Chapter 20

I was sitting in Lima Bean alone. Thad, being the most supportive friend anyone could ever get, left me to solve my problems on my own. I had my book and notes open for my quiz, and an alcohol free latte in my hand. Nothing is going into my head. It's frustrating me to no end.

After about the fifth time I tried to start on my theory, a foursome of teens strutted into the room. Santana pulled out the chair across me.

"Let me break it down to you," she said venomously as the other cheerleader, Kurt and Blaine stood guard glaring at me. "From one bitch to another. All this vicious underhanded crap has got to stop."

"Exactly." I agreed. "That's why I called you here."

I could almost hear my heart trying to beat its way out of my chest. "First of all, Blaine." I looked to my former friend. "I am sorry about your eye."

"That means nothing to me."

"Just give me a chance." I said. "I have no excuses other than some lame prank gone completely out of control.

"Second," I said "The Finn photos have been destroyed. I want the Warblers to win fair and square. And we are going to take donations for Lady Gaga's Born this way Foundation."

I took a breath then looked at Blaine and Kurt. "Win, Lose or Draw. We are gonna dedicate our performance to Dave Karofsky. I thought you might want to join us."

"Wait for the punch." Kurt stage whispered to Blaine. "You know it's coming."

"No. Not this time." I chocked. "For too long, I have treated, everything. Like a big joke."

I couldn't help think of Dave Karofsky lying on his bed. Then think back of what I had said to him.

I looked at Santana in the eye. One of the few skills I am proud of is my ability to read most people. Key word most. Santana reminded me of Darci. She has this bitchy mask that she gives everyone. She doesn't care if her words hurt people. She doesn't have a filter. She tells you what's on her mind. But that doesn't mean she is a bitch. I could tell from how she looks at the blonde cheerleader who looks blankly at me. That she is not as bitchy in private as she is in public.

"It's all fun and games." I said. "Until it's not."

Silence rang between the five of us. Brittany dragged Kurt to buy a cookie or something. Santana didn't want me out of her sight while they were all still in Lima Bean.

"Why?"

I looked at Blaine with a raised eyebrow. "Why what?"

"Why do you suddenly care for Dave Karofsky?"

"Because I've been there." I said. Thad sent me a text.

Am in the Parking Lot, we have one more stop before going back to Dalton.

"I have to go." I said packing up my books and shouldering my satchel. "See you guys at Regionals."

~()~

"Are you sure about this? "

"one way to make amends is your ask for forgiveness. " Thad said "And then you can start to forgive yourself."

"Alright." I sighed. I climbed off the car and into the hospital.

"Excuse me? " the receptionist looked up from the computer screen. "Can I ask what room Dave Karoffsky is in?"

"Sure. " she said typing into the computer. "He's on the third floor room 308"

"Thank you" I said as I found my way to the third floor.

Nervously I knocked on the door. And opened it peaking inside. Dave Karoffsky was lying in the hospital bed in a hospital gown connected for a machine that was monitoring his heart rate.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded his voice was hoarse. His face held both confusion and anger.

"I heard what happened." I said entering the room. I stood by his bedside and couldn't help shuffle my feet a bit. "I'm sorry what I said back in Scandals."

"It doesn't matter." Dave muttered "That wasn't as bad as what the other people said. "

I winced. "But it didn't make it any better for you."

"Why are you here, Sebastian? " he asked "As much as I love having visitors. I never expected you to come. No offense but I don't really need your pity."

"I want to help you get better." I said "You need a friend right now."

"What if I don't want to be your friend?"

"I'm not giving you much of a choice here, sweetheart. " I said in both a serious and a teasing tone.

"I don't need your help." Dave said "And besides your probably the most apathetic person I know. How do you think you can help me? "

I paused. "Because I've been there."

He stared at me with wide eyes. I sighed. The only other person. Who knows this is Iris. My Uncle Alan doesn't even know the whole story. I took off my blazer and folded it draping it on the arm of the chair.

"What are you doing? "

I undid the cuffs and pulled back both my sleeves. I showed him my forearms. Both had this thin white line right where my wrist and arm connects.

He looked at me in disbelief. He traced the old scars on my wrists.

"I was eleven." I said "My mom just died. My dad was arrested for her murder."

"I thought your dad was the States attorney?"

I smiled "He's my Uncle. He was named my guardian as soon as my dad was arrested and adopted me just this summer. I didn't want to leave my home town."

He just nodded. "Then what happened?"

"My Uncle Alan was abroad that time. " I explained "He was hard to contact and my foster dad, who is my best friend's dad, couldn't adopt me or apply to be my foster that time. With how close he was to the case. "

"I was placed into the orphanage." I said closing my eyes remembering the horrible place. "The kids there were bitter most of them being abandoned kids. I was beat up. No one believed me when I said my dad was innocent. The cops that interviewed me were rather cruel. They believed I was covering for my father. "

"It was night after the trial, it took the jury fifty five minutes to declare the verdict of guilty. I was still in the system and I could even go home to Uncle Alan for the night." I said "The kids they all mocked and tormented me. Telling me know should have died that night. That I was better off dead. The emotional stress was too much. "

I paused remembering that night I was on the floor of the bathroom in the orphanage a razor in my hand.

"It turns out killing yourself isn't as easy as they say it is. " I muttered "The next thing I knew, I was in the hospital under seventy two hour watch. It was terrible. Even after they released me in my Uncle's care. But it got better."

"How? "

"Iris." I said with a fond smile. "She helped me get better. She helped me smile again after a few months in the orphanage. The court assigned my Uncle as my guardian, and he saw how Iris had helped me. He assigned Joe, Iris' dad, as my foster."

I looked at him in the eye. "I'm not going to lie to you. The road to recovery is hard. It just seems so easy to pick up that blade or to tie that rope again. But it will get better."

"So all that snark and bravado was all a mask?"

I chuckled fixing my unoform. "Yeah, I guess you can say that. "

"I guess it would be great to have friends who actually want me to see them again." he said bitterly "even if is just some guy I met in a bar"

He eyed my uniform. "I didn't peg you as a school boy."

"Well there are a lit of people outside the school doesn't know. " I said "Like the fact that I am not really gay. "

"Your not? " he asked shocked

"Nope." I said "but some of my bestest friends are gay. And apparently I have a baby face."

Dave chuckled "yeah that you do. Aw man I thought I was finally going to get decent boyfriend for once."

"As much as I want to, no offense but you aren't really my type."

He chuckled.

"So, are can we start again? " I asked "A clean slate? "

"Clean Slate." he shook my hand

There was one last thing I needed to do.

~()~

I was nervous for the Warbler meeting. We haven't discussed the passing out issue with all the time needed for Regionals. And the part that I refused to talk about it.

Thad had called the meeting and threatened me to go. I don't give a crap about what most people say, Thad can be downright scary.

I sat on one of the couches with Thad on one side and Trent on the other. The Warblers were filling on the library each giving me a wary and worried glance. As soon as the last one came in, Thad patted my back and I stood.

"Hey guys," I called their attention. "I know I haven't been completely open with you guys."

"That's an understatement." Nick muttered to Jeff

"And for that I'm sorry." I continued "I... I'm not the most open about what happened in the past. The last one I shared them with ended up sharing my torment. "

"What happened?" David asked concerned

"He's dead." I said causing some of the boys to gasp. "I was here for two weeks and whatever bullying and torment that I was subjected to landed on him. He couldn't take it."

"Was that why you had a cast on last summer." Jeff asked

"You broke your arm? " Jon asked shocked

"Yeah." I said "I'm sorry if my actions may have broken your friendship with any of the New Directions. Kurt and I, we don't get along. And I was tired of being stepped on. I guess my little form of revenge got a little out of hand."

"A little? " Nick snorted

"A lot. " I corrected "So after Regionals. I will step down as captain, and leave the Warblers ..."

"Sebastian! " Thad scolded "What... "

"I've tarnished the Warblers' reputation. It would be better if I fix as much as I could then leave before I make it any worse."

"We are not going to let you do this you know that right?"

"I'm not giving you much of a choice." I said "I've done a bit too much damage. And the best I can do is to end it. You know as they say all good things mush come to an end."

"How about this." David said with authority in his voice. He looks straight at me "You don't do anything rash. And we will concentrate on Regionals. And I know what song we should sing."

Okay I'm spook delayed I am so sorry. Wednesday was Chinese New Year and I forgot that we attend this party that ended like 11pm and Wednesday is my PE day so I was exhausted as soon as I got home. And Thursday was general clean up day since my cousin came today. I finished this on my phone so I am sorry if there are typos (so if there are misplaced words or misspelled words... Blame autocorrect)

Random Thought : I actually watched the new episode of Flash after some of you guys had commented about it here... But it's okay spoilers don't really bother me that much. I hate the fact that we have to wait for THREE WEEKS for the next episode... Oh and that it lands on my HS best friend's birthday. Fun fact one of my closest friends (who I haven't talked to in a month cuz I think he's ignoring me saad) is a triplet... That's soo cool and very rare. :P

Please Review

(another fun fact I am actually writing/posting this while I am on the road he he HEHE)

新年快樂!:)