The Great Escape
The suffering that you go through always seems bigger than what it really is. Amma would always say that the Good Lord won't give you something that he knows you cannot withstand. But of course she would add, 'so don't be judging what someone is carrying.' Looking at the man standing before us, I can't help but imagine what Thomas Easton had to go through all these years. Isolation for all these years, knowing full well that people that he loved has already died.
His head hangs low as he walks towards the only chair in the room. Sitting down he continues to look at his feet. You can tell the years have passed by and the tired look is so self-evident that we can even feel it, if that is even possible.
He turns his boots to one side and can see the scratches on the side. He begins to count them slowly.
"I lost count," he says lowly. "After a couple of years, last count was six, but my bones…tell me it has been longer."
Taking a step forward he flinches at the sound. It is as if the complete and total silence is normal and anything above it is enough to cause pain. After a second he begins to rub his hands as if he is cold. He starts to mutter something that we can barely hear.
Lena leans in a little bit closer before my hand stops her. There is something about being stuck in isolation this long that can break a regular human mind.
"I didn't ask for this," I can now hear Thomas say over and over. It is true of a lot of things that we never ask for the struggles in our lives. We either welcome it or we struggle to understand it, but we can never shy away from it.
It's okay
L. I don't think he is okay
She walks around my arm and then kneels right in front of him. Lifting very slowly her hands he flinches and covers his face, lifting his knees up in a fetal position. Lena doesn't move back but instead places her hands on Thomas's hand and moves them down whispering something. He finally moves his hand down and let Lena place her hands on his head. It reminds me of the first night I came back from the Otherworld.
My eyes close and I can still hear the rain hit on the window. I couldn't stop shaking; I couldn't stop thinking, the emotions where just running on high and I felt if I fell asleep that I would wake up in the Other World again. Her touch in the beginning startled me.
"Hey, hey," I hear her in my ear. My eyes swing wild, and as I look around I see the shadows have deeply enveloped the room. Where was I? Who is that in the shadows? I can feel the coolness of the room, and hear the tap, tap, tap of the rain drops.
"Ethan," her voice whispered through the air. "It is okay. You are okay. You are safe."
It is a trick, I don't remember getting here, all I remember…all I see, is darkness.
"Lena?" I say out to the dark shadow. Her hands are still up as she walks over to me coming into the moon light. The silver color on her skin is makes it seem like she is a ghost, like she isn't really there. My hand touches her arm and as I go around touching it, I don't feel the current. A tear begins to work its way down my cheek. I shouldn't be able to touch her; it isn't the way the world works. The only way this could be possible is if…
"It isn't real," I say. It is impossible for me to touch her. It was something that her Uncle had told me. Casters and humans cannot touch without consequence. "It is all a lie, this isn't real, and it didn't happen, I am still not with you."
Her hands grab my face.
"Ssssh," she says. "Close your eyes."
Closing my eyes, I can feel her hand, turn from cool to warm in a couple of seconds. Moving her hands over to my hair, she leans in and begins to whisper words that I cannot understand. The echo of her voice seemed to penetrate my fears, cut away the terror and the doubt.
'Memoriam fregit, et dolore magnam aliquam eget, euismod confusior, praeterita oblitus, placare tenebris lucem adducere, dissolves umbras et excitari pectore pax.'
It was what helped me, it was what finally let me realize that is was true, and that she was there. I had to ask her what it meant and even the loose translation brought a smile to my face.
'Memories broken, memories painful, memories jumbled, the past forgotten. Calm the darkness, clear up the shadows, peace to your heart, and be awakened.'
Seeing the change in Thomas's demeanor is nothing short but a miracle. He looks calm, his eyes that were this wild look, is now relaxed and focused.
"I am so sorry," Thomas says. "There are things that you simply cannot fix, but thank you for trying."
Lena stands up and as I come closer to them, his eyes focus on mines.
"As much as it pains me," he continues. "You are the only people that have come. As you can see, there is no doors, no windows, no holes, no anything to get out."
We look around and see what Thomas says to be true, the chair is the only thing that we see, even the walls look like there are no corners just smooth walls that wrap all the way around. It begs the question though.
"How did you get in?" Lena asks more than likely hearing my thoughts.
"That is the thing, I had seen this man in the field where we fought the rebels," Thomas begins only to stop at the memory of the horror.
Lena places her hand on his arm, trying to comfort him.
"It is okay," she says. "We saw it."
"Did you see him?" Thomas asks.
I nod my head no. Lena grabs his hands and says no.
"He took me here, and after that one day, I never saw him again," Thomas says. "All because of this stupid thing…"
He digs into his pocket and when he takes it out, he has a shiny brass compass. It is the same one that I saw in the vision. He holds it with such contempt, such hatred, that if we are not careful, he might just smash it on the ground.
'You have everything you need.'
The words echo in my head. Sullah's handkerchief when we met with Larry helped guide us in the right direction, I think that even the silver case the Lena took was probably easily given by Macon.
I grab the bag from Lena and opening it, I see the pouch of the compass. Taking it in my hand I take it out and for the first time, looking at it, I find the same feelings of contempt towards something so selfish. Love truly does make you do things without consequence of others.
Thomas's eyes meet mines, and the way he looks at me, he knows what I am thinking.
"It seems like we have the same problem," he says sticking out the compass in his hand and I stick out mines with the pouch. There is a weird electrical charge that I can feel coming from the space in between both items, almost like a magnet, pulling it towards it each other.
Without any notice both items combine into each other and instead of falling to the ground it just stands there floating. What the hell is going on? My first instinct is to walk back, but instead my hand reaches and grabs both items, causing all that electrical current to run through my body. The sensation is all new, and nothing like I have felt before.
"You okay," Lena says grabbing my shoulder. It is then that the wind starts to come and without any notice someone appears in front of us. He stands there and immediately Thomas grabs the chair and is about to hit him with it, when the man lifts his hand and it disappears.
"Now," he says with a flat tone. "Is this really necessary?"
Thomas falls to the floor unsure of what just happened and begins to backtrack on the ground as if frightened. The man doesn't exactly strike us as someone dangerous, but there is something about him that tells us to proceed with caution. He looks over to his arm and dabbing what I can only imagine is dust he looks up at us.
"Yes and then no," he says flatly.
"Yes and no?" Lena says.
He smiles when he looks to Lena.
"Yes to the question is this really happening that Mr. Wake just thought of," he says. "And no to your question, of if I am here to cause you harm."
We look at him unsure if he can actually read our thoughts like the guy we met in the church in the middle of the field. It does stand to reason that it would be the same thing. He smiles at me, and it isn't that it is uncomfortable; oddly enough it feels familiar, as if I had seen him somewhere, but that is impossible.
"Hmm, interesting," he says looking at me. "Seems as if someone has caused you to forget, create holes in your memories. Curious, never really been surprised before, so this is a new experience for me, thank you."
Lena walks around him and goes to Thomas who has been cowering as if frightened. She tries to calm him, and yet it seems from here that she can't. The man doesn't take his eyes off of me.
"Don't worry about Thomas, his job is done," he says looking over to Thomas who is still not been able to take his hands from his face. "As soon as he leaves this place, he will be reunited with precious Jean-Bene. What was it that you called her, your wild flower?"
The words, it is that word that causes Thomas to finally come back, to stop rocking back and forth, back and forth. His hands come down from his face and the look in his eyes, it is as if he is remembering a dream that he long forgotten.
"Wild...flower," Thomas's words come out slowly as if trying to remember how to say them. He finally looks up to the man who had probably just given him something to long for, something to remember.
"You promised," Thomas says looking at the man. "You said, all I had to do was wait, until what was two was now one, and that has happened. Now...please...let...me...go."
The man smiles and looking at him, he turns and looks at me.
"I have," he says. "All you have to do is get out."
His hands bang on the floor. He looks around and then back to the man.
"Where," he shouts at him. "I have been looking and looking and looking. There is no way out."
He looks back at me.
"There is," he says. "It was a pleasure meeting you again Ethan, hopefully we can continue the conversation where this all started."
In that moment, he just disappears, like the others did, in a blink of an eye, he is gone. It is only a second before Thomas starts to scream and thrash. Lena tries to calm him, but it seems nearly impossible now.
I got it L.
She looks back at me and then at Thomas unsure if I could do anything. In fact I know exactly what he is going through and what he is feeling. I can feel it in the pit of my stomach, the loneliness the despair.
"It is like they are ripping it out of you," I blurt out.
This stops the screaming. The darkness begins to creep in, all those moments; I can feel it still there deep trying to get out. I kept it hidden, deep inside so I couldn't find it, and now the only way to help this poor man is to let out, the things that I have been holding back.
Ethan
"All the small moments that you hold dear," I continue trying to hold myself together. "Every memory, being torn away, at first you try and fight it, try to trick your mind by reminding yourself the day it was. Or the way she smelled, or even what was playing on the radio...well probably not you since, well you don't know what a radio is...first time you saw her..."
The tears begin to be too much. Lifting my head to what I can only hope is the ceiling.
"The worst part of it all," I struggle through it, letting the tears begin to fall. Everything has gone silent and I know that truly the whole thing is enough to get the attention of everyone in this world and in the in-between.
"...is that you are powerless to stop it," Thomas finishes one of my greatest fears. It isn't so much dying that was the worst thing, but it was spending eternity forgetting everything that you struggle to keep. He stands up and then walks over to me.
"Wild flower is it?" I ask. "Well mines is standing over there. I was dead, but I promised myself that I would go back for her. I will help you get back to yours, but I need your help."
He looks back to Lena who has now crossed her arms unsure of what to do with what I just said. I didn't want her to know, the depths of my suffering. The things that I had to endure, it seems that not even Lena knew how hard it was those alone moments. My eyes reach for hers, but they are lost in pain, in the same pain that I felt.
I walk over to Lena who I can't help but to love and to want to take care of. She still has my jacket on and from this distance I don't know if she is upset or not.
L.
Why…
Why what?
Why didn't you tell me?
I open my arms, and she doesn't hesitate to bury herself in them. I wanted to, but I didn't want to burden her with it. It was my choice to give her up, but I didn't know that by doing that, that I would be giving up my life, my memories, my past with her. If I hadn't left the Other World, I would have forgotten everything about her, and all that would be left are just fragments, like a book with…rip…pages…
I let her go quickly and look around for it. To the left and I see nothing, then to the right.
"There," I say out loud running to grab it. Opening the bag I search for it. I know that I didn't take it out. It is there as I take it out I can feel things begin to change in the room.
Lena is right next to me when she realizes the notebook that Amma had sent me. Opening the book, what I once thought was weird that it only had one sentence there was actually filled with words. Flipping through the pages they are filled with writings, and pictures that were probably sketched. Handing it to Lena she begins to smile at all the different people who have written things inside the book.
"Dearest Ethan,
If you are able to read this, then it means that you have found the compass and currently inside the holding room. First off let me say how proud I am of you, I know that things have not been easy. Your mother tells me this and I know that she has tried to comfort you the best she could.
Now don't you go and fretting, because if you did as you are told then you would have this book with you inside the room. All the writings inside this book are memories of your life on the Other Side. As soon as you close the book they will be transferred from the pages of this book to your mind.
The compass will tell you where to go, and it will guide you when you have doubt. Remember that things always happen for a reason and sometimes we have to go by faith in order to understand it.
Amma"
I feel a hand on my shoulder tugging at me. Looking back I see that Thomas has tears in his eyes and a smile so wide that I can help but to smile with him. Looking over to what he is looking at, I see a small sliver of light coming from what I think is a wall.
Thomas walks over to the space and looks around it. It would be the same thing, with the Lunae Libri and the disappearing door. The only thing that it seems too easy, the book comes out of the bag and then a place to put it just suddenly appears.
"What's wrong?" Lena says.
"I don't know, it just..." I say trying to understand the word. "Just doesn't feel right..."
Lena looks around.
"Ethan there is no other way," she says. "Probably you are just over thinking it."
She hands me the book. I don't know why.
You trust me?
She looks at me, putting one hand on my cheek she nods. Grabbing her hand I kiss it gently and know what I must do.
Taking the compass in my hand I open it and look at the dial spin and spin and spin with no stopping. Closing my eyes I think of the way out, trying to remove all doubt. I keep on repeating over and over in my mind, to just trust myself, but it isn't working, there is just too much riding on this to fail.
What if I fail?
I hear the words come to my mind before I can feel her hand in mines. The thoughts just start to dissolve and there in its place I can feel the warmth of her embrace, the absolute delight of her smile. What a wonderful feeling.
"Ethan," I hear her voice in my mind. "Open your eyes."
Opening my eyes, I see the compass's needle had stopped spinning and is now pointing to a place where there is nothing. Closing the book, the images all flash into my mind, the memories that were erased, or forgotten, every image, every conversation I had with my mother on the Other World has been brought back, as clear as if it was yesterday.
I can feel her, like it was yesterday, can remember the words she said to me. Taking the book in my hand, I slide it into the space that I see in front of me. The book hangs there in space, floating, until I start to slide it back into its place, and it begins to disappear.
Once gone, the small crack that was in the other side of the room disappears and a door opens right in front of us. The shinning bright light is enough of a sign to us that it is time to leave this awful prison.