised, the jury members were muttering among themselves, someone had actually gasped aloud, Emerett could be heard ordering peace and quiet and failing rather pathetically, Areel looked triumphant and in the middle of it all Spock sat there quietly, still composed and polite and meticulously put-together...
But at that moment it felt like they'd already lost.
x
"Jim?"
"Just a second!"
Exactly one second later, the door to Jim's quarters swished open. Jim whirled around.
"Hey! What part of 'just a second' sounded like 'please come in right now' to you?"
Spock stared at him for a very long moment. "You said to wait one second. I waited one second."
Jim was wearing nothing but boxer-briefs.
For once, though, Spock looked unperturbed by the sight. He merely walked inside and sat down neatly on Jim's desk chair.
"We must consider the very likely probability that we are going to lose, Jim," he said tonelessly. The door had shut behind him and they shouldn't be alone in the room, so Jim winced and quickly walked around Spock over to his computer terminal, tossing the clothes he'd been about to put on in favour of getting this done as soon as possible. It would be a bit trickier but he needed to hack into the location program from here.
"Hey, I'm not giving up. There's still closing arguments, and Moss is good, and we're famous heroes, remember?"
"They believe lives are at stake," Spock replied, still in that tone. "If lives are at stake, fame is of little importance."
He paused thoughtfully, then looked up at Jim.
"We never discussed whether they might be right."
The words were designed to sting like a punch but Jim knew better. Spock was hurting right now, and maybe spoiling for a fight. He might really think they would lose, but he'd never doubt that they were meant to work together.
"We never discussed it because there's never been any doubt, Spock. You can't believe it. You don't."
Spock was in pain, and it was up to Jim to change that. No matter how desperate things might seem right now. No matter how badly Jim wanted reassurance for himself.
After a beat of silence came Spock's curious voice. "What are you doing?"
"You forgot we're not allowed to be alone together in my room. Thank God there's no video feed or we'd be in some seriously deep shit by now."
Jim motioned vaguely at his state of undress and felt Spock's eyes take it in, as though he'd only just noticed.
"...Oh."
"Yeah. So I'm doing a little hacking."
Suddenly he felt Spock lean in behind him, the heat emmanating from his body warming Jim's back like a furnace and forcing him to become hyper-aware of their relative positions.
"Perhaps I may be of assistance."
Without the normal pause for granted permission, Spock's arm came around Jim's shoulders to reach the tactile screen, which almost made the latter jump in surprise.
"Yeah, go ahead."
His long fingers seemed to move with forced deliberation, and Jim had the strange thought that Spock had begun the gesture unconsciously, realised mid-way that it was amazingly unlike him to allow so much contact, and then decided he might as well finish it because of the unwritten rule somwhere about Vulcans not being allowed to hesitate.
After a few quick commands and two failed password-protection encriptions they had done it.
"See?" Jim said gently, cocking his head. "We make a great team."
Spock pulled away immediately and marched over to the other end of the (admittedly pretty small) room, to sit at the edge of Jim's bed.
"That may be so. We will still be separated for the rest of our—"
"Don't. It's not... we can't think like that now, Spock."
"Tomorrow might be our last day working together. If we are assigned different starships the odds of seeing each other more than once every two point five years are zero point—"
"I don't care about odds," Jim said fiercely. "I don't care, Spock, we'll find a way out of this. Nothing's been lost yet."
"Be realistic, Jim."
"They can't," he cried, angry and exhasperated and resolute. "They won't. I'll stop them if I have to, I promise, but I won't let them do this."
But the feeling was back. The feeling from last night, the 'last chance' thrum of nerves, the 'now or never' instinct calling out for him to do something about Spock sitting in his bed, to turn it into Spock lying in his bed—
"There is nothing you can do," his first officer said gently.
Jim belatedly realized that he was literally seconds away from mauling Spock, and took a cautious step back just in case that would help even a little bit.
It did not.
"Look, maybe you should go," he heard himself say, and blindly reached for his discarded clothes.
Spock blinked up at him from Jim's bed but he didn't move from Jim's bed, where Jim slept and now Spock was sitting like he was used to inhabiting a space in Jim's bed.
The bed. That currently belonged to Jim.
"You should go, Spock," he repeated, stepping into his pants. He wasn't sure why he was getting dressed since it was late at night, Spock was hopefully leaving and he'd been about to go to bed (the bed that Spock was currently sitting on), but it felt like something to do.
"This may be the last night I spend near you."
Jim froze.
"What?" He whispered, as though he might have misheard.
"I do not wish to waste this time sleeping."
"Then what..." he sounded like he had a sore throat. "What do you...? I mean, obviously we can talk if you—"
Spock quirked an eyebrow. He looked entertained.
"Of course." He stood up. "Of course I would spend time talking to you if that was what you wanted."
Last chance, last night, last time, last moment, last moment, Kirk...!
"I..." Jim licked his lips. Spock just looked at him, almost expectant. "It's not over, though," he protested. "I won't let them win."
It sounded like a lie.
"But you will let me stay with you? This night?"
"Let you...?" Jim wanted to scoff or maybe roll his eyes. "You have no idea."
Something dark and dangerous lurked behind Spock's gaze when he stepped forward and curled his fingers around Jim's wrist.
"I have some idea, Captain."
Jim drew in a shaky, hot breath. "Hey. Just so we're clear, this isn't me conceding defeat, okay? We'll win. I still believe that."
"I trust you," Spock said. His eyes flashed in the dim light. "I trust you and an illogical part of me believes you when you declare an impossible victory over seemingly insurmountable odds because it is you who orders it so, and it would not be the first time you have achieved something like this. But I know that I may lose you and it is the cruelest thing I can imagine. Losing you."
He was really very close.
"Is that why you keep grabbing me?" Jim breathed, tugging feebly at Spock's grip. And he heard the rustle of cloth before he realised he'd dropped his shirt to the floor.
"Yes."
Long fingers tightened around his wrist.
Sooooooooo I must make another announcement! (today is a day of ANNOUNCING)
I FINALLY GOT LJ! HUZZAH!
Http afattribble dot lj dot com! (the link is on my profile :)
It was a totally spur-of-the-moment thing after having been on the fence about it for months but I'm really excited! I'm not leaving ffnet by any means but it should be fun to post excerpts (with the appropriate spoiler warnings, of course!), updates on my progress, fannish discussions, notes on other fandoms, etcetera! :D I hope to see you there!
Anyway, I debated for a while on adding this final comment because it could be considered vaguely spoilery, but I'd also like for there to be no huge surprises and many people have asked for a "warning" like this, SO. The next chapter? Um, I'd recommend y'all take a look at the rating of this fic again, okay? :3
That's all I'm sayin' *grin*