Twenty
Almost thought we made it home
But we don't know this place at all
Obi Wan Kenobi and Bail Organa returned by noon, deciding it was time for lunch. They arrived to find Anakin in the corner of the room, clutching a leather journal to his chest and looking like he was in a distant land. Maybe a part of him was.
"Will you join us for lunch?" Obi Wan asked him.
Anakin stood up to his feet, glancing at Bail and Leia. "No," he said briefly, before swinging the front door open and vacating the room.
Bail gave Obi Wan an alarmed look.
The Jedi rose from his seat, filling a bowl with stew. "Excuse me," he told Bail, leaving the room as well and following Anakin.
"Hey," Obi Wan said, placing the bowl in front of Anakin.
"Hey," he echoed back, not meeting the older man's eyes.
Anakin stared intently at a passing speeder, seemingly aiming toward the city. But that's where his eyes met. Not his mind.
"I can't, Obi Wan." He said, not looking his friend's way.
The man's sandy hair blew gently in the hot wind. "I know. That's alright."
"How long are they staying?"
Obi Wan wasn't sure how to take the question. It sounded anxious but not necessarily hopeful that answer would be soon. Regardless of how much it hurt, Anakin truly didn't want Leia to go back to Alderaan. He longed to love the child and watching her from afar was better than nothing.
"I don't know yet." Obi Wan told him, meeting a pair of icy eyes. "Anakin, I know this is hard, but would you at least listen to my advice?"
Anakin brought a spoon to his lips, tasting a sweet broth. He nodded slowly.
"Leia's only going to be here for a little while. Bail doesn't want to stay." he began. "But Leia doesn't want to leave. She loves you. Surely you can see that."
Anakin stared down at the sand that covered his boots.
"What memory do you want her to have of you? You pushing her away? Do you want her to have a bad memory of you?"
The younger man met his eyes, looking defeated. "No," he said softly, covering his face with his hands. "I don't know what to do."
"Your tone, Anakin. When you speak to her, don't talk so harsh. Maybe even give in and play with her. I know it will be hard on you, but you have to understand that this isn't all about you."
Anakin almost shot back at Obi Wan's comment, feeling attacked. But when he thought about it, he heard Obi Wan's gentle tone in his mind and he knew. Obi Wan was right.
He looked at the Jedi with a defeated look. "I'll try."
"That's all I ask. You'll regret it if you don't."
Anakin nodded, looking tired. "Can I still eat alone?" he asked carefully.
"Of course," Obi Wan said, handing Anakin a bottle of water. "Don't hide forever though."
Obi Wan returned to Bail, sitting across from him and next to his daughter.
"Is he alright?" Bail asked, seeming slightly concerned.
The Jedi glanced at the door, nodding slowly. "He is. Alright, that is."
Bail glanced at his daughter looking thoughtful. Then he looked at Obi Wan with a similar look. "What happened to him?" Bail whispered. "Why did he betray the Jedi?"
Obi Wan studied his soup, stirring it slowly. He thought for a moment, trying to find the best way to explain the situation without being too personal on Anakin's behalf. Of course, the situation would run a lot smoother if Bail had all the details. He appeared to be warming up to the idea of Anakin being a part of Leia's life in a slight amount and that gave Obi Wan hope.
"He was promised a way to cheat death."
"He was dying?"
Obi Wan shook his head. "Padme."
Bail frowned, sipping his tea. "So then why did he try to murder her?"
The Jedi shut his eyes sadly. "Anakin didn't realize that his power came with a price. It was a poison to his mind. He couldn't control it. It was all completely senseless."
Bail shook his head. "That doesn't make it right."
"I never said it did."
The two men sat in silence for a moment, watching as the toddler ate. The child had soup dripping down her face and a broad smile upon her lips. They hadn't realized why she was smiling until they followed her gaze. Out the window.
There sat Anakin with his back against a rock, silently sipping bits of his soup. He looked at peace in that instant and it brought a small smile to Obi Wan's face.
"What are you looking at, Leia?"
Leia grinned, pointing at the window.
Both men nodded.
"It's time for your nap, Leia." Bail said finally, picking her up and swinging her over his shoulder. The child pouted at his words but let him carry her regardless.
Obi Wan caught Anakin's gaze watching them from outside. His heart broke for his friend in many places. All he wanted was his happiness.
The Jedi motioned him inside.
Anakin nodded slowly, picking up his belongings and disappearing around the corner. Moments later he walked into the house looking tired and sweaty.
"Hot day?"
Anakin nodded.
"Sit down," Obi Wan said kindly. "I think you and Bail need to discuss some things."
The younger man's face twisted in a look of hurt, due to Obi Wan's clear betrayal. Obi Wan had allowed himself to push Anakin again and he worried he was going too far with it. He just feared what would happen if Anakin took all matters into his own hands.
"Are my pushing you too much?" he asked quietly, meeting Anakin's eyes.
His younger brother swallowed, turning away. "No."
"Obi Wan, I-" Bail froze, seeing the unmasked Vader now sitting at the table. He had been in a similar situation that very morning and still couldn't swallow it well. The man didn't seem to be vicious or sinister in any way, but his face was unnerving. Bail wished Anakin would cover his face with something so he wouldn't have to look at his scars each time they saw each other. The marks on his face were not appealing, in fact, they were enough to take away one's appetite.
How does he not scare Leia?
"Anakin," Bail said in the kindest voice he could muster. However, it was difficult to do so. Padme had been a dear friend of his, and to think this man tried to kill her sent chills all the way down his spine.
"Enough with introductions," Anakin whispered in a shaky voice. "We both know why we have to talk to each other. We both need to know where the other person stands."
Bail nodded. "I think it's fairly obvious. Leia is my daughter and you lost the right to her when you tried to kill her."
Obi Wan winced, knowing how much that had to sting in Anakin's soul. It's okay, he said through the force. I love you. Leia loves you. The light loves you.
"You're right," Anakin said, nearly choking on his words. "I would never ask you to hand her over to me."
Bail nodded, seeing his daughter sleeping in the other room, for the door was still open. "So, what are you asking?"
"What are you willing to give?"
Bail shook his head, biting the inside of his cheek. "You tried to kill her, Anakin. Why should you get anything?"
Obi Wan sighed aloud, letting his head fall. Bail clearly noticed and gave Obi Wan an annoyed look.
"Fair enough," Anakin said simply, rising from his seat and heading out the room. He grabbed something off the counter to take with him.
Once Anakin was out of sight, Obi Wan turned to Bail. "Why would you say that?"
Bail shook his head at Obi Wan. "There was nothing wrong with what I said."
"Can't you be a bit nicer about this?"
"No! I don't think I can." Bail said, standing up. "He doesn't deserve Leia and he's never going to lay a finger on her either. The man deserves death!"
Anakin swallowed slowly as he stood in the back room, pacing back and forth to calm himself. The movement was useless, however, because all he did was think.
But not with real thoughts. Real thoughts would solve the problem inside of him and help him see reason. Right now, all his thoughts seemed to wash out the common sense of the light and replace it with the darkness that gently infatuated him.
The first thought was simple. It didn't hurt anyone. It was simply saying the truth.
You should leave everyone alone, especially your kids.
The second thought was one that Anakin had enough strength to push back.
You should take Leia as your own. It's not like Bail would stand a chance.
Anakin's body tensed at the thought.
And then.
You should just die. You won't have to worry about anything ever again. You won't be in pain. You won't have to deal with your past. It will just be over.
Anakin glanced at the lightsaber of Darth Vader. He had taken it off the counter on his way in. He wasn't even thinking when he did but now he knew why. A sign.
This time Anakin said "yes."
The man deserves death.
The man deserves death.
The man deserves death.
Death.
Death.
It echoed in his mind as if the force was trying to warn him. Anxiety reached Obi Wan's chest and he shot from his seat.
The light side of the force would not try to get you to commit suicide.
And sick because...well I don't know. Maybe because I want to be sick. Maybe because I want to die.
I should be dead! Good people like Padme are dead and I am alive! It's not fair! Nothing is fair! Obi Wan, I can't live! I can't do this!
"Anakin!" Obi Wan yelled approaching the room where Anakin was sitting on the floor wrapped up in a blanket. His eyes didn't meet Obi Wan's when he yelled. All he could see was the scarlet bladed lightsaber that he could activate at any moment. He held it to his chest, letting his fingers dance around the switch.
Obi Wan came up to him, trying to rip the weapon away. "Anakin! Give it to me! Give it up!"
Anakin shook his head viciously, holding the weapon tighter. "No! Get out! Stop it!"
"Anakin," he said softer this time, holding out his hand. "Hand me the weapon. Can we talk about this?"
Anakin shook his head again, falling into a heap on his hands and knees. He held the lightsaber under his body. "It's mine! I can do what I want!"
"Anakin, please think about this. Let us talk about this!"
His fingers trembled as he gripped it, becoming dangerously close to pulling it. "STAND BACK, OBI WAN!" He screamed, panting.
The younger man stood shakily to his feet, backing up the corner of the room. His entire body shook more and more violently with each painful step. He chest felt as cold as ice. He leaned against the wall, letting the numbness take over. It's okay. It will all be over soon.
Anakin held the weapon firmly upon his chest, counting down the seconds until he would pull it.
"Please Anakin...listen to me-"
"I can't! Go away! I just want peace!"
"You aren't going to get it this way."
"What do YOU know?"
Obi Wan walked closer, keeping an open hand outstretched to his friend. "You aren't thinking right now. Don't you remember that list we made? What about Luke and Leia? What about all your friends who would want you to live? What about me?"
Anakin shook his head, staring at Obi Wan bitterly. "It doesn't matter," he whispered. "I can't believe your selfishness!"
Obi Wan's eyes filled with tears at the sight. Anakin was dead serious. "Listen carefully Anakin." he pleaded. "Please think about this first. What about Luke? You can still have Luke!"
"He's better off," Anakin said, squeezing the handle of his saber tighter. "Everyone is."
In a moment, everything seemed to go painfully slow. A horrified shriek erupted from Tatooine's surface as a red blade split through.
Hi.
Lyrics: Fire Fire by Flyleaf.
I'll probably update tomorrow night.
Love ya,
Jenna